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  1. #76
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    Talking

    This story would've been posted days ago, but I've had to do family stuff.

    Anyway, I decided to use Air Dragon's name, and the trainer in this chapter, Justin, is TheTurquoiseTauros!'s.


    Chapter 10 – Rain and Shine


    "I guess you need a new name now…" Lucki thought for a moment. "How about Raiden?"

    "Sure!"

    The next morning, Lucki headed out of the Pokecenter.

    Time to head north. Lucki looked down the path before her.

    It was cloudy, even misty, although warm enough to be not so bad. The plants by either side of the path certainly seemed to like it. The tall grass was twice or three times the size she normally saw, and even the individual grass blades were mammoth. Traveling through that would be hard. It must be because of how wet it is here.

    Lucki remembered that some plant pokemon also lived in the area. Oddish and Gloom did well there, just like in many other parts of Hoenn, as did rare pokemon like Roselia, who shared their grass/poison type but not their range, being restricted to this route and its unusual climate. Tropius too, she remembered after a bit more thought. It was also the only place the even rarer water type Feebas could be found.

    The grass rustled and a Linoone shot out in a straight line, reminding Lucki they inhabited the area too. It was gone a moment later into the vegetation on the other side of the path, the wind disguising the swaying of the grass tops as it headed along.

    She wondered if she should try to catch something to add to her team. She already had Silver, so she wasn't interested in trying her luck at finding a Feebas. A Roselia might be nice, she liked them and she'd been considering getting a grass type when Tryke – well, Raiden now – had shown up. She thought about the different types she'd be fighting. She'd learned it in school, but she always forgot one when she tried listing them. Water, fire, grass…steel, dark, psychic, poison, electric, ground, ice, flying, fighting, ghost…dragon, bug, rock…there's one left.

    While Lucki was pondering, she almost ran into a trainer heading in the opposite direction. The boy was about an inch shorter than her, and really skinny. He had white hair with green highlights and was wearing an orange vest over a blue long-sleeved shirt and cream colored cargos, as well as brown sandals.

    "Oh, sorry," they both chorused at the same time. Lucki laughed.

    "Hey, let's have a battle," Lucki suggested. "I'm Lucki."

    "I'm Justin. I only have one, so it'll have to be a one on one fight."

    Lucki nodded. "Sure."

    Justin picked his one pokeball from his belt. Lucki grabbed the first sphere on her own belt, Silver's white school pokeball. The two trainers threw each at the same time.

    Silver's pokeball popped open, but Lucki wasn't watching. Instead she was staring at the gigantic white light solidifying before her.

    Normal types. I was forgetting normal types. Lucki didn't think she'd make that mistake again as she watched the Snorlax rumble to its feet. It wasn't as colossal as some of the really high level ones got, but no Snorlax was anything short of imposing.

    Well, I've already picked my pokemon. "Water gun, Silver!" Not giving the huge pokemon a chance at the first move, Silver blasted it in the belly with a powerful jet of water, the force depressing its stomach like poked dough, and the strike enough to knock it off balance so that it sat back down heavily with a rumble as it struck the ground.

    "Get up and use body slam!" he called.

    "Silver, get ready to dodge!" she responded as the sleepy pokemon rolled ponderously to its feet, the fat that padded its whole giant body jiggling. Then, with surprising speed and a sort of grace, it launched itself into the air. Silver stared at it in shock for a moment, then recovered and dove to the side, narrowly getting clear of its shadow before it hit, the force enough to make her bounce upward herself a bit. "Quick! Use another water gun!"

    Silver inhaled deeply, then shot the attack into the Snorlax's side with all the force she could muster. She didn't shift it this time, but judging by the way its side bent in under the force and the unhappy if mostly annoyed groan of the Snorlax, it was doing damage. It rocked backwards onto its feet again, then without warning launched itself atop the tiny turtle, crushing Silver under its stomach. When it pulled off, Lucki saw Silver had withdrawn into her shell. She popped out almost in the same moment and scurried away before the Snorlax could try that again.

    "Try to stay back, and keep using water gun," Lucki decided. That seemed the best strategy. Silver backed further up and shot out a quick watergun.

    "Another body slam!" the other trainer called. Lucki wondered if he was hoping his pokemon would manage to paralyze Silver.

    But the attack fell short, Silver nimbly dodging and hitting the normal type with water gun while it was down.

    "Try again!"

    Silver dodged again. "Great, keep it up!" Lucki encouraged.

    Abruptly Justin shouted, "Tackle!"

