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Thread: ~ Choice and Consequence ~

  1. #81
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    I was waiting forever PD!!!! *glomps*
    Man I forgot a lot that happened in the last chapter but I seemed to remember a little as I read, which was ok. ^^
    Great chap. I don't know what else to say. I love you description of Tynan's panic when meeting the Rockets. You do very well with peoples thoughts. It really flows and makes it seems the reader is actually inside the character and feeling those same feelings. Great job.
    Still no errors I could find, which still annoys me. All my writers can use correct grammar now!!! It's just not fair!!! But it's a good thing of course, because i can take less time correcting and more time praising. ^^
    I loved the battle with Keegan and the Magma's I remember this part in the last version and I think this is where you left off last time, so are we finally getting new material??? *cheers*!!!! Well 9 months is still a long time to wait for a chapter, but I think I can wait... who am I kidding I can't. I WANT MORE!!!!
    jirachiman out
    Yes people, I have returned.
    Pearl FC. Arlen 1718-9710-2821
    Eat More Chicken!!! Self-proclaimed, unofficial spokesman for Chick-Fil-A.

  2. #82
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
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    Earth
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    Bramble's certainly proving to be an interesting and fun character, I'd say--I really like reading about her. ^^ On a related note, also interesting is the look given at the relationships among Keegan's pokémon, the way they regard one another. I thought that was neat. ^^

    I also really liked the part that looked into Brody's thoughts and feelings about his team. ^^ I find that kind of thing to be pretty fascinating to begin with, and I think you did a very nice job of handling the things that were going through his head there. What I especially liked was the way he kept catching himself having those unpleasant thoughts and feelings and trying--and failing--to shoo them away. It just seemed really realistic.

    Same thing goes with Tynan and the thoughts he tried--and failed--to shoo away. Again, that's just something that seems really realistic to me--maybe, at least in part, because I can totally relate to that. Lord knows that it's very often been the times when I've tried the hardest not to think about something that the something in question has really had my brain by the figurative balls. @_@

    ...Brain-balls. Now there's something of which I don't think I would have ever expected to have reason to speak. XD

    I will freely admit that I squeed when the magmar appeared. X3 That's still one of my favorite pokémon species right there and probably always will be. ^^

    Oh, and I squeed at the weezing, too. Same reason. X3

        Spoiler:- Other highlights:


    Thanks for providing another enjoyable chunk of reading material. I look forward to the next. ^^
    Last edited by Sike Saner; 18th June 2009 at 3:47 AM.

    Current Chapter: Chapter 17 – Safe

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  3. #83
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
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    Blackthorn City
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    888

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    ..Noirr.Heart..: What was your old one? Mebbe I'll remember you by it. ^^


    jirachiman: Ack! *issa glomped*

    D: I need to write more quickly to stop people from forgetting the things that happened the last time I posted. M'sorry! *puppy eyes*

    IIRC, the last time I left off,     Spoiler:- :

    However, the nature and setting of Tynan's meeting with the Rockets has changed, and some of the process has also changed, which means that it's probably about half new material, half old. Within two chapters we should be into entirely new material. ^^

    I hesitate to make promises/speculations because it seems like making them jinxes me to be a lazy-arse. D: So I will say nothing and hope for the best. XD


    Sike: Hehe, I like Bramble. She's a recalcitrant snob, and shall make things interesting for Hazel. >3 I was/am actually really looking forward to showcasing the team's inner dynamics a lot more, as they got more members, so I'm glad you liked it. ^^

    I actually hadn't planned to do anything from Brody's perspective, but I was having trouble linking Keegan's spying to the actual battle and my policy is 'when in doubt, change perspectives'. XD It seems to work. Also yes. D: Brain-ball grabbing is annoying. Especially when you have schoolwork you're supposed to be doing and no wriggle-room.

    I don't actually like magmar. XD I think they're one of the ugliest things I've ever seen. Same with weezing, in terms of ugliness, though I've found myself with the urge to have one on my team in a game lately, so ... XP


    Yeah, that'll teach that damned bush. XD
    Yes well, the bush is evil, didn't you know? D<

    And thus I am made to think of a kitty, and thereby not only Hazel but eevee in general gain several cuteness points in my mind. ^^
    I do tend to give the eeveelutions somewhat feline traits, don't I? Though I wouldn't call them specifically cats. I have no idea what they are! XD


    You're welcome; thanks for the review and glad you enjoyed. ^^

  4. #84
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    Training at Sootopolis City
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    Nice indepth look of Bramble at the beginning. :3 Yeah, I too can’t wait to see more interactions between her and Hazel. Should be realllllllllly fun. XD

    Agree with Sike that Brody’s thoughts on the team is nice too. Cool that the thoughts when Team Magma wasn’t an eco-terrorist group relates to the prequel “Heart of the Magma.” Interesting also how during the gap between the prequel and this story Team Magma had changed a lot and you did that nicely too just by Brody’s thoughts.

    On the part where Tynan confronts with the Rockets, realistic thoughts there. Yeah, too many times the main characters who would confront those teams have too much self confidence in going against them. Here though, you have Tynan not only unsure if he can be able to do that, but scared half to death too just by looking at them. However, the part where Tynan runs away I was a little confused as to what happened, most notably at this point:

    The image of Murkrow plummeting, tumbling in air currents, her feathers all but gone, was something that would be seared into his mind for a long time afterward. So was the smell of burning flesh, although that wouldn’t hit him until after it was all over, and neither would Flareon’s great keen of distress.

    Later, he would try to recall the exact events and remember only the sensation of his heart thudding, breathing in ash that tasted literally like ****, and the sight of his pokémon falling against a backdrop of flames. Later, he would figure out that the flames had made the gas in the air—pushed back, but not swept away, and pushed higher overhead—catch alight. Later, he would realise he had almost killed her because he hadn’t thought out his strategy well enough, and not even the knowledge that he hadn’t had the time—or complete lucidity—would make up for it.

    Now, it was only the knowledge that Murkrow couldn’t stop herself from falling—********************—that had him reacting, although he honestly couldn’t remember thinking anything. He could barely see the pokéball’s red light against the flames, and for a moment it looked as though she’d been swallowed by them; but then the pokéball dinged and locked down to standby as they did whenever there was a critically injured pokémon inside, so that they weren’t released accidentally by an inattentive trainer.
    I got confused as in Tyran’s part you were going at the present (basically him trying confronting the Rockets and devising a way to distract them), but then the part, “Later, he would try to recall the exact events…” goes forward to how Tyran will think in the future. Later, you go back to the present with, “Now, it was only the knowledge…” IMO, Tyran getting away from the Rockets and is able too for a short time should be a fast pace scene and having the part where Tyran will later realize his mistake breaks the flow of that part of the action. I know you’re trying to acknowledge Tyran did something that is of huge consequence and the boy will realize that, but I think that part would work better at a later time, maybe like when he goes to the Pokemon Center to get his bird Pokemon heal or something. Probably just me, though. ^^;

    Nothing else to say but nice chapter here and can’t wait to see what happens next!


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    I'm still writing, but probably not much Pokemon stuff at the moment. HAM!


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