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Thread: Over ( One-Shot SongFic )

  1. #1
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    Default Over ( One-Shot SongFic )

    Uhm, this is my first fiction and I decided to write One-Shot SongFic. And my choice is Over - one of my most favorite from Lindsay Lohan. I hope everybody will like it.

    " I watched the walls around me crumble
    but its not like that will build em up again
    so here your last change for redemption
    So take it while it lasts because it will end
    And my tears are turning into time I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye"


    May was all alone in her room and she looked through the window. She watched the old street while the leaves were falling down softly. She didn't know why she cried. She told herself a thousand times that she had to say goodbye but finally she wasted her chances.

    " What is love? Why? Why does it always hurt me ? " - This question was still on her mind and she herself couldn't answer it. Somebody said that the first love would be the most beautiful one of your life but it could be the most painful one when it was broken. She tried to smile but it seemed she couldn't pretend that she didn't need Drew. And.....

    " I cant live without you
    can't breathe without you I dream about you honestly
    tell me that its over
    because the world is spinning and I'm still living
    It wont be right if were not in it together
    tell me that it's over
    And ill be the first to go "


    May sat down and turned her CD player on. The sky got darker and it began to rain

    " Love songs again. " - May whispered, " Will my love be endless like what I'm listening now? ".

    These sweet lyrics and melodies made her think about the days she used to be happy with Drew. May knew that she would be never brave enough to say goodbye, so she just waited for Drew coming and say it to her. Everything became confusing, she couldn't think of anything, those love songs were so meaningless to her.

    " Don't want to be the last to know
    Don't want to be the one to chase you
    But at the same time your the heart that I call home
    I'm always stuck with these emotions
    and the more I try to feel the less I'm whole "


    The phone rang and she immediately catched it. She heard Drew talk to her. She wanted him to say it to her now. But on the other side, she still hoped they would forget the pains and begin a new love.

    " May? Is it you "

    " Yes, it's me " - May answered tiredly

    " I think I should tell you now " - Drew said, " We should end everything right now. I'm sorry for saying it but I don't have a choice. "

    " No, it's not your fault. I see " - May smiled bitterly

    She had ended the call before Drew said something.

    She leaned on the wall and told herself : " Haha, it's over! Really over! ".

    She laughed but her tears kept on falling. May broke everything in her room. She burned the pictures about her & Drew........These memories were past.......When this love was over, so what would make them last forever.........

    It was raining heavily outside. May closed her eyes and lied on the cold floor. Everything was sleeping in silence......
    Last edited by .::Lynee::.; 6th June 2006 at 10:49 AM.

  2. #2
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    Nice. Although, it's entirely based on a break-up that's not what I support. *AGH!* Anyway, maybe it's just me, but song-fics always seem to end up short and talky don't they? o.O 10k Kudo's the the one who breaks that cycle. But it's still a nice fic. The color kind of bothers me on the layout I'm using, but w/e, that's a personal issue.

    I'm not sure why you use strange punctuation so often. You don't need the hyphen before the 'said May' or stuffz.

    She leant on the wall and told herself : " Haha, it's over! Really over! ".
    *edits out colon and adds in comma* Leant sounds kind of weird too. Try 'leaned'.

    A little more description would spice it up a bit, such as, the manner in which May and Drew spoke, reminiscantly, moodily, boredly, happily, all that good stuff.

    That's all for now folks! Maybe more later!

    >Bell<

  3. #3
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    -dies- WHY DID THEY BREAK UP? -dies a second time- NOOO!!! ;_;
    Personaly...I like this fic...alot, but I hate the fact that they broke up. Well, why do you keep putting hyphens and all those stuff before Drew said and May said? And um, um, um, I like this One-Shot! ^^
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

  4. #4
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    I like the idea of this fic- the feeling that things would be a lot better if May could just get some closure. It's a little embarrassing, but I used to think the same thing about Pokeshipping. Like if Ash would just start going out with May or something, I could finally quit analyzing every little thing and quit worrying about it. But anyway, there are some grammar errors, and it probably needs more description, but it's pretty good overall.
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  5. #5
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    Thanks for all your comments ^^
    When I was writing it, I was a bit lazy ^^ So it was rather short.
    I'll try with another Fics ^^

  6. #6
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    You know what?

    ...

    MAKE A SEQUEL! Where May and Drew meet again and...You get what I mean?

    Please? You can't end them this way! YOU CAN'T! -dies- They were meant to be together!
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

  7. #7
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    Wow! I love your idea ^^
    Someone help me to find a song about their old days ^^

  8. #8
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    Yes! YES! YESSS!!! -dies of happiness- Hm...A song about their past days? Hm...I'LL WORK ON IT RIGHT AWAY! -goes to search for all kinds of songs-
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

  9. #9
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    That'll be interesting. I'll definetly read it!

    Keith Urban--You'll Think of Me
    Keith Urban--Tonight I Wanna Cry

    Both of those are talking about breakups, when the person on one side is suffering and the other is happy. Keith Urban rox your sox! You can listen to both on Yahoo! Music.

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