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Thread: Valentine Kiss (Contestshipping, One-shot)

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    Default Valentine Kiss (Contestshipping, One-shot)

    Bleh! Mimori forced me to post it here. D:
    Anyways, another attempt to post a ficcie here. Only its a one-shot. =o 6 pages on Microsoft Works Word Processor. Anyways, feel free to point out my mistakes. And enjoy... I think. x.x

    Valentine Kiss (Contestshipping) PG-13

    ******
    "I love you!" cried a 14 year old boy, running up to a girl, same as the boy's age. They both started blushing and laughing. The boy showed her the bouquet of flowers that were behind. She smiled and gracefully took them. They both then ran down, probably enjoying themselves in some fancy restaurant. From afar, Shuu watched them with a blank face. He could care less about two people coming to each other and telling them 'I love you' and 'We should go out sometime'. But for himself, it seemed a bit different. Without thinking of the lovely sick couple he just saw, he continued roaming the streets, alone as usual. But he couldn't escape the city of love. Everywhere he crossed this day, were two people, either holding hands and exchanging hugs or talking about how much they adore each other. These things made Shuu somehow sick. Man, these people are insane. He thought. But he had no choice but to live with it. After all, it is Valentine's Day.

    But the day only started. He felt trapped now. Trapped in a world of hearts, chocolates and little teddy bears. He suddenly came upon a flower shop. It seemed full of desperate people, mostly guys, who wanted to buy roses or other kinds of plants to give to their loved ones. Shuu looked down at a pot full of roses. Carefully, he picked one up and squinted at it as he never laid eyes on one. With a smile of disappointment, he placed it back. A water droplet came down from a petal, splashing into the bottom of the pot. Without a sound of arrival, Shuu looked behind and saw Haruka and her friends, walking happily through the streets. Talking about a contest or battle, Shuu thought. Haruka then turned and saw the green haired coordinator.

    "Shuu?" she whispered, hoping that her friends would not hear that her biggest rival was here. She kept staring at him. Shuu did as well.

    "Hey, Shuu!" yelled Satoshi. Haruka then noticed that her friend merely called him. Shuu had no choice but to come towards them.

    "Hi," he muttered as he walked to them. Haruka looked at him with an odd face. Shuu just gave them his famous smirk.

    "What brings you here?" Haruka asked, knowing that she did not care for whatever reason he was here.

    Shuu just shrugged, "Just doing a little sightseeing."

    "Well, shouldn't you be practicing for the next contest?" Haruka added, wanting to leave Shuu for an odd reason.

    "I tend to just relax. You know. Not like you who gets all nervous or anything."

    Haruka blushed. But for embarrassment, "That's not true!"

    And with clumsy legs, she tripped over grabbing onto Shuu and both of them fell. Next thing, Haruka was on top of him.

    "Haruka are you okay?" cried her brother, Masato, who seemed worried about his sister. Haruka didn't want to move nor open her eyes. But she also did not want to stay on the floor all day so she quickly got up.

    "Sorry, Shuu," Haruka said, "Anyways, we got to go."

    "Fine," Shuu replied as he slowly got up from the ground. He watched them all leave. He looked back at the flower shop. He suddenly thought, this day might be so bad.

    "What was that all about?" Satoshi asked Haruka as they sat down on seats next to a table.

    "I don't know," Haruka responded, "But you know Shuu. He's a jerk."

    "Well you seem very interested in him," Masato stated.

    "No I'm not!" Haruka cried, ready to kill her brother.

    "I'm just kidding," he lied. He just didn't want to die.

    "Well, at least you'll know he'll be in the contest," Satoshi wondered. Haruka looked at him with a denial face.

    "I'm not sure if he really is," she said, looking out the window into the blue sky. She felt as if he was just outside that window, "But it doesn't matter. I'm not going to let him get in my way."

    "That's the spirit, Haruka," Satoshi said with a smile. Haruka made a smile of determination.

