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Thread: Savoya (CS) Rated PG

  1. #1
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    Default Savoya (CS) Rated PG

    Hey, y’all! It’s been a while since I’ve posted here but I’ve revised my ideas for a Contest Shipping fic and it’s time that I actually start writing it. So here it is;

    Chapter 1: Scott Save the Broken Road! Rating for this Chapter: G


    Introduction ~ It’s been several months since Ash beat Brandon. The group has been traveling and competing in various competitions. The gang has made their way back to Petalburg to celebrate Max’s 10th birthday with his family. They’ve set up a large table in the middle of Petalburg Gym and everyone’s Pokemon are playing joyously nearby.

    “I think it’s time for Mom and Dad’s gift, Max!”
    “Good idea May. Dear, could you go get it please?”
    “Of course, Caroline. I’ll be right back”

    Norman went into the back room to find Max’s gift. What could it be? “You’re going to just love it, honey! Your father went through a lot of trouble to find it.”

    “Really? I’m so excited!”
    “I’m back! Max, since it’s your 10th birthday, your Mother and I decided to do something special for you. We went down to Professor Birch’s lab and registered you as an official Pokemon trainer!” He handed a Trainer Card with Max’s picture on it and other various information.

    “Wow! That’s great! But… I don’t have a Pokemon of my own yet….”
    “Well, remember that Ralts you told us about?”
    “Yea, I love that Ralts, I’m going to go find it and catch it someday!”
    “Thanks to your father, you won’t have to.”
    “What do you mean?”
    “Well, son, I went to the forest and spent two weeks looking for that Ralts. Just as I was about to give up, he wandered into my camp! Max, I caught you your Ralts! He is our gift to you. Happy Birthday son!”
    “…Ralts….”
    “Is that ok?”
    “Yea, it’s just that I can’t believe that I’ll finally be able to be a real Pokemon Trainer… and with Ralts… where is he, by the way?”
    “Ralts? Ra ra?”
    “Ralts! I’ve missed you so much!” Max hugged Ralts as Norman slipped a Poke-ball belt in front of him. “Thanks Mom and Dad!”
    “Wow, that’s great Max! And to think all I got you was this badge case.”
    “Wow, thanks May! This has been the best Birthday ever!”
    “Max, you parents, May, Brock and I talked and we decided to chip in and get you this.” Ash pulled an envelope from his jacket pocket. “It’s a ticket to the Shinou region, the Professor will meet you at the airport and will give you a Pokemon to go with your new Ralts –lots of the battles there are double battles –he’ll also set you on your way to battle the gym leaders there. What do you think?”
    Max started to cry. “This is the best thing anyone’s ever done for me… Thank you all so much!”

    ~ The next night, Max got on a plane to the Shinou Region to start his new adventure. As Ash, Brock and May left the airport, they ran into Drew. May and Drew started talking and they decided to start traveling together. Ash and Brock were a little disappointed but decided it was for the best and that they’d go find Max in Shinou and travel with him.

    ~Later that day~

    “So, Drew, where are we gonna go first?”
    “I’m not quite sure, we’ve competed in most of the contests in existence and Johto won’t be opening any contest halls for at least a year.”
    “What about Shinou?”
    “No dice, their contests won’t be ready to start for a few months.”
    “I wish there was a place just for coordinators.”
    Drew gave her a smug look, “Sure cause there’s definitely a place like that.”

    May put her hands on her hips and glared at Drew. Just then, Scott walked up with a brunette that held a striking resemblance to himself… except less rotund.
    “Hi, May. How have you been?”
    “Hi, Scott! I’ve been pretty good…”
    “What’s wrong?” Scott asked.
    “It’s nothing.” Said May as she sank lower in her seat.
    “What she means is that we’ve run out of contests to compete in.” Drew chimed in.

    The brunette spoke up, “I can help you there. I run a large chain o contests in a region called Savoya. A cruise ship will be leaving this afternoon to take you there. I’d love it if the two of you were on board. I’m Julia, by the way. I’m Scott’s daughter.”

