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Thread: Lucki

  1. #51
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    Another good chapter. Your description has gotten better from your first chapters can I can visualize the battles better. I would like to see a bit of comedy but I guess you can't fit everything into one chapter. In my opinion, more description is better but you choose what you want. Keep it up anyway as I'll happily read the next chapter.
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  2. #52
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    Sweet! Nice battle! Keegan seems cool, and that girl was a b****... anyways, reviewing time!

    Just one thing i wanna cross check for you...

    raising Numbel.
    Numel? or is that it's nick name?

    all in all, a good chapter! keep it up and keep me posted for new chapters! Later!
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  3. #53
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    Shadows Follower, thanks, I'm glad you liked the battles. I was worrying they might have been too long, but I guess not That's a relief.

    I'm not really good with comedy...I'll try to put some in, though.

    Air Dragon, yeah, it was the nickname. Now that you mention it, it really isn't that clear. And I'm glad you like Keegan!

  4. #54
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    Well, this was a nicely done Chapter. As mentioned before, your description is improving quite a bit, and your grammar is still very good. Glad to see Lucki win the Gym match. Two down, six to go... wonder if she'll catch another Pokemon soon?

    Until we meet again...
    The Legacy Continues

    A story of events in the world of Pokémon, long after Ash Ketchum has retired from the scene. His young child, determined to surpass even her father's incredible achievements, has a long and fantastic journey ahead of her... even as forces greater than any known before conspire to arrange their own ends behind the scenes.

    Returning soon, revised and infinitely better than the original.


  5. #55
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    Pretty good story...pretty good chapter. Bo Lucki seemed a bit out of character. And why does almost everyone Lucki meets, there pokemon don't have translators.

  6. #56
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    The Pokemon Master, thanks, I'm glad to hear you think I'm doing better with description too.

    wonder if she'll catch another Pokemon soon?
    Well...maybe... ^^

    Comoesa, what do you mean, out of character? And the people she meets do usually have translators, I just don't always write out conversations between everyone. Sometimes they're not out, or they're busy battling.

  7. #57
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    Wow!! Great job! I love it, but I am confused about what route Lucki takes. Not the original way like it the game or anime. But other then that its very good.


  8. #58
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    Thanks!

    The route Lucki's taking...well, she's going on the same routes as in the game, but in a really different order. She starts in Verdanturf, uses the tunnel to go west to Rustboro, then up and through Meteor Falls to Fallarbor, then down to Lavaridge. There are all routes between these places, but you can't use them for much of the game. Once she gets to Mauville it should be less confusing, because she'll be more-or-less on the normal game route.

  9. #59
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    Great job
    I like how she takes a different route but it is a little confusing
    I hope the next chapter is just as good
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  10. #60
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    Thanks shadowlight! The route should be less confusing from here on, so hopefully that'll be less of a problem.

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    Wow, this story just keeps getting more and more interesting!


  12. #62
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    Thanks Plum, I'm glad you liked it! Here's the next chapter, everyone!


    Chapter Eight – Tryke


    Near Lucki's shoulder, Flare groaned unhappily. The fire type was lying in the shallows, the steaming water just covering his legs. From the slow compression of his fluffy fur, it looked like the rest of him was soaking up the water despite his attempt to stay mostly dry.

    "Come on Flare, you can do it," Lucki urged. The heat felt like she was being boiled alive, but Flannery had advised it'd be good training for them. The heat would help Flare handle the water, and the water would help Silver acclimate to the heat. "We're all in this together."

    Flare sighed once more but stopped groaning.

    *

    When Lucki didn't think she could stand another second in the hot spring, she recalled her pokemon and headed out. She stopped off at the Pokemart to buy some more supplies, then continued east out of Lavaridge.

    She looked over the edge. It wasn't too far down to Route 112, but the drop was severe, full of ledges and steep slopes. She was getting tired of this. At least once she did manage to get all the way down, shed be on flat ground for a while.

    Lucki started down, picking her way carefully at first. The ground was loose and before long she was slipping and skidding along far faster than she'd intended. Almost immediately she was at the bottom.

    She wobbled slightly as she caught her balance, but then grinned triumphantly and started off on Route 112.

