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Thread: ~ Choice and Consequence ~

  1. #76
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    Two first posts in one day?

    Must be my lucky day.

    Off to work, breaking this chapter apart.

    Much Later, after a day and a half, I'm done.

    Keegan’ stomach flip-flopped as she made this realization
    To keep herself from rambling at herself inside her own mind she focused back upon the voices,
    They had given themselves to it; body, heart and soul,
    In any case, he hadn’t known where to start, so he’d followed Keegan. He’d followed her to Fuchsia, and now he’d followed her to Cinnabar, and he hadn’t been following her for long but it still rankled that Janine seemed to be right in more aspects of his life than simple battling. If it could have been called a battle, when he had practically been victimised by the traps in the gym.

    ****ing ninja.
    LOL.... Tynan has quite the potty mouth, doesn't he?

    He wasn’t entirely sure how he’d go about doing that either, since most of the training done at the academy had been battling with other students or strategizing and not a whole lot of actual individual practice, but he decided he could figure that out when he found a place he liked, and meanwhile he felt as though he was actually doing something under his own steam.
    Well, looks like Keegan's not the only one looking for someone... Team Magma seem intent on making her search easier. Poor Tynan, sucks to be you. I was impressed by the Gust fire Blast combo. Very impressive, although it got confusing every now and then, especially concerning Tarn (how did he get out of his pokeball) and Tynan, just whose bike did he steal/blow up?

    Well, it's great your keeping to your end of the bargain... hopefully i dfid likewise.

    L@er!
    Last edited by Air Dragon; 1st June 2009 at 12:40 AM.
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  2. #77
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    I was starting to wonder.

    Re: the spelling errors, I'm Australian, so as far as regional spelling goes I'm right there--thanks for checking up on them, though. I think we've had this exchange before, though, so if you're using MSW spellcheck to help you proof it, maybe it would be helpful to switch the language to Aussie English for the rest of the chapters?

    As for the semi-colon thing, MSW tells me that's wrong too, but MSW can sometimes be silly. I tried it with a semi-colon and the rhythm didn't work for me; I think it's because the phrase 'body, heart and soul' poses as a phrase essentially separate from the rest of the sentence (in the sense that you could remove it and the sentence would still make grammatical sense without it). The semi-colon represents too big a pause in the sentence's flow, so despite what MSW told me, I decided to ignore it. Thanks, though, nice catch; semi-colons can sometimes be pretty obscure. ^^

    Tarn came out of his pokeball offstage, as it were; it was during the Magmas' perspective, while Keegan was hiding, so they didn't actually see it happen. Keegan sent him across the other side of the gorge so they could attack on two fronts, but Brody saw him and cottoned on, so her strategy failed.

    As for the bikes, they belonged to the Rockets, of course.

    Ta for the review~ ^^

  3. #78
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    Ah! It's you! *glomps*

    I was going along and reading fics, and then I saw yours and I was like, 'Hmm, this title sounds familiar. Let's go read it!'

    Then I was reading the prequel and, 'Wow, this sounds REALLY familiar...'

    Then I saw Keegan's name, 'REALLY REALLY familiar.'

    And then Hazel and Hank came in and I was like, 'AH!! I REMEMBER THIS FIC!!'

    I was back from the days of the original ^^ I remember Tynan, definitely, and Brother and Tarn. Hazel and Firefoot, too!

    I'm sad, I liked that battle Tarn had after Keegan caught him, the one where he slid all around dilly-dally after using Ice Beam or Aurora Beam or something >.<

    I was so mad because I had only read up until the chapter where Magma discovers who she was when...something happened. Can't remember. You didn't update for FOREVER and I was irked...

    BUT NOW I"M HAPPY!!! *glomps again*

  4. #79
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    Ah! It's me! *is glomped*

    I don't remember the username, but I'm flattered my stories stuck in your head for so long. ^^ Welcome back!

    I rather liked that battle too, but there was no room for it in the new version, alas. I decided to discontinue the first copy because a conscientious reviewer made me want to rewrite it to fix up some problems. So now I have, and hopefully it's better and you'll enjoy it as much this time 'round. ^^

  5. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by purple_drake View Post
    Ah! It's me! *is glomped*

    I don't remember the username, but I'm flattered my stories stuck in your head for so long. ^^ Welcome back!

    I rather liked that battle too, but there was no room for it in the new version, alas. I decided to discontinue the first copy because a conscientious reviewer made me want to rewrite it to fix up some problems. So now I have, and hopefully it's better and you'll enjoy it as much this time 'round. ^^
    My old account was deleted for inactivity -.-

    But keep up the good work! It's always been good, and it's definitely gotten better ^o^

  6. #81
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    I was waiting forever PD!!!! *glomps*
    Man I forgot a lot that happened in the last chapter but I seemed to remember a little as I read, which was ok. ^^
    Great chap. I don't know what else to say. I love you description of Tynan's panic when meeting the Rockets. You do very well with peoples thoughts. It really flows and makes it seems the reader is actually inside the character and feeling those same feelings. Great job.
    Still no errors I could find, which still annoys me. All my writers can use correct grammar now!!! It's just not fair!!! But it's a good thing of course, because i can take less time correcting and more time praising. ^^
    I loved the battle with Keegan and the Magma's I remember this part in the last version and I think this is where you left off last time, so are we finally getting new material??? *cheers*!!!! Well 9 months is still a long time to wait for a chapter, but I think I can wait... who am I kidding I can't. I WANT MORE!!!!
    jirachiman out
    Yes people, I have returned.
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  7. #82
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    Bramble's certainly proving to be an interesting and fun character, I'd say--I really like reading about her. ^^ On a related note, also interesting is the look given at the relationships among Keegan's pok&#233;mon, the way they regard one another. I thought that was neat. ^^

    I also really liked the part that looked into Brody's thoughts and feelings about his team. ^^ I find that kind of thing to be pretty fascinating to begin with, and I think you did a very nice job of handling the things that were going through his head there. What I especially liked was the way he kept catching himself having those unpleasant thoughts and feelings and trying--and failing--to shoo them away. It just seemed really realistic.

    Same thing goes with Tynan and the thoughts he tried--and failed--to shoo away. Again, that's just something that seems really realistic to me--maybe, at least in part, because I can totally relate to that. Lord knows that it's very often been the times when I've tried the hardest not to think about something that the something in question has really had my brain by the figurative balls. @_@

    ...Brain-balls. Now there's something of which I don't think I would have ever expected to have reason to speak. XD

    I will freely admit that I squeed when the magmar appeared. X3 That's still one of my favorite pok&#233;mon species right there and probably always will be. ^^

    Oh, and I squeed at the weezing, too. Same reason. X3

        Spoiler:- Other highlights:


    Thanks for providing another enjoyable chunk of reading material. I look forward to the next. ^^
    Last edited by Sike Saner; 18th June 2009 at 3:47 AM.

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  8. #83
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    ..Noirr.Heart..: What was your old one? Mebbe I'll remember you by it. ^^


    jirachiman: Ack! *issa glomped*

    D: I need to write more quickly to stop people from forgetting the things that happened the last time I posted. M'sorry! *puppy eyes*

    IIRC, the last time I left off,     Spoiler:- :

    However, the nature and setting of Tynan's meeting with the Rockets has changed, and some of the process has also changed, which means that it's probably about half new material, half old. Within two chapters we should be into entirely new material. ^^

    I hesitate to make promises/speculations because it seems like making them jinxes me to be a lazy-arse. D: So I will say nothing and hope for the best. XD


    Sike: Hehe, I like Bramble. She's a recalcitrant snob, and shall make things interesting for Hazel. >3 I was/am actually really looking forward to showcasing the team's inner dynamics a lot more, as they got more members, so I'm glad you liked it. ^^

    I actually hadn't planned to do anything from Brody's perspective, but I was having trouble linking Keegan's spying to the actual battle and my policy is 'when in doubt, change perspectives'. XD It seems to work. Also yes. D: Brain-ball grabbing is annoying. Especially when you have schoolwork you're supposed to be doing and no wriggle-room.

    I don't actually like magmar. XD I think they're one of the ugliest things I've ever seen. Same with weezing, in terms of ugliness, though I've found myself with the urge to have one on my team in a game lately, so ... XP


    Yeah, that'll teach that damned bush. XD
    Yes well, the bush is evil, didn't you know? D<

    And thus I am made to think of a kitty, and thereby not only Hazel but eevee in general gain several cuteness points in my mind. ^^
    I do tend to give the eeveelutions somewhat feline traits, don't I? Though I wouldn't call them specifically cats. I have no idea what they are! XD


    You're welcome; thanks for the review and glad you enjoyed. ^^

  9. #84
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    Nice indepth look of Bramble at the beginning. :3 Yeah, I too can’t wait to see more interactions between her and Hazel. Should be realllllllllly fun. XD

    Agree with Sike that Brody’s thoughts on the team is nice too. Cool that the thoughts when Team Magma wasn’t an eco-terrorist group relates to the prequel “Heart of the Magma.” Interesting also how during the gap between the prequel and this story Team Magma had changed a lot and you did that nicely too just by Brody’s thoughts.

    On the part where Tynan confronts with the Rockets, realistic thoughts there. Yeah, too many times the main characters who would confront those teams have too much self confidence in going against them. Here though, you have Tynan not only unsure if he can be able to do that, but scared half to death too just by looking at them. However, the part where Tynan runs away I was a little confused as to what happened, most notably at this point:

    The image of Murkrow plummeting, tumbling in air currents, her feathers all but gone, was something that would be seared into his mind for a long time afterward. So was the smell of burning flesh, although that wouldn’t hit him until after it was all over, and neither would Flareon’s great keen of distress.

    Later, he would try to recall the exact events and remember only the sensation of his heart thudding, breathing in ash that tasted literally like ****, and the sight of his pokémon falling against a backdrop of flames. Later, he would figure out that the flames had made the gas in the air—pushed back, but not swept away, and pushed higher overhead—catch alight. Later, he would realise he had almost killed her because he hadn’t thought out his strategy well enough, and not even the knowledge that he hadn’t had the time—or complete lucidity—would make up for it.

    Now, it was only the knowledge that Murkrow couldn’t stop herself from falling—********************—that had him reacting, although he honestly couldn’t remember thinking anything. He could barely see the pokéball’s red light against the flames, and for a moment it looked as though she’d been swallowed by them; but then the pokéball dinged and locked down to standby as they did whenever there was a critically injured pokémon inside, so that they weren’t released accidentally by an inattentive trainer.
    I got confused as in Tyran’s part you were going at the present (basically him trying confronting the Rockets and devising a way to distract them), but then the part, “Later, he would try to recall the exact events…” goes forward to how Tyran will think in the future. Later, you go back to the present with, “Now, it was only the knowledge…” IMO, Tyran getting away from the Rockets and is able too for a short time should be a fast pace scene and having the part where Tyran will later realize his mistake breaks the flow of that part of the action. I know you’re trying to acknowledge Tyran did something that is of huge consequence and the boy will realize that, but I think that part would work better at a later time, maybe like when he goes to the Pokemon Center to get his bird Pokemon heal or something. Probably just me, though. ^^;

    Nothing else to say but nice chapter here and can’t wait to see what happens next!


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