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Thread: Apocalypse Rising

  1. #1
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    Default Apocalypse Rising

    Well, I noticed that in my absense, my unique story's thread has disappeared. This is not a fic persay, but more of a set of novels. I am writing it in hopes of one day getting it published. I post it here as a means of getting criticism and comments.

    It was good that the original was deleted. I have gone back and totally re-written a lot of it, and it's much better this time around. (much like I'm doing for SfK). So, without further ado, welcome to the world of The Apocalypse Trilogy

    Chapter lengths are purposely short as it it written novel style. For this reason, several chapters may be posted at once.

    Book 1: Apocalypse Rising


    Chapter 1
    Chapter 2


    Chapter 1

    “We are the hollow men
    We are the stuffed men
    Leaning together
    Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
    Our dried voices, when
    We whisper together
    Are quiet and meaningless
    As wind in dry grass
    Or rats' feet over broken glass
    In our dry cellar”- Robert Frost (“The Hollow Men”)

    Baybury, Florida; April 16th, 2030

    A limousine sped along the highway, sending water flying from the fresh puddles that appeared over the previous night. It was early morning, and the limo was heading towards the Baybury Mall. It was the post-Easter specials, and customers were going to be lined up for blocks. The man in this limo had no intention of shopping, however. He sat alone in the back seating space, swirling champagne in a small glass. His graying hair was slicked back and his suit was neatly pressed. After all, Gregory Edmans had to always look his best. He was, of course, the president of the United States.

    Edmans pulled a small silver piece of technology out of his pants pocket. The object rested firmly in his palm. Suddenly, a woman’s voice echoed from it, sounding content and proud to be of assistance. The voice crackled slightly, alerting Edmans that this was, in fact, just a cell phone computer assister.

    “Hello Gregory! How may I direct your call?” the computer voice inquired. Edmans’s lips quivered as he responded to the voice, peering with brown eyes towards his driver as if he was suspecting something.

    “Patch me in to Jason Phelps,” Gregory Edmans ordered. There was a slight pause before the cell phone replied.

    “Calling Jason Phelps. Dialing 4-5-2 9-6-2-1-9-4-5,” the womanly voice spoke as a wire slithered its way up to Edmans’s ear and attached itself to his lobe, the tip of the wire rolling into an earpiece.

    “Mr. President! So good of you to call. I take it that you want a status report on the situation,” Jason’s voice echoed through the earpiece.

    “Cut the chat and just tell me,” Edmans replied, his hands coming together and his fingers jittering. The president was very nervous to be having this conversation.

    “Well then, I’m happy to inform you that the gas detonators are in place. They will go off within a fifteen minute window of the mall’s opening,” Jason replied through the earpiece.

    “And you’re sure no one will be able to escape?” Edmans’s voice cracked as he asked the question. On the other side of the earpiece, Jason chuckled a bit. He pushed his hand through his dark black hair and let go of a robotic spider that he had just latched onto the security controls of the mall.

    “Taken care of. Charlotte here is gonna’ make sure everyone is stuck in this web,” Jason replied. “Don’t worry Mr. President, I’ve never let you down before. This one is a piece of cake. You better start your next ‘tragic accident speech’-”

    “Diablo himself is overseeing this one!” Edmans cut Phelps off. There was silence on the other line for some time.

    “Where is he?” Jason’s voice returned, only this time it was less confident. Edmans watched the seat across from his as a swirling black fog formed. He glanced quickly to make sure the driver was not paying attention, dropping his glass of champagne in the process. Diablo never seemed to show concern for his low profile. The black fog spun quickly until a hooded figure appeared sitting in the chair. It was obvious that this creature was not a mortal man. His entrance would have given that away quickly, but his appearance held the same unnatural characteristics.

    This creature was black as night itself. He was cloaked in a dark robe and his face was almost completely invisible save for a pair of red eyes that pierced from the blackness of the hood. Two black fangs slid down from the darkness and ended by where the creature’s neck would be. His clawed hands were blotched with red as fiery blood ran through his artificial veins and arteries. Two protrusions ended in the middle of his palms. They emitted small puffs of smoke every few moments, indicating that he could create fire from these hot spots when needed. But the most horrific characteristic of this monstrosity was his voice. For when Diablo spoke, death reached one’s ears. It was raspy and slurred, almost as if a snake was speaking with a forked tongue. Edmans sometimes wondered if this being that he devoted himself to was, in fact, fork-tongued.

