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Thread: Hurricanes PG-13 (Brawly x Morty)

  1. #1
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    Default Hurricanes PG-13 (Brawly x Morty)

    This is a fic that (if I get word from Kiori) will be NC-17...or at least the last chapter will be.....Anyways it's A Hottieshipping fic so enjoy......(It's just a Prolouge now).

    Hurricanes

    It was a cloudy evening, Morty, now seventeen, had is hands on the railing of the ship he was on. He was on his way to visit his Cousin Roxanne in Rustboro. He had arrived in Hoenn through Lillycove Harbor then traveled by ferry to Slateport on his way to Rustboro harbor. He was so excited to see his favorite little cousin he wasn’t paying attention to the strong wind picking up as the Ship left the Harbor in Slateport.

    ………………………………

    4 years ago........

    At a Family party in Eurateck City, Morty was crying in his room, upstairs everyone was laughing as nothing had happened, but something had.........five minuets ago Morty had announced he was gay. The family started yelling at him, all but little Roxanne, she was only nine then, but she knew what gay meant, that he liked other boys and men, she didn’t care that he was gay because he was already 13 and bigger than her so she looked up to him. She was very cute with her blue sailor girl outfit and her matching ribbons holding her two braids together. She sat down next to him and gave him a hug.

    “Don’t worry Morty,” she said cutely “I still love you!” just then her Geodude popped out of its Pokeball and joined the hug. “Hee hee! Even Geodude loves you.” She giggled.

    “Thanks Roxie,” he said smiling sadly.

    …………………………………

    Present Day...........

    The ship was sailing past Dewford when two huge sea storms blew through the area. The wind was so strong chairs and tables and other objects were blown away. Morty held on to the railing and realized everyone was inside. The wind was picking up real fat and Morty was blown into the air. Flying threw the sky would have been awesome for him if he wasn’t in this position. He fell with a crash into the waves of Sea Route 105. The waves dragged him further and further away from the boat. He was bobbing in and out of the ocean as the waves pushed him into the rough sea. He was to confused and terrified to move, but he was going to fast to make any difference. He figured the storm would eventually stop and he would live so he climbed on to a overturned Counter from the cruise, it was like a raft with walls and more room. He sat and waited. But what he didn’t know was that two others storms were combining due to Kyogre getting p*ssed off at a rock that fell on it so it created a storm that would last 30 days and nothing could stop it now. The waves crashed against the raft as he wad thrown around in the sea. Then a huge wave came and knocked Morty against the Shore of an Island. The last thing he saw before passing out was the outline of a person and their Pokemon.


    _______________________

    How is it??? (All chapters won't be posted in black like this one^^)
    Last edited by Shatoshi; 20th February 2006 at 10:03 PM.

  2. #2
    Ember Guest

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    Not bad. I'm not a supporter of the ship, but the prolouge's pretty good.

  3. #3
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    Thanks Ember.....hope P_B replies soon^^

  4. #4
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    ..........

    Uhhmm.. no. I may not visit here often, but you are lacking a few details and it looks a tad rushed. ¬¬

    If it's a prologue, then it contains way too much information. It could work if you did something like, the past for the prologue then went to the present day for the first chapter, and so on.

    Along with that, you used too much periods. I believe it's been said in other fanfiction too; try to spell out the numbers, like one, two, three, and so on and so forth. Besides, it is better if you spell out the numbers instead.

    Dialogue; the one with Roxanne and Geodude are on one line. It's better if separate..

    Probably more, but I.. don't think I'll list them all. *scurries off* Don't pay attention if you don't want.. :O

    EDIT: And there is a lack of description or fillers.. yet you should also make readers be more eager to read the next few chapters. Like a cliff-hanger of some sort. Yet there were also excessive details or sentences put all together. Paragraphs exist, you know.
    Last edited by Angeling; 15th February 2006 at 12:39 AM.
    [IMG]http://i36.*******.com/1629qpx.jpg[/IMG]

  5. #5
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    ...Oooh. <3

    Me likey, me likey. I'm intriiiiiigued.



    Purrrrrrr.

  6. #6
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    I'm glad^^

  7. #7
    elementalmightyena Guest

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    nice,though I don't care for the shipping but it was still good

  8. #8
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    kay so here is the first chappy......

    Chapter 1- The Island

    “Hello……Hello……Hello?!” A voice asked as Morty came around, “Glad you’re okay, I’m Brawly the Dewford gymleader....aren’t you Roxanne’s cousin Morty from Eurateck City?” Morty saw a teen his age kneeling over him. He had spiky blue hair with matching blue surfer swimtrunks, white athletic sneakers and an orange muscle shirt over his well toned chest. Morty blushed realizing he was very hot.

    “Yeah, did my cousin tell you much about me?” Morty asked him.

    “Not much, but let’s get to know eachother since we’re gonna be here a while.” Brawly said happily, Morty on the other hand was confused which Brawly noticed so he began to explain. “The storm is caused by Kyogre, it will last 30 days. I was warned of this and I decided to take this as a chance to have some time alone, but I was feeling lonely until you arrived. And this place has food, pluming, beds, electricity, heating and all the good stuff we need………except walls.” Brawly said, sweatdropping on the last part. “And I know you’re gay…”

    “Ohh………” Morty said sadly, he was afraid that Brawly would think he was wired or something.

    “Don’t worry…………so……so am I…” Brawly said blushing. This made Morty blush too.

    “Y-you are?” Morty asked shyly.


    Yeah…………but why don’t I show you around?” Brawly asked, he then took him on a tour showing him the cave. First he showed him the kitchen were there was tons of food. They decided to eat so they let their Pokemon out. In a flash, Makuhita, Metidite, Machop, Ghastly, haunter and Misdreavus were out of their balls and hungry. Brawly then walked up to a two foot ledge the looked over a 25 by 25 foot Pokemon play area, to the left was a pink archway for girl Pokemon, to the right was a blue archway for boy Pokemon. Brawly whistled out and Pokemon came rushing out, there were tons like Beautifly, Wurmple, Geodude, Corphish, Poocheyena and tons more small Pokemon like that from all 3 regions. “There the Pokemon of Dewford Island that had nowhere to go before the storm.” Brawly explained to a confused Morty. The Pokemon began to eat from bowls scattered through the play area.

    “Well what else is there to see?” Morty asked.

    “Lots,” Brawly Said as they walked into a room with four waterbeds like they had in the 60’s. “This is were we’ll sleep.” Brawly explained.

    “What do you mean by sleep? Morty asked.

    “That depends on how we feel before bed.” Brawly said winking making Morty blush in shock. “Nah, I’m kidding!” Brawly said smiling. “Now let’s check out the spa.” He added before taking Morty in to the next room. It was a big hot springs pond that had a large rock in the center with a few trees and bushes on it there were also small rocks in the rest of the spring but there was one large opening that was perfect for diving because it was so deep.

    “Wow….this is awesome!” Morty gasped.

    “And in there are the showers.” Brawly said pointing to two doors, one pink one blue of course.

    ……………………………


    “Why do you have so much stuff here?” Morty asked “If you only come here sometimes then why so much stuff?” he added as they walked out of the training room and into the battle field room.

    “Because this Island is open to all the Gym Leaders and Elite Four members.” Brawly explained “When I don’t use it then I let the others use it as long as they take good care of the property.” They were now on their way through the lounge which had all kinds of games and stuff to do for all ages.

    “I think you are gonna like it here…” Brawly said smiling.

    So do I Brawly,” Morty said “so do I……”

    _____________
    how was it??? yeah its short but DEAL WITH IT ^^
    Last edited by Shatoshi; 20th February 2006 at 10:02 PM.

  9. #9
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    It's good, but still needs more lenth, but still it's good. ^^ Anyways, keep up the great work!

  10. #10
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    I know^^ but thanks ayways.....

  11. #11
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    okay people i JUST realized how hard it is to run TWO stories AND work on length....so I will ask Kiori to close this and i will make a new thread when I finish my AAMayL fic....

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