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Thread: Wedding Crasher (AAML)

  1. #1
    Aalitichi Guest

    Default Wedding Crasher (AAML)

    Ok, I know what you are thinking: "It's been a longggg time"
    Let me just say i was having family issues.Ok no more drama and no more excuses.
    Here is a new fic I've been working on and when I post chapter 2 of this fic next week, I will also provide links to ban of friends and Hidden Love.

    Much love Tichi

    PG

    Wedding Crasher



    She strutted down Whales boulevard, her expensive Manolo’s making a tick- tacking sound on the pavement.

    Misty S. Waterflower was her name and yes she was indeed the most famous water pokemon trainer in whole Kanto, not to mention the most fashionable.

    Her lips curled up in to a seductive smile as a man whistled after her.

    She was never one to blush and play hard to get and men loved her for that.



    Been with almost every successful man in Kanto, but it always turned out to be rubbish and she would tell them simply that it wouldn’t work out and that they should become friends instead.

    Ah yes, love has not been her best of friends…at least not when it came to guys her long time friend and secretary, Niles Porter, hooked her up with.



    “Must be Niles,” she muttered, grabbing her buzzing cell phone out of her bag.



    “Bonjour, ma belle file” he whispered with a forced French accent, once she had picked up.



    “Niles, I’m really not in the mood for the French thing”



    “Oy vey, you always seem to suck the fun out of everything”



    “Well I kind of pity you, when you struggle desperately to make a good French phrase, finally ending it with “Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir,”she giggled throwing her latté cup in to the nearest trash can.



    “O, touché”



    “Now tell me, why are you interrupting my morning stroll?”



    “I wouldn’t call walking to the nearest Starbucks for a latté a morning stroll, my dear,” said Niles.



    “You know me too well” she giggled, swaying her bag back and forward as she walked slowly on the sidewalk.



    “Anyways, your 12 o’ clock match with that Serena Laderfort girl has been canceled and you know what that means”



    “No, what?”



    “Brunch with me at Deli France, ….duh. Let see 11.30 is good?”



    “Sure” she giggled looking at her watch.



    “Ok, see you in 30 minutes!!! Smooch, smooch, kiss, kiss!!!!”



    “Wow, another day in the boring life of Mistara Waterflower…lord save me,” she muttered, hanging up her phone.



    Perfect hair, perfect clothes, perfect job and yet there was no excitement in her life. She would wake up every day; go threw her usual makeup ritual and then hit the streets for her “morning stroll” and a latté at Starbucks. The few matches she had during the day were not very amusing, since she won every time without much difficulty. She didn’t have to do them anymore though, given that she had signed a million dollar contract with Estee Lauder.



    The nights were the most exciting…well if you find going to a French restaurant with a boring rich bloke exciting.



    She didn’t know what kept her going….okay she knew perfectly well what kept her going, but she didn’t want to admit it…..Ashton Ketchum was his name and he was her best friend in the entire world.

    He was the most perfect man she had ever met and would ever meet. Most women would compare guys they meet to their father, but not her…Ash was her measuring stick.

    But it was kind of strange, though, the only guy she ever loved was in fact the only guy who wasn’t romantically interested in her.



    One time she even confessed her love to him, but he had just laughed it off and told her that she was too drunk to think straight and that she should get some sleep.
    Last edited by Kiori; 25th January 2006 at 2:05 AM.

  2. #2
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    Well first you should post the Rating and the Ship in there somewhere....and maybe add some detail.

  3. #3
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    Ummm, I suppose it was okay. The spaces in between the sentences makes the chapter seem longer than it really is, but I guess that's alright. Ok, a couple things I didn't get about it: Why did Niles say ''Smooch, smooch, kiss, kiss!!!!” if they aren't dating? Well, I guess it was just a playing around thing . And also, it seemed the only shipping part about the story was the last part. Oh well, it was built up anyway. I'll be looking sorta forward to the next chapter. Overall: 8.297/10

  4. #4
    Aalitichi Guest

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    Heh sorry, didn't post the whole thing.

    Here is the whole chapter 1 again.

