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Thread: What's the line?-An AAML story

  1. #1
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    Default What's the line?-An AAML story

    Hiya everyone! I'm xXPorygonXx, and this is my first ever fic. Please remember to follow all forum rules; I don't want anyone to get in trouble. This story starts off at the Hoenn Pokemon League, during the Quarterfinals. Enjoy What's the line?-An AAML story.


    Chapter 1: A Hard Match; Let the Quarterfinals commence!

    "Welcome everyone, to the quarterfinals of this years Hoenn region League!" an announcer yelled to a jam packed stadium. The people in the audience had come from as close as Mossdeep, and in the case of two teens, as far away as Kanto.

    "No since in delaying the start, people! Our green box Trainer is a familiar face here at Evergrande Stadium, as she was once a member of the Elite Four. Please give a warm round of applause to Thilini of Rustboro City!"

    Lights flashed down on a emerald green box, whose inhabitant waved shyly at the crowd. She was wearing a white shirt that had a green and blue graffiti style PokeBall on it. Her long black hair, tied back by a ribbon, helped show the audience the nervousness on her face. Thilini's kind brown eyes, covered by a pair of glasses, looked across the field where her opponent was talking to his friends.

    "She sounds pretty tough, Ash. You best be careful not to get overconfident," a young girl told Thilini's opponent. The girl was May, one of Ash's travelling companions. Her long brown hair flowed in the wind as she gazed at Ash.

    "Yeah Ash, our dad met her a few years ago. She's an excellant strategist," May's brother Max remarked.

    "Don't worry guys, I'm pretty sure this Thilini will be an easy victory," Ash said. Ash had started his own journey three years ago, and had met many Pokemon. His untidy black hair was covered by a goofy hat, and his black shirt was covered by a sleeveless blue hoodie. A Pikachu stood on Ash's head, looking just as confident as his Trainer.

    "What about you Brock, any advice for me?" Ash asked one of his oldest friends. Brock had once led a Gym, eventually going along with Ash on his journey. Ash had quickly learned Brock had a weakness for the ladies, and today wasn't any acception....

    "My heart is breaking in half!" he wailed loudly, causing everyone to sweatdrop. "My love stands over there," he pointed at Thilini, "And I'm over here! Ash! If you beat her..." he growled, fire blazing in his eyes, "I WILL KILL YOU!!" This last part was screamed so loud, that people across the stadium could hear him.

    "Um..alright then.." Ash mumbled, droping down to his box so the match could start.

    "Next, our red box Trainer! He hails from the town of Pallet, all the way from Kanto. He's one of the most talented Trainers we've seen in a while, folks. Give it up for Ash Ketchum!"

    Ash waved at his friends, as Pikachu struck various poses.

    "Okay Ash, send out your first Pokemon please......"
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Meanwhile, in the Gym of Cerulean City, an old friend of Ash's collapsed onto her bed wearily. She grabbed a bottle of Advil and popped some in her mouth.

    "Why did I leave Ash to come here?" Misty Waterflower asked herself. Her normally happy(and violent!) pesonality had died down once she left Ash and Brock.

    "If you want Misty, I can, like, take over for a while," Misty's older sister said, walking in to the room. Lily and Misty's older sisters Daisy and Violet had been the original Gym Leaders, until they left for a round the world trip.

    "No way, Lily! If I left you in charge, there wouldn't be any badges left!" Misty yelled at Lily.

    "That, like, so totally hurts, Misty!" Lily squealed.

    "Whatever." he phone rang, startling Misty. She picked it up. "Hello? Oh, hi Mrs. Ketchum! What? Ash's match has started? Thanks, I'll watch, bye!" Misty hung up the phone and raced off to the living room.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Ash pulled out a PokeBall and threw it hard into the arena. The Ball opened to reveal a lobster like Pokemon called Corphish.

    "Corphish Cor Cor Phish!" it said, waving it's claws.

