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Thread: Metamorphosis

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    Default Metamorphosis

    Well, I’ll just say right now that Metamorphosis is turning out to be quite a bit…longer than I had expected. It’s still going to be a short story, just a bit longer than intended, and still going to be divided into three phases, Childhood, Adolescence, and Adulthood... just with a little bit more stuff than was previously planned.

    Note that this story is extremely character-driven and oriented . There’s no spectacular ‘save the world’ plot, or anything like that. It’s also written in a different POV and style – hopefully that won’t deter you from reading. You might call this an Original Trainer, as it does have some of the same characteristics and such, but the story really isn't about the training, badge earning, and the like.

    The story itself is rated ‘PG’ just for safety, and will go no higher than PG-13.

    Comments, critiques, etc. are appreciated and welcomed. Don’t hesitate to point out any typos – as due to the length of this chapter, and I am quite sure I missed some.. and just because I have a horrid proof-reading eye. ^_^ Also note that one or two things which might count as mistakes, are on purpose. (As a hint, they’ll be in italics.)

    Also note that in the first stage, that I’m trying to portray young characters to the best of my ability – so their mannerisms and such will be as close to their age group (hopefully right on) as I can manage them. If you feel that they are not acting as they should, please don’t hesitate to say so. Thank you.

    +PM List+

    Sike Saner
    Pinecone Tortoise
    Bigbrother87
    Airdragon
    Serpent Syra
    Bay
    Hanako Tabris
    Psychic Umbreon
    Imperial_Furret
    Timid Kyogre
    Blueysicle


    +Chapter Index+

    [Stage 1: Childhood]

    Changing Circumstances
    Changing Circumstances Pt. II
    Changing Perceptions
    Changing Perceptions Pt. II
    Changing Skies

    Metamorphosis

    By: Saffire Persian

    [Stage 1: Childhood]

    Changing Circumstances

    Childhood is a fleeting thing,
    Looking back on the Past with no regret,
    Looking at the Future as little but a dream for another day,
    Living in the Here and Now for only a small time,
    So hold onto it while you can…


    You are running quickly, caring only that you put as much distance from between you and your cousin as possible. You can still hear her counting up to one hundred like you made her, though, knowing your cousin, she doesn’t always play fair. She thinks she does, but she’s stupid in that way. In a game of ring toss, she insisted she had won because she had gotten all the rings on the hooks, but the truth of the matter was she only got them on the hooks because she had walked right up to the devices you threw the rings on and dropped the rings onto them.

    Her parents and your parents praised her for her ingenuity (Dad said that meant ‘smart’) and creativity.

    You just called her stupid.

    That, and a no good liar-cheater.

    Because of the memory, you run all the more faster, glaring back in the direction where she should be standing, a scowl creeping onto your features.

    Stella is your cousin after all. And as your cousin, she’s bound to cheat.

    (But the Viridian Forest has many places to hide.)

    You haven’t been here much since your mother watches you like a hawk; but you do know that the small forest offers many nooks and crannies to hide in… you might even find something special while you’re at it. You’ve heard the stories that float around school about all the ‘mysterious treasures’ around here, hidden in secret passageways, enclosed in orbs that look like Pokéballs… The forest holds every ingredient for an adventure for a kid such as yourself, and you have even gone on one or two ‘secret’ outings with a few kids from school, searching for treasure.

    But at the moment, treasure hunting is not a part of your eight-year-old agenda. Hiding is, and hiding fast. You can’t hear Stella counting anymore, and because she likes to talk loudly, you know that the reason you can’t hear her counting anymore isn’t because you’re too far away.

    You snort in indignation. She didn’t even get to twenty-five! The nerve of her!

    Trying to make as little noise as possible, you dart down the brown path, spotting a likely bunch of berry bushes just in front of you, surrounded by a few trees. Thick and bushy, it’s as good of a place as any to hide.

    “Whhherreee areeee you?! Come out! Come out! Wherever you are! Twenty-one! Ninety-nine! ONE HUNDRED!”

    Bottling down the urge to yell at your cousin (and shamelessly tell her that she’s the biggest cheater you’ve ever seen ever), you decide to tell her she’s a big cheater only after she gives up, and only then. You then dive into the berry bushes without hesitation (though you’re still fuming; she needs to play fair!), wrinkling your nose at the overwhelming berry-smell. Pleasant as it may be, it’s stifling to you.

    Well, she won’t be able to smell me, then, you think.

    Hunkering down amidst the leafy foliage, you watch (well you try to watch, you can’t exactly see much from where you are) and try to listen to what your cousin is doing; from the sound of her voice, she’s walking away.

    Good, you can find another hiding place if needs be. It’s not cheating, and even if it is, if she can cheat, so can you. Fair is fair, right?

    As her voice fades away into the forest, your heartbeat slows its desperate pounding and your breathing slows. Not wanting to be seen, you crawl across the ground on your hands and knees, blissfully unaware on how much anguish you will probably cause your mother when you come home, clothes worn and dirty.

    Squirming through a rather dense patch, your face peeks out of the bushes, your eyes furtively darting left and right. A large shape suddenly fills the whole of your vision, its large, black eyes boring into yours. A split-second later, when your brain has finally registered what exactly is going on, you scream. You scream as loud as you possibly can, holding nothing back.

    You stop screaming abruptly.

    Not because of someone coming to your rescue, but because at the moment you began screaming the bug (which you now recognize as a Caterpie) started screaming too, high-pitched and shrill. However, unlike you, it shows no signs of stopping. All you can do is stare and blink as its black eyes go as wide as saucepans while it rises up on its green body like snake Pokémon would.

    Suddenly, its eyes roll to the back of its head, and it topples straight onto its back. It doesn’t move, and it isn’t screaming anymore. Hesitantly, you poke it; it’s as stiff as a plank of wood.

    A plethora of emotions surge through your mind, confusion and horror becoming the most prominent of them all. You didn’t kill it, did you? You didn’t mean to. You certainly didn’t want to. That doesn’t make this your fault does it?

    Nuh’uh, you tell yourself. It’s not dead. Just fainted. Like on TV.

    Pokémon do that all the time, right?

    Yeah, that’s right.

    Your little frame heaves with relief and you laugh nervously, wondering how in the world you could’ve been scared of such a diminutive creature. It’s not big like the Caterpie you’ve seen before, so it must be young like you are...it’s tiny enough you could probably squish under your shoe. (Not like you’d want to.) You’re not a scardy-cat like Mom is. She’s the scardy-cat when it comes to bugs, she’s the one who’d have a fit.

    Still… the Caterpie hasn’t moved a muscle. And even though it has only fainted (You think. You know. You want to hope.) it still worries you. So, you decide to talk to it. Maybe it can hear you or something. You start with an apology – that usually works the first time.

    “M’sorry that I scared you: I promise I’m not a monster or nothing like that...” You then add out of inspiration: “You scared me, too.”

    It doesn’t move. You shift into a sitting position as you clear the bushes, rather frustrated. Why isn’t it waking up now? You apologized – wait! You think you saw one eye just open – just for a few seconds -- before snapping closed. The response is heartening, but it confuses you all the same. Maybe you’re have a hallucinwhatits… well, whatever it’s called. You’ll think of it later.

    Again, you poke it to see if you get a response; it’s still stiff.

    “Wake up!” you say, this time louder. You wait. There it is again! The eye opened. This time, you’re sure of it. It didn’t faint – it’s just playing dead! That makes you furious. It’s just like Stella with its tricks. That’s not fair – and it’s not right! You were worried. You’re not worried anymore, but still…

    “You’re just playin’ dead! I saw you! I saw you, I did!” you tell the Caterpie, making sure your tone is as annoyed as it can get, folding your arms for emphasis. Both saucepan-eyes open. It’s watching you now. Good. “You’re being mean, you know. I’m not sorry anymore!”

    Slowly, the Caterpie curls up onto its back. It looks confused, and rolls over onto its stomach. “Pri? Catrrr prii?” It makes no movement to run, so you continue on your little tirade, spilling your heart out with no regret to the consequences that might happen later on.

    “That’s right, you were being naughty! You’re not supposed to trick people! My mom says that tricking people's bad. She gets mad at Dad for it allll the time! She says it’s a no-no, so what you’re doing is bad.”

    (The fact that it playing dead came naturally to it never occurred to you.)

    You stare at it, noticing that there are tears pricking at the corners of the bug’s eyes, and it actually looks genuinely sorry… or maybe it’s just scared of you again. That thought in itself makes you feel bad.

    You sigh. “I guess I’m sorry again if you’re sorry. So… you sorry?”

    It nods.

    “Then I’m sorry. I forgive you for your trick, but –“ You waggle a finger in its direction. “--don’t do it again, ‘k?”

    You’re not sure how much the Caterpie understands, but you think it understands enough, and you reach out a hand tentatively to pet it to show that you're sorry and aren’t going to hurt it. It doesn’t screech or run away as you reach out your hand, patting it on the head. It seems to rather enjoy it, judging from the happy sound coming out of its throat.

    (After all, you haven’t rushed at it, and haven’t tried to eat it or squish it under your shoe, and you’ve apologized, so why should it?)

    “Sqrepi?”

    You blink. Once, twice.

    “Catrsqi?”

    Your face scrunches up in thought, as you try to make sense of the thing’s gibberish as it tries to talk to you. You think you can understand some things, and you know it’s trying to ask you something, but its gibberish is starting to sound like the noises your baby cousin garbles. You freeze.

    Cousin.

    The Caterpie seems to notice your surprise and flinches, inching back a few paces, but it doesn’t run away. Then you hear a familiar voice yelling through the trees. She had to have heard your scream. Great. You have to find somewhere else to hide, fast, or she’ll find you, and you really don’t want to lose.

    You move backwards into the bushes abruptly, and the Caterpie squeals in fright, searching about frantically. You peek your head out of the bush, hearing your cousin’s voice coming closer and closer. “I need to hide!” you whisper for the bug-type’s benefit. “She’ll find me! Sorry. But I’ve gotta go.”

    “Catr? Pi?” To your surprise, the bug has approached you on its own accord, rising on its long body to try and look at you on your level. It looks rather concerned as it ***** its head, a small growlish sound radiating from its throat.

    A loud yell disturbs you: it’s your cousin shouting your name.

    “Sqrratar?”

    “Ehh…” your face twists in confusion as you try to make sense of what’s being said. “Umm.. Yeah, that’s who I’m hidin’ from if that’s what y’mean.”

    As you make a move to retreat further into the bushes, you see that the caterpillar's following, nudging you with its head. You ignore it and begin to disappear deeper into the only concealment you have. It pursues you into the next small clearing as you look left and right, deciding which way to go. It then takes the opportunity to dart in front of you, hopping up and down.

    “Capi. Sqrea! Catrrrrr!”

    With your attention caught, it stops and begins to crawl in the opposite direction, peering over its shoulder. It makes another odd noise, an insistent one. Maybe… it wants you to follow it?

    Your cousin’s voice is getting closer and your heart quickens as you begin to panic, Stella's voice too close for your own comfort. Oddly, the Caterpie looks rather frantic too. It’s jumping up and down again, squeaking.

    (It is almost as if it is saying ‘Come on! Come on!’)

    “You know somewhere I can hide?”

    It nods quickly. Once. Twice. Thrice. And with a nervous ‘squee’ it bolts through the bushes.

    For something so small, it sure is fast. You wince; knowing you can’t keep up with it; you can’t exactly stand up and run, because Stella’ll see you for sure. So, you’ll have to trudge it, carefully, cautiously.

    You set off in the caterpillar’s wake, crawling as fast as you dare through the foliage, dirt, and berries, trying your best to keep up with the bug Pokémon. You can’t really move that fast, crawling on your hands and knees like you are: the bushes slow you down and they rustle when you go through them so you have to move slowly in order for you to make as little noise as possible. Luckily for you, the Caterpie notices you’re having trouble, and slows down by a large amount, allowing you to keep up.

    When you finally clear the veritable “forest” of bushes, you spot the Caterpie just in time to see it dart into a opening underneath the roots of a rather old looking tree. It’s a rather large gap, looking as if it had been dug out by a Pikachu or something. Maybe the gap’s big enough (and deep enough) for you to squeeze through. Just maybe… just maybe you can fit.

    Looking over your shoulder, you become determined. You’re going to try; Stella’s not going to win this round. You’re not gonna to let her.

    Somehow, you manage to fit underneath the tree, but the space is cramped so you’re forced to curl up in a tight ball like a cat just to fit. There’s enough room for the Caterpie to fit too. It's pacing around in a tight circle nervously –even more so when Stella’s voice periodically filters through the forest.

    You frown. “Stella’s not that scary, you know. Well…” You pause. “…she can be a little bit scary sometimes. She’s kinda like a bird, I guess: throw her a worm or something she likes and she’s nice enough until she wants another one...” you pause again, only realizing your mistake after the Caterpie squeaks in fright, looking more nervous than ever. You hurry to correct your faux pas, though the damage has already been done. “Umm… maybe she’s like a cat, she likes them better. Yeah…”

    The Caterpie doesn’t seem that assured, and goes completely still, like it did before when it was playing dead. You hear Stella moving in your direction – she’s really making no attempt whatsoever to keep quiet. You mimic the Caterpie’s posture, going completely rigid. You hold breath and count to ten, breathing again only when her voice fades away enough to feel safe.

    “So,” you say quietly, “this your house?”

    It nods.

    “It’s kinda small. Is there someplace bigger?”

    It ***** its head, and thinks for a moment.

    “Pi.” Nod.

    Slowly, it creeps out from underneath tree roots, and you can hear it move through the berry bushes as you began the rather arduous task of getting out from underneath the tree. You only just manage to get your head out into clean air before you spot something white colored dart past you. It’s a bird – not one of the small ones you see around your yard from time to time, but a bigger one you’ve only seen once or twice in the fields. You think you remember you dad calling it a Pidgeotto.

    A terrified squeal disrupts your thoughts, and you spot the Caterpie’s long, green body running back through bushes toward you with the Pidgeotto in fast, eager pursuit.

    The bird looks absolutely murderous, and your need no incentive to pull back into the den while the Caterpie scurries in from another (smaller) opening by where your feet are. The Pidgeotto doesn’t waste any time trying to dive in after the bug, but a well placed kick with your foot wards the tawny-feathered creature off.

    “Otto!” it hisses venomously, glaring at the both of you through the gap. It hops backwards on its talons, surveying the situation with keen, golden eyes.

    A moment later, it hops backwards a few more paces and begins to flap its wings with great, powerful thrusts. The thrusts send waves of dust, dirt, bits of foliage, and even a few small rocks into your hiding place without an ounce of mercy. The Pidgeotto is clearly trying to force you – or more specifically the Caterpie – out.

    The airborne mix of dirt and other particles is making it hard to breathe, and every breath makes you sneeze or cough, and the sharper bits blown in from the Pidgeotto’s Gust stings any part of your body that’s uncovered. Even worse, you can’t see, having already had the sense to bury your face within your arms. Despite this, the Caterpie still manages to scream in absolute terror, which to you is far worse than what the Pidgeotto is flinging at you.

    “Leave us alone!” you manage to yell, before the dirt forces its way down your throat, stifling your voice and making you choke.

    “Pigit!” it hisses again, menacingly, but it doesn’t stop. In fact, the attacks seem to intensify.

    “Stop it!”

    This time, you hear the bird cry out in pain, and the Gust stops. You open your eyes just in time to see the Pidgeotto spin around as a rock lands near its taloned feet, making it jump back. Its feathers flare, and it squawks at something you cannot see.

    “Leave him alone, you stupid, no-good birdbrain!”

    It’s Stella’s voice.

    At her voice, you slowly start to creep out from underneath the tree again, spotting your cousin. She looks determined and certainly quite a bit miffed, holding a small rock in her palm. The Pidgeotto is still refusing to leave its spot, flapping its wings in warning and screeching fit to burst. Stella is by no means intimidated by the gesture.

    You shake your head, and Caterpie appears beside you, watching the confrontation from behind your shoulder.

    “Leave him alone,” your cousin repeats. The Pidgeotto isn’t happy at this, glaring vehemently at your cousin as she glares back with her usual, stubborn look, beginning to toss the rock up at down. The Pidgeotto puffs itself up, wings spread…

    … Only to be hit in the head with another well-aimed rock a second later as Stella reiterates her command, telling it adamantly to shut up (a word she uses quite often) on the side. This time, the Pidgeotto looks a bit hesitant and its screeches fade in volume.

    The Caterpie, meanwhile, is looking back and forth between human and bird with unconcealed amazement while also looking very much alarmed. Stella herself has picked up another rock from the ground, continuing to yell at the bird before unexpectedly charging with a loud and very much ungirlish roar that sends the Caterpie fleeing back into its hiding place.

    (If you didn’t know Stella as well as you do, perhaps you would have, too.)

    The bird, in the meantime, is staring in shocked silence at the feral, beastly sound your cousin emitted. It quickly comes out of its reverie, squawking in surprise and irritation as it is forced to hurriedly backtrack on ungainly legs away from your charging cousin. Stella shows no signs of stopping, eventually making the screeching bird turn ‘round and take wing.

    As soon as it’s up in the air, Stella launches her last rock. Stella has always had a good aim – and the next shot proves it, missing the Pidgeotto by only a small margin.

    Defeated, the Pidgeotto gives back one last, baleful glance, before fleeing in the other direction with all the dignity it can muster.

    With the bird gone, you take the chance to pull your body fully out of your temporary hiding place, standing up and brushing a dirt off your t-shirt and pants. You’re a complete mess, covered from head to toe with all the grime and dirt the Pidgeotto was gracious enough to throw at you.

    You barely have time to compose yourself before Stella places herself right in front of you, her smile one that would put an Aipom to shame.

    “I could’ve got it myself,” you say off-handedly, not liking the way she’s smiling at you at all; it’s rather unnerving, to tell the truth.

    “You’re okay, then?”

    “Of course I am,” you grumble, “I’m not a baby, you know.”

    “Good!” she shouts, her smile growing wider before tackling you unceremoniously to the ground, making a ‘victory’ sign with her fingers. “Then I found you! I win, I win, I win!”

    “You did not! You cheated!” you yell angrily. “Get off of me!”

    She doesn’t budge, though she does sound a bit offended. “I didn’t cheat. I did exactly as you said.”

    “You didn’t count to one hundred. You cheated!”

    “I did not!” Stella exclaims. “I counted to one hundred, I just did it faster than you by not saying all the numbers.”

    An uncharacteristic growl makes its way out of your throat, but you don’t care. “You’re the biggest cheater ever! Now get off of me!”

    She shifts into a sitting position, still perched atop your back, making sure to meet your eyes as her grin goes rather lopsided. “You’re just a sore loser, and,” she adds, “you scream like a sissy.”

    That was the last straw. You are not a sissy – no way, no how.

    “I’m not a sissy!” you yell loudly, this time making a more active attempt to throw Stella off your back, absolutely furious at the unwritten rule that you do not, under any circumstance, hit girls.

    Normally, the taboo doesn’t bother you at all – but with Stella… there’s no words to describe how much you hate the rule. She’s nice a lot of a time and fun to be around when she’s not being a cheater or a liar, and that’s why you hang around with her. But even memories of times like that don’t stop you from wanting to explode and do something to retaliate. Stella tends to have that effect on you when she wants to; she’s able to bring out the side of yours that few people can. (Your dad says that it’s your ‘mother’s side’.)

    In your opinion, she can take the most sane and patient of people and turn them in to raging, roaring monsters – with her not batting an eye during the process. She knows how to push your buttons, and do it well, even if, at times, it’s not intentional.

    In the end, you manage to calm yourself, though the observant of eye would have noticed your eyebrows twitching madly in rebellion.

    “I don’t scream…like a sissy.”

    “Uh’huh. I heard you – that’s how I found you.”

    You stop your struggling, your eyes narrowing as you look toward your old hiding place where a very noticeable green head is sticking out, watching you. “That wasn’t me, it was the Caterpie!”

    Your cousin ***** her head in confusion, and you finally have the opportunity to throw her off balance and, most importantly, off your back.

    “Caterpie?”

    You point towards the tree as you stand up, and the Caterpie’s head disappears back into the darkness as quickly as it had appeared.

    Stella frowns. “I don’t see one.”

    “That’s because it’s hiding,” you tell her, adding, “stupid.”

    Of course, Stella never responds to that. You don’t think she really cares, but you call her that anyway.

    “Oh… just watch! Caterpie!” Slowly, the Caterpie’s head emerges from beneath the tree roots once more, looking at Stella with a rather frightened expression. It then looks to you, then to Stella again in apparent confusion. “I’m not hiding from her anymore,” you tell it. “She’s not gonna hurt you. She’s not gonna eat you either.”

    This time, it’s your cousin’s turn to look confused, and you decide it’s best not to tell her what you said to the Caterpie about her. She’d just get mad and hit you with her fist or a small rock -- whichever one comes to her mind first. You’ve gotten plenty of bruises from her to prove it, too; she likes to throw stuff a little too much.

    “See,” you say.

    “Fine. You don’t scream like a sissy.”

    At that, you grin triumphantly and the Caterpie takes the opportunity to scuttle out the hollow and behind your legs.

    “I was saving it from the bird. It was going to eat it.”

    Your cousin rolls her eyes, before kneeling down to the Caterpie’s level. It backs away, an odd gurgle making its way out of its throat. “Well, what’re you gonna to do with it?”

    You shrug. “What d’you mean, ‘what am I going to do with it’?

    “The Pidgeotto might come back, then it’ll get eaten –” The Caterpie’s expression is now utterly mortified “—and you don’t want it to get eaten, d’you? ‘Cause if it does, it’ll be your fault!”

    “Capriiiiiiiiiiii!”

    The Caterpie is now clinging to your pant leg for dear life as it searches the skies frantically for signs of the avian Pokémon. You shake your head. “You’re not gonna get eaten.” The Caterpie calms visibly down at that, so you turn your attention back to Stella. She does actually have a point: you can’t just let it get eaten. “Well, what am I supposed to do with it? Take it home?”

    Stella nods. You sigh.

    “Mom’s scared of bugs, though.”

    Stella grins. “I know. It’s kinda funny.”

    “Besides, maybe the Caterpie doesn’t want to go.”

    “Did you ask it?”

    “No.”

    “Then do it.”

    You look down at the tiny Caterpie, who looks up at you rather expectantly. “Well, you heard her. D’you want to go? You don’t have to if you don’t want.”

    It takes a few seconds for the Caterpie to respond, looking back to its hide-away, to the sky, to Stella, and lastly to you. It nods slowly.

    “See?” says Stella. “Now, was that hard?”

    Deciding not to respond, you stare up into the sky, watching the clouds as if they were the most entertaining things in the world.

    “Well… if you really don’t wanna take it, I guess I could take it home for awhi –“

    Both you and the Caterpie both cut her off in one instantaneous moment.

    “PRIIIII!” “NO! I’ll take it home!”

    You both look at one another. The Caterpie’s eyes are alternating between you and Stella, its face still terrified (and after hearing that beastly roar on Stella’s account, you don’t blame it) while yours holds a rather resolute, determined expression. All you know is there is no way in the universe she’s taking the Caterpie home.

    Stella’s courting a Cheshire Cat grin once more. “What did you say?”

    You decide to scowl and stare at her sullenly in return, sighing for good measure. You know for a fact she heard exactly what you said, that all-knowing, smug look a clear indicator if nothing else was. “I said,” you repeat, saying each word slowly so she can’t fake her way out this time, “I’ll take it home. It doesn’t want to go with you.”

    Stella’s smile doesn’t fade, if anything, she looks more excited than before. “I really hoped you’d say that,” she says, grabbing your wrist. “C’mon! I wanna see Aunt Claire freak out!”

    She says that, but she doesn’t know about the time a bug-type had the misfortune of crawling into your house. The last time, it had been a Kakuna that had managed to get into your house through an open window. She doesn’t know how the Kakuna had made its way into your parents’ room and into their bed. She wasn’t there to hear the unearthly, banshee scream that sent nearby neighbors rallying to your house. And when she came over to your house that day, she did not see the small hole in your parents’ bedroom window where glass should have been – nor for that matter did she see the fragments of your mother’s favorite porcelain vase littering your parents’ bedroom floor amongst the tussled bedcovers and fallen books.

    She did, however, notice your father’s wary attitude, and your mother’s rather paranoid behavior.

    But all she said about it was, laughing, “Did Uncle Will scare Aunt Claire again?”

    At that statement, you shook your head, but decided against telling her what happened. It wasn’t any of her business anyway, and she certainly did not need any new ideas. She was full to the brim with them anyway, and not one had done anyone but herself an ounce of good.

    The Kakuna itself had gotten away unharmed, its outer shell protecting it from the more physical aspects of your mother’s break down. Although, it did look very much disturbed as you watched it flee back into the forest, if its wobbly hops were any indication.

    After that experience, bug-types never surfaced around your house again.

    No, you then decide, shaking your head. She doesn’t have a clue.

    You then break out of Stella’s grasp, eying her incredulously. “Now? Do we have to now?”

    Stella nods. “Yes, now. I found you. I won, so the game’s over.”

    You still will not let her ‘winning’ go. She cheated, and you intend to ingrain that in her brain until the day she dies, then afterwards in heaven (if the angel-people allow it, anyway). “You cheated!”

    “I still found you,” she says, sticking out her tongue. “So there!”

    You grit your teeth, forcing yourself not to yell something that you might regret. “If we go back, you have to promise to not say anything to my mom about the Caterpie.”

    “Why?”

    You fold your arms across your chest. You’re not going to budge, come rocks or fists, until she agrees. “’Cause I said so.”

    Stella looks rather disappointed at the thought, though she relents. “Okay… you’ll probably mess up anyways. “

    You suddenly hold out your hand, a serious expression coming to your young face. Even the Caterpie seems surprised at your gesture. “Pinky swear.”

    “What?”

    You sigh. “Just do it, Stella.”

    Stella shrugs, and extending her own hand, she completes the ritual without much thought to the matter. At that, you’re satisfied. Not even she could find a loophole out of the promise now.

    You now tune out her merry little ditty she’s humming, turning your attention to the Caterpie who has thus far not said another word, watching the exchange between you two in silence. You don’t feel quite so hesitant about your commitment now, but you can’t help but think that your mother might just be far worse than an angry bird when it comes down to it, and twice as hard to drive off and change her mind.

    But you suppose as long as she doesn’t find out, it will all be well.

    It’ll be only for a few days. It can’t be that hard, can it?

    ++++
    “It is by chance that we met, by choice that we became friends.”
    ~Anonymous


    ++++
    Last edited by Saffire Persian; 10th December 2006 at 7:35 AM.

  2. #2
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    Cool

    Excellent story... keep it up, Saffire. I liked it.

  3. #3
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    Wow. Such a creepy banner for such a cutesy story. XD

    Heh, as I said before, you've done something amazing here - you characterised the reader as a little child and got them to go along with it. That's absolutely incredible. O.O

    One of the many points I thought was absolutely stunning was the way you portrayed Stella's 'rescuing' the character with the bias so visible. Not only are you impressing the thoughts of the character on the reader, you're making them step back at the same time and see through the bias. That's incredibly subtle and effective. *doffs imaginary hat*

    Heh... I was a little put off by how mean and judgemental both the character and Stella were... It seems like such a ... 'pouty' childhood. *shrug* You know how soft my tastes were. But even so, this is just so sweet....

    At that, you’re satisfied. Not even she could find a loophole out of the promise now.
    ^^ So 00berly, 00berly cute.... as is the CATERPIE. Aww, one of (if not THE) cutest Bug pokemon around and there's still about whether 'Aunt Claire' is going to flip out? How can she? Aren't Caterpies are there to be wuvved and cuddled...? Awww...

    Actually, talking of the pokemon, I reckon you've portrayed the communication barrier really smoothly. ^^ They can understand the Caterpie... at a push. Nice. Makes it easier for the characters, but still keeps a relatively realistic distance between the species.

    Species... Pidgeotto... that was incredibly. 'Hissing' and 'Pidgeotto' were so NOT a combination I'd pictured before. I see them more as 'clucking' sort of birds. o_O Eh. This works so well - really quite scary. Aww... it'd probably have been more scary if I wasn't so adoring towards almost everything with feathers you care to mention. O_O;;

    Anyway... stunningness. This is a piece of both technical and 'contentual'(?) and emotional brillaince. ^^ You pulled it off with such skill... erm, I think I'll end the gushing here before it gets disgusting. *looks sheepish* Er, great work? Please let me know when you update again! And I KNOW you can update soon.... *grins* So you've not really got an excuse.... Hah. And to end this review in true Piney fashion, I wish you good luck and fun!

    Piney.
    I wish you peace and love. God bless us all.

  4. #4
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    Any idea when the next section/chapter/part will be coming?

    I liked it as well, and am looking forward to the rest of it.
    Favorite pokemon of all time:


    Sixteen Flavors of Pokemon is being written now. Pokemon so far: Kakuna, Murkrow,
    ~Bigbrother

  5. #5
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    Fweee! The boss 2nd-person skills shine here, as do the superbly accurate child-characters. Fwee also to the depiction of the Pokémon – loved the cute widdle Caterpie and Pidgeotto the angry raptor – lovely, both of them. Oh, and I AM going to go on a little longer about that Caterpie, because AWWW! I especially liked the little noises it made…seriously, awww! ^^

    Only three typos, and given the length of the chapter, that’s amazing – I make a chapter this long or longer, and I find at least 8-10 in it… >.< Bahh, but you know about my typing hands…

    With the bird gone, you take the chance to pull your body fully out of your temporary hiding place, standing up and brushing a dirt off your t-shirt and pants.
    She’d just get made and hit you with her fist
    “Well… if you [i]really[i] don’t wanna take it, I guess I could take it home for awhi –“
    And now, th’ HIGHLIGHTS! ^^

    That, and a no good liar-cheater.
    (and shamelessly tell her that she’s the biggest cheater you’ve ever seen ever)
    Not wanting to be seen, you crawl across the ground on your hands and knees, blissfully unaware on how much anguish you will probably cause your mother when you come home, clothes worn and dirty.
    Nuh’uh, you tell yourself.

    “That’s because it’s hiding,” you tell her, adding, “stupid.”
    The above are examples of just how awesomely, authentically kid-like the character is, both in behavior and mentality. ^^

    My mom says that tricking people's bad. She gets mad at Dad for it allll the time!
    XDDD Oh, I loved that. And something tells me there’s a fair bit of significance to that part right there, too…hmm.

    And with a nervous ‘squee’ it bolts through the bushes.
    That’s the same noise I make when I bolt! =O

    “I did not!” Stella exclaims. “I counted to one hundred, I just did it faster than you by not saying all the numbers.”
    *falls over*

    “Well… if you really don’t wanna take it, I guess I could take it home for awhi –“

    Both you and the Caterpie both cut her off in one instantaneous moment.

    “PRIIIII!” “NO! I’ll take it home!”
    A truly classic moment. XD

    Boss work, both well-written and fun to read. And once again: Caterpie = AWWWW! *hugs the cute widdle bug* Feel free to let me know of any future updates for this – I will very gladly read more. ^___^
    DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK
    (Or do. I don't actually mind.)
    The Origin of Storms | Communication

  6. #6
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    I am readig this, and I lvoe it. ^^ I'll post a longer review later because it's at a ungodly time of the morning right now for me.

  7. #7

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    Well, I’ll just say right now that Metamorphosis is turning out to be quite a bit…longer than I had expected. It’s still going to be a short story, just a bit longer than intended, and still going to be divided into three phases, Childhood, Adolescence, and Adulthood... just with a little bit more stuff than was previously planned.

    Note that this story is extremely character-driven and oriented . There’s no spectacular ‘save the world’ plot, or anything like that. It’s also written in a different POV and style – hopefully that won’t deter you from reading. You might call this an Original Trainer, as it does have some of the same characteristics and such, but the story really isn't about the training, badge earning, and the like.

    The story itself is rated ‘PG’ just for safety, and will go no higher than PG-13.

    Comments, critiques, etc. are appreciated and welcomed. Don’t hesitate to point out any typos – as due to the length of this chapter, and I am quite sure I missed some.. and just because I have a horrid proof-reading eye. ^_^ Also note that one or two things which might count as mistakes, are on purpose. (As a hint, they’ll be in italics.)

    Also note that in the first stage, that I’m trying to portray young characters to the best of my ability – so their mannerisms and such will be as close to their age group (hopefully right on) as I can manage them. If you feel that they are not acting as they should, please don’t hesitate to say so. Thank you.

    +PM List+

    Sike Saner
    Pinecone Tortoise
    Bigbrother87
    Airdragon
    Serpent Syra
    Bay
    Hanako Tabris
    Psychic Umbreon
    Imperial_Furret
    Timid Kyogre
    Blueysicle


    +Chapter Index+

    [Stage 1: Childhood]

    Changing Circumstances
    Changing Circumstances Pt. II
    Changing Perceptions
    Changing Perceptions Pt. II
    Changing Skies
    Changing Skies Pt. II
    Changing Skies Pt. III
    Changing Waters: Coming Soon

    Metamorphosis

    By: Saffire Persian

    [Stage 1: Childhood]

    Changing Circumstances

    Childhood is a fleeting thing,
    Looking back on the Past with no regret,
    Looking at the Future as little but a dream for another day,
    Living in the Here and Now for only a small time,
    So hold onto it while you can…


    You are running quickly, caring only that you put as much distance from between you and your cousin as possible. You can still hear her counting up to one hundred like you made her, though, knowing your cousin, she doesn’t always play fair. She thinks she does, but she’s stupid in that way. In a game of ring toss, she insisted she had won because she had gotten all the rings on the hooks, but the truth of the matter was she only got them on the hooks because she had walked right up to the devices you threw the rings on and dropped the rings onto them.

    Her parents and your parents praised her for her ingenuity (Dad said that meant ‘smart’) and creativity.

    You just called her stupid.

    That, and a no good liar-cheater.

    Because of the memory, you run all the more faster, glaring back in the direction where she should be standing, a scowl creeping onto your features.

    Stella is your cousin after all. And as your cousin, she’s bound to cheat.

    (But the Viridian Forest has many places to hide.)

    You haven’t been here much since your mother watches you like a hawk; but you do know that the small forest offers many nooks and crannies to hide in… you might even find something special while you’re at it. You’ve heard the stories that float around school about all the ‘mysterious treasures’ around here, hidden in secret passageways, enclosed in orbs that look like Pokéballs… The forest holds every ingredient for an adventure for a kid such as yourself, and you have even gone on one or two ‘secret’ outings with a few kids from school, searching for treasure.

    But at the moment, treasure hunting is not a part of your eight-year-old agenda. Hiding is, and hiding fast. You can’t hear Stella counting anymore, and because she likes to talk loudly, you know that the reason you can’t hear her counting anymore isn’t because you’re too far away.

    You snort in indignation. She didn’t even get to twenty-five! The nerve of her!

    Trying to make as little noise as possible, you dart down the brown path, spotting a likely bunch of berry bushes just in front of you, surrounded by a few trees. Thick and bushy, it’s as good of a place as any to hide.

    “Whhherreee areeee you?! Come out! Come out! Wherever you are! Twenty-one! Ninety-nine! ONE HUNDRED!”

    Bottling down the urge to yell at your cousin (and shamelessly tell her that she’s the biggest cheater you’ve ever seen ever), you decide to tell her she’s a big cheater only after she gives up, and only then. You then dive into the berry bushes without hesitation (though you’re still fuming; she needs to play fair!), wrinkling your nose at the overwhelming berry-smell. Pleasant as it may be, it’s stifling to you.

    Well, she won’t be able to smell me, then, you think.

    Hunkering down amidst the leafy foliage, you watch (well you try to watch, you can’t exactly see much from where you are) and try to listen to what your cousin is doing; from the sound of her voice, she’s walking away.

    Good, you can find another hiding place if needs be. It’s not cheating, and even if it is, if she can cheat, so can you. Fair is fair, right?

    As her voice fades away into the forest, your heartbeat slows its desperate pounding and your breathing slows. Not wanting to be seen, you crawl across the ground on your hands and knees, blissfully unaware on how much anguish you will probably cause your mother when you come home, clothes worn and dirty.

    Squirming through a rather dense patch, your face peeks out of the bushes, your eyes furtively darting left and right. A large shape suddenly fills the whole of your vision, its large, black eyes boring into yours. A split-second later, when your brain has finally registered what exactly is going on, you scream. You scream as loud as you possibly can, holding nothing back.

    You stop screaming abruptly.

    Not because of someone coming to your rescue, but because at the moment you began screaming the bug (which you now recognize as a Caterpie) started screaming too, high-pitched and shrill. However, unlike you, it shows no signs of stopping. All you can do is stare and blink as its black eyes go as wide as saucepans while it rises up on its green body like snake Pokémon would.

    Suddenly, its eyes roll to the back of its head, and it topples straight onto its back. It doesn’t move, and it isn’t screaming anymore. Hesitantly, you poke it; it’s as stiff as a plank of wood.

    A plethora of emotions surge through your mind, confusion and horror becoming the most prominent of them all. You didn’t kill it, did you? You didn’t mean to. You certainly didn’t want to. That doesn’t make this your fault does it?

    Nuh’uh, you tell yourself. It’s not dead. Just fainted. Like on TV.

    Pokémon do that all the time, right?

    Yeah, that’s right.

    Your little frame heaves with relief and you laugh nervously, wondering how in the world you could’ve been scared of such a diminutive creature. It’s not big like the Caterpie you’ve seen before, so it must be young like you are...it’s tiny enough you could probably squish under your shoe. (Not like you’d want to.) You’re not a scardy-cat like Mom is. She’s the scardy-cat when it comes to bugs, she’s the one who’d have a fit.

    Still… the Caterpie hasn’t moved a muscle. And even though it has only fainted (You think. You know. You want to hope.) it still worries you. So, you decide to talk to it. Maybe it can hear you or something. You start with an apology – that usually works the first time.

    “M’sorry that I scared you: I promise I’m not a monster or nothing like that...” You then add out of inspiration: “You scared me, too.”

    It doesn’t move. You shift into a sitting position as you clear the bushes, rather frustrated. Why isn’t it waking up now? You apologized – wait! You think you saw one eye just open – just for a few seconds -- before snapping closed. The response is heartening, but it confuses you all the same. Maybe you’re have a hallucinwhatits… well, whatever it’s called. You’ll think of it later.

    Again, you poke it to see if you get a response; it’s still stiff.

    “Wake up!” you say, this time louder. You wait. There it is again! The eye opened. This time, you’re sure of it. It didn’t faint – it’s just playing dead! That makes you furious. It’s just like Stella with its tricks. That’s not fair – and it’s not right! You were worried. You’re not worried anymore, but still…

    “You’re just playin’ dead! I saw you! I saw you, I did!” you tell the Caterpie, making sure your tone is as annoyed as it can get, folding your arms for emphasis. Both saucepan-eyes open. It’s watching you now. Good. “You’re being mean, you know. I’m not sorry anymore!”

    Slowly, the Caterpie curls up onto its back. It looks confused, and rolls over onto its stomach. “Pri? Catrrr prii?” It makes no movement to run, so you continue on your little tirade, spilling your heart out with no regret to the consequences that might happen later on.

    “That’s right, you were being naughty! You’re not supposed to trick people! My mom says that tricking people's bad. She gets mad at Dad for it allll the time! She says it’s a no-no, so what you’re doing is bad.”

    (The fact that it playing dead came naturally to it never occurred to you.)

    You stare at it, noticing that there are tears pricking at the corners of the bug’s eyes, and it actually looks genuinely sorry… or maybe it’s just scared of you again. That thought in itself makes you feel bad.

    You sigh. “I guess I’m sorry again if you’re sorry. So… you sorry?”

    It nods.

    “Then I’m sorry. I forgive you for your trick, but –“ You waggle a finger in its direction. “--don’t do it again, ‘k?”

    You’re not sure how much the Caterpie understands, but you think it understands enough, and you reach out a hand tentatively to pet it to show that you're sorry and aren’t going to hurt it. It doesn’t screech or run away as you reach out your hand, patting it on the head. It seems to rather enjoy it, judging from the happy sound coming out of its throat.

    (After all, you haven’t rushed at it, and haven’t tried to eat it or squish it under your shoe, and you’ve apologized, so why should it?)

    “Sqrepi?”

    You blink. Once, twice.

    “Catrsqi?”

    Your face scrunches up in thought, as you try to make sense of the thing’s gibberish as it tries to talk to you. You think you can understand some things, and you know it’s trying to ask you something, but its gibberish is starting to sound like the noises your baby cousin garbles. You freeze.

    Cousin.

    The Caterpie seems to notice your surprise and flinches, inching back a few paces, but it doesn’t run away. Then you hear a familiar voice yelling through the trees. She had to have heard your scream. Great. You have to find somewhere else to hide, fast, or she’ll find you, and you really don’t want to lose.

    You move backwards into the bushes abruptly, and the Caterpie squeals in fright, searching about frantically. You peek your head out of the bush, hearing your cousin’s voice coming closer and closer. “I need to hide!” you whisper for the bug-type’s benefit. “She’ll find me! Sorry. But I’ve gotta go.”

    “Catr? Pi?” To your surprise, the bug has approached you on its own accord, rising on its long body to try and look at you on your level. It looks rather concerned as it ***** its head, a small growlish sound radiating from its throat.

    A loud yell disturbs you: it’s your cousin shouting your name.

    “Sqrratar?”

    “Ehh…” your face twists in confusion as you try to make sense of what’s being said. “Umm.. Yeah, that’s who I’m hidin’ from if that’s what y’mean.”

    As you make a move to retreat further into the bushes, you see that the caterpillar's following, nudging you with its head. You ignore it and begin to disappear deeper into the only concealment you have. It pursues you into the next small clearing as you look left and right, deciding which way to go. It then takes the opportunity to dart in front of you, hopping up and down.

    “Capi. Sqrea! Catrrrrr!”

    With your attention caught, it stops and begins to crawl in the opposite direction, peering over its shoulder. It makes another odd noise, an insistent one. Maybe… it wants you to follow it?

    Your cousin’s voice is getting closer and your heart quickens as you begin to panic, Stella's voice too close for your own comfort. Oddly, the Caterpie looks rather frantic too. It’s jumping up and down again, squeaking.

    (It is almost as if it is saying ‘Come on! Come on!’)

    “You know somewhere I can hide?”

    It nods quickly. Once. Twice. Thrice. And with a nervous ‘squee’ it bolts through the bushes.

    For something so small, it sure is fast. You wince; knowing you can’t keep up with it; you can’t exactly stand up and run, because Stella’ll see you for sure. So, you’ll have to trudge it, carefully, cautiously.

    You set off in the caterpillar’s wake, crawling as fast as you dare through the foliage, dirt, and berries, trying your best to keep up with the bug Pokémon. You can’t really move that fast, crawling on your hands and knees like you are: the bushes slow you down and they rustle when you go through them so you have to move slowly in order for you to make as little noise as possible. Luckily for you, the Caterpie notices you’re having trouble, and slows down by a large amount, allowing you to keep up.

    When you finally clear the veritable “forest” of bushes, you spot the Caterpie just in time to see it dart into a opening underneath the roots of a rather old looking tree. It’s a rather large gap, looking as if it had been dug out by a Pikachu or something. Maybe the gap’s big enough (and deep enough) for you to squeeze through. Just maybe… just maybe you can fit.

    Looking over your shoulder, you become determined. You’re going to try; Stella’s not going to win this round. You’re not gonna to let her.

    Somehow, you manage to fit underneath the tree, but the space is cramped so you’re forced to curl up in a tight ball like a cat just to fit. There’s enough room for the Caterpie to fit too. It's pacing around in a tight circle nervously –even more so when Stella’s voice periodically filters through the forest.

    You frown. “Stella’s not that scary, you know. Well…” You pause. “…she can be a little bit scary sometimes. She’s kinda like a bird, I guess: throw her a worm or something she likes and she’s nice enough until she wants another one...” you pause again, only realizing your mistake after the Caterpie squeaks in fright, looking more nervous than ever. You hurry to correct your faux pas, though the damage has already been done. “Umm… maybe she’s like a cat, she likes them better. Yeah…”

    The Caterpie doesn’t seem that assured, and goes completely still, like it did before when it was playing dead. You hear Stella moving in your direction – she’s really making no attempt whatsoever to keep quiet. You mimic the Caterpie’s posture, going completely rigid. You hold breath and count to ten, breathing again only when her voice fades away enough to feel safe.

    “So,” you say quietly, “this your house?”

    It nods.

    “It’s kinda small. Is there someplace bigger?”

    It ***** its head, and thinks for a moment.

    “Pi.” Nod.

    Slowly, it creeps out from underneath tree roots, and you can hear it move through the berry bushes as you began the rather arduous task of getting out from underneath the tree. You only just manage to get your head out into clean air before you spot something white colored dart past you. It’s a bird – not one of the small ones you see around your yard from time to time, but a bigger one you’ve only seen once or twice in the fields. You think you remember you dad calling it a Pidgeotto.

    A terrified squeal disrupts your thoughts, and you spot the Caterpie’s long, green body running back through bushes toward you with the Pidgeotto in fast, eager pursuit.

    The bird looks absolutely murderous, and your need no incentive to pull back into the den while the Caterpie scurries in from another (smaller) opening by where your feet are. The Pidgeotto doesn’t waste any time trying to dive in after the bug, but a well placed kick with your foot wards the tawny-feathered creature off.

    “Otto!” it hisses venomously, glaring at the both of you through the gap. It hops backwards on its talons, surveying the situation with keen, golden eyes.

    A moment later, it hops backwards a few more paces and begins to flap its wings with great, powerful thrusts. The thrusts send waves of dust, dirt, bits of foliage, and even a few small rocks into your hiding place without an ounce of mercy. The Pidgeotto is clearly trying to force you – or more specifically the Caterpie – out.

    The airborne mix of dirt and other particles is making it hard to breathe, and every breath makes you sneeze or cough, and the sharper bits blown in from the Pidgeotto’s Gust stings any part of your body that’s uncovered. Even worse, you can’t see, having already had the sense to bury your face within your arms. Despite this, the Caterpie still manages to scream in absolute terror, which to you is far worse than what the Pidgeotto is flinging at you.

    “Leave us alone!” you manage to yell, before the dirt forces its way down your throat, stifling your voice and making you choke.

    “Pigit!” it hisses again, menacingly, but it doesn’t stop. In fact, the attacks seem to intensify.

    “Stop it!”

    This time, you hear the bird cry out in pain, and the Gust stops. You open your eyes just in time to see the Pidgeotto spin around as a rock lands near its taloned feet, making it jump back. Its feathers flare, and it squawks at something you cannot see.

    “Leave him alone, you stupid, no-good birdbrain!”

    It’s Stella’s voice.

    At her voice, you slowly start to creep out from underneath the tree again, spotting your cousin. She looks determined and certainly quite a bit miffed, holding a small rock in her palm. The Pidgeotto is still refusing to leave its spot, flapping its wings in warning and screeching fit to burst. Stella is by no means intimidated by the gesture.

    You shake your head, and Caterpie appears beside you, watching the confrontation from behind your shoulder.

    “Leave him alone,” your cousin repeats. The Pidgeotto isn’t happy at this, glaring vehemently at your cousin as she glares back with her usual, stubborn look, beginning to toss the rock up at down. The Pidgeotto puffs itself up, wings spread…

    … Only to be hit in the head with another well-aimed rock a second later as Stella reiterates her command, telling it adamantly to shut up (a word she uses quite often) on the side. This time, the Pidgeotto looks a bit hesitant and its screeches fade in volume.

    The Caterpie, meanwhile, is looking back and forth between human and bird with unconcealed amazement while also looking very much alarmed. Stella herself has picked up another rock from the ground, continuing to yell at the bird before unexpectedly charging with a loud and very much ungirlish roar that sends the Caterpie fleeing back into its hiding place.

    (If you didn’t know Stella as well as you do, perhaps you would have, too.)

    The bird, in the meantime, is staring in shocked silence at the feral, beastly sound your cousin emitted. It quickly comes out of its reverie, squawking in surprise and irritation as it is forced to hurriedly backtrack on ungainly legs away from your charging cousin. Stella shows no signs of stopping, eventually making the screeching bird turn ‘round and take wing.

    As soon as it’s up in the air, Stella launches her last rock. Stella has always had a good aim – and the next shot proves it, missing the Pidgeotto by only a small margin.

    Defeated, the Pidgeotto gives back one last, baleful glance, before fleeing in the other direction with all the dignity it can muster.

    With the bird gone, you take the chance to pull your body fully out of your temporary hiding place, standing up and brushing a dirt off your t-shirt and pants. You’re a complete mess, covered from head to toe with all the grime and dirt the Pidgeotto was gracious enough to throw at you.

    You barely have time to compose yourself before Stella places herself right in front of you, her smile one that would put an Aipom to shame.

    “I could’ve got it myself,” you say off-handedly, not liking the way she’s smiling at you at all; it’s rather unnerving, to tell the truth.

    “You’re okay, then?”

    “Of course I am,” you grumble, “I’m not a baby, you know.”

    “Good!” she shouts, her smile growing wider before tackling you unceremoniously to the ground, making a ‘victory’ sign with her fingers. “Then I found you! I win, I win, I win!”

    “You did not! You cheated!” you yell angrily. “Get off of me!”

    She doesn’t budge, though she does sound a bit offended. “I didn’t cheat. I did exactly as you said.”

    “You didn’t count to one hundred. You cheated!”

    “I did not!” Stella exclaims. “I counted to one hundred, I just did it faster than you by not saying all the numbers.”

    An uncharacteristic growl makes its way out of your throat, but you don’t care. “You’re the biggest cheater ever! Now get off of me!”

    She shifts into a sitting position, still perched atop your back, making sure to meet your eyes as her grin goes rather lopsided. “You’re just a sore loser, and,” she adds, “you scream like a sissy.”

    That was the last straw. You are not a sissy – no way, no how.

    “I’m not a sissy!” you yell loudly, this time making a more active attempt to throw Stella off your back, absolutely furious at the unwritten rule that you do not, under any circumstance, hit girls.

    Normally, the taboo doesn’t bother you at all – but with Stella… there’s no words to describe how much you hate the rule. She’s nice a lot of a time and fun to be around when she’s not being a cheater or a liar, and that’s why you hang around with her. But even memories of times like that don’t stop you from wanting to explode and do something to retaliate. Stella tends to have that effect on you when she wants to; she’s able to bring out the side of yours that few people can. (Your dad says that it’s your ‘mother’s side’.)

    In your opinion, she can take the most sane and patient of people and turn them in to raging, roaring monsters – with her not batting an eye during the process. She knows how to push your buttons, and do it well, even if, at times, it’s not intentional.

    In the end, you manage to calm yourself, though the observant of eye would have noticed your eyebrows twitching madly in rebellion.

    “I don’t scream…like a sissy.”

    “Uh’huh. I heard you – that’s how I found you.”

    You stop your struggling, your eyes narrowing as you look toward your old hiding place where a very noticeable green head is sticking out, watching you. “That wasn’t me, it was the Caterpie!”

    Your cousin ***** her head in confusion, and you finally have the opportunity to throw her off balance and, most importantly, off your back.

    “Caterpie?”

    You point towards the tree as you stand up, and the Caterpie’s head disappears back into the darkness as quickly as it had appeared.

    Stella frowns. “I don’t see one.”

    “That’s because it’s hiding,” you tell her, adding, “stupid.”

    Of course, Stella never responds to that. You don’t think she really cares, but you call her that anyway.

    “Oh… just watch! Caterpie!” Slowly, the Caterpie’s head emerges from beneath the tree roots once more, looking at Stella with a rather frightened expression. It then looks to you, then to Stella again in apparent confusion. “I’m not hiding from her anymore,” you tell it. “She’s not gonna hurt you. She’s not gonna eat you either.”

    This time, it’s your cousin’s turn to look confused, and you decide it’s best not to tell her what you said to the Caterpie about her. She’d just get mad and hit you with her fist or a small rock -- whichever one comes to her mind first. You’ve gotten plenty of bruises from her to prove it, too; she likes to throw stuff a little too much.

    “See,” you say.

    “Fine. You don’t scream like a sissy.”

    At that, you grin triumphantly and the Caterpie takes the opportunity to scuttle out the hollow and behind your legs.

    “I was saving it from the bird. It was going to eat it.”

    Your cousin rolls her eyes, before kneeling down to the Caterpie’s level. It backs away, an odd gurgle making its way out of its throat. “Well, what’re you gonna to do with it?”

    You shrug. “What d’you mean, ‘what am I going to do with it’?

    “The Pidgeotto might come back, then it’ll get eaten –” The Caterpie’s expression is now utterly mortified “—and you don’t want it to get eaten, d’you? ‘Cause if it does, it’ll be your fault!”

    “Capriiiiiiiiiiii!”

    The Caterpie is now clinging to your pant leg for dear life as it searches the skies frantically for signs of the avian Pokémon. You shake your head. “You’re not gonna get eaten.” The Caterpie calms visibly down at that, so you turn your attention back to Stella. She does actually have a point: you can’t just let it get eaten. “Well, what am I supposed to do with it? Take it home?”

    Stella nods. You sigh.

    “Mom’s scared of bugs, though.”

    Stella grins. “I know. It’s kinda funny.”

    “Besides, maybe the Caterpie doesn’t want to go.”

    “Did you ask it?”

    “No.”

    “Then do it.”

    You look down at the tiny Caterpie, who looks up at you rather expectantly. “Well, you heard her. D’you want to go? You don’t have to if you don’t want.”

    It takes a few seconds for the Caterpie to respond, looking back to its hide-away, to the sky, to Stella, and lastly to you. It nods slowly.

    “See?” says Stella. “Now, was that hard?”

    Deciding not to respond, you stare up into the sky, watching the clouds as if they were the most entertaining things in the world.

    “Well… if you really don’t wanna take it, I guess I could take it home for awhi –“

    Both you and the Caterpie both cut her off in one instantaneous moment.

    “PRIIIII!” “NO! I’ll take it home!”

    You both look at one another. The Caterpie’s eyes are alternating between you and Stella, its face still terrified (and after hearing that beastly roar on Stella’s account, you don’t blame it) while yours holds a rather resolute, determined expression. All you know is there is no way in the universe she’s taking the Caterpie home.

    Stella’s courting a Cheshire Cat grin once more. “What did you say?”

    You decide to scowl and stare at her sullenly in return, sighing for good measure. You know for a fact she heard exactly what you said, that all-knowing, smug look a clear indicator if nothing else was. “I said,” you repeat, saying each word slowly so she can’t fake her way out this time, “I’ll take it home. It doesn’t want to go with you.”

    Stella’s smile doesn’t fade, if anything, she looks more excited than before. “I really hoped you’d say that,” she says, grabbing your wrist. “C’mon! I wanna see Aunt Claire freak out!”

    She says that, but she doesn’t know about the time a bug-type had the misfortune of crawling into your house. The last time, it had been a Kakuna that had managed to get into your house through an open window. She doesn’t know how the Kakuna had made its way into your parents’ room and into their bed. She wasn’t there to hear the unearthly, banshee scream that sent nearby neighbors rallying to your house. And when she came over to your house that day, she did not see the small hole in your parents’ bedroom window where glass should have been – nor for that matter did she see the fragments of your mother’s favorite porcelain vase littering your parents’ bedroom floor amongst the tussled bedcovers and fallen books.

    She did, however, notice your father’s wary attitude, and your mother’s rather paranoid behavior.

    But all she said about it was, laughing, “Did Uncle Will scare Aunt Claire again?”

    At that statement, you shook your head, but decided against telling her what happened. It wasn’t any of her business anyway, and she certainly did not need any new ideas. She was full to the brim with them anyway, and not one had done anyone but herself an ounce of good.

    The Kakuna itself had gotten away unharmed, its outer shell protecting it from the more physical aspects of your mother’s break down. Although, it did look very much disturbed as you watched it flee back into the forest, if its wobbly hops were any indication.

    After that experience, bug-types never surfaced around your house again.

    No, you then decide, shaking your head. She doesn’t have a clue.

    You then break out of Stella’s grasp, eying her incredulously. “Now? Do we have to now?”

    Stella nods. “Yes, now. I found you. I won, so the game’s over.”

    You still will not let her ‘winning’ go. She cheated, and you intend to ingrain that in her brain until the day she dies, then afterwards in heaven (if the angel-people allow it, anyway). “You cheated!”

    “I still found you,” she says, sticking out her tongue. “So there!”

    You grit your teeth, forcing yourself not to yell something that you might regret. “If we go back, you have to promise to not say anything to my mom about the Caterpie.”

    “Why?”

    You fold your arms across your chest. You’re not going to budge, come rocks or fists, until she agrees. “’Cause I said so.”

    Stella looks rather disappointed at the thought, though she relents. “Okay… you’ll probably mess up anyways. “

    You suddenly hold out your hand, a serious expression coming to your young face. Even the Caterpie seems surprised at your gesture. “Pinky swear.”

    “What?”

    You sigh. “Just do it, Stella.”

    Stella shrugs, and extending her own hand, she completes the ritual without much thought to the matter. At that, you’re satisfied. Not even she could find a loophole out of the promise now.

    You now tune out her merry little ditty she’s humming, turning your attention to the Caterpie who has thus far not said another word, watching the exchange between you two in silence. You don’t feel quite so hesitant about your commitment now, but you can’t help but think that your mother might just be far worse than an angry bird when it comes down to it, and twice as hard to drive off and change her mind.

    But you suppose as long as she doesn’t find out, it will all be well.

    It’ll be only for a few days. It can’t be that hard, can it?

    ++++
    “It is by chance that we met, by choice that we became friends.”
    ~Anonymous


    ++++
    Last edited by Saffire Persian; 12th April 2007 at 5:40 AM.

  8. #8
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    And you didn't tell me this came out? ;__; *lays himself on train tracks*

    Wow...yet again, you amaze me with the second-pov, which is just lovely. You should really write more like this, because it is indeed enjoyable, imaginative, and creative. You are placing us in the shoes in the story, running, screaming, hollering, et cetera. The description was top-notch, and just to inform you, I have read about half of it and plan to read the rest tomorrow. Stella is a fun character, and I like her, indeed. ^^ Well, until I come back and post a longer review. 8D

    *flies away on his Charizard*
    ~ COMING SOON ~


    Shiftry leapt into the air, shrieking and roaring as she started glowing and absorbing the sun’s light. Leaves shifted and curled at the edges as footsteps sounded on the grass. Her eyes were wide open and crazed, glazed with a white radiance. A slim, dark figure spontaneously crossed overhead, elegant and mysterious as it disappeared within the rose-colored vortex. It all seemed like a medieval fantasy; only reality blended in to make it all seem practical. The new otherworldly essence drifted in, allowing the illumination to bless the woman and reveal herself to the world. Karen had arrived

  9. #9
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    Very well written. Keep it up!


  10. #10
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    SAPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHH! Hey, I owe a review for Requiem for a Dream still, but I saw this fic and decided to review it first. Well let me start off by saying I was shocked how beautifully you were able to pull off second person (with AMAZING) results not only once BUT TWICE! I don't really understand exactly WHY you used second person though. Usually second person is used to show that it could be anyone in the fic (good approach IMO), but the person in this narration seems to be definite. I take it he's also male from this line.

    “I’m not a sissy!” you yell loudly, this time making a more active attempt to throw Stella off your back, absolutely furious at the unwritten rule that you do not, under any circumstance, hit girls.
    Furthermore, you portrayed the stage of childhood , excuse my English, bloody brilliantly (pun intended)! You showed their immaturity well with the whole sissy ordeal and the her not fully counting to one hundred (I hate it when people do it...). Basically, you really portray the atmosphere of childhood extremely well. The Caterpie was awesome and the dialogue for the pokemon was absolutely perfect.

    I can tell this fic is going to go great places, sorry I don't have any critisism XD And I agree that for a creepy banner this is such a feel good fic

    5/5
    A Championship Battle
    FINISHED: Johto's top psychic trainer and the granddaughter of an Elite Four member go head to head for the Silver Cup championship. Features underused pokemon including Tropius, Slowking, and my personal favorite, Jynx



    This story is too fleshed out and completed in my head for me not to finish it. I'm determined to finish my first real, fleshed out fiction. And I'll wait until it's done before posting it. Chapters 6/18.

  11. #11
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    I really love this story so far! Keep it up Saffire! Liked it how you are focusing both the main character and the Catapie. I want that Catapie! Any who, I remember when you wrote that Charizard story with the second person point of view I was amazed how well that is written. It is not easy writing in second person point of view. Maybe that is why I rarely see second person point of view in works of literature.
    This is my favorite part:

    Quote Originally Posted by Saffire Persian
    Not because of someone coming to your rescue, but because at the moment you began screaming the bug (which you now recognize as a Caterpie) started screaming too, high-pitched and shrill. However, unlike you, it shows no signs of stopping. All you can do is stare and blink as its black eyes go as wide as saucepans while it rises up on its green body like snake Pokémon would.
    Funny how both the speaker and the Caterpie screamed at the same time!
    Anyways, good work. Can’t wait for the next part of the story.


    Tumblr | FFnet | Author's Profile| Archive of Our Own | Banner: Umi Mizuno
    I'm still writing, but probably not much Pokemon stuff at the moment. HAM!


  12. #12

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    Syra: I thought I did I like Stella, too. One of my favorite characters, actually.

    Atomic Monkey: Thanks! Glad you liked it.

    Iceking: Why I used Second Person... It was rather spontaneous actually, and I DID argue with myself over whether third person would be better.. XD Had a little war with myself... But when it comes down to it, I just did it. And yes, the person is definite, which was one of the reasons I was hesitant to do second person. Yes, the character is male - I wondered if I could avoid it.. but I really don't think I could 0_o... I also gave the character a much more defined personality.. XD.. But Meh. I didn't want it to seem a repeat of The Ties that Bind, y'know.. so I also wanted to do the style a bit different.

    And creepy? XD.. Is my banner really that creepy? *blank stares* Maybe I'll put up another less-creepy one whenever I update next. XDXDXD


    Bay: So you read The Ties that Bind, too, eh? ^_^ .. and yeah, Second Person can be a chore to write.. but it's not t hat bad. 0_o.. It's very similar to Third Person, I noticed.. just a tad more personal.

    And yeah, it was funny how both the character and the caterpie screamed at the same time. XDXDXD The Caterpie screams a lot.. mark my words.. It's young, so I figured it'd be a little 'dense' and get scared easy when it comes to things.. so yeah XD...

  13. #13
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    Very original Saffire! I thought is well written with good characters and the humor was good too. I like the style you've written the story in and I actually like the banner. I think you should keep it.

    I hope you post your next chapter soon. Can't wait!
    Current Obsession: Dynasty Warriors/Samurai Warriors
    Warriors Orochi: Best.Crossover.Ever

    "This is it! - I won't back down, I won't give in, and I certainly won't lose!"
    Xiahou Yuan, Battle of Mt. Ding Jun

  14. #14
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    This chapter was extremely well written, and the second person POV is not something that's common here, which is a nice addition. You portrayed the Viridian Forest beautifully and made it clear that the mian character somewhat depsises Stella. I really liked it ^_^

    ~W.A~
    Last edited by whiteabsol; 6th March 2006 at 4:08 AM.
    My little twin: Myuuvuirocon (or Mooky for short =3 )

    Originally Posted by Myuuvuirocon
    and yea everyone wants to beat him up....that makes me tickle all over=3
    There's a flip side to everything.

  15. #15

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    Shadows Follower Glad you like the banner. XDXD I do, too.

    Whiteabsol : To say the character despises Stella would be going a little far - sure, some quirks of her personality does annoy him.. but he doesn't hate her. XD.. They have a... brother/sister relationship, really... cousins though they may be. That makes things fun.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saffire Persian
    Shadows Follower Glad you like the banner. XDXD I do, too.

    Whiteabsol : To say the character despises Stella would be going a little far - sure, some quirks of her personality does annoy him.. but he doesn't hate her. XD.. They have a... brother/sister relationship, really... cousins though they may be. That makes things fun.
    I guess you're right, but I'm not saying that he hates her seeing as hate is a strong word but I have to agree; does make things fun with a brother/sister relationship ^_^ Especially if she gets on his nerves sometimes.
    My little twin: Myuuvuirocon (or Mooky for short =3 )

    Originally Posted by Myuuvuirocon
    and yea everyone wants to beat him up....that makes me tickle all over=3
    There's a flip side to everything.

  17. #17

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    White Absol: Yes, Stella does get on his nerves.. XD Erm... she would probably have gotten on mine to, as a kid.. 0_o and maybe when I was older.. given her later personality when she's a teenager/adult. But I get what you mean. ^_^

  18. #18
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    Good stuff!

    It really does sound just like a kid. Accented by the fact that it's in Second Person, this is a really good emulation of the childhood years; something to remind us all that true freedom and happiness only lasts as long as childhood does.

    Caterpie was so cute! Seriously, I'm a grown man (well, partly), and I just completely think that. The little rivalry between Stella and the main character is a great emulation of what really happens - it happens all the time with my sister, too - and you've done a good job of incorporating the game dynamics in it. All I can point out is the few grammatical errors in this, and suggest that you mature the voice of the narrator as the child matures. And, just to add, I didn't really get lost because it was in Second person. Quite the opposite, actually. Maybe I'm just an oddball.

    The errors:

    Trying to make as little noise as possible, you dart down the brown path, spotting a likely bunch of berry bushes just in front of you, surrounded by a few trees. Thick and bushy, it’s as good of a place as any to hide.
    I don't think you need the 'of'.

    Slowly, it creeps out from underneath the tree roots, and you can hear it move through the berry bushes as you began the rather arduous task of getting out from underneath the tree. You only just manage to get your head out into clean air before you spot something white colored dart past you. It’s a bird – not one of the small ones you see around your yard from time to time, but a bigger one you’ve only seen once or twice in the fields. You think you remember you dad calling it a Pidgeotto.
    Insert bold word there.

    The Kakuna itself had gotten away unharmed, its outer shell protecting it from the more physical aspects of your mother’s break down. Although, it did look very much disturbed as you watched it flee back into the forest, if its wobbly hops were any indication.
    I'm pretty sure 'break down' is one word. If not, then there should be a dash between the words, though I'm not certain.

    That's all I can find for now. In conclusion, good work, and keep it up. And, of coarse (yes, it's coarse, not fine - I like to be random), I'll be excited for the next chapter!

    EDIT: I also wanted to add, the banner's quite good, just a bit unappropriate at this time. Perhaps you could stow it away until some mor mature age.
    Last edited by Praxiteles; 10th March 2006 at 5:25 PM.

  19. #19

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    Dragonfire: Thanks for your comments.. I'll fix those errors right away.. 0_o.. It seems I had less than I expected. I'm glad you liked it - and yes, the narrator also matures as the children age. And I probably'll stick up a new banner for it sometime.


    Anyway, here's the next chapter. The current segment was giving me a bit of problems.. and I’ll keep going over this chapter as it fits my liking, but it’s presentable now.. but as always, feel free to point any typos, inconsistencies, comments, and such. I’ll be glad to have them. And until I think of a better title (This was originally part of the first chapter) you’ll have to deal with this boring one.



    Changing Circumstances Pt. II


    Childhood is a fleeting thing,
    Looking back on the Past with no regret,
    Looking at the Future as little but a dream for another day,
    Living in the Here and Now for only a small time,
    So hold onto it while you can…


    Sneaking the Caterpie inside your house set upon the outskirts of Viridian City is turning out to be harder than you previously thought. For starters, you and Stella picked a very bad time to come home. As you approached the house, you could see your mother through the window sitting at the dinner table just on the opposite side of your father, sipping her usual cup of herbal tea.

    You could’ve always come back later – in fact, that’s what you would’ve done, as that's the smart thing to do, but the thing is, Stella waits for no one. A Charizard could have been breathing fire at the doorway and she still would have dashed towards the door with as much enthusiasm as a Growlithe after a bone.

    It was too late to call out to her and tell her to stop what she was doing. Though it wasn’t like she would have listened, anyway; but you did try, and that did as much good as not having spoken at all.

    Was she deliberately trying to make your situation harder than it should be?

    Now that you think about it, perhaps you should’ve made up some ground rules of what she could and could not do before you made her pinky swear, but there’s nothing you can do about it now – she’s already opened the door and gone inside, greeting your parents in her usual loud voice (You can hear it from where you’re standing), only to come to the door again, waving and calling your name.

    There’s no possible way you can get out of going inside now. .

    A scowl emerges (for the who-knows-what-number-of-times today), and you mutter something you heard Mom say under her breath at Dad once. You really don’t know what it means, but it makes you feel quite a bit better, anyway.

    “Cat pri?”

    You look at the perhaps doomed soul perched on your shoulder with pity; its look is nearly identical – a little more concerned though. You think it can probably tell that you’re angry, so you calm down just a little, not wanting to freak out the Caterpie more than it already is.

    “Everything will be fine. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna let anything happen to you, ‘k…”

    “Caterprri!”

    You can hear your mother calling you now, and you know you’re already taking too long in going inside… Your mother will get suspicious if you stall much longer, and you don’t want that. You also don’t want to leave the Caterpie, because it might wander off, and it doesn’t know where your room is.

    Not to mention the Pidgeotto might’ve followed you home, even though you can’t see it.

    You sigh. There’s only one thing you can do, there’s nothing for it. You’ll have to smuggle it in like a pirate. You tug at your shirt collar, suddenly glad you wore the baggy, overlarge shirt that you got from Uncle Todd. “Get in.”

    The Caterpie’s eyes widen, looking confused beyond all belief. “Priii?”

    “I mean, get inside my shirt. I’m have to hide you so my mom can’t see you, so stay still.”

    ++++

    Your heart full of trepidation, you stiffly walk into the house, trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible. You hope, looking at your crossed arms, that your mother won’t notice the small bulge in the middle of your shirt. You purposely avoid Stella’s eyes, not wanting to give her the slightest provocation. You say only a meager ‘hello’ in greeting to your mother and father sitting at the kitchen table before picking up the pace towards the stairs that lead to your room just straight ahead of you. Truthfully, you hardly trust yourself to say anything, worried that if you do, everything will be messed up, and you don’t want to take any chances.

    Sighing with relief, your foot reaches the first set of stairs --

    “Hey!” a familiar voice interrupts you, and you freeze, your foot resting on the first step as you turn to stare at Stella with a very apparent ‘what do you think you’re doing?’ look. “Aren’t you going to eat lunch with me before we go upstairs? Your mom made sandwiches for us! Your favorite: peanut butter and jelly!”

    “Maybe later,” you spit out gruffly.

    Silence. The rustling sound of a newspaper page being turned. You inhale and try to dart up the stairs before anyone can stop you.

    But at the very moment you take a step forward your mother finally notices your beat-up, rag-tag appearance.

    “What happened? You’re completely filthy!” Your mother’s eyes constrict, you wince, Stella grins, and your father takes another sip of tea. “Where exactly have you been?”

    “We were just playin’ in the field by Mr. Coroy's backyard,” you say quickly, wanting to get this over with as fast as possible. Shooting a very word-drenched glance at Stella, you add: “Right, Stella?”

    It takes her a moment to respond. “Oh, yeah.” She nods. “We were playing hide-and-go-seek there. He was hiding, and he didn’t mean to, but he ran into a Pidgeotto –“

    Panicking at the wide-eyed look your mother is getting, you say quickly: “It wasn’t anything, Mom –”

    But Stella continues. “—and it attacked him –”

    Yeah, it did. you think with an indignant grimace , Stupid thing. “Yea –” Wait. Wrong thing to say. NO IT DID NOT. NO IT DID NOT. NO IT DID NOT! “ — I mean, umm… it did not!”

    But that was more than enough to illicit a response from your Mother who’s facial expression had turned from suspicious to horrified in the space of five seconds.

    There go the good old days of hide-and-go-seek, you think wistfully.

    “He looks fine to me,” you father says, lowering his copy of the Pewter Times enough for his eyes to peek over the top of it.

    “Turn around and let me look at you,” your mother says sternly, ignoring your father completely. Her tone of voice gives no room for argument. “I want to make sure you’re all right.”

    But you argue anyway. What else can you do? “I’m okay, Mom! I promise.”

    “I’ll be the judge of that,” she says in return. “Now turn around.”

    “Mom…”

    “Turn around, please.”

    Slowly, hesitantly, you turn around, trying your best to hide the lump in your t-shirt. But, just as you expected, she notices the bulge, and her eyes narrow dangerously. “What are you hiding underneath your shirt, dear?”

    “It’s nothing.”

    “I can see that. Take it out, whatever it is.”

    “Moooom!”

    “Don’t ‘mom’ me. Just show me.”

    “I don’t think that’s a very good idea,” you say very, very slowly. You feel the Caterpie twitch inside your shirt.

    “And why not?”

    “Well, you’re not gonna to like it at all,” you say truthfully. “Nuh’uh, not one bit.”

    This seems to arouse your father’s curiosity. As he turns a page of the newspaper, you see his eyebrows rise as he stares at you from behind his glasses. You smile at him guiltily. Somehow, you think he knows exactly what is hidden underneath your shirt.

    “Maybe you should listen to him, dear,” your father finally says, clearing his throat rather loudly. “I don’t particularly want to be sleeping on the couch tonight just because you got upset…”

    You mother looks rather irritated at your father’s statement, her eyes narrowing dangerously, and you decide to take the opportunity to try and make it into your room while she’s focused on your father. Maybe you’ll be quick enough to fill up your shirt with rocks from your collection before you’re made to come down. And the Caterpie… you can hide it in your sock drawer. Yes, that’s it! Mom would never look in there.

    “Upset? Nonsense. Why would I be upset?”

    “I was just saying, Claire--” Just a little bit further... and you’ll be free. Just keep going slowly so they don’t hear you… “—that I bear no responsibility whatsoever for what happens.”

    “Oh for Mew’s sake….” You’re almost out of eyesight now. “And where do you think you’re going, young man?” Again, you find your flight to escape thwarted, and a few moments later you’re at the bottom of the stairs again; but this time you’re staring up at your mother, who, to your horror, has actually left the table to stand in front of you. Not good, definitely not good.

    “I don’t want to have to tell you again…”

    Your father puts the newspaper onto his lap, his chin resting on the palm of his hand while you back up a few feet for safety before relenting to your mother’s orders. You carefully nudge the Caterpie under your shirt. And slowly but surely, it peeks its head out of the mouth of your shirt. “Pi?”

    Right on cue, your mother shrieks in surprise and it takes only seconds for the Caterpie’s eyes to widen and a half-second more for it to start to scream. This of course, startles your mother beyond belief, the blood draining out of her face.

    Eventually, you have the sense to put your hand over the Caterpie’s small mouth, making its screams fade away into tiny, hiccupping squeaks, while your mother is doing something of the same, hand over mouth in horror.

    Silence fills the now empty void, until Stella fills it once more by wriggling out of her chair and sliding underneath the oak table, overcome by a fit of mad giggles. Your mother by now has regained a little bit of her voice.

    “Wha…wha…”

    “I believe it’s a Caterpie, Claire.”

    “I know that,” your mother hisses, finding her voice as she wrings her hands together. “But.. what is tha – that thing doing in my house?!”

    “The Pidgeotto was gonna eat it! “ you try to explain, taking another few paces backward just in case. “It’s not a monster or anything!”

    “I’m not going to have one of those… filthy creatures in our home –“

    “But, Mom! It’s only for a little while! A couple of days! I promise!”

    ‘We can’t let the stupid chicken eat it!” Stella pipes in, and for the first time today, you feel grateful towards her. “That’s bad!”

    “I don’t care, you’re going to take it right back outside this instant!”

    “A couple days isn’t really that long…” your father says carefully, bringing the newspaper back up in front of him, not noticing the glare of daggers he received in return. “…and it really is harmless.”

    At your father’s words, you meet his eyes, the first tinge of hope sparkling in them. You smile just a bit. You know that if your mom and dad disagree on something, you can get away with a lot. So maybe…

    “That thing can stay over at Stella’s –“ You clamp your hand over the Caterpie’s mouth just in time to muffle another shriek.

    “It don’t li’ me,” Stella giggles brightly from under the table through a mouthful of peanut butter and jelly. “An’ it shoud stay w’ou, ‘cause it’s funny.”

    “Funny... “ your mother repeats in a low tone, finally making it back over to her chair, while you stare at Stella, wide-eyed. You would have never gotten away with saying that in front of Mom. You look at her nervously, just waiting for her to burst into flame.

    Instead, she grimaces and takes a deep breath. “Stella, why don’t you go upstairs and eat with your cousin.” She turns to you. “We’ll talk about this later.”

    Without argument, you dash up the stairs, while Stella takes her time crawling out from underneath the table. You don’t wait for her.

    +++++


    Entering your room just off the side of the top of the stairway, you exhale deeply, flopping down on your bed near the window with a relieved sigh. You allow the Caterpie to wriggle out of your hold and onto the bed beside you.

    Your eyes lazily follow it its progression as it crawls slowly around your blue bedcovers. It looks amazed, yet hesitant at the same time. It finally reaches the head of your bed and onto your pillow, screeching as the pillow sinks because of its weight. You giggle at the sight, wondering how anyone can be scared of a pillow. You continue to watch it as it rises from its frozen stupor, before it gives an experimental jump –

    Stella then bursts through the open doorway, two sandwiches protectively clutched in her arms. She darts toward the bed without warning, making you cry out in surprise as you’re forced to scramble out of the way as Stella bellyflops onto your bed.

    Her sudden impact makes the Caterpie shriek with terror, before it bolts straight into the only escape it can see: the window. The thing is, it isn’t open, and the Caterpie runs straight into it with a hard thud. To your horror, it falls over onto its side, and doesn’t move. This time, you are quite sure it’s not playing dead – it's fainted.

    (According to your dad, pokémon tend to do that quite a lot on the because of humans, but that does not stop you from bristling furiously at Stella, pointing at her accusingly with a finger.)

    “YOU SCARED IT! You knocked it out!”

    “I did not!” Her face wrinkling up in stubbornness, she throws one of the sandwiches (crumpled and rather smashed) at you. “The WINDOW did!”

    “And –” you continue, intending not to leave one tiny detail out “—you broke your promise.”

    Stella shakes her head. “You’re just bein’ silly! You never said I couldn’t talk about the Pidgeotto 'n stuff.”

    “Girls…” you mutter under your breath, eying the sandwich with disdain. Growling at her, you throw it on the floor. “I don’t wan’ it. I’ll probably get girl disease from it!”

    “There’s no such thing as girl disease!” Stella says matter-of-factly, looking rather hurt on account of the thrown sandwich. “You meanie! I brought that up for you!”

    Scowling at the sad look your cousin is giving you – the kind that makes you feel bad and rotten inside -- you reach over your bed and pick up the sandwich, eying it hesitantly before stuffing a large chunk of it into your mouth. You can’t stand that doe-eyed look. Why do you always have to be the one apologizing? Why can't she for once? “Sorry.”

    Her sad expression vanishes (and you wonder if her sad look was even real in the first place) and is replaced by her usual one, albeit a bit angry. “It’s fine, but you’re still a meanie.” She then crawls onto the floor, drawing meaningless circles into the carpet while finishing off her the remains of her sandwich.

    Sighing, you move the still unconscious Caterpie back onto the pillow. “Mom’s not gonna lemme keep it now.”

    “Uncle Will said it was okay,” Stella points out, crawling across the pale colored carpet. “I heard him say so before I came upstairs…”

    “But Mom says it’s not.”

    Stella doesn’t answer, now lying on her side, with her ear against the vent. Is she even listening?

    “Stel –“

    “Shhh!” Stella hisses. “I’m trying to listen.”

    Your curiosity gets the best of you despite yourself. “Listen to what?”

    Stella blinks, but doesn’t move from her spot. She waits a few seconds before answering. “Aunt Claire and Uncle Will. Who else? They’re arguing – well, Aunt Claire is…”

    You blink, feeling a bit hesitant. You’re curious, of course – and who wouldn’t be? But doing something like that makes you feel rather…sneaky, like when you snuck downstairs last Christmas just because you wanted to see what the presents were.

    “Um… maybe you shouldn’t listen…”

    “What? Oh, it’s fine,” Stella says brightly with her usual lopsided grin. “I do it all the time. My dad even showed me how… he calls it… umm… constructive eavesdropping! Yeah, that’s it!”

    You blink in bewilderment. What does constructive mean anyway? “Constructive?”

    “Yeah!” Stella grins, nodding sagely. “Dad says it’s constructive because you learn something about the people you listen to that makes you smarter.” By now, she looks rather contemplative. “ I think that’s how he got my mom to marry him.”

    You slide onto the floor on your hands and knees. Learning’s never been classified as bad, so if you learn something, you should be okay. You reach over and tap Stella on the shoulder. “Move over. I wanna listen.”

    She grins a bit, and moves to the a few inches to the side so you can lie down and listen too. Voices filter up through the vent – your mother and father’s definitely. You scowl a bit as a blast of cool air blows Stella’s blonde locks into your face.

    “Move your hair,” you say gruffly, blowing the blonde strands out of your face irritably as you try to listen and pick up your parents’ dialogue.

    “Not my fault my hair is in the way.”

    “Yeah it is.”

    “Well, my hair was there first.” She sticks out her tongue. “So nyeah!”

    “Ste –“

    This time, she thwaps you on the forehead with her fist. “I said I wanna listen.”

    Scowling (and pushing a few strands of hair out of your face in the process), you quiet, moving over just enough to escape most of her hair. Now that you’re trying to listen, you can easily hear your mother’s voice and your father’s deeper one from the vent.

    “....why didn’t you back me up? You’re supposed to be my husband—”

    “And I’m being one.” There’s a pause, and you think you hear your mother chopping something (or rather, pounding) something into oblivion. You grimace and wonder if that means you’ll be having soup tonight. “However, in my own defense,” your father continues, while the chopping becomes more fervent, “I did say that I bore no responsibility for whatever happened with our son just now.”

    Another very vengeful chop, and a clatter of steel hitting the sink. “Ohhh… you haven’t changed a bit from when I met you, Will! You know that?”

    A pause. “Claire, are those supposed to be almonds for our salad?”

    You can just see your mother glaring at your father – no, you think you can feel all the way up here. You wince involuntarily.

    “You’re just like your brother – tricking people with your words! You say one thing, and then do another, twisting what you said before to your own ends! Will! Put that newspaper down when I’m trying to talk to you.”

    Stella giggles, and you guess that your father probably did as he was told. His voice is a bit sterner now. “Don’t compare me to my brother. He learned his … talents … with words because he liked it. That’s why he’s into politics."

    You have no clue what a politics are, but you shrug and continue listening anyway.

    "If you dare bring journalism into this, I swear I'll --"

    "You'll what?" your father says good-naturedly, with a laugh that probably is making your mother even more annoyed. "Stab me with that fork?"

    “Well, have you also thought about what influence this might have on our child? With you twisting your words around? You are teaching him things, and he watches what you do. Just look at Stella...”

    Beside you, Stella twitches, looking quite pleased with herself.

    “Yes, quite the little fireball, isn’t she?”

    “She’s following right in her father’s footsteps –“

    “I don’t think so,” your father says, and Stella begins to scowl. “She'd the type to make her own. But if that’s true, she’ll make a fine politician one day, I’m sure.”

    “That is not what I was trying to say,” your mother hisses. “Stop trying to change the subject.”

    A few moments pass in silence, until your mother groans.

    “I’m not going to allow Shawn to think he can get away with everything just because you won’t back me up—”

    “On the contrary, you have my full support. You are free to do with the Caterpie as you please… take it out, keep it… whatever you wish.” Your eyes widen. Isn’t Dad supposed to be on your side? “ But I said I would have no part in it. I’m not going to be the devil’s advocate. Whatever you want to do, you’ll have to enforce it yourself, because I don’t think he's going to get rid of Caterpie out himself just because you tell him to. He seems rather attached. You’ll have to do it for him and show him you mean business.”

    “I – I can’t do that! I can’t possibly – there’s no way.”

    “You can, just pick it up and...” You’re guessing your father left the sentence deliberately hanging for a reason.

    “I can’t!”

    Your mother sounds even more stressed now, and you can just imagine your father shrugging everything away. “Then just let him keep it for a few days. It really isn’t that long. And it’s not like the Caterpie is going to be chasing you around the house… I think you succeeded in scaring it half to death.”

    “A few days…”

    “Yes, only a few days. That is what they said, didn’t they?”

    “Fine – a few days, but that’s it.”

    You roll over onto your back, sighing heavily, while fighting the very urge to jump up and shout some sort of exclamation; however, Stella doesn’t bother, yelling “Ha! I told you so!” over and over again.

    The Caterpie is still resting on your bed; it looks like he’s just sleeping now. A smile sneaks its way onto your face, and the atmosphere about room brightens up considerably. You don’t feel as angry at Stella as you did before, and you suppose you shouldn’t have got mad at her. But you’re not going to say that to Stella; as far as you are concerned, she still cheated again, and everything else.

    “See – everything’s going to be fine! Where there’s a Will, there’s a way!”

    Immediately, Stella begins to giggle at her clever choice of words, and you grin widely despite yourself. “Maybe.”

    When Stella stops giggling, she rolls onto her back, arms behind her head, getting that thoughtful look that she only gets when she’s about to tell you to do something. “So now that Caterpie’s gonna stay at your house now, we have to think of a name!”

    “Stella...”

    She pauses for a second – and only one – before responding. “That’s a good name! But it’s mine... and it’s a girl’s name anyway, and Caterpie’s not a girl.”

    Your eyes narrow. “How would you know that?” you ask. “You’re not a grown-up. You’re not old enough to tell yet!”

    Her smug look makes your eyes narrow once more, and she says matter-of-factly: “I know so ‘cause only boys can scream like sissies."
    Last edited by Saffire Persian; 29th December 2007 at 3:13 AM.

  20. #20
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    Awesome, first review!

    Good fic, once again! You just continue to portray the rivalry so wonderfully, I tend to forget that this is just a fic! It seems more like a movie or a memory to me than a number of words. And, of course, that's dense little Caterpie again!

    This time I found more errors; hopefully you won't continue doing them.

    The thing is, Stella waits for no one. A Charizard could have been breathing fire at the doorway and she still would still would have flown towards the door with as much enthusiasm as a Growlithe after a bone.
    That's a word repetition, unless I'm wrong.

    You look at the perhaps doomed soul perched on your shoulder with pity; it’s look is nearly identical – a little more concerned though. You think it can probably tell that you’re angry, so you calm down just a little, not wanting to freak out the Caterpie out more than it already is.
    'It's' means 'It is'. 'Its' is possessive. There are a few more incidents like that; for the sake of not making this too long, I've only mentioned one, but you can use Find (Ctrl+F, if you don't know - but probably you would) to find the rest.

    You can hear your mother calling you now, and you know you’re already taking too long in going inside… You’re mother will get suspicious if you stall much longer, and you don’t want that. You don’t want to leave the Caterpie, because it might wander off, and it doesn’t know where you room is.
    That should be a 'your'.

    Keep it up, and remember what I said.

  21. #21
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    Hello again Saffire! Really good second part! I liked the way how you did the scene with the family, espically the mother. (Why mothers always know we are hiding something from them?) Also, you are right about the Catapie about screaming a lot. Wonder if Catapie will screamed a lot also when it is a Butterfree. Anyways, I would like to first point out some mistakes:

    Stella’s impact makes the Caterpie shriek with terror, before bolting straight into the only escape it can see: the window. The thing is, it isn’t open, and the Caterpie runs strait into it with a hard thud. To your horror, it falls straight over onto its side, and doesn’t move. This time, you are quite sure it’s not playing dead – its fainted.
    I believed that is a misspelled typo. Should be straight.

    A few moments pass in silence, until your mother your mother groans.
    You had put "your mother" twice. Maybe you forgot you had put that sentence already. (Happens to me like that also).

    Now for my favorite parts:
    You mother looks rather irritated at your father’s statement, and you decide to take the opportunity to try and make it into your room while she’s focused on your father. Maybe you’ll be quick enough to fill up your shirt with rocks from your collection before you’re made to come down. And the Caterpie… you can hide the Caterpie in your underwear drawer. Yes, that’s it! Mom would never look in there.
    Good one! It is always the least likely place anyone will go into- the underwear drawer!

    Your eyes lazily follow it its progression as it crawls slowly around your blue bedcovers. It looks amazed, yet hesitant at the same time. It finally reaches the head of your bed, eventually finding the courage to climb atop your pillow, screeching as the pillow sinks because of its weight. You giggle at the sight, wondering how anyone can be scared of a pillow. You continue to watch it as it rises from its frozen stupor, before it gives an experimental jump –
    Funny how the Catapie is scared of pillows. Hope Catapie will not be involved in a pillow fight!

    Keep up the good work and can't wait for the next chapter!
    Last edited by Bay; 11th March 2006 at 9:47 AM.


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    I'm still writing, but probably not much Pokemon stuff at the moment. HAM!


  22. #22
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    Oh, man...I am just enjoying the heck out of this story. Fwee for the staggering cuteness of Caterpie, and...ah, man. The interaction between Will and Claire is a hoot. Very entertaining. ^^

    ...That I get so much enjoyment out of watching (or reading) other people argue is kind of...yeah. XD

    Highlights!

    “Moooom!”

    “Don’t ‘mom’ me. Just show me.”
    That is just so delightfully "mom-ish".

    “I don’t think that’s a very good idea,” you say very, very slowly. You feel the Caterpie twitch inside your shirt.

    “And why not?”

    “Well, you’re not gonna to like it at all,” you say truthfully. “Nuh’uh, not one bit.”
    Now, that is what I call a glorious understatement. XD

    “Maybe you should listen to him, dear,” your father says, clearing his throat rather loudly. “I don’t particularly want to be sleeping on the couch tonight just because you got upset…”
    *snort!*

    You’re almost out of eyesight now. “And where do you think you’re going, young man.”
    Ooh, so close to freedom, too. *winces sympathetically*

    You carefully nudge the Caterpie under your shirt. And slowly but surely, it peeks its head out of the mouth of your shirt. “Pi?”

    Right on cue, your mother shrieks in surprise and it takes only seconds for the Caterpie’s eyes to widen and start to scream. This of course, startles your mother beyond belief, the blood draining out of her face rapidly.
    Ha ha ha, a Kodak moment for sure. XPPP Or maybe it could be on AFV or something. XD

    “Wha…wha…”

    “I believe it’s a Caterpie, Claire.”

    “I know that,” your mother hisses, finding her voice as she wrings her hands nervously.
    ROFL!

    “It don’t li’ me,” Stella giggles brightly from under the table through a mouthful of peanut butter and jelly. “An’ it shoud stay w’ou, ‘cause it’s funny.”
    "And it should stay with you, cause it's funny." I laughed for easily a full minute at that.

    It finally reaches the head of your bed, eventually finding the courage to climb atop your pillow, screeching as the pillow sinks because of its weight. You giggle at the sight, wondering how anyone can be scared of a pillow.
    XDDDD Oh, my gosh...that Caterpie is just too frelling adorable for words. *wants to huggle it, but is concerned about possibly scaring the pee out of it*

    Stella’s impact makes the Caterpie shriek with terror, before bolting straight into the only escape it can see: the window. The thing is, it isn’t open, and the Caterpie runs strait into it with a hard thud.
    Ooh, ouch... >.< I felt that one.

    “YOU SCARED IT! You knocked it out!”

    “I did not!” Her face wrinkling up in stubbornness, she throws one of the sandwiches (crumpled and rather smashed) at you. “The WINDOW did!”
    XDDDDDDDDD

    “Girls…” you mutter under your breath, eying the sandwich with disdain. Growling at her, you throw it on the floor. “I don’t wan’ it. I’ll probably get girl disease from it!”
    YES! FEAR TEH COOTIES!!!!!

    Scowling at the sad look your cousin is giving you – the kind that makes you feel bad and rotten inside -- you reach over your bed and pick up the sandwich, eying it hesitantly before stuffing a large chunk of it into your mouth.
    Ew, floor sammich. o~o

    You scowl a bit as a blast of cool air blows Stella’s blonde locks into your face.

    “Move your hair,” you say gruffly, blowing the blonde strands out of your face irritably as you try to listen and pick up your parents’ dialogue.

    “Not my fault my hair is in the way.”

    “Yeah it is.”

    “Well, my hair was there first.” She sticks out her tongue. “So nyeah!”
    Oh, my gosh...I just LOVE that section to death. ^___^

    “Ste –“

    This time, she thwaps you on the forehead with her fist. “I said I wanna listen.”
    *SNORT!* XDDDD

    There’s a pause, and you think you hear your mother chopping something (or rather, pounding something into oblivion). You grimace and wonder if that means you’ll be having soup tonight.
    XD Nice.

    She pauses for a second – and only one – before responding. “That’s a good name! But it’s mine... and it’s a girl’s name anyway, and Caterpie’s not a girl.”

    Your eyes narrow. “How would you know that?” you ask. “You’re not a grown-up. You’re not old enough to tell yet!”

    Her smug look makes your eyes narrow once more, and she says matter-of-factly: “I know so ‘cause only boys can scream like sissies."
    XDDDDDDDD *stands up and applauds*

    Oh, and I liked the little quote at the end of the chapter, too. :3 Definitely sounds like an apt description of my family - only mine would have more emphasis on the "nuts" part. XDDD
    DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK
    (Or do. I don't actually mind.)
    The Origin of Storms | Communication

  23. #23

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    Dragonfire2 :.. Yes.. poor dense Caterpie... In his defense, he's never been nor seen a house before. XDXD And find and replace... that's not a bad idea at all.. o.o I've never thought of using that! Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.. stupid typos.. But if that's mainly the problem with the story.. I consider myself well off.. typos are easier to fix than the more internal things in the story. Thanks for your review!

    Bay : Let's just say the Caterpie in Butterfree form will still have the same personality. XDXD.. But his screaming won't be so cute anymore. As a Caterpie.. I find its screaming cute.. 0_o.. Though when I think of how he's going to be when he's a Metapod.. Oi. Pillow fight? XD.. Lets hope note. Thanks for your review! And thanks for pointing out those stupid errors!

    Sike: o.o Yes.. I find their arguments amusing, too. You have to wonder how they ever got married. And yes, fear the cooties! XDXD.. And your family more filled with 'nuts' than chocolate? Well. ^_^;.. Must be fun! XD.. And we will get to see more Claire/Will interactions in the future. 0_o.. I love the two to death.. though I have to admit.. Stella's my fave. She wasn't ever supposed to make it as a main character.. but.. she wasn't satisfied with that and decided to fight her way to the top... Thanks for your review!

  24. #24
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    Another great one Persian, I'll give comments after the correction.

    while Stella crawls takes her time crawling out from underneath the table.
    Just remove the unnesacery crawls and you'll be good.

    Now for the good stuff, since some of the ones I was going to point out have already been done, I won't comment on them, but here's some more I found funny:

    Stella doesn’t answer, lying on her side, with her ear against the vent. Is she even listening?
    I used to do this at my Grandparents house, so gold star for capturing a true kid moment here.

    he calls it… umm… constructive eavesdropping! Yeah, that’s it!”
    I'll have to use that excuse sometime...

    and she says matter-of-factly: “I know so ‘cause only boys can scream like sissies."
    Already been pointed out, but I think this one deserves another notice. Great job.

    As to the scene in the kitchen, that was really another golden moment in this fic. I felt like I was there, trying to sneak up those stairs while she was distracted. Hope we can see more of these scenes in chapters ahead.
    Favorite pokemon of all time:


    Sixteen Flavors of Pokemon is being written now. Pokemon so far: Kakuna, Murkrow,
    ~Bigbrother

  25. #25

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    Bigbrother : Thanks for pointing out the error! I'll be going over it in depth to fix the rest, soon. ^_^..Well, any I can spot. And I used to do the vent thing all the time, too. ^_^... Thanks a ton for your review!

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