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Thread: A Shinou adventure (pearlshipping PG-13)

  1. #1
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    Nov 2005
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    Default A Shinou adventure (pearlshipping PG-13)

    Hope you enjoy this fic.


    Prologue: Prelude to Shinou.

    Satoshi, a young and skilled Pokemon trainer, was saying goodbye to his friends Takeshi, Haruka and her annoying little brother Masato as the four friends parted ways.

    "Well guess this it guys," said Satoshi.

    "Yeah," replied Takeshi.

    There were smiles all around but these were smiles masking sorrow as they didn't know when they were going to see each other again.

    As he headed down the trail back to his home of Pallet Town Satoshi thought about all he had been through with all his friends and his pokemon.The more he thought about it the more he realised that no ,atter what he wasn't going to forget any of them ever.

    A little later he was almost home and for the last leg he raced his best poke pal Pikachu to the front door of his house. Upon opening and entering the house Satoshi found that it was completely deserted so he and Pikachu headed for Professor Okido's lab. It to appeared deserted until went to where all the pokeballs were kept then he got a surprise as Kenji, Professor Okido and Satoshi's jumped out of there hiding places and shouted "Surprise"

    After having alot of fun and doing some catch up Satoshi got some clothes from his mom, a new pokedex from Prof. Okido and selecting Waninoko and Pikachu to take with for his journey Shinou, Satoshi set of but as usual he was beening watched by the bumbling trio of Musashi, Kojiro and Nyarth who wanted to steal Pikachu but always failed.

    They then set a trap which in this case was a a large camouflaged hole in the ground (something that they have done many times before) and Satoshi fell right in but thanks to the Team Rocket motto taking as long as it did Satoshi was able to get out along with his pokemon and combine bubblebeam with thunderwave to send the idiots blasting off into the distance.

    After nightout camping in the wilderness Satoshi got up just before dawn made sure he still had everything with him and ran as fast as he could to Vermillion City to catch the ferry to the Shinou region.

    Looking at his to pokepals Pikachu and Waninoko he said "Well guys by tommorrow morning we'll be in the Shinou region."

    Pikachu and Waninoko cheered and Waninoko began dancing like mad.

    to be continued so guys tell me what you think and please don't hesitate to give suggestions.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    171

    Default

    Hey, not bad. I did find it to be a bit rushed, you jumped from one setting to the next that fast. It would be great if you added more detailed into this chapter, even though it's a prologue. Some puncuation fixing as well, either added or

    Though, it seems to be a promising story from the prologue, I suggest to watch, while you're writing, to make sure that you aren't jumping from part to the next right away, check your puntuaction, and make sure to add some detail in places needed. Well, I hope that you write more soon.
    (*/Jemi*/*Rose*/*)

  3. #3
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    Default

    I'm ready with the next chapter so enjoy.


    Chapter 2: Hikari's journey begins.

    It was a bright and sunny morning in Futaba Town and at one particular house a young girl named Hikari was waking up in a very happy mood for you see today was the day she began her journey. As she got dressed she thought about which of the three starters should she get.

    It could be Hikozaru, the fire starter, or Pochama, the water starter, or finally Naetle who was a grass type and Hikari just couldn't decide. Even her mother Ayako couldn't help her as she wanted Hikari to make the decision on her own.

    After having her breakfast and and sorting out what she was taking in terms of clothes and food. Hikari recieved a parting gift from her mother which was an old contest ribbon that Ayako one when she was a pokemon co-ordinator then Hikari was on her bike and on her way to Masago town so she can get her starter.

    Unfortunately Hikari has a very hard time getting there as she is confused by the map that is meant to help get her there. After three hours Hikari is about to give up and go home when she bumps into Professor Nanakamodo who she is get her starter from and follwed him to his lab.

    Hikari had a deep thought about which of the starters to choose and in the end she chose Pochama, then got given her pokedex and five pokeballs plus Pochama's pokeball and left to head to her first pokemon contest.

    ~This is so exciting~ she thought happily.

    At the same time she was leaving with her starter a young man arrived in Shinou and his name was Satoshi.

    to be continued...

    Next time: Hikari and Satoshi meet plus Satoshi will make his first capture but i'm not saying what it is.

  4. #4
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    That's a chapter? Doesn't look like a page. Ignoring that, it's okay. Could be better.
    Mint, your cuteness has earned you my bishie!

    This is FastBlade, the Scepario, made by me.. PM me to battle her! Or send her Candy for 5 levels! Level: 75 Moves: Wave Guiding Bomb, In-Fight, Leaf Blade, Leafy Punch

    Credit to Mega Trickster!

    ~*My awesome, 1 of a kind pair is Sakura Kinomoto!~*

  5. #5
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    The next chapter will be a little while if you have some suggestions on hw i can make future chapters longer let me know also what would you like for Hikari to have as her first capture?

  6. #6
    Join Date
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    Mukkurru. Or Bippa. Chapters should be atleast 2 pages, in my opinion.
    Mint, your cuteness has earned you my bishie!

    This is FastBlade, the Scepario, made by me.. PM me to battle her! Or send her Candy for 5 levels! Level: 75 Moves: Wave Guiding Bomb, In-Fight, Leaf Blade, Leafy Punch

    Credit to Mega Trickster!

    ~*My awesome, 1 of a kind pair is Sakura Kinomoto!~*

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