    Lucki hadn't been expecting something like that. The Snorlax again moved more quickly than it looked like it should be able to, trampling across the ground to run into Silver. The petite water type went flying several feet. But she got up again easily. The same padding that protected the large pokemon from damage had softened its attack. She fired back another water gun.

    The two pokemon continued trading attacks. The Snorlax's tackles were doing more damage than Silver's water gun attacks, but she was dodging many of them.

    Justin decided it was time to change tactics. "Use belly drum!" The Snorlax cut off another tackling charge and began pounding its stomach with both arms, hard enough to be clear and loud to Lucki. And it really was pounding, Lucki knew, she remembered learning about this move. A healthy Snorlax would cut that health in half using the move. Since this one was injured, that meant it would be somewhere below that point. Lucki wasn't sure how far below, but she was sure Silver had done a good deal of damage. Of course, its attacks will be several times stronger now.

    "Now headbutt!"

    The Snorlax lowered its head and barreled straight down on Silver. She dodged the move somewhat more easily than the tackles, and the Snorlax struck a tree behind her. Lucki winced as she saw the tree split lengthwise. Silver stared, looking surprised.

    "Silver, make sure you stay out of its way," Lucki told her firmly. Silver nodded strongly.

    "Keep going, Snorlax," called the boy.

    The normal type lowered its head and charged again. Silver narrowly avoided being hit, but had no time to attack back before the other pokemon turned and barreled toward her yet again. The third time it struck a large boulder, hard enough to momentarily stun it. "Quick Silver, water gun!"

    Silver didn't hesitate, blasting at her opponent as it struggled up. She had to cut off her attack shortly after to roll out of the way of another headbutt, the Snorlax almost hitting her. Still, Lucki thought they were doing well. The Snorlax couldn't take much more of their attacks. One or two more good hits…

    "Get it with tackle!"

    "Eep!" Silver tried to dodge, but the Snorlax was more maneuverable with this attack, and swerved as well. She was sent flying again, far more forcibly. She took a moment to get up when she landed, looking unsteady.

    She's not going to be able to dodge… "Silver, just hit it with another water gun, quick!"

    Silver blasted the Snorlax with another torrent, knocking it onto its back. It wobbled like it was about to get up. Lucki tensed…but then it relaxed again, going unconscious.

    "All right!" Lucki yelled, rushing over to Silver. "We won!" The small Squirtle nodded, looking proud. Lucki took out a potion from her bag and began spraying it over Silver's injuries, then looked to her opponent. "Great battle. Your Snorlax is really strong."

    He nodded. "Thanks. Your Squirtle's well trained too." Justin recalled his pokemon and Lucki continued on her way.

    She passed a clump of berry plants but didn't stop. They were still growing and hadn't even sprouted flowers yet, let alone the useful berries. A little way further was a pile of leafy growth, almost a hut. Kids in some places used them as hideouts. Lucki wondered if there might be someone hiding inside like that ninja-wannabe kid she'd seen near Fallarbor, but decided it was unlikely. This area was too wet to make a good secret base.

    As if thinking about it caused it, it began to lightly rain. Lucki groaned in annoyance, shaking her head as drops landed, but after a moment ignored it. It was too warm to be a real bother.

    And the rain was dispelling some of the mist, making it easier to see. She had a better view of a narrow, white bridge across the Rain River. They weren't useable to her – they were set up for people with bikes to fool around with. Well, maybe I could use them…if I didn't mind the fact I'd be more likely to fall in than make it to the other side. The main bridges across were further along. They were set up on bedrock plateaus, as unlike the light white bridges, they needed more support than muddy ground to be secure. She could see the steps of the first such plateau up ahead.

    But before she could start climbing, an Oddish hopped into her path. "Odd…" it told her, shaking the green leaves atop its round blue body and releasing a purple powder. The cloud settled down over it, but as it was immune to poison attacks, this didn't matter.

    Well, if it wants a battle… "Go, Flare," Lucki announced.

    The weed pokemon hopped into the air at this, leaves trembling. This time it sent the spores toward the fire type.

    Blue – sleep powder. "Flare, burn it away with an ember!"

    Flare sent out a short flash of flame, searing a wide path through the blue dust. The remnants on either side dissipated in the light rain and wind.

    "Great! Now get the Oddish itself with another ember!"

    Flare inhaled again for another burst of flame, more deeply this time. The fire struck the grass type, but barely flashed against it rather than engulfing it.

    "Try again!" called Lucki quickly, but the Oddish attacked first, running across the wet dirt path on its large round feet and plowing into the flame pokemon, the force sending him skidding backward in the mud, his feet slipping under him so that he fell on his side with a splash.

    "Quick, ember!" shouted Lucki.

    "Right!" Flare shouted back, jumping to his feet. He sent another burst of energy into the Oddish. It cringed, but again the flame didn't last long enough. It shook itself, sending out another powder attack. Flare barely managed another ember before it reached him, burning it away with bare seconds to spare.

    "Come on Flare, you've got to manage a stronger flame!"

    Flare nodded. He inhaled deeply, then spat out the next burst. It flared brightly as it hit the Oddish, but like all the rest faded far too fast. Then Flare opened his mouth again and flamed the Oddish, the fire issuing forth continuing from his jaws for the space of several seconds. Slightly blackened, the weed pokemon glared at him before running forward for another physical attack. Flare took it stoically, then unleashed a white flamethrower.

    "All right Flare!" shouted Lucki as the Oddish wobbled on its feet and sat down in a near faint. "We won!"

    Flare nodded again, shaking himself.

    "Oh – is the rain a problem?"

    He stopped. "No, my fur was just pushed the wrong way from the mud. You won at the gym, then. Tryke do well?"

    "Oh, yeah. Tryke – well, actually, he evolved fighting the third pokemon, so I figured he needed a new name. It's Raiden, what do you think?"

    The flareon looked unimpressed. "Thought of a better name?"

    "What, you don't like it?"

    He grinned suddenly. "No, I was just joking."

    Lucki laughed and recalled him. She continued along, crossing one of the large wooden bridges. Before long the rain let up and shortly after the clouds disappeared. The sun appeared, drying everything off. Lucki appreciated this, as the road ahead had been taken over by the giant grass, and pushing her way through that was slow and hard enough without adding water to the mix.

    She reached another, larger berry patch, this time fruiting, and stopped a while to collect the mix of Pomeg, Sitrus and Hondew berries. Sitrus were especially healthy berries for pokemon, while Pomeg and Hondew were good snacks.

    All too suddenly it began to grow darker. She'd been hoping to make it to Fortree before night, but it was a lot slower going than she'd expected. She hadn't even reached the second bridge yet. She stopped and set up camp.

    * * *

    Lucki woke up the next morning to warm golden sunlight on her face. Yawning, she sat up and stretched, then climbed out of her sleeping bag. She reached for the backpack nearby and opened it to get out her clothing for the day.

    And froze.

    Her pokeballs were gone.

    Jump to Chapter Eleven
    Last edited by icemew; 28th March 2007 at 1:53 AM.

  2. #77
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    Cool

    First of all, i'm honoured by you using my suggestion for tryke's new nickname!

    Now to the rant...

    Silver beats a snorlax! Flare learns flamethrower!! Lucki's pokeballs stolen!!! horrors! Catastrophe! zounds! all other exclaimation marks! (just kiddding about the first one though...heh,heh)

    Wow. That ended in an unexpected way! Two battles and your pokemon are gone! Lucki must have cuaght that kinda luck from Sapph!

    On a more critical role, i saw no typos to mention and the battles were well rehearsed and presented. can't wait to see if lucki can get her pokeballs back and get to Fortree before bedtime!

    Later!
    Last edited by Air Dragon; 25th August 2006 at 9:33 PM.
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  3. #78
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    No typos? Yay!

    Wow. That ended in an unexpected way! Two battles and your pokemon are gone! Lucki must have cuaght that kinda luck from Sapph!
    Eek! She's in trouble then.

  4. #79
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    Well, that was another very nice little Chapter. Silver beating a Snorlax was a bit much, but nothing too extreme. I guess. Ah well, glad Flare learned Flamethrower, it'll help in unfavorable conditions like the Oddish battle. And where'd her Poké Balls go? Hmm... anyway, one minor typo I picked up:
    And it was really was pounding, Lucki knew, she remembered learning about this move.
    Which one's the extra was?

    Anyway, another fun Chapter, and I look forward to the next one!

    Until we meet again...
    The Legacy Continues

    A story of events in the world of Pokémon, long after Ash Ketchum has retired from the scene. His young child, determined to surpass even her father's incredible achievements, has a long and fantastic journey ahead of her... even as forces greater than any known before conspire to arrange their own ends behind the scenes.

    Returning soon, revised and infinitely better than the original.


  5. #80
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    I like this 'fic. -bookmarks-

    Silver...a silver Squirtle! A tad obvious name, but still. It's fitting. And, now, the amazing silver Squirtle beats a Snorlax due to SIZE and AGILITY. o_0 Why didn't the Snorlax just sit on Silver?

    I thought Raiden evolving so soon was rather sudden. If Tryke/Rai's so strong, how did Lucki manage to catch him in the first place?

