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Thread: Lucki

  1. #126
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    Long time, no see... I've been waiting like forever for the next chapter

    To start off...
    I LIKE GOOD GRAMMAR AND I CANNOT LIE...
    (corrections are in bold)
    slipped on the grass and scrambled to stay upright, barely catching his balance.
    "Mud Slap!" Before Flare could recover, the Spheal spun around, sending up a wave of mud that collided with the flame pokemon, coating the fur on his head and chest with mud. "Now, Rollout!"
    Interesting use of Water Sport to make the battlefield a slippery, soggy mess here. And as far as Saurius and Team Magma are concerned... it'll be interesting to see how that scenario plays out.

    Another good chapter, and it's good to see you're still at it. I will be waiting for the next chapter to come out!

  2. #127
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    Air Dragon, DarkPersian479, thanks but...I've been writing it that way for the past fifteen chapters, so I'd rather stay consistent.

    And no, I meant scrabbled. It's a word!

    ^.^ Well I'm glad everyone cares about poor Saurius.

    There’s another phrase I like: “The few clouds earlier in the morning had started gathering friends”
    Thanks, Sike Saner, but I can't really take credit for it. It's from something I read once that Tolkien wrote, about hobbit sayings. He talked about how we say things like "It never rains but it pours", and hobbits had a similar saying "One cloud is lonely". The whole thing lodged in my brain for some reason.

  3. #128
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    Again, wonderful story! It's amazing!! I'm so glad it's finally up!


  4. #129
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    Thanks! ^^ This chapter took forever, but the next chapters should go up pretty quick now.

  5. #130
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    ...I guess the PokeFanon wiki is working. I looked up this fic (twice), found Fara (twice), read this fic (twice), and enjoyed Fara (twice), what with her anti-trainer outlook.

    So, yeah, I'm the two guy.

    Anyway...

    I'm not really that much of a trainer fic-loving guy, tell ya the truth. It was Fara, who doesn't WANT to be a trained Pokemon, that got my attention steered towards this (as well as Rai...he's funny sometimes).

    So, congrats. By adding in Fara, who is not only an Absol (I have GOT to put one of those babies in my fics...), but is also anti-trainer, you have gained yourself a reviewer. Again, congratties.

    The story itself is pretty good. Everyone else has pretty much pointed out the mistakes, if any, and now there's me. Right here. Reviewing this cool fic with its cool characters. Me likey.

    Keep it goin', icemew!
    Current fanfics:


    Proving Grounds

    How far will one boy go to prove something?

  6. #131
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    Ooh, cool! I figured I'd was just wasting time writing an article I'm glad you like Fara. She's not, exactly, antitrainer......at least not in the usual sense. I think you'll be pretty surprised with how things turn out.


    Chapter 16 - Blue and Red


    In the morning Lucki turned on the unclaimed television to see if she could catch the morning news. She was in luck.

    "After yesterday's incident with Team Magma, officials in the Mt. Chimney area have taken up Team Aqua's offer of protection, admitting worry that Team Magma may make a second attempt at stealing the meteorite. Members of the Team are moving into the area, concentrating around Fallarbor Town," said a newscaster. "And now, the weather."

    Lucki shrugged and flicked the TV off again. Well, that's good. Team Magma won't get away with anything more.

    She recalled most of her pokemon, leaving Silver out, thinking the tiny turtle could use the exercise of a short walk. Water types like Squirtle were really at their best in the water, so getting more practice traveling on land never hurt.

    They hadn't gone far before running into another trainer headed in the opposite direction.

    "Hey, a Squirtle!" the female trainer announced, jogging over. "Wow, I haven't seen anyone else using one of those."

    "Oh, you have one?" Lucki asked.

    The girl nodded. "Well, it's a Wartortle now. But yeah."

    "Cool, want to have a battle?"

    "Between the two? Sure." The other girl threw out a premierball, releasing a Wartortle.

    "All right, Silver, tackle!"

    "Dodge and bite!"

    Silver ran forward, charging her opponent, who dropped onto all fours so that her attack struck the edge of the turtle pokemon's shell and simply bounced off. While she was off balance the Wartortle snapped its jaws closed on Silver's leg. She let out a shout and then blasted the Wartortle with water gun. The attack managed to knock it loose.

    "Is that the best you can do?" demanded the Wartortle arrogantly, getting up easily.

    "Pull back and use skull bash!" called the other girl.

    "Silver, use water gun and then dodge when it charges!" Lucki directed.

    As the Wartortle lowered its head and got into a crouch, Silver sent another torrent of water into it. Then, almost without warning, the Wartortle shot forward, pushing through the high-powered blast as if it wasn't there. Silver dove to the side, the attack barely missing.

    "Tackle now!"

    Just as the Wartortle managed to come to a halt, Silver jumped the other water type from behind, tackling it and knocking it to the ground. Expression irritated, the Wartortle twisted around and blasted her with its own water gun, sending her flying off the larger water pokemon. As Silver stood back up, the Wartortle inhaled in preparation of another water gun.

    "Mirror coat!" Lucki shouted.

    Silver didn't react immediately but shimmered at the last second as the Wartortle launched its attack. The blast hit, water flying everywhere and temporarily obscuring the tiny turtle. When it stopped, an answering torrent of water hit the Wartortle, smashing it across the field.

    "Enough of this – Skull Bash!" ordered the other girl.

    Lucki had been expecting a delay, like there had been the first time. Instead the Wartortle charged, smashing into Silver before either of them could react. She collapsed.

    "Good battle," Lucki complemented, heading over to Silver and spraying her with a potion, waking the Squirtle up. "Your Wartortle's pretty strong."

    "Thanks," the other girl replied. "You did pretty well yourself."

    Lucki recalled Silver and continued on. She walked for a few more hours, not making much progress. The terrain was hilly and overgrown with thick grass, at times blocking the path. Here and there were ridges allowing for a quick shortcut to the next length of trail, but many were too high for her to attempt, or would drop her first into dubious patches of deep, tangled vegetation she'd have to fight through to get back onto the main path. Still others were facing in the opposite direction, useful if she ever came back this way but, for the moment, having no more use than to mock her progress. Sticking to the trail, she went up and down and up again, occasionally trying to cut across and less occasionally regretting it. Lunch came and went as Lucki, frustrated by her slowness, munched on a sandwich while she continued rather than take a break. Finally, though, she seemed to be out of the worst of it and the path had smoothed out into something mostly level. Minutes later, Lucki saw a familiar figure around a bend in the path.

    "Oh hey!" yelled Lucki. "Keegan!" He turned to see her and waved, waiting as she broke into a jog to catch up.

    "Hey," he greeted. "Nice to see you again, Lucki."

    "Same here. What are you doing in the area? The Safari Zone?"

    Keegan shook his head. "I might check it out," he allowed, "but I'm here to visit Mt. Pyre."

    "Oh – your pokemon...?"

    "No, no, they're fine. I'm just going to visit the shrine for luck before my next big battle. It's going to be pretty hard. How about you?"

    "I'm headed toward Lilycove," Lucki explained. "Then on to the islands for my next badge. I might stop at the Safari Zone, though. I've gotten five pokemon. A sixth would complete my team. Seems you're ahead of me there, though," she observed, seeing that he now had three pokeballs on either side of his belt.

    "Yeah, just finished. A Mawile, Vileplume and Voltorb. So you got the badge back in Fortree?"

    Lucki nodded.

    "What'd you think? Easy or hard?"

    "Pretty hard," Lucki admitted. "I had an electric type, but none of my others had a real advantage. And my newest two, well, one was a grass type, and the other...we're still getting used to each other."

    Keegan nodded sympathetically. "Some pokemon take a while to warm up to their trainer."

    "I guess." Lucki sighed.

    They continued south.

    "So what's happened?" Keegan asked. "Anything interesting?"

    "Ran into some Team Magma jerks," Lucki grumbled. "Got my pokemon stolen back when they attacked Route 119 the first time. It's a good thing we've got the good guys like Team Aqua's around to keep them in line."

    Keegan smiled wryly. "Good guys?"

    "Well, yeah. I didn't trust them at first, but they've protecting us from Magma."

    "If you say so."

    "What, you don't think so?"