    “This sin must go off without any troubles president,” Diablo hissed, black fog swirling still around his hooded face.

    “My men have everything in place. I must say though, a mall isn’t the most potent way to eradicate a lot of people. I mean, there’s concerts and sports games that have a lot more citizens. Why is this one so important to you?” Edmans inquired, hoping that he didn’t hit a nerve.

    Diablo extended his right hand slowly toward Edmans, flicking his wrist up so that his fire emitter was level with the president’s face.

    “This one is special because I have learned that a small human woman will be there. This woman radiates divinity, and she must be silenced. She may be a member of this wretched ’Trinity’ that was prophesized as the destroyers of our little war. I cannot take any chances,” Diablo explained. He slowly brought his hand away from Edman’s face. The man’s eyes were frightened and his face was dripping with sweat, which formed out of fear of the creature before him and the heat that this demon created.

    “Everything has a beginning human, and everything has an end. This is my beginning, and I will not allow a mortal to be my end. Now, execute your little ‘accident’.” With that, Diablo formed into a black fog and dissolved into nothingness, leaving Edmans to do his bidding…
    Last edited by GoldenNoctowl77; 3rd May 2006 at 5:47 AM.

  2. #2
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    Chapter 2

    Allison Shot was not a perfect girl, but she was pretty close. Her blonde hair ran down past her shoulders and came to a stop just a few inches after. The ends were starting to split and her highlights had since begun to fade. Her eyes were as blue as the oceans off the coast of Miami, and her lips were big and bright. She was a very intelligent sixteen year old, and she devoted her life to emphasizing compassion. This is what made her desirable. Not the eyes, not the smile…it was her passion for kindness. Allison loved one thing as much as compassion, and that was shopping.

    For this reason, Allison had piled a few of her friends into her 2028 Ford Divinity and was now in the process of parking in the packed lot of Baybury Mall. She turned the wheel sharply into a open spot and they girls leapt from the car, slamming the doors and running to get in line at the entrance.

    “Wow, there’s a lot of people here already,” Allison’s best friend Ginger stated as her ponytail bounced up and down with her strides.

    “Well the post-Easter sales do have that effect,” Allison replied. The four girls made it to their spot in line and peered down the length of the mall. Every entrance must have had a few hundred people in line. This was to be expected though, as the cities of the United States were already becoming vastly overpopulated, and these citizens all had material desires.

    “You all know the first stop right? We’re going to American Eagle to pick up that sweater for my brother. I called yesterday and they informed me that there is only two left. I have to get Andrew one! It‘s his Easter gift!” Allison explained to the girls. Her friends nodded in agreement.

    Towering above the group’s entrance was the Baybury Mall Clock. The hour hand struck eight a.m and the chimes began to sound. A clicking sound signaled that the sliding doors of the mall had unlocked. The people in front of the line were instantly piling through the opening, going through much faster than their feet could move them thanks to the pushers in toe behind.

    “Take your time people! We don’t want any injuries now,” a mall cop said while placing his hands out to stop people from running. Allison sidestepped her way to the front of the line as her friends followed, all of them laughing away and holding on to each other.

    "Slow down Allison!" Ginger giggled as her ponytail bounced up and down. The others tried excitedly to keep up. "I know you love to shop but this is suicide! We're going to get killed or trampled!" Ginger added in.

    “The mall is perfectly safe Ginger. We have been doing this since we were twelve!” Allison cut in. She turned a corner and saw the American Eagle Clothing Store right ahead. The crowds had no yet made it there. If she kept up this pace, she would be the first one into the store, and in turn be the first to get Andrew his sweater.

    The girls heaved themselves into the store and Allison rushed the counter. “Ma’am, I’m here for the black and gold fleece sweater in the ad!” Allison spoke up as soon as she made it.

    “Why yes, I believe we have one in stock. Just let me go get it for you,” the aging cashier said and walked towards the stock room. Allison turned to her friends and smiled, jumping slightly and giggling as they did the same.

    Just across from the store was a hallway containing lockers for storage rental while shopping. The light that was illuminating this hallway began to flicker before going out completely. A hooded demon emerged from the darkness and fixed his red eyes on the blonde haired girl at the counter opposite him.

    “This mortal must be the one spoken of in the prophecy. She is in the bloodline after all. Her death will seal this war’s victory,” Diablo hissed. The creature ran his clawed hand along the wall, allowing the heat from his palm to melt the drywall. He then turned once again into blackness and dissolved.