    Wedding Crasher



    She strutted down Whales boulevard, her expensive Manolo’s making a tick- tacking sound on the pavement.
    Misty S. Waterflower was her name and yes she was indeed the most famous water pokemon trainer in whole Kanto, not to mention the most fashionable.
    Her lips curled up in to a seductive smile as a man whistled after her.
    She was never one to blush and play hard to get and men loved her for it.

    Been with almost every successful man in Kanto, but it always turned out to be rubbish and she would tell them simply that it wouldn’t work out and that they should become friends instead.
    Ah yes, love has not been her best of friends.


    “Must be Niles,” she muttered, grabbing her buzzing cell phone out of her bag.

    “Bonjour, ma belle file” he whispered with a forced French accent, once she had picked up the phone.

    “Niles, I’m really not in the mood for the French thing”

    “Oy vey, you always seem to suck the fun out of everything”

    “Well I kind of pity you, when you struggle desperately to make a good French phrase, finally ending it with “Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir,”she giggled throwing her latté cup in to the nearest trash can.

    “O, touché”

    “Now tell me, why are you interrupting my morning stroll?”

    “I wouldn’t call walking to the nearest Starbucks for a latté a morning stroll, my dear,” said Niles.

    “You know me too well” she giggled, swaying her bag back and forward as she walked slowly on the sidewalk.

    “Anyways, your 12 o’ clock match with that Serena Laderfort girl has been canceled and you know what that means”

    “No, what?”

    “Brunch with me at Deli France, ….duh. Let see 11.30 is good?”

    “Sure” she giggled looking at her watch.

    “Ok, see you in 30 minutes!!! Smooch, smooch, kiss, kiss!!!!”

    “Wow, another day in the boring life of Mistara Waterflower…lord save me,” she muttered, hanging up her phone.

    Perfect hair, perfect clothes, perfect job and yet she felt empty. She would wake up every day, go threw her usual makeup ritual and then hit the streets for her “morning stroll” and a latté at Starbucks. The few matches she had during the day were not very amusing, since she won every time without much difficulty. She didn’t have to do them anymore though, given that she had signed a million dollar contract with Estee Lauder.

    The nights were the most exciting…well if you find going to a French restaurant with a boring rich bloke exciting.

    She didn’t know what kept her going….okay she did know what, but she just didn’t want to admit it…..Ashton Ketchum was his name. He was her best friend in the entire world and the most perfect man she had ever met. Most women would compare guys they meet to their father, but not her…Ash was her measuring stick.
    It was strange, the only guy she ever loved, was in fact the only guy who wasn’t romantically interested in her.

    One time she even confessed her love to him, but he just laughed it off and told her that she was too drunk to think straight and that she should get some sleep.

    Well she was drunk, but is it not when you’re drunk that you have the tendency to reveal your deepest darkest secrets?

    “He should have called, by now” she muttered, looking at her cell phone. “O well, better head off to Deli France…taxi!!”

    A yellow cab stopped in front of her. She opened the door, stepped in and chirped:

    “Marill Avenue, Deli France”
    The cab shot forward in high speed, but Misty did not care for her cell phone was buzzing and she had a pretty good idea who it was.

    “Ashy” she squealed, pressing the yes- button and bringing the phone to her ear.

    “Hey Mist, how have you been?”

    “Fine? You?”

    “I’m okay,” he said. “O hold up Mist…..baby I left your water bottle on the counter”

    Misty frowned and started to feel rather ill. He couldn’t possibly have a girlfriend and not have told her about it, could he? Then again addressing your mother as “baby” would be kind of strange.

    "Okay, I’m back”

    “So who was that?” she queried, faking happiness.


    “O yeah, that’s Anna” he started.

    “And?”

    “Well, she’s my girlfriend”

    “That’s great, when did you guys meet?” she asked, feeling like she was going to cry. The role of supporting friend was going to be hard to play this time.

    “Uhm a few months ago?”

    “O, that’s strange…mhm didn’t we see each other four days ago?” she muttered sarcastically.

    “Yeah, I forgot to tell you about her”

    “So when can I meet the lucky girl?” she chirped, faking a giggle.

    “Well, that’s why I called you. I think you will be meeting her very soon…the thing is…”

    “Miss were here, that will be 1.50” said the cabdriver, interrupting their conversation.

    “Wait a second, Ash”

    Misty searched her bag for her wallet, accidentally letting her phone fall.

