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Thread: ~Escape~ (One-shot)

  1. #1
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    Default ~Escape~ (One-shot)

    Running…always running.

    Endlessly…eternally…the rushing gales and howling winds announced my presence as I tore through the woods and flew over the rolling plains. Blades of emerald grass licked at my paws, and the endless reaches of forest seemingly moved aside at my command. Ducking left, moving right, leaping through the midst of branches without touching a single leaf and yet causing every inch of foliage to rustle violently.

    I had no idea where I was going, and yet something inside drove me on… Instinct? Love, perhaps? I hadn’t a clue, and yet I continued on through the highlands and into the mountains, crossing from the far reaches of one region into the northern wilderness of another. Hundreds of miles swept aside like the wind. With a glance at the sky, I could see the veil of cloud cover that hung over the air, streaked with jagged bolts of lightning.

    Noticing the already dying storm, I slowed my pace, knowing that I was closer than ever--somehow I could feel it. My paws left tracks in the thick mud as I trotted through the lifeless wintry forest. A hush fell over the surrounding, and I could sense the presence of several nearby Pokémon, muttering amongst themselves as their eyes followed my movements. I emerged from the trees and into a bare clearing, which immediately ended in a sheer drop. Slowly, I approached the cliff and leaned forward, but my gaze was met only by never-ending wilderness.

    I glanced over my shoulder, perplexed. Only then did I notice the tracks other than my own: human footprints, and the imprint of some huge beast. Then my eyes fell upon the three-toed prints with huge claws; they were spaced far apart, so whatever made them was obviously traveling at high speed.

    “What happened here?!” I barked, lunging back into the trees and glaring around, searching for someone who could give me an answer. All sound ceased instantly the second I spoke. Scarlet eyes scanned every inch of the surrounding—they had to be there.

    After some time, the sound of rustling branches reached my ears, and I turned instantly to see a wizened old owl drift lightly down onto a branch before me. Obviously he held more respect than fear, for none of the others would even look at me now.

    “Great Mistress of the North Wind, do not be angry with us. The Lord of Thunder approached a human in that clearing there. The human was alone, so there was no apparent danger. It opened a capture ball, however, and confronted the Beast.” He paused slightly, deeply concerned.

    “Yes?” I asked, my voice less threatening upon seeing his calm, dignified respect.

    “The Beast did not wish to run the risk that others of your Order have in the past. He rushed off into the Johto mountains.”

    Lies!!!” I hissed, my voice a deadly growl now. “Raikou would not have run from anything!!! Tell me what happened before I kill every one of you goddamn vermin in this whole forest!!!” I demanded, my breath shaking in denial of what I knew was coming. There was no other reason for him to lie.

    I could hear several concealed onlookers let out a fearful gasp upon hearing his name. I glared at the bird, whose demeanor had changed to a solemn and sincere gaze. “My apologies, Great Beast. The Thunder Lord did indeed confront the human and its monster. He then rushed toward the human to plunge his fangs into its neck. He could not possibly have foreseen that he would be met with a capture ball. It must have been more powerful that the ordinary ones, because he could not break free.”

    I took several steps backward, my furious glare becoming a helpless gape. It couldn’t be true, it couldn’t. I remembered the feeling I’d held when Ho-oh had told me…so long ago. It was the same feeling that had led me here. I released my hold over the air and let the natural wind break the silence as I rushed off, determined to get away from there.

    It just couldn’t be true…

    First Entei, now Raikou, God damn it!!!

    My blazing form ripped through the woods as I sprinted at speeds I had never dared to attain. Heavy footfalls, the pounding of my heart in my chest, the howl of the wind… I tightened my control over the gales, sending blade-like zephyrs out before me to shred through anything in my path. Wood splintered as branches were torn off; hundreds of trees were ripped out by the roots and thrown aside as if they were nothing but twigs.

    I knew I couldn’t demolish an entire town, but oh how I loved to see human dwellings and other structures explode into debris instantly. I knew that not all humans were to blame, and that most of them didn’t even know that their kind was dangerously close to becoming superior to us, but did I ever wish that they did. I wished they all were like the ones who exploited that superiority to overtake us.

    Raikou and Entei were gone. Maybe not dead, but it didn't matter. The Order of the Legends were dying, and nothing could be done about it. God damn humans, why couldn’t they all be like the evil parasites who fed off of our power?!

    I sprinted numbly off into the infinite wilderness, neither knowing where I was going, nor caring.

    Running…always running. It was the only escape from the pain.

    No… There was no escape.


    Ever wondered what would happen if humans had the power to overthrow the Legendaries? To either use them for their own ends, or eliminate them altogether? One thing is for certain...the balance between human and Legendary is unstable.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    8/30/12: CHAPTER 7: “Into the Fire” POSTED!!!
    Chapter 8 progress: 9/12 pages


  2. #2

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    Good…that was good. I was near.
    A bit awkward.

