A Pokemon-Centric one-shot of a shiny Pachirisu and his life.
I don’t normally do this kind of thing, but...
Trigger Warning: Fic deals with themes of suicide. You’ve been warned.
Other than that, no other real warnings are needed. No strong language, no gore, no sexual themes, etc.
FelixFelix was a lonely squirrel.
It wasn't his fault. Not really. But he supposed he should be used to it by now. Besides his family, no one cared about him enough to spend time with him.
Felix the Pachirisu was special. While most of his kind were a simple white coloring with a blue stripe running down their back and tail, Felix had the misfortune to be born with a pink stripe instead. It was not a simple pink, either; it was a vibrant magenta. It was a rare kind of genetic mutation that happened only once in a blue moon, though any Pachirisu with this mutation always had a pink stripe.
Felix had never met another Pokemon like him. He knew more pink Pachirisu existed out there somewhere, but not anywhere nearby. If only I had been born a girl, he sometimes thought. Nobody would have a problem with me then. I'd probably even be super popular too. Oh, if only...
This stripe, however, gave him issues when it came to socializing. He went to a park where many Pokemon his age spent their afternoons. It was a large clearing in the trees littered with several groups of Pokemon, all deeply entrenched in their own conversations. Felix wanted to be a part of that.
He approached an Ambipom and introduced himself. But the monkey had just looked down at him and laughed. Then, Felix was pulled up by his tail and dropped on a table surrounded by large, intimidating Pokemon.
"Check out what I found, guys!" the Ambipom announced to his fellow goons.
"Woah, this one's pink! No way!" one of the surrounding Pokemon exclaimed.
"This one is a guy..." said another, sounding like he was holding back his own laughter.
"Nah, dudes, this kid can't be a guy. What kinda guy is that pink?" Ambipom asked, still amused. He grabbed Felix's tail again and held him just above the tabletop. Felix wanted to squirm, but it wouldn't do any good.
"Well, hey, Alex over there is a pink dude," a goon offered.
The Ambipom looked over at the Jigglypuff some distance away. "Hm, you're right!"
Felix was panicking at the situation. "Why are you doing this? I just wanted to say hello!"
The monkey raised his eyebrows, amused. "I dunno. There's just something about showing the losers their place that entertains me. Now, why don't you go hang out with those pink dudes where you belong?"
A strong fling had Felix soaring across the field, and he rolled as he struck the ground. After coming to a stop, Felix stayed motionless for a time. Then, he shuddered and propped himself back up onto his feet again.
Felix glanced over at the Jigglypuff and his surrounding groups of friends. Even from here, Felix could hear their flamboyant mannerisms. He didn't dare go over to them. Felix just wasn't like them.
He tried talking to a group of girls. Girls like pink, right? Well, apparently, they didn't like pink on male Pokemon. They just laughed at him. The leader of their little troupe scoffed and suggested to her friends that they "leave this pink, gay thing and go somewhere else."
Felix sat in the grass by himself. Why did they all do this? It's not my fault that my stripe is pink.
He tried again and again. The nerds wouldn't talk to him. They were playing some game where they pretended to fight each other, rather than actually doing so. Felix had to ask what they were doing, and that alone earned their scorn. The girls stared with disgust every time he approached. He didn't dare talk to the Ambipom again. Though that didn't stop the monkey from going to Felix when he wasn't paying attention, grabbing him by the tail, and throwing him at tree trunk. Or a wall. Or into a stream.
He learned quickly that he wasn't welcome at those groups at all. This animosity, however, started to spread. Felix could walk into any area with Pokemon and earn scornful gazes just by showing up. Eventually, he just stopped trying.
Without a place to be on long afternoons, he spent his time in a special garden he had found near a precipice. Truth be told, it was less of a garden and more of a random collection of wild berry bushes, but Felix loved it all the same. If his kind wouldn't be his company, then the plants would have to do.
Most days, he curled up under a Pecha Berry tree, absentmindedly snacking on its fruit. Without a sentient mind to talk to, he daydreamed his own adventures. He looked at the clearing and saw an epic battle of monstrous Pokemon fighting to the death, or sometimes an imaginative spatial flurry of lights.
In his more depressive moments, he curled up by the cliff's edge instead. The river at its bottom had carved a path through the mountain several trees deep. It'd be a lethal fall. He would look at the rushing whitewater as it forced its way along.
I wonder what it'd be like. To just let go. To just fall. To feel the wind in my fur, and humidity on my cheeks. Would it be over quickly?
He never had the courage, nor the cowardice, to actually make the jump. Instead, he just stared at the flowing water. He'd let his mind wander until dusk, and then he'd head home.
His family was supportive. He could talk to them. But they didn't truly understand. They didn't know what it was like. They were blue. His sister defended him as much as she could. It was bittersweet. It was nice that someone was standing up for him, but for that person to be his sister and his younger one at that... It definitely didn't help in the long run, and just gave his hecklers more ammunition.
His mother was fine, of course. She doted on him like a mother does. She called him her "Shining Child,” referencing the slight sparkle that his pink stripe naturally displayed. His father, however, was different. Felix's father loved him, that much he knew. But the "Shining Child" could tell that his own father held reservations. He could see it in his eyes. He could see, deep down, that he was disappointed. Not necessarily at Felix himself, but for the color of his fur. He knew it wasn't the child's fault, but the feeling remained.
That very fact also explained why Felix was almost never home. He was always at that grove. There, he could be alone, not because he had to be, but because he wanted to be.
He did go into town on occasion, despite being generally unwelcome in any large group. Various small Pokemon ran shops there. There were also parks and gathering spots, but Felix had no use for them. He had already tried talking the Pokemon in there. But the shopkeepers were courteous enough - so long as Felix was there to spend some coin.
During one of those trips into the market, Felix witnessed an amazing sight: standing over by the fruit stand was a female Pachirisu with a pink bow tied to her left ear. It bounced as she rooted through the fruit stand, looking for the perfect Berry to purchase. Felix snuck around the stalls to get a better look at this girl. She was blue, like all the others, but she seemed different somehow.
He hid behind the walls of the market stall next to the Berry shop and spied on the newcomer. She was smaller than some of the others, though still the same age, roughly. But Felix was locked on her ponderous, deep-in-thought expression. Her brow was tilted upward slightly, and her mouth was barely opened as she studied the fruit. Disappointed in what she found, she left empty-handed. Soon, she vanished into the throng of people.
The pink-striped Pachirisu looked into the crowd but couldn't spot her anymore. Who was that? he wondered.
Disappointed, Felix left for his meadow. When he got close, he heard the sound of rustling in the clearing, so Felix hid as he approached it. Through the bushes, he could see a small Pachirisu hopping in place, attempting to reach a Pecha Berry hanging from a branch just a bit too high up. Felix's heart raced when he saw the girl in his garden. His new favorite person in his favorite place? Maybe things were looking up after all.
The pink-striped squirrel hopped from the bushes and raced across the small, grassy field. Felix jumped just before reaching the girl, swiping the Pecha Berry like he had done so many times before. He landed on his feet and presented the pink berry, unharmed, to the girl.
"Oh!" she let out, startled. "Um, thank you." She graciously took the Berry. "Oh, hey, I've seen you before. Felix, right?"
The boy nodded with a big grin. "Yeah! And don't worry about the Berry, I do that kind of stuff all the time."
"Do you come here a lot then? I just barely found this place today." She looked around the grove. "Oh! My name's Samantha, by the way."
"Samantha... That's a pretty name. But yeah, I come here a lot. Like, a lot. I don't really have anywhere else to go." Felix looked at the ground for a moment. "Everyone sorta just hates me."
The girl was silent for a moment and took a bite of her Pecha Berry. She contemplated the flavor for a moment. "Well, that can't be true. Someone has to like you."
Felix shook his head. "Besides my family, I'm pretty sure everyone hates me. But don't worry about that; it's stupid. So, um, you like Pecha Berries, huh? I saw you at the fruit stand early looking through them."
"Yeah, they're my favorite food. But I'm really picky about them. None of those were any good." She paused for a moment and raised an eyebrow at Felix. "I didn't see you at the fruit stand. Where were you?"
Felix froze. Face warm, he replied, "I was, uh, hiding."
"Because... because... because... I was nervous," he stammered out.
"Nervous? About what?"
It was now or never. "Because I think you're... really cute... and... I think I like you." Felix couldn't believe what he was doing. All of this was a million miles out of his comfort zone, and his chest felt ready to explode.
Samantha dropped her gaze to the bite in her Pecha Berry. She said nothing for what seemed like an eternity. Then, "You seem like a really sweet guy, Felix..."
Felix's mind raced. Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it... He knew what word was coming. He could feel it. His heart trembled.
"But... No, I'm sorry. I... I can't. Look, if someone were watching this right now, I'd be just as much of an outcast as you are! No, I couldn't handle that." Her face was rigid. Cold.
The world slowed to a stop. Felix's mind refused to process the words he was hearing. His gaze fell to the blades of grass below him. "But-"
Samantha stopped him. "Sorry, I have somewhere to be."
Felix, still looking at the ground, listened as she ran off on all fours. She was gone. His gaze shifted to the Pecha Berry she had left behind.
Really, though, what had he expected? No one liked him, he knew that. Why did he even try? Did he really think he'd be that lucky? He was a fool. He didn't know where he was going. He just wanted to leave.
His life was a failure. No friends, no accomplishments, no money, no anything. I should have just stayed home my whole life. It'd have been just as effective. And he failed to befriend the only girl he had ever felt anything towards. It was foolish; they hadn't even met, really. But it was just another reminder that he was a nobody. She even said it. He was an outcast.
That night, he stood at the edge of the cliff in his little garden. He looked out at the cloudy, nighttime sky. Not a single star shone, and the moon was even blocked by a thick layer of overcast. It was dark and dreary, something Felix thought was somewhat poetic.
His heart beat furiously. His chest still hurt. His mind raced. He saw nothing but memories of living nightmares - his own recent past. Larger, bulkier Pokemon threw him into a wall; flocks of others laughed as they did so. Girls looked away as he walked by. Even socially awkward people made excuses to avoid talking to him.
Voices spoke behind him, saying awful things about him - none of which were true. Soon, it became noise, senseless noise ringing in his ears. He couldn't hear anything but the noise, and he couldn't think of anything but the torment that was his life. He opened his eyes and, passed the hallucinations of dismay, he stared at the infinite darkness below.
Felix was a lonely squirrel.
So he asked eternity to keep him company.