    The air here was fresh and clean. The same air current that kept Verdanturf clear of ashes was acting here, blowing the dust back toward the mountain.

    Next up, Mauville!

    Of course, she could use more pokemon. She still only had two, and with Silver's weakness to electricity, getting a badge would be hard. Maybe a grass type…

    As if on cue, a green, four-legged pokemon ran out of the long grass onto the path, shaking itself. "Trike!" it barked, spying Lucki.

    At first glance, it was easy to see how inexperienced trainers often mistook it for a grass type, but anyone making that mistake would be in for a shock. Those same trainers usually experienced a sharp learning curve with the help of their unhappy Swellow or Wingull. The pokemon before her was a bright grass green, and only the yellow highlights on its face and tail tip gave any hint to its true type. Once you knew, though, it was easy to read other signs, like the sharp points that marked each leg at the joint in a way reminiscent of a Jolteon's spikes and the upright tail like a miniature lightning rod. It was an Electrike.

    "Rike!" it barked again, looking at her challengingly and shocking the air in front of it. "Rike trike!" Lucki reached for Flare's pokeball.

    "Go!" she shouted, throwing it forward. "Ember!"

    The fireball struck the electric puppy in the face, knocking the smaller pokemon head over heels. He shook himself off and barked defiantly. Small bursts of static began gathering over his body, the sparks jumping around in a cloud of electricity, and with a yell of "Ele!" he sent the mass forward into Flare, who yelped as the spark attack hit.

    "Another ember!" called Lucki.

    Flare inhaled and sent another fireball at the lightning pokemon, who retaliated by running a few feet closer and sending another shock at the fire type. When Flare tried a third fireball, the Electrike managed a sudden burst of speed, propelling it a few feet out of the way in a blur. Then it sat down, giving Flare a cocky look. "Trike!"

    "All right Flare, get 'em with tackle!" Lucki decided, irritated by the wild pokemon's smugness.

    Flare ran forward and smashed into the smaller pokemon, who yelped in surprise and shocked him in response. Flare jerked, his whole body stiffening for a moment. Paralyzed, I bet, Lucki identified. Great, now it'll be even easier for that Electrike to dodge.

    "Flare, ember!"

    The first fireball hit, but then the lightning pokemon dodged the second and third. "Rike trike!" it called confidently.

    Lucki had an idea. "Flare, sand attack!"

    Flare nodded, realizing what she had planned. He spun and kicked sand into the other canine pokemon's face, leaving it temporarily blinded and distracted.

    "And now bite!"

    While the Electrike was pawing the sand from its eyes, Flare jumped it and bit down on its back. It whined and collapsed, and Lucki tossed a pokeball at it. The pokeball rocked a bit, then stopped moving and the button grayed. Her first capture!

    Lucki collected the newly filled pokeball, then remembered Flare and quickly pulled out a potion and paralyze heal for his injuries. Once he was healed, she recalled him.

    She looked at the pokeball in her hand. Well, no time like the present for introductions. She released her new Electrike and pulled a translator from her bag. She leaned over and clipped the translator around the Electrike's neck and was rewarded with a shock. "Hey!"

    "Hey yourself!" barked the Electrike back, his voice sounding like that of a seven or eight year old boy. "You're the one who caught me!"

    "That doesn't mean you get to shock me!"

    "Does so! I don't wanna be caught! Trainers are jerks!"

    Lucki felt insulted. "We are not!"

    "Are so!" The Electrike stuck his tongue out at her.

    "If trainers are jerks, how come you're the one doing the shocking and yelling?" Lucki asked, annoyed.

    "Um…because!" The Electrike looked pleased with himself.

    Lucki sighed. This was going to be frustrating. "Why don't you talk to my pokemon?"

    "No way! He beat me up!"

    "You challenged me!"

    "Yeah, but I thought I'd win. I wouldn't've done it if I knew I was gonna lose," the Electrike told her, in a tone of voice that said she was stupid for not thinking of it that way. "Mom 'n Dad said to stay away from trainers because they were tough, but I figured I could do it."

    Lucki thought a minute. "Then you want to get stronger?"

    The Electrike nodded. "Yeah!"

    "Then you should want to have a trainer. That way you'll get stronger," Lucki told him. "Like my Flareon you fought. We just beat a gym leader together!"

    "Hm…" The Electrike considered.

    "Look, how about you just try it? I'm not mean, and I'll let you go if you decide you don't want to stay on my team, okay?"

    "Okay!" chirped the Electrike agreeably, his tail wagging.

    Lucki let out a sigh of relief. Well, that hurdle was over. She hoped the rest of her pokemon captures would be easier to deal with. "Well, now that that's decided, we should get going," she announced. "I'm heading southeast, to Mauville."

    "All right," agreed Electrike.

    But they had barely gotten anywhere before a trainer showed up heading in the opposite direction. "Oh hey!" he called, approaching. "How about a battle? One on one?"

    "Okay," Lucki started to respond when the Electrike ran out in front of her and barked at the boy, answering the challenge as well. "And I guess I'll be using him."

    The boy nodded and tossed his pokeball. The red and white sphere split to reveal a mostly brown bipedal pokemon about three feet tall, with a single large leaf sticking out of its large round head. Its legs bulged out slightly between its waist and ankles and were a striped light grey, making it look like it wore puffy pants, and its hands were mittenlike, without fingers. Its long nose was also light grey, and there was a sort of mask around its eyes the same color, similar to one of a zigzagoon.

    And since Nuzleaf was a grass type, her Electrike's electric moves wouldn't work that well.

    "Fake out and pound!"

    The dark type let out a hideous cackle, stretching its mouth to absurd proportions in a grin and jumped to land an inch away from the Electrike, kicking it sharply. Startled and cringing, the lightning pokemon didn't make any attempt to do anything, and the Nuzleaf smacked it over the head while it was flinching.

    "Okay, um-" Oops, Lucki thought, I forgot to name him. "Electrike, tackle!"

    The Electrike looked over his shoulder, giving her a disbelieving look. While he was doing this, the Nuzleaf's trainer called out, "Pound!" again, and the distracted puppy was punched in the face. He responded with a weak tackle that knocked the grass/dark type back a few steps.

    "Bullet seed!" called the boy. The wily pokemon inhaled and then rapidly spat out a stream of high-velocity seeds into Electrike's face and side. The electric type yelped indignantly and sent burst of static at his opponent, but the Nuzleaf ignored the weak shock.

    "Quick attack, Electrike!" Lucki shouted.

    The lightning pokemon visibly hesitated, but then sped into the Nuzleaf, the move looking more like a slightly faster tackle.

    Does he not know that attack? Lucki considered. No, he's used spark, and Electrike learn that after quick attack.

    The boy responded with, "Nuzleaf, use your quick attack!" His pokemon blurred as it raced forward to slam far more forcefully into her Electrike, who shocked it in retaliation.

    "Try quick attack again," Lucki suggested. Electrike was already charging for another spark attack, and did this instead. The Nuzleaf still seemed unfazed. "Quick attack!" The Electrike ran none too fast at the Nuzleaf in what again, looked like a marginally speeder tackle, and a not especially skilled tackle at that. The wily pokemon kicked him under the chin before the attack could connect. Electrike's head connected with the dark type's nose and he bit down on it.

    The other pokemon let out a startled and indignant screech, pounding weakly at him with its spindly arms and not seeming to do damage. Nuzleaf lose a lot of their power if their nose was pinched, Lucki remembered. That's why they hate people grabbing their nose. And Electrike's doing more than just pinching it. After a moment more of struggling, the Nuzleaf went limp and the other trainer recalled it.

    The Electrike trotted over to Lucki, stubby tail wagging. "Win!" he shouted cheerfully.

    Lucki bit back the urge to groan. As the other trainer left, she asked, "You're not good at physical attacks, are you?"

    "No, it's easier to just shock stuff," her new pokemon responded.

    "We'll need to work on that. Well, first you need a name."

    "Trike!" he barked excitedly, bouncing up and down like a little kid. A tyke.

    Why not? "Tryke." At least until I think of a better name. Or he starts acting a bit more mature.

    "Yay!"

    "Okay. Before we go any further, I think we should trainer a bit," Lucki announced. "The next gym is Wattson's, and he trains the same type as you. That means it's important we get your physical attacks up to snuff." She looked around and noticed a large brown and black boulder a bit off the path. Satisfied that they wouldn't be getting in any other travelers' way by practicing with it, she pointed at it. "See that boulder there?" Tryke nodded. "Practice your quick attack on that."

    He nodded again. "Okay!" He ran into it in what still looked very much like a tackle attack and bounced off, then backed up. The second time there was a short burst of speed at the start like she'd seen when he was dodging Flare's fireballs. A couple minutes later and the burst was lasting about a second more.

    Lucki sat down. This was going to take a while.

    Jump to Chapter Nine
    Last edited by icemew; 9th August 2006 at 8:21 PM.

  13. #63
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    I liked how you described Tryke
    You did a good job I can't wait for the next chapter
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  14. #64
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    Awesome chapter icemew! no spelling errors, great new personality, what i like in a chapter! i loved the dialogue between tryke and lucki, ok ? later!
    The Corei Quest's latest chapter: Chapter Forty Seven: Tricks of the Trade (24 April 2014)
    PROJECT C-SQUARE STATUS = 100.00% Complete (11-12-2010, ca. 2:40pm GMT)
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  15. #65
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    Shadowlight, Air Dragon, thanks! I'm glad Tryke went over well both description and personality-wise. Though there's no guarantee he'll be staying like that...

  16. #66
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    Another nicely written Chapter. I caught a couple of little mistakes (more like typos, in my opinion) that I’ll cover before I move on…

    The fire type was /ying in the shallows, the steaming water just covering his legs.
    I’m pretty sure the ‘/’ is supposed to be an ‘l.’

    After a moment more of struggling, the Nuzleaf went clmp and the other trainer recalled it.
    I think you meant ‘limp’ there.

    And one last little thing I noticed in the last few paragraphs…

    "Okay. Before we go any further, I think we should trainer a bit," Lucki announced. "The next gym is Wattson's, and he trains the same type as you. That means it's lmportant we get your physical attacks up to snuff." She looked around. There was a large brown and black boulder a bit off the path, where they wouldn't be getting in any other travelers' way. She pointed at it. "See that boulder there?" Tryke nodded. "Practice your quick attack on that."
    First, that’s meant to be ‘important,’ right? Alright, onto my little lecture. These three sentences are just a little choppy. Well, the first and third ones are, at least. Try something like this:
    "Okay. Before we go any further, I think we should trainer a bit," Lucki announced. "The next gym is Wattson's, and he trains the same type as you. That means it's important we get your physical attacks up to snuff." She looked around and noticed a large brown and black boulder a bit off the path. Satisfied that they wouldn't be getting in any other travelers' way by practicing with it, she pointed at it. "See that boulder there?" Tryke nodded. "Practice your quick attack on that."
    *pants* Ok, hope I didn’t offend you or anything, I just like getting these errors out of the way first. It really was a nice Chapter, and I’m glad that Lucki caught herself a third Pokemon (go Tryke go!). Something that bugged me a little was the fact that the trainer was never introduced. It just makes it seem like a nameless, random trainer battle, which aren’t really much fun. Having names just personalizes the story a little bit more. Still, I enjoyed it, and I’m beginning to wonder how she’ll do at Wallace’s Gym. It’s gone form prompt and utter defeat to possible victory…

    Until we meet again…
    The Legacy Continues

    A story of events in the world of Pokémon, long after Ash Ketchum has retired from the scene. His young child, determined to surpass even her father's incredible achievements, has a long and fantastic journey ahead of her... even as forces greater than any known before conspire to arrange their own ends behind the scenes.

    Returning soon, revised and infinitely better than the original.


  17. #67
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    Weird...the three typos you mention aren't like that in the doc on my computer or when I load the page, dunno what happened there. Maybe the page loaded weird for you? But anyway...your wording of the boulder bit is good, I'll change that, thanks. And of course I'm not offended! If there are mistakes, it's better to fix them.

    I think you're right about introducing trainers, I think I'll be doing it that way for other battles. And I'm glad you like Tryke!

  18. #68
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    Hmmm... Sorry about that, then. It probably did load oddly, my internet service was behaving pretty oddly at the time. Glad you liked my other advice, though!

    Until we meet again...
    The Legacy Continues

    A story of events in the world of Pokémon, long after Ash Ketchum has retired from the scene. His young child, determined to surpass even her father's incredible achievements, has a long and fantastic journey ahead of her... even as forces greater than any known before conspire to arrange their own ends behind the scenes.

    Returning soon, revised and infinitely better than the original.


  19. #69
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    Done, alright! Anyway, I'm going on vacation soon, but hopefully I'll have another chapter ready when I get back!


    Chapter Nine – Electric

    Well, we're as ready as we'll ever be.

    Tryke had worked himself to exhaustion, showing a lot more dedication than Silver or Flare, and seemed as good at physical attacks as he'd get. Whether or not that'd be enough to beat another electric-type, Lucki wasn't sure. She'd used one of the technical machines from her bag on him too, but she didn't know if that would be enough.

    Lucki was waiting in the Mauville Pokecenter for her pokemon to finish being healed. Within a few minutes, Nurse Joy indicated they were ready and Lucki retrieved her three pokeballs.

    She headed out. Now for the gym. It wasn't much of a walk from the Pokecenter, visible a way further down the street. Lucki trotted down the sidewalk past a storefront that lay between the two buildings. In the window was a stack of TVs all tuned to the PNC, or Pokemon News Channel.

    Lucki paused to watch for a few seconds.

    "In other news," read the scrolling closed captions under the announcers' torso, "Team Magma's reign of terror in Fallarbor and the surrounding area was cut short by Team Aqua, who retrieved a stolen meteorite and returned it to its owner, Prof. Cosmo, as well as dispersing the members of Team Magma in the area. Prof. Cosmo announced that he would be moving the meteorite into a secure area, halting his research, to prevent this from happening again."

    So Team Magma was up to no good when I saw them there. It's a good thing Team Aqua decided to stop them.

    Lucki continued along the sidewalk to the gym, coming to a large yellow door, which slid aside at her approach.

    Inside was a rotund older man, balding but with a thick spike of white hair at the back of his head like Tryke's tail, and a thicker set of an equally white mustache and beard that covered his face. He was wearing a plain brown suit. "Hello, I am Wattson!" he announced boisterously. "Since you have three pokemon, the battle will be three on three!"

    This'll be hard. Flare's the only one not at a disadvantage. I guess it'll depend on how well Tryke pulls off our strategy.

    "Go, Flare!"

    Wattson nodded in acknowledgement of her choice. "Go, Electrode!"

    The nearly four foot pokemon looked physically similar to its far smaller earlier form of voltorb. The red and white colors were switched, though, and it lacked the heavy furrowed brows and large eyes of a voltorb. It was a good foot larger than Flare, and probably weighed almost four times as much as the flame pokemon. Well, this battle won't be decided by bulk.

    "Thunderbolt!" Wattson called.

    The ball pokemon spun rapidly in place, gathering a static charge. A bolt of jagged lightning arced from the top to come down from above on Flare's back. He yelped at the impact, but didn't appear paralyzed or badly injured.

    "Ember, Flare!"

    He inhaled deeply, the white mane under his throat glowing, then shot out a large fireball into the electric type. The flames spread over its surface on impact, momentarily enveloping its front half in yellow fire, but then slid off and dissipated.

    "Thunder, then!" announced Wattson, seeing the first attack hadn't done much damage.

    The electric type spun again, far aster so that it was nothing more than a white and red blur. Thicker lightningbolts shot straight out from the Electrode at random intervals, scorching the walls where they hit. The attack seemed completely uncontrolled.

    Just as Lucki thought this, one thunderbolt lanced straight for her. Frightened, she jumped back, only to see the electricity take a sharp right turn at the edge of the battle area and head into one of the four metal poles that stood at each corner. So that was what they were for.

    Flare was having more trouble. The flame pokemon was running about the field, trying to jump or dodge the electric attacks. He barely managed to get clear of most of them. As Lucki watched, one struck him and he was down for a few seconds, but he got back on his feet in time to avoid the next bolt and continue dodging.

    The Electrode seemed to be slowing down. Sooner or later it'll run out of electricity.

    "Keep dodging, Flare, it can't keep this up forever!" she called out encouragingly.

    Now the ball pokemon was definitely moving slower. Flare was hit by another bolt but didn't stay down. He was still in decent condition. The advantage was Lucki's.

    The static around the Electrode vanished and after a few more rotations so did the spinning, leaving the ball pokemon wobbling dizzily, its eyes spirals.

    "All right Flare, now's our chance! Finish it off with tackle!" Flare launched himself at the electric type.

    "Thunderwave!" snapped Wattson quickly.

    The white and red pokemon shuddered, releasing a circular wave of yellow electricity in all directions. Flare leapt up to avoid it but the electricity bent upward with him, hitting and sending his body into a sudden spasm. He tumbled ungracefully into the Electrode, sending it rolling off the field.

    As Flare got back up, Wattson recalled the ball pokemon and released a spiky blue-and-yellow Manectric around twice the eevee evolution's height.

    Tryke's evolved form. Well, I can still win this.

    "Ember!" Lucki yelled. Flare shot a burst of orange-white flame at the other canine pokemon, knocking it back slightly.

    "Spark!" Wattson retaliated. His Manectric leapt gracefully forward, static gathering about it, then sent the electricity cloud into the flame pokemon.

    "Quick attack!"

    Flare shot forward – or started to, only to stumble and collapse as the paralysis hit. Wattson ordered another spark attack and Lucki's pokemon fainted.

    Drat. I was hoping we'd get a little further before I had to use Tryke. Well, no big deal. "Go, Tryke!"

    The smaller Electrike faced his three foot taller evolved form. For a moment Lucki worried Tryke would be intimidated, but that proved untrue as Tryke jumped a step forward in excitement. "You're going down!" he called cockily, his short tail wagging furiously. The Manectric snorted, not dignifying the statement with a response.

    "All right Tryke, start it off with a quick attack!"

    "Use your own quick attack," responded Wattson swiftly.

    Tryke blurred forward perfectly…as did the Manectric. They collided in the center of the battle area.

    We've been practicing for this strategy, but the Manectric's got more experience. They're evenly matched like this. Luckily I've still got an ace to play. "Dig!" Lucki called confidently.

    "Bite, quick!" shouted Wattson as Tryke's fast front paws rapidly tore through the hard floor to burrow into the ground. The Manectric lunged, its teeth snapping shut inches from the tip of Tryke's tail as he vanished below.

    The Manectric backed up, looking about itself uncertainly. Lucki thought of how she and Silver had struggled against the move. Now the tables were turned.

    As she thought that, Tryke shot up underneath the Manectric, sending it flying. "Keep it up!" Lucki shouted, and, stubby tail wagging, Tryke nodded and jumped back into the hole as the Manectric was still struggling back up.

    "Be ready!" Wattson called.

    Tryke appeared again, again knocking the evolved pokemon back. This time the electric type recovered more quickly and jumped forward to sink its teeth into his back. Tryke let out a startled yelp and began digging to escape, the dust knocked up flying into the other pokemon's face in an improvised version of sand attack. The Manectric released him and backed up a step, pawing at its face to clear its eyes.

    By that point, Tryke had vanished.

    Panting from exhaustion, the Manectric looked about once again, trotting from side to side. Tryke exploded from the ground again, and this time the evolved pokemon stayed down. Tryke grinned from ear to ear. "Told you!" he shouted as the Manectric was recalled.

    It wasn't over yet, though. Wattson picked his third pokeball thoughtfully, then threw it out. A light orange pokemon with grey-brown paws and a white belly appeared, standing on its hind legs. Its cheek pouches were yellow, rather then the red of its preceding evolutions, the color of a Pikachu's fur. It dropped to all fours, its curved frilly ears waving slightly before standing up straight, a sign it was fully charged. The inner side of its ears was a bright yellow, and the back the same grey-brown of its paws. Round black eyes sized up the smaller Electrike before it, and its smaller black nose twitched. Behind it waved a long, thin black tail ending in a jagged yellow lightningbolt shape.

    "Seismic toss!" called Wattson immediately. Tryke, not knowing the move, didn't react quickly enough and the Raichu grabbed him in its short arms and slammed him powerfully into the ground. Angry, he bit the electric mouse's tail, only to jerk as it responded with an attempt to electrocute him. Tryke's jaws released and he backed up. The shock wouldn't done much damage, but it'd hurt.

    "No, use dig again!" Lucki called.

    "Oh, right!" Tryke burrowed down. The Raichu sent a thundershock after him, prompting a yelp followed by the sound of faster digging. Subsequent shocks failed to get a response, vanishing into the ground even as the Raichu grew more and more annoyed, sending out growingly stronger attacks.

    "Just wait," Wattson told it after a moment. The Raichu nodded, its expression determined.

    Tryke surged up from below, knocking it up into the air.

    "Iron tail!"

    The Raichu flipped in midair, smashing Tryke in the face with a suddenly metallic tail, sending the electric type tumbling. He rolled to his feet and dashed into a nearby hole. The mouse glared after him, standing on its hind legs, and send out a tentative shock, but there was no response. It returned to all fours, ears waving in the air. Suddenly it started to run sideways as Tryke shot out of the ground again, so the attack half missed.

    "Thunderwave!" shouted Wattson.

    Before Tryke could make a break for the hole, the Raichu released a more controlled version of the Electrode's earlier attack straight into the unevolved pokemon, paralyzing him, then followed up with a slam attack that sent him rolling over the ground.

    I don't think he'll be getting back up… For a moment it seemed she was right. But then, to her surprise, Tryke began to struggle to his feet. Then he began to glow. Amazed, Lucki watched his short, stubby legs elongate, the crest in the back of his head turn upward, and his body grow until he was the same size as the Manectric he'd just fought.

    "Alright Tryke, you evolved!" Lucki called happily. "Quick attack!"

    The larger Manectric nodded, bolting forward to smash into the now smaller Raichu. It tumbled over the ground like he had a moment before, but to Lucki's disappointment it flipped back to its feet as Wattson called "Iron tail and seismic toss!" The Raichu's tail shone as it spun around to smack Tryke into the air, then leapt up after him, grabbing the stunned electric type and slamming him back into the ground. Tryke stumbled up a moment, only to collapse again.

    "You did a good job Tryke, return," Lucki told him as she recalled him to his pokeball. She picked Silver's white pokeball from her belt.

    The Raichu before her still looked strong, but it was panting slightly, both from the hits and the exertion of the moves it'd used. Lucki didn't know if Silver would be able to beat it. This would be tough. "Go, Silver!"

    Both the Raichu and its trainer seemed somewhat surprised. Quickly Lucki called, "Bubble, Silver, it's too fast!"

    Silver inhaled sharply, her expression one of concentration as she mixed the air with a low powered water gun to produce the froth of bubbles. The mixture hit the electric type, covering it. The mouse pokemon began struggling its way out, movements hampered by the water.

    "Tail whip it when it gets its head out," Lucki advised.

    Silver nodded, approaching carefully.

    "It's not going to be that easy. Raichu, thunder!"

    The mound of bubbles shuddered, and an instant later lightning bolts arced in all directions. One struck Silver in the chest, sending the petite turtle to the ground with an "oomph!"

    While Silver was stunned, the Raichu returned to pushing the bubbles off. After a moment it managed to get clear of the main bunch, although the froth was still stuck to its body and soaking its fur, slowing it. The electric type loped on all fours toward Silver, who smacked it with her tail as it approached.

    "Great, now water gun!"

    While the Raichu was startled, Silver blasted it away with a powerful torrent of water. When the attack ended, the Raichu was sodden, but Lucki realized the last of the bubble attack had been cleared. Glaring at the water type, the mouse's cheeks sparked. Its tail waved menacingly over its head. A second later, a powerful thunderbolt lanced from it to Silver.

    For several seconds, the tiny turtle didn't get up. Lucki held her breath. Then Silver began pushing herself back up with her arms, moving slowly. But when she did, Lucki could see it was no use. The silver Squirtle was almost beaten. She wouldn't be able to take another thunderbolt attack. Withdraw wouldn't do anything against an electric move, she didn't know protect… "Try to dodge, Silver!" Lucki called, seeing that the Raichu was charging for another thunderbolt. Silver stared at the approaching attack instead, looking stunned. Her body suddenly gained a metallic sheen slightly resembling the Raichu's iron tail move just before it hit. Silver staggered back as a mirror image of the attack shot back explosively at the Raichu. It collapsed, unconscious, the floor around it scorched. Looking surprised, Wattson recalled it.

    "Silver! Do you know what you just did?" Lucki asked, shocked, as she ran to the small pokemon.

    Silver looked somewhat dazed. "Something?"

    "That was mirror coat!"

    "Oh." Silver sounded less impressed than Lucki. "Okay. Is that important? I'll remember it."

    Wattson headed over. "Congratulations, that was a good battle." He handed Lucki the Dynamo Badge, and she headed out.

    Back at the Pokecenter, Lucki healed her pokemon. When Nurse Joy returned them, she remembered Tryke. She released him.

    "Hey!" he greeted when he appeared. "I evolved. And," he added confidently, "Next time there's a battle like that, I'll beat both. Count on it!"

    Lucki laughed. "Glad to see you're still so gung-ho, Tryke. And speaking of that, I guess you need a new name now…"


    *

    So, any suggestions for Tryke's new name? I'm kinda stumped.

    Jump to Chapter Ten
    Last edited by icemew; 24th August 2006 at 5:04 PM.

  20. #70
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    Nice!! Kinda short but it was a great chapter!! Keep it up!


  21. #71
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    I enjoyed this chapter
    I think tryke's new name should be Plasma or Raidia

    I got them from this

    Lightning strikes during a night-time thunderstorm. Energy is radiated as light as the air of Earth's atmosphere is shifted from gas to plasma and back.

    I like Plasma more

    I can't wait for the next chapter
    Last edited by shadowlight; 9th August 2006 at 8:50 PM. Reason: wanted to say where I got something and didn't like the spacin
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  22. #72
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    Another very nice Chapter! The battle with Wattson was well played out and quite enjoyable, and Tryke's evolution was a bit unexpected. She just captured it in the last Chapter, after all. Still, it was very well written, no grammar errors or anything that I could spot, so congrats on that! Nice to see Team Aqua do something good for a change... Although they're likely just doing it to further their own nefarious deeds. *sighs* Oh well. As usual, looking forward to the next Chapter!

    Until we meet again...
    The Legacy Continues

    A story of events in the world of Pokémon, long after Ash Ketchum has retired from the scene. His young child, determined to surpass even her father's incredible achievements, has a long and fantastic journey ahead of her... even as forces greater than any known before conspire to arrange their own ends behind the scenes.

    Returning soon, revised and infinitely better than the original.


  23. #73
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    TheTurquoiseTauros!, I'm glad you liked it! I'll try to make the next chapter a bit longer.

    Interesting names, shadowlight...Maybe I'll use Plasma. They both seem like they'd be better for a girl Manectric, though. Dunno why.

    The Pokemon Master, thanks! I thought it'd be unexpected to have Tryke be the one to evolve. There are high level Electrike around Mauville, though, so he was one of those.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Pokemon Master
    Nice to see Team Aqua do something good for a change...
    Well, this is mostly following Ruby, so it's more one team doing stuff than in Emerald, where they're both all over the place.

  24. #74
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    That was quite a cool chapter; shorter than usual and not really paragraphed too well for my liking but a definite up in everything else! There was plenty of action in the battle and tryke's evolution was neatly done (though there are no electrike between lavaridge and mauville in pokemon ruby). Silver learning mirror coat was also unexpected. Can't wait to see where Lucki goes next!

    Oh yeah, try Raiden or Rai-something (Rai meaning thunder) for a nickname for tryke.

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  25. #75
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    Yay, I'm back! And almost done with the next chapter!

    I wonder why everyone says it's so short, it's a page longer then ch eight.

    Air Dragon, I'm glad you liked the battle. What should I change about the paragraphs?

    There aren't Electrike on that route in the games, yeah, but they're right to the south and west. Tryke had wandered off to explore. And Raiden sounds like a really cool name.

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