    "Magma and Aqua are enemies, you know. Of course Aqua shows up wherever Magma is. That doesn't mean they care about any of you."

    "Hey, they returned the stolen pokemon! And they offered to protect Lavaridge and Fallarbor from Magma."

    "Only because they thought they'd be stopping Magma," Keegan replied as they approached a fork in the road.

    "And the stolen pokemon?"

    "Eh. By that point, the police weren't far behind. Besides, they wouldn't have any use for them. Aqua's the stronger team, after all." He shook his head. "I'm just saying, I wouldn't be so trusting."

    Lucki shrugged. "It's not like I'm about to sign up," she retorted. "I just think they've shown themselves to be pretty decent." Her stomach rumbled. "Also, I'm getting hungry. Wanna stop for supper soon?"

    "Sorry," Keegan apologized, "but I've got to keep going." He pointed to the southern branch of the road. "Besides, we're about to split up, right? You're going west."

    Lucki nodded. "Too bad...well, maybe we'll meet up again."

    Keegan smiled. "I hope so. Well, goodbye," he told her, starting off down the southern fork.

    "Bye!" Lucki called, waving. She continued a bit further before stopping to rest. The wind had picked up and it was getting chilly, so she started a campfire after releasing her pokemon.

    Silver sat a bit apart, seemingly lost in thought.

    By the time she'd gotten set up for supper, Raiden had been running in progressively faster circles for almost ten minutes. Swaying on his feet, he stumbled over and lay down near the flames, panting heavily. Flare watched the whole thing dispassionately from where he was sitting.

    "You really should try harder, Flare," Lucki chided. "You know, give it your all. Just look at how hard Raiden works. He runs until he's exhausted. I mean, sometimes I wonder if you're up for this. You have to give effort."

    "I...understand," Flare said slowly, standing. "I'm – sorry. I'll work harder." He tossed a glance to the Manectric before he began to sprint across the grass in wide loops.

    Raiden had already fallen asleep near the campfire. He looked cute and innocent, flopped on the ground with his head in his paws. Lucki smiled and went back to stirring the soup.

    It was just starting to bubble, finally warmed up, when Raiden began to twitch in his sleep. Sparks fizzled in the air. He yelped, waking up.

    "Raiden, are you okay?" she asked, taking a step toward him. He shouted and jumped, shocking her.

    "Ow!" Lucki burst out. "Why'd you do that?"

    "Sorry..." Raiden said. He was still shaking. "My dream...I was upset from that."

    "You had a nightmare? What was it?"

    "I was...with my mom and dad, but they couldn't see me, and I was shouting but they couldn't hear me, and they were talking about me, saying I was dead."

    "It's okay," Lucki comforted, "you're not going to-"

    "It doesn't matter!" he wailed suddenly, a mournful howl distinct under the translator's words. "I-I- I can't ever-"

    "Couldn't you?" said the Absol.

    "Couldn't he what?"

    "It's nothing," Raiden responded after a delay, dropping his head. He slunk off, moving slowly. "Sorry."

    Lucki wasn't sure what to make of this. She started eating her soup.

    * * *

    The path was easier, and she made good time walking the next day. She reached the Safari Zone by about four in the afternoon. She headed into the Zone immediately, looking for a Girafarig. She managed to see a few, but none let her close enough to have a chance at catching. Before she knew it, the park was closing. Afterward, she hung out at the trainers' rest station, listening to people's advice on catching pokemon and snacking on the sandwiches they sold.

    At seven, one of the other trainers promptly changed the television station to the news. Lucki, like the others, clustered around. I wonder if Fallarbor or Lavaridge were attacked?

    "In tonight's top story," announced the anchorman, "a Team Magma agent infiltrated the Mt. Pyre shrine, stealing the sacred Blue Orb that resides there."

    Jump to Chapter Seventeen
    Last edited by icemew; 12th April 2007 at 7:14 PM.

  7. #132
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    Wow… wonder what’s up with Raiden? o.o That nightmare of his seems like it might be particularly significant, and what he said after he told Lucki of the dream seems equally significant, perhaps even moreso. I get the feeling we’ll be learning a good deal more about him as a character in upcoming chapters…

    So yeah, between that and Keegan’s warning about trusting Aqua, that chapter definitely provided something to think about with regards to what lies ahead in this story. Quite nice. ^^
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  8. #133
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    Darn it, Sike said all i was gonna say. A bit of an eye opener, especially why the pokemon are almost all out of character now. Well, i guess time will tell...

    Oh, yeah... no errors! Give it up for icemew!

    L@er!
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  9. #134
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    I hate to say this but...

    ...you should have described Wartortle in that battle.

    And it was a bit on the short side and some parts were hurried through kinda quickly. For example, you could have elaborated on some things, like Lucki's frustration as the Girafarig prove to be way too elusive for her. I should know as I spent five hours in the forkin' Safari Zone in Leaf Green hunting for Chansey (and not even a Lucky Egg one!) But I digress.

    It did seem like Lucki was moving rather quickly, and it would seem as she would have gotten in more scraps along the way. Then again, this chapter seems more or less designed to set up some major plot twists and eerie foreshadowing. And in that respect, you have done well.

    Other than that, thanks for (potentially, we don't know yet) dashing my hopes that at least one of the teams would be the good guys. Oh, well, I guess it'll add quite a bit more suspense, 'cause now Lucki's gotta be careful of trouble from both ends- Aqua and Magma. Of course, maybe Keegan's just misreading Aqua, but you can't be too careful... Who can you trust?

    A short chapter but with a lot of stuff is packed in there that seems to be building toward something major... and already the theft of an Orb is upsetting the Pokemon. Big things are coming...

  10. #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sike Saner
    I get the feeling we’ll be learning a good deal more about him as a character in upcoming chapters…
    Yes&no. It's not the lead in to some brand new plotline, so it'll get resolved in one go...probly in the chapter after next.

    Quote Originally Posted by Air Dragon
    A bit of an eye opener, especially why the pokemon are almost all out of character now.
    The pokemon are out of character?

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkPersian479
    I hate to say this but...

    ...you should have described Wartortle in that battle.
    I totally forgot to do that, didn't I?

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkPersian479
    For example, you could have elaborated on some things, like Lucki's frustration as the Girafarig prove to be way too elusive for her.
    She wasn't really frustrated, tho. She got there late and was only there about an hour. She was planning to head back the next day and try again.

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkPersian479
    It did seem like Lucki was moving rather quickly, and it would seem as she would have gotten in more scraps along the way.
    Well, it took her two days. Or do you mean how fast the story's going? I didn't really want to write out extra battles, but if you guys want them, I can put in more.

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkPersian479
    Of course, maybe Keegan's just misreading Aqua, but you can't be too careful... Who can you trust?
    Keegan. >.>

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkPersian479
    and already the theft of an Orb is upsetting the Pokemon. Big things are coming...
    So that's what you think is causing things?

  11. #136
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    And it all comes together...


    Chapter Seventeen – Day Twelve: Betrayals


    The thief can't be far. Team Aqua's over around Mt. Chimney, but they'll be heading this way, and after the attack on Route 119, the police are probably patrolling the area and trainers will be on the lookout. So the thief will probably be heading to Lilycove.

    It was too late to rush out and try to find the thief, but she was closer to Lilycove than Mt. Pyre was. There was a good chance the Team Magma jerk would have to pass her, or at worst, was only a bit ahead.

    She could do this.

    *

    Lucki woke early the next morning. She threw on clothing, gulped down breakfast, and rushed out.

    She alternated between a brisk walk and a jog. It was too early for many people to be out traveling. A far off mist lay in the low points of the path, weaving through the green plants of the forest. There as a faint coolness in the air, not quite a dampness or chill.

    By the time Lucki came upon any other trainers, the mist had been burned off by the rising sun.

    "Have you seen anyone from Team Magma going this way?" Lucki demanded. The boy shook his head, but then told her, "I did see someone in a rush further on than me. I didn't get a close look, but they were dressed in red."