    Thilini also threw her ball, revealing a Plusle.

    A referee lowered his flags. "Begin!"

    "Corphish, Bubblebeam!"

    Corphish opened it's claws and let loose a barrage of multicolored bubbles that flew towards Plusle.

    "Plusi, stand your ground," Thilini said,watching as the bubbles drew closer. Plusi let out a cry as the bubbles came in contact with her.

    "Plusi, use Mirror Coat!

    Ash swore under his breath as Plusi stood up, glowing a deep gold. With a loud cry of it's name, it shot a powerful beam of gold energy at Corphish. As the beam came closer, Ash got an idea.

    "Corphish, Protect!"

    Corphish crossed his claws, which were glowing a shiny green. Just as the beam was about to strike, Corphish extended it's claws, creating a shimmering green shield. The energy of the Mirror Coat hit the Protect, creating a giant explosion. Thilini instantly took advantage of the explosion.

    "Plusi! Dig!"

    Plusi got close to the ground, scratching lightly. With a loud squeal, it started to burrow.

    After the dust died down, Corphish was seen lokking around rather stupidly for Plusi. A loud rumble was heard, and Plusi shot out of the earth, ramming Corphish with it's body. Corphish flew up in the air, only to come down and hit the arena. Hard.

    Ash looked worriedly at Corphish. "Corphish, get up!" Groaning slightly, Corphish stood up, glaring at Plusi.

    "Good Corphish, now Vicegrip!"

    Corphish quickly reached out and grabbed Plusi with one of it's claws. Plusi let out a scream of pain as Corphish continued to pinch it.

    "Plusi, Substitute!"

    CRACK! Corphish's eyes grew wide as Plusi's body cracked in half. Corphish was stuned at what it thought it had done. It didn't know that the 'Plusi' it destoyed was mearly a replica.

    "Now Plusi, Thunderbolt!"

    Corphish turned to see Plusi leaning against him. Plusi grinned cheeckily and shocked Corphish with a lot of electricity. Corphish didn't even have time to use a defensive ability, it was instantly knocked out.

    Ash sighed as he returned his fallen partner. "Good job buddy," he thought as he reattached his partner to his belt. "You did good." Ash looked up, a new PokeBall in his hand. "Sceptile, go!" A large green lizard burst onto the field. It's large yellow eyes stared at Plusi. Sceptile stood at least seven or eight times taller than Plusi.

    "Sceptile, Quick Attack!"

    "Plusi, Substitute!"

    Sceptile began moving at impossible speeds toward what was know a Plusi substitute. Like before, the replica broke. Unlike last time, Plusi wasn't able to get away quickly. It stood panting five feet to the left of Sceptile.

    "Plusi is getting tired," Thilini thought as Sceptile slowly stood up. "I have to end this now!"

    "Plusi, Thunderbolt!"

    "Sceptile, create a Leaf Blade and sink it into the ground!"

    Plusi let out a burst of electricity as the leaves on Sceptiles arm grew and elongated. With a grunt, Sceptile sank it's blade into the ground, right before the Thunderbolt hit. A loud bbom was heard, along with Ash yelling "Sceptile! Quick Attack!" Sceptile's speedy form was seen cutting through the dust, along with Plusi's body. When the smoke cleared, only Sceptile was still conscious.

    "Plusi wasn't able to take much more anyway. Return!" Thilini called, returning Plusi and selecting another PokeBall. With a loud cry of "Let's go!" she threw the ball into the arena, revealing....

    Sorry to end on a cliffhanger, guys. I have to go to my doctor's office; I'm not feeling too well. xXPorygonXx, out for now!

    P.S. Expect Chap. 2 tommorrow.
    Last edited by xXPorygonXx; 5th February 2007 at 11:50 PM.

