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Thread: A day with May, ASCCshippy Rated R

  1. #1
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    Default A day with May, ASCCshippy Rated R

    This is an AdvanceSugerCookieContestshippy! Meaning that it has Advanceshipping, SugerDaddyshipping, Cookieshipping and Contestshipping. May with Ash, Brock, Harley and Drew.. This is Rated- R! yes there is sex in this one, but it does not go beyond “ we made love, or we were making love ”. its not graphic, and does not have full description. this is a one-shot.

    May age=35, Ash age=36, Brock age=42, Harley age=40, Drew age=35

    A day with May:

    My name is May, my life seems to revolve around my husband, Ash, not that it was a bad thing I guess. We’ve been married a little over ten years now. But, if you’re anything like me, I need to have plenty going on in my life to keep me occupied. Since been retrenched from Pokemon Contests 2 months ago, do to the Grand Festival being over. I’ve kind of stagnated, both personally and professionally.

    Today was starting off like every other day of the last 2 months. Ash gone to train some were and I am at a loose end. My only salvation these last 2 months has been my daily grind at the Petalburg Gym. I guess that’s where I am heading this morning too. My father had convinced me to take over the Gym for him while he and my mom went away on a trip. Max, my little brother was somewere in the Johto region.

    I packed my bag and headed off to the gym. I don’t really know any of the trainers that came to the Gym to gain a Balance Badge, but at least my pokemon can get a good work out and it does manage to kill the boredom for me.

    After arriving at the gym I head off to change into my gear, crop top and leotard. I know my figure is still good from the odd admiring glances that I get from the trainers. It always does your self-esteem good to notice that you still attract a look every now and again.

    My first mission for the morning is to get my pokemon ready to battle by giving them simple exercises. I head on over to gym floor’s and let out my pokemon. My Skitty, Beautifly, Squirtle, Bulbasaur, Munchlax, Eevee, and my Combusken. We begin with simple attacks and running around the Gym. About half way through of are exercises I hear a voice saying “ Oh my, May is that you?” I quickly look around, but didn’t immediately recognize the voice or the person speaking. The voice adds, “ You don’t remember me, do you?”

    Feeling slightly embarrassed, I have to apologize and admit that I don’t. ‘It’s me, Brock My god, it had been 10 years since the last time I had heard that name.

    Brock had always been attractive man, not startlingly handsome , but attractive all the same. This man before me didn’t resemble the Brock I remembered. He was stunning. Tall, slim, a body to die for. But the easy manner ,confidence, and womanizer was the Brock I remembered.

    I quickly stepped over to were he was, we embraced like long lost friends. It was so nice to see a friendly face. We spoke briefly and decided to go to my house for to get coffee or something. I put all of my pokemon back in there pokeballs and close the gym. I had put the sing up saying “Back in 5 minuets” on the door. We walk back to the house, not really surprise to fine that Ash was still gone training some were.

    Once at the house I showed him the yard, swimming pool and patio, and all the new stuff that was added to the house, exc. We then settled down to drink the coffee and catch up on old news. The time was flying by, the 2nd pot of coffee was gone and the old memories were coming thick and fast. We were having such a blast remembering all the good old times. Laughing about all the times Team Rocket tried to steal are pokemon, and all the wicked, cool thing’s we did when we traveling with each other.

    I decided to raid the wine rack and got a few bottles of wine. After the bottles were empty we were both rather tipsy, and really didn’t care that we were well on the way to being drunk.

    It was a beautiful afternoon so we ventured out to the pool and stretched out on the reclining lounge chairs with our glasses brimming, filled with wine and we continued on reminiscing. I guest for the time being I forgot about the Gym.

    An hour later, very intoxicated, I suggested we take a swim in the pool. Brock was quick to point out that he didn’t have a swimsuit. Being as drunk as I was I couldn’t have given a care in the world and suggested we skinny dip, just like Ash I do when there was a full moon out, or just to cool off at night.

    Neither of us having a care in the world, we stripped down to nothing and very quickly got in the pool, diving and darting and laughing all the time.

    Thirty minutes later we were both exhausted and made our way back to the reclining lounge chairs. Both now totally comfortable with our nakedness we stretched out beside each other and topped up our glasses.

    We continued on chatting and bringing each other up to speed on our current lives. Me, pointing out just how bored I was lately and Brock telling me all about his single carefree life. We were both very drunk now and as often happens when you’ve had too much to drink, discussions turned to some thing else. Brock told me he never did get married, and that his relationship with the Frontier Brain Lucy did not last long.

    Not sure what had happen next, but the next thing I knew we were making love beside the pool. An hour later, we got dress and went back in the house. Brock said he had to go, and I told him good bye, and that he was just wonderful. He gave me a deep kiss before he said good bye.

    I maid my way back to the Gym. There were a few mad trainer’s waiting to battle. I unlock the Gym door’s and let them in. Finally about 6:00 in the after noon I battled all of them. Two of them had beat me and won the Balance Badge. But the rest of them, dispute me still being drunk from the all wine I had drank with Brock, I was able to send them out of the Gym with out the Balance Badge. One of them even acted like a little crybaby because he did not win one.

