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Thread: Everytime We Touch (Contestshippy one-shot)

  1. #1

    Default Everytime We Touch (Contestshippy one-shot)

    AHHHH!!!! ANOTHER ONE-SHOT BY KITTEH!!! OK, couldn't resist writing a fic with this song... XD WEll, I hope you enjoy my... LONG one-shot. XD
    EDIT: RATED PG (For some weird reason or another)
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.
    I still feel your touch in my dreams.
    Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why.
    Without you it's hard to survive.


    May tossed and turned. In her dream, she and Drew were standing on a cliff, staring over the ocean, his fingers running up and down her arms, his chin resting on her head. How many months ago had that happened, how many months ago had they married on that same cliff? Tingles ran up and down her arms. She remembered exactly what words Drew had said to her that day.

    "May." He whispered in her ear, "I love you." And with that, he dropped to one knee in front of her, producing a small box.

    "Will you marry me?" He asked, opening the silk-covered blue box. A glistening diamond ring sat there, twinkling up at May. She gaped at it, shocked.

    "Y-yes!" May managed to choke out after a few minutes, flinging her arms around Drew. Drew gently pried her away, slipping the ring on her finger. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. May felt like she had wings on her feet.

    'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
    And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
    Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
    Need you by my side.
    'Cause everytime we touch, I feel this static.
    And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
    Can't you hear my heart beat so...
    I can't let you go.
    Want you in my life.


    May jolted awake. Drew was no where in sight. His customary rose was laying on his side of the bed, along with a note.

    "'Went to watch the sunrise, be back soon. Love, Drew.'" May whispered. She got out of bed and tugged on her pink, fluffy robe. She ran a hand through her messy brown hair, sapphire eyes twinkling in amusement. She stared at the engagement ring, still on her finger. Slipping her feet into her houseshoes, she shuffled down the hall and out the front door, seeing her husband sitting on the bench in the flower garden.

    The bench sat over Beautifly's grave. Three years ago Beautifly had passed away of old age. May had never forgotten that.

    "Drew?" May called quietly. She sat beside him, entwining her fingers with his. Every time May sat on this bench, she cried. She couldn't help it, Beautifly's death had messed her up. May's tears dropped onto the mound of earth that signified that the grave was there. She distantly felt Drew's arms wrap around her.

    Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky.
    They wipe away tears that I cry.
    The good and the bad times, we've been through them all.
    You make me rise when I fall.


    "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to disturb you..." May whispered, leaning her head on Drew's chest.

    "It's all right, honey, I kind of wanted you to join me." Drew replied, touching his forehead to hers. His emerald eyes stared deep into hers, and his sage hair fell in their faces.

    "How long do you think it will be now?" May asked, tangling her fingers with his again.

    "Well... it's been about seven months... probably another two or three months now." Drew answered, "Which is a good thing, I've been waiting forever."

    "Patience now... you only get to be a father-for-the-first-time-in-your-life once." May laughed, kissing Drew. Drew returned the kiss. This time, the wings were on his feet.

    'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
    And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
    Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
    Need you by my side.
    'Cause everytime we touch, I feel this static.
    And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
    Can't you hear my heart beat so...
    I can't let you go.
    Want you in my life.


    About two months later, May collapsed in the middle of bringing coffee to her husband at the kitchen table. Tears rolled from her eyes, contractions rippled her sides.

    "May?" Drew cried, dropping to his knees beside his wife. He realized he'd be a father soon, and he didn't know what to do. He finally picked up the phone and called the hospital.

    "We'll have an ambulance there in about ten minutes. Get her comfortable, we'll be there soon." The woman on the other end of the line said consolingly, after hearing that Drew would be a father for the first time.

    The ambulance roared into their driveway nine and a half minutes later, and two attendants hopped out, a stretcher between them. They rolled it into the house, and loaded May onto it. Drew gripped her hand and followed them to the ambulence. The ride was in silence.

    When they pulled into the empty emergency room parking lot, Drew asked,

    "Can I be there when she gives birth?"

