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Thread: It Was Meant To Be- AAML One-shot, Rated PG

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  1. #1
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    Default It Was Meant To Be- AAML One-shot, Rated PG

    This is my first fanfic and I would very much appreciate any constructive criticism you may have.

    Enjoy. ^^

    <3 ~Jiarchi_Lily






    “Pikachu, Thunder!” yelled a 14-year old boy at his Pokemon. The yellow electric mouse leapt in the air and let loose a crackling surge of electricity from its red cheeks. The powerful current headed straight towards its target, another Pikachu. The only difference between the two battling Pokemon was the opposing Pikachu’s slack look of utter horror as the lightening bolt made a direct hit.

    The stadium was filled with blazing light and smoke as the area around the Pokemon exploded from the heat of the others attack.

    Ash’s Pikachu landed back safely on the ground, panting, its brow furrowed as it glared at the mass of smoke, obscuring its opponent from sight. Slowly, the smoke began to clear, revealing a singed Pikachu lying on the ground, twitching as the extra electricity rushed around its body.

    The referee waited a few moments to see if the obviously fainted Pokemon was going to make a come back. After finalizing that it wasn’t going to, he shouted in a clear and official voice.

    “Pikachu is no longer able to battle. Ash Ketchum of Pallet Town wins the match and…” The referee paused as a grin crossed his face. “Is now the new champion of the Hoenn Pokemon League!”

    Ash’s face went blank with shock as the stadium erupted with screams from his supporting fans. He sank to his knees, staring blankly ahead of him. As it slowly sunk in, his face broke into a brilliant smile. He jumped back up quickly, the smile still plastered on his face. He’d done it. He’d finally made his dream, his destiny, after trying for 4 years, come true. As this thought struck him, tears seeped out of his eyes and started rolling down his cheek. For the first time, he didn’t hide behind his cap like he usually when he cried. He let out a joyous shout and was soon balled over by Pikachu and…Misty?
    She hugged him tightly, laughing and crying at the same time. He held onto her and spun her around, laughing as well. As he brought her back to the ground, he looked down at her and found himself staring into her beautiful blue eyes.

    Without giving it another thought, and ignoring the fact that a packed stadium was staring down at the both of them, he leant down and kissed her.

    It felt like fireworks were going off in his stomach as he felt her return his kiss. Everything round him seemed to slow down and all sounds were blocked by his ears. The kiss ended after what felt like an eternity and sounds exploded everywhere.

    A blush stained his cheeks as he saw that his mother, Professor Oak, Brock and Tracey looking at him and Misty knowingly. Ash looked at Misty again and she giggled slightly, her own pale cheeks tinged a soft pink.

    As he got over his embarrassment, Ash turned to look at he opponent who was smiling happily at him.

    “Well done, Ash. In more ways then one, if you don’t mind me saying.” Said Ritchie, and with a cheeky smile on his face, he winked at Misty. She laughed and tightened her grip on Ash’s waist.

    Ash looked at Ritchie with a silly grin on his face. “You battled well too, my friend” Ash replied, extending out his hand to Ritchie.

    Ritchie’s smile got even wider as he grasped Ash’s hand enthusiastically and shook it. He then bid farewell to both Ash and Misty and walked off the field.

    Ash and Misty watched him until he disappeared through the wide door that he’d walked through at the beginning of the match.
    They then turned to the group that stood nearby. Delia and May were positively soaked with their own tears, while Professor Oak and Tracey simply looked proudly at Ash. Max just looked confused.

    Brock ran up to Ash and Misty with a huge smile on his face. He stopped right in front of them, looking from Ash’s face to Misty, before he pulled them both into a bone breaking hug. After hearing them gasping for breath, he let them go and placed a hand on each of their shoulders.

    “It was meant to be...” he whispered to them.

    Misty just looked at Ash with a smile as they headed towards the exit.



    THE END. ^^

    Credit to Blue_Rakuen from LJ. <3~ you. ^^

    Read and review my AAML one-shot: "It Was Meant To Be"

    Lily's PokePet

    Skittles the level 32 Mime Jr.!

  2. #2

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    *sniff* I looooooooooooooved it! You're off to a good start and I look forward to more shipping fics from you. No grammar errors I caught.

  3. #3
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    Was that it...
    Oh, okay, I guess I was expecting a chapter story, but this is great too!
    Lets see,
    Ash’s face went blank with shock as the stadium erupted with screams from his supporting fans. He sank to his knees, staring blankly ahead of him. As it slowly sunk in, his face broke into a brilliant smile. He jumped back up quickly, the smile still plastered on his face. He’d done it. He’d finally made his dream, his destiny, after trying for 4 years, come true. As this thought struck him, tears seeped out of his eyes and started rolling down his cheek. For the first time, he didn’t hide behind his cap like he usually when he cried. He let out a joyous shout and was soon balled over by Pikachu and…Misty?
    She hugged him tightly, laughing and crying at the same time. He held onto her and spun her around, laughing as well. As he brought her back to the ground, he looked down at her and found himself staring into her beautiful blue eyes.
    Lovely discription! I was like "OMG! I can so picture that happening!" And Ash picking up Misty, a sight that truly needs to be! ^^
    Without giving it another thought, and ignoring the fact that a packed stadium was staring down at the both of them, he leant down and kissed her.
    Awe, that is soooo cute!!! XD
    Ash and Misty watched him until he disappeared through the wide door that he’d walked through at the beginning of the match.
    They then turned to the group that stood nearby. Delia and May were positively soaked with their own tears, while Professor Oak and Tracey simply looked proudly at Ash. Max just looked confused.
    I loved this part too, the way you put all this great discription! It was great! Max looked confused? Poor guy!

    This is the first PS fic I've reviewed to(I think) and it was really great! I loved it! As a first fanfic, it was great! And the discription! Discription! DISCRIPTION! I love it when ppl are great at writting it (because that is where I suck at the most when writting a fic) You're story seemed as if it could really happen! Awe, I wish it could! But anyway, lovely fic for your first!
    ~*Uza-chan's Good bye*~

    IS SUPAH FIIIINE

  4. #4
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    Thumbs up Two thumbs up!

    This is a pretty good beginning to a starting writer. The best constuctive advice I'll give you is to lengthen your stories. Reviewers like that. I know I used to write my stories super short and even though people acted like they liked it, the more I read it, the moe I wish I had extended it. It kind of keeps them on a hook you know?
    Well anyway congratulations--good job! When it's a short one-shot like this it's fine...
    But if you ever start writting fics with action or chapters, remember my advice, make them at least 2 pages each.
    GREAT START!
    .../\/\...
    PS: Check out my fic Hero and leave some constuctive advice too. THANKS!
    Pokeshipper
    (n.): Because we don't forget 5five
    seasons, 4four cameos, 3three supporters,
    2two gifts, and 1one departure worth of emotions.

  5. #5
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    Thanks guys, you've all just made my day.
    And XxM!styxX, I promise to keep your advice in mind if I write any other stories. I just need inspiration first, because I thought up this story after listening to a song from Narnia. Weird, eh?

    Omg...
    I've just relized that XxM!styxX and Uzamaki Hinata are the authors of two of my favourite shipping fics. I <3 you. ^^

    And Krys, glad you loved it. It just boost my self-esteem to see people enjoy something that I've written.

    <3~Jirachi_Lily

    Credit to Blue_Rakuen from LJ. <3~ you. ^^

    Read and review my AAML one-shot: "It Was Meant To Be"

    Lily's PokePet

    Skittles the level 32 Mime Jr.!

  6. #6
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    Exclamation

    ****************HUGS****************************
    You're fic was absolutely super, Lily...
    I just want to personally congratulate and THANK YOU! for your review! No one seems to care of my fic you know? And I'm like staying up till 3 in the mornign every night ust to finsih another chapter! I am so glad to finally be appreciated!
    YOUR FIC IS AWESOME!
    Ever ned a favor? I'm here!
    .../\/\...
    PS: good to know i'm one of your favorite authors!
    Pokeshipper
    (n.): Because we don't forget 5five
    seasons, 4four cameos, 3three supporters,
    2two gifts, and 1one departure worth of emotions.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jirachi_Lily View Post
    Thanks guys, you've all just made my day.
    And XxM!styxX, I promise to keep your advice in mind if I write any other stories. I just need inspiration first, because I thought up this story after listening to a song from Narnia. Weird, eh?

    Omg...
    I've just relized that XxM!styxX and Uzamaki Hinata are the authors of two of my favourite shipping fics. I <3 you. ^^

    And Krys, glad you loved it. It just boost my self-esteem to see people enjoy something that I've written.

    <3~Jirachi_Lily
    Your fic was lovely, it deserved all of those complements! ^_~
    Abd thanks! Its great to know you like my fic. Guessing here that its the "I'm PREGNANT??!!!" one. But hey, thanks
    And again, your shipping fic was AWESOME. Hope you write more in the future.
    ~*Uza-chan's Good bye*~

    IS SUPAH FIIIINE

  8. #8
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    -hugs back-
    Seriously, no problem. Your fic is fantastic.
    Do you want me to PM you if I write another fic? You'll be one of the first to know then. ^^

    And... friends?

    <3~Jirachi_Lily

    Credit to Blue_Rakuen from LJ. <3~ you. ^^

    Read and review my AAML one-shot: "It Was Meant To Be"

    Lily's PokePet

    Skittles the level 32 Mime Jr.!

  9. #9
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    That was...Kawaii! ^_^ Béautiful! <3~

    It was so cute how Satoshi and Kasumi got together, and the plot was decent. You described everyone nice, and the battle. I didn't spot any error mistakes, and it was really good for your first try. ^_^

    And I can't look forward to your next fic! <3~ Good luck on that! ^_^
    STRAWBERRIES : DD
    (they rock and don't deny it or I'll send the strawberry army after you)

  10. #10
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    Yes, of course PM me, wanna be fanfic buddies???

    .../\/\...
    Pokeshipper
    (n.): Because we don't forget 5five
    seasons, 4four cameos, 3three supporters,
    2two gifts, and 1one departure worth of emotions.

  11. #11

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    This was adorable!
    It was very well written, and had a ton of good descriptions in it.
    But I agree with XxM!styxX in which you should try making it longer.
    Twice the lenght=Twice your goodyness writing!!

    <3 JuLi

  12. #12
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    I've got one word for this. FAN-TAS-TIC.

    I've made something like this when I was 15 & 16 for school. I wasn't like this one (about love), but it also had a lot of immagination and it also had pokemon in it.

    This is a story that goes straight to the heart.(that's what I think)

    Keep up the good work.

  13. #13

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    Awwwwww, that was great-it had me blushing for the two XD. I thought the description was awesome (especially when Ash won and you referred to everything as "fire works") it was great^^.

    Yes it was a bit a short but hey the quality was good though so it made up for it but I wish it went on^__________^ Anyways to warp up this review you did an excellent job and it's hard to beileve that you're just a beggining writer!
    twins with: Uza-chan | paired with: Staryu
    pkmn trainer Light → 1 badge. 3 [oshawott, pansear, munna]. nacrene city ♥


  14. #14
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    -blushes- Thank-you so much, you guys. It makes me feel happy to see see others enjoy my fanfic. I'm trying to write another fic, but I've got writer's block at the moment and I'm not sure if I should make it a one-shot or a chapter fic.
    So..yeah. ^^;;

    Love you guys. =D

    <3~ Jirachi_Lily

    Credit to Blue_Rakuen from LJ. <3~ you. ^^

    Read and review my AAML one-shot: "It Was Meant To Be"

    Lily's PokePet

    Skittles the level 32 Mime Jr.!

  15. #15
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    For some reason, I read this fic about the time that it came out, yet I never got around to reviewing it. I guess I thought I already did. Bad Fez! Next time check before you asume things! *slaps own wrist*

    Anyway, this fic was quite enjoyable. I've always liked Pokeshipping stories based during one of Ash's championships, so that's a plus.

    Your story was very well written, with no mistakes that I saw, so that's another plus.

    The only problem I had was the length. It was just a bit too short for my taste, as has already been said.

    All in all, 4.57/5.

  16. #16
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    Thanks Fez. I promise that next time I write a one-shot, that'll be longer than this one. It's just that I couldn't think of a way to extend this fic, so it was stuck as a short one. ^^;;

    Thanks again.

    <3~ Jirachi_Lily

    Credit to Blue_Rakuen from LJ. <3~ you. ^^

    Read and review my AAML one-shot: "It Was Meant To Be"

    Lily's PokePet

    Skittles the level 32 Mime Jr.!

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