Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 26 to 50 of 100

Thread: The place were at (Pokeshipping)

  1. #26
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    1,113

    Default

    Well, this was a pretty good chapter. It could have been longer, but it still wasn't too short. But what does this have to do with the last chapter? I thought they just confessed treir love for each other. And for once I noticed a mistakes.

    Quote Originally Posted by foxkitty
    Misty got out the ice cream scoop and Ash got out four bowls. Misty scooped out everybodys ice cream and then sat down to at hers.
    It should say "and then sat down to her own." or you could just remove the "to" and it will also be correct.

    But still, good story foxkitty.

  2. #27
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    +With my friends, who love me+
    Posts
    364

    Default

    Oh, okay. The did and they left the room and they went to their rooms and fell asleep.. ^^ thanks I'm glad you like it.
    {SPPF's Punk}
    My fanfict
    [The place were at(Pokeshipping)]

  3. #28

    Default

    Mmmkay... here's my review!!!

    I don't want to seem mean, but this whole thing is kinda rushed and short. Not short all together, but short chapters. You got Ash and Misty together a little too fast, like you just wanted to get that scene out of the way... XD. That battle was very well written- keep up the good work!!!

    ~Kitteh

  4. #29
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    +With my friends, who love me+
    Posts
    364

    Default

    well not really, I just couldn't think of anything else to put. *shurgs* Thanks I tried my best. ^^ Thanks.
    ugh..stupid writers block.
    {SPPF's Punk}
    My fanfict
    [The place were at(Pokeshipping)]

  5. #30

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by foxkitty
    well not really, I just couldn't think of anything else to put. *shurgs* Thanks I tried my best. ^^ Thanks.
    ugh..stupid writers block.
    Yes, writers block is horrible... -pats your shoulder sympathetically-

  6. #31
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    +With my friends, who love me+
    Posts
    364

    Default

    lol. Thanks, I'll keep trying to beat it, thanks.

    Sorry for DPing but I think I found the missing part in the fanfict. I hope this helps...
    Misty placed her right hand under Ash
    Last edited by Kiori; 7th May 2006 at 10:39 PM.
    {SPPF's Punk}
    My fanfict
    [The place were at(Pokeshipping)]

  7. #32

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by foxkitty
    Sorry for DPing but I think I found the missing part in the fanfict. I hope this helps...
    Misty placed her right hand under Ash
    Missing part where?

  8. #33
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    +With my friends, who love me+
    Posts
    364

    Default

    what? dang here:
    Misty placed her right hand under Ash’s chin and lifted it up so they could look into each other’s eyes. Unexpected Ash leaned in closer until their noses touched. Ash turned his head a little and lightly kissed Misty on the lips.
    "Never, forget that I love you and you love me" Ash whispered in her ear and walked off.
    "Kuraloo" A voice squeaked behind her.
    "What, oh hi Kuraloo, what is it" Misty asked picking it up and petting it?

    Spoiler:
        Spoiler:
    Last edited by Kiori; 12th May 2006 at 8:36 AM. Reason: Cannot Double Post This Way
    {SPPF's Punk}
    My fanfict
    [The place were at(Pokeshipping)]

  9. #34
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    +With my friends, who love me+
    Posts
    364

    Default

    Chapter 6
    In the morning rattling waked Misty up. She was so scared she got up quietly and grabbed starmie pokeball. She tiptoed to the front door and peeked out the hole in the middle at the top.
    There were her sisters. Misty opened up the door.
    " You guys scared me to death" Misty said. "Why didn’t you use your key Violet?"
    " I uh…. Kinda lost it" Violet said embarrassed and putting her hand on the back of her head.
    "Oh…What’s wrong with Daisy?" Misty asked when she looked over at Lily who had Daisy on her back?
    "She looks like she has a fever" Misty said putting her hand on Daisy’s forehead and then yanking it away. "She’s really warm."
    They toke Daisy to her room, put her under the covers of her bed and Misty put a cold washrag on her forehead.
    " What happened" Misty asked as quite as she could?
    "We don’t know, she was still asleep when we woke up. So we went to get something to eat. And then when we got back she had this fever and we tried everything to make it go down but nothing helped" Violet said sitting on Daisy’s bed and butting her knees to her chest.
    " Daisy calm down, she’s goin to be fine, we just have to take her to the hospital" Misty said trying to comfort her sister.
    " No, Hospital" Daisy said opening her eyes.
    " Daisy you need to go to a hospital, you could have something serious" Lily said putting her hands on Daisy’s shoulders and nicely pushed her back down when she tried to get up.
    " No" Daisy said with a bit of fear in her voice.
    " Daisy is this because of what happened when you were 4" Misty asked?
    Daisy didn’t talk she just shook her head making the washrag fall on the floor.
    "Aww, Daisy theres nothing to be scared about" Lily said.
    " Yes, there is" Daisy whispered and pulled the covers over her head.
    "Aww, come on Daisy" Misty said picking up the washrag.