    "Whatever her doctor says, hon." The female attendant, whose nametag read Martha, told the ex-Coordinator sympathetically.

    Drew followed them into the ER, then into the room where May would give birth.

    'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
    And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
    Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
    Need you by my side.


    After twenty minutes of frantic pacing and screams from his wife, Drew held his baby girl in his arms. She had her mother's sapphire eyes, and who knows what color her hair would be.

    "Drew, May's been asking for you." The doctor said, "She said to bring the baby. She wants you there when she names her."

    "Okay." Drew whispered hoarsely, following the doctor through the maze of hallways to May's room, his little girl still cradled in his arms.

    "Hey, honey." Drew said upon stepping into the room. May gave him an exhausted smile.

    "Giving birth is taxing. Don't ever try it." May joked, holding out her arms. Drew handed her their daughter.

    "What are we going to name her?" Drew asked, a slight frown creasing his brow.

    "I like the name Andrea. What do you think?" May answered, a smile lighting up her face as she gazed into the baby's eyes.

    "Yeah. That's perfect. Just like you two." Drew replied softly, taking his wife's hand. He hugged her, as baby Andrea cuddled between them.
    ~~~~~~~~

    What do you think?? Is it long enough? TOo short? Mistakes??? -hyperventilates- gasp... gasp... gasp... -dies-

    R&R please!!!

    WEllz, peace and crackers,

    ~Kitteh

    PS: There will be a sequel. Called     Spoiler:- Sequel Name (Also a song-fic):
    Last edited by ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~; 4th June 2006 at 7:07 PM.

  2. #2
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    May and Drew getting hitched and making babie's sounds good to me. and poor Beautifly, in both those senses it was really real. Heck, i just love May and Drew stuff like that. If there is a sequel good luck witht that.
    ................and there goes the tumbleweed.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind Waker
    May and Drew getting hitched and making babie's sounds good to me. and poor Beautifly, in both those senses it was really real. Heck, i just love May and Drew stuff like that. If there is a sequel good luck witht that.
    Thanks. (Read your newest episode... -offtopic,pleasepostinactualthread- Whoa, am I weird) Mwahahahaha. (Aha, I have to spell/grammar check your post)

    babie's
    No 's.

    i
    Capitalize your I's.

    witht
    Take away the t at the end.

    GAR!!! Being a fanfic writer makes you spell/grammar check EVERY FREAKING THING!! -hyperventilates- -dies-

    WEllz, Kitteh's going to go be weird somewhere else. Peace and crackers,

    ~Kitteh

  4. #4
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    This is so sad. Its awesome though! Plus i love this song!!!

    (Listens and dances.)

  5. #5
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    That is my favourite song! I pratically sing it every night before I go to bed! -covers mouth- Did I just say that? xD Okay, I was kidding about the singing-before-bed part. Anyway, I loved the One-Shot! ^^
    Now for the mistakes!

    "We'll have an ambulance there in about ten minutes. Get her comfortable, we'll be there soon."
    Drew handed her over their daughter.
    If you just put 'handed their', it's like it's a item. I don't know why but I just wanted to include the word, 'over' xD

    May answered, a smile lighting up her face as she gazed into the baby's sapphire, blue eyes.
    I think if you wanted it to be more descriptive, you could have added what colour it was.

    The bench sat over Beautifly's grave. May had never forgotten that three years ago, Beautifly had passed away of old age.
    Nuh-uh!

    Actually...reading back...I think your sentence makes much more sense xD Ignore me.

    They rolled it into the house, and loaded May onto it. Drew gripped her hand and followed them to the ambulence. The ride was in silence as Drew tighten his grip, anxious of the baby waiting to be born.
    Oh...great, I feel stupid adding that sentence. Anyway...

    He hugged her, as baby Andrea cuddled between them.
    GAR!!! Being a fanfic writer makes you spell/grammar check EVERY FREAKING THING!! -hyperventilates- -dies-
    I know...it happens to me too xD Sometimes, you feel that you must correct everything you see that is...just, not in the dictionary xD Probably because we wrote too many fics...0.o...