    “Hey, give that back!” a black-haired teen boy with large glasses yelled at another teen as the two rushed past American Eagle. Allison and her friends took notice of this scene.

    “Isn’t that Danny Graft?” Ginger asked. Allison nodded.

    “Yeah, he’s a senior like my brother,” she replied. “You would think they would be past the stage of playing keep away by now.”

    Danny caught up to his bully and reached for the Gamestop bag that had been taken from him.

    “Still playing games like this at your age Danny? When are you going to grow up?” the teen smirked and pulled the video game from the bag. Danny pushed his glasses up to the tip of his nose and then reached for the game, only to miss. The other teen took his opportunity at Danny’s misstep and pushed the boy, causing him to fall over. Danny coughed and clutched his chest, the wind taken from him. His bully came closer and prodded him with his foot.

    “That isn’t right,” Allison said and started to head towards the scene. The cashier was returning with the sweater and noticed her customer leaving.

    “Ma’am, I can’t hold this for you! Ma’am!” she shouted.

    “Let me hold onto it,” Ginger said taking the sweater from the woman.

    Allison made it to the two boys, folding her arms and peering at the attacker. “What does it matter to you what Danny does with his time?” she inquired. The teen gave her a sarcastic smile and then turned to her.

    “It doesn’t. I just enjoy making this lowlife squirm,” he replied. Allison’s lips began to quiver.

    “The only lowlife is you,” Allison countered. The teen smiled even brighter.

    “Tell you what. I’ll leave this twerp alone if you go out with me tomorrow,” he suggested. Allison glared at the teen and then reached out and took the bag.

    “Deal,” she replied. She then bent down and helped Danny up, handing him the bag in the process.

    “So what time?” the teen asked. Allison folded her arms and rolled her eyes.

    “Oh I forgot! I don’t date lowlifes,” she answered and smiled. The teen clenched his jaw and turned to walk away.

    “Tha..tha…thank you!” Danny struggled to say and then walked off. Allison waved and then walked back toward the store.

    Jason Phelps walked as fast as he could through the crowds of people toward the exit. In his hand was the remote that would activate the spider robot, and in turn, seal every exit. He had to make sure he was gone before pressing it. “Man, I gotta’ take a leak,” he found himself thinking. With this thought in mind, he veered away from his current path and into a hallway towards the restrooms. Suddenly, a black fog surrounded him. Jason stopped dead in his tracks and spun around to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating.

    “Damn, damn, damn,” he whispered as sweat began to form on his forehead. He knew what was coming, but he never liked it. Diablo formed in front of him, his red eyes shifting into focus.

    “Why the delay?” Diablo inquired. Jason swallowed hard.

    “I have to go to the bathroom,” he squeaked. Diablo could not comprehend what the mortal was saying. Demons had no need for getting rid of wastes.

    “With every moment you squander, the divine girl could escape from this time bomb. I do not tolerate failure,” Diablo hissed. Jason’s knees began to buckle. “Give me the contraption,” the demon said. He held out his red-skinned hand and opened his palm, puffs of smoke rising into Jason’s face. Jason swallowed again and shakily handed the demon the remote.

    “Please, I have a wife and kids. Let me leave before you hit it,” he pleaded. If Diablo’s mouth wasn’t completely hidden, it would have been smiling right now.

    “Oh, I’m not going to press this button. You are,” he said holding the remote towards the human. Jason’s eyed went wide.

    “I can’t do it!” he shrieked. Diablo’s other hand went up, a small bubble of fire spewing from his palm to threaten the mortal. Jason was cracking. He could not cut off his escape. He had too much to live for! That was why he made this deal in the first place.

    “Help!” he screamed and started to run towards the crowds. A wall of flames rose from the ground in front of him, trapping him in the hallway with the demon. People began to scream as they noticed the fire. Diablo walked calmly over to Jason, gripping his wrist in his hand and letting the flames burn at the skin. The creature then forcefully put Jason’s hand over the remote. With one jerk, he made the human press it.

    Right on cue, every door in the mall began to lock. Security gates fell down into place in front of the stores, sealing people inside them. The gates fell down in front of the exit doors as well, causing panic in the crowds. People began to rush towards the bars, pulling madly to try and open them. Talk was beginning to spread around as to try and understand what was happening.