    She thanked him and took off again. Other trainers said similar things, most saying they weren't completely sure because whoever-it-was tended to use sidepaths and shortcuts through the brush, so that they saw them but didn't actually pass them close up. By this point the area was starting to get rougher. At some points, the main path wove in and around crags and sudden drops, and the plants were shrubby but stiff and hard to push through. In places ledges were short enough that a foolhardy trainer might risk a jump. Other times the path split between a main path and a narrower side path that took a steep shortcut on unstable, crumbling ground. Before long, Lucki was taking those shortcuts, hoping it'd be enough to let her catch up. After a while she was through the worst of it, on a mostly straight path between forest and field.

    Finally, Lucki caught a flash of red moving though the trees off the path. Quickly she hopped off the path as well, and following her quarry. After she caught up to the point she could see clearly he was wearing a Team Magma uniform, she started to slow, trying to move more quietly and stay behind bushes and rocks, out of sight. After all, losing track of the red thug wouldn't be much different than alerting him she was tailing him and prompting him to flee.

    He stepped into a small clearing and Lucki halted, hiding behind a bush. It must have been an agreed-upon meeting place, because there were two other people there dressed in the same uniform. One was taller than the others, probably an adult.

    And the other reached into his pocket and pulled out a shining blue orb.

    "You got it," said the tallest one. He sounded like an adult, too. "But Aqua will be moving this way. I don't know if there's any route we could make it out on. Which way will you head?"

    And the one holding the Blue Orb nodded. "Lilycove," he said, voice familiar.

    "Lilycove."

    "It's the one place they won't look. They'll waste their time trying to figure out where I am and covering the north, south and west. When they can't find it, they'll think I got through and move their attentions further away."

    Lucki recognized his voice.

    "Are you sure?" the adult asked.

    She recognized it. He didn't have to keep talking.

    "I know it's risky to hide in their stronghold, but it's the only chance. Brenton, you'll have to head north and get caught. Tell them you were a distraction and I really headed south. Once the submarine gets hit right after Flannery's attack, they'll be spread too far to pay any attention to a regular trainer."

    He didn't have to keep talking. He didn't have to turn to the other boy so that his face was turned up and caught the light.

    He didn't have to. She already knew it was Keegan.

    She took a step backwards, then spun around and ran, her eyes stinging.

    *

    What was she going to do?

    She finally came to a halt, legs trembling from exhaustion and lungs aching as she gasped for air.

    There was no question of what she was going to do. She was going to stop them. Because they were criminals (deceivers) and she would stop them. Get them back for what he did.

    She'd stop them all, reclaim the Orb, smash the whole cursed organization.

    When she was ready, she started moving again, at a careful, recovering jog. She could do this.

    She would do this.

    Lucki kept going east.

    And when she saw a pair of teens in black and white shirts and long blue pants, she threw herself toward them with a sense of incredible relief. "Hey!"

    The pair hesitated, looking confused, and she ran up to them. "You're looking for the guy who stole the Orb, right?"

    Both pairs of eyes focused on her with laser intensity. She had their attention. "Yeah," said the boy on the right.

    "He's going to Lilycove. I know who he is."

    "You-you're sure?" asked the girl on the left. "Can you find him?"

    Lucki nodded, a cold fury churning inside her chest.

    The pair exchanged a look. "We'll tell the admins. When you get to the next town, they should have someone waiting there to help you. With any luck, we can catch him there."

    "Thank you," said the girl. "You have no idea how important to all of us this is."

    Lucki nodded. They split up, and Lucki continued east.

    The path started to get worse, returning to the mix of crags and plummets she'd traveled earlier. For a while it led through a low valley, the sides sloping upward and dotted with trees and small shrubs.

    Lucki heard a rustling above her. She glanced toward it, then jumped back, narrowly avoiding the Duskull's nightshade, which struck the path before her. She yelled, startled. The brown-grey, skull-faced round pokemon started to float closer, beginning another nightshade attack. "Go, Silver!"

    The petite Squirtle sparkled into being, just in time to be hit by the wave of dark energy.

    "Hit back with water gun!" Lucki ordered.

    Silver climbed to her feet, inhaled and shot a bullet of water into the requiem pokemon, sending the floating pokemon tumbling through the air. It stabilized, righted itself and began to float back. A second water gun passed through it without effect.

    "What is this?" Silver asked, sounding slightly nervous.

    "It's just a ghost type," Lucki replied distractedly, thinking. "They can turn intangible."

    The Duskull floated closer, and Silver backed up a pace. "What should I do?"

    "Let me think. Uh, try an ice beam," Lucki said, trying to remember Squirtles' full moveset.

    Silver focused, gathering the energy and then sending a shimmering ice beam at the ghost type. The attack passed through, freezing the side of the crevice. The Duskull shivered.

    "It didn't work!"

    "You need a dark type move to hit an intangible ghost. You should be able to...Try using bite."

    Silver looked from side to side across the path, as if she was hoping some alternative would present itself, or at least a way out. "But I don't know how!"

    "Don't be like that, it's not hard," Lucki said. She should be experienced enough to know bite by this point. "You saw the Wartortle use it. Just open your mouth and bite it."

    Silver stood still.

    "Come on, Silver!" Lucki yelled, frustrated.

    She didn't react. The Duskull approached closer. The tiny turtle shifted nervously on her feet, then launched herself at the ghost type, snapping her jaws shut on one edge. The Duskull shuddered, pulling itself loose and leaving a chunk of its body in Silver's mouth, which quickly dissipated into the air.

    The Duskull seemed to frown. It shuddered and let out an eerie groan as it sank into the ground. Lucki waited several seconds to see if it would reappear. When did didn't, she figured it must have decided to flee the battle. Still, I should probably leave Silver out for a bit, in case it's just waiting for me to recall her. She started walking again.

    Silver took a few steps, then stopped dead. She stood perfectly still, staring upward without a sound. Lucki followed the Squirtle's gaze, and saw the broad nest of a Swellow in a cleft half-supported by a broad tree and half the cliff wall. A mother, because from under her breast poked the small, curious navy heads of several Taillow. The Swellow was watching them alertly, ready to fight if they attacked. She shifted to shelter her young under her wings, hiding them from view.

    "A Swellow mom," Lucki said. "Cute, huh?"

    Silver began to cry.

    Lucki didn't know what to do. She stared dumbly for a moment. "What's wrong?"

    "I never even," Silver said, her voice sad. Under the translator, it was a miserable sob. "She laid an egg and they t-t-took I they." Her voice hiccuped. "I have brothers and sisters I'll never who. Who don't know I exist. I never even saw -" Silver sobbed louder. "That Wartortle was the first one I ever saw. She doesn't even know I exist. Did she - did she – care?"

    "It's okay Silver," Lucki tried. "I-"

    "Why did you pick me!" Silver screamed, the calm sad voice of the translator contrasting horribly with the desolate wail underneath. "You saw I was small and weak and scared. You saw I wasn't a fighter. Why did you pick me?"

    *

    Lucki finally managed to calm Silver down to a miserable silence. Unsettled, she recalled the petite turtle and headed on, hoping the next town's Nurse Joy might be able to explain what had happened.

    The path continued to get worse. Now it was virtually a three-dimensional maze, with the main path weaving up and down as well as back and forth as it navigated the complicated rocky landscape. At many points there were splits forming alternative paths, some of which served as efficient shortcuts and others that turned out to dead-end, forcing her to backtrack and try again.

    She ruminated on the path's problems until she saw one of the red-hooded thugs below her, driving all other thoughts from her mind.

    He was on a lower plateau, connected to Lucki's position by a steep but doable gradient. He was smaller than the ones she'd seen earlier, somebody else, and he had a map open. She started to slide down.

    "Dammit," he muttered.

    "Hey!" Lucki burst out furiously, recognizing the voice under the hood of the Team Magma uniform. "You're the pokemon thief!" He'd spilled the pokeballs on the ground. He'd been the one with Keegan.

    He took off at her voice in a sprint, not even throwing a glance over his shoulder to see who'd yelled.

    "Get back here!" Lucki shouted, jumping the last few feet and chasing after him.

    He was a lot faster than she was. He ran to the edge of the current flat area and jumped off the edge, running around a corner into a dead end. He skidded to a near halt and twisted, starting to double back, but Lucki got there at the last second to block him. He tried to stop before he ran into her, overbalanced and tripped, falling backward.

    "Go!" she shouted, tossing her pokeball. "Get him, Flare!"

    The Team Magma member was cornered. She had him!

    "Good boy, easy," he said nervously to Flare, who had barred his teeth in a snarl and prepared to attack.

    Flare's ears pricked and the whole of his posture changed. His shoulders dipped and his tail dropped down to the ground. He let out a low whine, perhaps of shock, a wordless sound untouched by the translator around his neck. He looked over his shoulder at Lucki after a moment, back to the boy, back to Lucki, and shifted backwards slightly.

    "Flare!" Lucki shouted. "What's wrong with you? He's a thief and he's part of Team Magma!"

    Flare didn't seem to hear her. He had dropped his head and was staring at the boy with almost imploring eyes. His tail moved feebly.

    The boy must have seen something in it Lucki couldn't, because he vaulted up and then rammed Lucki with one arm, the other swinging to knock the pokeball out of her hands. He caught it as he ran past, turning a moment at the other end of the crevice.

    "Come on!" he called. "Follow me!"

    And before Lucki could understand what he meant, Flare had jumped past her and bounded after him.
    Last edited by icemew; 12th April 2007 at 7:13 PM.

  12. #137
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    Whoa, quite a chappie! Silver really broke down there and flare running off again! man, Lucki had some pretty bad luck these days, huh?

    The Duskull shuddered, pulling itself loose and leaving a chunk of its body in Silver's mouth, which quickly disappointed into the air.
    I think that’s dissipated

    Why did you pick me!" Silver screamed, the calm sad voice of the translator contrasting horribly with the desolate wail underneath. "You saw I was small and weak and scared. You saw I wasn't a fighter. Why did you pick me?"
    Why did you pick me?!" Silver screamed, the calm sad voice of the translator contrasting horribly with the desolate wail underneath. "You saw I was small and weak and scared. You saw I wasn't a fighter. Why did you pick me?"

    And you know, i just may have figured Flare out... if i recall correctly, flare was abandoned. the magma guy could be his old trainer! or maybe that's not flare at all!

    L@er!
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  13. #138
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    Good story! Woot!


  14. #139
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    Dang, Lucki's best friend ends up joining the opposition... at least that explains why he was trash talking Team Aqua. And Flannery's attack? Is she in on this whole Magma scheme as well?

    Silver's traumatic past is apparently coming back to haunt her. And apparently Flare's past is also coming back as well, with the one who had left him before. I noticed that Flare's been removed from your sig. Could that be a clue?

    Grammar corrections below
    But Aqua will be moving this way.
    trying to remember Squirtle's full moveset.
    Anyway, nice chapter. Lucki's ready to take the battle to Team Magma, and this is SO not the time to be having emotional issues with her Pokemon! It'll be interesting to see if she can overcome these setbacks to crush those hoodie-wearing jerks!

  15. #140
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    Quote Originally Posted by Air Dragon View Post
    Whoa, quite a chappie! Silver really broke down there and flare running off again! man, Lucki had some pretty bad luck these days, huh?
    Maybe....

    Quote Originally Posted by Air Dragon View Post
    I think that’s dissipated
    ...yeah, I can't believe I did that. I'm going to say autocorrect should have some of the blame because it's obviously trying to make me look like I'm dumb but I must have misspelled it horribly to start.

    Silver, I meant as just a yell. She's not really asking.
    Quote Originally Posted by Air Dragon View Post
    And you know, i just may have figured Flare out... if i recall correctly, flare was abandoned. the magma guy could be his old trainer! or maybe that's not flare at all!
    Sorry but nope. Lucki is Flare's first and only trainer. The Magma guy is the kid from back in Chapter 11.

    Plum, thanks!

    DarkPersian479, thanks for finding that, fixed!

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkPersian479 View Post
    Dang, Lucki's best friend ends up joining the opposition... at least that explains why he was trash talking Team Aqua.
    Well, somewhat.

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkPersian479 View Post
    And apparently Flare's past is also coming back as well, with the one who had left him before. I noticed that Flare's been removed from your sig. Could that be a clue?
    Actually...like I said above Flare's a breeding center poke. He's never had a trainer besides Lucki.
    As to clue...only about as much as when my sig changed after Lucki's pokemon were stolen.

    Quote Originally Posted by DarkPersian479 View Post
    Lucki's ready to take the battle to Team Magma, and this is SO not the time to be having emotional issues with her Pokemon! It'll be interesting to see if she can overcome these setbacks to crush those hoodie-wearing jerks!
    It is pretty inconvenient ^^ But she's going to have Team Aqua helping. So maybe maybe not, depends on how important that Blue Orb is.

  16. #141
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    ...the better to fall apart.

    Chapter Eighteen – End


    Team Aqua had kept their word, because when she approached the small town between the Safari Zone and Lilycove, there were several people standing just outside, wearing matching outfits, black and white shirts above blue pants. It was late afternoon, nearing but not quite dusk, and the sky was clear.

    "You're the one?" asked the adult.

    She nodded. Names weren't exchanged; it didn't matter if they knew one another. "But he'll see you coming if you just follow me."

    "Our base of operations is in Lilycove," he said. "We moved most of our people to Mt. Chimney but we still have some here. They're spread out through the town, enough that a few around you won't be noticeable. They'll keep their distance until you identify him."

    "You're sure he's here?" Lucki asked.

    "Relatively," the adult said. "If he's trying to blend in, he has to move with the rest of the trainers. Lilycove is half a day's journey away. No real trainer would turn up a room in the Pokecenter to camp, especially not with a torrential thunderstorm reported for tonight."

    Lucki's eyes looked upward a second at the cloudless sky. "There's a storm?"

    The admin winked. "As far as they know."

    She grinned back, expression sharp and a trifle malicious. It's over now, Keegan.

    Lucki headed into the city. The other Team Aqua members with them promptly spread out, and she could see a few others mingling among the people as she entered. The admin was trailing her at a distance. She started walking through the streets, looking through the crowds until her eyes finally caught on a familiar figure.

    "Keegan!"

    He started to turn. "Hey Luck-"

    She barreled into him, knocking him to the ground hard. "Liar!" Her fingers hooked into his pocket and tore, exposing the Orb. She grabbed for it.

    He lunged for it too. "No! Stop!"

    She wrenched free as two Team Aqua members grabbed him, holding him down.

    "Stop! You don't know what you're doing!" Keegan screamed.

    She stared back at him silently, a cold rage swirling inside her like icewater, then turned sharply and walked away.

    She rounded a corner of the street and walked to the admin. "Here," she said, holding out the Blue Orb.

    And then she turned her back on all of them and walked away.

    *

    Before going to sleep that night she watched the real weather report. They'd tricked Keegan (like he'd tricked her). The report said there was no chance of rain for the rest of week.

    Day Thirteen


    In the morning she continued east.

    It was the direction she had to go anyway, for her next badge, and the pokemon thief had been heading east. The Team Magma members, Keegan, had said something about a submarine attack soon. So, she thought: the pokemon thief was probably going all the way to Lilycove, which was the only major thing to the east and where Team Aqua's base was, probably as part of a plan to steal a submarine there or something like that.

    If not, she didn't have any other leads to go on. If she heard something about Team Magma clustering somewhere else, she'd turn around. Until then, east it was.

    She met a trainer along the way who mentioned he'd seen some red-shirted guys hurrying in the opposite direction. She smiled and thanked him. I made the right decision, then. She sped up.

    The path was smooth and straight, with none of yesterday's confusion. The sky was perfectly clear. Only by late morning, nearly noon, were there even three or four small puffy white clouds. The ground was dry and even radiating a pleasant amount of heat from the sunlight.

    She reached Lilycove by noon, hearing the fight before she was even clear of the trees.

    "Once the submarine gets hit..." Lucki remembered. Then they weren't even intending to steal it. Just to destroy it. The cold fury rose in her again. They were just going to destroy everything if they couldn't have it.

    Here and there, rain poured out of a clear sky, and thunder crackled in response. Rushing in, Lucki suddenly realized why Keegan had chosen those new pokemon as a solarbeam blasted a hole through a building. She hadn't thought anything of it at the time. She hadn't been suspicious at all.