    Anyway...You didn't really make any mistakes...it was ME being picky...sorry...

    Though you have to understand...BEING A FANFIC WRITER MAKES YOU WANT TO CORRECT EVERY WORD THAT IS...NOT IN THE DICTIONARY. It's either that or the Hyper Pills I just ate are...um,...whatever.
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

  6. #6
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    It's okay, perhaps a 7/10, but I want to know why you had to make beautifly die! XP She is teh Beastage!! *sigh* Oh wellz, I guess you gotta do what you gotta do. There were a few mistakes in the actual thing, but May Beautifly already pointed them all out, so that leaves very little for me to say except, it was slightly rushed.

  7. #7
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    *Gasp* You took my song away! I was gona use tat song! Im mad at you now! You're being shun (sp?) (shun=ignored)! Anyways...
    awww! tat so cute yet sad tat beautifly died! (dont grammar check my comment i miss spell everything to type fast) good job but you're still being shun! (don't worry i still luv you^^)

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by kizara
    *Gasp* You took my song away! I was gona use tat song! Im mad at you now! You're being shun (sp?) (shun=ignored)! Anyways...
    awww! tat so cute yet sad tat beautifly died! (dont grammar check my comment i miss spell everything to type fast) good job but you're still being shun! (don't worry i still luv you^^)
    Huh!! I'm being ignored! -dies- Ah well...

  9. #9
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    Shun. No, it's really 'Shunned'. 'Shun' is used only as future tense, while 'Shunned' is used for past and present tense.
    And that's not too nice kizara. I hate mean reviews, but there I go, being a hypocrite again.

    It's defiently better then mine, because there's more interaction and less...lyrics. XD Oh well, that's just how I am. Hope to see more great fics from you, becuz you rox! X3

    >Bell<

  10. #10
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    *Gasp* I wasn't being mean! I was just messin' around w/kitteh! Its a joke people play when they're "mad" at someone or stg like tat....if i was being mean i would be cussin' a lot...which its not a good idea to make me mad coz i can say pretty mean things....and shunned is not one of 'em

  11. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by kizara
    *Gasp* I wasn't being mean! I was just messin' around w/kitteh! Its a joke people play when they're "mad" at someone or stg like tat....if i was being mean i would be cussin' a lot...which its not a good idea to make me mad coz i can say pretty mean things....and shunned is not one of 'em
    I know you were kidding. <- my infamous cheezy grin

    ~Kitteh

  12. #12
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    Yeah, so do I. I just like giving people hard times. XD

    You know what would be interesting Kitteh? Is if you did something like, 'an alternate ending'. That'd be odd. Maybe make a happy ending and a sad ending. WOAH THERE! That's a weird suggestion. o.O

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~
    "May." He whispered in her ear, "I love you." And with that, he dropped to one knee in front of her, producing a small box.

    "Will you marry me?" He asked, opening the silk-covered blue box. A glistening diamond ring sat there, twinkling up at May. She gaped at it, shocked.
    Generally you'd attach the two quotes together on the same line. So if Drew is saying both things (which you've made clear that he is), they'd be attached to the description.


    Quote Originally Posted by ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~
    "Y-yes!" May managed to choke out after a few minutes...
    Poor Drew, having to wait a few minutes for her answer. ;P Lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~
    May jolted awake. Drew was no where in sight. His customary rose was laying on his side of the bed, along with a note.

    "'Went to watch the sunrise, be back soon. Love, Drew.'"
    Sigh. This is why I love Drew, such a romantic. I like how you wrote this.

    Quote Originally Posted by ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~
    Three years ago Beautifly had passed away of old age. May had never forgotten that.
    The last sentance might make a bit more sense if you wrote "May would never forget that day." or "May had never gotten over the day her beloved pokemon died."

    Quote Originally Posted by ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~
    The ambulance roared into their driveway nine and a half minutes later, and two attendants hopped out, a stretcher between them. They rolled it into the house, and loaded May onto it. Drew gripped her hand and followed them to the ambulence. The ride was in silence.
    A few things here:

    Quote Originally Posted by ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~
    two attendants
    might be better described as two paramedics.

    Quote Originally Posted by ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~
    and loaded May onto it
    This makes May sound like a FedEx package. :P

    Quote Originally Posted by ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~
    The ride was in silence.
    This would make more sense if you said: "They rode in silence."

    Quote Originally Posted by ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~
    After twenty minutes of frantic pacing and screams from his wife, Drew held his baby girl in his arms. She had her mother's sapphire eyes, and who knows what color her hair would be.
    Just a short biology lesson. :P

    Women are generally in labor anywhere from one hour to 30 or even 48 hours. Of course, those are the extremes, but it's very rare, almost unheard of for a woman to be in labor for 20 minutes.
    Also, when babies are born, their eyes are always blue, and within the first 6 months of their lives, their eyes change to their permanent color. Hair color is usually set, though I was born with pitch black hair and now have a light brownish color. It depends on genetics and such.

    Quote Originally Posted by ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~
    Drew whispered hoarsely, following the doctor through the maze of hallways to May's room, his little girl still cradled in his arms.
    Two things. Why was Drew whispering hoarsely? From crying?
    And where was he, in the nursery? When a child is first born (unless it's different in the pokemon world. :P) They are generally transported around in their little cart (I don't remember what it's called. :P) so the hospital cannot be liable for mixing babies up, lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~
    "Giving birth is taxing. Don't ever try it." May joked, holding out her arms.
    Hahahaha. Nice.

    Quote Originally Posted by ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~
    "I like the name Andrea. What do you think?"
    I like that name too.

    This was a bit short, though I absolutely loooove that song. It was a really sweet story, and I hope you continue to write and develop your skills. If you ever have any questions or need an editor, I'm an english major and would be happy to help you out. Peace.

    First two by the amazing Teppo Pepper The far right one from Pokemon Source
        Spoiler:- MayxDrew AshxMisty PikachuxPokechow:

    Read My Fanfics:
    No Coincidence , Just Beyond The City Walls

  14. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by ashnmisty4eva
    Generally you'd attach the two quotes together on the same line. So if Drew is saying both things (which you've made clear that he is), they'd be attached to the description.




    Poor Drew, having to wait a few minutes for her answer. ;P Lol.



    Sigh. This is why I love Drew, such a romantic. I like how you wrote this.



    The last sentance might make a bit more sense if you wrote "May would never forget that day." or "May had never gotten over the day her beloved pokemon died."



    A few things here:

    might be better described as two paramedics.

    This makes May sound like a FedEx package. :P

    This would make more sense if you said: "They rode in silence."



    Just a short biology lesson. :P

    Women are generally in labor anywhere from one hour to 30 or even 48 hours. Of course, those are the extremes, but it's very rare, almost unheard of for a woman to be in labor for 20 minutes.
    Also, when babies are born, their eyes are always blue, and within the first 6 months of their lives, their eyes change to their permanent color. Hair color is usually set, though I was born with pitch black hair and now have a light brownish color. It depends on genetics and such.



    Two things. Why was Drew whispering hoarsely? From crying?
    And where was he, in the nursery? When a child is first born (unless it's different in the pokemon world. :P) They are generally transported around in their little cart (I don't remember what it's called. :P) so the hospital cannot be liable for mixing babies up, lol.



    Hahahaha. Nice.



    I like that name too.

    This was a bit short, though I absolutely loooove that song. It was a really sweet story, and I hope you continue to write and develop your skills. If you ever have any questions or need an editor, I'm an english major and would be happy to help you out. Peace.
    FedEx package... LOL. Well, I don't know much about human biology, I paid no attention to the subject in school. XD Thanks for pointing that out. -dies of overstupidity- XD

    Over and out, Everyone's weird pal,

    ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~

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