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Thread: The Great Pottashi Disaster!

  1. #1
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    Default The Great Pottashi Disaster!

    This is a short, insane crackficoneshot thing I did. It was made to be stupid or get a laugh out of you. Or both. It was inspired by Gravey's drawing of the Poochama line, and Pottashi's dex entry. As yes. they really are that stuck up.

    So enjoy.

    Rating: PG

    Ohnoez DOOM FOR POTTASHI!?

    “Oh Mew the inhumanity!” Random Joe Shmoe exclaimed as he read the headlines on the newspaper. His early morning breakfast was ruined now, in his exaggerated moment of drama that some could call very new modern dance and self expresion, he'd sent his coffee flying and eggs onto the floor.

    In great big words, underlined, bolded, italicised and gilded in gold just about; “Fifty colonie's of Pottashi poached! Team Galexy suspected!”

    He had to tell someone! Anyone! And it hit Random Joe Shmoe, there were two trainers living right down the block!

    Snatching up the paper that had escaped him in his lack of caffine induced spasam, R.J. Shmoe darted with all speed out of his apartment, and down the flight of stairs that hadn't been there the day before. Whizzed by old Mrs Joan Shmoe, his great, great, great grandmother, or maybe aunt twice removed, no one knew for certain, no one cared. And in his blur of speed, R.J. Shmoe made it out of the house, still in his sunflora print PJ's and bed head orange hair and lime green eyes clouded by sandman's dust. But all of this was ignored by Shmoe, for he was on a mission! He had to warn trainers before team Galexy came for the now probably nearly extinct Pottashi!

    Though for all his speed it still took Random Joe Shmoe fifteen minutes to reach his destination, for he'd forgotten to drink his coffee. But once he was there, doubled over and panting harshly, Shmoe saw his targets, and in a wheezed out pant of a breath, warned the two children.

    Who kindly thanked Random Joe Shmoe by saying, “Are you completely nutters? Don't you know anything about Pottashi?” and the older looking one pulled out a dex as the younger finished. And in a blaring, mechanical voice, the pokedex exclaimed; “Pottashi, the penguin pokemon. Pottashi are very pridefull pokemon. So pridefull they decalre themselves the best of everything, and form colonies of one. Rarely coming together to breed, Pottashi are loners by nature.”

    “Crazy old man,” the older kid exclaimed, turning to the younger one that erriely looked alot like himself. Maybe they were related to Nurse Joy- they had pink hair and looked feminine enough to be girls. Male Nurse Joys- that thought alone that went through Random Joe Shmoe's mind was almost enough to make him go into siezrues as the two young trainers left the floundering Shmoe on the ground.
    The End.
    For Random Joe Shmoe anyways.

  2. #2
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    No description, too short to be a chapter. Read the advice for aspiring authors.
    Check out my trading thread and PM me with offers.

    New story, Beyond the Sea's Horizon, is out! Read and review it here

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    Quote Originally Posted by Yami Ryu
    It was made to be stupid
    Quote Originally Posted by Rules
    Humour Fanfictions: Length is to be over a page at LEAST within reason, there are the odd ones that crack it in less (Question Time, an absolutely fantastic RyouxBakura one is a perfect example, I was falling off the chair laughing so much the shortness didn't bother me) but it should not be used as an excuse for sloppy work. Pad it out if you feel it needs it, usually it does need it and one trick pony is least likely to work compared to a running one.
    You seem like a wannabe critic to me. Which is utterly ironic, seeing how Yami Ryu the Critic (not trying to suck up to her or anything :P) is the author of this fic. =/

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    Quote Originally Posted by pathophobe View Post
    No description, too short to be a chapter. Read the advice for aspiring authors.
    That's surprising for Yami Ryu... I guess she got tired of seeing all the short crud that's been appearing, and decided to spaz?

    Anyhoo, I ditto with the quote... Besides the read advice for aspring authors...

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    Um, hello? Anyone read my post up there? It's perfectly within the rules for her to write a chapter of one MSWord page.

    And I don't see a problem with description, to be frank.

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    LOL I find this absolutely funny. Why? Dragonfree makes a one shot 7 lines long, that has no description, about the move imprisson, and it's basically a Vulpix screaming for a lawyer, there's no description really, and everyone loves it, then she *****es to have the rules changed for short one shots.

    And now you all, excluding CWisgood, try to jump the critic bandwagon? Fudge. Off. KK?

    X3 I am not the hypocrit here lalalala.

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    Keeping in mind that you had intended to make this a "short, insane crackficoneshot thing made to be stupid or get a laugh out of readers," I will reply with my thoughts about this...work of art.

    I can tell it was an inside joke, 'cause I didn't laugh...or follow it much at all. Instead, I just scratched my head awkwardly, wondering what the heck I just finished reading.

    There were quite a few typos, too, intended or not. If you wanted to make everybody laugh, then next time I think you should make a fan fiction that makes a little more sense. If not, keep doing what you're doing. It's definitely, erm, different.

