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Thread: Journey (One-Shot Contestshipping Fic)

  1. #1
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    Default Journey (One-Shot Contestshipping Fic)

    Um...Hi? This is a song Contestshipping Fic. And I know...you readers will hate it. Besides, this is my first Contestshipping Fic so...I know I'm bad. Well, enough of the talking.

    --------

    May cried to herself as she looked at Drew’s dead body. Drew, her boyfriend, got hit by a car and died.

    “Don’t die…you can’t die! I can’t live without you!” May yelled at him.

    But Drew didn’t react. He layed there, not moving a single inch. From the corner if your eye, you could see a tear coming out from his eyes. After pouring out her tears, May walked aimlessly home.

    It's a long long journey
    Till I know where I'm supposed to be
    It's a long long journey
    And I don't know if I can believe
    When shadows fall and block my eyes
    I am lost and know that I must hide
    It's a long long journey
    Till I find my way home to you


    May held the rose as the last petal dropped down. Her tears came pouring down once again.

    “The roses die and fade away…” May said.
    “But their meaning will never leave me…”

    “I know you will come back, Drew. I know you will.”

    Many days I've spent
    Drifting on through empty shores
    Wondering what's my purpose
    Wondering how to make me strong


    May sighed as she looked through her window. Below was a garden, full of roses.

    “Why aren’t you coming back? I miss your hugs, your kisses, your smile…everything about you! You said you loved me, and wouldn’t want me to be miserable. So come back!” May said, tears pouring out.

    I know I will falter I know I will cry
    I know you'll be standing by my side
    It's a long long journey
    And I need to be close to you


    “May! Stop thinking about him! He’s dead, and won’t come back!” Max said, to the teary-eyed May.

    “He will! I know he will!” May yelled at him.

    “He promised…” May whispered.

    Sometimes it feels no one understands
    I don't even know why
    I do the things I do
    When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
    Will you break down these walls and pull me through?


    “When are you coming back?” May asked, to no one in particular.
    “You will, right?”

    She looked at the stormy sky, which was about to rain. Her tears dripped as the rain fell.

    “You lied…” May whispered.

    Cause It's a long long journey
    Till I feel that I am worth the price
    You paid for me on calvary
    Beneath those stormy skies


    May walked aimlessly to the kitchen. May picked up the knife on the table.

    “If you are not coming back, I might as well join you.”

    May lifted the knife, and raised it up, slowly. She cut her hand, and her hand bled.

    “I will be with you…soon…” May said, as her eyes slowly fluttered close.

    She soon fell unconscious on the floor, with her hand still bleeding. A smile plastered on her face, as she finally found peace, with Drew.

    When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
    It feel like everything is out to make me lose control
    It's a long long journey
    But I finally found the way home to you
    Last edited by Stephy; 6th May 2006 at 4:57 PM.
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

  2. #2

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    FIRST TO REVIEW!!!

    Oh, poor May!! Poor Drew!! Poor everyone!!! That's sad. Mistakes:

    He lied there
    It would be layed.

    Her tears dripped down as rain falls down.
    This particular sentence should be: "Her tears dripped as the rain fell."

    and her hand bleeded.
    Bled, not bleeded. XD A very common mistake among some people.

    Well, those were the only mistakes I found, this is a very good one-shot, for it being your first story. But it could be improved, if only a little.

    Well, Kitteh out!

    ~Kitteh

  3. #3
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    FIRST TO REVIEW!!!
    It's a funny thing how everytime someone gets a fan fic...you are the first one to review XD

    Oh, poor May!! Poor Drew!! Poor everyone!!! That's sad.
    Poor everyone? Max isn't erm...poor, but then, he'll be upset that May died. I cried while reading it to revise it for any mistakes...May was so erm...what do you call that word again? Oh forget it, May kept thinking that Drew would came back when he won't, because he promised her she'll be happy but when she knew he lied, she died. Hey! That rhymed! Well...thanks for the review...now off to Edit the mistakes!
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by May_Beautifly
    It's a funny thing how everytime someone gets a fan fic...you are the first one to review XD



    Poor everyone? Max isn't erm...poor, but then, he'll be upset that May died. I cried while reading it to revise it for any mistakes...May was so erm...what do you call that word again? Oh forget it, May kept thinking that Drew would came back when he won't, because he promised her she'll be happy but when she knew he lied, she died. Hey! That rhymed! Well...thanks for the review...now off to Edit the mistakes!
    Yes, it is funny... XD. With those mistakes fixed, this is excellent. (Personally, I hope you make another fic soon!)

    Well, Kitteh out.

    ~Kitteh

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    Yes, it is funny... XD. With those mistakes fixed, this is excellent. (Personally, I hope you make another fic soon!)
    I was just sorting out my CD case because I was bored, and decided to put it on my computer to hear the music. I saw the song 'Journey' and I thought of Contestshipping...'HEY! This will make a good fic! Now...I have to think of the plot...how about Drew dying and May becomes sad? Yeah! That would be a good idea!'
    And don't worry...My new fic is in progress...XD Yeah I know, so soon. I can't even think of a title yet...
    Last edited by Stephy; 6th May 2006 at 5:55 PM.
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by May_Beautifly
    I was just sorting out my CD case because I was bored, and decided to put it on my computer to hear the music. I saw the song 'Journey' and I thought of Contestshipping...'HEY! This will make a good fic! Now...I have to think of the plot...how about Drew dying and May becomes sad? Yeah! That would be a good idea!' XD
    Well, I'm glad you wrote it. Another good contestshipping fic on the site, finally!! (I'm writing another one-shot soon...) Hey, I think I'll proof-read your fic one more time, to be on the safe side... XD

    Drew, her boyfriend, got hit by a car and died.
    Hmm.. it should be was, not got. VERY common mistake. XD

    tear coming out from his
    Erm, how can Drew cry if he's dead?

    Last mistakes I found. XD

    Well, Kitteh out.

    ~Kitteh

  7. #7
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    Pretty good for a first try. The parts that are in italic, is that supposed to be like the song while something is happening? If it is, then I have to say that it's something original, because I've never seen anyone do something like that before. Make sure that you put me on your PM list, okay? Who inspired you to do this, though? Was it me when I PMed you? Or was it someone else that I never met?
    Banner: Me | Clubs: May/Drew/Harley/TR
    Member of the Gay Alliance; I'm Openly Gay

    Bishie: Totemo Harley | Ship: Cactus Thorn
    Couple: Harley x Jessie | Song: Together
    Game: XD Gale of Darkness | Character: Netto Hikari

    Friend Code: 4039 5205 2554

  8. #8
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    Pretty good for a first try. The parts that are in italic, is that supposed to be like the song while something is happening? If it is, then I have to say that it's something original, because I've never seen anyone do something like that before. Make sure that you put me on your PM list, okay? Who inspired you to do this, though? Was it me when I PMed you? Or was it someone else that I never met?
    0_o This story is...revived XD
    Well, the parts that are italics are the songs, and they relate to what May was doing. Since it fits the song...ALOT, I decided to make May's actions similiar to the song. Anyway, what do you mean by putting you on the PM list? This is only just a one-shot...XP
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

  9. #9
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    So that's what a one-shot means? Now I know. Sorry!
    Banner: Me | Clubs: May/Drew/Harley/TR
    Member of the Gay Alliance; I'm Openly Gay

    Bishie: Totemo Harley | Ship: Cactus Thorn
    Couple: Harley x Jessie | Song: Together
    Game: XD Gale of Darkness | Character: Netto Hikari

    Friend Code: 4039 5205 2554

  10. #10
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    So that's what a one-shot means? Now I know. Sorry!
    Okay...Are you on a posting spree? You suddenly revived all the other fics XD
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

  11. #11
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    I just feel like reading a lot for the sake of it.
    Banner: Me | Clubs: May/Drew/Harley/TR
    Member of the Gay Alliance; I'm Openly Gay

    Bishie: Totemo Harley | Ship: Cactus Thorn
    Couple: Harley x Jessie | Song: Together
    Game: XD Gale of Darkness | Character: Netto Hikari

    Friend Code: 4039 5205 2554

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