    "No" Daisy said.

    "Okay, I don’t care if we have to drag you in there kicking and screaming, your going" Misty said grabbing Daisy’s hands and pulling her up in a sitting postion.

    Then Misty with the help from Lily pulled Daisy’s feet and legs so that they hung off the bed.

    Then Misty pulled her out of bed making her stand up.

    "Come on" Misty said turning around and grabbing her hands.

    Misty walked her out of her room and out of the gym.

    When they got to the hospital Daisy hid behind her sisters.

    "Daisy, calm down" Violet said.

    "Excuse me, we need a room for our sister" Misty said walking up the counter.

    " What’s wrong with her" The Recptionist asked?

    " We don’t know, but she has a fever." Misty said.

    " Okay, Room 455 is empty. You do down this hall and then turn right and it should be the 2nd door on the left" The Recptionist said and sounded annoyed.

    "Okay thanks" Misty said.
    They started walking and then Misty stopped.

    "Ash, I forgot about him," Misty said taking out her cell phone and punching in his number.

    As it ringed Misty leaned against the wall next to the counter.

    At the gym Ash reached to turn off his alarm clock and fell onto the floor. Ash rubbed his head and grabbed his phone.

    "Dang, It stopped ringing" Ash said when he put his ear up to the phone.

    He hit the redial and waited tell Misty picked up.

    "Hello" Ash asked alittle sleepy?

    "Ash?" Misty asked.

    "Yeah, Misty, why are you calling me you could have just walked to my room" Ash asked confused?

    "I’m not in the gym Ash." Misty said laughing.

    "Oh, where are you" Ash asked?

    "At the hospital" Misty said putting a hand on her other ear trying to block some of the noise out.

    " The Hosspital, are you okay" Ash asked alittle freaked?

    " Calm down, I’m fine, Daisy is why we came" Misty said watching a nurse rush by.

    "Oh, wait when did your sisters come back" Ash asked confused again?

    " These…I’ll be off in a minute…morning" Misty said getting stopped by a nurse who walked by.

    "What?" Ash asked?

    "Nevermind the other part" Misty said.

    "Anyways I just wanted to call and tell you so you don’t get worried if you can’t find me, Bye" Misty said hanging up and putting it back in bookbag.

    "See" Misty, said to the nurse.

    "What..Oh yeah room 455" Misty said walking down the hall.

    When Misty got to Daisy’s room Daisy was fighting the nurses. It was actually funny Daisy was kicking and there were 4 nurses trying to get her to lie down on the bed. A nurse at her arms, a nurse at her legs.

    "Daisy, stop fighting" Misty demanded.

    "But, but…." Daisy whinned.

    "No, buts get in that bed" Misty said pointing to the hospital bed.

    "Fine" Daisy said pouting and getting into the bed.

    "What’s wrong with her" A nurse asked when she was right beside Misty?

    "Well, It happened when she was 3" Misty said.

    ~Flashback! ~
    "Ohh, what’s in here" 3 year-old Daisy asked walking into a slightly closed hospital room?

    When she walked into the middle of the room she saw a pregnate Lady and 4 nurses around her. Daisy didn’t understand why the lady’s face was turning red or why she was trying to break her husband’s hands. Daisy looked down and seen a baby’s head. She started screaming her head off.

    That scared the doctors, the lady and her husband they looked down and seen her.

    "How did she get in her" One of the doctors asked?

    "I don’t know" Another one said. "Come on, you shouldn’t be in her" the doctor said walking towards her.

    Daisy started screaming louder and backing up because she was scared. She didn’t know who this person was and he was wearing a white thing over his mouth and head and was wearing white gloves.

    "Daisy" Lily cried running in the room and hugging her sister.

    " There you are Daisy" Violet said running in with Misty in her arms.

    "Come on" Violet said grabbing Daisy’s hand and trying to get her to stop shaking. "Were’re really sorry" Violet said to the doctors.

    Then they walked out
    ~ End of Flashback ~

    "Oh, that’s terrible, walking into a birthing room" The nurse said looking back at Daisy and walking out.

    After a few hours of tests they found out what was wrong with Daisy.
    Last edited by foxkitty; 11th May 2006 at 8:42 PM.
    {SPPF's Punk}
    My fanfict
    [The place were at(Pokeshipping)]

  10. #35

    Default

    Hmmm, first to review!!!

    I like this chap! There's a couple mistakes:

    rattling waked Misty up.
    It would be woke Misty up.

    butting her knees to...
    Don't you mean putting?

    These…I’ll be off...
    Don't you mean this?

    Well, that's all I found. Very good chap, I like it! Keep it up!

    ~Kitteh

  11. #36
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    1,113

    Default

    This chapter seemed a bit rushed to me. It had a couple of mistakes, but only one really stood out.

    Quote Originally Posted by foxkitty
    " Daisy is this because of what happened when you were 4" Misty asked?
    Quote Originally Posted by foxkitty
    ~Flashback! ~
    "Ohh, what’s in here" 3 year-old Daisy asked walking into a slightly closed hospital room?
    You changed Daisy's age in these two scenes. You said she was four, and then changed it to three. Also, instead of putting the question marks at the end of the girls' speaking lines, you put them at the end of the whole paragraph. I do not think I worded that right at all, but I don't have time to word it better.

    Also, I don't think Misty would just leave her gym without telling Ash that she was going to the hospital.

  12. #37
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    ____behind you :OO
    Posts
    1,289

    Default

    Sorry for the late review...I forgot about your story and it knocked me when I saw your username. And it was so cute when Ash kissed Misty. Great chapter..though people have pointed out the mistakes, so I won't. And...why is there a ? at the end of the sentence? Does ? have to do with anything?
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

  13. #38
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    +With my friends, who love me+
    Posts
    364

    Default

    Kitteh: Can you give me the paragrap you fond that in? I can't rebember were that was. thanx.
    Fez the Mysfit Elf: I did? *looks up* dang I did. SOrry 'bout that. We'll she was caught up with trying to get Daisy to go to the hospital that she completly forgot about Ash.
    May_Beautifly: ^^ thanks. It's okay, people get busy and forget. Yeah because it was a question.
    {SPPF's Punk}
    My fanfict
    [The place were at(Pokeshipping)]

  14. #39

    Default

    ooooooh, can't ait for the next chapter, nice ending^^ keep it twinny the storys great!
    twins with: Uza-chan | paired with: Staryu
    pkmn trainer Light → 1 badge. 3 [oshawott, pansear, munna]. nacrene city ♥


  15. #40
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    +With my friends, who love me+
    Posts
    364

    Default

    ^^ thanks twinny. And if you ddn't read my post on PC.     Spoiler:
    {SPPF's Punk}
    My fanfict
    [The place were at(Pokeshipping)]

  16. #41
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    +With my friends, who love me+
    Posts
    364

    Default

    Chapter 7

    Her doctor walked in an hour after the last test. Daisy was sleeping and Violet was sitting in a wooden right next to Daisy’s bed, which she pulled over to the bed.

    He signed for Violet, Misty and Lily to follow him out into the hall. They got up and followed him. When they were out in the hall he shut Daisy’s door.

    " What’s wrong with our sister" Violet asked, her eyes red from crying?

    " Well she’s…

    ~ In Daisy’s room ~
    "Guys" Daisy, cried when she opened her eyes and seen the room was empty!


    " Were here" Misty, said as they raced back into the room.

    " Where were you" Daisy asked?

    "Out in the hall, talking to your doctor" Lily said sitting at the foot of Daisy’s hospital bed.

    " Oh, What’s wrong" Daisy asked worried?

    " Daisy, your Pregnate" Misty said walking over to her.

    "Preg…wow" Daisy said sitting up.

    "Daisy, I want you to stay here for a few days. So we can make sure that you’re okay and the baby is okay." The doctor said.

    "No, I want to go home" Daisy cried sitting up.
    "Daisy you want your baby to be okay, right?" Violet asked?
    "Yeah, but I want to go home" Daisy Whinned.

    "You should be able to go home on Friday," The Doctor said trying to calm her down.

    "Fine" Daisy said pouting and lying back down.

    "I’ll go get a nurse to refill your IV," The doctor said walking out and putting Daisy’s file in the pocket outside the door.

    "Hey, Daisy are you okay now" The nurse asked when she walked in?

    "Fine, I guess" Daisy mumbled while the nurse replaced the empty bag with a full one.

    "Your be fine" The nurse said hooking up the new bag.

    The nurse was wearing a white hat on her blond hair tat was up in a bun, and wearing a nurse outfit.

    "If you need anything ask for Ann, that’s me" ‘Anna’ said.

    "Ok, thanks" Daisy said.

    "I was looking through your file and I noticed that theres no record of your parents." Anna said to Daisy.

    Daisy, Violet, and Misty glanced at each other and Lily who was sitting on Daisy’s bed.

    "I’m sorry is that a sour spot or you girls" Anna asked after seeing their reaction.

    "Well…uh…kind of" Misty said.

    "But…we can tell you" Violet said.

    "Our dad died of Cancer and then our mom killed herself when Lily, Daisy, and I were 8 and Misty was 5." Violet said.

    "Oh, I’m so sorry" Anna said sadly.

    "Anna, we need your help. Mr. Skaflish is walking around naked again," Another nurse said sticking her head in the door.

    "Not again! "Mr. Skaflish you have to wear your gown" Anna yelled running out of the room.
    Last edited by foxkitty; 22nd May 2006 at 11:27 PM.
    {SPPF's Punk}
    My fanfict
    [The place were at(Pokeshipping)]

  17. #42

    Default

    Whoaness!! Daisy, pregnant?? Whoa!!!

    ~Kitteh

  18. #43
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    ____behind you :OO
    Posts
    1,289

    Default

    0_o Who is Daisy pregnant with?

    "Anna, we need your help. Mr. Skaflish is walking around naked again," Another nurse said sticking her head in the door.
    -cracks up- XD
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

  19. #44
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    1,113

    Default

    Well, this chapter was good. But I think that if Violet, Lilly, and Misty found out that Daisy was pregnant, their reactions would be somewhat bigger then that. This is quite an interesting story, but it seems as if it's wandered off the Pokeshipping course that it started out on. But it's still a good story.

  20. #45

    Default

    Yes very noce chapter^_____________^ and that last sentence was pretty fuuny XD anyway you know I can't wait for the next chapter^^

    Daisy pregnat huh? I figured with the previous chapter of her scared to death of someone giving birth XD
    twins with: Uza-chan | paired with: Staryu
    pkmn trainer Light → 1 badge. 3 [oshawott, pansear, munna]. nacrene city ♥


  21. #46
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    +With my friends, who love me+
    Posts
    364

    Default

    KItthen: Your find out in the next chap.
    May_Beautifly: Your find out in the next chapter. Yeah, I cracked up laughing when I thought of that too.
    Fez the Mystic Elf: Yeah, I guess your right, sorry about that. Yeah it kina got of course.
    Twiny: LOL. Thanks. Yep, lol your good at figuring things out....she'll be fine.
    THanks you guys for posting.
    P.S: I forgot my fanfict in my locker yeserday, and the next chapter was done, dang, I'll post it tuesday if I get a change. Well Chimo!
    Last edited by foxkitty; 27th May 2006 at 7:10 PM.
    {SPPF's Punk}
    My fanfict
    [The place were at(Pokeshipping)]

  22. #47
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    +With my friends, who love me+
    Posts
    364

    Default

    Chapter 8
    Misty’s cellphone started ringing, and she got it out to slow. On the small screen it said "Missed calls 1".

    "Um…I’ll be back" Misty said and walked out.
    She looked at the nurses’ station. There were 3 nurses, one was on the phone and the other one, just ran into room 18B. Anna was talking, to an elderly man in his late 60’s, who Misty figured was Mr. Skaflish. He had gray hair with a patch of dark brown on one side. He was wearing a white gown and looked like another one was over he first one in the back.

    Then Misty remebered why she had came out here in the first place and she walked in the girls’ bathroom.

    Misty checked the stalls and for a few minutes stayed quiet and didn’t move, so she could hear if anyone was coming. When she heard nobody coming, she ducked into the last stall. She locked the door and leaned against the yellow wall.

    She looked at the miss call’s number and punched it in.

    "Pikachu, stop it. Hello" A voice asked?

    "Hi, Ash. What’s pikachu doing? It can’t be that bad cause he’s a little angel." Misty said.

    "Misty! Hi. Hey that’s what you think Mist." Ash said. "Pikachu! He just opened the counter door and now theres Trix all over the floor. Pick them--*laughs* that works too. He’s eating them."

    "Aw, hi pikachu" Misty said.

    "Pikachu, come say hi to Misty" Ash said.

    "Pika Pika" Pikachu said when ash put the phone on the floor next to him.

    "Hi. I miss you" Misty said.

    "So, how’s Daisy doing" Ash asked when he got the phone back?

    "Fine…she’s fine," Misty said.

    "What’s up?" Ash asked?

    "I thought a nurse was coming" Misty said.

    She unlocked the door and opened it up enough to see out. When she seen nobody there, she locked the door again.

    "Again" Ash asked?


    "Yeah, the first time I called you, I got a dirty look from a nurse" Misty said leaning against the yellow wall again.

    "Oh, okay, So what’s wrong with Daisy" Ash asked?

    "Well, she’s going to have a baby" Misty said.

    Ash didn’t answer but Misty could hear is breath.

    "Ash" Misty asked?

    He didn't answer again.

    "What?….Oh sorry Mist" Ash answered finally.

    "What happened" Misty asked?

    "I was just thinking" Ash said.

    "Oh well I, should go and see how Daisy is doing" Misty said.

    "Ok, I love you" Ash said.

    "Love you too, bye" Misty said and hung up.

    "How you doing Daisy" Misty asked when she got back to the room?

    "Great!" Daisy said sarcastly.

    "Was that Ash" Daisy asked pushing the call button?

    "Why do you need the nurse? Are you okay? Yeah, it was." Misty asked walking over to her?

    "My head hurts and I feel lightheaded. I’ll be fine. Knew it." Daisy said.

    "My head hurts and I feel lightheaded" Daisy said after Anna came in and asked what was wrong.

    "Hmm, I’ll go get a pain killer---that doesn’t hurt the baby---and---Ow. Can one of you guys go get wet washrag" Anna said to Daisy and then asked her sisters.?

    "Yeah, I well." Violet said running out of the room.

    Anna put the bed up alittle and then left.

    A few minutes later violet came back with a wet washrag. She walked over to Daisy and put the washrag on her forehead.

    "Okay take these 2 pills with water." Anna said handing Daisy a cup of water.

    " If your head still hurts in 4 hours, call me again" Anna said.

    "Okay" Daisy said pushing the wet washrag up because it fell over her eyes.

    "Come here" Anna, said laughing.

    She toke the washrag and unfolded it. Then folded it hot dog style and then hot dog style again. Then put it back on Daisy’s forehead.

    "Call Brendon" Daisy said all of a sudden.

    "Uh…okay" Lily said getting out her phone.

    She scrolled down till she found his phone number. When he answered she gave the phone to Daisy.

    "Hi" Daisy said.

    "Hi Dais" Brendon said.

    "Um…Brendon I’m pregnate…" Daisy said.

    "Whoa! Where are you" Brendon asked?

    "I’m at the Lilycove Hospital" Daisy said.

    "Hos…are you okay," Brendon asked?

    "Yeah, I’m fine don’t worry" Daisy said.

    "Young lady you can’t have a cellphone on in the hospital" A nurse said as she walked by.

    "Sorry" Daisy said putting the palm on the speaker.

    "I have to go" Daisy said when she toke her palm away.

    "Okay, Love you…bye" Brendon said and hung up.

    Daisy gave the phone back to her sister.
    {SPPF's Punk}
    My fanfict
    [The place were at(Pokeshipping)]

  23. #48

    Default

    Whoa... is Daisy pregnant with Brendon's baby??? WHOA!!!

    WEllz, peace and crackers,

    ~Kitteh

  24. #49
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    +With my friends, who love me+
    Posts
    364

    Default

    Kitteh: LOL.Yes, its his baby.
    {SPPF's Punk}
    My fanfict
    [The place were at(Pokeshipping)]

  25. #50
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    ____behind you :OO
    Posts
    1,289

    Default

    "Well, she’s going to have a baby" Misty said.

    Ash didn’t answer but Misty could hear is breath.

    "Ash" Misty asked?

    He didn't answer again.

    "What?….Oh sorry Mist" Ash answered finally.
    For a minute there, I thought Ash was the baby's father...-breathed a sigh of relief when read about the Brendon part-
    Anyway, nice chapter! ^^ Can't wait for more!
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •