Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 51 to 71 of 71

Thread: I wish I could tell you how much I love you...(contestshipping) PG

  1. #51
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    Chapter 7!!!!!!

    Chapter 7----

    “And Now! The moment you’ve all been waiting for! The Goldenrod City Contest!” shouted the brown-haired Katherine. A cheer went up from the crowd. All the seats were filled with enthusiastic fans. “Right! We’ll get on with the preliminaries!” Katherine continued, “First up I have Harley from Blackthorn City!” Harley ran on stage, waving to the psyched up audience. He stopped in the middle of the stage. He smiled. He tossed a pokéball in the air, “Go, Octillery!” A red octopus-like creature appeared on stage with a cry. “Substitute, then Flash Cannon!” The Octillery obeyed its master’s command. It glowed a bright pink as it summoned power from within itself to make a copy. Eventually, a copy of Octillery emerged from the original’s body. It then aimed its snout at the copy. “Ready, aim, fire!!” screeched Harley. A bright yellow orb appeared as it gathered energy. The orb was released at high speed towards the substitute. The copy exploded with a bright yellow light on impact. The audience cheered. “Next, we have Bobby with Squirtle!” Katherine told the audience as Harley ran off stage.

    “Not bad, right May?” Harley sneered. May clenched her fists. She rose up from the waiting room bench. “What do you mean by that, Harley?”
    “Hmph, I’m not wasting my breath on you!” said Harley coolly as he walked out.
    “Grr…. That Harley!” May simmered.

    “And here’s Drew!” announced Katherine. The crowd roared with excitement. A couple of fan girls and cheerleaders squealed as Drew did his signature hair flicking.
    “Come on out! Absol!” Drew jumped and threw a pokéball. The Absol appeared with a shower of sparks. “Use Will-o-wisp, then future sight!” Several blobs of fire appeared around Absol that flew out towards the sides of the stage. They reflected off the sides and started closing in on Absol. Just before they hit, they exploded into miniature purple fireworks. The crowd cheered in appreciation. “That was brilliant!” exclaimed one of the judges. “Remarkable” said another.

    The other contestants performed their appeals as May watched the screen in the waiting room.

    “And now, last but not least, May from Odale Town!” The spectators screeched in delight. May ran up the steps, onto the stage and gave a wave to the audience. “Come on out!” She thought about it. Then remembered the secret pokémon her grandfather, Pryce, gave her. “Piloswine! Reflect!” The furry pokémon appeared with a grunt. It made a miniature force field around itself. “Now, Avalanche!” May’s Piloswine shuddered and large ice blocks came down hard on it. The ice blocks bounced off the force field and shattered into little ice crystals that shimmered in the light.

    “Now, all our contestants have impressed our judges, who will be through to the next round? Join us in five minutes while we count the scores and votes!”

    An old man rose of his seat in a little house in Mahogany Town. “So, she’s used it.” he said to a Mamoswine who was eating its lunch. It looked up at the man, and then continued eating again.

    “And, we’re back with the Goldenrod Contest!” Katherine announced, “And the four contestants through to the battle round are, May! Drew! Harley! And Bobby! On arena one is May versus Drew, and on arena two is Harley against Bobby!”

    “Blaziken! Flamethrower!”
    “Absol! Dodge!”
    The battle between May and Drew raged. Points were gradually going down on both sides. “Sky Uppercut!” Blaziken positioned its final attack. “Quick Absol! Double Team!” Drew’s Absol split into a few copies. Blaziken lunged for an Absol. The wrong one. The copy faded away. “Shadow Ball!” shouted Drew. A purple and black orb struck Blaziken in the back. It fell to the floor, knocked out. “And the winner is Drew!” announced Katherine. “And over in arena two, Harley is the winner!” May’s head drooped. She returned the worn out pokémon to its pokéball. She walked out of the hall. She sat slumped in the waiting room.

    “Come on out! Absol!”
    “Out you go! Wigglytuff!”
    “Slash!” commanded Drew. The Absol obeyed.
    “Dodge!” shouted Harley to his pink fluffy pokémon. It avoided the attack. Points went down. “Razor Wind!” said Drew. The Absol paused to build up power.
    “Wrong move!” Harley giggled. “Focus Punch!”
    The Wigglytuff ran in, building up power as it ran. The Absol was still building power. Just before it hit, Drew shouted, “Now!” The Absol hit the Wigglytuff in a weak spot, making it a critical hit. “Noooooo!” screeched Harley. “It can’t be!”
    “And the winner of the Goldenrod Contest is Drew!” The crowd cheered.

    Later on, after receiving his prize, the tall, green-haired Drew strolled into the waiting room where May was sat, slumped in the corner.. “You gave a good battle May.” Drew told her. She sniffed. “Hey, listen,” Drew broke the awkward silence; “There’s a ball tonight at the radio station. If you wanna go then...”
    “You mean, on a date?” May asked silently.
    “Must be your lucky day.” Drew replied. As he walked out, he threw a gift to May: a yellow rose.


    --

    I hope you like it. And should I do chapter 8 like a song chapter?
    Last edited by shervin; 27th May 2007 at 8:04 PM.

  2. #52
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Don't worry about it.
    Posts
    634

    Default

    Hmm, well. You really need to work on the length of your chapters, but I liked the combinations you used for the contest, they fit very well. Also, the ending was cute with Drew asking May to the ball, I hope you are doing the ball in the next chapter. As for what you asked about doing the next chapter as a song, I would say no, I am not a fan of song fics, and I kinda think it would destroy the flow of the story if you did, but that's just my opinion. I don't think I spotted any mistakes, but really the length should be longer. Other than that, it was a good chapter.
    =]
    [IMG]http://i26.*******.com/246057s.jpg[/IMG]
    kyo sohma is my bishie (:

    &*heres__ to the note |she| wrote
    well RAISE a finger
    obscene g e s t u r e s , so she said
    but i only said sweet things to get you in b e d;

    touch me, tease me - a day away
    drew club + couples claimed ___.

  3. #53
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    Thanks. I will definitely make the next chapter longer. (I've said it a lot of times but I WILL!!!) lol. I got to figure out what they're doing at the ball now. Back to the drawing board!

  4. #54
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Somewhere I think
    Posts
    111

    Default

    u need more description in this chapter. everything just went by so quickly.it was suprising that drew and may got paired up so quickly at the beginning of the second round. and then may lost. but very happy at he end that harley lost. i was wonder y u change the hometown of the people thought. it was very cute at he end when drew ask may out on a date for the ball.

    cant wait 4 the next cha.
    Always and forever be a Pokemon fan no matter wht happens or how old I am.
    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm is there any point of being happy?



    Which character are you test by Naruto - Kun.com

  5. #55
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    Thanks for the comments. Chapter 8 is taking me longer to think up!

  6. #56
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default Omigosh

    I haven't been on serebii for months!! I haven't worked out the next chapter, aack!!!

  7. #57
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Glaring at you evily
    Posts
    44

    Default

    It was nice but rushed. It's actually kinda cute!
    My six main characters: Geniveve, Thyrasta, Crystal, Charizard, Alakazam, Tyrannitar

  8. #58
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    Thanks! Lol, I think I can do better, now I'm older, so hopefully, you'll all like the next chapter,(not yet written)

    Urr… this is the ball chapter. I tried to lengthen it a bit, and I’m not sure if it worked…hmm… I tried… 2 pages of MSWord. Enjoy!

    Chapter 8

    “Come on, work harder! We need to get some pokemon if we want our next paycheque!” screamed a pink haired woman in a black uniform.
    “I don’t see you working your butt off! If we do get a paycheque, its all thanks to me!” came the reply from the green haired, partner in crime as he looked over to the blueprints of their plan, he was digging a hole with his Dugtrio, a brown, triple mole pokemon.
    “Dugtrio, dig faster!” he commanded forcefully, the pokemon’s eyes flashed red as it burrowed underground on a disused road.