    “****” she let out, as she watched the batteries fly out of it.

    “You know what miss, it’s on the house”

    Misty looked up and smiled gratefully at the chubby man. He winked and grinned back at her, flashing her three golden teeth.

    Misty grimaced and quickly got her phone and left the car, before he could ask for another “reward” instead.

    She walked towards the restaurant, already seeing Niles matted and frizzy blond hair threw the window.
    She opened the glass door and entered the brightly lit restaurant.

    “O honey, over here” squealed Niles

    Misty walked over to the table where Niles was sitting and flopped down on the chair in front of him.

    “Misty, honey what happened to your phone?” he asked looking at the phone in her hand

    “I let it fall on the way over here…when I was talking to Ash. I think it broke…the batteries won’t stay in”

    “Not him again. Jezus, Misty get over him already”

    “I kind of have to…he has a girlfriend”

    “See he has a girlfriend. Now you have to move on too, there are plenty of fish in the sea. I mean this Damien fellow I hooked you up with tonight is as good as they come…good job, good looks…. I mean sense of humor.”

    Misty glared at him.
    “Fine…I’ll give this guy a try”

    “Perfect… waitress, we’re ready to order” he let out, snapping his fingers.



    8.30PM. At La Petite Marmite


    “Damn he’s ugly,” she thought, as she watched a man in ill-fitting black jeans walk up to her. He ran his hands threw his thin blond hair and winked dramatically. Though she didn’t noticed the wink, cause a very big red pimple on his nose was distracting her.

    Misty grimaced, as she felt a shiver go down her spine.

    “You must be Damien,” she muttered.

    “Yes baby. When Niles told me you were a beauty, I never expected a beautiful princess like you” he whispered, bringing a long strand of her hair behind her ear with his index finger.

    “O God” Misty let out accidentally.

    “What is it?” he queried, pouting his lips in a very disturbing matter.

    “I have to go to the bathroom,” she whimpered.

    “Okay, don’t take too long though. My heart yearns for your beauty”

    “Heh” she let out forcefully and with that she left him sitting at the table alone.

    She entered the empty bathroom, cursing furiously, whilst dialing Niles phone number.

    “Niles, how could you hook me up with that, that…ugh. A duck is more handsome than he is!!” she screamed, when Niles had picked up.

    “O so you fixed your phone” Niles let out, in a sad attempt to change the subject.

    “Don’t you dare change the subject…I am not eating dinner with him.”

    “Look Misty, I had a million good guys for you…you turned them all down. Now all that are left are these types…what else was I supposed to do”

    “Not hook me up with any more guys….duhhhh”

    “Sweety, just take a chance…maybe he’ll turn out to be a sweetheart"

    She fell silent and leaned up against the bathroom wall.

    “Fine” she finally answered. “I’ll give it a shot”

    “Yay…now make sure you don’t bring your face too close to his, he spits a lot when he talks”

    “O god,” she sighed, hanging up the phone.


    She left the bathroom, staring dreadfully in the direction of the table.

    “Mistara, there you are!!!” Damien hollered across the room.

    Everyone in the restaurant looked between the two with angered and annoyed faces.

    "Why?” she sighed looking at the ceiling in exasperation. She walked over to the table and flopped back down on her chair, trying to hide her face in case there was anyone there she knew.

    “So Misty, ready to order”

    She happily nodded, for this had been the first normal thing he had said all night, plus she wanted to get threw the dinner as quickly as possible.

    Damien beckoned for the waiter to come at their table.

    “May I take your order?”

    “Yes…I’ll have the escargot”

    Misty couldn’t think of anyone who suited the role of eating snails better, than the man sitting in front of her.

    “Uhm…I’ll have a Caesar salad,”

    “Anything to drink?” asked the waiter, looking at the beautiful girl a little inappropriately.

    “Your best bottle of whine my lad,” said Damien.

    The waiter wrote it down on his pad and left for the kitchen.


    “So my beauty, I suggest you pay with credit card or check, cause this place is expensive”

    “Excuse me, what?” she asked flabbergasted.

    “Well, you weren’t planning to pay with cash were you cause that is just silly”

    “Wait, wait, wait…you order escargot and a bottle of whine and now you expect me to pay for…”

    Her buzzing cell phone interrupted her. She picked up agitated not bothering to identify the number flashing on its screen and almost yelled out: “Hello?”

    “Mist?”

    “O,it’s you” she muttered, calming down a bit.

    “Is there something wrong?” he asked worriedly.

    “No, Ash. I’m okay”

    “Cause I can call another time”

    “No, really. I’m fine,” she said, ignoring Damien’s scowls.

    “Good, uhm…okay like I was saying before you hung up today…”

    “Yeah sorry about that, my phone fell and broke”

    “Yeah, uhm like I was going to say before…Mist, I want you to come to Pallet, so you can meet Anna and her family”

    “Wow, I was already hoping to meet her …now I get to meet her whole family” she chirped, her voice sounding overly fake.

    “Heh” he let out. “I want you to meet them, because…uhm…because…”

    “Come on Ash, spill.” She said, ignoring Damien’s stomping foot.

    “Misty, Anna and I are getting married”

    Misty’s breath got caught in her throat.

    “Isn’t that great!!”

    Misty let out a tiny sob and hung up her phone.

    "Mistara, are you alright?” Damien asked frightened.

    “O my god…I can’t, I can’t breath…”













    Okay this is the first part. Please review.



    Ps. Don’t worry peeps Misty is going to be alright.

  5. #5
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    I for one will be following this. The conversations are very good, and that's what makes a story for me. Can't give you any further tips though, I'd have to read more.

    Maybe you can PM Kiori about adding a rating to this fic. If it doesn't have one, it might be locked, and seeing the first chapter that would be a shame.
    Am I interesting enough to have a livejournal?

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    The add-ons were really excellent compaired to what I maybe thought they'd be. They keep me attached to the computer screen . Also there were gazillions of parts in it that made me sorta crack up. (Well, mabe not that much, but ya get the idea...) But one thing i didn't really get that well was that he ordered mascargot. Would that be concidered cooked Magcargo (the pokemon)? Kinda weird. Anyway, you've made a constant fan of me. Add-Ons overall rating - 9.24/10.

  7. #7
    Aalitichi Guest

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    no it's escargot, as in french food...snails

  8. #8
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    Okay...

    While there were some parts that made me giggle a bit, the main thing that I think should improve is the description. You have some, but you should elaborate on the surroundings (i.e. include more details) a little more.

    Rating:

  9. #9

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    I really like this story I can't believe Ash is just getting married and Misty's reaction makes a lot of sense, keep it up, the story's great so far
    twins with: Uza-chan | paired with: Staryu
    pkmn trainer Light → 1 badge. 3 [oshawott, pansear, munna]. nacrene city ♥


  10. #10
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    Its really good poor Misty I was as supprised as Misty when I heard Ash was getting married. Well keep up the good work can't wait for the next chapter

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  11. #11
    Aalitichi Guest

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    Here goes, hope you like it. Feel free to review.

    Wedding Crasher

    Ash: 22 Misty: 22 Niles: 28 Delia: 49


    She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so horrible, as she stood there running her hands threw her wet long locks, waiting for Ash to pick her up. It was dark and it was raining, her hair was messed up and her mascara was running, making the black eye she had gotten from fainting at her date with Damien the other night more visible.
    She silently cursed at Ash, for making her take the bus instead of a cab.

    “It’s too expensive, I don’t want you spending that kind of money just for me, even if you’re rich…I’ll pick you up at the bus station” he had said over the phone this morning.

    “Bus station, my ***” she muttered, looking up to see the small sign with “Bus stop” embossed on it, that she was standing next to.

    A red Volvo drove around the corner and stopped right in front of her.

    The driver threw the door next to the passenger seat open and yelled: “Misty, get in…don’t worry I’ll get your bags for you”

    She practically jumped in to the car, as Ash ran out of it to grab her two very heavy Louis Vouton bags.
    He brought her bags one by one to the trunk of the car, as she watched on without even considering giving him a hand. After all it was his fault she looked like something the dog dragged in.

    “There you go” he sighed, once he was in the car. He looked up at Misty and smiled.
    “Unbelievable” she thought, as she looked at the incredibly handsome guy in front of her. From his rosy cheeks, to his perfect nose and his wet hair sticking up in every direction….he was ravishing.

    “You look terrible” he chuckled, stepping on the gas pedal.
    “Jeez, thanks” she let out sarcastically, trying to wipe away her running mascara.
    It seemed he never got tired of teasing her, no matter how old they got.

    “So, is she already at your place?”

    “Yeah, her whole family is there, waiting for us”

    “O great” Misty muttered, looking at her wet frilly black dress.

    He tore his eyes away from the wet road to look at the redhead.

    “Sorry, about your dress”

    “It’s okay” she replied, smiling at him.

    “Judging by the bags you have with you. It won’t be very hard to find a replacement” he chuckled, looking back at the road.

    Misty didn’t reply and just sat back to enjoy the ride.
    The rest of the trip was pretty silent with them occasionally throwing glances at one another and before long they were driving up the Ketchum’s driveway.

    “We’re here…it’s not raining as hard as before, so if we’re quick, we should be able to get to the house without you getting more wet” he chuckled, looking at the soaked redhead.

    “Rightttt” she muttered sarcastically, letting her eyes wander over her wet dress once more.

    “Go inside, I’ll get your bags for you”

    “No, I’ll help. There heavy after all” she chirped, wanting to delay her meeting with Anna and her family as much as possible.
    Misty and Ash ran to the trunk, almost slipping on the wet pavement.

    “God, Mist. What do you have in this bag?” Ash muttered, pulling at the largest one.

    “Would you stop whining and be a man for once” she let out, grimacing and pulling at the other bag. They dragged her luggage up the stoop of the petite house, both of them soaked.

    “They’re here. They’re here!!!” she heard a woman squeak.
    The front door was pulled open revealing a beautiful blond girl in a green floral dress.

    “Ash, is this her?”

    “Yeah, this is Misty”

    The girl let out an ear-piercing squeal and almost jumped in to Misty’s arms, making Misty jump in fright.

    “Misty, this is Anna, my fiancé” Ash chuckled.

    “Hi” she managed to croak out, as Anna finally let her go.

    “Ash, told me so much about you…o god you’re soaked. Why don’t I show you to your room and you can freshen up” she giggled, as she took Misty by the hand and led her to the stairs. Misty looked back at Ash exasperatedly. He was standing in the doorway with a huge grin on his face.

    She almost tripped, whilst Anna was pulling her up the wooden stairs.

    “My family is already, in the dining room. They’re waiting for you,” she twittered happily.
    She pulled her towards an oak door and opened it.

    “Well?”

    “Well what?” Misty asked, entering the room.

    “Do you like it?” Anna replied, beckoning her arm towards the room.

    Misty took a good look at the room to see what Anna was so enthusiastic about and noticed that the room was filled with stuff with water pokemon on them.

    “Wow, very sea- ish” she mumbled, admiring the room.

    “You don’t like it, do you? Gosh, Ash told me you were a water pokemon fanatic”

    “No, I like it…in fact I love it. It’s wonderful, Anna.” she replied, her smile looking more like a grimace.

    “Thank god, I spent the whole day working on it…just praying that you would like it”

    Misty turned around to look at the beautiful grinning girl. She hated everything about Anna; from her perfect blond locks to her bubbly personality…she was just perfect. Not fake perfect, just perfect, perfect.

    “We’re going to have so much fun together!!” Anna squealed.

    Misty nodded, as she watched Anna bounce up and down feverishly.

    “So, I’ll just leave you here to freshen up” Anna giggled, walking out of the room.

    “Ugh”Misty muttered, grabbing her phone and pressing Niles phone number.

    “Niles, she’s a *****,” she hollered in to the phone, once he had picked up.

    “And a good evening to you too, my love” he muttered sarcastically. “Now who is a *****?”

    “This Anna girl Ash is marrying!!”

    “O, is she one of those “don’t touch my man” types?”

    “I don’t think so” Misty replied, almost sobbing.

    “Is she one of those “I love you in front of your face and hate you behind your back” types”

    “No”

    “Is she the “ I know you love my man, but you have no chance with him” type”

    “I didn’t get that vibe”

    “Okay, I’m out of ideas here, sweetie”

    “Niles, she’s perfect. She’s nice, she’s beautiful and she has this amazing “sunshiny” personality. I mean comparing to her personality; I’m the big bad mean ogre. I just can’t find anything wrong with her” she muttered, throwing herself on her bed. “Jesus Christ the woman put popery on my pillow”

    “So, let me get this straight, she’s a ***** and she’s perfect at the same time?”