    Vileplume could go against the water types of Team Aqua and would have an advantage in the same Sunny Day area as fire types. Voltorb managed the same, and the electric attacks would be devastating if Team Aqua tried rain dance. Mawile for resistance in case they ran into something else. From the looks of it, all the Team Magma members had gone a similar route. That's what they were doing poaching in Route 119 Lucki realized. Grass types...and the ones there are used to working in rain.

    For a moment she wondered if somehow, they might actually win. But they couldn't have had these pokemon long – they'd only been poaching recently – and the main pokemon they'd raised would still be fire and ground types, the idiots. Any trainer knew better than that. If they thought they'd win just because they'd thrown in a few untrained grass types in-!

    They were only managing this much because they'd tricked most of Team Aqua into leaving. They could cause damage for the moment, but even if they managed to hold off the members here, it was only until the full force of the Team arrived. Idiots. This was reckless, a bunch of brainless thugs rushing in without any idea how impossible it was they'd win. Probably even acting under the delusion they were actually right.

    As if.

    And Lucki would help speed up their inevitable loss.

    The battle was going to be hard, though. Lucki paused, thinking, and pulled a pokeball from her belt.

    When the Absol formed, Lucki said, "Fara, listen, I really need your help. They've taken Flare and-"

    The Absol stared at her with inscrutable black eyes. "I warned you," she said in her mellifluous voice.

    "What?" Lucki said after a second's pause, then, "No, you don't understand. I'm not blaming you. I need you to work together, as a team. We're going to be fighting Team Magma, and I need everyone's help to win."

    "I understand entirely."

    "So you'll help, then?"

    As if Lucki hadn't spoken, the Absol continued evenly, "This was the only outcome. You had your chance to turn things aside and you chose otherwise."

    "They – they did something to him! They probably did something to all of them!"

    The Absol stared at her with inscrutable black eyes. They were alien and remote.

    "That's why I need you to help me!"

    "You have made your choice," the Absol said, exactly as before. "You have no need of convincing me; I shall remain until the end."

    "So you'll help?"

    "I shall remain," the Absol said, her voice beautiful and emotionless. "I will neither help nor hinder."

    "Why?" Lucki demanded in frustration.

    Calmly, the Absol said, "I told you to release me."

    "Don't you understand yet? I'm not a bad person!"

    The Absol stared at her with inscrutable black eyes. "You have made your choice."

    Over to her right Lucki saw motion and spun to see another Team Magma thug, a girl, around the corner of the building.

    "Go!" she screamed, releasing Raiden. "Attack!"

    The girl spun at her voice, hand reflexively grabbing for a pokeball and throwing it. "Sadiki! Crunch!" The Mightyena appeared, snarling and lunging for Raiden, who yelped and tried to reverse his attack, skidding to a halt as the dark type reached him and managing to jump back as its teeth snapped shut on the empty air where he'd been a second ago. There were gashes in its fur and it had obviously been battling before.

    "Spark!"

    Raiden was shuddering. Electricity gathered around him, glowing so brightly it hurt to look at. He released it barely a second later, the Mightyena letting out a strangled howl and collapsing.

    "Sadiki!" yelled the girl.

    "Just give up," Lucki told her.

    "We can't lose. Sadiki, I'm sorry, please!"

    The dark type lurched to its feet and jumped him. Raiden and the Mightyena tumbled in a snarling ball, the translator producing short, nonsense syllables in a furious voice. The Mightyena sank its teeth into his shoulder by his neck. Raiden let out a sound like a scream and released a sudden burst of electricity. The Mightyena's whole body convulsed and then it dropped, twitching a moment.

    Raiden was shaking himself, cowering against the ground and when she started toward him he yelped and ran back, leaving a splattering of blood drops. The thug took advantage of the distraction to recall her pokemon and escape.

    He screamed at her. "It hurts!"

    "Raiden, it's okay I can -"

    "It's scary and it hurts and it's hard!" he screamed. "He was going to kill me! I don't want to!" Blood was dripping down his leg and chest onto the rough cement of the ground. "I don't care if it's fixed it still hurts!" His body was shaking as if he was sobbing.

    "Raiden-"

    "You fight!" he yelled. "You fight! You do it!"

    "Raiden, come on, we don't have time for this, we have to get Flare."

    "Flare hates me! He hates me because you liked me better!"

    "That's not true," Lucki said.

    "I want Mom and Dad and I don't want to fight and I don't want him to hate me and I don't want to be hurt or any of it!" His voice was jumping, loud to soft to loud. The translator might have sparked or maybe he was sparking, and the Absol said,

    "She does not hold you."

    The Manectric looked from the Absol to Lucki to the Absol to Lucki to the Absol and then he spun and ran.

    Lucki shouted after him, but he was gone.

    *

    Lucki threw out Saurius' pokeball. "Razor leaf!" she shouted.

    "No," said the Tropius calmly. The Team Magma trainer before them hesitated, then recalled his Poochyena and ran.

    "Saurius, what's wrong with you? I need your help!"

    The Tropius looked at her a long moment, as if from a great distance. "Why did I go with you?" he asked slowly. "There must have been some reason, but I no longer remember what it could possibly be."

    "Saurius-"

    "That isn't even my name," he said, his voice still slow and somewhat confused, still distant. "So why...?"

    "Listen, Saurius, we're fighting Team Magma here, they took Flare. We can get your friends back too!"

    But he just kept looking at her from that distance. "Why? It wasn't as if you'd done it for their sake, I knew that. You helped me because they had taken something of yours and you disliked them. You could easily have stood on the other side. What does it matter to me which kind of trainer they were? Yet still I went. Gratitude? Strength? With all of them gone, it doesn't matter even still." He went silent. He turned his long neck around, taking in his surroundings. Finally he looked back to her. His expression showed no recognition, as if he had forgotten who she was.

    "They're not gone! If you help me we can save them!"

    And slowly, gravely, he said, "Whatever bond you had to me, it's gone now." He breathed in calmly. "And there is something brewing in the air. Something building." His wings began to beat. He lifted into the air and began to fly off.

    Lucki reached blindly for his pokeball.

    "You told them they could leave if they chose," said the golden voice of the Absol. Startled, Lucki looked to her, and before she could look back to Saurius, he was gone.

    *

    And Silver said only, "You picked me," in a voice harsh with betrayal and accusation.

    "Are you going to run away too?" Lucki said.

    Silver stood there, tears trickling down her face. "I don't have anywhere I can run."

    Mutely, Lucki pulled the white school pokeball from her belt and recalled the Squirtle.

    And the Absol said, "I warned you," her voice drifting ethereally in the air, clear and distinct among the violence and shouts.

    "I told you, it's not your fault," Lucki said again. "Those stories aren't true."

    "It's Team Magma," Lucki said. "It's Team Magma, they're the ones who did this. They did something to my pokemon."

    And the Absol did not respond.

    "It's not your fault!" Lucki screamed. "None of it was true!"

    "No," agreed the Absol in her beautiful, inhuman voice. "It was your fault from the beginning."

    For the space of a breath it was silent, the chaos around them paused.

    Pokeballs popped open behind her. A boy's voice yelled, "Attack!"

    Lucki threw out the pokeball in her hand. Silver screamed as the Absol flipped gracefully out of the way of a Camerupt's flamethrower, then twisted to avoid the lunging Mightyena. Keegan tackled her to the ground, sending her skidding across the pavement to the broken edge. She thrashed, kicking him in the side hard enough to make him loosen his grasp, and scrambled away, her arm and leg burning where they were scraped and her back and shoulders throbbing from the impact.

    Lucki turned to see Silver blasting the approaching Mightyena with water, the Absol landing deftly but making no move to take out either pokemon. Keegan was between her and the battle, and he got to his feet in the moment she took watching it. She turned again and ran. She could pounding footsteps on cement that were indistinguishable from her own.

    She took a wrong turn and wound up headed down a street where a building has collapsed across it. She didn't, like the Team Magma boy, the thief, try to turn back. That would be a mistake. She sped up, throwing herself toward the rubble. If she could get up it before he reached her, had enough time and distance to climb it, it'd slow him down too.

