Gasp!! Ho-oh's layin' it on THICK, the stupid liar!! (Not insulting the real Ho-oh here) He's like, "I want you to be meh trainer, Ashy!!" *wink*
'Kay, couple of mistakes-
May looked at her strangely at first then recalled, “yes he was, we lost him in the explosion, I got to him earlier but then I left to look for Brock and Max.” Capi, plz! 8D“We’re invincible.” Team Rocket cheered and Jessie put on some rubber gloves. (if they cheered, put an exclamation point. shows expression.)“Finally!” Jessie laughed and hugged the Pokemon, “this was so easy!” Meowth and James quickly yelled, “C’mon Jessie, into the balloon!”
“Hey, you should be like everyone else,” he grinned, shoved a small compartment in front of Ash’s face and placed his paw dangerously close to the button, “bye twerp!”
“Oh thank goodness they’re alright!” a voice called from what seemed like a distance, “they could’ve been killed!”
“Wha…” Misty tried to stretch her arms but had found no strength to do so, “where am I?”
“Oh thank goodness she’s awake!” A blue blur appeared before Misty and a pink blur took Misty’s wrist, “she’s so weak, let her sleep Jenny.”
“Alright Joy,” the blur began clearing up slightly, “goodnight Misty.”
“Ash!” Mrs. Ketchum began losing her temper, “fine! I’ll go in and get your father then!”
“A Pokemon?” Ash smiled, “that’s what I want to be!”
CapiI have to make this quick, but just 2 more things-Yes, Ash, do not worry, I shall bring you back to the Pokemon Center soon, I just took this opportunity to speak to you, I saved you from the final explosion, his eyes flowed in the dark. Did you mean "glowed"?
She must be in a hospital. You went from from past to present tense.You should try to revise that, 'cause it just basically- Bullet, bullet, bullet. Sentence, sentence, sentence. Here's an example of what you could do:Then there was an explosion. But not from the box. From an outer wall. A giant bird flew in. It landed before Team Rocket and Ash. The large bird screeched loudly, spread its wings and sent a powerful wave to envelope Ash. And that’s what it did. Ash’s body was in a giant wispy force field. Ash smiled, knowing someone had come to save him and before he knew it, Team Rocket went flying. How it happened? He didn’t know. He couldn’t remember. He felt tired, he forgot about Pikachu, he fell into a deep sleep… What was happening?
Suddenly, an explosion came bursting through from the wall beside him, but it wasn't from the box. A giant, rainbow bird came through the giant hole, and landed in between ash and Team rocket. It screeched in fury, and spread its wings, a powerful wave emitting from it and enveloping Ash in a large, protecting bubble. Ash smiled, knowing that something was on his side and protecting him. Out of nowhere, Team Rocket was flying off. "How?" he thought, but it was blocked from his memory. He felt tired, and soon forgot about Pikachu. His eyes drooped, and then he layed down, quckly falling asleep. "How..." his thoughts came to a stop.
Why didn't ya PM me? ;.; I look forward to your e-mails...
~The Talking Absol, over and out~