Here I am again with a one-shot, my first comedy and non-dramatic. This is focused on the gang. Starring the new voice actors, the following events is what should be happening to them. And everyone's favorite psi-kitty's here with the same voice. Whoop! And no Team Rocket. I ran out of room for them. Actually, let's just say they got blown up.
Rating: Meh. PG, maybe close to PG-13. It has crude humor in it so... yeah.
Disclaimers: Big list here. I do not own Pokémon, the "Raugh! Old people taste like candy!" phrase, Harry Potter, Card Captor Sakura, the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, "Help! I'm being ransacked!", Narnia, Woody the doll, Captain Underpants (>< Darn!), Kirby, Draco from Dragonheart, Jaws, Dreamworks, Moleman from The Simpsons, Simon from American Idol and Bill Clinton. Face it, if I owned him, he'd be dead by now.
Enjoy folks! Comments are greatly appreciated! And if you are angry at what I did to a certain character, tell me, but don't flame. I love nearly all of these characters, but I was just doing it for a composition one day for English.
Warning: This one-shot contains bashing and stupidity to the main characters along with pollution abuse. Not meant for young children. Unless, of course, you like reading about a high Pokémon. Then it's okay. I recommend this for everyone, young or old. And yes, I know it's a stupid title, but I couldn't think of anything else.
The Gang Versus Stupidity
"Ash Ketchum, we're lost, aren't we?!" a red-head tom-boy with a ponytail to her left side, aqua-green eyes blazing in anger, hollered with no emotion.
The boy known as Ash Ketchum shrank back in fear, his cap blowing off in the wind to reveal his messy, onyx hair. Strangely enough, though, his hat suddenly reappeared on his head as if there really wasn't a twister near-by, sucking up defenseless people including the mushroom-obsessed lass named Crissy. Her screams didn't seem to catch the gang's attention, however, seeing as she's a stupid, made-up, useless player. Well, Ash's chocolate eyes stared at the girl who yelled at him, Misty Waterflower, in shock.
"Guys, help me," he muttered deeply and hoarsely to three other people. From behind, a brunette girl with sky-blue eyes, gloves, and head-gear named May Maple, her brother Max, a young boy with black hair and glasses. To tell you the truth, no, he's not Harry Potter. Otherwise, he would have green eyes, not brown, and a scar on his forehead. Standing next to him was a tanned teenager with spiky, brown hair named Brock Harrison. How he could see through those slits is a miracle, seeing as his mother could. On Ash's shoulder was a yellow rodent with a lightning-bolt-shaped tail. This is Pikachu, his best buddy and a main character. Sadly though, he'll be removed from the story until the end.
"I'm sure Misty's good enough for you," Brock said deeply, laughing at Ash's expression.
Max glanced up into the cloudless sky and their surroundings. Due to Ash's stupidity, they had wandered further into thick mist. "Looks like we're lost guys. We better find a place to stay and fast," he delcared nerdly.
And he was right. A young Youngster had been corroded from the mist as he walked in, screaming his head off. That was when a ten-year-old brunette girl with emerald eyes came into view via magenta wand with large wings. She wore a blood-red and lime-green jester costume that just about made a few people blind from the clashing of the colors. From the same wand, a blue-gray-haired girl with amethyst eyes and a video camera hopped down next to her, a yellow bear with wings on her shoulder.
"Freeze Card!" the brunette shouted, throwing a card into the air, twirled her wand and brought it down. The colors flashing from the card would've caused a major seizure to the girl had a blue whale with a red gem on its forehead not appeared. With a majestic trill, the creature froze the mist in seconds, revealing an elven girl. "Mist Card, I command you to return to your power confined!" was the next phrase the girl shouted, bringing the bird-like wand down onto the ground to form a card shape, sucking in the frozen mist. After a bit of cheering, they left only to be eaten by a random Golbat. Who cares.
Meanwhile, May had turned her gaze away from the scene and resumed her crying a waterfall. "Wah! That means I wouldn't be able to compete in Saffron City in time!" she wailed with an adult voice.
"Brock, what time is it?" Misty asked.