    Unfortunately she had no such lead or time. She made it perhaps three feet off the ground by climbing like running, grabbing at the broken brick and stone without consideration for comfort, banging her knees on the raw edges as she shoved her shoes into footholds by touch rather than sight. The distance she climbed meant only she fell that much farther when Keegan caught up seconds later, grabbed her by one leg and pulled her roughly down, the skin on her hands ripping as she tried to hold on. She hit the ground hard, landing on hip and elbow with a long bloody gash along her bare leg where it caught on a bit of broken steel.

    "Give -" Keegan started to shout, but she lashed out again, kicking his legs under him almost enough that he fell and enough that he was off balance long enough to scramble to her feet again and take off in the opposite direction.

    She couldn't feel any pain from the injuries, but she could feel blood trickling down her ankle, a stiffness in her knee, a raw heat on her palms and elbows. She could hear shouts and explosions and screams, and the building behind her shattered.

    The boy behind her shouted. His voice wasn't pained, so she thought he was clear. She wouldn't have looked back either way. Lucki kept running.

    She realized she should try to retrace her steps, get back to her pokemon, but only too late, when she'd already gone well past the original turns she'd taken and she had no idea where they were. She passed battling Team Aqua and Magma pairs, and might have gone to them but the Aqua memebers she saw were losing and she had no pokemon of her own. And soon there were footsteps behind her.

    Keegan pinned her finally against a wall, his arm pressing against her throat. "Give up the Orb."

    She grinned defiantly. "I already gave it to Team Aqua."

    Keegan released her. He stumbled backward, looking stunned, his eyes wide and uncomprehending. "Oh god. Oh god. It's over."

    "You're right," Lucki snapped, "it is over-"

    "Do you have any idea what you've done?" he screamed. "Do you have any idea?"

    Above them the white clouds began to darken.

    "You destroyed the world! You let them raise Kyogre!" he screamed as the first light raindrops began to fall. "You've drowned the whole world!"

    Thunder rumbled above.

    *

    She'd collapsed soon after, giving in to exhaustion.

    She lay there, in the rain and the mud and the devastation. Her eyes were still open and she could see the thundering sky, the ruined buildings. The rain that fell in sheets from a black sky.

    An absol appeared out of the gloom and padded toward her with unhurried pawsteps, like a quiet demon or an incarnate god. It bent its head and touched its mudsplattered nose delicately to her forehead like a priest's benediction. "I told you," it said simply, its breath soft and insubstantial against her face.
    Last edited by icemew; 14th April 2007 at 8:42 PM.

  17. #142
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    Hi everyone, I'm Farla and you've just finished Lucki: A Middling Sue Parody.

    (I'd like to thank my little brother for helping me keep my postcount and give the illusion of forum participation early on, and my friend Plum for the reviews. I'd also like to thank the several authors whose stories were the inspiration for this one, and out of that gratitude, I'll be courteous enough not to name you.)

    Now, about the story.

    As you may or may not be aware, I write an ongoing parody of original trainer stories. I also read a lot of them, and the reviews of them. And between the trainers starting the suicune and the ones that couldn't spell to save their lives, there are occasional popular OT stories, ones hailed as 'not a mary sue!', nicely written, many chapters long, pointed to as an example of how to write decent story...that make me cringe.

    Because they're middling sues, characters that dodge litmus test questions but nothing more. Their names are odd but not quite at the level of Elahaxaria. Maybe they get a common pokemon that's shiny, or wind up trading for something rarer. And of course they'll see a legendary or dozen, but they won't catch it (or at least not at first). They lose occasionally, they praise other trainers as being 'good too' after winning, and they're just generally a toned-down version of a regular sue.

    The authors of these stories are generally decent in terms of writing – they have to be, to get away with this. A middling sue is basically a standard sue with more foresight. The world is created around the sue prior to the story being written, so at no point in the story does the sue directly warp things to get her way. It was a forgone conclusion from the start. The author is better at figuring out less dramatic alternatives to get to the same conclusion, so the sue doesn't save an abused eevee from Team Rocket, she gets one as present. And the writing is good enough overall to be readable and even somewhat intimidating. Even if reviewers notice something is off, they generally can't articulate it. And since god forbid any reviewer be negative without saying exactly what the problem is, all they can do is say it's good. This is even more pronounced on forums where an author can shout down any naysayer.

    In most instances no one thing the middling sue does can be pointed out as being sueish or overpowered, and it's only as the sum of their parts that it becomes evident. In other words, reviewers can't just dredge up stock complaints and advice that someone else said first. And so, all they can do is praise it, rec it, and annoy me when I realize five chapters in that the promising story just keeps getting worse with no end in sight and any attempt to say so will be shouted down by the peanut gallery.

    (And they are stock, let's admit it. While I'm sure you have the best of intentions, would kill some of you to have your own opinions?)

    I was faced with a conundrum. Of all things, this seemed most vital to parody as it was the one thing no one else was noticing, as well as resistant to direct concrit. But how can one parody something that is by definition avoiding extremes?

    Middling sues are not easily noticeable in their native habitat. They blend perfectly into their surroundings because their setting is as sueish as they are. Lucki has blue hair, but Violet has purple hair and eyes. Lucki has a shiny pokemon, but then, she could have picked an eevee rather than a regular starter. And oh, she gets money that's technically fifty times the amount you get in the games, but hey, who cares about little details like that? When Lucki does get an eeveelution, it's the least common one and he spends plenty of time losing. Meanwhile her more common pokemon crush opponents, but hey, they're common! That's something.

    Mixed into this are more insidious parts, things standard throughout original trainer stories. Pokemon all want to battle. All the pokemon who happen to be caught are always completely suited for fights, unless they're weaklings who become physically impressive fighters after being fed and trained a bit. Pokemon who clearly state they don't want to be trained should be ignored, as they really do, they just don't know it. Any deviations from this are inconveniences for the poor trainer, who is the one who should have our sympathy. Pokemon readers are often pokemon players, and original trainer stories are half wish fulfillment from the start. Large parts of the world are simply expected to work out neatly. This is a problem with even good stories. If it's possible none of this ever comes up, then that's what happens, even if the odds against every pokemon ever encountered having the life's goal of being a trained pokemon battler is astronomical.

    This can't be parodied like simple sue bashing stories where the fanfic's world rebukes the sue, because the problem is as much the world as the character. Besides, a single chapter of the story is rarely sueish enough on its own to justify such. A true middling sue story is forever on the cusp of blatant sueishness with each chapter, but always with the apparent potential to turn around.

    The only way to demonstrate it, then, is by writing a whole story. More, because these stories are so interwoven with the responses of reviewers, to truly demonstrate it completely I needed not only a whole story, but the reviewers along with it, to cheer her on. And what better way of doing that than here?

    And so, Lucki. Her defining characteristic is ultimately not the outward signs of sueishness, although there are many. It is that everything works out for her. She is Lucky.

    Lucki skates through the story without problem. She has a special appearance, special pokemon, and special gadgets. She wins more than she loses, always beats gym leaders and manages to travel around at breakneck speed (three consecutive chapters take place in a single day, and the entire story is thirteen days long). She faces challenges, yes, but challenges are not the same things are problems, especially when the main character views them as nothing more than annoying and temporary inconveniences. She has a starter described as young, timid and petite, but that doesn't cause her problems in battle and despite supposed timidity, that same squirtle ends up talking about how great Lucki after a fight. The same goes for the rest of her team. They don't have goals separate from hers. Even pokemon that seem to have lives of their own, such as a tropius that just saved his family and friends, happily and inexplicably abandon all of it to join Lucki.

    Do people notice anything off? Yes and no. There's a somewhat ambivalent attitude in some of the replies here, but no one actually manages to work it out. You're capable of noticing that she gets a flareon and complaining about that, but are easily pacified with a loss against an eevee. A few people did manage to notice the translators are used inconsistently, but weren't able to really follow up on it. Most other things went entirely unmentioned. People could see a few of the surface issues, but not the underlying problems.

    In the post-thirteen chapters, I simply allowed the existing problems to appear. They weren't created by the absol. The absol acts to negate whatever is suppressing the problems, but understand, this was how things should have been from the start.

    Reread the story and it's all there. The girl back in Chapter Seven who said Silver wasn't a battler? You know, the one who Lucki called a jealous ***** for her comments, and you agreed? She was telling the truth. The story explicitly says in the first chapter that shiny pokemon are rarely as strong as their normal counterparts, and Silver is described, over and over again, as tiny, young, timid, and petite. She was not capable of being a good battler. Flare had abandonment issues anyone but Lucki could have seen from orbit, and his losses in battle are more from Lucki's utter lack of a strategy for him than any weakness on his part, not that it stops her from blaming him for it. Tryke? Was a little kid who'd gotten out of sight of his parents. Saurius leaves with Lucki right after his herd was shown to be at risk of poaching. It's inevitable that it would happen again, just as it's inevitable that Lucki, who only teamed up with Saurius because she wanted to get back at Magma for stealing her pokemon, wouldn't do anything when she heard the news.

    And the absol. The absol fought tooth and nail against capture, but Lucki caught her anyway.

    You thought Lucki was being kind and understanding when she refused to let Fara go, disparaged her reasons, and condescendingly decided the only real reason Fara could possibly not want to abandon her life in order to be beaten up for a stranger's glory was that Fara didn't know how nice and wonderful trainers are. You thought Lucki was being nice when she told Fara she knew more about absol than an absol and brushed off Fara's warning as she'd brushed off Fara's demand for release. Not because of kindness. Because Fara was rare and beautiful and strong and Lucki wanted her, nothing more.

    Fara told Lucki to release her three times. Lucki refused three times.

    Lucki is you.

    Because that's the other half, your reaction. You cheered her on. You assumed she was in the right. By the end, Lucki is outright abusive to Flare, and you don't notice. Raiden has a nightmare, and you brush it off as unrelated to actual events. Saurius' herd is recaptured, but you don't think anything of Lucki just continuing on her way. Silver has a breakdown, and you notice how inconvenient it is for Lucki. Keegan saves Lucki's life, but when Lucki finds out he's in Team Magma and declares him her enemy, you're rushing to the end right along with her. You agreed with what she did.

    So the good guys are whoever's helping her, and the bad guys are whoever isn't. Who needs to wonder at their reasons? She's always right and other people are always wrong. Anyone who criticizes her is doing it out of jealousy, because no one could be better or kinder or know more than her. She says she's friends with her pokemon but only notices them when they're inconvenient and doesn't have or want an equal relationship with any of them. She never has to sacrifice what she wants for what they want, and she never would. She doesn't think about anyone else but herself, because after all, she's the only one important.

    So she destroys the world to get back at a boy who saved her life and a pokemon who would have died for her.

    This is the story of a girl...who cried a river and drowned the whole world.

  18. #143
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    Wow, I would have never guessed YOU were actually behind the whole persona of icemew, Farla. And the hilarious thing about it is, icemew was probably one of my least favorite people in the whole of the fanfic section. Don't worry, I don't hold anything against you for pulling this prank - in fact, I can't stop giggling about how I - and in fact, everyone - was pretty much fooled. You're a genius for managing to pull this off.

    Unto the fic itself - seen it around a few times, tried reading it, but it just didn't catch my interest since at the time, I thought it was a seriously written almost-Sue with the world's most outrageous absol :P But, understanding it as the parody it is...I'm just amazed at the skill and self control to pull all that off.

    (It must have been hell for you to capitalize all those pokemon names, though! :P )
    ~Fanfics~
    Please don't friend me if I have no idea who you are.
    Since we can't claim Pokémon in the Bishie thread anymore....I claimed the lovely Ranger Solana instead. All mine!
    My Pokémon claim is Minun...Plusle's better, but Minun is still cute! XD

  19. #144
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    That was quite a unique ending, icemew. Lucki lost the confidence of her pokemon and ends up with fara and silver only. guess i understand why flare left...

    your battle scenes were a little sketchy as far as description is concerned, though. you could have fleshed out the raiden vs.Sadiki battle more. oh well, it was good as it is. only error i picked out was:

    was gashes
    that should be were gashes.

    all in all, an ending inuncertainity... what happens next is only up to you.

    Good luck and keep writing!

    L@er!
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  20. #145
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pink Parka Girl View Post
    Wow, I would have never guessed YOU were actually behind the whole persona of icemew, Farla. And the hilarious thing about it is, icemew was probably one of my least favorite people in the whole of the fanfic section.
    why.............because of DOING STUFF LIKE THIS???? i don't understand WHAT could possibly have BEEN ANNOYING about ME :/ :/ ??????? Or was it my awesome arguing skill.......of vagueness? Or the way I liked to pop up and talk about how Lucki is TOTALLY NOT A MARY SUE??? I AM GREAT! LOL FLAREON I IS GUD RITER. U R JUST JELOS.

    (It must have been hell for you to capitalize all those pokemon names, though! :P )
    The only thing better than having to write about a hundred pages of capitalized pokemon names is that now I have to go through and remove them all for reposting.

    Life is suffering.

    Quote Originally Posted by Air Dragon View Post
    That was quite a unique ending, icemew. Lucki lost the confidence of her pokemon
    Confidence? Not really.

    and ends up with fara and silver only.
    Nope, the only reason Silver doesn't run off immediately is because she doesn't have anywhere to run. And Lucki never had the absol in the first place.

    guess i understand why flare left...
    Do you?

    all in all, an ending inuncertainity... what happens next is only up to you.
    Rain falls, everybody dies.

  21. #146
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    Well, congratulations, you fooled the majority of the fanfic forum. I hope you're proud of yourself.

    Okay, I sampled your work on FFN, only having seen your "Unoriginality trainer" previously(and not knowing of your other works" and trying to incorporate some of its ideas. Apparently I failed miserably since I was part of your little "experiment.") (Which, by the way, I am NOT happy about, but for your ego, I'll let it slide.)

    But I also sampled some of your others, and apparently you're one of them. The writers who despise trainers, the ones who think Pokemon trainers are the spawn of Satan for removing Pokemon from their natural habitat (where they are likely PREYED UPON/must compete with others of their species for food) and forcing them to battle (in a controlled situation where they will "faint" long before their battle injuries become lethal) and live with them (where they will be given a steady source of food).

    Seriously, most everything you have written is, "trainers are evil," "trainers don't understand the Pokemon," "Pokemon would rather live in the wild." If Pokemon are truly superior to humans, as you assert over and over in your readings, would it not make sense that they enslave the humans and force them to battle, set up leagues, etc? But it is the humans who have set up that infrastructure. Why? It is because they have the REASONING ability to do so. They have developed a systematic, controlled method for allowing Pokemon to battle, yet making sure that injuries are moderate at worst and that at no time are the lives of Pokemon are threatened.

    Trainers provide Pokemon with a sort of life that would be impossible in the wild (gourmet restaurant cooking and $170 four-star resort hotels, anyone?) and most mean well. Hell, Pokemon should be GRATEFUL for being afforded the exclusive, glorious, and prestigious privilege to have the opportunity to battle alongside a human partner. Or maybe they prefer living in a cold cruel environment where death is always waiting to strike?

    My fic will continue as planned despite your excessive rants and manipulation of reviewers who meant well. I like OT fics, and I prefer them to be without the emo and angst of Pokemon who want to kill their trainer, without long winded psychological rants from PETA supporters about how removing them from their environment is cruel and inhumane, and without rants on how anyone who uses a Pokeball and catches a Pokemon is evil and deserves to burn in the eternal pits of hell.

    So maybe I should do a parody of all the anti-trainer angst fics, just as you have done to the WELL WRITTEN trainer fics. And BTW, from my fic it should be obvious that I am not emo/angsty, so your works really did not appeal to me on FF.net, aside from "Originality trainer." which did admittedly have its good advice.

    On an unrelated note, setting up a double account here is blatantly against the rules.
    Last edited by DarkPersian479; 15th April 2007 at 3:38 PM.

  22. #147
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    You thought Lucki was being kind and understanding when she refused to let Fara go, disparaged her reasons, and condescendingly decided the only real reason Fara could possibly not want to abandon her life in order to be beaten up for a stranger's glory was that Fara didn't know how nice and wonderful trainers are. You thought Lucki was being nice when she told Fara she knew more about absol than an absol and brushed off Fara's warning as she'd brushed off Fara's demand for release. Not because of kindness. Because Fara was rare and beautiful and strong and Lucki wanted her, nothing more.

    Fara told Lucki to release her three times. Lucki refused three times.

    Lucki is you.
    BECAUSE POKEMON FANFICTION ON THE INTERNET IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!!!11one

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    Last edited by Typhlogirl; 15th April 2007 at 12:05 PM.
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    Hey, I just saw the first chapter of this... the EXACT SAME ONE, posted on fanfiction.net, by an authoress by the name of Farla... any explanation? I know you have all the later chapters here, but it's either:

    1. She stole from you and will continue to or is just using the first chapter

    2. You stole from her and added to the first chapter... but I doubt it because she just added it like, yesterday.

    3. You ARE her!

    I don't know, but I'm mighty curious! Care to tell?
    Last edited by woesofthenorm; 15th April 2007 at 4:16 PM. Reason: misspelling of "because"
    Quote Originally Posted by Cool Frood View Post
    What they need is a Ghost/Normal pokemon. It's only weakness would be dark. It could be the tormented soul of all the rejected Bidoofs ... Imagine a Bidoof head on a ghost body *shiver*.

  24. #149
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    Originally posted by Typhlogirl
    BECAUSE POKEMON FANFICTION ON THE INTERNET IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!!!11one
    LMFAO! XD

    Quote Originally Posted by woesofthenorm View Post
    Hey, I just saw the first chapter of this... the EXACT SAME ONE, posted on fanfiction.net, by an authoress by the name of Farla... any explanation? I know you have all the later chapters here, but it's either:

    1. She stole from you and will continue to or is just using the first chapter

    2. You stole from her and added to the first chapter... but I doubt it because she just added it like, yesterday.

    3. You ARE her!

    I don't know, but I'm mighty curious! Care to tell?
    OMG, ROFLMAO! You do know that Farla is icemew, right? ;D

    Yeah, I read the first few chapters but never really commented. What can I say, Lucki's Lucky. Anyways, skipped the backbone of the story, and read the ending. Still can't believe this was one big *** parody. Well, I'm swamped.

    Divinity_123

  25. #150
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    Quote Originally Posted by DarkPersian479 View Post
    Well, congratulations, you fooled the majority of the fanfic forum. I hope you're proud of yourself.
    Yes. Yes, I am.

    But I also sampled some of your others, and apparently you're one of them. The writers who despise trainers
    Seriously, if I did, I wouldn't read near exclusively OT fics, and I wouldn't have multiple OT fics on my favorites list.

    I say horrible things about pet owners, you know. I am one. I know nice people who are ones. But this doesn't mean pets are universally well treated or that their owners are uniformly wonderful people who never do anything wrong. People can point out problems without hating everything involved.

    the ones who think Pokemon trainers are the spawn of Satan for removing Pokemon from their natural habitat (where they are likely PREYED UPON/must compete with others of their species for food) and forcing them to battle (in a controlled situation where they will "faint" long before their battle injuries become lethal) and live with them (where they will be given a steady source of food).
    In the real world, I care about animal rights. When there are no rules protecting animals, animals are horribly abused. In the pokemon world, there are few if any rules protecting them. My fanfiction is mainly about that point.

    And believe me, most wild animals seem to like being preyed upon over captivity. The battling issue is an interesting one, but missing a crucial point - pokemon in the wild aren't battling constantly. It's not the simply the difference between being healed or not healed.

    Even if it somehow were, justifying what you're doing by "well, in another situation it would be worse" is pretty harsh.

    Seriously, most everything you have written is, "trainers are evil," "trainers don't understand the Pokemon," "Pokemon would rather live in the wild." If Pokemon are truly superior to humans, as you assert over and over in your readings, would it not make sense that they enslave the humans and force them to battle, set up leagues, etc? But it is the humans who have set up that infrastructure. Why? It is because they have the REASONING ability to do so.
    Well, yes.

    Just about everyone else is writing stories where it's not an issue, so of course I would.

    And really, superiority isn't the issue. It's wrong to beat horses to death even through horses are obviously not as intelligent as humans. Just because you feed and house the horse does not make it okay to force them to drag overloaded carts.

    They have developed a systematic, controlled method for allowing Pokemon to battle, yet making sure that injuries are moderate at worst and that at no time are the lives of Pokemon are threatened.
    The poultry industry has developed a method of preventing hens from pecking each other. It involves searing off their beaks.

    Meanwhile, to avoid any injuries to breeding sows, they've kept in complete isolation their entire lives in pens too narrow to turn around in.

    Inexplicably, people sometimes argue that maybe, this is not necessarily the nicest thing we've ever done for the little dears.

    Trainers provide Pokemon with a sort of life that would be impossible in the wild (gourmet restaurant cooking and $170 four-star resort hotels, anyone?) and most mean well. Hell, Pokemon should be GRATEFUL for being afforded the exclusive, glorious, and prestigious privilege to have the opportunity to battle alongside a human partner. Or maybe they prefer living in a cold cruel environment where death is always waiting to strike?
    Yes, and African slaves were much safer than they were back in Africa. They also got to experience many new things.

    I'm quite sure there are some pokemon that like battling, as there are some people who, say, like boxing. I'm equally sure that there are others don't like battling, and that if they wanted to be caught, they wouldn't be desperately fighting to not be caught. I'd also believe some pokemon might, just possibly, value things like "basic freedom" or "family" or perhaps "not getting beaten up all day".

    Simple game: If you were in their position, what would you want?

    My fic will continue as planned despite your excessive rants and manipulation of reviewers who meant well. I like OT fics, and I prefer them to be without the emo and angst of Pokemon who want to kill their trainer, without long winded psychological rants from PETA supporters about how removing them from their environment is cruel and inhumane, and without rants on how anyone who uses a Pokeball and catches a Pokemon is evil and deserves to burn in the eternal pits of hell.
    ...okay. You did notice none of Lucki's pokemon wanted to kill her, right? And that there were no rants in the story? Or that the crux of the issue was that Lucki wasn't evil, just self-centered? No?

    It's ridiculous to argue my views are extreme if you're using hyperbole the whole time.

    So maybe I should do a parody of all the anti-trainer angst fics
    Sure! I'm really tired of the exaggerated ones where the trainer is just running around trying to be evil.

    as you have done to the WELL WRITTEN trainer fics.
    This story is not well written. I'd know, as I wrote it. I mean seriously.

    At any rate, the message of this to the real well written trainer fics is simply to consider the existence of things that aren't convenient. Don't define the world around your character's view alone. Let other characters have separate identities and goals. If you don't want to deal with pokemon that don't want to be trained, actually ask them, and actually release ones who refuse instead of saying the trainer knows better. Consider that pokemon, especially intelligent speaking ones, have lives of their own and might have other things they want to do.

    Pokemon should be characters of their own with their own desires, not a variant of pokebots that have voices just so they can agree with their trainer.

    On an unrelated note, setting up a double account here is blatantly against the rules.
    Eh. I'm switching accounts, not using both. I'd have just changed the name, but because of how delayed that is here, I wouldn't have been able to get the timing right.

    Quote Originally Posted by Typhlogirl View Post
    BECAUSE POKEMON FANFICTION ON THE INTERNET IS SERIOUS BUSINESS!!!11one
    ...says the girl with nearly seven hundred posts on this site alone. But yes, I see your point.

    Quote Originally Posted by woesofthenorm View Post
    Hey, I just saw the first chapter of this... the EXACT SAME ONE, posted on fanfiction.net, by an authoress by the name of Farla... any explanation? I know you have all the later chapters here, but it's either:

    1. She stole from you and will continue to or is just using the first chapter

    2. You stole from her and added to the first chapter... but I doubt it because she just added it like, yesterday.

    3. You ARE her!

    I don't know, but I'm mighty curious! Care to tell?
    Thanks, woesofthenorm, but yes, I'm either icemew or I've hacked their account to prevent them from saying otherwise. On Farla's FFN profile, there's actually a link that leads back here.

    Quote Originally Posted by Divinity_123 View Post
    Still can't believe this was one big *** parody.
    Well, it's not a parody as people usually think of them, which makes it easy to miss.

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