Never fear, for this first chapter is only the beginning of the beginning. This chapter was basically a warmup to the real story, since I wanted to find a way to introduce Naruto and the others without getting into the details of the plot. It's basically a random episode. At least, at the beginning. You'll find out about the main plot starting next chapter...
Anyway, thanks, you guys, for the reviews.
It does? Ohhhhhhhh... I'll go change it then...
Originally Posted by Seijiro Mafuné
I know, and I did use ninja a few times. I'm just going to use a mixture. I've been planning on using ninja more already, but I will just throw in a few "shinobis" anyway.
Originally Posted by Yami Ryu
I get what you mean, though the most serious people of the show will have the biggest changes. And even then, most of them didn't really become out of character until certain circumstances occur. For instance, Sasuke kept his cool until he was in the ground. Still, I did noticed that Kakashi contradicted himself in the first chapter (wanting to wait for Naruto so he could start the mission and then leave at the end of the chapter). I mioght do something about that.
Anyways yeah you need help to get really funny, and not rely on cheap oocing and bad randomness.
Anyway, I'll start work on the second chapter soon, though I probably won't finish and post it until I finish and post Chapter 30 (?) of Yu-Gi-Oh! C (I made plenty of progress on that yesterday.)
EDIT: Happy Thanksgiving! I am so sorry for the delay. (Typical...) Anyway, here is the second chapter. I'll probably edit this later on. The preview will come soon.
Before I go on, there is something important to know.
A genin is the lowest ranking of a ninja. That’s what Naruto is in this story.
A chunin is a higher ranking of a ninja.
A jounin is even higher than that. Teachers like Kakashi are those.
A hokage is the ranking after that. He/She must be the strongest ninjas in the village.
Well… last time, you recall, we were introduced to Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi. Sasuke and Sakura were waiting for Kakashi and Naruto to come, and Kakashi, who happened to be under the ground Sasuke was standing on, pulled Sasuke down. Then Kakashi came out of the ground while bugs started to bite Sasuke’s (Uchiha) skin. Sakura fainted, and when Naruto finally showed up and noticed her, he fainted as well. Then, Kakashi… left.
Chapter 2- “Get Ready! Kakashi’s Newest Goal!”
It was still a beautiful sunny morning as Kakashi continued walking. With each step, he heard Sasuke Uchiha’s screams less and less. Kakashi sighed as he went on until he remembered something he once said to them.
“Those who do not follow the rules of being a ninja are scum,” he once told Naruto and the others, “but those who abandon their friends… are worse than scum.”
Kakashi remembered him saying that. It was his philosophy, and he ignored it! Thinking to himself, Kakashi stopped walking and paused to try and find some kind of loophole for what he did. While he was doing it, he started brushing off the dirt that was on him from hiding underground before.
Uhhhhh, he thought, wait a minute. They’re technically my students. After all, I do teach them and everything. Yeah, that’s it. Friends are more likely to be people my age. And, uh, the only reason I hang with them is because I have to teach them. I’m their teacher.
He giggled to himself and then sighed in relief as he finished his brushing off.
Yeah, I’m their teacher. There are lots of teachers in the world who have plenty of students. Take, Iruka-sensei of the ninja academy. He teaches tons of kids to become ninja, but does that mean his students are all his friends? I don’t think so! Yeah, so I’m fine.
Suddenly, a new thought popped in Kakashi’s head.
“Hey, you know what?” he said out loud. “I think I’ll go give him a little visit, that’s what I’ll do. But wait! What will I say if Iruka asks me how Naruto and the others are doing?”
He paused for a moment and thought. In the meantime, Sasuke was still screaming, but you could only hear him as much as you can hear the TV in the room next to you. (Depending on the volume… and whether or not there is a TV in the room next to you… and whether or not there is a room… okay, I’ll shut up.)
Kakashi got an idea. “Hey, I know!” he said and then imitated what he would say in response. “Uh, ‘Hey, Iruka, my man!’ Yeah, that’s it. ‘My students are on a mission, and I, uh, stopped back here for a bathroom break… No, I couldn’t use the bush… What? … Abandon my friends?! … No, Iruka, they’re my students, not necessarily my friends. My students, get it?’ Yeah, that’s what I’ll sa-“
Kakashi was so distracted by his own lies that he didn’t notice the wall ahead of him, and so he, well… crashed into it. He made contact smack dab in the middle of the beige wall of the Ninja Academy. It was here where Naruto Uzumaki learned how to become a ninja with the help of his old teacher Iruka.
“Ooooowwwwww…” moaned Kakashi as his figure stayed planted in the wall of which he was… planted in. He stood there for several minutes, and then slowly peeled off the wall and fell backward, into the ground with a loud SPLAT. Was this a ninja, or a pancake?
“Well if it isn’t my rival Kakashi…”
The pained Kakashi, whose eyes were closed, suddenly, uh… opened his eyes. Directly above him was the upside-down face of…
“Oh… it’s you, Guy-sensei,” Kakashi said. Yup, it was him all right.
It turned out that Guy standing right behind Kakashi’s head and looked down at him. This was why when Kakashi looked at him his head was facing upside-down. Now Guy-sensei wore an outfit similar to Kakashi’s. It was green like Kakashi’s as well. However, unlike Kakashi’s messy white hair, Guy-sensei has black hair, and it was bowl-shaped. Not really an afro, but… not too far behind that. Guy’s nose was bigger than Kakashi’s, and his eyebrows were DEFINITELY thicker than Kakashi’s. Guy’s current smile was definitely bigger than Kakashi’s, but that’s mainly because Kakashi wasn’t smiling. At least… I don’t think he was… it’s hard to tell with that mask he was wearing.
“Well,” said Kakashi, not wanting to have Guy see him in this position forever, “it was nice talking to ya. See you again sometime-“
“Now hold on a minute, Kakashi, I just got here,” Guy answered back, a little annoyed. Then he smiled again. “So… where are your students?”
Kakashi looked at him dead in the eye and wondered whether or not the “bathroom” excuse would be a good idea after all. “Uh… well…”
“Last time I checked, Lee and the gang were having a blast,” Guy said, talking about his teammates. “They had been doing so well on missions lately that I decided to give them the day off.”
This gave Kakashi an idea. “Um, uh, what a coincidence, “ said Kakashi in an overly dramatic voice. “I gave my students the day off too. They’re, uh, over at the… um… the mountain site with the Hokage’s faces on them. “
“But that’s where my students are right now,” said the confused Guy-sensei.
“Um… uh… no they aren’t,” Kakashi said in a fake tone.
“Kakashi, how can you tell me where my students are or aren’t?” Gai asked him.
“Ummm, uhhh,” said Kakashi as he formed an excuse, “…that’s… how… cool I am?”
Ironically, that response triggered something in Guy, causing him to give off a shocked expression. Basically, he was shocked. Then, he shook his fist. “Okay, Kakashi,” he shouted, angrily. “You may have won this round, but next time I’ll say something cooler than you! Because that’s what rivals like us do!”
“Fine by me,” said Kakashi, happy that Guy actually bought Kakashi’s pathetic excuse for a bluff. That’s just like Guy, he thought. Always trying to act cooler than me. But I think he won this time.
But back up, back up. I think there’s something worth explaining. See, about the mountain of the Hokages… they are a bunch of mountains in the Konoha village which have carved into them the faces of the former Hokages, or the rulers of the Konoha leaf village. It’s like Mt. Rushmore with the Hokage faces on them! Okay, back to the story.
“Anyway,” said Guy-sensei, “I’m gonna go for a walk. I think I know the perfect way to beat you. See you, Kakashi!”
He walked off, specifically in the direction that Kakashi came from. Kakashi, who was still hurting from the fall, realized what Guy was saying and slowly put his hands on the ground and lifted his upper body up from the ground. Then he pushed his hands down as he slowly stood up. Gasping, he turned to Guy and said, “Wait… what do you mean?”
Guy turned around. “Oh nothing… well… nothing new.”
Kakashi thought for a moment but was still confused. “What do you mean ‘nothing new’? What are you talking about?”
“What am I talking about?!” Guy said, shocked. “Man, Kakashi, where have you been?”
“I know where you’re going to be in a minute if you don’t tell me what I want to know, Guy,” Kakashi warned him. He slowly marched toward Guy. “Buried underground from when I totally KILL YOU!”
“Whoa, whoa, calm down, Kakashi,” Guy said, waving his hands in the air, and Kakashi stopped. “No, seriously, you really don’t know what’s going on?”
“FOR THE LAST TIME, GUY! TELL ME WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!” Kakashi yelled, pointing at him.
“Wait,” said Guy, making fun of the situation. “Does this mean that if I don’t tell you you’re going to stop asking me about it?”
“GUY-SENSEI,” shouted Kakashi, “IF YOU DON’T TELL ME THE INFORMATIVE INFORMATION THAT MUST BE INFORMED TO BY THE INFORMER, I AM GOING TO INVENT SOMETHING CALLED A BB GUN AND SHOOT YOU WITH IT!”
“Dang it, Kakashi, how could you not hear about this?” said Guy. “About the 4.5th Hokage!”
Kakashi calmed down again. “Who’s the 4.5th Hokage?”
“I don’t know,” Guy said, grinning while shrugging. “That’s what we’re all trying to find out!”
“Come again, Guy?” Kakashi said, scratching his noggin with his finger.
Guy-sensei gave a big sigh. “Kakashi, man, buddy, sensei, dude, hombre…”
“Hombre,” Guy continued, annoyed, “how in the world did you not know about this? The fourth Hokage is having a contest to see who will become the 4.5th Hokage!”
“Why the 4.5th Hokage?” said Kakashi. “And who’s eligible?”
“It’s a contest to see who will be Hokage for a week, just for fun,” Guy explained. “They will become the temporary ruler of Konoha. It’s a contest, dang it! A CONTEST!”
“Wait, so let me get this straight,” said Kakashi, his eyes half closed. “A contest?”
Guy-sensei turned red with anger and caused smoke to flow out of his ears. “YES! YES! YES! IT IS A CONTEST! IT IS A CONTEST! IT IS A CONTEST! IT IS A CONTEST! IT IS A CONTEST! IT… IS… A… CONTEST!”
Kakashi just watched.
“A CONTEST! YOU KNOW, A TEST OF CON!”
“Guy, I don’t think the word ‘con’ can be used in that context,” Kakashi said. “No pun intended with ‘context’, but I’m glad I said it!”
Guy-sensei started breathing heavily. “Okay… uhhh… any jounin of the village can enter the contest. This contest is basically handled like an election, which will take place in five days.”
“Well, I’m a jounin,” said Kakashi. “Do I have to fill out any kind of form to join?”
“Uh-huh,” answered Guy. “The Hokage said he’d give some to any candidates tomorrow. I intend to enter and win. My entire team has my support, especially my protégée of a student, Lee.”
“I see…” Kakashi said, thinking of Lee, a ninja who dressed up just like Guy and had a similar hairstyle and eyebrows.
“Well,” said Guy-sensei, turning back around, “I’ll be seeing you.”
“Bye then,” mentioned Kakashi, and Guy walked on.
Well, for a few seconds- then he turned around again. “Oh, and Kakashi?”
“Uh, you do realize there’s a poster of the competition on the wall, right?”
Kakashi looked at the wall and first noticed a giant mark in his shape on it where he ran into it. To the right of it was a big, white poster which said on the bottom in dark, big letters,
“WHO WILL BE THE 4.5TH HOKAGE?!
FIND OUT SOON! ALL JOUNIN ARE ABLE TO ENTER THE CONTEST!”
Kakashi also saw the date of the election, which was exactly when Guy said it would be. “Aw, man…” he said. “How in the world could I miss the poster? And what am I gonna do about that mark? What do you think, Guy-sensei?”
He turned back around and noticed that in place of Guy-sensei was a great big pile of… air…
“Guy-sensei? Guy-sensei!” said Kakashi, scratching his head. Then he thought aloud. “Hmm… he’s gone… oh well…”
Suddenly, his eyes widened as he had an interesting yet frightening thought.
Wait a minute, he thought. I bet more people would elect me if they noticed me doing some very heroic things. Sure, I’m pretty well known already, but now I’ll have to take things to the extreme. Plus, what’ll happen if anyone discovers how Naruto and the others are right now? If they do, they’ll think I’m a bad teacher!
“I’ve gotta save them! I’d better hurry!” Kakashi said. “Sasuke’s screaming would increase their chances of being discovered anyway!”
With that, he started sprinting, mainly because the motivation of saving his reputation somehow gave him the strength to do such thing. (The power of utter stupidity!)
“Don’t worry, kids! I’m coming to saaaaaave yooooouuuu!” Kakashi screamed. While he was running, he didn’t seem to notice that he couldn’t hear Sasuke’s screams even though he was going in the right direction…
With one leap, Kakashi jumped over the final bushes blocking the path to his destination. When he finally reached it, he noticed something very shocking. First, Naruto and Sakura were conscious, standing up as if nothing had happened. The second thing was who they were looking at. Sasuke was brushing himself off with Guy-sensei right beside him. Sasuke was standing like his teammates! Besides the two of them was the hole that Sasuke used to be stuck in.
“Are you okay, Sasuke?” Guy-sensei asked him.
“Yeah, I think so…” said Sasuke as he finished brushing off the dirt and then looked at him. “Thank you, Guy-sensei.”
“No problem, Sasuke,” Guy answered, grinning. “And it’s a good thing those bugs are gone, too.”
Sakura, who had a crush on Sasuke, exclaimed, “Yeah! Sasuke! You’re okay!”
“Yeah!” Naruto said as he casually turned around and then noticed his teacher. Pointing, he then said, “Hey, it’s Kakashi-sensei!”
Everyone turned around to see Kakashi staring at them. The three genin ninjas glared at their sensei, thinking about what happened earlier.
Kakashi, who was speechless, started waving his hands and saying, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOOOOOAH! What is going on here?”
Guy continued to grin as he replied, “I was walking and walking when I heard some screaming. I ran over to see what it was and found out it was Sasuke. I pulled him out of the ground that he was stuck in. Then while he was brushing himself off, I went over to Naruto and Sakura and pushed on their chests until they breathed again. I was very close to using CPR on the two of them. Anyway, when they were awake I went back to Sasuke and scared any other nearby bugs away. Pretty cool, huh” His smile then turned into a frown. “But you know, Kakashi, this doesn’t look like the Hokage mountain site place to me. All I see are a bunch of trees and… trees.”
Beads of sweat began to appear on Kakashi’s face as he said, “Did I say I took them there?”
“Yes, you did,” Guy-sensei said, firmly.
“Well…” Kakashi said, looking down for a minute to avoid any visual confrontation, “I didn’t know that they left that place and came here.” He then looked up again. “Sasuke, what have I told you about playing in the dirt?”
“Dang it, Kakashi!” shouted Sasuke as he pointed at him. “Don’t play dumb with us! You pulled me down!”
“Pulled you down?!” Kakashi said, dumbly. “Look at myself. I couldn’t pull you down unless I was already in the ground already, and if I did that, then why don’t I have any dirt on me from being in the ground?”
“You must have brushed it off,” Sasuke said, angrily.
“Brushed it off?!” said Kakashi. He then looked at Guy-sensei. “Kids these days. It’s hard to tell where they get these kinds of ideas.”
“I’ll tell you where,” said Naruto. “From real life. Look at your hair, sensei!”
Sakura walked up to Kakashi and said, “Lean your head forward, sensei. There’s something in your hair.”
“My hair?!” Kakashi said, confused once again. He then realized there was something in it. My hair! he cried in thought. I didn’t finish brushing all the dirt out of my hair!
“Sensei,” Sakura said, frustrated.
Kakashi nervously said, “There’s nothing in my hair- OHH!”
Sakura leaped up and clutched her sensei’s hair, slowly pulling out some brown dirt from it. Everyone gasped.
“Aha!” Sasuke cried out. “That’s proof! Why else would dirt be in your hair?”
Kakashi blinked, dumbly. “Um, uh, because I’m cool enough for there to be?”
Guy-sensei’s eyes widened and was shocked at this statement. “Kakashi-sensei, you’ve done it again!” he said. “All right, that’s it, I’m outta here! You cool person, you!”
He turned around and walked away as everyone stared at him. Then the three genin turned back to the other jounin.
“All right, sensei, what’s up?” said Sakura. “Why are you doing this?”
“Yeah, man,” said Naruto. “Why didn’t you just do the noble thing and ‘fess up?”
Kakashi watched Sasuke and Naruto move closer to Sakura. “Because,” he whispered, “I didn’t want to let Guy-sensei know that I did this to you. It would ruin my wonderful reputation.”
“Well you should’ve thought of that in the first place, Kakashi,” Sakura advised him.
He responded in a regular tone of voice, “But I didn’t know that they were having a contest for who would be-“
“-The 4.5th Hokage?” the three of them said at the same time.
Kakashi’s eyes widened at them. “You all knew that? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why didn’t you know?” was Naruto’s comeback.
“I don’t know!” Kakashi said. “Anyway… I’m running and I need some assistance in my campaign. So, will you help me?”
Sasuke took one further step at him and looked into his eyes with a firm stare. Kakashi was starting back at him, wondering what the boy would do next.
“So let me get this straight,” Sasuke began. “You pull me underground for the billionth time, and then you want me to pretend like none of that stuff ever happened and help you become temporary ruler of this entire area because you can’t do it yourself?”
Kakashi thought for a moment and then said without any further hesitation, “Yes.”
Sasuke put his hands into his pockets, turned around, and started walking away. “I don’t wanna do it.”
Sakura turned around and followed him, saying, “I don’t wanna do it if Sasuke doesn’t wanna do it.”
“And I don’t wanna do it if Sakura doesn’t wanna do it,” Naruto said, following her.
“See you around, sensei!” they cried.
“Wait!” the sensei shouted back, but they ignored him.
Aw man, he thought. I should’ve made their assistance count as some kind of highly ranked ninja mission…
Suddenly, he heard footsteps and noticed that Naruto was coming back. Still with a frown, the boy said, “Hey sensei, if I help you out…”
With those words, Kakashi gave out a big smile (you could tell even with the mask on him).
“… could you make me be some kind of assistant Hokage?”
His smile turned into a frown as he cried, “What? Naruto, I can’t believe you!”
Naruto got angry. “What, what’s wrong?”
“You know what’s wrong, boy!” Kakashi yelled and pointed at him.
“WHAT’S WRONG WITH ASKING FOR A RETURN AFTER WHAT YOU’VE DONE?”
“Eh, what have I done to you?”
“YOU MADE ME FAINT!”
“So? You’re just using me for your own selfish ambitions!”
“WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING, SENSEI?”
“Well two wrongs don’t make a right!”
“ONE WRONG DOESN’T MAKE A RIGHT!”
“AND THAT ONE WRONG IS GOING TO INCREASE TO TWO!” Naruto exclaimed, waving his hands. “IF A JOUNIN HAS GENIN, THEY CAN’T HELP HIM WIN THE COMPETITION!”
“THAT’S THE RULE!”
“Again I say, so?” said Kakashi.
“YOUR OWN POLICY IS THAT THOSE WHO DON’T FOLLOW THE RULES ARE SCUM!”
“But I’ve also always said that those who abandoned their friends are worse than scum!” Kakashi pointed out. “And I’m your friend. Which would you rather be- scum, or worse than scum?
“But… we’re your friends, too, and you abandoned us!”
“Students are not friends,” Kakashi explained. “They’re just students.”
“So that’s what you think of us!” exclaimed the shocked Naruto. Then he thought for a moment. “Wait… is this some kind of stupid loophole you made up just so you could get away with denying that you were breaking your own rule?”
“Uh… no,” Kakashi said, sweating again. “B-b-but… you’ll still be abandoning me as a friend.”
“Aha!” exclaimed Naruto, smiling. “I’ll just fight loophole with loophole. You’ve said that those who abandoned their friends are worse than scum!”
“But you’re just one person, meaning that you’re just my friend, not my friends!”
Kakashi put his hand over his face and looked down. “Oh my goooosh… Naruto… that is by far the stupidest loophole I have ever heard.”
“Then you should listen to yourself more often,” retorted Naruto. “Well… who said that you were even my friend? If teachers don’t have to consider students friends, then students shouldn’t consider teachers to be their friends! Teachers always say that they’re not here to be our friends.”
“Ugh,” said Kakashi.
“So how do you like them apples, sensei?” Naruto cried.
“Uh, I like them boiled,” he answered back.
“Never mind. Listen, Naruto,” he said. “You have to help me-“
“MAKE ME HOKAGE!”
“I thought you wanted to be the Hokage’s assistant?!”
“WELL I CHANGED MY MIND! I WANNA BE HOKAGE SO THAT EVERYONE’LL BE ABLE TO SEE HOW GREAT I AM SO THAT I CAN BE THE HOKAGE FOR GOOD! THAT’S MY DREAM, SENSEI!”
“But genin can’t enter!”
“MAKE ME HOKAGE WHEN YOU ARE HOKAGE!”
“No way. In fact, am I even allowed to make you the assistant Hokage?“
“Well, technically, the rules state that it is allowed if a teacher has a willing genin,” mentioned Naruto, “and I’m willing, I’m a genin, and I’m a willing genin.”
“Your mom’s a willing genin.”
“Sorry, I couldn’t resist that one,” Kakashi said. “Anyway… I am definitely not making you the main Hokage.”
“Fine,” said Naruto. “Then make me the assistant.”
“Make up your mind, Naruto.”
“But you said-“
“Forget what I said.”
“Then I’ll forget what you said about you not letting me be assistant Hokage!” Naruto exclaimed, pointing at him.
“Ha!” said Kakashi. “You can’t say that because in order for you to forget what I said, you’d have to forget what I said about forgetting what I said! I win!”
“But then how could I forget about forgetting what you said about forgetting… oh, never mind, sensei, forget it. Just make me assistant Hokage!”
“MAKE ME ASSISTANT HOKAGE!” Naruto cried jabbing his right fist directly into Kakashi’s stomach.
“Oof!” Kakashi cried as his eyes widened. Naruto put his fist down while Kakashi clutched his stomach and walked back while wincing. “Naru… to…”
“What’s the matter?” said Naruto. “C’mon, Kakashi, I thought you were stronger than that!”
“You just caught me by surprise,” said Kakashi.
“Well let’s fight, sensei!” said Naruto. “Words will not solve anything. C’mon, put ‘em up! Put ‘em up! Put ‘em up!” He started jumping and hoping up and down. “You should always expect the unexpected!”
Kakashi let go of his stomach and said, “Oh, oh yeah? Well unexpect this!”
He then lunged at Naruto and tackled him to the ground. “AAAAUGH!” he cried as Kakashi flipped him over so he landed on his stomach.
He then sat on his back, facing Naruto’s legs, and he took his right hand and slapped Naruto’s little tushy over and over again. “You will help me! You will! You will! You will!”
“AAUGH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!” Naruto cried in pain as Kakashi continued spanking him.
“SAY IT! SAY THAT YOU WILL HELP ME! C’MON, SAY IT, YOU IDIOT! SAY IT! SAAAAAAY IIIIIIT!” Kakashi screamed at Naruto.
“Seeeeenseeeeeeiiiiii!” Naruto wailed.
SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! Kakashi continued hurting and yelling at Naruto. “SAY IT! C’MON, BOY! SAY IT! YOU WILL HELP ME! SAY IT! C’MON, BOY! BOY! BOY!? BOY!? BOY!?”
“Okay! Ow! I will help you! Ow!” was Naruto’s reply.
Suddenly, Kakashi turned calm again and got off of Naruto’s back. “Okay, then,” he said, peacefully. “I can’t wait. You won’t regret this, Naruto.”
“Uggggggh,” sajd Naruto. “Geeeee…”
A candidate who pulls people underground. A candidate who abandons his students. A candidate who bumps into walls. A candidate who thinks of stupid loopholes. A candidate who spanks people. Is this the kind of candidate you want to become the 4.5th Hokage? Will he become the 4.5th Hokage? Only time and chapters will tell. See you next time!
Oh, and so much for a visit to Iruka-sensei...
By the way, I'm not supposed to spell "jounin" like that am I?