"I'm late for tea time!" a white rabbit with a tweed vest, a monocle and a pocket watch exclaimed, hopping into a random sinkhole as quickly as he came.
"Almost lunch," Brock said.
"Darn you Ash!" the two girls shouted, pouncing on their friend while Pikachu laughed on the ground. Oh there's Pikachu! But rest assue, we won't be seeing him again for a long time.
After five hours, which is the longest time anyone has fought so far, Misty and May were exhausted, Ash bruised everywhere. "Oh! I'm so exhausted!" Misty complained. "I need a place to rest so my legs don't itch as much!" My advice to Misty: Wear jeans and don't shave your legs.
"Look! There's a cave!" Max exclaimed, pointing at a hole in the mountain that obviously wasn't there a few minutes earlier.
"As long as there's no bugs, I can't complain," Misty said, running over to the entrance.
"Hey Misty, wait up!" Ash called, tripping over a Masterball as he ran after her.
Max was concerned about something. "Hey Brock, is this that mythical cave that's rumored to hold strong Pokémon?" he asked.
"Cerulean Cave? I doubt it," Brock replied. "But let's go check it out."
When the gang walked inside, they were sorry for doing so. Inside, it was partially lighted, making it look like a scene for a scary movie. Several feet in front of them was a river. From it, fish and stars known as Seaking and Staryu leaped out of it. The rocks were ten feet or more high Above them, bats known as Zubat and an occasional, rare man-eating Golbat fluttered around, squeaking and slamming into the walls. From within the cave, strange, ominous music was playing, but the gang payed no attention to it.
"I don't like this place," Misty squeaked.
"I do!" Ash exclaimed, marching forward. "So come on guys, let's go-AAAUUUGGGHHH!" he screamed, falling through a hole.
For a strange, random reason, rope was tied around everyone's ankles. Because of that, they were dragged down as well, theirs screams echoing through-out the cave, dubbing the corny, but catchy, term "The Scream Heard `Round the Cave".
Two years later, the gang woke up to find themselves in a more darker part of the cave. After landing on their heads a couple of hours back, it's amazing that they still remembered everything. They turned against Ash and started beating him up. "Help! I'm being ransacked!" echoed through-out the cave.
Using his shoelaces, they tied him up and dragged him away, trying to find an exit of any kind. And because no one bothered to gag him, Ash started protesting in a sniveling way, threatening to blow up everything his friends treasured dearly. "Shut up Ash! I don't want to hear from you anymore!" Misty yelled after Ash threatened to eat her Goldeen several minutes later.
That was when a masculine voice boomed through the area, "Who dares to enter my cave?"
Because of the way the voice sounded, some lost girls swooned and were eaten by Golbat. The gang looked around them for the source of the voice until a periwinkle glow caught their eye. But no matter how much people begged if it was true, they did not see a UFO. Instead, they saw a tall white feline descending towards them, its purple tail swishing lazily to and fro. The bony arms had three fingers each with knobs at the ends. The violet eyes glared them to paralysis. "Who dares to disturb the rular of Cerulean Cave whose name I shall not mention?" it repeated richly without moving its mouth.
The children were frightened to even answer. That was when a childish, yet extremely inappropriate, voice sounded from below. "Hiya Mewtwo! What're you doing here? I thought you were at that one nameless city the writers put in at the last second, thus giving it no purpose in our lives!"
Everyone sweat-dropped as Misty whacked Ash with her mallet. The cat known as Mewtwo landed in front of them still, scaring May close to death. "Stay back kitty! I know karate!" she shouted. She formed two "claws" on each hand and pretended to have magical, god-like powers from that one Dreamworks movie. "Kkk kk!"
"May, what're you doing?" Max asked nervously. "You're not doing karate."
"Kkk kk! Huh? What?"
"What're you doing here by the way?" Mewtwo questioned. Everyone glared at Ash who was too busy checking his nails to know he was receiving murderous stares.
"It's because of Mr. Sunshine here that we got lost," Misty growled.
"So do you know the way out of here?" Brock asked.
"Of course I do. I've lived here since... last week," he replied. Everyone sweat-dropped.
"But how do we get out?" Max said.
"The answer's in front of you. BOO-YAH!" Mewtwo struck a disco pose, knocking out May as his hand slammed into her face, nearly poking her eye out. "Who's the master? Huh? Tell me or I'll do the Freak!"
"Mewtwo's out of his mind," Ash muttered, standing up after slurping the last bit of shoelace into his mouth. "What happened in the city?"
"Too much pollution's bad for your brain! Gives you hallucinations. Ooh, hello Mr. Fluffles! How're you today?" He grinned stupidly at an invisible "Mr. Fluffles". "I'm doing okay, jolly good!"
"Hey look, Escape Rope!" Max piped up, tearing his attention away from the disturbing scene to an abandoned rope.
"Rope! Gimme!" Mewtwo shouted, swiping it away. "Aroo! Time to lasso some cows! Get a dawg, little longie!" he said in a poorly done Texan accent, lassoing invisible "cows". "Yee-haw! I'm Sheriff Woody, the rarest doll and the best sheriff in the whole universe!"
"The side-effects of pollution," Ash sighed, shaking his head. "Poor thing."
"You are cheese!" Mewtwo hollered, pointing at Brock. "Off to school, with you!" He picked the teenager up and threw him against a rock.
"Mewtwo! Snap out of it!" Misty demanded, snapping her fingers in front of his face.
"Tra la laa!" Mewtwo dove behind a rock and screams were heard. Seconds later, the cat came back wearing a red, polka-dotted curtain around his neck and large underpants. "I'm Captain Underpants, defender of all that's pre-shrunk and cottony!"
"Captain Underpants! Help!" two boys cried out.
From out of thin air, two boys, either black or white-colored, came leaping into the picture. This is George Beard and Harold Hutchins. George is the kid on the left with the tie and flat top. Harold is the one on the other side with the red-striped T-shirt and a real bad haircut for he's blonde. Remember that now.
"Shut up narrator!" Misty shouted, throwing a boomerang up into the air. From above, a shriek was heard along with faint explosions as the boomerang made contact.
"Captain Underpants! Professor Poopypants is trying to take over the world again!" Harold said.
"Dur... Poopypants is trying to take over the world," Mewtwo repeated slowly.
"Yeah! And Melvin Sneedly transformed himself back into the Bionic Booger Boy!" George cried.
"Yeah! Help us!"
Mewtwo yawned. "Whatever. Oh, and I'd like to order a taco please!"
"What! But Captain Underpants, the Earth needs you!" Harold yelled in disbelief.
"Give me a taco now or be underpantsed!" the psi-cat threatened.
"NO! NOT THE ATOMIC WEDGIE!" And the two boys jumped into the river, creating a gigantic wave. From it, a surfer on his boogie board was doing a few tricks.
"Cowabunga! This wave bites! I'm going back to the ocean," he said, jumping off. That was when Jaws came and ate him up, only to be blown to bits. But because of small kids, the scene had to be blurred to avoid malpractice sues.
"Anyway, Mewtwo..." Misty began, but she was interrupted by a roar. Looking behind her, she saw a large lion appear, its long, golden mane making him the most majestic of all wild cats. His golden eyes blazing, he roared again, only it was loud enough to break the sound barrier.
"The Ice Queen shall never prevail!" the lion named Aslan growled. "Let us fight for the right to Narnia and regain our freedom!"
"Oi! I'm the kitty here! You leave, hotshot!" Mewtwo shouted, throwing a ball of yarn at the lion.
"Ooh! A strange round object with bright colors!" Aslan exclaimed, pouncing after it. That was when a pink puffball with blue eyes and red shoes appeared.
"Kirby Kirby!" it squeaked.
"ANOTHER ROUND OBJECT THAT TALKS! MINE!" the lion hollered, pouncing on poor, screaming Kirby. Again the scene was blurred and everyone sweat-dropped.
"Anyway... Mewtwo! Aren't you going to stop this?" Max asked.
"Raugh! Old people taste like candy!" was the kitty's reply. "There's one now!" And he chased after Moleman.
