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Thread: WOOH BABY MayxDrew oneshot

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
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    penn
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    Wooh Baby
    Oneshot
    A/N:May and drew are about 20 in this one.
    disclaimer:i dont own pokemon, never did never will

    ~~~at~may~and~drews~apartment~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    May stared at the white strip she held in her hand.It was a pregnancy test, and according to the box, and the strip, she was pregnant. Now she hated the color blue(A/N:Blue positive).
    'Drew is gonna be so angry, he'll probly leave, then come nack like 9 months later, and see that i've moved....WAIT! May what are you thinking.'She thought.
    "May! Comeon get out of the bathroom i gotta pee!"Drew said.
    "Wait!"She snapped
    "Your asking for a miricale"(s/p)Drew said barging into the bathroom just in time to see May puking her guts out, and the positive test strip on the ground.
    "May, your...your....pregnant??"he said.
    'Dammit, sometimes i wish he was dense, or stupid.'"yes.........."she said
    "ok...we better get to a doctors, to check up on It, i mean you now to get all that parenting crap"he said, still alittle shocked, but coming back to reality.
    "your..your, not mad?" She said obliviously shocked.
    "why would i be?" he ask. "I get to be a dad, and i am having it with the woman i love."
    "suck up, your just hoping i wont kill you, our eat you when i am very pregnant."she said jokingly.
    Drew got a weird vision thing in his head
    Drews vision: "DREW IM CRAVING SOMETHING!!!"
    "What?"
    "You look pretty tastey!"
    Back to noraml now"
    "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"Drew screamed
    "What the hell was that?" May asked,"Jesus our neighbors are probly gonna call the cops!"
    "Sorry"
    "Its fine."
    ~~~~~~~Some~6~months~later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
    (May is about 8 months pregnant)
    "Ugh! Drew help me get up, im to fat." May yelled.
    "your not fat!"Drew said tring despertly not to tick her off.
    "Stop being such a suck up, its really tickin me off!"She said.
    'That didnt work' Drew thought.
    "OWWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWWWWWWWWWOOOWWW!"May screamed grabiing Drews hand.(you all know what gonna happen)
    "Drew! your standing on my foot!" May Screamed.(got ya)
    "Sorry!"He said, taking his foot off hers.
    "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" May screamed again.
    "WHAT DID I DO NOW!!" Drew said worriedly.
    "ITS NOT YOU! I'M HAVING THE FRIGGIN BABY!" May screamed
    "oh.......OH!!!" Drew said/screamed."I gotta call the ambulance!!" and thats what he did.
    They both could hear the sirens
    ~~~~~~at~the~hospital~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
    (Ok i dont know how labor goes so um yea, bare with me)
    "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"D rew screamed.
    "OH QUIT YOUR WHINING YOUR NOT THE ONE WHOSE HAVE THE BABY!" May said.
    "You broke my hand.!!"
    "Boohoo!"May said"Cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it."
    "ok"
    "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHH"
    She screamed.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    (And presto. a baby.)
    "Congrates! its a girl!" Doc, said"Oh crap were losing her."
    "Mr. Drew, you need to leave!"
    "wah why!"
    "Cuz we are loosing her!"
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    (into the hall)
    "Drew shes ok"
    "And the baby?"
    "Fine. May wants you to come in and help her name the baby"
    "ok"
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    (in the room)
    "How about....Saraha?" May asked.
    "like the desert?"
    "Yah."
    "I like it, a lot. its settled!"
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    (4 years later)
    Tommaro you start your first day of preschool!" May said, as drew and his, Green haired , blue eyed daughter smiled happily.
    'Im the luckiest man in the world," he thought as he nelt down and pulled out a small velvet box.
    "May will you Marry me?"
    "Yes!!!!!"she screamed.










    THE SEQUEAL!!
    PRESCHOOL AND CHURCH BELLS!


    ooh yea....um i was gonna say something, oh!
    PLz no falmes!!
    Last edited by Encyclopika; 8th January 2007 at 1:20 AM. Reason: double posting
    Contestshipping 4ever!!

    Drew<3s May
    May<3s Drew

    oh and Houndoom rocks my socks!!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
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    On a Shooting Star to Mexico
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    Bleh, I'm supposed to be a good writer...and was skimming, so I'll review.

    Your structure is terrible and this isn't even a script or story.

    You need to learn grammar, spelling and how to build a story with paragraphs.

    Yeah.
    Koshiyo Tatoyo i O suYA Fool YO! YO!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    it's pretty funny, but very rushed.
    they seem pretty OOC (out of character) to me as well.
    for the rushed part and OOC part.... don't worry, i was like that too.

    you also need to be more careful with grammar and spelling.
    there wasn't much direction in this story other than the fact May was pregnant and had a baby.

    also, just so you know, it's the Sahara Desert, not Saraha Desert.

    Just keep these things in mind, and your next stories can be that much better!


    click on my banner to go to my CS fic! (no flames!)

  4. #4

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    You need to add in who is talking everytime and dont guess that we know who is talking, it was definitely rushed a ton, and it's SAHARA not SARAHA, but it was pretty funny
    You have potential young grasshopper

    Aipom RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who's he?????

    Can't wait for April 22nd!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. #5

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    Ummm... There's not a lot I can say that hasn't already been said... but...

    A) It's OOC
    B) It's rushed
    C) There's no structure
    D) It's poorly written
    E) The grammar and spelling sucks [no offense]
    F) There are multiple mistakes that are too numerous to even point out.

    Maybe you should delete this, ask someone to proof-read, and repost it in a few weeks.

    Just a suggestion. *hides from potential sniper rifles*

    I hope I didn't sound harsh, but this is very poorly written. Good concept, baldly written.

    ~MK

    EDIT: Whoops! I spelled it *baldly* and I meant to put *badly*

    *laughs*

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