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Thread: Fields of Fire(pokeshipping,pg13)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    25

    Default Fields of Fire(pokeshipping,pg13)

    This is my first fic, but i expect brutally honest reviews.
    Teams:
    Ash:Pikachu,Houndoom,Charizard,Beedrill,Corphish

    Introduction-Rise of a Warrior

    Ash Ketchum is a 13 year old pokemon trainer, he has messy black hair which he hides under his red cap and hes now wearing a black shirt, a red jacket, red pants, and red shoes. He is currently traveling alone and has gotten stronger since he begun his journey.
    Ash was walking through a dark forest with his Pikachu on his shoulder. He is looking for a ghost pokemon to catch and add to his team, but due to his poor navigation skills he got lost. He heard a girl scream "Help!" about three times, so he went to check it out. When he found the source of the screams he saw a 14 year old girl with red hair and a corsola being attacked by three Haunters. The girl and her corsola would eventualy be overwhelmed, so Ash decided to join in the fray.

    To be continued...

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    New York City
    Posts
    969

    Default

    Well that's sort of a rought start on a fic, I would suggest writing alittle longer than a paragraph but it's a good start =], make sure to delete the other two topics you made lol
    Pokeshipper
    (n.): Because we don't forget 5five
    seasons, 4four cameos, 3three supporters,
    2two gifts, and 1one departure worth of emotions.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    25

    Default

    hehe, um.. how do i delete threads?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    184

    Default

    I decided to repost this as you were deleting the other two. Hmmm....its not amazing. I think you should have added more description to it. like more about the forest. and The sentences are quite short, some of them could have been merged together. but don't be discouraged. I hope the rest of your fic goes well! I'll be looking forward to reading more.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Florida.
    Posts
    161

    Default

    That...was short. Sorry, but it's true. You might want some more description...



    Quote Originally Posted by penguinman View Post

    Ash Ketchum is a 13 year old pokemon trainer, he has messy black hair which he hides under his red cap and hes now wearing a black shirt, a red jacket, red pants, and red shoes. He is currently traveling alone and has gotten stronger since he begun his journey.
    ...But don't overdo it. You mashed together all of these things about Ash that you could have told progressively throughout the fic.

    This story has some potential. I bet with some decription it could be really good! Good luck!
    whoa man.
    russia. calm. chess.
    people. noise. sour.

    hate blue. love pink. not really.
    oh btw, ♥ team stephen king.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    the Reverse World
    Posts
    4,001

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    Rule breaking -.- Make it longer...A LOT longer -.- *closes*
    Encyclopika's Fic of the Moment:

    Status: Chaptered | R | Contestshipping | Finished

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