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Thread: What it could lead to...(MayxDrew One-shot Rated G)

  1. #1
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    Smile What it could lead to...(MayxDrew One-shot Rated G)

    Well, yes. Yes. It's me. Again. And this time, I write to you another MayxDrew one-shot fic. Yup! I know, you really hate me.

    ~-~-~

    May fell on her knees as her tears started spilling out from her blue eyes. The crowd begin to cheer for the Drew, who just defeated her, and won the Ribbon Cup.

    “Be-Beautifly…Return…” May said, bitterly.

    “I-It was so close too…”

    “Beautifly…” Beautifly said, looking at May with pityness as Beautifly got sucked into the Pokéball.

    “It’s…all…over…” May said, getting up and walking back to Ash and the others, teary-eyed.

    Drew stared at her, before sighing as he returned his Roselia and walked over to her direction.

    ~-~-~

    May sighed as she walked on the beach, sitting down on the sand as the sound of waves soothed her and the slight breeze made her hair flow up a bit. She looked at the stars and moon and realized it was night time.

    “I was so close too!” May said, sniffing, looking down.

    A rose was shoved under her face as she stared up in surprise. She lightly took the rose as she looked up.

    “Drew?” May said, slightly above a whisper.

    “Who do you expect?” Drew asked, flicking his hair.

    “Who’s the rose for this time?! Beautifly?!” May said, slightly angry.

    Drew was taken aback by her anger, but he managed to keep his cool as he knew May was upset of not winning the Grand Festival.

    “Well, it’s for someone who can’t control her anger.” Drew said.

    “What?!” May said, getting up to face him.

    “Why you-

    “But you did a good job…today at least.” Drew interrupted.

    May calmed down as she sat back down.

    “Thanks anyway.” May said, as the breeze made her shiver.

    Suddenly, she felt weight on her shoulders. She looked up to see Drew’s purple jacket on her as she blushed faint pink.

    “Just thought you might need some cover.” Drew said, settling himself beside her.

    May smiled at him as he smiled back, causing blushes to appear on their faces. May leaned on his shoulder surprisingly, and closed her eyes. Drew blushed deep red, and looked at May who was leaning on him. Drew sighed.

    “If only I could tell you…May…” Drew murmured.

    “I love you…”

    A smile formed on May’s face as she murmured,

    “I love you…Drew…”

    ~-~-~

    Yes, I know. Review time...again. Hopefully I won't get smashed with tomatoes. -takes up shield- I know it's short...it's only two pages on Micro Word...XP
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

  2. #2
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    I think u should become a writer, u write kewlli fics >v<
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  3. #3
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    Short but it takes a lil bit fast & sweet. Anyway, I love it ^^

  4. #4
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    This is a nice little one shot. I enjoyed it. The characters stayed in character, at least until the end. They say "I love you," too easily. You need to work on spending more time building up to confessions. Sorry if I sound harsh . . . it does take practice, and I know that it's hard when the characters are so stubborn. But keep writing, and I'm sure you'll get better with practice!
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  5. #5
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    You can rewrite the ending of this One-shot. I agree with Hakajin ^^

  6. #6
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    It was short but really sweet ^_^
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  7. #7
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    short and sweet really does some it up, great and classic fic!
    ................and there goes the tumbleweed.

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    This is a nice little one shot. I enjoyed it. The characters stayed in character, at least until the end. They say "I love you," too easily. You need to work on spending more time building up to confessions. Sorry if I sound harsh . . . it does take practice, and I know that it's hard when the characters are so stubborn. But keep writing, and I'm sure you'll get better with practice!
    Nope! Not harsh at all! I need advice...and nowadays looks like no one is giving me any XD I don't really get into the whole fics thing now, so I know that I'm really...bad at it XP Thanks for the advice anyway. I think I'll rewrite the ending, check back sometime for the new rewrited ending...later on.
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

  9. #9

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    OMG!! Kitteh's reviewing!!! Well, I have to say, this was another exceptional fic by May_Beautifly. It was really short, but sweet, so the sweetness made up for it. Kudos to you! The only mistake was having them say "I love you." You made them say it a little too soon.

    ~Kitteh

  10. #10
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    Interesting. It was cute but hopefully this contructive advice I give you will help improve your growing talents. ^_^

    1) The setting was good and the description started of nicely. The ending was touching though I agree with Hakajin that is was rushed. What all authors need to remember when writing their characters is not only to keep in character but to understand the value of emotions. Empathy is such a key feature of authors to master in order to convey feelings into words and to understand the power of emotions in order to use them appropriately.

    2) It is hard to write emotions if the author is not able to empathise or has experienced the emotions they wish to write about, therefore, be careful about rushing them. You started off nicely with May's upset state and you described it well but after Drew arrived, it was too quick to say 'I love you' after she had displayed such hatred. Love is a very deep, sensitive and complex emotion that should not be taken likely, so be careful in how you express it and make sure it is in an appropriate way.

    3) Probably my final point will be length and content. It would be nice to see in your future work, a longer and more detailed account that includes a longer storyline but apart from that, it was a pleasure to read. ^_^

    Good luck with you writing.

    Take care

    WS
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  11. #11
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    Thanks Water Spirit for the advice ^_^ I'll remember that when I start another fic...
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

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