    "Speaking of which, where is Takeshi?" Satoshi and the rest looked around. Eventually they found him, flirting with Nurse Joy. She seemed startled by him.

    "Nurse Joy," he said with hearts in his eyes, "Why don't you leave this place and spend the day with me."

    Suddenly, Masato grabbed his ear and dragged him away, "Why don't you leave this place and spend the day away from her."

    Satoshi and Haruka sweat dropped.

    "Hey, Satoshi, I think I'll just go up to the rooms," Haruka said and with that she walked straight up the stairs before Satoshi could answer. After she couldn't see him anymore she ran into the room. She just closed the door and slid down to the floor. What's wrong with me? Haruka thought as she stared up the ceiling. Then she heard yelling from outside. She got up and looked out the window, seeing a girl breakup with her boyfriend. She threw the bouquet of pink and red carnations on his face. Tears streamed down his face as he pleaded for forgiveness.

    "Wow, poor guy," Haruka couldn't help but feel pity for him. Haruka loved Valentine's Day. She loved seeing people be happy with their loved ones. She then thought of the times she celebrated Valentines Day. Back to when she was little. Back at home, she used her crafty ideas to make valentines for the people she cared. She happily grabbed a nearby pair of scissors and cut a pink paper into a shape of heart. She then started scribbling some note that made her giggle and blush. She hugged the paper heart with joy and danced around with it. Filled with a happy feeling. To her, it was love.

    "Daydreaming, Haruka?" whispered a voice that bought her back to the present. She turned and found Shuu, standing next to her. She yelled, also startled.

    "What are you doing here?" she cried, about to grab a pillow from nearby and throw it.

    "I don't know," he responded. Looking at Haruka with a smile. Haruka's face began to turn pink. She couldn't stop it. Shuu noticed and snickered, "You look like some girl who's about to get attacked or something."

    Haruka didn't know why she seemed afraid of him. She gulped and grabbed the end of her pillow, "What do you mean?"

    "Never mind," he said. Haruka looked at him with a glare.

    "Well what do you want? Because obviously, you came here for something."

    Shuu looked around the room for a moment and then stared down at Haruka who was turning away, "Well I—"

    "Whatever it is, I don't have it. I don't want it," Haruka interrupted.

    Shuu shook his head, "Here."

    He took out a red rose from his pocket and held it in front of Haruka. Haruka look at it and snatched it out of his hands. She looked back at him who directly looked back at her. They didn't say a word after that. Then Shuu shook his head. He somehow felt as if he was in a trance.

    "Anyways," he began to walk off. Haruka watched him head to the door and looked down at the rose.

    "Wait!" she called to him. He looked back her.

    "I just—" she paused, unaware of what she was about to say," Why are you giving me roses?"

    Shuu looked away. He didn't want to answer, "Like I said, they're not for you."

    "Then why give are you handing them to me?" Haruka began to get angry. Shuu walked back to her. She looked up at him.

    "Why do you want to know anyways?" Shuu whispered. Haruka did not respond nor move. She just sat there on the bed, "Um...because—"

    Shuu raised an eyebrow, "Because?"

    Haruka then had a weird feeling. A feeling that said don't make a wrong answer or you'll sound stupid.

    "You know what? Just forget it. You were leaving. Weren't you?"

    Shuu sat right next to Haruka on the bed. She seemed to have gotten scared.

    "Are you afraid of me?" Shuu asked with curiosity in him.

    "N-n-n-n-no!" Haruka replied. Shuu shook his head, a bit disappointed.

    "I know you are," he said, flicking his green hair, "But I don't see why. After all, don't you find me attractive?"

    Haruka turned away, "The day I find you attractive, is the day when Magikarp fly."

    "Then I guess they must be flying," Shuu teased. Haruka turned to face him, glaring while he just smiled.

    "You do seem cute when you're mad," he added.

    "Shut up!" Haruka blushed and grabbed the pillow next to her. She began to swing it at Shuu, but he caught her arm. Haruka gasped.

    "You sure like killing people," Shuu said.

    "Only people like you," Haruka snarled and tried getting her arm back, but Shuu refused to let go. Instead, he pulled her closer to him. Haruka began to feel weird. She didn't know why. They eventually got closer to each other until Haruka could feel Shuu's breath. Without saying anything else, they touched each other's lips and kissed. Haruka then lost all the other feelings she had. Her heart started pounding like a drum. It felt like her feelings were playing a trick on her. She felt weird, yet happy and also felt warm. With the urge to let go, she couldn't. For one, she had the rose on one hand and the other was will grabbed by Shuu. Her body then refused to let go. It made it seem like Shuu was controlling it. She only closed her eyes. Full with happiness. Shuu let go of her hand and tied his hands around Haruka's waist. Then he pulled her down until her back was on the bed. For some unknown reason, they couldn't let go of each other. Shuu was on top of Haruka. Haruka just kept her eyes closed. But not because of fear, because she didn't want to lose the feelings. It was more than just a heart shaped paper or a rose given. Shuu then finally let go, causing Haruka to open her eyes. She looked at him, who stared back at her with a smile. Then within seconds, Shuu quickly sat up. Haruka did too. Both blushed pink and looked away. Unaware of what just happened.

    "Um, yeah. That—" Haruka stopped. She didn't know what to say after that. That she never really been kissed that way or that she couldn't handle being kissed by her biggest rival. Shuu turned back to her. He looked at her turn away, but at the same time, he knew that she was blushing.

    "Well, just to let you know," he said getting up and headed for the door, "I think I seem to like Valentine's Day."

    "W-w-what?" Haruka seemed dumbfounded but at the same time, she tried smothering the blush that she couldn't keep showing.

    Shuu just snickered, "I think your friend, Satoshi, made you dense."

    "What's that supposed to mean?" Haruka got up. Finally getting rid of the blush and back to her old self. She fully gave him a glare.

    "You're so... so..." she couldn't think of what to say to him. A small knock came from the door. Haruka panicked and hid behind Shuu.

    "Haruka? Are you okay?"

    It was Haruka's brother, Masato. Haruka trembled in fear. Shuu looked at the door with a blank expression and then looked down at Haruka, who was shivering in fear.

    "I'm fine," Haruka finally said.

    "You sure? I mean Satoshi said you looked rather sad," Masato didn't know weither to open the door or not. Shuu looked at her with an eyebrow raised.

    "You have to get out of here," Haruka whispered to Shuu. He turned away his head.

    "For what?" he whispered back. "I mean, not like he'll kill you."

    "No, but—" Haruka was cut off by the doorknob moving. It made a loud sound with a click followed. Masato fully opened the door and took full notice of Shuu.

    "What are you doing here?" his voice started to rise. Shuu did not answer. Haruka had a feeling that it was going to be bad. "Well?"

    Haruka had the urge to tell Masato off. But then she wouldn't want any more trouble.

    "Is there a problem to why I'm here?" Shuu asked, a bit curious of what his answer would be.

    "Well of course there is," he began yelling. Haruka feared of Satoshi and Takeshi coming in. "You in here. Alone with my sister."

    Shuu didn't fear a little 9 year old. "Well, I guess if it makes you happy, then I'll just leave."

    Masato ran to his sister and hugged her, "That would be a good idea."

    Shuu shook his head once more and slowly walked out. Haruka wanted to tell him something. But couldn't move since Masato disallowed it.

    "Why was he here?" Masato asked.

    "I don't know," she said. "I really don't know why."

    Masato then took notice of the rose that laid on the bed. He felt confused.

    "You really love him?" Masato said, grabbing the rose with one hand. He examined it and then tapped Haruka on the shoulder, with the rose in his hands. Haruka turned and took the rose gently.

    "I don't know," she hesitated for a moment and ran out the door, dropping the rose on the floor. Masato picked it up and smiled. As if his own sister made a right decision. Haruka ran down the stairs and into the lobby. She looked from one side to another. Finding Shuu. But he wasn't there. Except a few people who had their Pokémon out. Haruka headed for the exit and saw the sky was dark. Stars glittered with the moon rising up. From afar she could see Shuu. Standing and staring at the round white moon that reflected in his eyes. He began to walk into the city.

    "Shuu!" Haruka yelled, running up to him. Shuu turned behind him and seemed astonished.

    "Haruka?" he said. Haruka, becoming exhausted, kept running until she tripped over herself and fell right into Shuu's arms. Shuu felt embarrassed but didn't care. Haruka just got up and hugged Shuu fast.

    "Happy Valentine's Day," she whispered. Shuu smiled and hugged her back. Haruka then released him and back away a little.

    "You made me do that!" she screamed.

    "Sure I did," Shuu rolled his eyes and laughed a little. Haruka ran back to the Pokémon Center. But on the way, she looked back and saw Shuu, still standing. She smiled and went through the doors. Shuu kept watching until a couple of minutes went on. This is no ordinary valentine's day, Shuu thought and continued walking back into the city.
    ******

    Tada? *hides*
    Last edited by Sweet May; 15th February 2006 at 1:45 AM.

    ONOMNOMNOM

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  2. #2
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    I read this at FF and it ROCKS. I love how real this seemed to fit in it the series, like it could be an actual episode. Awesome Sweet May! ^_^
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    That was really good sweet may! I enjoyed it! I loved the conversation in the room, he,he,he...awwww, that was sweet, you should write more!^^

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    YAY I'm here. XD

    I read this an hour ago on FF.net from the link in your sig, and I <3 it. Poor Haruka, so confused. Shuu was so sweet, especially @ the end. ^^ Awesome job~

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    sweet....but I noticed you wentr from Japaneese names to English and Back...

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    Aww, I love it, very beautiful. It seems like it could happen in the anime, I think Max teasing her, and figuring out she liked him was so sweet, awesome job, Sweet May.
    Favorite Quote:
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  7. #7
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    Aaw, so cute. I really enjoyed this fic! My favourite scene was when Masato was questioning his sister about Shuu. I always wished they would actually have a scene like that in the anime.

  8. #8
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    Aw... Such a cute Fan Fiction... You provide us with the best Valentine's Day presents Sweet May... I love how you showed the chemistry between Haruka and Shuu.

  9. #9
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    Default Yay, long review. :O

    I finally finished reading the fic on FFN while I was there... and it was soo sweet. I submitted a review there, but I will leave one here too. D:

    Despite that I'm not much a shipper person (besides of SPPf or the REAL nightlightshipping), this fic was nonetheless very sweet. I did notice some minor errors, but they are understandable. At least you used the correct tenses, as far as I can notice. Sometimes my eyes can trick me too, and I am still able to come up with this now.

    I think the flow was good, and so far, I haven't found any grammar/spelling errors.

    But here are some suggestions I can give you in parts of the fanfic. It's probably not the best as a professional or close to one, but it's the best I can do for now. >_> But yours is okay too. I just broke it a bit so the ideas don't seem too fused together and whatnot. Or didn't replace much. *shrug*
    *shot* ;D


    "I love you!" cried a 14 year old boy, running up to a girl, same as the boy's age. They both started blushing and laughing. The boy showed her the bouquet of flowers that were behind. She smiled and gracefully took them. They both then ran down, probably enjoying themselves in some fancy restaurant. From afar, Shuu watched them with a blank face. He could care less about two people coming to each other and telling them 'I love you' and 'We should go out sometime'. But for himself, it seemed a bit different. Without thinking of the lovely sick couple he just saw, he continued roaming the streets, alone as usual. But he couldn't escape the city of love. Everywhere he crossed this day, were two people, either holding hands and exchanging hugs or talking about how much they adore each other. These things made Shuu somehow sick. Man, these people are insane. He thought. But he had no choice but to live with it. After all, it is Valentine's Day.
    "I love you!" cried a fourteen-year-old (14?) boy as he ran up to a girl of about the same age. The confession had left the two young couple blushing furiously and laughing, before the male revealed the bouquet of flowers he had been hiding. The girl had smiled and gracefully took them, while they both ran down together to perhaps enjoy themselves in a restaurant.

    From afar, Shuu watched the couple with a blank face. He was nonchalant about two people coming together to confess their love before going out to a restaurant. However, for himself, it seemed to be a slightly different story.

    Without thinking much on the new couple, Shuu continued to roam the streets, alone as usual. But it was inevitable to escape the love that captivated the city. Everywhere he crossed today, there were two people that either held hands and exchanged hugs, or talking about how much they adored each other.

    Those, however, sickened Shuu in an odd way. Man, these people are insane, he though. But he had no choice but to just cope with it, since it was after all, Valentine's Day.

    But the day only started. He felt trapped now. Trapped in a world of hearts, chocolates and little teddy bears. He suddenly came upon a flower shop. It seemed full of desperate people, mostly guys, who wanted to buy roses or other kinds of plants to give to their loved ones. Shuu looked down at a pot full of roses. Carefully, he picked one up and squinted at it as he never laid eyes on one. With a smile of disappointment, he placed it back. A water droplet came down from a petal, splashing into the bottom of the pot. Without a sound of arrival, Shuu looked behind and saw Haruka and her friends, walking happily through the streets. Talking about a contest or battle, Shuu thought. Haruka then turned and saw the green haired coordinator.
    But the day had only started and Shuu already felt trapped. He had somehow stopped in front of a flower shop, as if agreeing with him that he was trapped in a world of hearts, chocolates, and teddy bears. The flower shop seemed to be full of desperate people, mostly of males who had wanted to buy roses or other plants to give to their loved ones.

    Looking down on a pot of roses, Shuu carefully picked one up and squinted at it as though he never laid eyes on one. With a smile of disappointment, he placed it back. A water droplet came down from a petal, splashing to the bottom of the pot.

    Without a sound of arrival, Shuu glanced behind to see Haruka with her usual group of friends walking happily through the streets. They were undoubtedly talking about the upcoming contest or battle, Shuu thought when he noticed Haruka turned to see the green-haired coordinator.


    I believe you have to put the dash for the description of Shuu like that.. *shrug* Well, there are more I'd go through but, I should be working on my own one-shot. A belated Valentine's Day one-shot. Bleh. At least it doesn't have to be released on the same day...

    And I did make it seem a bit shorter.. Ah whatever. I'm bad at reviewing or editing. ;_;

    *runs off* Hope I didn't confuse you with my edit, and that you understand. If you don't, feel free to IM me on MSN about it and stuff. Not that I won't. :D

    It's nonetheless a very, very sweet fanfiction. Though with some awkward moments, a very sweet fanfiction.

    I need to lay off some of my seriousness. ¬¬ And enjoy myself sometimes.

    Keep it up though, Cyn! ^_^
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  10. #10
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    Okay, you guys like this because you’re into this coupling. Me, no.1, I’m a neutral meaning I don’t support this or any type of shipping. No. 2, I have a problem with this fic, graphically it’s good and then I look at the words.

    There are a number of full stops that are unnecessarily placed, making the grammar terrible, there were sentences were described in a not very good way, you also need to work on your paragraphing. Allow me to show you a few things…

    Man, these people are insane. He thought. But he had no choice but to live with it. After all, it is Valentine's Day.
    Try this…
    “Man, these people are insane,” he thought to himself. Despite his opinion, he had no choice but to live it. After all, it was Valentine’s Day.
    "I don't know," he responded. Looking at Haruka with a smile. Haruka's face began to turn pink. She couldn't stop it. Shuu noticed and snickered, "You look like some girl who's about to get attacked or something."
    Try this…
    “I don’t know,” he responded, looking at her with his trademark smirk on his face. He then noticed a pink blush appearing on her face and let out a small snicker. “You look like some girl who’s about to get attacked or something,” he said.”
    "What are you doing here?" his voice started to rise. Shuu did not answer. Haruka had a feeling that it was going to be bad. "Well?"
    Try this…
    “What are you doing here?” Masato yelled in shock and anger. Haruka had a feeling that this may turn into a bad situation as Shuu didn’t answer him. “Well?”
    "I don't know," she hesitated for a moment and ran out the door, dropping the rose on the floor. Masato picked it up and smiled. As if his own sister made a right decision. Haruka ran down the stairs and into the lobby. She looked from one side to another. Finding Shuu. But he wasn't there. Except a few people who had their Pokémon out. Haruka headed for the exit and saw the sky was dark. Stars glittered with the moon rising up. From afar she could see Shuu. Standing and staring at the round white moon that reflected in his eyes. He began to walk into the city.
    Try this…
    “I don’t know,” she said as she hesitated for a moment before running out of the door, dropping the rose on the floor. Masato picked it up and smiled as if his own sister made a right decision.

    She ran the stairs and into the lobby, looking from one side to the other in order to find Shuu but he was not there. She headed for the exit and saw a dark sky with glittering stars with moon rising up.

    Then, from afar, she spotted him, who was standing and gazing at the round white moon that reflected in his own eyes. Soon, he started to walk away from the centre.
    On the positive side, this story is pretty sweet and romantic at times but you need to work on your writing. I hope these corrections help you out a little bit and I hope improve in future.

    Overall score: 2/5

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  11. #11
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    Another Contestshipping fic! *comes back from reading Brian Powell's fic*

    I have to agree with Brian and Midnight Eefi though, there are some errors. Mostly it's with spacing and tenses though. I don't feel like rereading though. *lazy*

    Quote Originally Posted by Midnight Eefi
    Quote Originally Posted by Sweet May
    "I love you!" cried a 14 year old boy, running up to a girl, same as the boy's age. They both started blushing and laughing. The boy showed her the bouquet of flowers that were behind. She smiled and gracefully took them. They both then ran down, probably enjoying themselves in some fancy restaurant. From afar, Shuu watched them with a blank face. He could care less about two people coming to each other and telling them 'I love you' and 'We should go out sometime'. But for himself, it seemed a bit different. Without thinking of the lovely sick couple he just saw, he continued roaming the streets, alone as usual. But he couldn't escape the city of love. Everywhere he crossed this day, were two people, either holding hands and exchanging hugs or talking about how much they adore each other. These things made Shuu somehow sick. Man, these people are insane. He thought. But he had no choice but to live with it. After all, it is Valentine's Day.

    "I love you!" cried a fourteen-year-old (14?) boy as he ran up to a girl of about the same age.
    You could just leave the "14-year old boy" in. You're only supposed to write out words over 10 or at the beginning of a sentence--otherwise they're perfectly alright.

    This was a great story though, with MUCH blushing. x_x And tripping on Shuu.

  12. #12
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    i like this story! i like how i didn't know what was going to happen next. write more stories! i like them!
    talia

  13. #13
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    Despie the grammar that was a cute story

  14. #14
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    very good! a few gramatical errors, but otherwise its VERY VERY VERY good! my favorite line:


    Haruka turned away, "The day I find you attractive, is the day when Magikarp fly."

    "Then I guess they must be flying," Shuu teased.
    that was a lmao moment.

    anyway, the romantic scene was awesome. i could picture it well, and it was very nice. ^^ it sounds like something i would write.

    great job!

    ~riolulu

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