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Thread: Cheater! [Waterflowershipping Comedy One-Shot/PG-13]

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    Default Cheater! [Waterflowershipping Comedy One-Shot/PG-13]

    OK, this is my first fan-fic up here, and I hope you like it! My cousin [~!Mudkip Kitteh!~] proof-read. [Thankies!] Please go easy on me, this is my first fic.

    Cheater!
    PG13
    Waterflowershipping
    Comedy One-Shot
    Pages on Word: 3 1/4


    “Who? Who? I need to chose, Ash or Drew. Uh-oh, Ash. Hi, Ashy-poo.” I said while fluffing my orange hair. Ash quickly moved beside me and undid my hair.

    “Have you called your sisters at the gym?” He asked.

    “No, why? There’s nothing wrong, I locked the gym tight, and no one was inside. I better go check.” I quickly changed from the pajamas I was wearing into something that I could wear outside. Of course, not in front of Ash. Then I rushed next door to the gym. I found broken glass all over the place. Oh no, this can’t be good. I rushed over to Officer Jenny and asked,

    “What’s wrong? Has anything been stolen? Please tell me!”

    “Well, the gym got broken into obviously and the gym badges are stolen, there has also been a disappearance of your sisters, Misty.”

    All of a sudden, a figure came walking out of the darkness.

    “Who’s there? Tell me who you are.” I cried out. The figure stopped beside me and whispered into my small ear.

    “You should know who I am. I’m Drew Kettle. One of Ash’s friends.”

    “Drew, I have heard so much about you. I have imagined you would look handsome, and you look even more handsome in person. Have you seen my sisters and my gym badges?” I asked him kind of quickly.

    “Don’t worry about those things. I will find them.” He said and then disappeared into the night.

    “Where’d he go? Where’s Drew? Was I just imagining him?” I asked to nobody but the night itself. At that moment, he reappeared holding a struggling man and a case that rattled whenever he took a step.

    “Where did you go? I was so worried about you. Who’s that man you are holding? Are those my gym badges?” I asked quickly.

    “I went to go find the thief. And I found him. He was hidden in a clump of bushes trying to figure out how much the badges are worth. He had also tied up your sisters. How I found him, I had heard some rustling of gym badges and faint, muffled screams from your sisters. So I went and investigated.” Drew responded.

    “And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for that meddling kid, what’s his name again?” The strange guy retorted.

    “Misty, can you go get Officer Jenny. Tell her to come here pronto.” Drew commanded.

    Once I got running inside my gym, I just stopped in my tracks. Our pool of water that was here, was now gone. There was no water in the gym at all. That is impossible unless there was Pokemon included. But the guy had no bag or any Pokeballs with him so he couldn’t of.

    All of a sudden, I remembered why I came in here. I ran to Officer Jenny and said,

    “Drew wants to see you, he found the thief.” She said that she’d be right there. So when we got there, Jenny wanted to know everything.

    “How and where did you find him? She asked Drew all of a sudden.

    “I found him in some bushes by the bridge and I heard some badges rattling around. I also heard some very muffled screams from Misty’s sisters. I’m very glad that I have proven to myself that I’m capable of rescuing two very pretty ladies and a carton of stolen gym badges. I’m sure the whole wide world will hear of my triumphant and ask me for my autograph. I will be popular. The world will look up to me. Even the Pokemon.” When Drew looked up, he saw that all of the officers, Misty, a Jigglypuff, and a VIGOROTH asleep.

    He started crying like a little 2 year old saying, “WAAA, WAAA, no one will listen to me. WAAA, WAAA.” Those cries awoke me

    “Drew, I have to tell a teenager, which cries like a 2 year old, I love him. I love you Drew Kettle.” Drew helped me up. Suddenly, we bent towards each other and our lips collided. But what we didn’t know is that Ash walked in and he asked stupidly,

    “What are you doing?”

    “Ash, you wouldn’t know love if it walked naked in front of you.” Misty screamed, “I hate you! I’m breaking up with you! Good-bye.” I suddenly brought out my mallet and started to pound Ash around and around banging on his head. All of sudden, Ash pulled out his Pikachu and challenged Drew to a match.

    “Drew, I challenge you to a Pokemon battle. Our judge is going to be this old man.” He pointed to this innocent old man.

    “What, what’d you say my boy?” The old man asked.

    “Grrr. You are going to be the judge of a Pokemon battle. We are going to be using three Pokemon each. We can switch out at any time in the battle. The prize is [i]Misty[i].” Ash retorted.

    “All right, lets battle. Go Roselia!” Drew shouted.

    "Go Pikachu! Use Thunderbolt.” Ash retaliated.

    “Roselia, use swift! Ha take that!” Drew smirked.

    “Grr, return Pikachu, go Charmander.” Ash growled.

    “Roselia, use return!” Drew exclaimed.

    “Charmander, use flamethrower!” Ash yelled.

    “Return Roselia, Go Tropius!” Drew called out.

    “Charmander, use earthquake! What!!! IT HAS NO EFFECT!!!” Ash screamed.

    “Tropius, use Sunny Day.” Drew said calmly.

    “Charmander, use Confusion.” Ash retorted angrily.

    “Tropius, use Hyper Beam!” Drew fought back.

    “Grr, go Squirtle!” Ash cried out.

    “Tropius, use Magical Leaf! Ha take that. I win! Oh yea. In your dumb face Ash Ketchum! Now look who’s laughing. Come and kiss me my love bunny.” Drew cheered while he was literally dancing. I did what he said because I love him. And anyways, it felt good to be loved by someone who is smart and very handsome.

    “Ash Ketchum, you are a very ugly man, you are also very dumb. Good-bye forever.” I retorted gladly. I’ve wanted to say that for a long time now. Walking away, I said, “You better leave Hoenn and either go to Kanto or Johto. Just leave.” With that said, I marched over to Drew and we went to my house. I kissed Drew right then, right there.

    That next day though. I found Ash and someone named May in the gym kissing each other. I was furious.

    “Ash Ketchum, I said go to Kanto or Johto. Oh, and take your female dog with you. And the only place you will be appreciated is in New Bark Town. LEAVE NOW.” Once again I got out my mallet and started chasing Ash and May out of the town. They finally got the point and left.

    ***

    Now I’m grown up and I got married to Drew. I have a child, and her name is Vixi. She has orange hair and green eyes. She’s the most beautiful girl I have ever met. Well to say for Ash and May, let’s say they got crazy, and had a child before they were married. I forgave Ash and May and our daughters are best friends, her name is Beatrice. She has a brown eyes and a wild temper. I wonder who she got that from!!!

    ********

  2. #2

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    OMG OMG OMG OMG. I love it!!

    It's a little rushed and a bit confusing, but meh, whatever.

    Very good for your first fic, cousin!

    9/10!

    ~MK

  3. #3
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    What a beautiful way to start the day !! with a smile and laughter !! ^^

    rushed it is...
    confusing it is not...
    funny it is...
    serious it is not...

    but anyway, for a small oneshot, I like it !

    I'd give a 8/10 or 9/10
    nice work !!
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    I give this Idiot fic a 3/10
    I was already very kind to not give you a ZERO.
    But since you are new in this i guess you get 2 sypathy marks.
    5/10
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  5. #5
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    This is very good. It is slightly rushed. But anyway, great job!

  6. #6

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    [Mizz Allykat, ignore the pessimists, they like to give people a hard time.]

    I just figured I'd come back and point out a few things I liked.

    “I found him in some bushes by the bridge and I heard some badges rattling around. I also heard some very muffled screams from Misty’s sisters. I’m very glad that I have proven to myself that I’m capable of rescuing two very pretty ladies and a carton of stolen gym badges. I’m sure the whole wide world will hear of my triumphant and ask me for my autograph. I will be popular. The world will look up to me. Even the Pokemon.” When Drew looked up, he saw that all of the officers, Misty, a Jigglypuff, and a VIGOROTH asleep.
    I could totally visualize this part. Whoooadamn, that was priceless material.

    Wellpz, that's all I have to say, so laterz!

    ~MK

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    Hey, I agree with my lovely pally mudkip kitteh, ignore cruel comments that are not really constructive criticism.

    “I found him in some bushes by the bridge and I heard some badges rattling around. I also heard some very muffled screams from Misty’s sisters. I’m very glad that I have proven to myself that I’m capable of rescuing two very pretty ladies and a carton of stolen gym badges. I’m sure the whole wide world will hear of my triumphant and ask me for my autograph. I will be popular. The world will look up to me. Even the Pokemon.” When Drew looked up, he saw that all of the officers, Misty, a Jigglypuff, and a VIGOROTH asleep.

    He started crying like a little 2 year old saying, “WAAA, WAAA, no one will listen to me. WAAA, WAAA.” Those cries awoke me

    “Drew, I have to tell a teenager, which cries like a 2 year old, I love him. I love you Drew Kettle.” Drew helped me up. Suddenly, we bent towards each other and our lips collided. But what we didn’t know is that Ash walked in and he asked stupidly,

    “What are you doing?”
    That was my favourite part. You captured Drew's cockiness really well, and also Ash's stupid response to finding Misty kissing another guy, which is very faithful to his character

    I have to admit it was a little rushed, but for a first fic, i thought it was fab hun. Well done

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    That was rather mean, wiseowl.

    Anyway, this was funny if for no other reason that it was just so randomly nuts. And I like fics that are randomly nuts, so I liked it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~ View Post
    OMG OMG OMG OMG. I love it!!

    It's a little rushed and a bit confusing, but meh, whatever.

    Very good for your first fic, cousin!

    9/10!

    ~MK
    Glad you like it, cousin.

    Quote Originally Posted by shadow_shipper View Post
    What a beautiful way to start the day !! with a smile and laughter !! ^^

    rushed it is...
    confusing it is not...
    funny it is...
    serious it is not...

    but anyway, for a small oneshot, I like it !

    I'd give a 8/10 or 9/10
    nice work !!
    I'm glad you like it. It was my first fic, and, well... yeah.

    Quote Originally Posted by wiseowl_99 View Post
    I give this Idiot fic a 3/10
    I was already very kind to not give you a ZERO.
    But since you are new in this i guess you get 2 sypathy marks.
    5/10
    I don't want sympathy points, I want honest opinions. OK? OK.

    Quote Originally Posted by shervin View Post
    This is very good. It is slightly rushed. But anyway, great job!
    Thanks! I thought it was a bit rushed, but my cousin ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~ proof-read it, so you should blame her. [just kidding]

    Quote Originally Posted by ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~ View Post
    [Mizz Allykat, ignore the pessimists, they like to give people a hard time.]

    I just figured I'd come back and point out a few things I liked.



    I could totally visualize this part. Whoooadamn, that was priceless material.

    Wellpz, that's all I have to say, so laterz!

    ~MK
    Wheeeee. Good, the whole point was for you to visualize that.

    Quote Originally Posted by CuteDrew667 View Post
    Hey, I agree with my lovely pally mudkip kitteh, ignore cruel comments that are not really constructive criticism.



    That was my favourite part. You captured Drew's cockiness really well, and also Ash's stupid response to finding Misty kissing another guy, which is very faithful to his character

    I have to admit it was a little rushed, but for a first fic, i thought it was fab hun. Well done
    I'm glad you like it. And I'm glad I kept Ash and Drew in character. [any friend of my cousin's is a friend of mine, I guess. meh, that's just me]

    Quote Originally Posted by The Great Butler View Post
    That was rather mean, wiseowl.

    Anyway, this was funny if for no other reason that it was just so randomly nuts. And I like fics that are randomly nuts, so I liked it.
    Yay for randomly nutsy-ness!!! lol. I'm glad you like it. And wiseowl's just a person that has nothing better to do than hand out unwanted sympathy points. Heh.

    ANNND...

    later.

    skitty1112

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