"Oh goody. A rescuer," he said in a crackly voice. The screen blurred just as Mewtwo reached him because of the too much violence being shown here.
"Ooh, rocks!" Ash randomly said, picking one up. "Darn. It's not gold." He threw it away and hit Mewtwo, who was trying to get Moleman's glasses to play Harry Potter, squarely in between the eyes. He was knocked out for a few minutes before he groaned and opened his eyes.
"Ugh, what happened?" he asked, sitting up.
"Can you get off me please?" Moleman asked from below. No one paid attention, however, so he was dragged into the ground by moles.
"What happened to them?" Mewtwo inquired, noticing the unconscious Brock and May.
"Nothing!" Misty spoke up before Ash could say anything. "Now, how do you get out? This place is scaring me."
"MARSHMALLOW PEEP! COME BACK! I WANT TO EAT YOU!" cried out a nerd, chasing after a new pink puffball named Jigglypuff. Before he could snatch it up, he was eaten by a Golbat that turned shiny afterwards.
"Uh... Teleportation since the Escape Rope's useless," Mewtwo answered, turning away from the scene.
Misty poked May and Brock awake. When they opened their eyes, they turned pale at the sight of the psi-cat, screamed, ran around in circles several times and crashed through the cave wall.
"Or that. Now, if you excuse me..." Mewtwo formed a cow-boy hat from thin air and square-danced with Ash's screaming Pikachu. The tom-boy gathered up the rest of her friends and left. By the time they turned the corner to the outside world, the mouse had died from dancing, leaving Mewtwo very lonely.
"Mewtwo!" cried a small, feminine voice. From mid-air appeared a small pink cat with big, ceal eyes, rabbit-like feet, stubby arms and a long tail, revealing herself to be Mew. She and Mewtwo squealed with joy, gave each other a large hug and left the cave. Years later, they had a litter of kids and blew up Giovanni together.
Meanwhile, outside of the cave, Misty, Max and Ash couldn't find May nor Brock in the mist. "Now what?" Misty asked.
"PARTY!" was Ash's answer. He got down on the ground and started to break-dance.
"Guess we stay lost," Max sighed.
And so he and Misty plopped themselves down while Ash broke more bones. A few seconds later, a large brown dragon with golden eyes swooped down. It threw the humans aboard and darted off home. Along the way, they burned down the nameless city where Mewtwo used to live.
Soon the whole city was in ruins and the dragon named Draco along with the three children chortled. Unfortunately, before they could party, Max fell off and was taken hostage in Littleroot Town. Misty's hair blew off, thus making her scream so loud, her head exploded. In a flash of light, Ash evolved into Bill Clinton. From below, the whole world shrieked in fear except for the terrorists.
"THE UNITED STATES IS NOW MINE TO RULE!" he hollered, cackling. That was when Draco sniped him and everyone lived happily ever after. As for Brock and May, they were abducted and probed to death by aliens. And the whole world was in peace once Giovanni was blown up by the Mew family.
"That's a corny ending!" Mewtwo shouted. He threw a PokéBall at Simon, who was busy pestering a contestant and complaining how annoying her voice was, and he was sucked into the ball, the whole audience at American Idol cheering. "Ooh! Humans can get captured!"
Thus started the name "Pocket People" and "Humon" once all of the humans had been captured by the Pokémon. Afterwards, Ho-oh, being the big, stuck-up rainbow turkey he was, got too carried away and started eating humans for fun. But that's another story.
Well, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it and getting a nice comment from one of my fans, my English teacher who read this composition one-shot. And if you are angry at what I did to a certain character, tell me, but no flaming nor bashing!
Special thanks to:
Brian Powell and many other one-shot authors: You're all my idols!
You: Thanks for reading it folks!
Me: Hey, without me, this would never have existed.
The new voice actors: This one-shot supposedly has the new voice actors "in" it. And the consequences these characters got (Except for Mewtwo, ha ha!) should happen to the new voice actors to show who's boss!
Well, I'll see you all later! Remember, I'm watching you!
*Kutie Pie* Please be kind to midgets!