    “Nice to meet you! I’m May and this is Drew.”

    Julia gave May and Drew tickets and explained some new rules that are upheld in Savoya that are different from those normally seen.

    “There’s no held Pokemon limit, for one.”
    “So we can have all the Pokemon we want with us at any given time?”
    “That’s right Drew.” Replied Julia. “ also, rather than ribbons, winning coordinators will be awarded points which are stored on these cards.” She took out a laptop and hit a few keys and two plastic cards popped out the side of the screen. Julia handed them to May and Drew.

    “How did you get all of our information so quick? You have our pictures and everything.” Pointed out May.
    “Scott told me about your love for contests, so naturally I did my research and set out to find you right away. We only want the best of the best and the both of you qualify. We’re very picky about who we invite to Savoya.”
    “I’m honored! Out of all the coordinators in the world, you picked us! Wow!” May said as she jumped up to shake Julia’s hand.
    Drew gave May and annoyed look and then turned to Julia, “Are there any other rules we should know about?”
    “Yes, only coordinators with a secret amount of points will be entered into the Grand Festival. Also, when you enter a contest, you may wager some of your points. If you win, you’ll get double what you wagered. And lastly, you may transfer points between coordinators. Understand?”
    “Sounds fun!” squealed May. “Thank you so much! We’ll do it!” Drew sweat dropped and then smiled. He could tell that there was a long road ahead of them.

    “Good. There are phones and Poke-ball transfer machines on the ship so you can take care of everything later.” She looked at her watch. “Speaking of, we should get going. Scott and I will lead you to the pier but that’s as far as we go.” The four of them went outside. “Unfortunately, I only have room for myself and Scott in my car, the two of you will have to ride on a Pokemon behind us.”
    “Well, I can ride on my Flygon, but what about May?”
    “I know,” said Scott, “you can ride this.” He took a Poke-ball from the glove compartment and released a Dragonite. “I met her as a Dratini in Blackthorn a while back. She’ll keep you safe.” Drew let out his Flygon and they made their way to the wharf.

    ~Later~

    May and Drew waved to Scott and Julia as the ship pulled away from the dock. The sun set in the background creating a beautiful illusion of pinks and purples in the sky. Once the shore was out of site, the pair moved to the stern and rested on the rail.
    “So, a new adventure in a new land. Are you sure you’re ready for this, May?”
    May got mad, “of course I am! Why wouldn’t I be?” Drew chuckled a little. “What’s so funny about that?” demanded May, irritated.
    “Noting,” replied Drew in a calm, reassuring voice. “Let’s find our cabin and get some rest, we have a long boat ride ahead of us and I kinda want to explore tomorrow.” Drew turned around before May had a chance to complain and he walked away.
    “I don’t think I’ll ever understand that boy,” May said to herself. She ran and caught up with Drew and they walked together to their cabin to anticipate the mysteries of the weeks to come.

    ~End~

    Next time: Don’t Rock the Boat, Baby! May and Drew meet a mysterious coordinator who gives them both an egg. This strange boy has brought the eggs nearly to hatching point. The eggs hatch and are used in a babies-only contest on the boat. How will they do? Will they win their first points on their new journey? Find out, next time!

    How did you like it? If you want, I’m starting a pm list. Just ask and I’ll put you on it. I’ll also start keeping track of May and Drew’s points as well as their teams on this first post.

    corsolakid


    PM list:
    aipom_fan
    ~!Mudkip Kitteh!~
    Ayra
    HelloKitty17
    ellie-chan


    Important Character's Contest Points:
    ~May: 3
    ~Drew: 3
    ~Jason: 15
    ~Ayra: 0
    Last edited by corsolakid; 16th June 2007 at 3:09 PM.
    Currently working on a new Contestshipping story, and intrest, ideas or questions, just shoot me a pm!

    Currently looking for and

    If you have ANY of them and are willing to trade, send me a pm and we'll haggle over price. :] Thanks!

  2. #2
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    nice story but there should more description in it.