    “And you yourself have sealed your fate,” Diablo said letting Jason’s hand go. Jason whined and fell to the ground, clutching at his charred wrist. Diablo turned back into the black cloud and vanished into thin air.

    In the air vents of the mall, a small contraption began to pour gas into the air. It circulated down the vents and soon emerged into the mall itself. The people down below were still confined to the individual stores. Some began to cough, and everyone was still wondering what was going on.

    "Get to the exits!" someone roared placing a handkerchief over his mouth as the deadly gas began to fill the air. People outside of the stores ran towards the exits, passing by the cries of those stuck inside. Some people clawed at the gates, screaming desperately for help that would not come. The exits were shut off as well. Everyone inside the mall was in the same dilemma.

    "Is this a joke?" a woman screamed as she held onto her two children. Allison and her friends walked away from the register, looking around with the other people in the store. Everyone was still unsure as to what was happening. The gating had fallen down and they were trapped inside as people on the other side rushed by frantically. A man was crying out in pain and lying on the floor. His foot was caught underneath the gating.

    Allison watched in horror as a few people outside the gates fell down, coughing violently and trying to scream. The citizens were being suffocated by the toxic air that had entered the mall.

    Allison pulled her cell phone from her purse and fell down against the wall, her friends doing the same. They had all begun to sob, but Allison was still relatively calm. She placed the phone to her ear as Ginger’s body went limp and slumped against her shoulder.

    "Mom, I just called to say I love you…" she said with the utmost confidence in her voice before succumbing to the effects of the poison as well. The phone hit the floor as she started to droop. The screams of her mother came through the phone, but no one could respond. The shoppers had all been killed…

  3. #3
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    Wow.

    This is even better than I remember it, and it was danged good to begin with. I'm definitely glad to see this make a comeback.

    Highlights:

    This creature was black as night itself. He was cloaked in a dark robe and his face was almost completely invisible save for a pair of red eyes that pierced from the blackness of the hood. Two black fangs slid down from the darkness and ended by where the creature’s neck would be. His clawed hands were blotched with red as fiery blood ran through his artificial veins and arteries. Two protrusions ended in the middle of his palms. They emitted small puffs of smoke every few moments, indicating that he could create fire from these hot spots when needed. But the most horrific characteristic of this monstrosity was his voice. For when Diablo spoke, death reached one’s ears. It was raspy and slurred, almost as if a snake was speaking with a forked tongue. Edmans sometimes wondered if this being that he devoted himself to was, in fact, fork-tongued.
    Diablo is just too cool. The sheer demonness of him...Love it. ^^

    “Everything has a beginning human, and everything has an end. This is my beginning, and I will not allow a mortal to be my end. Now, execute your little ‘accident’.” With that, Diablo formed into a black fog and dissolved into nothingness, leaving Edmans to do his bidding…
    MMM. Not only is he cool to begin with, but Diablo also says boss things. Very nice. ^^

    He then turned once again into blackness and dissolved.
    I have something of an affinity for beings who can do that...*glances at own bishie* ^^

    Current Chapter: Chapter 18 – Remnants

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  4. #4
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    I agree, this is better than the original that you made, but I would have prefered if you had just gone on with the story in the first place rather than having to start over. I don't really feel like having to review it over again, so I'll just point out the mistakes I noticed.
    The crowds had no yet made it there.
    not

  5. #5
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    ID actually messaged me about this one. Well I will be happy to inform you that during my downtime, AR continued. I did not stop writing it and it is actually further along.

    I must remind ya though, chapters lengths are purposely short as they are in novel form. If i deem a chapter short, I might post two at once!

    With that in mind, here is chapter 3!





    Chapter 3

    Jake Cardella awoke suddenly; his face sweating like mad. As he lie there breathing heavily, he turned to the digital clock on his nightstand and grabbed it, pulling the face of it right up to his own.

    "It's nine am," his mother’s voice alerted him, Jake now noticing that she was dusting his desk. Her face looked pleasant and Jake could tell it was time for the Saturday Clean-a-thon. She stared at him for a little while; her brown eyes peering closely.

    "Well, what are you waiting for?" she then asked. "Can't clean this whole house myself."

    She began to stretch and then scratched her head. Jake saw she had her brown hair tucked into a hairnet. She always looked so funny on cleaning days.

    "Can't help you mom," he finally replied.

    "And why is that?" his mother retorted putting her hands on her hips. "You're not ditching me like last year, because I really doubt you can have that rare disease again," her eyes rolling as she said this.