    Meanwhile, in a room, at the Goldenrod City Pokemon Center, our favourite brunette heroine was trying on a blue, chiffon dress. She turned to her trusted starter pokemon and asked its opinion on the beautiful garment, the Blaziken answered with a shake of its head.
    “But Blaziken, I’ve tried on twenty outfits!” May said disappointedly.
    A cry of delight was heard from the closet and an excited Munchlax poked its head out of it.

    Two floors up, a similar situation was unfolding. “Do you think she’ll like this one?” a green haired teen asked his Roselia, who was sat on the bed. The Roselia replied with an enthusiastic nod.
    “Alright! Thanks Roselia!” said Drew. “Lets go! The party starts in ten minutes!”

    A few hours later, the party had started. Everyone was dancing with their date, all except a brunette, dressed in a pink flowing dress with a matching evening handbag and stilettos, sat on the edge of a fountain outside the radio station, with a glass of punch, sobbing into a pink handkerchief.

    “What’s up hun?” asked a man, dressed in his signature Cacturne suit, offering a shoulder to the girl to cry on.
    “My date isn’t here…”
    “Oh, damn that Drew, always making empty promises and eurgh!” said Harley in sudden disgust.
    “Eurgh?” the girl looked up.
    “Yes eurgh, stop snivelling onto my suit! I only had it dry cleaned an hour ago!!” Harley screeched at the girl, who then burst into tears once again.
    “I’m sorry!” she cried.
    “There there, have a hug to cheer you up.” As they embraced, Harley smiled.

    However, there is a reason why Drew isn’t at the party! He fell into the hole that the Cipher Rocket grunts made.

    “Urgh” he said groggily as he stood up.
    “Mwahahahaha!” another green haired man laughed manically.
    “I told you not to laugh like that! You bring down our rep!” scolded his partner in crime.
    “Sorry.” He apologised.
    Drew looked up towards the opening of the hole. He released his Flygon from its pokeball. He clambered onto its back. With a squeeze of his legs, the powerful dragon seemed to know what was requested as it rose out of the hole.
    “Get out here! Hariyama!” shouted the man as he threw his pokeball.
    “You too! Rhydon!” screeched the lady as she released her rock rhino out of its pokeball.
    “Attack!” They shouted in unison.
    Both of their pokemon sprang up towards the dragon in flight.
    “Hyper beam!” Drew commanded.
    Orange particles gathered in Flygon’s mouth. As the two enemy pokemon approached, Flygon’s beam finished charging and it was released at full blast, the beam consumed the two other pokemon and sent them crashing down into their evil masters.

    “Let’s go inside hun” Harley suggested after May dried her tears.
    As they walked towards the door, a white rose landed in May’s hand, along with pink petals surrounded by a pretty pink powder. She looked up in curiosity. As a green dragon, surrounded by a red light was recalled to its pokeball, its master jumped to the ground.

    “I’m so sorry that I’m so late.” Drew apologised for his very fashionably late entrance.
    “Erm… I’m gonna go get some punch.” Said Harley as he ran into the building.
    Drew explained the series of events that delayed his arrival. The orchestra inside the building started playing again, and soft music filled the air.

    “May I have this dance?” Drew asked politely.
    “Why, of course you may!” May replied in an exaggerated English accent.

    As they slow danced to the peaceful music, May rested her head on Drew’s shoulder. And she thought, “Perfect night, perfect outfit and most importantly, perfect guy.”

    --
    I hoped you guys liked that. It was shorter than I wanted it to be...lol anywayz, reviews are welcome!
    Last edited by Encyclopika; 26th January 2008 at 5:54 PM. Reason: double post

  9. #59
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    At work
    Posts
    613

    Default

    WAY TOO SHORT!!!!!!!!!!!!! There was a severe lack of substance. Your paragraphing was horrid. You make each dialog a paragraph. You need a lot of improvement.

