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Thread: Misty's day with Ash alone. (Pokeshipping) PG-14

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Salt Lake City, Utah
    Posts
    9

    Post Misty's day with Ash alone. (Pokeshipping) PG-14

    i'm try my best i hope this will be good this time okay, so i hope you enjoy this fic.
    Chapter 1.
    At Pallet town it was morning Deila is up cooking some breakfast for our heros,
    but wait where is Ash and now he is asleep and is having a Dream about something. looking into the Dream as we see Ash standing there doing nothing
    and waiting for what.
    some dark figuter appears out of nowhere a girl and ash doesn't know who it is.

    A voice Call his name: Ash! Asssssssshhhhhhhhh! AAAAAssssssssssshhhhhhh!
    Ash: who's that yelling my name you'll wake up Wesley(his older who is marry) he'll be mad and who is it Misty or May or even My mom or what who
    is It?

    Deila(Ash's & Wesley's Mom)with a angery look on her face) AAAAAsssssshhhh! get up it's 9:25 so honey please because i have to go somewhere for awhile.

    Ash was aweaked up by his mother & Wesley was as well.
    Wesley: Every signle morning i have to hear this!, so mom where are you going today?

    Ash: yeah mom.

    Deila: well Wesley you have to come with and this place is between here And hound town.

    Ashhe laughs off) Hound town, hehehaahahahha!
    Wesley: unnn, what is hound town.

    Ash keep on laughing about it.

    Deila:hound town- she was about what hound town was she look at ash and say.

    Deila: Ash don't you think this will funing but hound town is about All audits do is well audit stuff okay.

    Ash: Hey mom what time do you and Wesley leave?

    Deila: 1:35 why Ash.

    Ash: just wondering mom.
    Deila: well okay why what's wrong honey.

    Ash: well I jsut need to talk to you it important it's a starge dream i had while i ketp sleeping i saw.
    ash stop right when he that what he saw in his dream to tell his mom, so he
    said to his mother.

    Ash: i saw Misty she was in my dream and she was telling me something okay.

    Deila: Ash did she hmmmmmmmmmm?
    Ash: no just kidding never but lucky it was a dream mom so there no point of argue about it so okay that was clear up.

    Wesley: hmmmm, Ash & Misty sitting in a tree kissing.
    he was teasing Ash about that but he got ****** off all about it so he hit him
    in the face hard, but that didn't work on him so got hit back he said.

    Wesley: thats what you get for to picking a fight with me, Ash so there you boy don't fight like that dude so let's eat breakfast so we could go, hey mom what did you cook this time i hope it's good this time.

    Deila: umm, well some eggs, waffeles, pancakes, bacon, and more.
    Wesley: okay come on Ash let's go eat, last has to work out for a 2 year
    thing okay.

    Ash: okay you're on Wes.
    Wesley & Ash: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 go!
    they race down the stairs until Ash & Wesley stops and sees Misty and she
    said.

    Misty: hi Ash what are you and Wesley doing race to get breakfast hmmmmm.

    Ash: yeah why, oh by the way you look beautiful today Misty will you do Training with me please after breakfast.

    Misty: why thank you Ash you're always sweet to me and i will do Training with you okay. once after Breakfast was over Ash and Misty start to do Training.

    Ash: actally misty where go to work out so i'll be you're sopter Misty okay.
    Misty: okay are you sure about this Ash i think is be a good work out between me and you Ash.

    Ash & misty started to lift Wieghts and doing reps.
    they have been working out for until it was 1:25 so they Training Ash was looking at Misty with a look while she is still sweating with sorts yellow sorts and red t-shrit on her so Ash ask misty something.

    Ash: hi, Misty my mom And Wesley are leaveing in ten minutes so what do you want to do hmmm?
    Misty: i don't know either Ash you what let's take a nap together please.
    Ash: where at?
    Misty: in you're room okay Ash so.
    Ash: Okay after My mom And Wesley Leaves alright then Misty.
    Misty: Okay i just wanta tell you that okay.
    Ash: Why?
    Misty: Because Ash It's none of you,re bussiness it's very very sceret well okay alright.

    Ash: Well Alright keep you're scerets then Misty at fine!
    Mistyshe laughs at him) oh Ash you're so cute all the time hahahaha. she blished. so did Ash as well from hearing that because Ash has a feeling about
    Misty thinking of him so Ash walk up to and got close to the face and Ash's mom And Wesley walk out the Door Ash back up from Misty and didn't realise Ash doing to her.

    Deila: okay Ash & Misty me and wesley are going right now so be good you two okay be back Tomrrow bye here a Kiss.
    Wesley: like mom says be good you guys alright.
    Ash& misty: okay we will.


    To be conuited................

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    171

    Default

    Hey, nice chapter, but...XD! You have posted the same thread three times already! I think you need to delete the other two, before it's too late for you.


    Later

    ~*jemi Rose*~

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    New York City
    Posts
    969

    Post Um....

    This is a very nice start but well first of all, you posted this 3 times and well :/...
    Okay, you had a few problems with your fic.

    You are really having problems with commas and punctutation marks.
    For example:

    posted by Train836
    but wait where is Ash and now he is asleep and is having a Dream about something. looking into the Dream as we see Ash standing there doing nothing
    What is sort of should have looked like, in my opinion, would be...

    posted by XxM!styxX
    But wait, where is Ash? Oh, he is asleep and is having a strange dream! As we look into the dream, we see Ash standing there, doing nothing.
    See? That makes a bit more sense.
    And the way you leave out crucial words like:

    Posted by Train836
    Ash: who's that yelling my name you'll wake up Wesley(his older who is marry) he'll be mad and who is it Misty or May or even My mom or what who
    is It?
    Where you put "his old who is marry", what you would have to put is
    "his older brother who is married."

    I can tell you just got started, but these are just a few suggestions.
    Another thing:

    Whenever you have a sentence when someone is speaking, don't put:

    Ash: BlablabLa
    Misty: blaBlabla
    goes to blablAbla

    Rather you should put:

    "Blablabla." Ash said.
    Misty agreed, "Blablabla!"
    Then they both went off to Blablabla.

    If you want me to explain in further detail let me know!

    What I did like:

    Posted by Train836
    Misty thinking of him so Ash walk up to and got close to the face and Ash's mom And Wesley walk out the Door Ash back up from Misty and didn't realise Ash doing to her.

    Deila: okay Ash & Misty me and wesley are going right now so be good you two okay be back Tomrrow bye here a Kiss.
    Wesley: like mom says be good you guys alright.
    Ash& misty: okay we will.
    PSSHHH! Yeah right, "okay we will." It's funny how you make them sound so innocent and then naughty to each other lol.
    Good job as your first time, just make sure to proofread before you decide to submit it
    PM me if you need anything!

    besos,
    .../\/\...

    PS: If you want a few examples on what I meant:

    MAKE SURE TO READ MY FIC HERO. IT'S POKESHIPPING SO IF YOU WANT YOU CAN GET A FEW TIPS FROM READING IT! IT MAKE HELP YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I WAS TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO YOU.
    CLICK HERE TO READ MY FIC.
    Last edited by XxM!styxX; 27th August 2006 at 8:52 PM.
    Pokeshipper
    (n.): Because we don't forget 5five
    seasons, 4four cameos, 3three supporters,
    2two gifts, and 1one departure worth of emotions.

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