    Jake pulled the covers off of his legs and stretched. "Nope, don't you remember that Andrew and I have our punishment today?" he reminded her as he got up and walked over to the dresser his mom just cleaned. She sighed and proceeded to his bed.

    "You mean helping underprivileged kids study?" she asked as she made his bed. "Jake, staying out past curfew and violating public property lands you parole work. You're lucky it's only ten hours."

    Jake sighed and slipped on a pair of blue jeans. He took a look into the nearby mirror. His face was round and his eyes were bright blue with bushy black eyebrows radiating above them. His nose was perfect size, yet has a small crookedness in it. Jake peered at his dark black hair and began to style it.

    "I just wish you'd pay as much attention to your school work as you do your hair," his mom said as she picked up some clothes from the floor.

    "Mom, it's not like school is important," Jake grinned and began to look through his closet. His mother's face fell. He chuckled and grabbed a short sleeve baby blue shirt from his closet and slipped it on. "I mean, how much better off is a person with it?" he then added in grabbing a black track jacket with blue stripes and putting it on over his shirt. He zipped it up halfway and then found his backpack. He put it on, the one strap going across his shoulder and down to his waist. He then picked his Ipod off of the desk and walked over to his mother.

    "Gotta go!" he winked and walked out of the room. She sighed and went back to cleaning.

    Jake slid down the banister of the stairs and into the front lobby of his house, skidding on the floor to come to a halt. His dad was busily reading the paper in the kitchen, whatever remained of his dark black hair was slicked back. His hazel eyes lifted from the paper to view his son.

    "Looking good son. Where you off to?" he inquired while turning a page. Jake grinned. His dad always liked to make him feel confident. It was by his urging that Jake started working out at a young age, and he looked in perfect shape because of it.

    "I'm heading off to Hell," he responded with a wink. His dad laughed a bit and then went back to his reading. Jake shook his head and grinned as he opened the door. He stepped out onto his front porch and looked around. The sun was shining down and the breeze was soothing. He turned to see his neighbor getting the morning paper next door. He smiled and waved, but all he got was the cold shoulder.

    I love you too," he mocked the man sarcastically and walked down to the sidewalk.

    The street Jake lived on was pretty lively. It was your typical neighborhood, houses aligning each side of the street and people busily doing their morning activities. Jake walked down the road watching some girls ride by on their bikes. He laughed at a man fighting with an out of control hose, and even took the time to notice some squirrels running up a nearby tree. He picked a rock up and chucked it, smacking one of the animals in the head and causing it to fall.

    "Bulls eye!" he said with a smile.

    "Having fun killing things?" Jake suddenly heard a woman’s voice and turned to see a short girl standing on the driveway of the house he was passing. Her hair was long and brown and her eyes were a mint green. She was very thin and had tanned skin.

    Jake looked back to the tree and then to her, squinting his eyes from the bright sun. "They're just squirrels," he replied.

    "So, squirrels have lives too," the girl remarked and turned her back to him. She began to wash the mustang parked next to her in the driveway. Jake instantly began to critique her. How could he not? She was asking for it. The girl was wearing a pink t-shirt that was tied in a knot in the front, exposing her belly. She also had very short jeans on. Jake felt a soothing rush when she began to spray the car with a hose.

    "Dam…" he began until he noticed her dad sitting on the porch watching him. Quickly, Jake took off across the street.

    "Great…just what I need, Vandalizing AND Sexual Harassment," he barked as he shook his head. He turned a corner and almost crashed into some kids skateboarding.

    "Watch it!" the kids threatened before skating around him. Jake was now standing in front of Andrew’s house. It was about the same size as his, decently big and elegant looking. Jake and Andrew met because their parents designed their houses together. They had been friends since they were six, and they were both now eighteen.

    Jake hopped onto the porch and rang the doorbell. He then began to rock back and forth impatiently. After some time he knocked hard on the door.

    "Andrew Shot, get your *** out her right now!" he commanded, his fist slamming against the wood. His friend opened the door lazily and peered out with his bright blue eyes. His short blonde hair blew to the right with the wind. Earphones were placed around his neck. Jake couldn't help but laugh. Andrew was so obsessed with music that he sometimes thought those things were embedded into his head. Andrew was tall and thin, while Jake was a tad shorter and thin. The two looked nothing alike.

    "I'll be out in a second," Andrew informed his friend while cracking his own neck.

