Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: ~*If you could only see*~ [AdvanceShipping, PG - Mild Language]

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    22

    Default ~*If you could only see*~ [AdvanceShipping, PG - Mild Language]

    This is my first ever Advanceshipping Fic. So enjoy! And please comment. If any.

    ************************************************** *******
    If you could only see
    The way she loves me
    Maybe you would understand


    Fear. Fear is what she usually felt. No, not from Pokemon battles. Not from Coordinating competitions. But from the strength of her feelings. Her love for the one person who was meant to be with someone else. Did he even have a clue? Was he even close to realizing the truth? But then again, Ash Ketchum wasn’t always the brightest crayon in the box when it came to the girls department. He would soon be turning 15, and yet he was still as dumb as a nail when dealing with love. If he even knew what it was.

    Sure, he loves his Pokemon. He loves battling, he loves his friends and family. But has he ever felt that kind of love? The kind that you only share with one person? The kind of love that May has been feeling for him the past 6 months? As she trudged along behind the others, May felt her face grow warm and her throat tighten as tears shined in her once happy indigo eyes.


    Why I feel this way
    About our love
    And what I must do


    ‘Stop it May,’ she scolded herself inwardly. ‘Do you really want the others to see you like this and pester for an explanation?’ “…..No…” she whispered to herself. She roughly scrubbed away her tears with the back of her hand. ‘Keep your chin up. Even if you have to force yourself to put on a cheesy happy-go-lucky façade, don’t let them see you cry.’ On command, May straightened herself and continued to walk on, even if she felt like crumbling to the floor and never getting back up.

    “Hey, May! You alright back there?” May looked up to see the raven haired boy who had stolen her heart, standing proudly on a small hill that meant they reached the entrance to Ever Grande City. The gold, orange, and pink sunset light shone brilliantly behind his slightly muscled, teenage build. The colors of the sky danced on his lightly tanned skin, his lop-sided grin displayed on his handsome face. “Pika pi?“ Pikachu tilted her head at May’s trance like gaze towards Ash. “Pika, pikachu…” May hadn’t realized she was just staring at him, then heard the annoying voice of her little brother. “Um, Earth to May!”, Max shouted, clearly amused. May snapped out of it, and glared daggers into Max. He sweat-dropped and hid behind the eldest of the group, Brock.

    “Looks like we reached Ever Grande City,” Brock stated. “Finally!” May said, forcing on the best smile she could. “Well, lets get going!” Ash called back. “Um… I’m a little tired… do you think we could take a break?” May said quietly. “But we’re right at the entrance!” Max boomed. “I guess you’re right… I can wait until we get to the Pokemon Center. It beats sleeping out here anyways.” May replied. Ash blinked, and stared directly at May with his auburn eyes, as if the other two weren’t there. May’s face heated up, her heart pounding so hard she thought it would burst through her chest. ‘Why is he looking at me like that?’


    If you could only see
    How blue her eyes can be when she says
    When she says she loves me


    The dorky smile appeared again. “If you want to rest now, May, that’s fine. We’ll take a break for about an hour, reach Ever Grande, then look for the local Pokemon Center to stay overnight.” May wanted to fall over at first, but then found herself speechless. ‘Usually Ash is desperate to keep moving along…’ Brock had ‘a look’ on his face while Max’s eyes were as wide as saucers. ‘They’re just as stunned as me!’ May thought. Max opened his mouth to say something, but Brock held up his hand, and Max didn’t say a word.

    It only took a while to find an open area, and we didn’t exactly set up camp, but Brock decided to cook dinner… unless they wanted to arrive hungry in Ever Grande. As Brock was preparing the meal, May felt the need to be away from them. No one was talking, and yet her head pulsed as if she was hearing loud music, just by being near Ash. She couldn’t stand it. “Hey, I’m gonna go for a walk, okay?” May said as she stood up. Max eyed her suspiciously, slowly beginning to catch on to what had been bothering May for some time now. “Do you want anyone in particular to go with you?” May’s face flamed a shade of scarlet. “Oh, no. I-I just want to be alone for a while.” she answered quickly. Without another word, she set off.