    As for this whole "critic bandwagon" thing, maybe it has to do with the fact that you're always posting angry, furious, frustrated, intense, violent messages on the most horrible fan fictions posted here? Don't get me wrong, I think it's good that you're telling them to...read the rules and advice. But, it's not exactly going to get you a bunch of loveable fans when you create a story nearly equal to their crappiness on the outside of the inside joke. It seems very hypocritical, as you've heard here already.

    And, Dragonfree, I believe, doesn't go around posting everywhere screaming at newbie authors, so people aren't going to call him/her a hypocrite for making a short One Shot that's not exactly "the best." If what you say is true, I agree with you -- it doesn't sound like something I'd "love" -- but a healthier reputation is what many people care about.

    I mean, look at me. I came across these forums as kind of...harsh and frustrated, I suppose...and now it seems people don't really like me, based on the 0 amount of readers I have + the two 1 star rates.

    But I digress. It wasn't my cup of tea, but I'm sure it'll amuse, uh, Gravey...?

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    Sigh.

    and Pottashi's dex entry
    Don't believe me? Go look at the dex entry for Pottashi. It lives in 'colonies' of one because it's so pridefull, they each think they are better than other Pottashi. It is not an inside joke with the user Gravey.

    And also;

    It was made to be stupid or get a laugh out of you. Or both.
    So it was stupid to you, I get that. Oh and also Weaver, I know I'm a hypocrit oh and I know they don't love me- I had 15 people once 1star a fic of mine. So yes, I know the idiots don't love me.

    And if you take a look to what CWisgood posted- you'd see actually, I'm not the hypocritical one here anyways, atm.

  9. #9

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    Admit it Yami Ryu, for once, you did bad in a Fic. Just like most of us. I think some spellings are wrong like Galaxy.
    What signature? | My future Firered No Arms team. | Below are my first and future 4th Gen team (Diamond).
    (other three Pokemon to be announced)
    I don't use "uber" Pokemon, I don't calculate stat values, I don't use cheating devices, I don't breed my way to perfection, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are, and treat them like individuals instead of brainless drones. If you use this philosophy, copy & paste this into your signature.(Started by Tyranitar)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pottsie View Post
    Admit it Yami Ryu, for once, you did bad in a Fic. Just like most of us. I think some spellings are wrong like Galaxy.
    And it's bad how? Seriously. Actually I think I'm doing fine as lately I've been getting more reviews than my reposting of Angel vs Team Magma, and a handfull of other pokemon fics I did in the past.

    So ... my fic is bad how?

    Edit: Correction, one shot.

  11. #11

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    I'm joking Yami Ryu. Although the only reason I read this was because the Water Starter line in D/P are my favourite Starter.
    What signature? | My future Firered No Arms team. | Below are my first and future 4th Gen team (Diamond).
    (other three Pokemon to be announced)
    I don't use "uber" Pokemon, I don't calculate stat values, I don't use cheating devices, I don't breed my way to perfection, and I don't care about natures. I catch my Pokemon the way they are, and treat them like individuals instead of brainless drones. If you use this philosophy, copy & paste this into your signature.(Started by Tyranitar)

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    The point Yami is trying to get across is that there are a significant amout of stupid, 4 line long first chapters that are so bad, the fics that they belonged to were closed. Yami Ryu is just showing how she's annoyed at fics like that, and she's simply shown her point in a different and funny way.

    Am I right or am I wrong?

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    Oh my... I don't really know what to think about this work. xD I see the irony in the dex entry though... why call them "colonies" if it's only one Pottashi? Lol. Nice little rib at the dex entry; I'll definitely give you that. :P

    As for the spelling and grammar, it definitely needs work. It almost looks as though this was thrown together and submitted without being proofread. >_< Then again, I have very high standards when it comes to grammar and readability, so I hope I'm not being too harsh here.

    I really liked the exaggerated way the characters behaved. :P And the name of the protagonist... lol. Oh, and when you mentioned the concept of male Nurse Joys, that cracked me up, even without the induced seizures. xD Good job there.

    It was short, got in its rib on the 'dex entry, and managed to awaken some of the more critical of our members as they came to pick it apart. I'd consider this fic "mission accomplished" if I were you. xD

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    Quote Originally Posted by Crimson Blaziken View Post
    The point Yami is trying to get across is that there are a significant amout of stupid, 4 line long first chapters that are so bad, the fics that they belonged to were closed. Yami Ryu is just showing how she's annoyed at fics like that, and she's simply shown her point in a different and funny way.

    Am I right or am I wrong?
    Wrong, to an extent. This was actually only going to be seven lines because I wanted to also poke fun at the one shot I mentioned. But then I realised I had made it longer than seven lines as even I can't skimp a story out that much. And it couldn't be longer as the one shot had already reached the full point of why it was made. Someone finding out the 'bad news' caused by 'insert new team here' and over reacted for he wasn't a trainer.

    There was one fic I was dared to do by an Admin, 'make a script fic' so I sorta did. It was a jab at the bad script fics/mary sue fics going on at the time, legendaries and such. But unfortunately I lost it, and it was pretty funny too :/

    Quote Originally Posted by Shuko
    As for the spelling and grammar, it definitely needs work. It almost looks as though this was thrown together and submitted without being proofread. >_< Then again, I have very high standards when it comes to grammar and readability, so I hope I'm not being too harsh here
    I was lazy, that was why I didn't proof read that and the only person I would have bothered to have proof read for me, was asleep. So yeah, I was just being a lazy sod for not catching the typos XD

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    In response to your rude PM, Yami Ryu, and thinking that you were somewhat nice, I missed your intro. I usually go on with the fic. I couldn't PM you back, as it said you could not be PM;ed.

    As for constructiveness, I'll try, to perhaps to make up for making you mad, as I didn't read your note, as I don't like it when someone hates me...

    It was short(You're gonna murder me for saying that again, aren't you...?), but then again, the rules say that it doesn't have to be long as long as it's funny.

    To me, writing comedy is hard. I'm so plain, that people make fun of me for it.

    And another thing... I didn't really get the jokes. I guess it's because I'm still... Young and stupid. But Random Joe Shmoe was a creepy, but funnay name. Reminds me of my bro's e-mail address...

    “Crazy old man,” the older kid exclaimed, turning to the younger one that erriely looked alot like himself. Maybe they were related to Nurse Joy- they had pink hair and looked feminine enough to be girls. Male Nurse Joys- that thought alone that went through Random Joe Shmoe's mind was almost enough to make him go into siezrues as the two young trainers left the floundering Shmoe on the ground.
    Male Nurse Joys... Lol. And yeah, there were strange typos. The fact you stated you were lazy... Made me think the impossible, as you are always saying stuff like "Don't be lazy with your fic" and such.

    I'll tell mum and dad, today that I learned something new... "Always read intros, and stuff that's not in the story, as it may contain something important."

    Edit: And I was not ignoring your advice. I try to use as much advice as my readers post. In fact, what made me get better? One Charmed Dude saying: OHHHH GREAT CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!! or you giving actual advice? Seriously, nobody else really said anything that helped. I mean sure, they gave encouragement, but why would they encourage me if I sucked at writing?
    Last edited by Sammi; 2nd November 2006 at 2:00 AM.

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    Ehh, who cares about all this negativity. I liked it. Nice oneshot. I laughed at the "Male Nurse Joy." Vivid images.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cult Leader Lettuce View Post
    Man, I really hate to say this, but I give this shiz a one star rating.

    It's supposed to be bad. It pokes fun at Pottashi's dex entry, bad script fics, and Mary Sues/Gary Stus. I'd like to see you write a humour fic that's any better.


    I actually got a laugh out of this. It may not win any awards, but it fufilled it's purpose to be stupid, and get a good laugh out of me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Yami Ryu View Post
    Man I really hate to say this, but I'm reporting you for spam
    Yami... You seem really happy all of a sudden. O.o

    And yeah, it's supposed to be bad, like the above posts. Humor, in a strange way. Have you even read it? It can't be that bad. The male nurse Joys was funny.

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    Sorry for off topicness: ^ Yes Yami you do seem REALLY happy all of a sudden

    To say the least Yami, I enjoyed this. Though there is one thing I don't understand, why would the paper say that the Pottashi got poached. Wait... I just got that now, it was saying that fifty to be exact were poached right? ANYWAY the Male nurse joys now I got another real laugh out of that one. Almost swallowed my gum. Good, bad job Yami Ryu I enoyed this fic ... *runs for safty*

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    I knew immediately that I’d get a nice laugh out of reading this when I saw that there was a character called “Random Joe Shmoe”. XP The little dig at the Pokédex entry was nice, but I think what really got me was that this guy had a grandroyal spaz-panic attack, and was then brought back down to Earth (in a seizure) by two “Male Nurse Joys” and their quoting of the Pokédex. Just nice and silly all throughout, and so yeah, I couldn’t help but enjoy it.

    Random little things that made me chuckle:

    In great big words, underlined, bolded, italicised and gilded in gold just about; “Fifty colonie's of Pottashi poached! Team Galexy suspected!”
    Whizzed by old Mrs Joan Shmoe, his great, great, great grandmother, or maybe aunt twice removed, no one knew for certain, no one cared.
    Maybe they were related to Nurse Joy- they had pink hair and looked feminine enough to be girls. Male Nurse Joys- that thought alone that went through Random Joe Shmoe's mind was almost enough to make him go into siezrues as the two young trainers left the floundering Shmoe on the ground.
    DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK
    (Or do. I don't actually mind.)
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    No description, too short to be a chapter. Read the advice for aspiring authors.
    Lol, I just had to quote this, Yami Ryu doesn't need to read the "Advice for aspiring authors."!

    Even your "This is a short, insane crackficoneshot thing I did." are better than what I could have done! Yes, its forfilled its purpose to get a laugh out of someone, and some of the crits have done the same too!

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