    I had decided to take a real earn break. I put all of my pokemon back in their pokeballs and was about to walk out the Gym when another trainer came walking in. I knew who he was right away. It was Harley, but wait what is Harley doing here? He is a Coordinator not a trainer! And this was a Gym, not a Contest hall!

    “Harley, what you doing here?” I ask him very demanding tone of voice.

    “ hehe, so it’s true! You are the new Petalburg Gym leader! “ Harley retorted has he walked his way over towards May.

    Harley was over six feet tall and very trim. He had purple colored hair that went pass his shoulders, and he wore an outfit that resemble an Cacturne. Thou I really did not like him, he had that bad boy image that I found irresistible. To bad Ash never really had a bad boy side to him self, except that time he become evil at the Battle Pyramid, I admit Ash was pretty hot there. But Harley always had the bad boy image, that always manage to make me think about him.

    “ ohh I am only filling in for my father until he get’s back from the trip.’ I was still drunk, and Harley was looking really good.

    “Oh my, sounds fascinating. So you stop being a Coordinator? Does this mean, dare I say it, are rivalry is over?” Harley walks over to May with tears in his eyes.

    He came up to me and grabs my hands, and holds them. He was crying!

    “No, uh No Harley, I uhh just filling in for him to the time being!” I barely manage to control my self.

    “ohh good, I hope your not lying! I mean, I don’t know what I would do if you were no longer my rival!” Harley was crying! He put his head on Mays shoulder.

    “oh, Harley don’t cry! I am not quitting to be a Coordinator, has soon the next season of Contests start’s for next year’s Grand Festival I be out of this Gym and back into the Contest halls wining ribbons! And Harley if you really don’t want me to stop being your rival, there is some thing you can do to make that rivalry stay.”, I could no longer contain my self.

    “What? What is it? Just tell me and I do it!” Harley shouted out.

    “Make love to me!” I told Harley.

    “uuh? What?? Did you say? I ???” Harley was very confused by this.

    I deeply kiss Harley on lips. He was very surprise by this, but he did not resist me. I push him down on the floor of the Gym We made love right there, not caring if any body would walk in on us and fine us like this. After we were done, Harley got dress and walk out the Gym like he was drunk man, who could not tell his right foot from his left one. He staggered away from the Gym, I really did not care were he was going. I was satisfied because it was fun being with him right here in the Gym.

    I look at the Gyms clock and notice that it was now 8:45. The sun will soon be going down, and I am sure Ash would be back at the house by now. I walk out of the Gym and lock its doors. I Started to walk back towards the house when I notice that some one was following me. I turn around and it was him, Drew!

    “Drew!” I just said out loud ,I just stared at him. I have not seen him since the last Grand Festival. I had faced him in a battle in it, and I beat him. Though I went to lose in my next battle , I still manage to get further than him in it. At the time that what all mattered. Now, seeing him here, after what I have done with Brock and than with Harley I don’t know if would be able to stop my self if something started to happen with him here.

    He was holding one of those roses that he usually had with him. He didn’t say any thing, he just walk up to me and give me the rose. This was not the first time he gave me a rose, in fact when I was traveling with Ash for the first time I meet Drew. After a seeing him around the contests he started to give me roses, I really didn’t know why, but I like it. I had wished that Ash would do something like that, like give me wildflowers but he never did. I took the rose and hold it near my chest. Drew than flip his hair and started to walk away. I didn’t want him to go, I wanted to be with him. I ran up to him, stopping him from leaving.

    He just stared at me in my eyes, like he has done so many times before. His eyes remind me of emeralds. This time, I was not scared, and since Ash was not around I was finally free to be with him. I took hold of his hands, and we went for a walk. We went to an area that had lots of trees. We had sat down underneath the big tree that was there. We started to kiss and we made love underneath the big tree has the sun was setting behind us.

    It was dark by the time I finally got back to the house. To my surprise Ash was not there. I decided to take a shower. When I was almost done with the shower I heard that Ash was finally home. Pikachu I could tell was happy about something because it was being really chatty saying “ Pika! Pikachu!! I walk out of the shower and out of the bathroom. I did not care I was undress and naked, I was married to Ash. He has seen me like this many times. Ash surprise me, he grab me from behind and put his hands around my stomach, and than gently place them on my hips. He than kiss me on the neck, some thing that I really love. He whispered something in my ear, and he gentle pick me up, and carried me to are bedroom. He place me down on are bed and we made love for the night.

    End.....
    Last edited by MayisCool; 15th June 2006 at 12:27 AM.

  2. #2

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    Um... this is just... stupid. You have May making love right and left, and that's just... ugh. I'm not saying this fic is entirely terrible, but seriously, cut down on May making love with people. It starts to get weird after a while.

    I'm sorry if my put-bluntly review upset you,

    ~Kitteh

  3. #3
    skeletonswithoutlove Guest

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    Ok...i just kinda scanned over this, and it's....uh.....wierd. I'd have to agree with kitteh, but it's only my opinion. If May was married to Ash, why is she making love with everyone else? My appoligies if this upset you, but I'm not into this sort of thing.