    "No, you'll be out now!" Jake replied and grabbed Andrew by his green “Outta’ Control” t-shirt. Andrew had just enough time to grab his backpack from the house before he was completely pulled out the door.

    "Where's your sister?" Jake inquired as they walked off the porch.

    "She went to the mall-dude chill!" Andrew snapped. Jake dragged him all the way to the driveway.

    "It's not my fault we totaled my car. You're driving and if we're late we'll have extra hours to do," Jake explained. Andrew sighed.

    "It actually IS your fault that your car is totaled," he commented. Jake leapt into the passenger seat of the topless BMW. Andrew sighed again and opened the door, getting into the driver's seat.

    "Let's get this the hell over with," Jake said lounging with his feet on the dashboard. Suddenly, a black car turned the corner and came to a stop right in front of the driveway. Two men in black suits got out and walked towards Andrew and Jake.

    "Is this the Shot residence?" the driver asked. Andrew nodded. "Can we speak to you all?" he then requested. Andrew rolled his eyes and got out of the car. Jake stretched and followed suit.

    "My mom's at work right now," Andrew informed the two men. "And…my dad isn't home."

    Jake kept his mouth shut. He knew Andrew's dad hadn't been home for years, but he decided it was best not to say anything. The passenger stranger began to walk towards them.

    "We called your mother's office but she wasn't there. We even tried her cell but no one picked up," he said.

    "Did you try calling here?" Jake interrupted.

    "Yes, but unfortunately no one picked up here either," he answered.

    Andrew seemed embarrassed. "Music too loud."

    Andrew then noticed his mother's car turning the corner. She didn't even turn it off before opening the door and falling out. She was crying hysterically and mumbling.

    "Mom, what's wrong?" He asked rushing to her.

    "Allison! She's in trouble! I don't know what happened!" his mother cried out leaning against the car. Her makeup was running hard and Jake could tell she had been crying for awhile.

    "That's why we're here ma’am. We've recieved news that there has been some sort of accident at the Baybury Mall this morning. Apparently there has been no survivors reported. I'm sorry to be the one to inform you that your daughter was one of the casualties," the driver of the car said. Andrew's mom immediately began to ball harder.

    "Allison's dead!" she wailed. "It can't be!"

    Mrs. Shot turned to the two that had informed her of this. "She's not dead! There has to be a mistake," she shrieked. Andrew grabbed her by the shoulders and began to cradle her.

    "It's ok mom," He whispered, but he too was starting to lose it. Jake was also in shock.

    "What happened?" he managed to let out these words. The two men took a second before replying.

    "Apparently there was a gas leak," the closest one answered.

    "And how did no one get out?" Andrew inquired looking suspicious.

    "Someone locked them all in," the other man replied. At this, Andrew's mom wailed harder and fell down to the ground. Andrew pulled her back up.

    “So it couldn’t have been an accident like you claim,” Jake barked.

    "We're truly sorry ma’am, but we have to go inform the families of the others. Our hearts are with you," the two then said and got back in the car. Jake watched it speed off.

    "I let her go! I let her go this early! It was my fault!" Andrew's mom roared out. Andrew grabbed her by the mouth and peered into her eyes.

    "Don't say that!" he roared. Jake walked over to them and the two boys helped the grieving mother up.

    "I'm so sorry…" he said as they walked towards the house. Andrew tried to smile but it was short-lived.

  6. #6
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    Damn…I can’t rightly say that I can imagine what it would be like to lose a child, but I’d say that Mrs. Shot is certainly going through hell at the news about her daughter. That she was was conveyed quite effectively, I might add, so good work on that.

    Of course, having read the past chapters (and having read this fic the previous time it was posted), I know that what happened at the mall was indeed no accident. But if I were like Jake, having no access to previous chapters and thus not knowing it was no accident, I’d be inclined to think it couldn’t have been one after learning that the mall’s doors were locked, too. So, it was cool that Jake called the dudes in the black car on that.

    Also:

    Jake peered at his dark black hair and began to style it.

    "I just wish you'd pay as much attention to your school work as you do your hair," his mom said as she picked up some clothes from the floor.
    That made me laugh. XD

    Current Chapter: Chapter 18 – Remnants

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  7. #7
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    Short. This story has definitely changed in the last three years. I'd say what say what this chapter needs and all that other stuff, but I think your time would be better spent worrying about getting done with future chapters.

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