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Thread: By the Beach. (CS Oneshot PG-13)

  1. #1
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    Default By the Beach. (CS Oneshot PG-13)

    This is my first CS fic and my first one shot. It is short, only just over 2 and a half pages of word or so but I hope you like it. This was actually written for Hullo cos she/he wanted a fic as a cookie for solving my riddle in another fic. But enough of that, on with the fic!

    Rating: PG-13 for safty.

    By the Beach

    The beach was beautiful this time of year. Warm waves lapped gently at the shore as the water sparkled and reflected the dying sun as it sank into the water on the horizon. Taking in a deep breath, she inhaled the warm scent of the sea and hurriedly bent down to remove her shoes and socks, wiggling her toes into the sand that was still warm from the sun’s rays.

    Walking to the shore, she allowed her silky brown hair to float freely behind her in the soft breeze. Her bandana had been discarded a few months ago, given to a young coordinator in her first contest after losing to this young woman in the final stage of her first contest. Since then she had travelled the region and won the necessary eight ribbons to take place in the Grand Festival. Behind her, a party to open the festival was well underway yet she had no great desire to attend. He wasn’t there.

    Throughout her solitary journey through the region, he had always appeared at every contest she had entered. Sometimes as a competitor, other times she just caught him in the crowd, vanishing once she was free. He was there if she won them, or even if she lost them with either a compliment in some form or yet another criticism of her skills as a coordinator.

    Following the water line, she allowed the water to lick around her toes while walking further from the party. Soon all noise vanished into the night air to be completely replaced by the gentle lapping of the waves on the shore. A figure with hair that flopped over his eyes was standing further up the beach just in the water, his shoes and socks abandoned in the sand away from the water.

    Standing next to the mysterious person she also stared into the sunset. “I didn’t think you’d come.” She said in a quiet voice, throwing a glance at the man beside her.

    “Where did you get that idea?” he replied, flicking his hair in self confidence.

    “Well, it’s just you weren’t at the party so I thought…” her voice tailed off into the darkness, comforted by the thought that the darkness could hide the blush that rose to her face.

    “You should know by now that parties aren’t really my thing.” He smirked, “How many years have we known each other? Five, six years?”

    “Six years, two months and three weeks.” She automatically replied. Her eyes widened and her face turned a brighter red and she turned away from him. How could she have slipped? Cursing herself she remained facing away from him in the hope he wouldn’t notice how accurate her answer had been.

    He remained motionless and silent for a few moments while staring at the sky as it darkened and the first stars began to appear and sparkle on their black background. “I think you’ll find it's closer to six years, two months, three weeks and two days since we met. You’re getting a little off.”

    This being the last response she had expected, she turned to face him again, her large sapphire eyes large with wonder as they reflected the pin pricks of light in the sky. He too turned to face her, flicking his wrist elegantly and producing a beautiful red rose with all the thorns removed. Gently taking it from his hand and into hers, she closed her eyes and inhaled the sweet scent. Opening her eyes again to take him in she gave him a wry smile and said, “So, is this for Beautifly as well?”

    “No, this is for you. They were always for you.” He softly replied, so soft she had to strain her ears to hear. Gazing into each others eyes, time stood still before he flicked his hair once more and walked away from her up the beach.

    She took a moment to compose herself and process what had just been said. Feeling the colour rise to her face she took another sniff of the beautiful rose in her hand and followed him up the beach, sitting down next to him in the soft, warm sand. The two allowed the silence to accumulate between them while they sank into their own realms of thought.

    Frowning for a moment, she looked at him and asked “How do you know how long it was that we met?” She was almost accusing him of daring to suggest that he was more accurate in his answer than she. Everyday that went past was another she had known of his existence and another day that had passed for her feelings to deepen.

    He continued staring at the sand in front of him and slowly answered, “How could I not know how long it was since I met the person who means the most to me.” He faced her again to read the shock that was all too evident in her eyes. Giving her a small smile, he turned away to face the stars and allow her some time to bring her red face back to its normal shade.

    “Thank you…” she said softly, twirling the beautiful rose in her hand once more and inhaling its sweet scent. A gentle breeze caressed the two and she let out an involuntary shiver at the cold invasion. Watching her out of the corner of his eye, he saw her begin to rub her gloved hands over her bare arms, slowly at first and then a little faster to warm herself up. Without much need for thought, he removed his pale purple jacket and gently placed it over her shoulders. She stopped rubbing her arms when she felt the slightly rough but well work jacket fall over her shoulders. Turning her head, she looked him straight in the eye, placing her hand over his to clutch the jacket closer around her. Caught in a trance, her words of thanks could barely be heard over the loud thumping of their beating hearts.

    Turning his head away, the young man sat on the sand again, this time a little closer to the young woman beside him. “It’s strange,” she began, her voice still barely rising over a whisper, “how you can feel one way about someone one moment, yet completely different about them the next.”

    “For example?” he responded, turning slightly to watch her pale skin and brown hair reflected by the moon.

    “Well, there is someone I know…or thought I knew…” she began, “and they would treat me with contempt, ready to criticise me at any given time with only the need of a hint of an example to begin. Yet, other times they’re able to come to my aid in the times that I needed that person the most. I used to think they hated me and just saw me as another rival until the compliments began to outweigh the insults, not only in volume but also in strength.” She paused for a moment to glance and the young man beside her who hadn’t taken his eyes from her face since she had begun before returning her gaze straight ahead of her into the ocean. “And every so often, they’re able to surprise me once more with a gift or something that leaves me questioning my own feelings towards them. And every time I think of them I begin to like them even more…almost…love them I think. Just for being them.”

    The silence hung between them for a few moments longer as they listened to the gentle swish and murmur of the waves on the sand below them and the sounds of the nocturnal pokemon beginning to wake up and call out to their day time before going about their own business. “So, who is this person you mean?” the green haired young man ventured to ask, wishing for the answer he had anticipated over the last few years.

    With a soft sigh she replied while still lost in the horizon, “You…”. She could feel the man sitting next to her shifting his weight as his left hand reached up to brush her brown hair away from her face and behind her ear, making her turn and become instantly lost in the beautiful emerald pools of his eyes. Locked together with his hand gently resting on her neck and just below her ear the distance between them began to narrow. Before their lips made contact, their eyes slid shut at the same moment as they both relished the feeling of the others lips resting upon their own. The moment of that first bold move of contact lasted an eternity for the pair of them as her hand fell from clutching the jacket around her to land on the sand between them to support her weight as she moved closer towards him. Her left arm also left the jacket and it hung, forgotten on her shoulders as her hand placed itself on his upper arm before working its way up for the fingers to interlock within his hair. Their first kiss lengthened and neither wished for it to end as they wanted more at the same time, welcoming the other’s tongue into their mouth while their senses jingled and reverberated around their bodies, letting their spirits soar in a fashion neither had experienced, nor had ever expected to experience before.

    Slowly, their moment of contact began to lose its vigour as they each decided that now was the right time to put a cap on the thrilling ride. As their lips parted, their heads remained close together, their foreheads resting upon the other while their noses kept the contact going. Gently pulling away to look at the other, the young man murmured “I love you…and I always will. Whatever happens, and whatever comes between us, I will always love you.”

    Her heart melted completely and utterly at his words, words she had craved to hear for at least a few years but had only realised this was the key to filling that empty space in her heart. She could feel the tears of joy forming in her eyes and she dropped her gaze to the ground again, closing her eyes tightly as a few tiny drops fell from her eyes to create dark spots on the golden sand. Frowning slightly, the young man placed his hand beneath her chin, gently raising her face to be able to stare straight into her beautiful sapphire eyes as they shone with the unshed tears of joy. She smiled slightly to see the concern evident on his puzzled face and whispered, “You have no idea how long I have waited for this moment and for you to say it. I love you too…more now than ever…thank you…”

    With an understanding that came from the sheer power of their love, the young man and the young woman allowed their lips to meet again in the first of their displays of affection, since admitting to the other how they truly felt. This was only to be the very first of the multitude that would occur in the future.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I really hope you liked it and I would love to have some reviews!
    Thank you!
    Esperon
    Last edited by Esperon; 11th December 2006 at 4:00 PM. Reason: Tweaking...

  2. #2

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    Whoa. Wayyy descriptive! Love it!

    Following the water line, she walked allowed the water to lick around her toes while walking further from the party.
    Maybe you could change that to "allowing".

    Only mistake I saw, very good for your first CS fic! You caught their personalities just right!

    ~MK

  3. #3
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    Aww thank you ^^ Shall change now so others can enjoy it...I was so hopeful there would be nothing there that needed corrections, but I did finish at 1am...
    Thank you
    Esperon

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Esperon View Post
    Aww thank you ^^ Shall change now so others can enjoy it...I was so hopeful there would be nothing there that needed corrections, but I did finish at 1am...
    Thank you
    Esperon
    It was the only mistake, and this is a very good CS fic. I just love it.

    ~MK

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    Quote Originally Posted by Esperon View Post
    How many years have we known each other? 5, 6 years?”

    “6 years, two months and three weeks” she automatically replied.
    I think that you should say "Five, six years" instead of using numerals. After all, you do use words for the months and weeks.
    I don't really have much of a problem with this, but english teachers do. >_>

    Quote Originally Posted by Esperon View Post
    “I think you’ll find its closer to 6 years, two months, three weeks and two days since we met. You’re getting a little off.”
    The numeral thing again. Also, "its" should be "it's"

    Quote Originally Posted by Esperon View Post
    Frowning for a moment, she looked at him and asked “How do you know how long it was that we met?” she was almost accusing him of daring to suggest that he was more accurate in his answer than she.
    "she was almost accusing him..." --> "she" should be capitalized.

    Quote Originally Posted by Esperon View Post
    “how you can feel one way about a someone one moment, yet completely different about them the next.”
    "about a someone" --> I think taking out the "a" would sound better. If you don't think so, don't change it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Esperon View Post
    I used to think they hated me and just saw me as another rival until the complements began to outweigh the insults, not only in volume but also in strength.
    Spelling error: "complements" should be "compliments"

    Quote Originally Posted by Esperon View Post
    “So who is this, person you mean?”
    I think you should take out the comma.

    that's all.... yesh, i'm a grammar freak. lolz.

    and also...

    Quote Originally Posted by Esperon View Post
    Since then she had travelled the region and won the necessary eight ribbons to take place in the Grand Festival.
    Usually, it's only five ribbons. But unless this is something new for your story, then it's fine by me

    okay. my favourite shippy mushy quote of this story:
    Quote Originally Posted by Esperon View Post
    He continued staring at the sand in front of him and slowly answered, “How could I not know how long it was since I met the person who means the most to me.”
    SHIPPY SHIPPY! loved it and almost squealed. lolz.

    I really like this one-shot. It's better than my first one-shot (so bleh. lolz).
    It's really descriptive, it totally shamed my vocabulary, very emotional and touching, and just plain fabulous.

    You are a really great author and I look forward to reading your other stories! (your pokeshipping fic has so many chapters right now... and i'm so dead from homework, so yea.... I'm sure I'll eventually come around to reading it. lolz)


    click on my banner to go to my CS fic! (no flames!)

  6. #6
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    Are you an English teacher? Just you picked up bits I thought were kinda obscure and I checked it so many times. i'm horrified there are that many! I so hoped I'd left all that behind a few years ago when I gave up English!

    Meh, I agree with you on the numbers...*changes*

    Errr you seem to be better with the its and it's, just good old word can't stand the apostrophe when it's associated with it and s. Even when it should be used...rather annoying...and that is one where you're right...*changes*

    The she bit...another thing I always got confused with was whether to capatalise bits and pieces when concerned with quotes. meh...*changes*

    Yeah, that bit was going to be: how can you feel one way about someone or a something and...blah blah blah. I changed it but not fully...thanx *changes*

    Word wasn't bothered by my complements, but my dad agrees with you...*changes*

    The eight ribbons came from a different region, contests only with no gyms. I did have contesta mentioned, but so many other people use it and stuff, it was easier to remove it cos it wasn't an important part to the story line!

    And I'm glad you liked it! ^^

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    Quote Originally Posted by Esperon View Post
    Are you an English teacher? Just you picked up bits I thought were kinda obscure and I checked it so many times. i'm horrified there are that many! I so hoped I'd left all that behind a few years ago when I gave up English!

    Meh, I agree with you on the numbers...*changes*

    Errr you seem to be better with the its and it's, just good old word can't stand the apostrophe when it's associated with it and s. Even when it should be used...rather annoying...and that is one where you're right...*changes*

    The she bit...another thing I always got confused with was whether to capatalise bits and pieces when concerned with quotes. meh...*changes*

    Yeah, that bit was going to be: how can you feel one way about someone or a something and...blah blah blah. I changed it but not fully...thanx *changes*

    Word wasn't bothered by my complements, but my dad agrees with you...*changes*

    The eight ribbons came from a different region, contests only with no gyms. I did have contesta mentioned, but so many other people use it and stuff, it was easier to remove it cos it wasn't an important part to the story line!

    And I'm glad you liked it! ^^

    nope. i'm not an english teacher. i'm just a grammar freak. some of my friends have such horrible grammar, it makes me choke. lolz. your story wasn't horrific in terms of grammar either. very minor. lolz.

    i hate microsoft word. It thinks that Drew or Drew's isn't a word! BLASHPHEMOUS! lolz. and it thinks that unreactive isn't a word and it should be uncreative o_O?

    so weird. anyways, great job on the story like i said before!


    click on my banner to go to my CS fic! (no flames!)

  8. #8

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    Hiii!! Sorry I took so long to review, I haven't been able to get on. x_X But I'm here now!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Esperon View Post
    Behind her, a party to open the festival was well underway yet she had no great desire to attend. He wasn’t there.
    I liked that line! ^^ He wasn't there.... the perfect reason not to go! Besides, if she had gone, then she wouldn't have met him at the beach. Then we'd have no story!

    Quote Originally Posted by Esperon View Post
    Slowly, their moment of contact began to lose its vigour as they each decided that now was the right time to put a cap on the thrilling ride. As their lips parted, their heads remained close together, their foreheads resting upon the other while their noses kept the contact going. Gently pulling away to look at the other, the young man murmured “I love you…and I always will. Whatever happens, and whatever comes between us, I will always love you.”
    Waaah!!! *breaks into fitful sobs* That was so great! And shippy! There's so much beauty... in the world... ;_;

    Quote Originally Posted by Esperon View Post
    “You have no idea how long I have waited for this moment and for you to say it. I love you too…more now that ever…thank you…”
    Well of course you do! =D Also, that-->than.

    Quote Originally Posted by Esperon View Post
    “I didn’t think you’d come” she said in a quiet voice, throwing a glance at the man beside her.



    “Six years, two months and three weeks” she automatically replied.
    Both of these need some ending punctuation.



    I'm glad I got this as my cookie!! It was so worth it! xD The whole story had a calm and emotional feeling to it. And a wonderful shippeh ending! The emotional bit is quite useful in a shipping fic. =P Hooray for Esperon's great writing style! ^^

    And now I'm off to read the next part of your Pokeshipping fic!!


    Oh yesh, to the introduction for your fic: she. Who woulda thunk it? xD


    ~~Awesomeness~~

  9. #9
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    Woah. You had the personalities SPOT ON. No annoying OOCness (Yes, I'm a Hypocrite. All of my characters are majorly OOC xD). The descriptions were nice, and for a first fic, this was great. I usually don't read oneshots, but as you've been a pretty cool reviewer of my story, I'm like why not... it is contestshipping after all. This was totally worth reading for me, it's going on my favourites list *Remembers that she's not on fanfiction.net* <== xD. I'm starting up a favorites list anyway >=3.
    #spp chat staff; drews_girl kintana tenten mello akemi karin && pm chat complaints please.
    fantastic pair \\ epic twin
    i do the #spp nightshift. [x] couldn't do it alone [x] thanks guys <3 [/CENTER]

    Banner > 46800 pixels so it was ~removed~! Read the signature rules.

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    Hullo - I'm really glad you liked it, rather annoyed there are still errors but I will sort them *changes* so that others who get annoyed byt grammar and stuff won't be and will be able to enjoy the story instead!

    Growlie! - You should read oneshots. means you don't have to hang about for the next chapter all the time!! And who said I'm not on FF.net? I started writing to go on The Pokemon Tower and there was already an Espeon, then I got this account, mispelled the name when signing up...very stupid I know...so not to get confused and stuff I'm Esperon Hearts on FF.net and The Pokemon Tower. However, fic updates are a priority on here cos I can update without having to upload a saved file, can't do that at school during the week! But I'm going through all the chapters in my pokeshipping fic before posting it properly on FF.net! So yeah...
    I'm so glad you've made this one of your favourites ^^

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    xD. By "Not on FF.net" I meant that I was reading this story here, not on FF.net xD. I like oneshots, it's just that they're not as easy to find... it isn't like I hate them or anything . Yeah, I like to update here first too... I have an account on FF.net, as Ariados, but I like to update here first... I don't know why... it's probably because the feedback is a lot simpler. Besides, Esperon sounds pretty cool, even if it was misspelt xD. Anyway, Great Story =D. I'm off to read your other fic. I usually despise Pokeshipping, but you're such a great writer... it will be cool, I know it >=3.
    #spp chat staff; drews_girl kintana tenten mello akemi karin && pm chat complaints please.
    fantastic pair \\ epic twin
    i do the #spp nightshift. [x] couldn't do it alone [x] thanks guys <3 [/CENTER]

    Banner > 46800 pixels so it was ~removed~! Read the signature rules.

  12. #12
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    This fic, as well as my other fic, The Beginning of a New End (up to chap 12 i think) are now on FF.net. This one got 2 reviews after being up for like an hour!

  13. #13
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    I love your one-shot CS fan-fiction! You did a wonderful job! ^^ I enjoyed reading it, your writing is very well done! ^^

  14. #14
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    Once again Esperon, you have produced a purely beautiful fan fiction. The exquistite detail added more realism to the story. Now for quotes:

    He remained motionless and silent for a few moments while staring at the sky as it darkened and the first stars began to appear and sparkle on their black background. “I think you’ll find it's closer to six years, two months, three weeks and two days since we met. You’re getting a little off.”
    I loved that part. It was brilliance to add in something so unexpected like that, especially from a person like Drew

    “No, this is for you. They were always for you.” He softly replied, so soft she had to strain her ears to hear. Gazing into each others eyes, time stood still before he flicked his hair once more and walked away from her up the beach.
    Oh how I LOVE the cuteness! I wish Drew would admit it already in the anime that the roses have always been for her.

    With an understanding that came from the sheer power of their love, the young man and the young woman allowed their lips to meet again in the first of their displays of affection, since admitting to the other how they truly felt. This was only to be the very first of the multitude that would occur in the future.
    What a lovely, fitting, extremely well-written ending. It is lovely that you showed that they will be together forever Oh I love it

    Thank you for telling me about this fantastic fanfic! I love it as much as your christmas one, though maybe the christmas one a little bit more seeing as it is...um...christmas lol.

    ~ CuteDrew667 ~
    xoxo

    Samantha Jane
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