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Thread: All Hail the Heartbreaker ((Contestshipping; Rated G))

  1. #1
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    Default All Hail the Heartbreaker ((Contestshipping; Rated G))

    :O I am posting here! In fact, a new thread! >_>;; Okay.. well, this is my first CS fic, let alone songfic.. so try to be umm, less harsh on me. ;x OR I WILL BITE YOUR HEAD OFF.

    ...Anyway, if I got the rating wrong or something, can a moderator please edit the title for me so it is appropriate?
    Now, onto the songfic. ^^


    *******

    Author: Midnight Eefi.

    Disclaimer: First off, my disclaimer. x) Pokémon does not belong to me because it is copyrighted by Nintendo and Satoshi Tajiri. Also, this is based off Contestshipping so don't bite me if you read it and isn't a fan of Contestshipping. Additionally, this is a gift for the Contestshipping sisters of the club. Who are they? They are Chelc, Sweet May, Rose, and Mimori Kiryu in no particular order. And gift for no particular holiday, but more as a friendship.

    Author's Note: Note that this is my first fanfiction on CS, and I'm not much of a shipper myself. Yes, I do have all those SPPf shippings but I am not a shipper. Anyway, here's the fic. My first try so don't dare flame me or even try.

    **

    I had the notion that you'd make me change my ways
    My bad habits would be gone in a matter of days
    I had the feeling that you'd open up my eyes
    To a whole new world that had since been in disguise


    Standing on the edge of the cliff, a young green-haired coordinator stared into the scenery. With pale complexion, his matching green eyes were now quite blank of much emotion as he slowly sat down onto the cliff. Myriad thoughts floated in and out of his mind, including those of memories of Haruka and Wakana.

    What was this feeling in my heart... Shuu pondered as he stared off into space. The butterflies I've felt in my stomach whenever Haruka appears. I tried to fight it, but sometimes I can't help but think it slips through.

    Deep green eyes stared into the horizon, the wind breezing past his bangs and green-colored hair as the young coordinator stood motionless. Reminiscing back to the Grand Festival, Shuu often questioned himself if he knew what he was doing or not. Though it would be confound to some as he was ever so composed in many situations, he much disliked how Harley could get, and how he sometimes used Haruka for his own means.

    But the truth is that I've never fallen so hard
    It's taking everything in me
    Just to forget your sweater so far


    However, Haruka seemed baffled by his moves, decisions and subtle ways. A few close people told him to forget about her, that she could see nothing more between them but rivalry in the coordinators line. But for Shuu, it was more than just rivalry or friendship between them. It had been special moments whenever he could be with Haruka, to either help her with coordinating or just teasing her.

    I had the notion that you'd make me forget the world
    My bad habits would be gone in a matter of days


    A stronger breeze brushed past Shuu, whistling through and picking up leaves from afar to his direction. Shuu turned around to return when he heard footsteps nearby. Unaware of what he was doing, Shuu stepped forward to where the footsteps were.

    It was Haruka, standing there with her Eevee at her side. She stared straight at Shuu, looking genuinely surprised to see him near the cliff when her Eevee ran forward to Shuu, causing Haruka to glance downward to the brown fox Pokémon.

    I had the feeling that those looks you gave me were real

    "Eevee! Don't run off like that!" Haruka shouted to Eevee. "Especially not to him."

    "Veee! Eee!" Eevee cried happily as she ran. When Eevee stopped, she was already purring and snuggling by Shuu's side, which had automated a smile from his composed face.

    Blushing, Haruka approached Shuu slowly with her eyes down to Eevee. "Eevee.. let's not bother Shuu," Haruka said softly, almost inaudible.

    "Looks like your own Pokémon likes me, huh?" Shuu laughed heartily.

    Face boiled red, Haruka stared at Shuu for a moment in silence before kneeling down to Eevee and taking it in her arms. "Well, probably the only one to do so!"

    "Heh," Shuu kept smiling, his hands stuffed in his pockets already.

    "Well, let's go train now, Eevee," Haruka said, turning around to face her back to Shuu for a while before moving ahead.

    I can honestly say
    That I never, ever, ever felt this way
    Your lips, your eyelashes, your skin
    These are the parts of your body
    That cause my comatose to begin


    Shuu wanted to stop Haruka but before he knew it, Haruka and Eevee were already too far for him to reach. Taking into a run, Shuu grabbed onto Haruka's arm, startling the brown-haired coordinator and her Eevee.

    Unable to face her, Shuu shoved a rose in her face and muttered, "Take it."

    Startled, Haruka took the rose and held it for a while in silence. "Umm.. what is this for? Eevee now?"

    "It's for whatever you say it is," Shuu said, trying to sound nonchalant though the shakiness came out as well.

    Haruka glanced at Shuu worriedly, about to reach out for him when he turned away. Hand outstretched, Haruka didn't know what she did or why Shuu was up here on the cliff. But knowing Shuu, he was probably training Flygon or Masquerain again or something. Yet his behavior this time was quite different than normal...

    So don't go worrying about me
    It's not like I think about you constantly
    So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect
    Your life anymore


    "Weren't you going to train with Eevee, Haruka?" Shuu sneered, trying to get her away for some weird reason.

    "Well..." Haruka hesitated before continuing.

    "Veee.." Eevee said, somehow understanding the situation.

    "Then go. I don't see a reason for you to stay," Shuu said, getting out a Pokéball, presumably Flygon's.

    "Shuu..." Haruka spoke softly. "Why are you like this now? You are acting... different."

    "Am I? Not really," Shuu said, adding his gesture of brushing his bangs back. "Haruka, you better train harder for the next contest and just for your Pokémon. Remember to believe in them, and don't listen to anyone else, okay?"

    "I know, Shuu," Haruka smiled.

    Your lips, your eyelashes, your skin
    These are the parts of your body
    That cause my comatose to begin


    It was the smile that always caught Shuu offguard that forced him to smile back. Every time his coordinator rival smile, his heart had lifted by a ton. Every time she frowned or cried, Shuu felt his heart cry with her. For each person putting her down, Shuu felt the need to prove them out and show that Haruka is a good person deep down.

    I'll let you get the best of me
    Because there's nothing else that I do well
    I'll let you get the best of me
    Because there's nothing else that I do well
    I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker


    But this was not the time to be confessing feelings. He could not tell Haruka his feelings right out like this, because it was just not the right time. It would be better for her, with her travelling friends by her side and making her laugh. He could not do the same for her as they do.


    *********************************

    Oh darn, it looks a lot shorter in here. I hope it doesn't suck. But I tried!
    Reviews, criticism appreciated and flames NOT. <3~ Thank you, and sorry. ;~;
    Last edited by Angeling; 26th February 2006 at 1:54 AM.
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  2. #2
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    YAY THE SONG. Eefi I LOVE YOU. [/wtf]

    Aww, this was really cute. ;; Shuu is so emo. But that is the good thing, like me and Cyn said on MSN. XD You write very well, and the ending took me by surprise. I guess I'm just use to confession fics. o_o Oh well. I can make up my own ending. Yay and good job~ <3
    Currently a little busy. I'll respond to all messages when I can.

  3. #3
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    It's not bad, Midnight Eefi. Makes me like the song more. Does seem a bit short but that's okay.
    "Looks like your own Pokémon likes me, huh?" Shuu laughed heartily.
    That was both funny and sweet. A great job you did indeed. I found no mistakes but maybe it's the excitement pulling me off. ^^
    Kawaii ficcie. Great job. <33

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chelc
    YAY THE SONG. Eefi I LOVE YOU. [/wtf]

    Aww, this was really cute. ;; Shuu is so emo. But that is the good thing, like me and Cyn said on MSN. XD You write very well, and the ending took me by surprise. I guess I'm just use to confession fics. o_o Oh well. I can make up my own ending. Yay and good job~ <3
    Rofl, I love you too!111 [/wtfmomenttoo]

    Thank you.. I hope so. ;~; I know it probably will surprise many people. Err, or whoever reads it because.. they probably expected something happy? >_> Well, I also wanted to make it more like the song and something not so.. cliché.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sweet May
    It's not bad, Midnight Eefi. Makes me like the song more. Does seem a bit short but that's okay.

    That was both funny and sweet. A great job you did indeed. I found no mistakes but maybe it's the excitement pulling me off. ^^
    Kawaii ficcie. Great job. <33
    Thank you as well, even though you two are the only readers. But I did realize it did become a bit short, but perhaps it is just uh, a short songfic? ;x

    Thanks again, and I still have to work on that one-shot still. >_>;; *coughs and kicks self*

    Wooo~ dinner time. x_x;
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    Omg, I love the fic. It's absolutly awesome! =D

    Thank you so much, Midnight Eefi for writing this fic that belongs to us four. <3. And especially you.

    Arigatou!

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    Aww, cute fic! Detail was great, cute song! You seem like a professional

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    Rose: Thank you, and it was no problem. Though I do feel a bit rushed, but.. I suppose it had to be done already since I was procrastinating with it enough. >_> And I was writing it while playing Colosseum.

    Torchic23: Well, thank you though I would not call myself a professional just yet. ^^ Thank you in any case.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Midnight Eefi
    Torchic23: Well, thank you though I would not call myself a professional just yet. ^^ Thank you in any case.[/COLOR][/FONT]
    I was wondering, are you going to do more of these? I'm a huge supporter of Contest Shipping and I like to read any good fics and such that I can get my hands on, also, may I put this on my Contest Shipping site? I always give credit.

    I understand if you don't want to though!

  9. #9
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    Aaaw, this was absolutely adorable! Wonderful description, you did a great job capturing Shuu's emotion and keeping both of them in character. ^_^ The part with Eevee was also very cute, and I loved how Shuu wasn't able to come up with a good excuse for this rose, like he ususally does. Great fic, I really hope you write more in the future!

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    It was the smile that always caught Shuu offguard that forced him to smile back. Every time his coordinator rival smile, his heart had lifted by a ton. Every time she frowned or cried, Shuu felt his heart cry with her. For each person putting her down, Shuu felt the need to prove them out and show that Haruka is a good person deep down.
    So...touching...

    If this is a one-shot, I'll cry. If it's not yippee! Either way you should make your own decision depending on what you wish, not if your reader's gonna burst into tears if you don't continue.

    Awesome.
    My tumblr or something: x

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ee-chan
    It was the smile that always caught Shuu offguard that forced him to smile back. Every time his coordinator rival smile, his heart had lifted by a ton. Every time she frowned or cried, Shuu felt his heart cry with her. For each person putting her down, Shuu felt the need to prove them out and show that Haruka is a good person deep down.
    I loved this lines a lot....

    The fic is well written. It's vocabulary and stuff was so great that I even had to get a dictionary to understand a few words @__@;

    Anyways, I love it! I think the song fits it well too. Using Shuu's point of view, we really got a good sense of his feelings and stuff about Haruka...also using that point of view allows the reader to really understand how love truly feels....

    Anyways, maybe you should've used May and Drew instead of Shuu and Haruka since it kinda sounds all...confusing to other readers because the Pokemon's names are in English and stuff....but it's fine the way it is!

    Great Job! *5 bananas up!*

    P.S. At first I didn't know the song so I sang the song in tune with Disturbed's "Down with the Sickness" *__*;

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Torchic23
    I was wondering, are you going to do more of these? I'm a huge supporter of Contest Shipping and I like to read any good fics and such that I can get my hands on, also, may I put this on my Contest Shipping site? I always give credit.

    I understand if you don't want to though!
    No. You may not. x]

    Alopec: Thank you for your comments, and it is very much appreciated. I certainly hope I caught at least most of their personality, as the information was relayed from my friends as well.

    Ratiasu: Well, thing is.. this is also a songfic but I can try to continue you it without a song next time or something.

    Jienosaido: Whoops. Thank you for the review, and those lines were sweet, I know. I did it on purpose so well, just to make readers smile or somehting. ^^;; I used Shuu and Haruka because I liked those names more.. However, if desired by other reviewers, I will change them to the dub names in here. Since I understand English is used in the rest of the story and all. But they would also know the Japanese and English names. Also, my vocabulary wasn't as large as Eszett's!

    Maybe I will write more of CS or something soon. I am working on a one-shot of nightlightshipping (the Pokémon one), or err, procrastinating on it.
    Last edited by Angeling; 26th February 2006 at 7:02 PM.
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  13. #13
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    Oh that was good, so beautiful, I don't recognise the song but I like it a lot.

    You should right a lot more.
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    Aww, that was cute. I liked it!

    Who sings that song, by the way?

    ~*Kris*~

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    Quote Originally Posted by Midnight Eefi
    Thank you.. I hope so. ;~; I know it probably will surprise many people. Err, or whoever reads it because.. they probably expected something happy? >_> Well, I also wanted to make it more like the song and something not so.. cliché.
    It didn't surprise me. I expected something different--afterall, the title is, "All Hail the Heartbreaker".

    I must say, I LOVE your writing style, Midnight Eefi. I was actually into this fic (With mental images and all! o_o), at least until a cluster of asterisks appeared from nowhere. This story was emotional, and the vocabulary was well done.

    "When Eevee stopped, she was already purring and snuggling by Shuu's side", "'Looks like your own Pokémon likes me, huh?'" Shuu laughed heartily."

    Pulled a few quotes from the story. Those remind me of another familiar quote, "Pokemon feel as their trainers do" (Not exact quote, but meh..), meaning May must like Drew.

    This fic allowed readers to just, "sink in", with the mass of details and lucid clarity. You should write a sequel. ^_^

  16. #16
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    Eefi wrote a CS ficcy. ^_^ I'm so glad you did this! I've been waiting for you to do something like this and I'm SO HAPPY now. D: It's was so cute and really realistic. ^_~

    CS foreva. <3
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  17. #17
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    Can't believe I forgot about this. D= I'm trying to work on my nightlightshipping one-shot but I decided to check on this too. :P

    Quote Originally Posted by Sailor Bambii
    Aww, that was cute. I liked it!

    Who sings that song, by the way?

    ~*Kris*~
    Thank you, and it is sung by The Spill Canvas. The song was inspired by Chelc's post in the CS club really, and I got addicted to it, so then I decided to do a songfic as a gift to the CS club sisters. D:

    Quote Originally Posted by Brioche
    Thank you.. I hope so. ;~; I know it probably will surprise many people. Err, or whoever reads it because.. they probably expected something happy? >_> Well, I also wanted to make it more like the song and something not so.. cliché.

    It didn't surprise me. I expected something different--afterall, the title is, "All Hail the Heartbreaker".

    I must say, I LOVE your writing style, Midnight Eefi. I was actually into this fic (With mental images and all! o_o), at least until a cluster of asterisks appeared from nowhere. This story was emotional, and the vocabulary was well done.

    "When Eevee stopped, she was already purring and snuggling by Shuu's side", "'Looks like your own Pokémon likes me, huh?'" Shuu laughed heartily."

    Pulled a few quotes from the story. Those remind me of another familiar quote, "Pokemon feel as their trainers do" (Not exact quote, but meh..), meaning May must like Drew.

    This fic allowed readers to just, "sink in", with the mass of details and lucid clarity. You should write a sequel. ^_^
    Thank you! I'm glad you could imagine the details, and that it was clear yet descriptive in a good way. I try to write like that. But thank you, about the compliments on the emotional part and -- taking from Eszett <3 -- the lexicon. XDD Okay, I mean vocabulary. D=

    I may do a sequel, maybe. But most likely after my own one-shot after being on hiatus. But thank you!


    Quote Originally Posted by Mimori Kiryu
    Eefi wrote a CS ficcy. ^_^ I'm so glad you did this! I've been waiting for you to do something like this and I'm SO HAPPY now. D: It's was so cute and really realistic. ^_~

    CS foreva. <3
    Yay, I made you happy. ^-^ Thanks a lot. x33
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    awww so sweet
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    Moonlight the level 30 Shiny Umbreon!
    Thanks Wig for the trainer card! Thanks Ayra for the banner! You guys rock!!!

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