    Well you got your reasons
    And you got your lies
    And you got your manipulations
    They cut me down to size


    As May pushed away branches and slid through the small-spaced trees, her mind wandered. She knew the mind was the one thing that could cause the most self-inflicted damage to her emotions, but at this point, she didn’t care. ‘Dream on, May. He doesn’t and would never be able to love you. Ash is reserved for somebody else…’ “Misty Waterflower,” she mumbled, “the Cerulean City Gym Leader.” She had met Misty once, about 9 months ago when she was in her mid-journey with Ash… and right away she could see the connection. The bond. May didn’t think much of it at first. In fact, it hadn’t bothered her at all. She had actually really liked Misty. But it wasn’t until she realized the intensity of her feelings for Ash that she began to feel panicked.

    She was no match for Misty whatsoever. It was like comparing a yellow daisy to a red rose. Misty wasn’t the most perfect girl in the world, but she was a hell of a better young woman than May could hold a candle to. May reached a stray waterhole, with just one of the many beautiful waterfalls that made Ever Grande not only the Hoenn League location, but a popular vacationing island. May just stared for awhile at the beauty and blissful serene of the waterfall… then unleashed all the frustration and sadness that had been eating her up for half a year in this secluded serenity.


    Sayin’ you know,
    But you don’t
    You give your love,
    But you won’t


    She screamed. She threw rocks that were a full size bigger than herself. She pulled and tugged at her hair. She stomped. She kicked her shoes off and tossed them ever which way. She tore off her gloves and hammered them to the ground, along with her bandanna. She cried. ‘That’s right… let it all out. They can’t hear your pleas, so it’s okay. Just as long as they don’t hear you.’ She wasn’t doing this out of self pity. She wasn’t doing this because she couldn’t have the one person she longed for the most. She was doing this because there was nothing else she could do to unleash the anguish she had held in for as long as she could remember. This was the first time she had felt this way for someone, and she could do nothing about it. Nothing.


    When May finished letting out her anger, the sadness had stayed and felt even heavier than before. She was a mess, inside and out. Her tears that refused to hold back didn’t make her state any better. ‘How did I get like this… this wreck?’ She thought bitterly. ‘How did I end up falling in love with a boy I’ve only known for a little over a year, and who’s soul mates with someone else? At least… that’s what I’m told. When Ash isn’t around, Brock almost always talks about their past adventures, his, Ash, and Misty’s.’ She grimaced. ‘That’s only because Max asks about it all the time. Yet… Brock talks mostly about Ash and Misty. How they denied their feelings for each other, but were clearly affectionate together. After a while… I had to make up an excuse to leave the room when he brought it up… because I didn’t want to hear it.’ May sighed, a fresh batch of tears springing to her eyes. ‘Let it go, May. Just let it go… fight it! Don’t suffer like this anymore…’


    If you could only see
    They way she loves me
    Maybe you would understand


    “I-I can’t!” May began to sob quietly and rested her head on her folded knees. ‘I hate you, Ash. I hate you. I hate you so much…’ May stopped sobbing for a minute, realizing what she had just thought. ‘Great. Now you’re acting like a 6 year old. For the love of… ugh, get over yourself May!’ She wearily stood up, the life nearly sucked out of her from her sudden outburst of crying. She had to lean against a tree to keep her balanced. May turned her eyes up, roaming the calm waters. She had an idea. It was ridiculous, but she felt she could be more relaxed if she went along with it.


    Why I feel this way
    About our love
    And what I must do


    Back at Camp**********

    The boys had already eaten, waiting in silence for their missing companion to return. “May’s been gone for nearly 45 minutes, and she said she’d been be gone for a little while. 45 minutes isn’t a little while.” Max said. “Hm. We should go look for her.” Ash replied. “I’m sure she’s fine. I bet she’s just enjoying the scenery, so she’ll be back any minute.” Brock said carefully, almost not believing his own words. “After all, she took her one of her Pokemon with her, right?” The group looked towards May’s bag. Her Pokeball belt was still there. All her Pokemon were still there as well.

    “Ahhhh!!!” Max shrieked. “Pikachu! Pi-Pika!” Pikachu joined in. “May’s been eaten!” Ash quickly stood up. “We don’t know that for sure, Max, so calm down!” Brock finished packing the leftovers. “Let’s split up. That way we cover more ground.” “Right,” Ash agreed. “Pikachu, go with Max.” “Pika!” Pikachu jumped off Ash’s shoulders’ and ran to Max’s side as they each took a different path. As Ash ran through the trees, he made sure to stay alert and listen for any possible sounds. “May… where are you?”

    Back to May**********


    If you could only see
    How blue her eyes can be when she says
    When she says she loves me


    May hesitated, but finally convinced herself to strip off her clothing. She unzipped her sport sweater, then so on, until a pile of clothes lay next to her. She shivered, the slight breeze brushing against her now bare skin. Her face flushed, she slowly stepped toward the edge of the warm sand, and waded her way into the chilled water. May squeezed her eyes shut, stopping until she was waist high in the water. She was still tense, her arms wrapped around herself, but she finally opened her eyes. “Okay… I’m okay… just get used to the feeling of the water, and swim around…” May told herself aloud. May looked up to the now starry night sky, and traces of a small smile appeared on her lips. “Beautiful…” she breathed.

    Ash was now 13 feet away from May’s secluded area, unaware of what would happen in the next few moments. As Ash squeezed through the tight spaces of the trees, not too far off, he heard the sound of rushing water. Knowing a source of water meant a clear area, he headed towards the sound. He was no more than 2 inches out of the bushes, until he came to a halt. There, standing waist high, naked in the water, was May.


    Seems the road less traveled
    Shows happiness unraveled
    And you gotta take a little dirt
    To keep what you love
    That’s what you gotta do


    “Oh… crap…” Ash rasped. He shut his eyes and turned his head away. ‘You freaking pervert, don’t just stand there! Haul *** until you’re about 20 feet away from her, and call out her name! Make it seem like you were never here!’ “O-Okay.” Ash began to back up slowly, his eyes still shut. ‘Criminy, she barely turned 14 two weeks ago! What were you thinking?’ In the midst of his guilty conversation with himself, he had to feel around to backtrack himself… and kept his eyes closed so he wouldn’t ogle May. He didn’t pay attention to the wet and slippery rock behind him, and stepped on it, sending him crashing to the floor with a loud grunt.

    May gasped and whirled around. “Who’s there?” she called out, half brave and half scared to death. She glanced at her pile of clothes. ‘Oh Lord… you didn’t bring not one of your Pokemon? You’re out in the wild, you idiot!’ May cursed under her breath. Then, without thinking of the consequences, she jumped out of the water and sprinted toward her clothes. She was about to slip on her undergarments when she heard a familiar voice. The voice that made her heart quicken. “Uuuhhhnn… oww… uh… May? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you…” Ash said groggily as he staggered up. “..Ash?” May replied to her…unexpected guest.


    Sayin’ you know,
    But you don’t
    You give your love,
    But you won’t


    May’s face was redder than an apple. “Uh, hey! T-turn around, I’m not dressed!” she stuttered. Ash whirled to the other direction to face the tree. Although she was trembling, May hastily dressed herself. “You can come out now…” she said. Ash shyly stepped out , now fully recovered, his head down so his hat shadowed his face. Even if he stood with his head held high, May knew she couldn’t have been able to look into his eyes. “We were all getting worried about you, so each of us split up to find you.” Ash stated. “Well… you found me.” May replied. “So, we should start heading back now.”

    Ash turned towards the path to start walking back to camp. May didn’t know what to think. She didn’t know what was running through her head right now. She didn’t know what caused the sudden action to pop into her head. She didn’t know if she’d regret what she was about to do, what she dared to believe in. But one way or another, it had to be said. She had to tell Ash how she truly felt for him. She inhaled, then exhaled. “Ash,” she said, almost choking on his name. “There’s something I need to… no. I want to tell you something.”


    You’re stretching out your arms to something
    That’s just not there
    Sayin’ you know where you stand
    Give your heart when you can


    Ash stopped in his tracks. He faced May. “Yeah, what is it? Is it bad?” She gazed into his auburn eyes. “Well… you can’t just assume it’s bad… you don’t know that… I mean, it’s not really bad, but…um…” May was stumbling over her words. Horribly. “May… are you okay? What’re you getting at?” Ash asked, confused at her strange behavior. “I-I… Well, I…” She couldn’t say. She was putting off their return to camp to tell him the truth, and she couldn’t say what her heart could scream. “May..?” Ash had a concerned look on his face. “What is it? We can’t take too long, the others will worry about us if we don’t…” “I love you!” May interrupted.


    If you could only see
    The way she loves me
    Then maybe you would understand


    Ash was silent, staring into her sparkling sapphire eyes, almost trying to see if he could find some kind of a hint that would let him know she was joking. But all he saw was honest virtue in those beautiful eyes, and it made him ache. “I love you,” May repeated. “I do, I really do!” “Ah- what… how did…” Now Ash stumbled on his words. “I can’t explain it correctly,” she began, “but I can tell you this: I know. I know that you are faithful to Misty, I mean, you guys are soul mates. And I’m not trying to ruin that, I’m not! But… not only are you the person I love with all my heart, you are also my friend. And since you’re my friend, I should be honest with you on things you have a right to know… like my feelings. You can dislike me after this, you can even refuse to talk to me. But I love you, and confessing this to you is not something I’ll regret!” she finished boldly. Ash was speechless.

    The following events happened so fast. Too fast for both of them. May’s arms shot out, closing the distance between her and Ash, and held on tight to the front of his sleeveless sweater. She brought his head down to hers in one quick motion, and claimed his lips to her own. Ash didn’t push her away, but he didn’t kiss back. He was dizzy. ‘So dizzy…’ Her lips felt like flower petals against his. This sensation made him want to kiss her back so badly... but he was paralyzed.


    Why I feel this way
    About our love
    And what I must do


    She stopped the kiss, and felt like she had been slapped across the face when he didn’t kiss back. “… A-Ash…” But May didn’t finish her sentence. Ash swept her torso into his arms and kissed her, leaving her mind senseless. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed back. She felt him begin to nibble her lower lip, and she gladly let him enter her mouth with his tongue. He pulled away from her lips, his arms still holding her lovely frame against his. They were breathless, and Ash said, “I.. love you. People always say Misty and should be together, but you know…” he lifted her chin up to face him. “I never really believed in soul mates. I believe two people meet and can fall in love… and that’s what happened with you.” Now May was speechless as tears welled up in her eyes. “Ash…” he put a finger to her lips. “It doesn’t matter what other people say. I know who I want to be with, I know who I’d be truly happy with, and I’m grateful she wants to be with me, too. Misty’s a dear friend, but she’s not you. I want to be with you, May.” May let out a cry and eagerly kissed him again.


    If you could only see
    How blue her eyes can be when she says
    When she says she loves me


    THE END!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    171

    Wink

    Quote Originally Posted by UnFlammable! View Post



    As May pushed away branches and slid through the small-spaced trees, her mind wandered. She knew the mind was the one thing that could cause the most self-inflicted damage to her emotions, but at this point, she didn’t care. ‘Dream on, May. He doesn’t and would never be able to love you. Ash is reserved for somebody else…’ “Misty Waterflower,” she mumbled, “the Cerulean City Gym Leader.” She had met Misty once, about 9 months ago when she was in her mid-journey with Ash… and right away she could see the connection. The bond. May didn’t think much of it at first. In fact, it hadn’t bothered her at all. She had actually really liked Misty. But it wasn’t until she realized the intensity of her feelings for Ash that she began to feel panicked.


    She was no match for Misty whatsoever. It was like comparing a yellow daisy to a red rose. Misty wasn’t the most perfect girl in the world, but she was a hell of a better young woman than May could hold a candle to. May reached a stray waterhole, with just one of the many beautiful waterfalls that made Ever Grande not only the Hoenn League location, but a popular vacationing island. May just stared for awhile at the beauty and blissful serene of the waterfall… then unleashed all the frustration and sadness that had been eating her up for half a year in this secluded serenity.


    I thought that this could be something that could happen in the anime. May putting herself in a lower level than the person she thinks as a friend. I thought she was loyal to her friends because she did say that she wasn't going to ruin their 'destiny'.





