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Thread: The surprise Package. Tracy & Diasy shipping

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    221

    Default The surprise package. Tracy & Diasy shipping

    This is a one-shot fanfic of Tracy and Daisy. I am not sure what the shipping is called for them. This is rated G..


    The package came in the mail, wrapped in brown paper and with a familiar handscript on it. It was placed just inside the Cerulean Gym drop off box.

    Daisy saw it as soon as she opend the drop off box.Her curiostiy was immediately aroused. The package was not large but seemed not too small either. She saw the writing "FRAGILE" on the front of the package so she did not sake it. She laid it aside as she open the front door and let herself into the Cerulean Gym. she put down her trendy,designer style purse and the bag of groceries that she had purchased at the Pokemart. She retrieve the package and had just started to close the Gyms door when she heard someone call her name. It was her youngest sister, Misty

    "Did you see the package I put there, Daisy?" Misty was asking

    "Yes, I did. Thank you." Daisy replied.

    "The driver almost did not leave it because it is insured, I believe, but I told him that he could leave it with me as I often do that for you as you were at out when they would try to deliver something." Misty continued as she stepp acros the hallway and going into the Gyms Lobby. Daisy could tell that Misty was curious about the package.

    "You are such a good sister! Whould you like some coffee? I got the expensive stuff , for some reson it just taste's better than the normal kind that sells for cheeper price. As soon as I am settled in, I will open the package and see what it is." Daisy offered.

    "That would be lovely, Daisy!" Misty accepted.

    A few minutes later, while both were enjoying freshly brewed cups of coffee, Daisy opened the package. She already knew who it was from and her heart had soared when she realized that. It was from Tracy!

    Tracy and Daisy had gotten quite serious over the year's when Tracy started to visit the Cerulean Gym to help out with what he could. He was working for Professor Oak in Pallet Town. The only contact they had with each other when Tracy was back in Pallet Town were throw letter's, e-mails and sometimes phone calls. She missed him greatly and with his absence, her social life had taking a hit. She whould try to hide her loneliness, but she could not hide it from her sisters. Misty also knew that the package was from Tracy.

    Daisy cut the package strings open and found inside two boxes and a small card. One box said "Open me first. Then the second box. Then the card." Daisy thought that was odd but she did as it instructed.

    The first box contained a gold-plated tiny minature of the legendary pokemon Zapdos. It was a music box.When Daisy wound it. The music that came from it was Elvis Presley's beautiful old ballad, " I CAN'T HELP FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU." Both Daisy and Misty ooed and aahed over the music box that seem to have cost a lot of money

    Following instructions, Daisy opened the second box and what she found inside stopped her breath. A small velvet box with a perfect emerald cut diamond on a slender yellow gold band. It was an engagement ring. Daisy started to shake and even Misty went silent but then she said, "Open the card, Daisy!"

    Daisy could barely ease the glued edge of the envelope open and found a simple blue card with a single daisy embossed on the front. When she looked inside the card, she read the words.

    "I could not help falling in love with you! Would you marry me when I come back to the Cerulean Gym in 7 month's?
    If the answer is yes, please e-mail me asap! Tracy.
    P.S. We can honeymoon in Paris!


    "Well?" Misty ask

    "Well, yes, I will!" Daisy answered her proxy in Misty

    "Good! Now, where is that computer? Misty ask whill getting up serching for it.

    "It's in my room Misty." Daisy sayd whill having a big blush on her face.

    As both women headed for Daisy's computer, Daisy said softly to herself.

    "I could not help falling in love with you either, Tracy!"

    end.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    ____behind you :OO
    Posts
    1,289

    Default

    Short...And you use short sentence like,

    When Daisy wound it.
    Try to make sentences longer, and Daisy should say, for example,

    "Well, like, yes I will!" Daisy answered.

    Daisy, Violet and Lily always use 'like' in their sentences, but we are talking about Daisy...so ignore Violet and Lily.

    "Well, yes, I will!" Daisy answered her proxy in Misty
    What on earth is proxy?

    Daisy sayd whill having a big blush on her face.
    What is whill? What is sayd? It should be 'while' and 'said'...

    There are other spelling mistakes, but you should check them yourself. The plot was easy, the description is quite good, but you have a few spelling mistakes. Besides, the plot was only-

    Daisy comes back to gym-She recieves a package-Tracey asks to marry her-She agrees

    Come on, you can think up of better ideas to add in! Anyhow, I rate this story 3 stars.
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

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