    My apologies, Great Beast. The Thunder Lord did indeed confront the human and its monster. He then rushed toward the human to plunge his ***s into its neck.
    Uh... I'm not about to get in to how weird that looks >.<

    My blazing from ripped through the woods as I sprinted at speeds I had never dared to attain.
    Should be form.

    Anyway, me like. It was quite interesting. Description was all nice and dandy. But if felt more out of a chaptered fic than it did a One-shot, but I don't think that matters much.

    Over all, good job... God, I haven't reviewed in a long while, so not much else for me to say.

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  3. #3
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    Good. I like Suicune's personality here. Well done.


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    Whoa. That's really good! ^^ There are a few small mistakes here and there, and a couple of sentences were... they didn't sound right. Like:

    Good…that was good. I was near.
    Maybe it should have been more like, "Noticing the already dying storm, I slowed my pace, relieved. I was closer than ever."

    Like, possibly joining that first sentence of the next paragraph with that one?

    Maybe not dead, but worse than that. The Order of the Legends was dying, though, and nothing could be done about it.
    I don't know why. It just sounds... Odd. Not the whole thing, but I think they should be joined in someway like, "Maybe not dead, but it didn't matter. The Order of the Legends were dying, and nothing could be done about it."

    I knew I couldn’t demolish an entire town, but oh, how I loved to see human dwellings and other structures explode into debris instantly.
    I don't know if the comma after "oh" and before "how" is needed. O.o;; And what other structures? You didn't have to be specific since everyone knew what you were going at... But still. ^_^

    The description was really good. I could almost feel as if I were Suicune in the forest. I personally think you should continue with this and create a fanfic.

    You did a really good job. Congrats! ^_^

  5. #5
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    Uh... I'm not about to get in to how weird that looks >.<
    Lol, um *cough* I think what happened is I misspelled "fangs" and well, missed the n so it got swearfiltered. *laughs*
    Good. I like Suicune's personality here. Well done.
    (gives Butler Empire cake)
    Thanks. Fwee, cake! ^^
    Maybe it should have been more like, "Noticing the already dying storm, I slowed my pace, relieved. I was closer than ever."
    Yeah, that could work, since Byzantium also thought that it seemed out of place.
    I don't know why. It just sounds... Odd. Not the whole thing, but I think they should be joined in someway like, "Maybe not dead, but it didn't matter. The Order of the Legends were dying, and nothing could be done about it."
    I see what you mean. That works. =/
    I don't know if the comma after "oh" and before "how" is needed. O.o;; And what other structures? You didn't have to be specific since everyone knew what you were going at... But still. ^_^
    Err, I'm not sure. ^^;;;;; I meant like random buildings in the woods, I dunno, like maybe ranger stations, since they're not all gonna be houses.
    The description was really good. I could almost feel as if I were Suicune in the forest. I personally think you should continue with this and create a fanfic.
    Thanks. ^^ I would be kinda awkward to make a fic outta it, though, since a lot of the details (like Raikou and Entei getting captured, for instance, and the fact that TR is capturing Legendaries) tie into my main fic. Also, this is the sequel to an older one-shot one mine, Reaction, which was from the POV of the person who captured Raikou. I figured that this one-shot could stand alone without it, though.

    Thanks for reviewing, everyone! *cookies*

    ~Chibi~<?>


    Ever wondered what would happen if humans had the power to overthrow the Legendaries? To either use them for their own ends, or eliminate them altogether? One thing is for certain...the balance between human and Legendary is unstable.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    8/30/12: CHAPTER 7: “Into the Fire” POSTED!!!
    Chapter 8 progress: 9/12 pages


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    ^^ Thanks, and you're welcome.

    Have a nice day!

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    Yay! Another one- shot! *eye twitches from happiness* (Don't ask :P)

    I especially love your use of the word 'zephyr'. I freaking love that word. :3
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    Lol, I figured that you'd read it ^^; *cookie*

    Yeah, I like the word zephyr too, it's just so fun to use! XP

    ~Chibi~<?>


    Ever wondered what would happen if humans had the power to overthrow the Legendaries? To either use them for their own ends, or eliminate them altogether? One thing is for certain...the balance between human and Legendary is unstable.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    8/30/12: CHAPTER 7: “Into the Fire” POSTED!!!
    Chapter 8 progress: 9/12 pages


  9. #9
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    This reminds me of a LOAL story. *nod*

    Very nice, Chibi-san. I always wanted to know a reason for the beasts' incentive to run. You've given an excellent explanation here.

    The cussing felt slightly unecessary. I don't mind swears in most Fanfiction, but it just felt... Out of place here. I'd never picture Suicune cursing, even if he is enraged. *shrug* Just my opinion.