    [/QUOTE]

    She screamed. She threw rocks that were a full size bigger than herself. She pulled and tugged at her hair. She stomped. She kicked her shoes off and tossed them ever which way. She tore off her gloves and hammered them to the ground, along with her bandanna. She cried. ‘That’s right… let it all out. They can’t hear your pleas, so it’s okay. Just as long as they don’t hear you.’ She wasn’t doing this out of self pity. She wasn’t doing this because she couldn’t have the one person she longed for the most. She was doing this because there was nothing else she could do to unleash the anguish she had held in for as long as she could remember. This was the first time she had felt this way for someone, and she could do nothing about it. Nothing.

    “I-I can’t!” May began to sob quietly and rested her head on her folded knees. ‘I hate you, Ash. I hate you. I hate you so much…’ May stopped sobbing for a minute, realizing what she had just thought. ‘Great. Now you’re acting like a 6 year old. For the love of… ugh, get over yourself May!’ She wearily stood up, the life nearly sucked out of her from her sudden outburst of crying. She had to lean against a tree to keep her balanced. May turned her eyes up, roaming the calm waters. She had an idea. It was ridiculous, but she felt she could be more relaxed if she went along with it.[/QUOTE]



    Poor May, ;.;





    [/QUOTE]

    “Oh… crap…” Ash rasped. He shut his eyes and turned his head away. ‘You freaking pervert, don’t just stand there! Haul *** until you’re about 20 feet away from her, and call out her name! Make it seem like you were never here!’ “O-Okay.” Ash began to back up slowly, his eyes still shut. ‘Criminy, she barely turned 14 two weeks ago! What were you thinking?’ In the midst of his guilty conversation with himself, he had to feel around to backtrack himself… and kept his eyes closed so he wouldn’t ogle May. He didn’t pay attention to the wet and slippery rock behind him, and stepped on it, sending him crashing to the floor with a loud grunt.[/QUOTE]



    Ash you pervert! XD


    [/QUOTE]

    May gasped and whirled around. “Who’s there?” she called out, half brave and half scared to death. She glanced at her pile of clothes. ‘Oh Lord… you didn’t bring not one of your Pokemon? You’re out in the wild, you idiot!’ May cursed under her breath. Then, without thinking of the consequences, she jumped out of the water and sprinted toward her clothes. She was about to slip on her undergarments when she heard a familiar voice. The voice that made her heart quicken. “Uuuhhhnn… oww… uh… May? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you…” Ash said groggily as he staggered up. “..Ash?” May replied to her…unexpected guest.[/QUOTE]



    An, unexpected guest indeed! Ash you better have a better excuse for your intrusion!XD



    [/QUOTE]

    Ash stopped in his tracks. He faced May. “Yeah, what is it? Is it bad?” She gazed into his auburn eyes. “Well… you can’t just assume it’s bad… you don’t know that… I mean, it’s not really bad, but…um…” May was stumbling over her words. Horribly. “May… are you okay? What’re you getting at?” Ash asked, confused at her strange behavior. “I-I… Well, I…” She couldn’t say. She was putting off their return to camp to tell him the truth, and she couldn’t say what her heart could scream. “May..?” Ash had a concerned look on his face. “What is it? We can’t take too long, the others will worry about us if we don’t…” “I love you!” May interrupted.



    Ash was silent, staring into her sparkling sapphire eyes, almost trying to see if he could find some kind of a hint that would let him know she was joking. But all he saw was honest virtue in those beautiful eyes, and it made him ache. “I love you,” May repeated. “I do, I really do!” “Ah- what… how did…” Now Ash stumbled on his words. “I can’t explain it correctly,” she began, “but I can tell you this: I know. I know that you are faithful to Misty, I mean, you guys are soul mates. And I’m not trying to ruin that, I’m not! But… not only are you the person I love with all my heart, you are also my friend. And since you’re my friend, I should be honest with you on things you have a right to know… like my feelings. You can dislike me after this, you can even refuse to talk to me. But I love you, and confessing this to you is not something I’ll regret!” she finished boldly. Ash was speechless.

    The following events happened so fast. Too fast for both of them. May’s arms shot out, closing the distance between her and Ash, and held on tight to the front of his sleeveless sweater. She brought his head down to hers in one quick motion, and claimed his lips to her own. Ash didn’t push her away, but he didn’t kiss back. He was dizzy. ‘So dizzy…’ Her lips felt like flower petals against his. This sensation made him want to kiss her back so badly... but he was paralyzed.


    She stopped the kiss, and felt like she had been slapped across the face when he didn’t kiss back. “… A-Ash…” But May didn’t finish her sentence. Ash swept her torso into his arms and kissed her, leaving her mind senseless. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed back. She felt him begin to nibble her lower lip, and she gladly let him enter her mouth with his tongue. He pulled away from her lips, his arms still holding her lovely frame against his. They were breathless, and Ash said, “I.. love you. People always say Misty and I should be together, but you know…” he lifted her chin up to face him. “I never really believed in soul mates. I believe two people meet and can fall in love… and that’s what happened with you.” Now May was speechless as tears welled up in her eyes. “Ash…” he put a finger to her lips. “It doesn’t matter what other people say. I know who I want to be with, I know who I’d be truly happy with, and I’m grateful she wants to be with me, too. Misty’s a dear friend, but she’s not you. I want to be with you, May.” May let out a cry and eagerly kissed him again.[/QUOTE]




    Aw...so it did came out well for May in the end. I feel so happy for her!



    Ok, my mini-critic[spelled wrong?] Anyways,

    *Good description! > One or two sentences had some word(s) missing.
    *Great pace for the story> It wasn't rushed nor slowed too much. Great job with this one
    *Introduction > It was a good start...it would be great if you had introduce the characters first, though. But, still a good job! ^^
    *Middle > Great job!
    *Ending > Thought it was just heart-warming, with some cute way to end a good story [A kiss between this two characters]

    Characters > Thought they were in character throught the story. Awesome job!

    Advice/ Extra thoughts > I think you should continue writing fics, you seem to have a talent for writing stories so far. Hope to see your future fics soon!

    ~*Jemi Rose*~

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Graduating Class of 2009!
    Posts
    902

    Default

    That was a pretty cute fic for Ash and May.(yay, more Ashmay fics!) The beggining was so cute and the fic was... well it was different from what I normally read.
    The little lyrics(if they were lyrics) should be italicized(but you don't have to) oh, and of course, SEPERATE THE DIOLOGUE, it's very hard to read if you don't.
    THe spacing was good.
    I felt so sorry for May though and Ash saw her naked? XD
    The end seemed a little ooc to me, on Ash's side, but ending them kissing was good.
    Ahhh, enough of my rambling. If this was your first time, then good job, it's really good for a begginer, me on the other hand, my first AS fic sucked.
    So, yeah, good, hope to see more from you.
    ~*Uza-chan's Good bye*~

    IS SUPAH FIIIINE

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Under the Indigo Plateau
    Posts
    5,964

    Default

    Wow, an Advanceshipping fic I actually liked. o___o;;;;;; Scary, that.

    But it was rather well-written. You captured the emotion well.

    Ash was silent, staring into her sparkling sapphire eyes, almost trying to see if he could find some kind of a hint that would let him know she was joking. But all he saw was honest virtue in those beautiful eyes, and it made him ache. “I love you,” May repeated. “I do, I really do!” “Ah- what… how did…” Now Ash stumbled on his words. “I can’t explain it correctly,” she began, “but I can tell you this: I know. I know that you are faithful to Misty, I mean, you guys are soul mates. And I’m not trying to ruin that, I’m not! But… not only are you the person I love with all my heart, you are also my friend. And since you’re my friend, I should be honest with you on things you have a right to know… like my feelings. You can dislike me after this, you can even refuse to talk to me. But I love you, and confessing this to you is not something I’ll regret!” she finished boldly. Ash was speechless.
    I really like the way that was written. Made me think of Les Miserables's Eponine. Though as Uzamaki Hinata said, separate your dialogue. It's easier to read that way. :3



    Purrrrrrr.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    22

    Default

    Thanks for all the comment guys.

    Yeah I ought to separate the dialogue better. I had better comments than I thought xD. Anyway since my first fic worked out ok. I might ought to work on some more fics.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •