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Thread: The Not So Shippy Shipper

  1. #1
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    Default The Not So Shippy Shipper

    Alot :Ikarishipping Pokeshipping Rangershipping Contestshipping A little: Appealshipping Pearlshipping ~Hey~ This isn't going to be the shippiest of all ships because its keeping it real. Kay I'm going to start now and don't critizts me of my grammer and spelling cause I'm 13.~the not so shippy shipper P.S I'm using japanese names for Dawn and Paul cause What kind of character like Shinji do you give a name called Paul!!!??? Well heres my first fanfic EVER!!~

    ~~Chapter 1~~

    Ikarishipping

    Hikari looked at the stars knowing Ash and Brock are already asleep. I'm going to become a great co-ordinator like mom.... She searches the sky for the brightest star to make her wish come true. Before she has found it, Hikari fell asleep.

    "Wake up"
    Huh?
    "Oh its just you Ash" Hikari answered.

    "What do you mean just, well we gotta go NOW! Come on!"

    "What?" to Hikari Ash was in rush again. To her surprise Ash actually woke up earlier then her.

    "What Ash means is he heard Shinji was going to enter a Pokemon Tournament
    in a near by town." Brock easily answered knowing he didn't have to explain this to Hikari.

    "Well why couldn't you just say that HUH Ash?" Ash just looses himself in Compititions

    "Lets go all ready"Ash yelled not even trying to argue now for the registration time is almost over.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    May stepped out of the contest hall into the bright sunlight as she look at her shining ribbon.

    "Just three more hmm" not realize she was speaking rather than thinking.

    "Yoo hoo sweetie!" Called from an all too familiar voice.

    Oh no.." Hey Harley what do you want now the contest is over."

    "Why would say that?" trying to hide his hate for the young 12 year old girl who has beaten him over and over again "I just came to give you a congrats"

    "Thats great then well umm... I have to go." May said trying to avoid Harley. Harley one of her rivals has been playing horrible tricks to get her to lose. May wasn't going to be deceived again.

    Harley knew the contest was over and his plan wasn't working. Trying to make an escape now he needed just one more distractment. "Are you meeting Drew? (giggles)"

    "Wha! What are you talking about Harl..." He was gone.
    I haven't seen Drew for a while now. I feel kinda sad.(sigh) May blushes.What I'm I blushing for!She shakes the feeling off.

    Well I have to get to the next city.


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~


    "ALRIGHT ON TO THE SEMIFINALS! THE BATTLES ARE NOW ONE ON ONE THAT MEANS ONE CHANCE A KNOCKOUT ROUND. NOW THE PAIRS ARE AS FOLLOWED
    ASH VS KATIE
    SHINJI VS HIKARI"

    ...If Hikari wins I'll have to face her not Shinji but I don't want Hikari to lose either...ash thought.

    Almost instantly Hikari realized Shinji wasn't going to take interst in their battle. She Remembered the jerk he was.

    "Hey You..!!!"

    "START" before she can finish

    "Come out Monferno" A monkey with a flaming tail.

    It evolved now a fighting fire typed...Prinpulp should do

    "Lets go Prinpulp!" A blue pengiun.

    Suddenly prinpulp's face turns horribly red for it knew the Monferno back when it was a chimchar. The bond of both the trainer and pokemon loathing the opponent had an overwelming effect.

    "Prinpulp use bubblebeam!"

    "Too slow Monferno quick attack."

    "Prinpulp bide."

    That quick attack was unbelievably powerful as Prinpulp slams to the wall.
    Prinpulp glows "Now"yells Hikari.

    (Bide hits the opponent twice the power it the user taken)

    "Hurry while Monferno is down use Brine!"

    (Brine is a water type move that is doubled when the target has 50% or less hp in this case its doubled to 130 power 100 accurate)

    Shinji yells for Monferno to get up but it was too late.

    "And the winner is ...Hikari!!"

    Hikari jumps while hugging Prinpulp in sucess and Prinpulp grins to its revenge on the money who stole its food.
    Shinji glares at Hikari she's a force...

    ...............................................

    "ALRIGHT ARE YOU READY FOR THE FINALS!!! AND THE WINNERS OF THE SEMIFINALS ARE ASH AND HIKARI. THIS WILL BE A DOUBLE BATTLE! LETS GET STARTED!!!"

    Just as Hikari sends out Buneary and Pachirisu and Ash sends out Apom and Pikachu there was an exploxion on the ceil revealing the blue sky something there...

    Well I'm just going to write what the chapter is going to start or is which ship next chapter Pearlshipping! Hope you don't mind I do so many ships and write them in seprate chapters I might be able to finish another chapter to day~ and sorry I have a short attension span so my chapters aren't every long Sorry~
    Last edited by Chiru; 28th April 2007 at 12:32 AM. Reason: Grammer mistakes


    Read The Not So Shippy Shipper ~

  2. #2
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    Hmm, well this was interesting, I know you said not to critique your grammer because you are 13, but I am 14, so you really should know how to spell. On that note, there weren't too many problems.

    (by the way, I agree with you about naming Shinji Paul, ew.)

    Anyways, so yeah, the chapter itself was a little short. You said this was your first fic, so that was expected and can be fixed. Your transistions were a little weak too, it got confusing how it kept changing POV's without clearly saying who's it was changing too.

    Finally, I read what you wrote before the chapter and you listed the shippings. From the look's of it, it look's like you are trying to include Contestshipping? Which is a plus for me, since it is my favorite ship, but it isn't one of the one's you listed in the post. I can see how Pokeshipping, Pearlshipping, and Appealshipping will fit in, but you listed Pokeshipping twice, you probuly meant to put Contestshipping instead? It's okay I do stupid things like that too.

    All in all, it wasn't too bad for your first one. Props. =] But, you can take my somewhat helpful (I hope) advice and fix it up a little maybe for the next chapters? Also, be aware that a Mod might come in here because in the title of the post you are supposed to include the shippings, and rating of the fic I believe. Anyways, best of luck in your fic, and if you keep it up add me to your PM list please if you do one.

    =D
    [IMG]http://i26.*******.com/246057s.jpg[/IMG]
    kyo sohma is my bishie (:

    &*heres__ to the note |she| wrote
    well RAISE a finger
    obscene g e s t u r e s , so she said
    but i only said sweet things to get you in b e d;

    touch me, tease me - a day away
    drew club + couples claimed ___.

  3. #3
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    Hah, it's all right, I figured that was the case, you can always just edit your first post and fix it. (Contestshipping is my favorite ship too ;] canon in my eyes.) & just be careful not to double post or anything.
    [IMG]http://i26.*******.com/246057s.jpg[/IMG]
    kyo sohma is my bishie (:

    &*heres__ to the note |she| wrote
    well RAISE a finger
    obscene g e s t u r e s , so she said
    but i only said sweet things to get you in b e d;

    touch me, tease me - a day away
    drew club + couples claimed ___.

  4. #4
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    What do you want to do exactly? To edit your post you just go to the bottom right of your first post and where the edit button is, just click it and fix what you need to fix.

    I am not sure what you need photoshop for, if there is anything else you need, just PM so you don't spam.
    [IMG]http://i26.*******.com/246057s.jpg[/IMG]
    kyo sohma is my bishie (:

    &*heres__ to the note |she| wrote
    well RAISE a finger
    obscene g e s t u r e s , so she said
    but i only said sweet things to get you in b e d;

    touch me, tease me - a day away
    drew club + couples claimed ___.

  5. #5
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    PM = Private Message.
    EDIT - And didn't HelloKitty17 just say not to double-post?

  6. #6
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    Rewrite:

    C2~ Cool hey this is C2 or Chiru from serebiifourms (but serebii has been weird because I can’t get there…)
    Oh well this is going to be continuing The Not So Shippy Shipper. I hate OCs because they become the gods off the show but I will only add a few that are important and the others are just going to be fillers. Only a few chapters will be continuing each other and Contest shipping in Jhoto will be after I’m done with Shinou… Although the beginning isn’t very Shippy its going to be~

    May: Blah! This remake still isn’t as good as most fanfics even if this is still the continuing of your first one.

    C2~ Gee thanks after I rewrote this over and over (really I did about 3 days of rewrite of the rewrite of the etc.)

    Drew: Disclaimer C2 doesn’t own Pokemon meaning none of this will be true so don’t get your hopes up and expect anything more from a rewrite of the first fanfic from a 7th grader.

    C2~ Thank you Drew…I think



    Blossoming Relationship in Shinou ~ Ikarishipping


    “Wow! We’re at Eterna City” a dark blue haired girl wearing a white hat with a pink Pokemon ball logo. She seems awfully confident in the bright sun. The girl looked at the pretty city only a hill away.

    “Wait Hikari!” called from a squinty eyed brown haired man “Wait for us!”

    “Brock you’re just too slow.” Just as she finishes Ash a raven haired boy catches up to her.

    “Come on Brock we can’t wait all day, I’ve got a gym battle too! I’m so going to get the badge before Shinji.”


    It was quite obvious the two were very similar in personality. Brock runs up the hill only to find Hikari and Ash already ran off racing down the hill to the road leading to Eterna City, while Brock finally catches up to Ash and Hikari.

    ~At the city entrance~

    “Huff…huff” both Ash and Hikari used up all their energy after being so enthusiastic or too enthusiastic. Still breathing deeply, “This is what you get for getting too excited. Now how are we going to challenge the Gym leader when the both of you can barely stand up?” Brock was the mature one out of the three. He was one or two years older than Ash.

    BOOM!

    The group of three immediately turns their attention to a giant robot with a red R in front. The robot was huge and looks like a gigantic television with two arms and four feet.

    “Team Rocket” Ash yelled.

    Team Rocket was the bad guys that always try and fail to steal pikachu. Ash and Hikari were too tired even worse (A/N: at least Brocks still here) .

    “To prepare for trouble!” The television screens two people one with red hair another with blue and lastly a meowth.

    “Is just me or do they get more annoying every time?” Ash asked while Team Rocket does their speech or intro.

    “Hey twerp don’t talk when we talk do you know how rude that is?” Their heads pops out of the screen as if by magic to show their anger.

    “Oh what and it’s not rude to steal other people’s Pokemon?” Hikari answered in response.

    “Speaking of Stealing Pokemon we’ll take yours!”

    A mechanical hand extends from the orange colored television machine taking pikachu with a rubber like hand.

    “Pika-chu Chuu!!”

    “Pikachu!” Ash yells “Pikachu use thunder bolt!” It was no use. The hand didn’t conduct electricity. “Pika Pika Chu!” Yelled Pikachu in return.

    “Thunderbolt” a purple hair boy commanded.

    The robot started to break and soon it blew up throwing Pikachu into the air.

    “We’re blasting of again!” The machine explodes as Team Rocket shoots into the sky.

    Pikachu dives into Ashes arms relieved to be back.

    Ash turns around only to see his rival Shinji that was the one who helped them. Ash stares at Shinji probably a shamed he couldn’t deal with the problem himself. “Shinji are you here to challenge the gym leader too?” Ash yells at his rival.

    “Hemp don’t you know the gym leader of this city isn’t here at the moment. I wouldn’t be surprised for an amateur to know. ” Shinji answered as he walks away with his Elekid.

    “Ash I think we should get to the Pokemon center Pikachu looks tired.” Brock answered.

    “Argghhh just who do he think he is trying to act all superior. Come on lets go to the Pokemon Center.” Barely his finishing sentence Ash storms off.

    ~At the Pokemon Center~

    ” Ash runs into the Pokemon Center. “NURSE JOY NURSE JOY!!!

    “Nurse Joy is it really true that the gym leader isn’t here?”

    “Oh um… well yes Gardenia is currently traveling to find a special Pokemon that you don’t find much in the wild. Although I’m sure she will be back in a week or so.” The confused nurse answered.

    “Awl a week!” Ash is quite disappointed.

    Nurse Joy burst to comment “Oh but we are holding a Pokemon Tournament this afternoon and there’s a Super contest two days from now”

    Ash almost immediately cheered up. “Then sigh me in I’m Ash Ketchum of Pallet town.”

    “Oh Me TOO! I’m Hikari.” Hikari said just as she came into the Pokemon Center.

    “Alright now I have you Ash and you Hikari sighed for the tournament.”

    “I just thought of something! Shinji must be here too because of the tournament!” Ash stated.

    “Did you just think of that?” Hikari commented.

    “Hey want do you mean by that huh?”

    Then a whole argument started only to be calmed by Brock.

    ~At the Tournament~

    “Hikari, Shinji, Ruke (A/N: a filler character k?) Ash makes it to the finals!” The announcer loudly broadcasted.

    The crowd roars out of excitement.

    “The match ups are ………Hikari vs. Shinji and Ruke vs. Ash.

    ‘If Hikari wins I can’t battle with Shinji but I don’t want her to lose.’ thought Ash.


    Hikari POV

    ‘Hmm Shinji, he sure is a tough opponent but Pipulp can take his Chimchar, Bunary can use ice beam on Starly, and Pachiru can withstand thunder based attack from Elekid. So I should do fine.’

    “Let the match BEGIN!”

    “Focus Chimchar”

    ‘Chimchar the fire Pokemon, Pipulp should do’

    “Come on out Pipulp use bubble beam.”

    “Chimchar use quick attack to dodge and then take down.”

    Pipulp misses and Chimchar combining the strength of quick attack to its advantage to power the take down attacks Pipulp.

    “Pipulp use bide!”

    The take down hit and it was strong as Pipulp get smashed in to the wall.

    ‘Oh no!’

    “Are you alright Pipulp?”

    Barely able to stand up Chimchar was really strong.

    “Pipulp use peck to get close!”

    “Chimchar dodge.”

    ‘Good now Pipulp is right behind Chimchar.’

    “Okay now unleash Bide!”

    Chimchar gets a direct hit. Bide hits the opponent twice the power the user took in.

    “Now while Chimchar is down hit with a bubble beam.”

    Unable to dodge the super effective attack gets a direct hit, Chimchar faints.

    “The winner is Hikari! Now please shake hands.”

    ‘Yes I won! I wonder the look on Ashes face me beating his rival!’

    Normal POV

    Shinji immediately walks out of the area right after he glares at his opponent. This just fueled Hikari with the look on his face walking out. She runs up to him.

    They were now in a hallway. Hikari looks at him from behind and dazed at him for just a moment.

    “Wait! Where the hell do you think you’re going jerk? You don’t just glare at people because they won.” Hikari yelled out loud for she always thought of him as a jerk and inconsiderate. Could it be because he couldn’t remember her name or the way he treats his Pokemon as nothing but tools? Whatever the reason he was being rude only because he lost.

    Hikari follows Shinji and caught up.

    “Look I know you’re probably upset that you lost but that doesn’t mean you can just be mean. You can at least shake hands.” Hikari grabs and shakes his hand. “There!”

    Hikari smiled as if a little shining sun itself. Shinji was a complete opposite with a gloomy raining atmosphere, looking at her in a way that you don’t need words to explain the stop touching me you freak face.

    Shinji looked at her confused or annoyed and opened his mouth in an annoying tone “And you are?”

    “…………” Hikari twitches “I’m the ______ ____PERSON THAT JUST BEAT YOU!!! HIKARI MY NAME IS HIKARI FOR THE LAST TIME!!!”

    Hikari starts to come down as Shinji walks away looking at her like she just lost her mind, but with one thing on his mind ‘Hikari…’

    Hikari just stood there looking at Shinji as he walked away. She had a weird feeling and it was different when she was around Ash and Brock. Confused as she was, Hikari walks back into the stadium where the next battle was about to start.

    Alright Chaptered one-shot story one complete! Next up Pearlshipping which is continued okay ~C2~


    Read The Not So Shippy Shipper ~

  7. #7
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    O.O

    Well...there are still minor mistakes, but I think that this is better than before. You gotta work on your commas, exclamations, and etc.

    I'm gonna bold what I corrected here, kay? And I'm gonna underline what I changed, and the typo's are the Italic.<This is just for the battle scene.>

    Hmm...Shinji, he sure is a tough opponent but Piplup can take his Chimchar, Buneary can use ice beam on Starly, and Pachirisu can withstand thunder based attacks from Elekid. So I should do fine.’

    “Let the match BEGIN!”

    "Focus, Chimchar.”

    ‘Chimchar the fire Pokemon, Piplup should do’

    “Come on out Pipulp, use bubble beam!”

    “Chimchar use quick attack to dodge and then take down.”

    Piplup misses and Chimchar combining the strength of quick attack to its advantage and take down attacks Piplup.<didn't get that.>

    Piplup use bide!”

    The take down attack hit Piplup, but the attack was to strong for her, and got smashed into the wall.

    Oh no! Are you alright Pipulp?”

    Barely able to stand up<Piplup>, Hikari thought Shinji's Chimchar was really strong.

    Piplup use peck to get close!”

    “Chimchar, dodge.”

    ‘Good! Now Piplup is right behind Chimchar. Piplup can easily take him out now!

    “Okay! Now unleash Bide!”

    Chimchar gets a direct hit. Bide hits the opponent twice the power the user took in.

    “Now while Chimchar is down, hit him with a bubble beam.”

    Unable to dodge, the super effective attack gets a direct hit, Chimchar faints.

    “The winner is Hikari! Now, to resemble sportsmanship, please shake hands!"

    ‘Yes, I won! I wonder what's the look on Ash's face for me beating his rival!
    Girl...typos on the Piplup.....

    Anywayz, If I was to rate this...the best...2/5. But nice work. My first fanfic was a total mess compared to yours.



    renami ++ says:
    JULIAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    renami ++ says:
    WILL YOU MARRY ME
    on c l o u d nine ? says:
    UM KAY I'LL MARRY YOU
    Dynamite Shark Princess says:
    ILU
    on c l o u d nine ? says:
    WAIT WTF I HAVE A LOT OF ADMIRERS

  8. #8
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    When ya gonna do the RangerShipping bit? I'm a bit of a RangerShipping fan (but not as much as I am of PokéShipping). lol

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