Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 26 to 50 of 71

Thread: I wish I could tell you how much I love you...(contestshipping) PG

  1. #26
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    At work
    Posts
    614

    Default

    Very nice! As Encyclopika said, you need to make the chapters longer. Other than that, it's great! VERY typical Drew. Denying his feeling for her, so classic! Keep up the good work and please put me on the PM List! Contestshipping forever!

    ~Ayra~
    "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevent, it is what you do with the gift of life, that determines who you are." -Mewtwo
    "The only thing we can be is ourselves, we can't be someone else, and someone else can't be us." -Kelly Smith
    3DS FC 1048-8196-8009
    Type:Flying
    Spearow, Woobat, Hawlucha
    ^Click to go to my Ribbon Sprites thread, in need of some ideas^
    Currently working on:
        Spoiler:- Ribbons I'm working on:
    [img]http://i44.*******.com/23t2pg8.png[/img]
    Credit to AWildMew for the Shinjoh Connection userbar

  2. #27
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    I'm very very very sorry everyone reading this fic!!!!! I will not be able to update this fic for a MONTH. I know, I'm sorry....Its exam week next week, then I've got to perform in a few shows, then I'm on holiday... I'm really sorry!!!!! Please don't close this thread Mods....I'll update as soon as I get back..

  3. #28
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    Thanks and you might wanna delete one of ur posts...

  4. #29
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    At work
    Posts
    614

    Default

    Thanks! I also loved that Haley and Harley are identical in personality. You even included Shinnoh!

    ~Ayra~
    "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevent, it is what you do with the gift of life, that determines who you are." -Mewtwo
    "The only thing we can be is ourselves, we can't be someone else, and someone else can't be us." -Kelly Smith
    3DS FC 1048-8196-8009
    Type:Flying
    Spearow, Woobat, Hawlucha
    ^Click to go to my Ribbon Sprites thread, in need of some ideas^
    Currently working on:
        Spoiler:- Ribbons I'm working on:
    [img]http://i44.*******.com/23t2pg8.png[/img]
    Credit to AWildMew for the Shinjoh Connection userbar

  5. #30
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    I hav started the next chapter but I don't think I'll be finishing anytime soon... performing on tuesday and I've got a cold... ahh!

  6. #31
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    601

    Default

    Hiyas, I loved your fan-fiction! Can I be on the PM list?

    One suggestion, you need to make your chapters LONGER but anyways, I still loved it! =D

  7. #32
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    I'll add everyone that wanted to on the PM list to it. I've got 1/4 of the next chapter finished. And is there anything you would like to see in the next or upcoming chapters? If so tell me and I'll try and include it in the story. I'm going on holiday... <<claps>> Yay Me!! Any ideas are welcome. I'll try and use them. If not, I'll use them in other future fics.

  8. #33
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    PM List:

    Genkiness
    Haruka Kinomiya
    Raine-Kou
    Spongeaud
    waterfallRose
    Esperon
    Aipom Fan
    Ayra
    Orenji-Chan


    Feel free to suggest stuff you would like to see.

  9. #34
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    Oooooops..... I forgot about this fic..<<smacks self with a mallet>> "Too many video games"... I'm so sorry everyone. I'll try to update soon. Would you like to see Harley in the next chapter?

  10. #35
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    At work
    Posts
    614

    Default

    Would I ever!

    ~Ayra~
    "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevent, it is what you do with the gift of life, that determines who you are." -Mewtwo
    "The only thing we can be is ourselves, we can't be someone else, and someone else can't be us." -Kelly Smith
    3DS FC 1048-8196-8009
    Type:Flying
    Spearow, Woobat, Hawlucha
    ^Click to go to my Ribbon Sprites thread, in need of some ideas^
    Currently working on:
        Spoiler:- Ribbons I'm working on:
    [img]http://i44.*******.com/23t2pg8.png[/img]
    Credit to AWildMew for the Shinjoh Connection userbar

  11. #36
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    Would it be ok if I now change Hikari to Dawn or will it confuse people?

  12. #37
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    At work
    Posts
    614

    Default

    That'd be okay.

    ~Ayra~
    "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevent, it is what you do with the gift of life, that determines who you are." -Mewtwo
    "The only thing we can be is ourselves, we can't be someone else, and someone else can't be us." -Kelly Smith
    3DS FC 1048-8196-8009
    Type:Flying
    Spearow, Woobat, Hawlucha
    ^Click to go to my Ribbon Sprites thread, in need of some ideas^
    Currently working on:
        Spoiler:- Ribbons I'm working on:
    [img]http://i44.*******.com/23t2pg8.png[/img]
    Credit to AWildMew for the Shinjoh Connection userbar

  13. #38
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Somewhere I think
    Posts
    111

    Default

    well it ur choosse. i ok with both since soner or late when we watch diamond and pearl we'll keep on hearing it and u'll get use to it.
    Always and forever be a Pokemon fan no matter wht happens or how old I am.
    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm is there any point of being happy?



    Which character are you test by Naruto - Kun.com

  14. #39
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Don't worry about it.
    Posts
    634

    Default

    I think it would be fine if you change Hikari to Dawn. Just put a note somewhere for people so they understand the transistion.

    I am not sure if I am on the PM list or not. If I am not, can I be added? =)
    [IMG]http://i26.*******.com/246057s.jpg[/IMG]
    kyo sohma is my bishie (:

    &*heres__ to the note |she| wrote
    well RAISE a finger
    obscene g e s t u r e s , so she said
    but i only said sweet things to get you in b e d;

    touch me, tease me - a day away
    drew club + couples claimed ___.

  15. #40
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    ok. I'll use Dawn. And I'll add u to the PM List, HelloKitty17.

  16. #41
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    Hikari is now Dawn.

    Chapter 6

    “I don’t believe it!” exclaimed May. Drew was too stunned to speak. All eyes were fixed on the couple as they walked towards the counter. Even Nurse Joy was taken aback.

    In Shinou, Dawn’s face lit up at the television report when May’s name was mentioned. “Oh! May! Its May!” She exclaimed. But her facial expression turned to horror. “What’s up Dawn?” asked a raven-haired teenager beside her. He too fell silent when he saw the report.

    “That’s not right!” said Ash slightly puzzled.
    “What do you mean?” asked Brock, a brown-haired man beside him.
    “You know May and I went out last year?” Ash asked Brock.
    “Hmm…” Brock thought back. “Oh yes! I remember it now.”
    While the two boys chatted, Dawn listened attentively. A Hoppip bounced past her and she failed to listen to the rest of the conversation.

    “We’re on air in 5 … 4… 3 … 2… 1…” A sudden beep indicated that the television station was now broadcasting. “I’ve just had breaking news!” said a soft voice. It was Mary. Her pink hair was tied back into a bun. She was wearing a formal suit she often wore for news reading. “We’ve just had a viewer phone in and it is now confirmed that the image broadcasted earlier this evening was doctored. Repeat, the image broadcasted earlier this evening was doctored. I’m sorry for any inconveniences caused.” Mary walked out into the preparation room and whipped out her pink cell phone. She punched in a couple of numbers and held the mobile phone close to her ear.

    “Hello? Haley? I’m ashamed at you! How dare you send that photograph in?!” Mary screamed down the phone, her rampage continued, “The first rule of journalism is to never lie!!” How could you?!”

    “I’m sorry Aunt Mary, I promised never to do it again” Haley sobbed into her cell phone. It was true, she had doctored the photograph. She took the picture several seconds before May and Drew’s kiss. She was too early.

    Meanwhile in Sinnoh, a young teen with brown hair jumped up and high-fived Ash. “Thanks Todd!” Ash said to the other teen. They had known each other for years and the only way of quelling Ash’s suspicion was to bring in a professional photographer for the job. “Anytime, Ash!”

    Drew and May were relieved. If that photograph had been true, May would have gone into permanent hibernation.

    “I’ll get you some day, May!” screeched Haley. She stormed into her room to hatch another devious plan.

    “Hello?”
    “Ash?”
    “Hi May! Its me! The news!”
    “I know! Who called the news?”
    “It was me and Todd!”
    “Oh thanks guys! I’ll find some way to repay you. I’ll do anything.”
    “That’s alright May, we are friends after all.”
    “I’ve got a contest tomorrow so I better go to bed early.”
    Ok, goodnight.”
    “You too Ash.”

    With this, May returned to her room. All the rooms were full so May and Drew were forced to share a room. They pushed the two beds apart so that they were on opposite sides of the room. They started to unpack.

    Meanwhile, two floors up, a purple haired guy dressed in a Cacturne costume punched a few numbers into his mobile.

    “Hello, Haley Thorn speaking.”
    “Why hello there sis, good job. You nearly, repeat nearly, humiliated that stupid May. Criticise my cookies she did. It was a special recipe, Thorn-Melt-In-the-Mouth.”
    Haley gasped. It was a recipe perfected by their grandmother.
    “We’ll show her.” They both shouted down the phone.

    As they were unpacking, something fell out of Drew’s backpack. It was bright blue and made of very soft material. May bent down to pick it up for him.

    “Aww, little Drewy’s still got his baby blanket.”
    “Give it back! It’s the only thing I have from my birth parents. I was separated from them long ago.” Tears welled up in Drew’s eyes.
    “Oh, I’m sorry.”
    “Don’t worry.”

    May went into the bathroom to change. Drew sat on his bed looking at his childhood blanket.
    Will I ever find them again?

    The next day, they both went down to the contest hall. As they walked, they bumped into Harley.

    “Well hey there, Drew and May.” He continued, “I saw the little news report last night.” He giggled. “Don’t you make a cute couple?”

    May clenched her fists, just about to lunge for Harley when Drew grabbed her and tried to restrain her. “Calm down May!” he cried.

    “Well, I’ll just be creaming you two in this afternoon’s contest!” He laughed and strolled off casually.

    “Aaaargh! He is so annoying!” May screamed.
    “Save it May, he’s not worth it. Let’s go get some soda.” They both walked off to the nearby café.

    ____________

    I hope you liked that chapter. It is rather short but the next one will be longer because of the contest. Drew's parents will also be explained more.

  17. #42
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Don't worry about it.
    Posts
    634

    Default

    You're right, it was short. It was also a little bit rushed and confusing to me. It was still good though.

    The baby blanket thing with Drew was interesting.

    Anyways, update soon. =)
    [IMG]http://i26.*******.com/246057s.jpg[/IMG]
    kyo sohma is my bishie (:

    &*heres__ to the note |she| wrote
    well RAISE a finger
    obscene g e s t u r e s , so she said
    but i only said sweet things to get you in b e d;

    touch me, tease me - a day away
    drew club + couples claimed ___.

  18. #43
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    At work
    Posts
    614

    Default

    Way too short, rushed, and confusing. You need to lengthen the chapters and don't rush through the storyline, you need to add more detail and drag out the storyline a little. This chapter wasn't up to your usual standard. Just take your time and make sure that the chapter is as good as it can be before you post it.

    ~Ayra~
    "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevent, it is what you do with the gift of life, that determines who you are." -Mewtwo
    "The only thing we can be is ourselves, we can't be someone else, and someone else can't be us." -Kelly Smith
    3DS FC 1048-8196-8009
    Type:Flying
    Spearow, Woobat, Hawlucha
    ^Click to go to my Ribbon Sprites thread, in need of some ideas^
    Currently working on:
        Spoiler:- Ribbons I'm working on:
    [img]http://i44.*******.com/23t2pg8.png[/img]
    Credit to AWildMew for the Shinjoh Connection userbar

  19. #44
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    Ok. I'm sorry. I'll make the next one better.

  20. #45
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Somewhere I think
    Posts
    111

    Default

    well it was just rushing a little so it was hard to tell wat from wat. thank godness that ash and todd stop it in time but i wonder wat would have happen if they didn't. wonder if ash still has feeling for may even if they went out last year. drew is kind of OOC in the part with the blanket, but it tell more bout him. kind of short but nice.

    can't wait for the next chapter.
    Always and forever be a Pokemon fan no matter wht happens or how old I am.
    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm is there any point of being happy?



    Which character are you test by Naruto - Kun.com

  21. #46
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    nxt chapter will be out in the nxt few weeks, i've got important exams coming up soo.. yh.

  22. #47
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    exams are over. but I'm out of ideas. I'll write as soon as i think of something interesting. i'm sorry guys!

  23. #48
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    At work
    Posts
    614

    Default

    Don't worry! Just take your time okay? Don't try to force things out, let it come out on its own.

    ~Ayra~
    "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevent, it is what you do with the gift of life, that determines who you are." -Mewtwo
    "The only thing we can be is ourselves, we can't be someone else, and someone else can't be us." -Kelly Smith
    3DS FC 1048-8196-8009
    Type:Flying
    Spearow, Woobat, Hawlucha
    ^Click to go to my Ribbon Sprites thread, in need of some ideas^
    Currently working on:
        Spoiler:- Ribbons I'm working on:
    [img]http://i44.*******.com/23t2pg8.png[/img]
    Credit to AWildMew for the Shinjoh Connection userbar

  24. #49
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Spinning in my chair-wheeeeee!
    Posts
    786

    Default

    Grrrrrr! I hate him too, May! *beats up Harley with May* ... *Beats up HALEY with May* Yaaaaaay! The day is saved! Da da daaaa! XD Nice chappies! I haven't tuned in for ages: busy, busy, busy ya know? But I'm glad I finally got to reading it! Wahoooo!

  25. #50
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    On the coast of Orre
    Posts
    11

    Default

    yeah, this is a great story! *beats up Harley with Flygonrulz and May*
    .....yeah, we all hate Harley...... ^^;
    _______________
    If you cry, I cry, if you laugh, I laugh, if you jump outta window, I lmao. =D

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •