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Thread: Something Stupid (Contestshipping One-Shot Valentine’s Day Special)

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    Default Something Stupid (Contestshipping One-Shot Valentine’s Day Special)

    Something Stupid (Contestshipping One-Shot Valentine’s Day Special) Rated: U

    A/N: Inspired by the song ‘Something Stupid’ sang Robbie Williams and Nicole Kidman

    It was a sunny day at the Lilycove City shopping centre. Among the group of people that were shopping were three young teens, a kid no older than 10 and a small, yellow mouse called Pikachu. They came across a poster that read that the shopping centre would be holding up a raffle event the next day where one of the top prizes would be a romantic dinner for two.

    “Wow, Restaurant Lovehart,” a girl said enthusiastically. She was wearing a red bandanna, red jacket, white mini skirt and black shorts; her name was May. “I heard that it’s the most romantic around here. I wish I can be there with a cute guy.”

    “Well, you can participate if you want, May,” a boy next to her said. He was wearing a blue jumper and trousers, black and blue trainers, and a red and black cap. He also had a Pikachu riding on his shoulder. His name was Ash.

    He looked up to his taller friend, who had a brown jacket, jeans and a pair of blue trainers. He had small eyes, tanned skin and dark brown spiky hair. His name was Brock. “How about you participating as well, Brock,” Ash said teasingly, knowing what Brock normally did with pretty women.

    “I’m way ahead of you, Ash,” Brock replied enthusiastically. “I hope I get a chance to finally meet the girl of my dreams!”

    “Not much of a chance, I think,” a kid said as he continued reading the poster. He was wearing brown shorts, a green t-shirt and a pair of glasses. “There will be two kinds of raffle tickets. One bunch of tickets will for the boys and another bunch will be for the girls.”

    “Small chance there then,” Ash said. “Well, you can count me out. I’m not into that mushy stuff.”

    “It says that restaurant would also have an all-you-can-eat for the winners as well,” Max said.

    “Okay, I’m in,” Ash said quickly while Pikachu let out a small sigh, knowing how his human friend was like with food.


    The next day, many people were at the centre, buying their raffle tickets. The group bought a ticket each since everyone was allowed one ticket each.

    Almost everyone participating was anxious to meet the man or woman of their dreams. Some, like Ash, just wanted to go for the free food. The raffle started when a man in a suit walked up to the stage and to one of the small plastic barrels being held by a couple of stands on each side.

    After he finished hosting and announcing, he commenced rolling the barrel while everyone waited. After he finished rolling, he opened up the barrel’s hatch and took out a small ticket and read the numbers on it.

    Everyone looked at their respective tickets. May’s eyes widened with joy when she saw her winning numbers matched. “I won!” she cried happily. “I won! I won! I won!”

    “Way to go, May,” Ash said happily, patting her on the back.

    “Ah-ha!” the host said. “We have one of the winners! Come up on stage, ma’am!”

    May quickly made her way to the stage, pushing a lot of people aside. When she got on the stage, she showed the ticket to the host to prove that she won. “Very well done,” the host said enthusiastically. “Now would you like to play your chance to find your dream man and roll the barrel?”

    “Yeah sure,” May said as she started rolling the other barrel. After a few seconds, she stopped rolling. The host opened the hatch, took out a ticket out of the barrel and read out the winning numbers aloud. “Does someone have that winning number?” he asked.

    “I do,” a voice said. It was a voice that was very familiar to May. They turned towards a young man who had green hair and eyes, he was wearing a purple jacket with a black shirt underneath, and he was also wearing blue jeans and black shoes.

    “Oh my... gosh...” May thought in slight surprise. “Drew…”

    “Hello, May,” Drew said smugly.

    May turned toward her friends, not knowing what to do. With surprised looks on their faces, they gave small shrugs showing they hadn't either. She then turned towards Drew and let out a small sigh. “Wow,” she thought blushing slightly. “This is... something.”

    I know I stand in line
    Until you think you have the time
    To spend an evening with me
    And if we go someplace to dance
    I know that there's a chance
    You won't be leaving with me

    That night at the restaurant, May was sitting at a circular table covered by a white table cloth. She was wearing a red, sparkling, beautiful dress that reached down to her ankles. In addition, a pair of red high heeled shoes accommodated her feet. Inside, the restaurant contained a large number of assorted items: tables, chairs, and the occasional tropical potted-plant. The red carpet, walls, and high ceiling were also an addition to the lavish display. Apart from her and a few waiters being there, the place was empty because that was part of the prize.

    As she sat and waited, she thought numerous thoughts about her past encounters with her upcoming date, Drew. They normally met at various pokemon contests where their pokemon participated to perform astonishing stunts to amaze the audience. Whether Drew or May won or lost a contest, he always gave her a rose as a token of unknown appreciation. He often mentioned that the rose was for Beautifly but May thought that it may be for her.

    After some waiting her date had arrived, presenting himself wearing a tuxedo and a rose in hand. “Hello, Madam,” Drew said bowing politely to her.

    “Well, Drew,” May said, impressed by Drew’s tuxedo. “Something different tonight I take it?”

    “Well, I do my best,” Drew said as a waiter pulled his chair backwards, allowing him to take the seat. “After all, I’m good at first impressions when it comes to restaurants unlike some people.”

    “Who do you mean?” May asked with her eyes narrowing at him, thinking that Drew might’ve been mocking her.

    Drew placed his finger vertically on his lips in response. “I’m just teasing, sweetheart,” he said as the waiter delivered some menus to them. May blinked a few times with surprise when he said the word sweetheart.

    I can see it in your eyes
    That you despise the same old lines
    You heard the night before
    And though it's just a line to you
    For me it's true
    And never seemed so right before

    After having a delicious dinner and desert, a popular love song started to play. Drew stood from his seat and offered her a dance by bowing to her politely, which May accepted by also bowing to him politely and gracefully.

    Drew grasped May’s hand gently and took her to the dancing floor of the restaurant. They held each other by the hands as they danced slowly to the rhythm of the song as a popular singer sang his lyrics.

    Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place
    And have a drink or two
    And then I go and spoil it all
    By saying something stupid
    Like I love you

    They both looked at each other with small blushes on their faces despite that no one else was there; only waiters and waitresses minding their own business as they continued with their daily work or just watching because they had nothing to do.

    Both trainers had something to say to each other but they wanted to say something special, and not just the simplest three words that were always so hard for them to say.

    I practice every day to find some clever lines to say
    To make the meaning come true
    But then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late
    And I'm alone with you

    When the song ended, they stopped dancing and decided to call it a night for they had to wake up early the next day to go on their separate adventures. Drew took May by the hand and they walked out of the restaurant, with one of the waiters thanking them for dining at their restaurant and wishing them a pleasant night.

    After a long and quiet walk, with May holding Drew by the arm they made it to the Pokemon Centre where he took her to a borrowed room where her friends were staying for the day.

    “Goodnight, Drew,” May said as she went to open her door.

    “Wait a second, May,” Drew said as he took out a rose out of his pocket. “A present. Just to say thank you.”

    “Thank you,” May said with a blush as she accepted the flower. “And here’s another one,” she continued before pressing her lips on his cheek, slightly surprising him.

    Drew showed a small blush while May entered her room, winking at her stylish rival. Drew began to slowly walk away while uttering the words, “I love you.” If only he could’ve said it to her face.

    “Did you say something?” a familiar voice said, surprising Drew from behind.

    “Um… no, I didn’t say anything,” Drew replied, trying to act cool as he walked away in a calm fashion.

    “Well, goodnight,” May said before closing her door.

    The time is right
    Your perfume fills my head
    The stars get red
    And oh the night's so blue
    And then I go and spoil it all
    By saying something stupid
    Like I love you

    She leaned on the door, let out a small sigh, thinking of the three simplest words that she would one day say to him…

    I love you...


    END! Happy Valentine, people!
    Last edited by Brian Random; 24th February 2006 at 11:31 AM. Reason: Proofreading
    Formerly known as Brian Powell

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    Thanks for the card, Skiks
    Pokemon Impact (PG13):
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    Starring Black Jack, a veteran pokemon trainer who saves the lives of others while breaking necks of his enemies in cold blood. You want action? You got action!
    (Continue or Reboot? That is the question.)

    Goldenrod High (Chaptered Comedy Multishipping fic PG13) Updated: 02/12/09
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  2. #2
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    *rushes in* Sorry Brian (hey thats my cousins name^^) I guess I ought to review scince I like the ship.....definetly one of the longer...and more romantic ones^^...

  3. #3
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    I really liked this. I love Contestshipping and this seems really realistic, almost like it could fit into the storyline. I love it ^^
    (image beautifully drawn by pixiv user id #45323)
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    Super this marks the first contest-shipping fic I have ever finnished! I listened to the song at the same time as reading it too.
    AAML forever! Im out of things to say.

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    Aww... Valentine's fic! There were few errors and it was cute overall; good job! ^_^ Yay for Contestshipping! Though I must point something out... If May or Drew said, "I love you", how would that make either of them sound stupid? Oh well. Yay for being a song-fic as well!

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    Shatoshi: I take it that you’re a big May fan and I also take it that you like this one the most.

    Mimori Kiryu: Thanks. Do you know what the funny thing is? Because I don’t have the channel to watch the anime, I don’t know much about Drew apart from the fact he can be arrogant when it comes to contests but I heard some shipping between those two, especially when it comes to roses.

    Tazz: Coolio. Well, it would be obvious that you would finish this fic straight away because this is a one-shot, a one chaptered fic.

    Brioche: Thanks to you too but if there were some errors then can you point them out thanks? You mentioned about this…
    If May or Drew said, "I love you", how would that make either of them sound stupid?
    Oh, that doesn’t sound stupid. It’s the question of when and how they say it. ^^
    Last edited by Brian Random; 24th February 2006 at 11:31 AM.
    Formerly known as Brian Powell

    Check these out:

    Thanks for the card, Skiks
    Pokemon Impact (PG13):
    Series: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 (Cancelled)

    Starring Black Jack, a veteran pokemon trainer who saves the lives of others while breaking necks of his enemies in cold blood. You want action? You got action!
    (Continue or Reboot? That is the question.)

    Goldenrod High (Chaptered Comedy Multishipping fic PG13) Updated: 02/12/09
    Who says school is just for learning? ^^

    Check out my other stories, and everyone else's in the Completed Fics forum!

    Been doing some singing and voice impressions too! Check me out at the Brian Random Channel Thread!

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brian Powell
    Brioche: Thanks to you too but if there were some errors then can you point them out thanks?
    They're pretty much minor errors but.. Okay! ^_^

    Quote Originally Posted by Something Stupid
    Among the group of people that were shopping were three young teens, a kid no older than ten and a small yellow mouse Pikachu.
    Okay, there's this number rule thing I learned about previously. Numbers below 10 should always be spelled out, though numbers 10 and over should be written as numerals:

    Among the group of people that were shopping were three young teens, a kid no older than 10 and a small yellow mouse Pikachu.

    Though if a sentence starts with a number over 10, you write it out.

    (ie: Thirty Pikachu hopped over the fence.)

    "Small yellow mouse Pikachu" should be, "small, yellow mouse, called Pikachu." You're listing attributes, and I don't think "Pikachu" would be considered a characteristic.

    Moving on.

    They came across a poster that says that they would be holding up a raffle event the next day where one of the top prize would be a romantic dinner for two.
    "Says" should be "said" (past tense). Or better yet, use "read", posters aren't known to talk.

    "They" should be an actual name. Specifying the name of WHO makes it clearer than just using a pronoun.

    "Prize" should be "prizes".

    “Well, you can participate if you want, May,” a boy next to her said. He was wearing a blue jumper and trousers, black and blue trainers, a red and black cap. He also had Pikachu riding on his shoulder. His name was Ash.
    He was wearing a blue jumper and trousers, black and blue trainers, and a red and black cap.

    Well, since some people might not know who Pikachu is, you'd probably be better off saying:

    He also had a Pikachu riding on his shoulder.

    He looked up to his taller friend, who had a brown jacket, jeans and a pair of blue trainers. He had small eyes, tanned skin and dark brown spiky hair. His name was Brock. “How about you participating as well, Brock,” Ash said teasingly, knowing what Brock normally does with pretty women.
    It should be, "knowing what Brock normally did with pretty women." Again with the tenses.

    “Not much of a chance, I think,” the kid said as he continued reading the poster. He was wearing brown shorts, a green t-shirt and a pair of glasses. “There will be two kinds of raffle tickets. One bunch of tickets will for the boys and another bunch will be for the girls.”
    It should read:

    "Not much of a chance, I think," a kid said as he continued reading the poster.

    Because Max is being introduced, he should be stated as "a kid", otherwise the line implies that Ash is still talking.

    And you need to add the word, "be" in between "will" and "for".

    “Okay, I’m in,” Ash said quickly while Pikachu let out a small sigh, knowing what his human friend is like with food.
    If you wanted it clearer and corrected, it should read:

    "Okay, I'm in," Ash said quickly while Pikachu let out a small sigh, knowing how his human friend was like with food.

    May quickly made her way to the stage, pushing a lot of people aside. When she got on the stage, she showed the ticket to the host to prove evidence that she won. “Very well done,” the host said enthusiastically. “Now would you like to play your chance to find your dream man and roll the barrel?”
    The word "evidence" isn't needed. It's more understandable if you omit it.

    “Yeah sure,” May said as she started rolling the other barrel. After a few seconds, she stopped rolling. The host opened the hatch and took out a ticket out of the barrel and read out the winning numbers. “Does someone have that winning number?” he asked.
    The bolded line needs commas and seems partially redundant. To appear clearer, it should read:

    The host opened the hatch, took out a ticket from the barrel, and read aloud the winning numbers.

    You can't really "read out" something, yes?

    In the last line the host should say "winning numbers" because there was more than one number.

    “I do,” a voice said. It was a voice that was very familiar to May. They turned towards a young man who had green hair and eyes, he was wearing a purple jacket with a black shirt underneath, he was also wearing blue jeans and black shoes.
    You should include "and" after the comma following "underneath".

    May turned towards her friends, not knowing what to do, nor did her friends as they each showed a small shrug with surprised looks on their faces also. She then turned towards Drew and let out a small sigh. “Wow,” she thought blushing slightly. “This is... something.”
    As those retarded Mastery Tests I get often say, "This sentence is poorly written."

    It should read:

    May turned toward her friends, not knowing what to do. With surprised looks on their faces, they gave small shrugs showing they hadn't either.

    That night at the restaurant, May was sitting at a circular table covered by a white table cloth. She was wearing a red sparkling and beautiful dress that reached down to her ankles and pair of red high heeled shoes. Inside the restaurant had a large number of tables and chairs, it also had a red carpet, walls and ceiling and tropical potted plants placed in various places. Apart from her and a few waiters being there, the place was empty because that was part of the prize.
    Should read:

    She was wearing a red, sparkling, beautiful dress, that reached down to her ankles. In addition, a pair of red high heeled shoes accommodated her feet.

    Eh.. Something along those lines. As for the second bolded sentence:

    Inside, the restaurant contained a large number of assorted items: tables, chairs, and the occasional tropical potted-plant. The red carpet, walls, and high ceiling were also an addition to the lavish display.

    A bit detailed, but you can't cram everything together in one sentence.

    As she sat and waited, she thought numerous thoughts about her past encounters with her upcoming date, Drew. They normally met at various pokemon contests where their pokemon [B]participate[B] to perform astonishing stunts to amaze the audience. Whether Drew or May win or lose a contest, Drew always gives May a rose as a token of unknown appreciation. He often mentioned that the rose was for Beautifly but May thought that it may be for her.
    *sigh* More tenses.

    "Participate" should be "participated".

    "Win or lose" should be "Won or lost".

    "Gives" should be "gave".

    “Who do you mean?” May asked with her eyes narrowing at him, thinking that Drew may be mocking her.
    "May be" should be "might've been".

    They both looked at each other with small blushes on their faces despite that no one else was there, only waiters and waitresses minding their own business as they continued with their daily work or just watching because they had nothing to do.
    It'd look better if you separated between a few stops. If you continuously list in a sentence, you may lose the readers' interest.

    Both trainers had something to say to each other but they wanted to say something special, and not just the simplest three words that are always so hard for them to say.
    Are is present tense. In this case you should use "were".

    When the song, they stopped dancing and decided to call it a night for they had to wake up early the next day to go on their separate adventures. Drew took May by the hand and they walked out of the restaurant, with one of the waiters thanking them for dining at their restaurant and wishing them a pleasant night.
    It should be, "When the song ended," et cetera.

    Again, you shouldn't try combining everything in one sentence. Don't make sentences too short either, though.

    After a long and quiet walk, with May holding Drew by the arm they made it to the pokemon centre where he took her to a borrowed room where her friends were staying for the day.
    You could've made two separate sentences from this paragraph. Also, "Pokemon Center" should be capitalized because it's the name of a place.

    “Thank you,” May said with a blush as she accepted the flower. “And here’s another one,” she contnued before pressing her lips on his cheek, slightly surprising him.
    "Contnued" should be "continued".

    Drew showed a small blush while May entered her room, winking at her stylish rival. Drew began to slowly walkeaway while uttering the words, “I love you.” If only he could’ve said it to her face.
    I'm not sure, but shouldn't "walkeaway" be spelled "walk away"?

    *gasp* And there you go. Simple spelling and grammatical errors that should be corrected. I must say, before you give another story a bad "grade", I advise you brush up on your skills. Just kidding. Great job with the story though, I loved the last line. -^_^- *dies from reading exhaustion*

  8. #8
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    Something Stupid:

    Misty_Aquamaster: Thanks, MA. One of the best, you say? Double thank you. ^^

    Brioche: o_o;; Wow! You spotted all of these? Can you wait for a sec…?

    Okay, feeling better. Let me make confession about why there were mistakes…
    1. It was pretty late while I was writing this.
    2. There are a lot of things on my mind, such as uni work.
    3. I’m only human. Humans make mistakes.

    Still, thank you very for spotting them. Highly appreciate that. *Goes to proofread*
    Formerly known as Brian Powell

    Check these out:

    Thanks for the card, Skiks
    Pokemon Impact (PG13):
    Series: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 (Cancelled)

    Starring Black Jack, a veteran pokemon trainer who saves the lives of others while breaking necks of his enemies in cold blood. You want action? You got action!
    (Continue or Reboot? That is the question.)

    Goldenrod High (Chaptered Comedy Multishipping fic PG13) Updated: 02/12/09
    Who says school is just for learning? ^^

    Check out my other stories, and everyone else's in the Completed Fics forum!

    Been doing some singing and voice impressions too! Check me out at the Brian Random Channel Thread!

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brian Powell
    Still, thank you very for spotting them. Highly appreciate that. *Goes to proofread*
    You're welcome. I know humans make mistakes... It's just that I'm a perfectionist. >_> I constantly edit stuff.

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