    Introduction ~ It’s been several months since Ash beat Brandon. The group has been traveling and competing in various competitions. The gang has made their way back to Petalburg to celebrate Max’s 10th birthday with his family. They’ve set up a large table in the middle of Petalburg Gym and everyone’s Pokemon are playing joyously nearby.

    “I think it’s time for Mom and Dad’s gift, Max!”
    “Good idea May. Dear, could you go get it please?”
    “Of course, Caroline. I’ll be right back”

    Norman went into the back room to find Max’s gift. What could it be? “You’re going to just love it, honey! Your father went through a lot of trouble to find it.”

    “Really? I’m so excited!”
    “I’m back! Max, since it’s your 10th birthday, your Mother and I decided to do something special for you. We went down to Professor Birch’s lab and registered you as an official Pokemon trainer!” He handed a Trainer Card with Max’s picture on it and other various information.

    “Wow! That’s great! But… I don’t have a Pokemon of my own yet….”
    “Well, remember that Ralts you told us about?”
    “Yea, I love that Ralts, I’m going to go find it and catch it someday!”
    “Thanks to your father, you won’t have to.”
    “What do you mean?”
    “Well, son, I went to the forest and spent two weeks looking for that Ralts. Just as I was about to give up, he wandered into my camp! Max, I caught you your Ralts! He is our gift to you. Happy Birthday son!”
    “…Ralts….”
    “Is that ok?”
    “Yea, it’s just that I can’t believe that I’ll finally be able to be a real Pokemon Trainer… and with Ralts… where is he, by the way?”
    “Ralts? Ra ra?”
    “Ralts! I’ve missed you so much!” Max hugged Ralts as Norman slipped a Poke-ball belt in front of him. “Thanks Mom and Dad!”
    “Wow, that’s great Max! And to think all I got you was this badge case.”
    “Wow, thanks May! This has been the best Birthday ever!”
    “Max, you parents, May, Brock and I talked and we decided to chip in and get you this.” Ash pulled an envelope from his jacket pocket. “It’s a ticket to the Shinou region, the Professor will meet you at the airport and will give you a Pokemon to go with your new Ralts –lots of the battles there are double battles –he’ll also set you on your way to battle the gym leaders there. What do you think?”
    Max started to cry. “This is the best thing anyone’s ever done for me… Thank you all so much!”
    it was great when ralts came back, but i wonder what's going to happen on his journey? what pokemon is he going to be his starter pokemon

    the part when may and drew meet there should have more dialouge and description. also when may leaves the guys? we don't even noe who ask who to go along. come on that what we need to noe here. it is still good. nice how u made out a new place and new contest with points.

    can't wait for next chap. add more description.
    if u don't mind can u add to ur pm.
    Always and forever be a Pokemon fan no matter wht happens or how old I am.
    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm is there any point of being happy?



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  3. #3
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    more description, good advice. I might do a follow up episode later to see how Max is doing, just for fun. and thank you, i kinda like the points idea too.

    corsolakid
    Currently working on a new Contestshipping story, and intrest, ideas or questions, just shoot me a pm!

    Currently looking for and

    If you have ANY of them and are willing to trade, send me a pm and we'll haggle over price. :] Thanks!

  4. #4
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    The chapters MUST be longer, you need to paragraph the dialog, and you need to add more description. If you don't do these things Encyclopika will close the thread.

    ~Ayra~
    "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevent, it is what you do with the gift of life, that determines who you are." -Mewtwo
    "The only thing we can be is ourselves, we can't be someone else, and someone else can't be us." -Kelly Smith
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  5. #5
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    Yea, I talked to Encyclopika and we discussed what needs improvement. And I agree. But the next chapter is in the process of being written and has much more to it, not to mention that it's a contest episode! I hope the next chapter goes over better! I really like this story and I'd hate for it to be closed down so soon. I'll try hard to make it better, MUCH better!

    corsolakid
    Currently working on a new Contestshipping story, and intrest, ideas or questions, just shoot me a pm!

    Currently looking for and

    If you have ANY of them and are willing to trade, send me a pm and we'll haggle over price. :] Thanks!