    I hope you write more stories like this. 8) Makes me think back to my series... *sigh*

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  10. #10
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    You'd better figure it out, Chibi, because I look at every thread you make. XD

    PS- I love the word zephyr so much it's having a key role in my fanfic, AND my real story (that's right, I'm planning to be a writer XD).
    Sig is currently blank.

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  11. #11
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    Yes, yes, I am glad to see that you are not completely lazy with your work here. Of course I am a tad bit confused with the events that happen in the story here because it has been so long since you have done anything with the story so my mind has gotten a bit rusty.

    I enjoy your portrayal of suicune's anger and the fear that the other pokemon have for her/it. Her anger perfectly portrays what a normal person would feel in that situation. It adds a level of connectivity between her and the reader. In that it draws the reader in. Fear is respect though, isn't it? Or vice versa, I'm too lazy to think about it right now. If I remember correctly, you enjoy it when people don't over-praise your work, so I'll say you did a pretty decent job for how long it's been since you made a chapter.

  12. #12
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    This reminds me of a LOAL story. *nod*
    Lol, I figured you'd say that. ^^
    The cussing felt slightly unecessary. I don't mind swears in most Fanfiction, but it just felt... Out of place here. I'd never picture Suicune cursing, even if he is enraged. *shrug* Just my opinion.
    Darn. >< I dunno, maybe it just seemed fitting to me, considering the way I've made her in my main fic. *thinks* Yeah, that's it.

    Thanks for reviewing, Blue-chan! ^^
    I enjoy your portrayal of suicune's anger and the fear that the other pokemon have for her/it. Her anger perfectly portrays what a normal person would feel in that situation. It adds a level of connectivity between her and the reader. In that it draws the reader in.
    Thanks, I always try to go for that, especially with Legendaries. That, and Suicune's personality has always appealed to me, ever since she first appeared in Chapter 11.
    Fear is respect though, isn't it? Or vice versa, I'm too lazy to think about it right now. If I remember correctly, you enjoy it when people don't over-praise your work, so I'll say you did a pretty decent job for how long it's been since you made a chapter.
    Hmm...I suppose...regarding the fear/respect thing, I mean. Yeah, it's been awhile hasn't it, although I hate to say, I've had plenty of writing experience in the long chapter gap with various other one-shots that I haven't finished (and then of course there's the evil temptation to write chapters 17, 18, and 25 XP)

    ~Chibi~<?>


    Ever wondered what would happen if humans had the power to overthrow the Legendaries? To either use them for their own ends, or eliminate them altogether? One thing is for certain...the balance between human and Legendary is unstable.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    8/30/12: CHAPTER 7: “Into the Fire” POSTED!!!
    Chapter 8 progress: 9/12 pages


  13. #13
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    Wow...

    Now I kind of feel bad about milking extra Master Balls from resetting Gold to throw at the legendary Beasts... ^^;;;


    I absolutely love the portrayal of Suicune's emotions; she responded to the news of Raikou's capture in what I think were very fitting and accurate ways. Also really loved her fury towards humanity, knowing that they aren't all to blame and therefore not punishable - yet wishing they were. X3 Awesome. I also think that the descriptive style you used was very nice. ^^

    Highlights:

    Endlessly…eternally…the rushing gales and howling winds announced my presence as I tore through the woods and flew over the rolling plains.
    I knew I couldn’t demolish an entire town, but oh how I loved to see human dwellings and other structures explode into debris instantly. I knew that not all humans were to blame, and that most of them didn’t even know that their kind was dangerously close to becoming superior to us, but did I ever wish that they did. I wished they all were like the ones who exploited that superiority to overtake us.
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  14. #14
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    Now I kind of feel bad about milking extra Master Balls from resetting Gold to throw at the legendary Beasts... ^^;;;
    Lol, that quote made my day. XP
    I absolutely love the portrayal of Suicune's emotions; she responded to the news of Raikou's capture in what I think were very fitting and accurate ways. Also really loved her fury towards humanity, knowing that they aren't all to blame and therefore not punishable - yet wishing they were. X3 Awesome. I also think that the descriptive style you used was very nice. ^^
    Thanks! Yeah, I've always wanted to show that feeling in a Legendary, especially after Chapter 11 ^^ One thing's for sure, in LC, I've always wanted to stay away from Legendaries thinking all humans are evil (just like how I've wanted to avoid portraying TR as all evil.)
    In short, I hate stereotypes. XP

    ~Chibi~<?>


    Ever wondered what would happen if humans had the power to overthrow the Legendaries? To either use them for their own ends, or eliminate them altogether? One thing is for certain...the balance between human and Legendary is unstable.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    8/30/12: CHAPTER 7: “Into the Fire” POSTED!!!
    Chapter 8 progress: 9/12 pages


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