  2. #2
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    Well aside from the shortness this is really good and shows a lot of promise. One thing that if you ever decide to re do the chapter is take out the background little descriptions of the known characters like May and Max, we know who they are so it's just a little something that's nice to know but if you inclue too much of it, your fic gets a bit....chuggy...if that makes sense, you have to much blah blah blah...remember, as your readers are going through it, the characters in the story in their head just stand still while reading something already known and it slows down the fic a bit...

    "My heart is breaking in half!" he wailed loudly, causing everyone to sweatdrop. "My love stands over there," he pointed at Thilini, "And I'm over here! Ash! If you beat her..." he growled, fire blazing in his eyes, "I WILL KILL YOU!!" This last part was screamed so loud, that people across the stadium could hear him.
    AHAHAHAH yes....torture Brock...please!!!! I loved this bit so much ^^

    "No way, Lily! If I left you in charge, there wouldn't be any bades left!" Misty yelled at Lily.
    True but small typo, badges...

    "Sceptile, create a Leaf Blade and sink it into the ground!"
    Excellent idea! That is perfect and such an Ash thought and mode of battle!

    You went to the doctors? Awww *huggles* I hope you feel better soon but don't push yourself to write anymore until you feel better (and that's an order!!) Please PM me when the next chapter is up ^^

    PS, can't believe this is your first fic, it's excellent!

  3. #3
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    Hey xXPorygonXx. You know it kills me to see a AAML Fic that's bad, expeically from a buddy of mine. But in order to have a successful shipping fic you must get good critisism. And this is an example of a badfic

    This chapter was mostly Dialogue with no description whatsoever. You didn't describe Max, May, Misty as well as the opponents pokemon. Use colorful adjectives to describe characters, pokemon,and settings.

    And I also had trouble reading the fic due to poor paragraphing. Space it out more so we can actually read it.

    And proofread each chapter out loud so you can fix those annoying typo's, spelling, or grammar errors.

    Besides those buggers, I actually liked this chapter. It's nice to see Misty can now return to the gang. Who knows what will "happen" between Ash and Misty. Just work on those things and you have got a successful AAML Fic. Hope you got a good checkup from the doc!

    PS:Put me on the PM List please.

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    Quote Originally Posted by penngrade6 View Post
    This chapter was mostly Dialogue with no description whatsoever. You didn't describe Max, May, Misty as well as the opponents pokemon. Use colorful adjectives to describe characters, pokemon,and settings.
    OK...obviously we disagree on this point. Can I argue the point, why do you NEED to know that May has brown hair, a bandana, a red jacket, white skirt with blueish shorts and red shoes? we know who Ash, Misty, May, Brock and Max are. Why have the reader spend time with the characters frozen in their minds while they read stuff then already know? Surely you need extra description on your new characters that you have invented rather than waste space in your fic describing what we already know. Sure, a few more things like, " said May, her light brown hair bobbing slightly in the breeze " wouldn't hurt, but i'd much rather build up the picture of the new peeps more than of the old. Personally i get bored stiff about description i already know.

    However, I will agree about the format, I just didn't want to put it in the earlier review cos then it would be too negative and you might loose heart, something I know about as the first 2 reviews i got was saying it was trash and another excuse for AXM in rather *****y fashion. (fine it was in the wrong forum but blah)

    Proof reading is great as penngrade6 said cos then you highlight the bits that need a little work. If you don't have the time or just want a little help, just PM me and i'll be happy to be your guinea pig proof reader

    I just had to get my word in there to justify why my review and advice contrasts so heavily with penngrade6's advice.

    So yeah, don't loose heart, keep writing cos you can only get better ^^

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    Thank you for your comments, penngrade 6 and Esperon. Two different opinions of the same story will help me make it better. About the odd format.. I put it in paragraphs, but when it started the new thread, all of my paragraphs were mushed together. I need help finding a "create paragraph" button, because don't really want to type this on Word. However, if I must recreate the first chap., then chap. 2 will have to wait. And guys, don't worry about BADFIC advice: I won't whine or get angry and verbally abuse you guys. Okay, PM list update! I will PM you when(If I need to) I recreate chap 1. and post chap. 2

    PM LIST:
    Esperon
    penngrade 6

    till later, xXPorygonXx, out!

    P.S. don't worry Esperon, it turned out I had a 24 hour stomach virus

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    OOO you had "the bug"? That thing destroyed our school last week but has just about gone now.

    For the paragraph bit, I suggest you write it on Word cos then you get spell check and all that, plus you can save your work to come back to it when you want and if serebiiforums goes down, you don't lose your precious work. Plus you can then send it to other places like the pokemon tower, FF.net or BahFanFiction.net (new place, come join!) Oh, paragraph, don't use the paragraph button, just hit enter twice cos that's the only way to get it to work! You might also be interested in the Advice for New Athors in the Fan Fiction forum, it helped me out a lot and might help you too!

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    Thankies! Have a cookie. Odd thing is, about twenty sec. before you posted a reply, I thought "I'm gonna go to the 'Advice' section" and, well, yeah. I fixed chap. 1. Send my fic to others sites, eh? I don't know if it's ready to leave serebiiforums yet, but times knows all. I think I'll copy and past this onto Word, just in case. I don't know why I didn't think of Word before...(smacks head)
    Sorry guys, spaghetti's calling, expect me back in, like, twenty mins., okay? xXPorygonXx, out!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Esperon View Post
    OK...obviously we disagree on this point. Can I argue the point, why do you NEED to know that May has brown hair, a bandana, a red jacket, white skirt with blueish shorts and red shoes? we know who Ash, Misty, May, Brock and Max are. Why have the reader spend time with the characters frozen in their minds while they read stuff then already know?
    ^^
    I guess we don't need to know about the description on the main characters. Sorry about that Porygon and Esperon. Anyway hope that virus go's away soon and enjoy your spagetti.

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    Quote Originally Posted by penngrade6 View Post
    I guess we don't need to know about the description on the main characters. Sorry about that Porygon and Esperon. Anyway hope that virus go's away soon and enjoy your spagetti.
    No problems, penngrade 6. I probably think that this fic is the reason I nearly failed Honor English. I came up with the idea during the Drama unit; it wouldn't get out of my head! The reason I created it in a Drama unit and the title will be explained later on. xXPorygonXx, out!

    P.S. Chap 2 posting: tommorow
    P.P.S: Spaghetti was delicious! I think "the bug" was created due to a large amount of beef and rice I had.

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    Quote Originally Posted by xXPorygonXx View Post
    No problems, penngrade 6. I probably think that this fic is the reason I nearly failed Honor English. I came up with the idea during the Drama unit; it wouldn't get out of my head! The reason I created it in a Drama unit and the title will be explained later on. xXPorygonXx, out!

    P.S. Chap 2 posting: tommorow
    P.P.S: Spaghetti was delicious! I think "the bug" was created due to a large amount of beef and rice I had.
    Well school comes first then it's your fic. Focus on school first then work on fic. We're in no rush. Hope you feel better!

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    Okay everybody, chap.2! By the way, Thilini isn't one of my OC's. Thilini is here courtesy of Artemis Ignitan. Here's chap. 2.

    Chapter 2: A Hard Match; Say hi to Blazi!

    (continued from cliffhanger).. a large chicken like Pokemon, called a Blaziken.

    "Not another one of these hippy chickens!" Ash complained, smacking his forehead in annoyance.

    "Heh! Blazi is NOT a chicken! She's a powerful Pokemon, not a piece of food. Show his dirty lizard what a true fighter can do! Use Blaze Kick!"

    Blazi jumped up super high, then began descending fast. Her foot ignitated, with giant waves of fire rolling off it. Blazi struck Sceptile hard in the chest, knocking Sceptile over.

    "Sceptile! Get up quick!" Ash called out, biting his lip as Sceptile stuggled to stand.

    "Blazi, use Quick Attack before Sceptile can fully rise!" Thilini shouted.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "She looks a lot more confident than she did before," May said, her eyes full of worry as Blazi began running.

    "Ash is gonna have to really pull this one out of his hat," Max replied. "What do you think, Brock?" he looked over at Brock.

    "Ash? Who's Ash? Is that short for Ashly? Is this a girl you've seen here? Good boy, Max! I can see I've been rubbing off on you!" Brock was, by now, completely lost in his fantasies.

    Max sighed, pushing his glasses up. "Never mind.."
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "Sceptile, use your Quick Attack!"

    Sceptile, who still was bent over in pain, began running fast towards the incoming Blazi.

    Thilini smirked. "Blazi, Blazing Scratch."

    "Blazing Scratch? What the heck is that?" Ash asked. His question was soon answered. Blazi had been dragging her claws on the floor as she ran. The intense friction had ignitated them. Like the previous Blaze Kick, waves of fire were coming from them. However, since the claws were close to the ground, the fire and sand that covered the arena melted into a semi glass state.

    "Sceptile, swerve!"

    "Follow him, Blazi!"

    Sceptile pulled to the left just before Blazi could hit him. BLazi turned around and started chasing Sceptile.

    As Ash watched Sceptile, his eyes lit up with the glimmer of an idea. "Sceptile! Stop running, and face Blazi!"

    Sceptile's face took on a funny color as he turned to face Blazi. The Blaziken had an evil smirk on her face as she rased her still burning claws to slash Sceptile.

    "Now Sceptile, Bullet Seed!"

    The smirk faded from Blazi's face and tranfered to Sceptile's as Sceptile opened his mouth. A large number of bright green seeds began rushing out, striking Blazi's face. Blazi's burning claws went to her face. Unfortunetly, the claws intense fire started to burn her facial fur.

    "Sceptile, Quick Attack!"

    Sceptile moved at intense speeds towards Blazi. Just as he was about to execute a perfect attack, his foot struck a piece of half formed glass. The result was that his attack still hit, but it wasn't as powerful as it could be.

    Thilini grunted as Blazi shot backwards, crashing to the ground where she groaned slightly before she struggled to her feet, glaring at her opponent.

    "Blazi, Quick Attack!" she ordered, a look of deep consitration on her face.

    "Again with the Quick Attack? Sceptile, get ready with a Bullet Seed." By now, Ash was beginning to get slightly overconfident.

    "Sceptile! Scep Scep!" Sceptile nodded, sucking in lots of air.

    Blazi began to get closer and closer as Sceptile's cheecks started to bulge with all the seeds he was holding in.

    "Blazi, stop and use Flamethrower!"

    "Oh ****, not that!" Ash thought. Out loud he said "Sceptile, release your Bullet Seed attack now!"

    Blazi's mouth opened wide as a huge stream of fire burst out. Sceptile also released a huge blast of seeds. The two attacks hit each other, creating yet another giant explosion. As dust swirled around, two voices were heard yelling "Quick Attack!".

    Two fast Pokemon forms were seen racing towards each other through the dust.

    However, just before Blazi and Sceptile collided, Ash yelled out "Leaf Blade!"

    The two Pokemon hit as the dust cleared. Sceptile's leafs were in their Leaf Blade form. Blazi staggered a bit, but still remained standing.

    Once more, Thilini and Ash shouted "Quick Attack!"

    Blazi and Sceptile turned and raced towards each other.

    "This is getting ridicuolous..," Ash muttered. "Sceptile, stop and use Bullet Seed!"

    Sceptile stopped and started spitting it's seed attack. The seeds hit Blazi in the chest again, but Blazi didn't stop running.

    Ash grinned. "Had to mix it up a bit! Wait until Blazi gets close, then jump and use Leaf Blade!"

    Sceptile smirked, jumping over Blazi. But before Sceptile could use Leaf Blade, Blazi reached out and grabbed Sceptile's leg, yanking him down.

    Thilini smirked. "Blazi, throw Sceptile high up."

    Blazi bent over and picked up Sceptile. With a grunt, she threw him into the air.

    "Now use Sky Uppercut!"

    Ash let out a gasp as Blazi's fist glew bright with white energy. She jumped high, bringing her glowing fist into up. Her fist made a meaty thunk as it made it's appointment with Sceptile's stomach.

    "Blaze Kick."

    Blazi's foot ignitated with flames of fire. She flipped in the air, slamming her foot into Sceptile's stomach. When Sceptile hit the ground, Blazi was standing on top, smirking at Ash.

    The referee looked at Sceptile and nodded. "Sceptile is unable to batttle, the winner is Blazi! Ash, recall Sceptile, please."

    Ash nodded and said "Take a goos rest, Sceptile. Take the field, Swellow!"

    Ash's Swellow burst from it's PokeBall. shieking a war cry. Blazi and Swellow stared at each other, waiting for the dtart of the battle. They didn't have long to wait, as the referee dropped his flags, crying "Begin!"

    Both Pokemon took off towards each other as their Trainers yelled "Quick Attack!" The two hit, sending up a shower of dust. Both Trainers waited for the dust to clear...

    ....And, unfortunetly, another cliffhanger.

    Have to end, guys. Expect chap. 3 soon. xXPorygonXx, out!
    Last edited by xXPorygonXx; 7th February 2007 at 11:18 PM.

  12. #12
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    Hi there, sorry I didn't review earlier, but my mom's been hogging the laptop. It's lucky that I know where she's hiding it. Anyways, I like the way you've protrayed my character.

    Brock is starting to really freak me out...he's in a sorry state, isn't he? HAHAHAHA! Keep torturing him!

    Great job! Feel free to put me on the PM list. Hope you enjoyed your spaghetti! :3
    Last edited by Artemis Ignitan; 7th February 2007 at 8:18 PM.

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    "Ash? Who's Ash? Is that short for Ashly? Is this a girl you've seen here? Good boy, Max! I can see I've been rubbing off on you!" Brock was, by now, completely lost in his fantasies.
    Ok...I'm scared...

    "Blazing Scratch? What the heck is that?" Ash asked. His question was soon answered. Blazi had been dragging her claws on the floor as she ran. The intense friction had ignitated her claws. Like the previous Blaze Kick, waves of fire were coming from the claws. However, since the claws were close to the ground, the fire and sand that covered the arena melted into a semi glass state.
    Might want to rework this paragraph cos saying claws so many times in such a short space makes for heavy reading that doesn't flow so great. (wonderful use of the english language there (from me))

    Sceptile, swearve!"
    No "a" in swerve.

    The smirk faded from Blazi's face and tranfered to Sceptile's as Sceptile opened his mouth. A large number of bright green seeds began rushing out, striking Blazi's face. Blazi's burning claws went to her face. Unfortunetly, the claws intense fire started to burn her facial fur.
    Really good idea, evil to Blazi though for the self inflicted pain!

    Thilini grunted as Blazi shot backwards, landing on her butt.
    Might want to put a bit more into this bit. I have a thing for the suffering of pokemon in battle so throw in a bit of "Blazi shot backwards, crashing to the ground where she groaned slightly before struggling to her feet, glaring at her opponent" and that'll make me happy ^^

    Ash let out a gasp as blazi's fist glew bright with white energy. She jumped high, bringing her glowing fist into up. Her fist made a meaty thunk as it made it's appointment with Sceptile's stomach.
    Need a capital for Blazi but woohoo for the meaty thunk! *Cackles* don't look at me like that!

    That was a superb battle sequence with lots of what I like to call, "Ash" moves for making something random and great out of nothing, like at the end of the Hoenn league when he had Glalie bounce around the icicles to take out the Charizard of the conducting dude. Plus the quick finish to Sceptile was perfect, however you could have chucked in a few Pound attacks and perhaps a Solar Beam or two, just for fun but great use of his other attacks

    For this chapter, I rate a 3.75 out of 5 for the points above and, tut tut, you lost .25 for not PMing me when you put up this chapter!

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    Thank you all. I really appreciate people enjoying my fic. Esperon and everyone else on the PM list, forgive me. I couldn't get into my User CP, so I couldn't PM anyone. I went back and fixed all of the mistakes you found, Esperon. Well, that's all for now-wait, I've got something to say. In June, I will be going on a 5 day band trip to Disneyland(don't ask). While I'm gone, I'm leaving everyone who were my first reviewers in charge. That's Esperon, XxM!styxX, penngrade 6 and Artemis Ignitan. Make sure nothing gets out of hand. PM list update!
    XxM!styxX
    Esperon
    penngrade 6
    Artemis Ignitan

    For now, xXPorygonXx, out!

    P.S I got, like, 7 in. of snow yesterday. SNOWBALL FIGHT!
    P.P.S Expect chap.3 tommorow or Friday

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    Well, hello all!

    Sorry i haven't been here, i've been busy with homework *curses evil projects*

    First of all, i'm glad u finally got this up Porygon.
    Now, for my criticism:
    Well, for one thing, u do need more description. oh, not of the battles, no, u did beautifully on those, but there's practically no description of any of the characters, the pokemon, the setting, etc. i think people keep saying things to other authors like write as if the readers know nothing about the main characters, or any of them for that matter.
    Also, it's better for the pokeon to stick with moves they know and not have moves just magically appear(i.e. corphish doesn't know protect). Plusle also isn't really supposed to be able to learn dig or mirror coat, and in the anime, mirror coat reflects the attack, unlike the gameboy games. Also, referees don't call pokemon by their nicknames.

    this could get pretty good(and if u haven't forgotten, i seem to remember pming u to be in it ) so can i be on the pm list? thankies!
    HI!
    i like pokeshipping and contestshipping.
    and that's all i got ^^;

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    Welcome, new reader! First, Corphish DOES learn Protect; I looked it up. Yes, I know I made a few technique mistakes, but I did them because it would make the battles more interesting. This fic starts out as a Journey fic, but it will have a lot more of charecter dialogue, trust me. And yes, you're on the PM list. Everybody happy? xXPorygonXx, out!

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    Quote Originally Posted by xXPorygonXx View Post
    First, Corphish DOES learn Protect; I looked it up.
    No, i meant ash's corphish doesn't know protect, at least not at that time. And i meant you didn't describe what the characters looked like.
    Otherwise, it's all cool then

    ~
    Last edited by skyblue_espeon; 11th February 2007 at 4:29 PM.
    HI!
    i like pokeshipping and contestshipping.
    and that's all i got ^^;

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    Sorry about the long wait, guys; I've been busy. Let's get started!

    Chapter 3: A Hard Match; The final bout of Blazi

    The smoke cleared slowly, revealing the sight of Blazi holding Swellow's wings. Swellow was crying out in pain; Blazi's sharp claws were digging into Swellow's wing muscles.

    "Swellow, get out fast!" Ash called as Swellow's blood began to flow onto Blazi's claws. Swellow let out a loud, painful cry of "Swellow!", and with a sickening pop, pulled himself from the grasp of Blazi.

    "Good job Swellow. Use Double Team to confuse Blazi!" Ash yelled as a powerful wind tore through the stadium. The wind picked some of the sand on the stadium floor. When the wind died down, a dozen Swellows were seen flying around a completely confused Blazi.

    Thilini frowned as the Swellow's started to peck sharply at Blazi. Blazi looked over her shoulder at her Trainer, then smirked as Thilini nodded. The Blaziken grinned and turned her attention back to the one true Swellow and the eleven Double Team copies. The Swellows all sweatdropped as Blazi turned to stare at them, her eyes literally alive with the fire of malice. Blazi took off running in what was an unmistakably Quick Attack.

    Ash looked around wildly for Blazi as the Swellows flew around searching for their opponent. "Swellow," he stated in a relatively calm voice, "use a Gust, but aim it at the ground."

    The Swellows turned to stare at each other before shrugging their shoulders and flapping their wings even faster. The gusts of wind hit the stadium ground, sending all of the sand flying into the air. Ash smirked, brushing back a strand of black hair from his happy face. His smirk of joy turned to a frown as he saw a large amount of red hot fire tear through the dust clouds.

    The dust started to clear up, revealing nine of the Swellows inprisoned in a large block of glass that was at least nine inches thick. Ash stared at the glass while the remaining three remaing Swellows cryed out a fierce battle cry.

    "What's the matter Ash, didn't know fire and sand can create glass?" Thilini said impishly, sticking her tongue out at Ash. Ash growled fiercely, his hat slipping down to cover his burning eyes.

    Thilini sighed. "Too bad, but you should have paid attention in school. Blazi, use your new tec-"

    Suddenly, a large bang was heard as a metal claw flew through the air towards Ash's Pikachu. Pikachu gave a gasp of pain as the claw bit deeply into his fur, the tips of the claw slightly drawing his blood.

    "Pikachu!" Ash cried, running towards his Pokemon in a desperate act to save him.

    The claw flew up to a large basket, topped by a hideous Meowth shaped balloon. Two people in the basket grabbed Pikachu as a cat, whose head was shaped like the balloon, jumped up and down gleefully.

    "Dat Pikachu is finally ours!" it cried, rubbing its hands together happily. "Da boss will promote us for sure diss time!"

    "Meowth, quit fooling around and help us bind up Pikachu," one of the two people snapped at Meowth. Her incredibly long red hair strayed close to the flames that powered the balloon, and a man with weird, short purple hair reached out and pulled it back down.

    "Jessie, please keep it down," he whined, clutching a small bell shaped Pokemon clse to himself. "Chimecho has a headache."

    "I'll give yous both headaches if dat Pikachu gets away again!" Meowth yelled, slashing their faces with his claws.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    As the bumpkins known as Team Rocket argued among themselves, a very ****** off Thini grabbed a black colored Pokeball that had a yellow "u" shap on it.

    "Those three are interupting my match.." she growled as a fierce fire eruped from her normally happy eyes. "SILVA'! TEACH THEM A LESSON!". With that, she whipped the Ball up super high, as the Pokemon she called "Silva'" emerged. It was a Pokemon called Metagross, an incredibly strong Psychic and Steel type. Each of its four arms were clawed, and a gold colored x graced it's face. Normally, Metagross were blue; this one was a shiny silver.

    "Silva', Hyper Beam!"

    Silva' opened it's mouth wide and formed a small orange beam of energy that steadily grew larger. When the ball was the size of a basketball, Silva' propeled it forward, pushing it slightly backwards. The energy slightly shed some of it's form behind it, leaving aan energy trail the same color as the beam.

    Gota go, by! Expect the rest of the chap. up tommorow. xXPorygonXx, out!

  19. #19
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    Nah, I don't mind that you took too long. Anyways, things are starting to heat up, its too bad that the whole thing had to be interrupted by Team Rocket. I'm surprised you got Blazi so close to its original character, what with it's sadistic nature and all. Good job!

  20. #20
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    Hello everyone, good news and bad news. I've recently come back from my unanounced writing hiatus, where I spent my time reading fics for inspiration. So expect my chapters to be much longer and more intense. Unfortunetly, due to the horror that is summer driver's ed, the earliest I'll be able to update is this Friday, possibly Saturday. Just thought I'd post this to let anyone who was worring about lack of updates...yeah.

  21. #21
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    Ah...that's good to know. I feel better knowing that I'm not the only author going on a lack of updates recently.

    Well...I'll be looking forward to the next chapter then.

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