  4. #4
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    Weird...Stupid...Makes NO-sense at all...In fact, all your storys don't exactly make...sense -_-;; May making out with Drew, Harley, Brock and Ash...is just plain wrong, and there's the end? Seriously...I can't explain this...this is just...This makes NO point at all, I'll say. And if you think I'm being harsh, then I suggest you to make your stories have more...nicer plots, for example, this story. Carry on with this story and make she choose ONLY ONE person
    -_-;;

    Seriously, this makes NO point.

    I'll take my leave now.

    ~*~*May_Beautifly*~*~
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

  5. #5
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    I highly doubt that May would ever be a gangbanger, but I'd advise writing a little better next time. The story moved rather quickly and had bad pacing. Also, attempt to keep the reader interested. Sex in a story does not a good story make.
    Zepther is not a perfect city, filled with crime and evil. Through its dark alleys and narrows streets, a silent watcher protects the people, calling forth the darkness of metal to defend them. Cloaked in black, shrouded in the mysteries of his past, his cold heart is true as steel. His name is Chronos. He is the Dark Eye.
    The legacy begins...

  6. #6
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    (Note to readers: Do not be offended by the following messege. It is intended for educational purposes only)

    I want to spew. Literally. Firstly, it seems to me you're a new at the fan writing business. Let me give you a bit of advice:

    KNOW THE PERSONALITIES OF YOUR CHARACTERS INSIDE OUT BEFORE WRITING EVEN IF YOU INTEND TO MAKE YOUR CHARACTERS ACT OUT-OF-CHARACTER.

    *Pant, pant* Thank you for listening to my rant. Firstly, I highly doubt May of Petalburg, the one and only, would make love with THAT many people in one day and won't be guilty about it. Plus she's married. Seriously.

    Love Triangles, Squares, heck even Pentagons are fine AS LONG AS YOU ARE FULLY SUFFICENTLY ABLE TO ENGAGE YOUR AUDIENCE. The problem with these types is not to try and make the centre of the attention (in this case May) look like a playgirl/playboy/*****/whateveryouwanttocallit. Keep the emotions and thoughts going; what is May thinking while planning on doing all of this? Any guilt? Sorrow? Even happiness?

    Also, your descriptions are lacking and your portrayal of characters is well, out of sync. Also, hate to be rude but going out with the big bang 'R' Rating isn't a good idea; it's really hard to actually do well in that rating. How about the old old fluffy K or G Rating Story for your next fanfic? Those are the most common and most loved stories among Shippers. Plus, they're much easier than the "R" Rating to keep your audience engaged. I suggest you try that.

    Sorry if I offended you but I had to get that out of my system. This is only intended for educational critisms so do not be offended by its contents.

    Under the Same Sky - PG-15||Completed

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  7. #7
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    Lol I got a good laugh out of that one, it was so badly written and unrealistic. As much as I don't like May, she doesn't get drunk cheat on her husbaned with three other random guys from her past. She's not a **** at least. And the story had so little detail and description that it doesn't keep the reader interested. The whole thing was horribly rushed with no description at any part of the story
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  8. #8
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    Eek. It's kinda gross how they're in their late 30s & 40s ><

  9. #9
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    Ok, this seems not too be a well written story at all. And May isn't like the way you have said in the story in either her character or out of charater.

  10. #10
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    Dude. You need a plot. Writing about a girl who's getting four different guys is only fine if you entertain the audience and if there was a problem resolved. If you're not going to entertain the audience with four different guys, stick with ONE. Basically this whole one-shot is a bunch of nothing. Nothing happened from the beginning to the end--what good did May get out of bedding four different guys? In the end, nothing changed. Oh, and you turned May into a *****. Please know more about the character in the anime, and actually try to make her act that way. Making a character OOC is fine if there's humor or intricate plot involved, but this is character rape.

    ...And on a last note, get your grammar and spelling corrected. It's plain annoying. Try not to get words mixed up, either, like "made" and "maid". Paying attention to English class would be a good idea right about now...Also, try reading other fanfictions--particularly the long and popular ones, and try to look at what they're doing that you're not. Pay attention to what makes a good story, and what doesn't.

  11. #11

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    Also, you should show, instead of tell, for you made May go like " My name is May and I'm marry to Ash!" Instead, you should show by expressing a wedding ring on Ash and May.

  12. #12
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    First fic i've seen where May's been portrayed as er um scarlett woman (or sl*t). A very interesting idea however the story was too quick, fast-paced and May's activities seemed rushed. Character developement was none. This is an idea that can be fixed and rewritten into say 40 chapters. That'll be entertaining to read.


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  13. #13
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    This-sorry to say- sucked! What's with May? All characters were out of character. Write something that is not rated R.
    Thankyou
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  14. #14
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    WHAT THE H*LL???!!!
    Why did May make love to every character she came across? J*s*s Chr*st...
    What a weird fic.
    You don't think
    there will be any
    Ruby/Sapphire remakes?


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