    “God, Niles. Don’t play stupid!! She’s a *****, because she is so perfect and….”

    “You can’t compete with that” he finished.

    “I’m going to do everything in my power to get him.”

    “Misty, he is getting m- a- r- r- i- e- d. Get that threw your beautiful head, honey”

    “I can’t and I won’t”

    “There is no stopping you is there?” he sighed.

    “No” she muttered in response.

    “Than…I guess you have to go for it then. If you love him so much, tell him that…Go get your man”

    “Thanks Niles” she muttered and hung up.

    She stood up and walked to the mirror to take a glance at herself.

    “O ****, Ash wasn’t kidding when he said I looked horrible,” she muttered, looking at her smudged mascara and her wet hair. “Nothing I can’t fix”

    An half an hour later, downstairs

    “My lord, Ashton…did your friend die upstairs?” chuckled an old chubby man in a grey suit.
    “Oh no, daddy. She’s just a little bit tired from the trip, besides she was soaked when she arrived” answered Anna.

    “Marcus, put that fork down for god sakes,” said a blond woman, who could pass for Anna’s twin, had she not been so wrinkly.

    “Jesus, I’m Igby not Marcus,” the boy answered, putting on an angered face.

    “And you call yourself our mother” finished the other twin, slamming his hand on the table.
    “Oh my” squeaked Delia, as she watched Igby slam his fists on her expensive wooden table.

    “O, whatever…you’re both the same thing” said the woman, taking in her tenth glass of whine.

    “Marian, must you always embarrass us?” asked the youngest looking blond girl.

    “I have asked you repeatedly to call us mom and dad,” said the old man.
    The girl tutted and rolled her eyes.

    “Sorry, I took so long,” chirped Misty entering the dining room in a dark blue dress so short, it would make the Pope roll over in his grave. (May he rest in peace).

    “We were just starting to worry” chuckled Ash, looking at the beautiful girl in awe.

    Igby and Marcus stood up, ran over to her and gave her a hug.
    “Aww, that’s nice” Misty giggled. “I haven’t been here for five seconds and you are already hugging me”

    “Not really. They’ re just at that age” s******ed Lucille sarcastically.

    And sure enough Misty was finding it very hard to push the twins off of her, one of them having a very tight grip on her *** and the other one just beneath her bosoms.

    “Igby and Marcus, that will do” said Anna, sounding a bit agitated.
    The twins let Misty go and looked at each other in triumph as they flopped back down on their seats.

    “Everyone this is Misty,”

    “Hello, Misty” said the lot in unison.

    Mrs. Ketchum stood up to give Misty a hug.
    “Nice to see you again dear.”


    “Hello, dear…I’m Mr. Copermayer Wow, she is quite the looker Ashton. Did you go out with her?” asked the chubby old man, whilst eying Misty.

    “Robert, that’s a very inappropriate thing to ask your daughters fiancé” said Marian, hiccupping. “You’ll have to excuse my husband, he’s drunk. This is Lucille and one of those is Igby and the other one is Marcus”

    “Nice to meet you all,” Misty said, smiling. She sat next to Ash, grinning widely at him.

    “Well shall we eat…go on dig in?” said Delia happily, as she started spooning stuffing on to her plate.

    Igby and Marcus happily followed by tearing themselves a chicken leg.

    Ash was smiling heartily, as he looked at the two women sitting on either side of him. His smile disappeared immediately though, when he laid eyes on Misty’s face.

    “Mist, what happened?” he hollered, jumping up from his seat and kneeling in front of her.
    He held her face in his hands and looked at her eye. The lot had stopped eating and was looking at the panic-stricken young man.

    “O, this…I…I tripped and fell…no big deal, Ash” Misty replied, having it rather hot with Ash’s face being so close to hers.

    “Are you lying to me?” he whispered, not making any movement that would indicate that he was going to let her go.

    “No” she whispered, looking him straight in the eyes. “I wouldn’t lie to you”
    He gave her a booming grin, the sort of grin that would make a girls heart melt.

    Misty felt like kissing him at the moment and she would have, had he not removed his hands from her cheeks and given her a friendly pat on the shoulder.

    “Weird, I didn’t notice it, until Ash pointed it out” said Anna worriedly. She obviously wasn’t bothered by the situation and neither was her family for they had resumed eating. Igby and Marcus gobbled down their meal, their freckled faces smeared in gravy, as Lucille watched on with a disgusted look upon her face.

    Misty wasn’t paying attention to them, though, she was too busy stealing glances at the man sitting beside her. But Ash was too busy smiling at his fiancé to notice, much to Misty’s dismay.

    “So, Ash…where’s pikachu?” Misty asked, desperately vying for his attention.

    “O, he’s at professor Oak’s. Since I’m not going to battle for a few months, I thought it would be best if he stayed somewhere where there would be enough space for him” Ash answered looking at Misty.

    “Yeah, ofcourse” she replied smiling at him. She spooned a bit of stew on her plate, letting a bit of it fall next to it.

    “Wow, Misty you really look terrible with that black eye” he muttered.

    “O, come on, Ash she doesn’t look that bad” said Anna, also looking worriedly at her black eye.

    Misty could have strangled Anna at the moment. What the hell did she mean by: “She doesn’t look that bad?!”
    She forced a smile as she looked at the giggling blond girl.

    “I’m sure you’ll look great on Saturday”

    Misty almost choked on the stew she was eating.

    “What do you mean on Saturday, what’s on Saturday?” she asked with her mouth half full.

    “Our wedding, ofcourse” Anna replied. “Wait, Ash did tell you our wedding is on Saturday…right?”

    Misty looked at Ash flabbergasted. She had thought the wedding would be at least three months away.
    “You mean this Saturday…like 4 days from now?”

    “Sorry, honey. I forgot to tell her,” Ash mumbled towards Anna.

    “O god, are you serious…Saturday” Misty hollered, making everyone look at her. “ God, in four days…I don’t have time…there is no time!!!!!”

    “Misty calm down, what is there no time for?” Ash asked worriedly.

    “You don’t need to worry about a dress or your hair if that’s what you mean” added Anna. “I figure Ash forgot to ask you if you wanted to be my maid of honor.”

    Misty looked at Ash and Anna with a horrified look on her face.

    “There is no time,” she whispered over and over again.

    “Misty, it’s alright. Everything is planned, you just need to stand next to Anna and look pretty” said Ash.

    Misty looked at him, still horrified.

    “What’s wrong with her, is she sick?” asked Lucille.

    “No, she’s just being dramatic,” said Igby, rolling his eyes.

    “Women” added Marcus, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation.

    “Calm down, your dress is done…and I’ve already set up a hair appointment.” said Anna.

    “Oh, I’m calm, don’t worry. I just thought that it was a little too soon, but if you say you have it under control, than I trust you” she replied in a calm voice.
    She didn’t look very convincing, though, judging by the huge frown on her forehead.

    “Good…oooooo, this is going to be so exciting!!” Anna shrieked, bouncing up and down on her seat.

    Ash chuckled, as he looked at Anna.

    “Yeah, I can’t wait either” he hollered, grabbing Anna around the waist, pulling her on to his lap and giving her a little peck on the cheek.

    “O, Delia…can you believe it our baby’s are getting married,” said Mrs. Copermayer, a tear rolling of her bony cheek.

    “You have three more to go, Ash is my first and last one,” said Delia, almost sobbing.

    This was getting too sickening for Misty’s taste.
    “Uhm, well Mrs. Ketchum that was delicious…but if you don’t mind, I’m going to bed, I’m really tired” she said standing up

    “Already, Misty? We haven’t even had desert yet,” said Delia.

    “Oh, no…I’m stuffed, I couldn’t eat another bite. Anyways, it was nice meeting you all, goodnight ”she said walking towards the doorway.

    “Goodnight, Misty” said the lot in unison.

    Misty waved, smiling and then walked out of the room and up the stairs.

    “Mental, that one” was the last thing she heard Igby or Marcus say, as she entered her dim lit room and closed the door behind her.
    She walked over to her bed, grabbed her pillow, pressed it against her face and screamed as hard as she could.

    “What am I going to do?” she whispered, as she threw the pillow back on to her bed. “What the hell am I going to do?”

    She turned around abruptly, as she heard a light knock on the door.
    “Who, is it?”

    “It’s me, Ash…can I come in?”

    “Sure” she muttered, sitting on her bed.
    He pulled the door open and walked in.

    “I was just wondering if you’re okay,” he whispered, walking over to her bed and sitting next to her. “You didn’t finish your stew”

    “Oh, I’m okay…don’t worry” she said, happy that he cared.

    “Are you sure…you’re not anorexic, are you?”

    “Oh, come on, Ash” she giggled, punching him lightly on the shoulder.

    “I just don’t want anything to be wrong with my Misty” he chuckled, pulling her in to a tight hug.
    She giggled as she rested her head on his chest.

    “You know, I’m really glad you’re here,” he muttered, giving her a little peck on her forehead.

    “O, really and why is that?” she asked happily, momentarily forgetting about Anna.

    “I really want you to get to know Anna…she’s already quite fond of you, you know…she told me, she couldn’t wait for you to show her your gym.”

    Misty nodded, the sick feeling she had had at the diner table, returning.

    “I love her, Mist,” he said, letting go of her and looking her in the eyes. “I really do”
    She nodded silently.

    “Well, better let you get your beauty sleep…you need it” he chuckled, standing up.
    Misty forced a giggle, as she watched Ash wink at her and close the door behind him.

    She sneered pulling on a large blue bead, trying to rip it off the bedspread in anger. It just didn’t want to detach, as she pulled harder on it.

    “O god just come off already,” she muttered exasperatedly. “Can’t anything go in my favor?”

  12. #12

    Default

    YES THE NEXT CHAPTER!!! This one was really good, and you made it really relatable when you made Anna perfect and sweet, you want to hate her for taking Ash but you can't because sh'e so nice!!!!!! Anyway the story is getting better I can't wait for the next chapter!!!
    twins with: Uza-chan | paired with: Staryu
    pkmn trainer Light → 1 badge. 3 [oshawott, pansear, munna]. nacrene city ♥


  13. #13
    Aalitichi Guest

    Default

    thanks, but if there is anything you think I should do better just tell me.

  14. #14

    Default

    well, I'm not so good with finding grammatical errors if thats what you're saying, but while reading this I really didn't find anything wrong.......*double checks*

    “Uhm, well Mrs. Ketchum that was delicious…but if you don’t mind, I’m going to bed, I’m really tired” she said standing up
    well you don't need the comma after mind.

    “O, really and why is that?”
    Try spelling out oh completelt instead of just using the letter.

    “It’s me, Ash…can I come in?”
    don't need a comma there because it sound like someone is asking Ash if they can come in, those dots took place of the comma too.

    “Hello, dear…I’m Mr. Copermayer Wow, she is quite the looker Ashton. Did you go out with her?” asked the chubby old man, whilst eying Misty.
    well afer Copermayer you should have put a period or a semicolon to show a new thought

    Igby and Marcus gobbled down their meal, their freckled faces smeared in gravy, as Lucille
    well once again you don't need a comma after gravy.

    “Oh, I’m calm, don’t worry. I just thought that it was a little too soon, but if you say you have it under control, than I trust you” she replied in a calm voice.
    Here we find some more comma-splices. You really don't need any commas in your first sentence and you definatley don't need one after control, the word than should be then too.

    “I really want you to get to know Anna…she’s already quite fond of you, you know…she told me, she couldn’t wait for you to show her your gym.”
    no comma after me needed.




    “Are you sure…you’re not anorexic, are you?”“Oh, come on, Ash” she giggled, punching him lightly on the shoulder.
    no need for a comma there either. (In any of those sentences)

    I know there was alot on commas but that's something I can pick out very well in a story if it's not needed. A comma is only used to seperate a thought if part of the thought is an independent clause and the second part is a dependent clause (I hopes this makes sense cuz it sounds confusing) but like I said the story is still great just try not to puy so many un needed commas in your stry next time!!
    twins with: Uza-chan | paired with: Staryu
    pkmn trainer Light → 1 badge. 3 [oshawott, pansear, munna]. nacrene city ♥


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