    ~Ayra~
    "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevent, it is what you do with the gift of life, that determines who you are." -Mewtwo
    "The only thing we can be is ourselves, we can't be someone else, and someone else can't be us." -Kelly Smith
    3DS FC 1048-8196-8009
    Type:Flying
    Spearow, Woobat, Hawlucha
    ^Click to go to my Ribbon Sprites thread, in need of some ideas^
    Currently working on:
        Spoiler:- Ribbons I'm working on:
    [img]http://i44.*******.com/23t2pg8.png[/img]
    Credit to AWildMew for the Shinjoh Connection userbar

  10. #60
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    :S sorry!! I've been told I needed to paragraph the dialogue... umm... sorry that it was ...well.. rubbish... lack of practise.....aiyee.... well I will work hard to make the next chapter READABLE.

  11. #61
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    At work
    Posts
    613

    Default

    Just work at your high standard.

    ~Ayra~
    "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevent, it is what you do with the gift of life, that determines who you are." -Mewtwo
    "The only thing we can be is ourselves, we can't be someone else, and someone else can't be us." -Kelly Smith
    3DS FC 1048-8196-8009
    Type:Flying
    Spearow, Woobat, Hawlucha
    ^Click to go to my Ribbon Sprites thread, in need of some ideas^
    Currently working on:
        Spoiler:- Ribbons I'm working on:
    [img]http://i44.*******.com/23t2pg8.png[/img]
    Credit to AWildMew for the Shinjoh Connection userbar

  12. #62
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    okay, I have some ideas for the next chapters.

  13. #63
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    Chapter 9

    In an old building in Eterna Forest, Sinnoh, was the current headquarters of Cipher Rocket. A livid Giovanni was shouting at his minions in a lavishly, furnished room.

    “You blundering idiots!” shouted the criminal mastermind.
    “We’re sorry!” answered Amy, one of his teams’ grunts. “And any way, why don’t we catch pokémon legally anyway?”
    “SILENCE!” Giovanni roared. His plans had been thwarted three times in succession by young trainers, he still remembered them, Ash and the twerps, Jimmy and his foolish gang, Brendan Birch was also among the many young teens opposing him.
    He snapped back into reality. He pressed an intercom connected to his secretary’s office and said, “Will you send someone in to take this, lovely, woman into the Hypnotic Chamber for a ‘rest’? I’ll deal with her later.”
    “Absolutely Sir, right away.” Came the reply from his secretary.
    “Oh and, I need to meet you in the board room in five minutes to discuss something, Tracey.”
    “Affirmative.” Came the obedient reply.

    The blonde secretary of Cipher Rocket, after hearing her boss’s request, pressed send on her computer screen, took a deep breath, and backed away from her desk as two burly men in Cipher Rocket uniform dragged a woman and a man, kicking and screaming into an elevator.

    Meanwhile, in a field, just outside of Ecruteak City, May, dressed in her usual outfit, topped off with her favourite bandana sat, eating a packed lunch. Her pokémon were all out, eating as well when all of a sudden, from behind a tree, dashed a yellow, podgy, duck like pokémon and it stole May’s sandwich and grinned at her while it scoffed the food, this caused may to jump back, and she was caught by her loyal Blaziken. As her starter pokémon lowered her to the ground, May whipped out her pokedex and pointed it at the wild pokémon.
    The machine bleeped into speech. “Psyduck, the duck pokémon. It never remembers using its extraordinary powers, and its constantly puzzled.”
    “Doesn’t look very puzzled to me!” May exclaimed looking at the yellow pokémon taunting May with the sandwich. She thought back as the species of pokémon look familiar…

    In the burnt tower, in Ecruteak City, Cipher Grunts were struggling to calm a raging dog-like pokémon. It was blowing scorching hot flames at the grunts, which were screaming in fear. Another pokémon was shooting sparks of blue lighting, trying to fry the intruders of their sacred tower. Another darted out of the building, through the forest and away from its home. As it ran through the street, many people were astonished to see the rare legendary pokémon running, crying for help. It bounded over young children, taking care not to knock them over, it leapt over a bush, and skidded to a halt on a Sandy beach. It paced the coastline wondering how it was going to get to its destination: Mahogany Town.

    “Eevee! Shadow Ball!” commanded May. Her young fox pokémon obeyed with a cry. A dark purple orb of energy raced towards the Psyduck. Seconds before it hit, Psyduck grew blue and the attack stopped in its tracks. The Shadow Ball was burst and the Psyduck rushed towards its target with arms outstretched. “Eevee! Quick, dodge it and use Iron Tail!”
    The Eevee jumped and the Psyduck skidded across a mud puddle. While it was regaining its balance, Eevee with its now metallic tail, combined with gravity dealt a heavy blow on the Psyduck. The Psyduck buckled under the pressure and it fell flat on its face. It gave a weak groan while May retrieved an empty pokéball from her fanny pack. She pressed the white button to enlarge it and she threw it at the fallen Psyduck, however, the Psyduck hobbled to its feet and hit the pokéball back to May with its tail, the startled May was hit in the face with the pokéball and the Psyduck laughed. May clenched her teeth and thought, “Tougher than I thought…” For some reason, she thought of Drew when she thought that. She then focused her mind on catching the Psyduck and the battle continued.

    “You got mail!” blinked on the computer at the Elite Four HQ. A red haired dragon tamer pulled his wheelie office chair to the table and read the email while he sipped a mug of coffee.

    --=
    To: dragonboi@E4.com
    CC: shadowgranny@E4.com, iceprincess@E4.com , muscleman@E4.com
    BCC: Oak.profs@league.com
    From:thedarkness@CR.com
    SUBJECT: Code red Alert!

    This is Undercover agent Karen,

    The situation is worse than we thought. Giovanni is now set on harnessing the power of the three legendary dogs to summon Celebi. His reason for wanting Celebi is still unconfirmed. Just beware, he has caught Entei, the fire dog. Raikou and Suicune are still wild.

    We need to up our game before this is a national crisis. Just beware, and alert all officials about this.

    Yours Sincerely,

    Karen Black

    --=

    The recipients of the email were fast at work, forwarding and reply to the message, all except for an elderly man in Pallet Town’s lab. “Daisy!” he called for her granddaughter. “Yes Grampies?” she said as she walked hurriedly into her grandfather’s cluttered research room, stepping over piles of books as she made towards the desk in the centre of the room. “Will you give me a hand writing this email? Everything these days is CC here and CC there, what’s wrong with the phone?” Daisy giggled as she sat down to aid Professor Oak.


    The yellow duck came crashing to the ground in a heap. May threw the empty capsule at it for the second time. It hit the duck pokémon and it vanished into it. The ball bounced a couple of times; it then wobbled once, twice, thrice. The pokémon was caught! May jumped up and down for joy at the new addition to her team. That was one stubborn Psyduck, who would have thought?

    “Noo! Please, I beg you! Don’t brainwash me again! I don’t want to hurt the poor darlings!” Amy wept and begged while her boyfriend, Wred was trying to break them out of the room they were in. “Its no use.” sneered their criminal boss. “I need dimwits like you two to brainwash into my evil doings. Electabuzz, thunder punch!” The yellow and black pokémon charged up its arm and slugged a blow at Wred. He cried out in pain. The pink haired Amy wept uncontrollably. “Hypno! Hypnosis! Then use Psychic!” Amy and Wred ceased their wailing and a deathly silence chilled the dark room. “Are you ready to serve?” Giovanni asked them.
    “We will do as you please.” Was the reply from the two brainwashed grunts. Their eyes glowed red.
    “Excellent.” Said Giovanni as he burst into maniacal laughter.

    While May was rejoicing, and Giovanni was brainwashing his grunts, her grandfather, Pryce, in a log cabin in Mahogany Town heard loud knocks and whimpering at his door. He wheeled over in his wheelchair and opened the door and there stood a young, green haired coordinator Drew, with a young water puppy, wrapped in a bright blue blanket in his arms.
    “Quick Sir! It needs help right away!”
    They brought the crying Suicune puppy into the house and Drew laid it on the floor of the living room.
    “I’ll go get some Potions.” Said Pryce to Drew. Drew replied by nodding. As he looked around, a picture of a little brunette girl caught his eye. When the elderly man returned, Drew inquired about the picture.
    “That’s my granddaughter May. You’re good friends with her right?”
    As they nursed and dressed the infant Suicune’s wounds, Pryce told Drew about May’s childhood.
    “She was always a bright girl, full of energy. I remember this one time when we went out on an outing to the Fushcia Safari Park when she was about five. She toddled around gasping at every pokémon she saw. She was such great friends with a Torchic at the Petting Zone that she fed it her ice-cream!” The old man chuckled. “Care to tell an old man like me the story of your past?” At the sudden question, tears welled in Drew’s eyes, “I can’t remember anything, I was brought up at the Space Center in Mossdeep.” A lump grew in Drew’s throat. “By foster parents.”
    “Well young Drew, I think I might be able to help.”


    ---

    I made it longer (not that much)! Yay me! I hope you like the quality though!

  14. #64
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    At work
    Posts
    613

    Default

    Still way too short. You didn't paragraph the dialog. This was definitely not your best.

    ~Ayra~
    "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevent, it is what you do with the gift of life, that determines who you are." -Mewtwo
    "The only thing we can be is ourselves, we can't be someone else, and someone else can't be us." -Kelly Smith
    3DS FC 1048-8196-8009
    Type:Flying
    Spearow, Woobat, Hawlucha
    ^Click to go to my Ribbon Sprites thread, in need of some ideas^
    Currently working on:
        Spoiler:- Ribbons I'm working on:
    [img]http://i44.*******.com/23t2pg8.png[/img]
    Credit to AWildMew for the Shinjoh Connection userbar

  15. #65
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Glaring at you evily
    Posts
    44

    Default

    This is getting confusing. Just where is May and where is Drew? I know you can do better!
    My six main characters: Geniveve, Thyrasta, Crystal, Charizard, Alakazam, Tyrannitar

  16. #66
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    the Reverse World
    Posts
    3,982

    Default

    I think the problem also lies in you two's way of reviewing. If you know how to fix the problem, then tell Shervin how they can go about it instead of making them guess. =\ They can't do better until they know what you want or what exactly you're confused about.
    Shervin, your latest chapter is within standards as far as length goes. Don't be pressured by vague reviewers. You can't expect to fix something when the problem isn't presented.
    Encyclopika's Fic of the Moment:

    Status: Chaptered | R | Contestshipping | Finished

    Encyclopika:
    Made the banner
    Is a GIRL. >.>;;
    Has a deviantART account and a Tumblr
    Is on Fanfiction.net.
    Need a moveset for a specific Pokemon for a specific contest? PM me!
    Don't reply to my infractions. It's not gonna change anything.

    Random friend requests do nothing. Let's actually talk first. >_<

  17. #67
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    <<nods politely at Encyclopedia, Foxfyre and Ayra>> btw, I'm a he. And Iwas kinda trying to figure out what you wanted me to change. :S

    But heres chapter 10...

    Chapter: 10
    Walking down a country lane on quite a hot and humid day checking her pokedex was our favoured coordinator, May. As she walked, she read the screen on her pokedex, trying to cram information about her latest addition to the team into her head. Her Psyduck was out of its pokéball, waddling along beside its master, enjoying the occasional breeze. May was starting to go red with frustration as her Psyduck disobeyed her commands.
    “Psyduck! Use Bubblebeam!” May ordered. A blue aura came over Psyduck and May was lifted off the ground and crashing into a tree by the road. May screamed in shock as her Psyduck took off down the road. “Psyduck! Get back here!” shouted May as she gave chase. As she saw Psyduck jump over a sturdy fence and into a large field with several Miltank grazing. She slowed to a halt and was figuring out the best way to give chase now. She released her Beautifly in a shower of shimmering powder.
    “Quick! Get after Psyduck!” Beautifly looked very puzzled. It tilted its head in confusion, the Psyduck was nowhere to be seen! “Argh!” she cried as she clambered over the fence. As she ran towards a large building on the edge of the field, the Miltank lifted their heads to look at the comical girl, her hair in a mess, running towards the farmhouse. May slowed down as she reached the white, wooden building and she heard a soft, female voice with a slight country accent. “Well well, where didja come from lil one?” The reply was identified by May as her Psyduck. As May turned the corner, she saw a pretty middle-aged woman, in a purple dress decorated with flowers. The woman tucked her long red hair behind her ears. “Is this young ‘un yours?”
    “Yes it is,” replied May.
    “You have a very healthy pokémon here.” The woman told her as she patted May’s Psyduck
    She then rose up from her crouch. “Welcome to Moomoo farm!”
    May gasped. “We get our milk from here!”
    The woman laughed. “Why don’t you and your pal here come in?” May accepted the offer and followed the woman into the barn house.

    Over in the Sinnoh region, Ash and his friends were in a modern building, with his friends in a queue for a ferry. “As far as I know, May has a contest today in Olivine City.” Brock told Dawn. “You could learn something from her.” As they boarded the small white ferry that will take them to their destination, Ash remembered all the good times they had in Hoenn and Kanto and a tear came to his eyes.

    “Daisy, there’s no time to lose, get Max and Misty, we need to leave now!” Professor Oak ordered his granddaughter as he put on his coat. “You stay here and call Gary and run the lab without me. This is a dire situation, Jasmine must be warned!” Professor Oak jumped into a helicopter with his guests Misty and Max. As the helicopter rose into the sky, grey clouds gathered over Olivine City. Little did May know, she’d be missing the upcoming contest.

    “Thank you very much Pryce, but I have to get going! I would like to watch May in her next contest. But I will be back soon, as I have all my 5 ribbons.” Drew thanked the host. “I trust you will look after the Suicune well.”
    The older man nodded and let Drew out of the house. The Suicune puppy was still fast asleep, wrapped in the blue blanket. Drew made his way down the road when he felt static and thought something had run past him. He shook his head and said to himself, “I’m losing it.” He started running down the path towards Ecruteak City.
    Giovanni was pacing his room as he shouted at his secretary. “Aargh!” How could we let them escape?!” he roared in frustration. He slammed his fist on his desk, causing a cup of tea to go flying all over his neat black suit. This only resulted in further enragement. “I’m sorry sir,” said Tracey, “I’ve already sent out troops to capture them.”
    Giovanni sat down as he dabbed a handkerchief at his suit. He calmed slightly, “You are so efficient.”
    “Thank you boss, would this be the time to bring up the subject of a payri-“ she was interrupted in mid sentence. “GET OUT!” her boss roared. As she left the room, she calmed herself, “Only doing this as undercover…”

    Meanwhile, May was leaving Moomoo farm after being treated to a nice, moist slice of blueberry pie. All that afternoon she had been trying to tame Psyduck and it seemed to work, it was now obeying…occasionally. As she ran off on the path to Olivine City, where her next contest was, she felt a sudden breeze of intense heat and she thought to herself, “I’m losing it”.

    She soon arrived at the port town and there was a huge crowd outside the Olivine gym. There was a poster on the glass door, displaying a missing sign, the picture of the lady on the poster was the Steel type Gym Leader. Her mysterious disappearance led to May feeling a little queasy. She shook off that thought as she ran towards the contest hall. On her way there was a crossroads where four paths met in the middle of the town. She heard several voices,
    “Quick, we don’t want to miss her contest!”
    “We gotta warn Jasmine!”
    As she ran, it all became a blur as seven people collided in the centre. May shrieked in fear as she fell towards the ground. As she picked herself up, she glanced around to see if the people she collided into were ok.
    “Hey watch where you’re goi- May?” asked a raven-haired teen in surprise. His companions, Brock and Dawn stood up slowly; May turned and saw Prof. Oak, Misty and her younger brother Max. She stepped back in surprise at all her friends, right into a green haired coordinator.
    “You should watch where you’re going May!”
    “Drew!” everyone said in unison.
    “Quick, we have no time to lose, we need to warn Jasmine!” cried Prof. Oak, turning everyone’s’ smile to a look of worry.
    “Professor, Jasmine has been kidnapped!” May revealed to the ageing professor. The professor whispered to himself. “It has begun…” he then turned to the now extended gang. “Quick we need to split up! May, Drew, Ash and Dawn, I need you to get to Pryce, in Mahogany Town, protect the Suicune at all costs, Max, Misty, Brock and myself, we need to go to the Olivine Gym and do some inquiries. Guys, good luck.”
    Ash put his hand out in front of him. “We’re all in this together.” The rest of the gang put their hands in. “3…2...1. SPLIT!” yelled Ash.
    “We’ll meet you in Mahogany Town.” Prof. Oak told May.

    As May and her sub-gang reached Mahogany Town, a loud blast was heard from the Lake Of Rage, and a roar of pain was heard. They quickly rushed to the lakeside and they saw, the legendary Raikou trapped in a cage attached to a black helicopter with a distinctive red ‘CR’ logo on the side. May released her Blaziken, Drew called out his Flygon, Ash let out his Turtwig, and Dawn, her Piplup. However Team Rocket did not call out any pokémon.
    All four trainers ordered their pokémon to attack.
    “Flamethrower!”
    “Dragon Pulse!”
    “Razor Leaf!”
    “Bubblebeam!”

    Blaziken’s flame attack hit the glass cage first, the attack then bounced off and hit Turtwig forcefully. The powerful flames roasted the pokémon.
    “Stop!” Ash cried. “The attacks don’t work.” But it was too late, the attacks hit the glass cage and bounced back at them, they leapt around, dodging the attacks while Team Rocket flew off with the Raikou.

    Over in Olivine City, another Team Rocket attack was unleashed on the City. The top of the lighthouse was completely ripped off by the time Prof. Oak and his team got there. A giant robot plucked a yellow and black pokémon off the top. The Ampharos panicked, kicking and squealing. Amy and Wred were controlling the robot. They turned to go but a strong blue aura took over the robot. The robot was lifted off the ground and from inside the robot, the two rocket grunts turned to look at the ground, there stood a young boy, dressed in green, commanding a Kirlia. As they span around to look at the controls, they saw a spinning purple star coming towards them, as they squinted to identify it, it sped up and collided with the robot. An inaudible shout was heard from the ground and a powerful jet of high-pressured water pushed the robot back and into the sea. As the robot fell, the hand holding the Ampharos loosened and the pokémon jumped to the ground safely. Applause was slowly growing from a crowd that had gathered. Max and Misty gave each other a high-five to celebrate the victory. Prof. Oak smiled widely at them, but then a ring tone went off and the elderly man reached into his lab coat and brought out a cell phone. As he picked up the call, he beckoned for Max and Misty to come over. He told them, “This was just to stall us. We need to get to Mahogany right away.”
    __________________
    Last edited by shervin; 25th January 2008 at 9:19 PM.

  18. #68
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    Ok, I need to know if the PM List People still wanna be on the PM list, cos on the past three chapters only one person (Ayra) from the PM list has reviewed.

  19. #69

    Default

    I liked this chapter. Normally I don't review these things, but I want more writing, so I will. The sentences sometimes run a bit, but, other than that, I think you're doing a very nice job of it.
    FC: 3952 4058 8219
    ___________________________
    Proud owner of a legit movie Bidoof. Not for trading.

  20. #70
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    At work
    Posts
    613

    Default

    It definately was better. Keep up that good work!

    ~Ayra~
    "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevent, it is what you do with the gift of life, that determines who you are." -Mewtwo
    "The only thing we can be is ourselves, we can't be someone else, and someone else can't be us." -Kelly Smith
    3DS FC 1048-8196-8009
    Type:Flying
    Spearow, Woobat, Hawlucha
    ^Click to go to my Ribbon Sprites thread, in need of some ideas^
    Currently working on:
        Spoiler:- Ribbons I'm working on:
    [img]http://i44.*******.com/23t2pg8.png[/img]
    Credit to AWildMew for the Shinjoh Connection userbar

  21. #71
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    Thank you! <<nodds at reviewers>> Is it ok, if you could tell me exactly what was better?

Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •