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Thread: Never Again

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    Default Never Again

    Never Again

    This is a contestshipping fic. It's placed after the Advanced saga when Haruka/May and the gang of coordinators went to Johto. I tried to avoid OOCness in this chapter but I'm not sure if I was successful. I hope that you guys enjoy!

    I'll give it a PG-13 rating just for safety.

    ---------
    Chapter 1-Remorse

    A young man walked on the beaten path with hope for the contests that would soon be starting in the beautiful region of Johto. A small grin trickled across his face as he thought of his rivals that he was looking foreword to seeing in these competitions. This forced a question to run through his mind. Did she come? A short question but this girl seemed to motivate him to want to prove himself. It meant the world to him that she entered. Her determination was admirable to say the least. As the thoughts of her flooded through his mind, he felt a light blush brush across his cheeks.

    Then he saw her, she was at a distance laying in the shade of the many trees at the paths side. He contained his joy as he walked slowly in her direction in hopes that she would notice him so that it wouldn't seem as though he went out of his way to see her. The smirk that was still on his face grew as he chuckled to himself as he thought that the young lady should be practicing instead of resting. With a flick of his hair, He continued up the path and tried his hardest to keep up the charade that he didn’t notice her. Suddenly a shiver ran up and down his spine as his warm smile quickly faded into a look of sheer terror.

    “Haruka! Haruuuka!!” He yelled to no avail as he ran as fast as he could toward her unmoving body. Her once faultless clothing were now all tattered and blood soaked and her soft brown hair was a mess. It seemed like an eternity before the panic stricken young man reached Haruka. Afraid that he might be too late he put his hand on her stomach to feel for it to move to prove that her life could still be saved. He felt a some slight movement but it could have just been his hand trembling out of fear of what the answer to his question would be.

    The light violet jacket that he was adorning was stripped off quickly and torn into long thin strips. Wrapping her wounds with it should have slowed the bleeding but the fabric was too thin so without hesitation he ripped off the sleeves of his black woolen sweater and wrapped the more severe of the wounds in it. He hoisted her body onto his back and started to run as briskly as he could with a person on him. He was blinded with worry and just ran in hopes that he would soon come to a building that had someone who could help.

    Realizing that he could not just keep carrying her like this in hopes that a building would suddenly appear in the middle of the forest, He let her down gently before calling out one of his beloved pokemon. Flygon appeared before him ready to accept whatever its trainer needed it to do. “Please go find the building nearest to here,” he commanded. The flying pokemon took off like a bullet. He eased down beside the body of his dear friend. A sudden gush of regret filled his entire being. Why couldn’t I have been there earlier? I could have saved her...I should have traveled with her so that I could watch over her...but no I had to try to be cool and, and...it’s all my fault... a few tears trickled down his face. Flygon returned with news of a house nearby. The distraught young man rubbed the tears from his eyes and lifted Haruka onto his back once again. Flygon lead the way to a place for Haruka to rest safely.

    There in the middle of the woods sat a small cottage suitable for one. A frail older woman was tending to a beautiful garden. She noticed a stranger approaching and rushed over to greet him before she realized that he had a possibly dead passenger on his back. The man carrying the hurt girl had torn blood stained clothing on as well. To whom the blood belonged to she could not be certain. The distance between the young man and the cottage grew shorter and shorter. He approached the woman but was still gasping for breath because of the long run. The old woman was a little too surprised to say anything. She rarely got visitors anymore, Let alone ones like this.

    After twenty seconds or so the man managed to ask, “ Could...could you please...allow Haruka-san rest here while I go to get her some... medication.” The woman took a good look at the man noting his kind but sorrowful green eyes that told the entire tale to her. “I have a spare bedroom in the back if you’d like to put her back there until you return,” the woman said. The man gave a slight bow in gratitude and carried Haruka into the bedroom and gently put her onto the bed. He stared at her for just a few seconds before he left the room and headed out of the house just to be stopped.

    The old woman’s soft warm eyes showed her natural kindness before she told him,“Stay here..with her. Let me go and get the proper medication.” The young man protested saying that he had already burdened her too much and this was his responsibility. She lifted a finger up to the young mans lips silencing him so that she could intervene with, “ Please don’t be rash, I see in your eyes that here is where you truly want to be. She means a lot to you doesn‘t she?” The young man was a little shocked. Was he really so easily read? The old woman took his silence as a chance to hurry off before he could object. She ran faster than a woman half her age. What a spry old woman she was!
    -----
    Thanks for reading
    Lots of love till next time
    tata for now

    -MandySue
    Last edited by MandySue; 14th December 2006 at 10:08 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Hey, this is really good and you don't mess about at the start, just jump right on in!! Your style also causes questions to arise over what happened and what's going to happen.

    I look forwards to reading some more and I'd be grateful if you could add me to the PM list.

    Thanx and keep up the fantastic writing!

  3. #3

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    Damn! WHOO. Injuries, Shuu, and spry old women all in one fic! Score one for Mandysue! You really know how to make a Contestshipper happy.

    I look forward to reading more of this. Add me to the PM list please?

    I noticed a few mistakes, but they're minor, so I won't point them out.

    Later!

    ~MK

  4. #4
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    Woah, this is really quite good! What happenned to May? You've got us in cliffehs already.

    It's injury season now... I've read maybe 10 fics today that have a character getting injured/poisoned/killed/knocked out/brain dead/bashed up whatever, and I just love the suspense of it (Hehe... Sorry to the victims). Anyway, I know that this story has potential, so I'm looking forward to the next bit >=3. Do you have a PM list? If so, add me =D.
    #spp chat staff; drews_girl kintana tenten mello akemi karin && pm chat complaints please.
    fantastic pair \\ epic twin
    i do the #spp nightshift. [x] couldn't do it alone [x] thanks guys <3 [/CENTER]

    Banner > 46800 pixels so it was ~removed~! Read the signature rules.

  5. #5
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    Oct 2006
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    Thanks for the comps , You're all added to the listy

    Esperon: Thankies, I'll try to update soon so that you're not left in suspense for too long

    ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~: Thanks . Glad that you enjoyed it (and the random spry old woman :P). Oh, I'd really appreciate it if you posted the mistakes so that future readers can enjoy good grammar (pretty please ;])


    Growlie!: Yay injuries =),heh. I'm glad that you enjoyed it =). I hope that I make this fic as good as what you're hoping for =3.


    -MandySue

  6. #6
    Join Date
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    I like this chapter! It's really nice! Poor haruka! WHO HURT HER?! WHO HURT HER?!?! THEY SHALL PAY!!! lolz.

    anyways, since you want the grammar errors, here are the ones i found:

    Quote Originally Posted by MandySue View Post
    As the thoughts of her flooded through his mind and he suddenly felt a light blush brush across his cheeks.
    It should be "As the thoughts of her flooded through his mind, he felt a light blush brush across his cheeks"
    But very descriptive and my reaction: AWWZ!

    Quote Originally Posted by MandySue View Post
    Afraid that he might be to late he put his hand on her stomach to feel for it to move to prove that her life could still be saved.
    It should be "Afraid that he might be too late...."

    Quote Originally Posted by MandySue View Post
    Wrapping her wounds with it should have slowed the bleeding but the fabric was to thin so without hesitation he ripped off the sleeves of his black woolen sweater and wrapped the more severe of the wounds in it.
    again, it should be "but the fabric was too thin..."

    Quote Originally Posted by MandySue View Post
    Realization that he could not just keep carrying her like this in hopes that a building would suddenly appear in the middle of the forest. He let her down gently before calling out one of his beloved pokemon.
    I think it sounds better as "Realizing that he coudl not just keep carrying her like this in hopes that a building would suddenly appear in the middle of the forest, he let her down gently before calling out one of his beloved pokemon."

    Quote Originally Posted by MandySue View Post
    Why couldn’t I have been their earlier? I could have saved her?
    "their" should be "there." Also, instead of "I could have saved her?", replace the question mark with a period.

    Quote Originally Posted by MandySue View Post
    The distraught young man rubbed the tears from his eyes and lifted Haruka
    onto his back once again. Flygon lead the way to a place for Haruka to rest safely.
    Nothing grammatically wrong here, but there's an extra space after Haruka and it separates the last part away from the rest of the text.

    Quote Originally Posted by MandySue View Post
    The old woman was a little to surprised to say anything. She rarely got visitors anymore, Let alone ones like this.
    "to" should be "too".

    Quote Originally Posted by MandySue View Post
    The young man protested saying that he had already burdened her to much and this was his responsibility.
    "to" should be "too" as well in this case.

    yup. that's all. and YESH DREW! YOU ARE SO READABLE! THINK YOU COULD MAKE IT A BIT MORE OBVIOUS TO MAY, NOW?!?!?! lolz. i'd appreciate it if you put me on the PM List as well!


    click on my banner to go to my CS fic! (no flames!)

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