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Thread: Knowing The Truth [Rate//PG][AshMay]

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  1. #1
    Yuffie Guest

    Default Knowing The Truth [Rate//PG][AshMay]

    Knowing The Truth
    By; Light_Pikachu

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    I rested my head on the rock that was behind me. Today was indeed a very horrible day for me. By accident, I fell down a cliff, but luckly I was saved by Ash. I could of died If It weren't for him.

    "What's up, May?" Asked Ash as he took a seat on the ground, right beside.

    "Oh, nothing." I replied.

    "Are you okay after what happened an hour ago?"

    "Oh yes. I am." I said with a smile, but I was actually lying. I still had a little pain.

    Ash nodded.

    There was complete silence for seven whole minutes.

    "Ash..." I was interupted when Max and Brock were getting close to us.

    "Guys, when are we heading to the next town?" Asked Max. I could tell, he was in a big rush."

    "Max, be patient!" I stated back at him.

    "Yeah, May has a point there." Said Ash, agreeing with me.

    "Well, we can begin our travelling to the next town tomorrow. Now, we must get to sleep." Brock said as he searched inside his bagpack.

    We nodded. In about an hour, we were all in our sleeping bags. Ash and Pikachu in the blue one, Max in the green one, Brock in the orange one and I was in the red one. I always slept with all of my pokeballs beside me.

    I sat up and quickly turned to Ash. I smiled and got close to him. There was something that I was willing to tell him. Something that meant so much to me.

    I was about to wake him up when I paused. 'Should I wake him up? Or Should I not?' I thought.

    I decided to wake him up.

    "Ash? Wake up..." I whispered as I began shaking him. "Wake up Ash." My heart skipped a beat as he opened his eyes.

    "May. What's wrong?" He asked.

    I stood there, blushing. "Um... um..."

    "May?"

    'What are you saying, May?' I thought to myself.

    "Um... Ash."

    "Yes May?" I could tell that he was starting to get sort of impatient.

    "Ash... I... I..."

    "May?"

    "Oh Ash! I LOVE YOU!" I shouted loudly. But I was so lucky, that I didn't wake the others up.

    My face turned into a tomatoe red~ish color. "You know Ash, If you don't like me back... then I understand. I know you love Misty." I said quickly.

    Ash just sat there. He wasn't blushing or anything, and he also didn't have a face like he was upset. He smiled.

    All of a sudden, I felt his arms around my waist.

    "A... Ash."

    "May, I love you, not Misty. Misty is just a good friend, that is all." He brought me close to him. I rested my head on his shoulder.

    'Oh Ash, and I thought you liked Misty more.' I thought.

    He began stroking my hair gently.

    I guess today wasn't a horrible day... after all.

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    [Light Pikachu// Hope you enjoyed. Please don't leave rude comments or anything. ;| Please correct me if there were any spelling errors. ^__^ Thanks!]

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Coruscant
    Posts
    469

    Default

    I hope this is a one shot

    If it is its good...if it isnt....then its rushed beyond reason^^

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Exiled by Katrina Steiner
    Posts
    80

    Thumbs down

    Where's the first 95% of this? To put it kindly, if this is all there is to it, then you've rushed this beyond all reason. Not to mention that neither May nor Ash would *ever* blurt out "I love you!!!" out of the blue like that. Why is May worrying about Misty? How did May get injured? Where is all of the buildup to this? You Fail Miserably, kiddo. Read the other Advanceshipping fics here so you can get an idea of how to do a proper job of it.

  4. #4
    Ember Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Gryphon Turboclaw
    Where's the first 95% of this? To put it kindly, if this is all there is to it, then you've rushed this beyond all reason. Not to mention that neither May nor Ash would *ever* blurt out "I love you!!!" out of the blue like that. Why is May worrying about Misty? How did May get injured? Where is all of the buildup to this? You Fail Miserably, kiddo. Read the other Advanceshipping fics here so you can get an idea of how to do a proper job of it.
    Well, you took the words right out of my mouth. ^^; Anyways, as they said it's to short, lacking in description and a storyline. Try to look at some other fanfictions. This is a one-shot right?

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Coruscant
    Posts
    469

    Default

    gee...way to be nice -_-'.....but he is right....try reading ones from Power Shot or CyhberCubed....for one-shots look at Ravels..

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    171

    Default

    Yeah, it seems more to be rushed and you need to introduce the characters at the beginning of the story and you need to be a little more discriptive. And you need to make sure that the characters aren't a tad OOC, ok? Overall seems to have a good start with the plot

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