    Lucki woke up the next morning to warm golden sunlight on her face. Yawning, she sat up and stretched, then climbed out of her sleeping bag. She reached for the backpack nearby and opened it to get out her clothing for the day.

    And froze.

    Her pokeballs were gone.
    Rani likes short, succinct, dramatic sentences. Go us!


    Rani
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  6. #81
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    The Pokemon Master - oops, the first was shouldn't have been there. Fixed that, thanks!

    Quote Originally Posted by Rani Fernleaf View Post
    Squirtle beats a Snorlax due to SIZE and AGILITY. o_0 Why didn't the Snorlax just sit on Silver?
    The Snorlax tried, and it did body slam, but Silver was staying further away and using watergun most of the time. No chance to sit on her. It makes sense a smaller pokemon would be able to dodge better.
    I thought Raiden evolving so soon was rather sudden. If Tryke/Rai's so strong, how did Lucki manage to catch him in the first place?
    He's not that strong. Lucki's almost at Fortree, she's not quite such a rookie now...

  7. #82
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    You're very welcome! 'Tis what reviews are for.

    And you're right, it does make some sense, but even considering all of that it's a bit questionable that Snorlax couldn't use its sheer bulk to push through the Water Gun and squish her. Still, it was well written, so I don't exactly mind. At least not for this battle situation. Don't let it get too wierd, e.g. Silver beats Zapdos. Exaggerated example, to be sure, but hopefully you get the point.

    Until we meet again...
    Last edited by The Pokemon Master; 7th September 2006 at 10:23 AM.
    The Legacy Continues

    A story of events in the world of Pokémon, long after Ash Ketchum has retired from the scene. His young child, determined to surpass even her father's incredible achievements, has a long and fantastic journey ahead of her... even as forces greater than any known before conspire to arrange their own ends behind the scenes.

    Returning soon, revised and infinitely better than the original.


  8. #83
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    Oh no! Her pokeballs are gone! What's going to happen next?!

    Anyway, it's so great that Flare won! Yay!


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    Quote Originally Posted by The Pokemon Master View Post
    And you're right, it does make some sense, but even considering all of that it's a bit questionable that Snorlax couldn't use its sheer bulk to push through the Water Gun and squish her.
    Well, the battle went pretty much watergun, Silver going "AAH!!!" and running out of the way of the Snorlax, watergun. There were many squishing attempts.

    Poor Silver.

    And Plum, thanks! Glad you liked it.

    And hey, who rated this one star??

  10. #85
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    You've been officially Monostar'd! Evil, evil people. They did it to me too. S'fine, just means you're awesome XD

    The Snorlax tried, and it did body slam, but Silver was staying further away and using watergun most of the time. No chance to sit on her. It makes sense a smaller pokemon would be able to dodge better.
    'Kay. -silently pretends that self didn't wish for a good squishing. Cause dramatic=good.- That works for me.
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  11. #86
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    Ick, three one-star votes in a row. Guess I really shouldn't get involved in touchy fights...

    But here's chapter 11! My keyboard was being strange, so there might be some really weird typos. I proofread three times, but I don't know if I got them all.

    Chapter 11 - Trouble

    Lucki's first thought was a Linoone stole it. The rushing pokemon could be even more troublesome than their pre-evolved forms of Zigzagoon. But there was no reason why a Linoone would open her bag and run off with just her pokeballs. They'd just make off with the whole bag.

    Pokemon thieves.

    Lucki shuddered. To think someone like that had come in the night while she was sleeping, without her knowing anything...

    But who would do something like that? Team Magma?

    Those creeps would definitely do something like that. They hadn't thought about right and wrong when they tried to steal those blueprints from Devon, why would they this time?

    They wouldn't get away with this. She'd...

    ...what? She was out here without her pokemon. She could try to get to Mauville or Fortree, but that would take hours, and by then the thieves could be gone. She was on her own. Completely.

    Lucki smiled suddenly. I bet the last thing they're expecting is for me to cause them trouble...

    *

    There! Lucki thought in triumph, spying figures moving a little way below her. She was lying on her stomach on the ground, concealed by the heavy vegetation that covered the edge of the small cliff she was on, a thick mixture of trees, bushes and grass. And even if she could have been seen, none of the figures seemed to be paying any attention to the area above them.

    The figures below were on the large main path, by a white pickup truck. I knew it! Two of them, both in the distinctive Team Magma outfits – two red cloth bands around either arm, gray-black gloves, gray pants with a red belt and more of the red bands around their ankles above their gray shoes. And of course the weird red hood with black horns on either side, like they were pretending to be some sort of demon.

