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Thread: A glimpse of heaven (Pokeshipping/Contestshipping)

  1. #1
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    Default A glimpse of heaven (Pokeshipping/Contestshipping)

    This is my first chaptered fic..so please read and comment!I know it's probably gonna be bad but you could at least pretend to be nice couldn't you? *Everyone says no* Ahh well...pretty please!I'll give you candy!*Everyone agrees*YAY! By the way, there is no contestshipping in this chapter, and not really any pokeshipping either! Lol. Uhhh...anyway..review! Tell me how i could make it better!.


    A Glimpse Of Heaven-Chapter 1

    She sang her song with such grace. If anyone heard It, they would say It was the song of an angel. The amazing guitar playing complimented her delicate, sweet pure voice.

    Someplace where, there is sun,
    Deep blue skies, that's the one
    Splashing oceans, calming sea,
    Yeah that would be Ideal for me,


    She got off her Staryu bed and started moving around her blue water-pokemon themed room, occasionally taking a glimpse at her photo of her and and her best friend that was on her bedside table. She swayed her hips smoothly to the beat of the music and she closed her eyes and Imagined he was there with her, listening.

    I need more, than just love,
    fly be free, like a dove,
    I won't be Imprisoned anymore,
    I'll be free just count to four!


    She thought of him In a tux and she was wearing a glittery blue strapless dress that was down to just below her knees. Her red fiery hair was let down from It's usual side pony and down to her shoulders. She had glass slippers, like In Cinderella. She Imagined him dancing with her, she lay her head on his chest.

    I'll break free, yeah you'll see,
    the hidden truth will come out of me,
    I'll go high, touch the sky
    and flyyyyyyyyyyyy
    and I'll break free!
    Ooohh, yeeeaah yeah!


    They were moving closer and closer together. She Inhaled his cologne. They were one millimetre apart...

    "Misty!"

    Misty sighed. That was just typical of her sisters to ruin the moment.

    "Misty! Are you, like, singing your song? Could you keep the noise down! I'm fighting a losing battle!" Yelled her clothes concious older sister Daisy.

    "WHAT! There's a challenger? Why didn't you tell me?! I'm the one who battles around here, and win!" She yelled back.

    Violet, her other older sister replied for Daisy. "But we like trained really hard! We though we could win!"

    "You didn't think at all!" Misty replied while going downstairs, Daisy and Violet following behind. Her other older sister, Lily was battling.

    "Misty! Like where are your manners!" Shouted Daisy.

    "Manners?! Our reputation Is at risk because of you guys and all you can think about Is manners! Look at Lily! Gyarados hasn't even attacked the challenger's Onix! ARRGH! Lily, you are so bad!!" She screamed furiously.

    Lily stopped battling and sharply shot evil glares at Misty.

    "What did you say?" She asked quietly but dangerously.

    "You heard me. You are bad, all of you. You have no chance of winning at all." Misty replied cooly. She went by the water battle arena and splashed Lily with the water.

    "AAAAAHHHHHHHH! This is like freezing!"

    "Lily, are you like ok?"

    "No! Of course I am not Violet!"

    "Jeez, no need to make like a big deal out of it Lily!"

    "Yeah Daisy's right Lily, you are a water pokemon gym leader, and your afraid of a little cold water?" Smirked Misty.

    "Shut up Misty! Like take this wannabe water pokemon master!" Yelled Lily and she splashed water back at Misty.

    "AH! Your right, the water Is cold, but I enjoy it!"

    "GRRR! Noogie!"

    "NO!" Misty shouted.

    "Lily! Like stop it!" Screamed Daisy, afraid that they would get blood on the newly polished floor that Tracey cleaned(^_^) Misty and Lily were trying to hit each other but Daisy and Violet were holding them back.

    "GRRR, LET ME AT HER! LET ME AT HER!"

    "No! Let's just continue with the battle!"

    They turned around from the dusty corner they were fighting in to see that the trainer and it's Onix had left a looong time ago.

    "Oh great! Nothing could be more embarrassing! Why did I have to come back to Cerulean Gym! I could be travelling In Hoen!" Misty cried.

    "Yeah, and like with that boy" Ash was it?" Said Violet happily.

    "He's not my boyfriend!"

    "We didn't like say he was," Smirked Lily, apparently amused at this topic.

    "You did before when you first met him! You said he wasn't your type of boyfriend!"

    "Then, Misty?"

    "What!"

    "...Why don't you stop wasting your time here and like go and travel with your friends?"

    Misty stopped. She wanted to visit them. But something was holding her back.

    "Because..you need my help here,"

    "We can like learn on our own, youn need to follow your dream,"

    Misty quickly went upstairs in her room to be by herself when the phone started ringing.

    "Cerulean City Gym, Misty Waterflower speaking,"

    "Hey Misty!" Answered a familiar voice.

    "Ash! Hi, how are you?"

    "I'm good! I won a gym battle! How about you?"

    "That's great! Um, well me and my sisters got into a fight,"

    "Oh! What about?"

    "Their lack of skill! But we had a 'friendly' conversation in the end,"

    "About what?"

    "Uh!" Replied Misty as she desperately tried to think of a topic she and her sisters could've talked about. She didn't want to tell Ash they talked about him. "Psyduck..and his..brainless brain?" She said unsurely.

    "Oh! Yeah that's always a joke!"

    "He Is a joke!" Sighed Misty In relief.

    "Misty? I think you should come to Hoen! I haven't seen you In a while and we're stopping by a beach with a lot of water pokemon and i hear It's really beautiful!" Ash said enthusiastically.

    "Wow!"

    "And maybe you could...you could..I mean If your sisters let you, you could.." He stammered.

    "I could what?" Misty asked, puzzled.

    "TRAVEL WITH US!" Ash shouted loudly.

    Misty was silent and Ash got more nervous.

    "...Uh, well here I am, just asking you If you can travel with us and your just..saying nothing! And I expect an answer but now I feel like a fool..." Ash said nervously.

    After a few minutes, Misty finally spoke. "Ok!"

    "Really! Well, that's great! You're gonna love It! I swear!" Ash exclaimed happily. He grinned at her before he hung up. Misty died when she saw that cute grin!

    Misty was silent for a moment then she screamed for joy. She was so happy, she picked up Psyduck who was confused as to what was going on. She hugged it and kissed it's head.

    Oblivious to the fact that her sisters were watching her, grinning, she suddenly exclaimed, "YES! I GET TO SEE ASH! I CAN TELL HIM MY TRUE FEELINGS AND ASK HIM IF HE FEELS THE SAME!"

    Her sisters snickered very loudly behind the door which made Misty blush a deep magenta. She was thankful she wasn't facing them. She jumped on the bed and hugged her yellow Psyduck until it was at the point of choking. Misty didn't realise this as she was too busy day-dreaming about Ash but since she was hugging Psyduck's head, It glowed a blue colour. Misty noticed this and screamed. She threw Psyduck at her sisters before it attacked her.

    "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! NO! PSYDUCK!"

    "SHUT UP VIOLET! YOU'RE LIKE, GIVING ME A HEADACHE!"

    "DAISY, PSYDUCK IS ALREADY GIVING US A HEADACHE USING CONFUSION!"

    "AAAAHHH! PSYDUCK! STOP PUSHING ME DOWN THE STAIRS!"

    "GO HIT MISTY! AAAAH! NO, NOT THE POOL!"

    *SPLASH*

    "AAAHHHHHHHHHH! IM DROWNING!"

    "LILY! You can swim! PSYDUCK CAN'T! Wait..IT'S SCRATCHING ME!"


    Misty was oblivious to the fact that her sisters were in trouble.

    "NO! NOT THE HAIR!"

    "AAHH! LILY! STOP STRANGLING ME!"

    "*GASP* Psyduck can speak?!"

    "I'M NOT PSYDUCK IM DAISY!PSYDUCK! YOU STUPID YELLOW BRAINLESS BLOB! I HATE YOU! YOU ARE STUPID AND VERY UNINTELLIGENT! YOU HAVE NO BRAIN! GET A LIFE!!"

    "*GASP* Psyduck Is saying bad things about himself?!"

    "Psy, duck psy psy," Psyduck replied sadly. It burst into tears and went upstairs to Misty's room.

    "Psy, duck psy, psyduck!"

    It waddled over to Misty who picked him up again and accidently squeezed his head, causing him to suffer another headache. His head glowed a sapphire blue and straight away, Misty went downstairs and threw Psyduck at her sisters, who were still fighting in the pool.

    "AAHH! NO! NOT PSYDUCK AGAIN!"

    "I THOUGHT PSYDUCK WAS LIKE HERE! THERE CAN'T BE TWO!"

    Misty went upstairs and lyed down on her comforting bed. She played with her soft fiery red hair. After a while, she hugged her plump cushions. She constantly thught of Ash. She slowly drifted away to sleep, dreaming of him.

    Next morning, she woke up at 7:00. She wanted to look her best as today was the day she would finally see him. She decided to wear a bright red strapless top with a black flowing skirt down to her knees. She took her white jacket with her.

    Just as she was about to leave the front door, she heard her sisters call her.

    "Wait Misty! Before you go off and see your boyfriend-"

    "HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!"

    "Uh yeah, what ever, ok, before you see your 'friend' that just so happens to be a boy, let me give you this," Said Daisy
    while giving Misty a pokeball.

    "Uhh, thanks! But i already brought Luvdisc, Staryu, Gyarados and Corsola, and which one is this anyway?"

    "Oh this is a very special pokemon! You'll need it, good luck!" Said Lily, trying
    to hold back a grin and failing. She laughed for a bit but then stopped and put on a serious face. "Now you take care of yourself!"

    "I will! Bye!" Said Misty while she walked out of the door with her bike.

    Misty kept cycling down the road until she cycled soo fast that she foolishly
    crashed into someone.

    "Ow! Oh, I am sooo sorry! I didn't watch where I was going!"

    The 'victim' turned around and Misty gasped.

    -----------------

    "YES! I AM SOOO GLAD WE GOT RID OF PSYDUCK! THAT WAS A CLEVER PLAN YOU THOUGHT OF LILY! GIVING IT TO MISTY!" Exclaimed
    Daisy and Violet happily.

    -----------------

    Misty gasped again and she said slowly, "It's...you,"





    OK! First chapter done! I personally don't think it's that good and the description is lacking. PLEASSSSSEEEEEEEE REVIEW!I WILL GIVE YOU MONEY AND CANDY! PLEASEEEEEEE!
    you have no idea how nice it feels for people to review your own work!hehe! anyway...sorry its soo bad and there's nooo contestshipping or pokeshipping! ill try and make up for
    it in the next chapter! By da way..the song in da beginning..is one i wrote myself! hehe just thought i'd let you know so you know why it's such a bad song! ^_^
    Last edited by starrycup665; 19th February 2007 at 5:54 PM.
    Leya

    ~I am nobody,nobody is perfect therefore i am perfect
    God created man first because you always make a rough draft before a masterpiece

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
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    Posts
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    Unhappy could be better..

    You are lacking decription and there are grammar mistakes.I suggest you use Word when you write down chapters as it will look better.The plot is good,though.
    New pic coming soon.

    Quote Originally Posted by Red
    "You have an allergy to me too!"
    Shows that love in Pokemon (or anywhere) has ups, downs and pits.

    I've been away to think, and I've come back a more mature human being.(I think...)

    R.I.P Michael Jackson. It's one year on, and the world still misses you.

    .

  3. #3

    Default

    I like it, it is very entertaining, and the mistakes are minor. I look forward to more chapters in the future, out of interest, how many will there be? 8/10
    credit to PkMnPwNs1991 for the tc and ipoke

  4. #4
    Join Date
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    Default

    Thank you JB, yup i knew about the lack of description lol. I'll keep your advice in minds. Demonic Dialga, I don't know how many chapters there will be! hehe, prob about....at least 10?! lol.
    Leya

    ~I am nobody,nobody is perfect therefore i am perfect
    God created man first because you always make a rough draft before a masterpiece

  5. #5
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    Default

    Well at least you're spacing after each period. I agree with JB about the description, it needs more. Also, I saw many typos and spelling errors, you may want to use a spellchecker and proofread it. And Hoenn is spelled Hoenn not Hoen

    But I did like the part where Misty was daydreaming about dancing with Ash. I also found it funny that Misty screamed her feelings for Ash in front of her sisters. You left me hanging at the end, who could that person be? I want to find out, so please put me on the PM List!

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