    It looked like they were loading bags into the back of the truck. Or one of them, anyway, a boy who looked like he was maybe thirteen who was turned toward the direction Lucki was, although there was no chance he'd see her, hiding in the bushes and up so high. He didn't seem like he was paying any attention, anyway. The other boy was turned away, head completely hidden by the red hood. He looked taller and older, maybe by a year or two, and probably keeping watch. The younger boy slung a brown sack into the back of the truck. The tie on the top loosened and a handful of pokeballs rolled out. One bumped against a rubber tire and popped open. Flare appeared. He looked around.

    "Hey boy," said one of the Team Magma members, walking over and patting him on the head before picking up the open pokeball and recalling him. "It's a shame we can't keep them, huh?" he commented to the older boy, who was gathering fallen pokeballs. "That one looked friendly."

    Why didn't Flare do anything?

    "Don't kid around. That was close," responded the older boy. "We're lucky that the Flareon was so laid back." His voice sounded familiar. Maybe he was the same one Lucki had defeated before.

    "Yeah, I'll be more careful. Still, it's a shame. I always wanted a Flareon. I'd call him Helios. He looked like a Helios."

    "He looked like he's not yours. C'mon, focus."

    Up on the cliff, Lucki fumed. I don't believe it! Why'd Flare just stand around like that? She sighed. I guess there's no helping it. But now that I've found them, what do I do?

    She hadn't seen any other trainers around, and guessed that even if she had run into anybody, odds were they'd have been pokemonless too. She needed to get to the truck and grab the bags, but getting there without the help of a pokemon would be tough and getting away again even tougher. And she'd need to hurry, no telling when they'd take off.

    Lucki realized she hadn't seen any pokemon for a while. Maybe they stayed clear of people without pokeballs on display, figuring there wasn't a chance of battles?

    Just as she was thinking that, another hoodie-wearing member showed up, carrying a smaller bag.

    "How'd it go?" called one of the first two. His voice was definitely familiar, Lucki was sure of it.

    "I think I got all of them – a few of them scattered after the first attack, but they stuck around around for a fight, and there were only a few left around to flee after that. I think I mopped all those guys up. And the plan worked great – no interference at all." He flashed a thumb's up at the other two.

    At that moment an arc of wind smashed through the trees on the side of the road into the new member, knocking him to the side and the bag off his shoulders. It hit the ground and pokeballs scattered everywhere. A Tropius flew out, headed for the pokeballs, only to be tackled to the side by a Mightyena one of them had let out in the confusion.

    The Tropius attempted another gust, but the dark type shrugged it off, running in for a bite attack. The Tropius shook itself free but rather than attack again attempted to fly off. It looked unsteady, and Lucki could see its wings were torn. It narrowly dodged the Mightyena's next attack and flew away – right toward Lucki's hiding place. She scrambled back.

    The grass type came crashing through the trees to come to a halt almost at Lucki's feet. Up close, she could see it – he - was in bad shape, with red scratches and scrapes all over his tan body, and his green leaflike wings looked even worse. Over his exhausted pants Lucki could hear the shouts of the three Team Magma members giving chase.

    "Hey!" she shouted.

    The Tropius slowly turned his long neck to regard her.

    "You've got to get moving, they're going to get you!"

    The Tropius let out a low cry. He attempted to stand, but one foreleg crumpled under him.

    "Okay okay wait!" Lucki rummaged through her bag, pulling out the Sitrus berries. It was a good thing she'd thought to collect them earlier. "Here, eat these, quick!" she told it, holding them out.

    The Tropius took them. He chewed the berries as Lucki frantically searched her bag, pulling out a super potion. She sprayed it on the Tropius' injured leg. "Come on come on!" she hissed, watching the injuries fade. The Tropius let out another deep cry. He tested his leg.

    "Can you move now?" she asked right as the first Team Magma member appeared.

    "Go!" he shouted, throwing out a pokeball.

    Quickly, the Tropius dipped his neck and grabbed Lucki by the back of her shirt. Then, wings humming, they rose into the air, dodging an energy ripple as they took off.

    *

    Lucki wasn't sure how long they flew. It couldn't have been that long, especially not with the Tropius in the condition he was in, but when you're danging in the air by the back of your shirt with criminals on your tail and a decidedly unsteady pilot, everything seems to take longer.

    The Tropius dipped sharply and landed a bit roughly in another section of the forest, a good way from where she started, setting her down. Lucki stumbled slightly as she caught her footing and took a few deep breaths.

    "Thanks," she told him, turning. "Are you okay?"

    The Tropius was looking worse, neck drooping and his wings completely shredded by the landing. Still, he nodded gravely in response to her question.

    "So, I guess Team Magma stole all your friends, right?"

    He nodded again.

    "They stole my pokemon too," Lucki replied, getting another potion from her backpack and starting to spray it over his injuries. "I was just thinking of doing something like you did. So, wanna team up? Get back at those jerks?"

    Lucki was expecting something enthusiastic, but the Tropius just nodded a third slow time, looking determined. "Ius."

    Jump to Chapter Twelve
    Last edited by icemew; 27th October 2006 at 9:00 PM.

  12. #87
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    hmm, that was short... the poor tropius seems really bashed about... if his friends were captured, does that mean he can't travel with Lucki, or were they wild too...

    thanks for the shout out, i really gotta go. Later!
    The Corei Quest's latest chapter: Chapter Forty Seven: Tricks of the Trade (24 April 2014)
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    Hmm I was wondering about that too
    I hope that they get to travel together
    He would make a nice addition to her team
    I can't wait for the next chapter
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    To tell the truth, I have been avoiding this story for I thought, (misguidedly) that this wouldn't be any good. You proved me wrong. Very wrong. =D I have only read the first chapter, but it has hooked me right in. Great job! =D

    I will be back when I have caught up, I just wanted to let you know how much I have enjoyed this... =D


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    This is really exciting! Hurry and continue, PLEASE!!!


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    Wow, a fourth one-star in a row, that's like a record or something. Least I got more votes and nice replies!

    Air Dragon, yep, the Tropius didn't have an easy morning at all. And he's wild, that's why he's up and about. Team Magma's poaching on top of stealing trainer's pokes. Evil people.

    shadowlight, well, maybe.....

    katiekitten, hi! I'm glad you did decide to read after all. What gave you that impression? Anything I can change?

    And thanks, Plum, I'm happy you like it too!

    New chapter will be up soon...ish.

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    I took entirely too long to finally get around to this thread, let me tell you...

    Well, at least I finally did get here to read this, and I'm glad I did. I like the plot, particularly in that it follows its own course through Hoenn rather than simply being just a predictable reflection of R/S/E and just going from gym to gym in the same order as the games. There are also plenty of nice surprises and unexpected twists in this story, particularly the theft of Lucki's Pokémon.

    My favorite thing about this is easily the use of the Pokémon translator devices. They do a great job of conveying the Pokémon's thoughts and feelings, which makes the Pokémon feel more like characters rather than just accessories to the human characters. That's a quality I always love to see in a story. ^^

    I look forward to reading more of this. ^^ Before I depart for the time being, here are my favorite funny quotes from the story:

    "Does so! I don't wanna be caught! Trainers are jerks!"

    Lucki felt insulted. "We are not!"

    "Are so!" The Electrike stuck his tongue out at her.

    "If trainers are jerks, how come you're the one doing the shocking and yelling?" Lucki asked, annoyed.

    "Um…because!" The Electrike looked pleased with himself.
    "Silver! Do you know what you just did?" Lucki asked, shocked, as she ran to the small pokemon.

    Silver looked somewhat dazed. "Something?"
    DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK
    (Or do. I don't actually mind.)
    The Origin of Storms | Communication

  18. #93
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    Thanks, Sike Saner, I'm just happy you did get around to reading it! I'm glad you liked the gym mixup, I think I confused some people with that. And I'm really glad you like the pokemon, I'm always worried of slipping into pokebot territory or doing something else wrong!

  19. #94
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    Wow... this is something else. Well articulated battles, clear personalities of the Pokemon, and it's pretty original considering it's in the Hoenn region that we know all too well. I'm in the process of rewriting my own fic and trying to make it an "original" journey fic (starring a girl) that stands out, like yours does (only I do have the "tree" professor and a self-made region). However I am having trouble developing distinct personalities for my Pokemon and you seem to have an excellent handle on it. I like this one because unlike some of the "critically acclaimed" 5-star ones, this one isn't intimidating or daunting. Its a good, well developed story that I can immerse myself into. And yes, I do have a soft spot for original original trainer fics starring strong-willed girls

    Grammar mistakes are few and far between, and they don't really detract from the enjoyment of the story itself.

    Only problems I've seen so far are Lucki getting evolved forms quickly, and the somewhat skewed battle vs. Snorlax. Even with two evolved forms it doesn't seem that Lucki is overly dominant in her battles. I'll be looking forward to updates of this for sure, and I may even be inspired for my own fic. But I won't steal your ideas (like the translator thingie), I promise! I'm not like those jerks from Team Magma!
    Last edited by DarkPersian479; 10th October 2006 at 9:27 PM.

  20. #95
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    Wow, thanks DarkPersian479!

    Pokemon personalities, well, for each pokemon I picked a certain distinct trait for it, like timid/hyper, as the starting point. It seems to work pretty well.

    I guess she did get a lot of evolved forms but then the story's about halfway done now, and she's about halfway through her badges too. Usually by this point in the game my team's pretty developed. Those two are her only ones, too.

    Well the translators aren't just my idea. Other people have used them too.

  21. #96
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    *Feels guilty for not reviewing every chapter.*
    Ah-hum.
    I really like this story, I really do.
    Your writing style reminds me of my own ^o^
    I feel so sorry fo rthat poor Tropius u.u
    Anyhoo...I think you're doing really well! Keep it up.

    Kenouni Renashin

  22. #97
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    No problem, I'm just glad you did end up reviewing. And thanks!

    I feel so sorry fo rthat poor Tropius u.u
    Wait til you see what happens to him next chapter...

  23. #98
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    Hmm. This is the first time I have seen this thread.
    And I must say, I rather enjoyed reading it this rainy afternoon
    I am fond that you chose Tropius to be in the story
    Its one of my favorites. =D
    Good luck, and keep writing

  24. #99
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    Skysthelimit, glad you had the time to read! It's always great to get a new reader.

    Chapter Twelve – Retaliating

    "All right," Lucki muttered, watching the path and single Team Magma member approaching, bag slung over one shoulder. "You ready?"

    By her side came the quiet agreement of, "Ropi."

    "Good. I'm going then." Lucki stood, brushing dirt off her knees, and jumped into the path.

    "Hey!" she shouted boldly at the startled Team Magma agent. "What do you think you're doing?"

    He looked at her in surprise. Then the gust attack hit, knocking him over and making him drop his burden. Lucki ran forward, snagging the bag of pokeballs off the ground and taking off as he was getting up. He started to chase, only to swear as he was cut off by a sudden flurry of razor-sharp leaves launched by Tropius. Lucki could just imagine his perplexed look as he tried to decide to chase her, going one way, or deal with the attack coming from the other side of the road. She didn't wait for him to figure it out.

    She ran for a few minutes before she was certain she was safe, then opened the bag. It was filled with ultraballs. Probably stolen too. She opened them, releasing a multitude of Roselia as well as a pair of Linoone. No Tropius, but it was a start and these didn't deserve to belong to criminals any more than the Tropius' herd did.

    I wonder why they're catching all these guys. To sell, I guess.

    The Tropius came a few minutes later. He was a lot better at finding her than she was at finding him. He looked okay, barring his wings. They were yellowing and wilting despite the super potion she'd sprayed on them, but he seemed not to mind. It was a good thing that Team Magma hadn't given serious chase though, as it was obvious there was no way he'd be able to pull off another flying escape.

    Of course, she wasn't their goal. Their goal was whatever they were doing with the stolen pokemon. She was just getting in the way of that. And doing a good job of it, she thought spitefully as she started back toward the path. She'd managed to stop one of the Team Magma poachers. They'd have to catch all those pokemon again. And they couldn't stay here forever. Sooner or later one of the other trainers would get to a city and report this. Hadn't Team Magma gotten kicked off Mt. Chimney within a few hours of their taking that meteorite?

    She started to head back to the path. "Time to find another target."

    *

    Two bags later Lucki found herself running for her life. Apparently they'd figured out what she was up to, and this time, when she ran out, another Team Magma jerk had been waiting. She'd barely even seen him before he'd thrown a pokeball out and she'd taken off before things could get worse.

    She heard an order shouted and dropped flat as the psychic attack rolled over her, smashing through the trees and bushes just above her. One of the last Team Magma pokemon had tried something similar, but it hadn't been half so destructive. The plants and air was so wet that fire attacks hadn't had effects like that.

    The instant the attack ended she scrambled back up and kept running. I'm not your goal, remember! she thought angrily. Your boss didn't declare today's mission Make Lucki's Life Suck! So quit chasing me already!

    Another attack didn't come crashing down on her, so she slowed and risked a glance behind her. She didn't see anything – well, besides a bunch of destroyed plants – or hear another attack called.

    She could hear water up just ahead. Figuring she was lost now, she headed forward, stepping out of the forest onto a narrow beach by the Rain River.

    Lucki took a deep breath and looked around, trying to get her bearings. She turned back to the forest, holding one hand above her eyes to shade them as much from the light rain as the noon sun.

    At which moment a Grumpig bounded out of the forest, psychic energy gathering in its hands.

    Not another one! Lucki thought. Or maybe – was that what Team Magma was doing there on Jagged Path, when I saw the one? Catching pokemon, like they are here? she realized. And maybe I should be running right now rather than thinking about all this.

    But then something huge leaped out of the water. Lucki turned in time to see a gigantic Sharpedo arced in the air, a hyper beam gathering between its massive jaws for a second before shooting out and sending the Grumpig crashing back into the forest.

    "Hey, are you okay?" asked a boy in a black and white stripped short sleeved shirt and blue pants. He was wearing a bandanna tied over his head and had dark gray gloves on his hands. Team Aqua. "They stole your pokemon, right?"

    "Yeah – What are you guys doing here?" she demanded.

    "Hey, hey!" the boy protested, putting his hands up defensively. "We're the good guys."

    "That doesn't answer my question," Lucki replied suspiciously.

    His hands still in the air, the Team Aqua boy responded, "We heard Team Magma was getting involved in something again over here, and figured we should do something about it." He paused a second to look her over. "From how you look, it's probably a good thing we did."

    Lucki looked down at herself. Her clothing was dirty and mud-splattered, her shirt and skirt ripped at the edges, and she had small red scratches on her arms and legs from the bushes she'd been pushing through. "Okay, point. But what are you guys planning?"

    "We're just here to stop them. If you have any ideas that could help, or could just fill me in a little...You've been out here a while, right?"

    Lucki nodded. "They stole everyone's pokemon, I think, and now they're poaching. I think they might've robbed a store beforehand, because they're using ultraballs. They had a truck up that way," she told him pointing northwest, "on the main path."

    "Any others?"

    "I didn't see any, and all of the Team Magma guys I saw were heading that way. I don't know how much longer they'll be staying – I've been jumping lone ones and grabbing the pokeballs, but they could always decide to leave without a full load."

    "That's good. They're usually pretty fast about this, so they get out before we can get there. You're probably the reason they were so delayed. They're just using a truck, though? On the main road?"

    Lucki nodded.

    "We've cut them off then, no problem." He grinned. "Actually you're kind of lucky. We're the stronger group. If the tables were turned and we were the bad guys, well, that'd be pretty bad."

    "And you're so humble, too," Lucki retorted sarcastically.

    He laughed. "Okay, we'll get moving." He walked over to the edge of the river, where his Sharpedo was waiting, and jumped onto its back. "Just head to where that truck was. By the time you there, we'll have your pokemon safe, no problem." He waved and the Sharpedo took off upstream.

    She headed back into the forest, starting north. She came across the Tropius before long, and cringed. His wings were just gone, probably torn off on the way, leaving just four vibrant green bumps on his back where they had been attached.

    "Hey, are you okay?" Lucki asked worriedly.

    The Tropius nodded slowly.

    "But your wings...are you sure?"

    The Tropius nodded again. "Pius." He didn't seem to be in any pain.

    "Well, okay," she responded dubiously. "If you're sure."

    The Tropius just nodded a third time.

    "Well, I met up with Team Aqua. Seems they're here to stop Team Magma too. The one I met up with was really confident. I guess we'll find out if he's right or not, because he said by the time I got there, they'd have won." She grinned. "I guess we should get going and find out, huh?"

    They continued northward for several minutes. Soon, they were almost there.

    "Trop!" called a voice, and Lucki turned to see a pair of Tropius bound out of the trees toward them. The two were smaller than the one who'd been traveling with her, and both their wings were undamaged.

    "Trop!" replied Tropius.

    "I guess they really did it," Lucki remarked. She sped up to go around the bend of the path, where the truck had been.

    It was gone, but there was a different Team Aqua member waiting who grinned and waved when he saw her. "Hey, you're the girl who got attacked by some psy-type earlier?"

    "Um, yeah."

    "I've got a message to pass on: Sorry, but the Officer Jenny said she was taking all the trainer's pokemon back to the Pokecenter for redistribution. So, you'll have to pick them up there." He shrugged. "But no worries, we got everything. Although they got away...well, they've always excelled at high-tailing it afterwards. Have to be good at something, right?" He grinned.

    Lucki smiled back. "Yeah."

    "Well, that's all I had to pass on. Bye!" He headed off.

    Lucki sighed. I guess I'll have to wait a bit longer to get my pokemon back. No big deal, though, I'll be in Fortree soon.

    She turned to see the Tropius. "Well, we did it," she told the grass type, who nodded in response. "Um, I was wondering, now that that's done, would you like to come with me, as one of my pokemon?"

    The Tropius nodded again.

    "All right!" Lucki yelled.

    Jump to Chapter Thirteen
    Last edited by icemew; 1st November 2006 at 3:25 AM.

  25. #100
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    Wow, what is with that Tropius?

    Anyway, another great chapter! Keep up the good work!


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