  6. #6
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    I know this is double posting, but I had to get my chapter out. hope y'all can forgive me!

    All right, it’s been a while, but I’ve finally got the second chapter written. Yes, it IS a contest episode, so be happy! I hope y’all like it!


    Chapter 2: Don’t Rock The Boat, Baby! Rating: PG 13

    As May and Drew slept, a strange man snuck into their cabin and placed two colorful, ovular objects on a desk in the corner of the room. As he left, May awoke to the click of the door. She looked around the quaint yellow room. It had molding that resembled great ships on the ocean. She saw a green glow from the microwave on top of the fridge at the foot of her bed. She turned to her right and saw the strange objects but thought nothing of it. She laid back down and rolled over to see to the left. She saw Drew tangled in his blankets. He must have had a restless night. Before May knew it, her eyes were following the well-defined lines of Drew’s chest and stomach. She turned away quickly, her face flaming red, glad that Drew was asleep and hadn’t seen her stare. She snuggled in and was finally able to fall asleep. Morning came and May awoke to a kind male’s voice over the ship’s P.A. system. “Attention all passengers,” May sat up, “Drew, get up!” She threw a pillow at Drew’s head. He made some garbled noise and then turned and asked, “What now?” “Listen,” directed May.

    “Last night, I snuck into your cabins and left a Pokemon egg for each of you. All of them are very near hatching, within, the day, to be exact. Later today will be a Pokemon Contest to show others what you’re made of. But! This is no ordinary contest! You must use your newly hatched Pokemon! We know which cabins received which eggs; so don’t try to fool us. We have also distributed new Pokedexs. They have features such as a wild Pokemon locator, a move checker and several other new features that you may download on your journeys. Don’t worry! They have all of the old features! Now, before I forget, the winner of this afternoon’s contest will be awarded a whopping 15 points! Believe me, that’s a lot! Good luck to you all and enjoy the cruise!”

    “Huh, that actually sounds kinda interesting.” Commented Drew. “I think I’m going to like the Savoya Region!” He threw the pillow back at May playfully. “Hey! What was that for?” wined May.

    “For waking me up!” he stood up, “Let’s get to those eggs, shall we?” He walked across the room to the eggs. May blushed; Drew was standing right in front of her wearing only his Pokeball boxers. Just before he turned and saw, she was able to snap out of it and joined him at the desk. May spoke up first, “You take the red one with the swirls on it, I’ll take this one!” She held up a white egg with red and blue triangles on it. (Sound familiar?)

    “Ok, no objections,” He picked up the remaining egg and walked back to his bed. He set the egg on his pillow and began to dress. He glanced over his shoulder at May who was trying hard not to watch. “You might want to follow my lead, if you go out wearing that silk thing, people might get the wrong idea about us.” May blushed and tried to cover herself. Drew picked up his bag and egg and left the cabin. May sighed, dressed quickly, grabbed her egg and bag and ran to catch up to Drew.

    ~Later~

    After a morning of pampering their eggs, May’s finally started to glow. It morphed into a baby Togepi. “Aww! It’s adorable!” May squealed. She scooped up the egg Pokemon and cradled it in her arms. “It was a good idea to wait here by the pool Drew. I think the sound of the water helps. It’s very soothing.”

    “It’s about time you recognized my genius,” said Drew with a smirk. May was about to counter attack with an insult but was interrupted by the glowing mass in Drew’s arms. It too began to morph, but Drew’s egg changed into a small red fox with six fluffy tails. “No way! It’s a Vulpix! I’ve wanted one since I was just a kid!” Vulpix jumped into his rubbed against his chest and said, “Vul?” Drew pulled two bottles from his pack and handed one to May. “Lucky for us, they were handing these out at the on-board Pokemon Center.” They fed their babies and then left the pool to register for the afternoon’s contest.

    May and Drew walked up to the registration desk. A blonde woman wearing a light blue bikini and an orange scarf-wrap skirt sat at the computer. “Hi, I’m Lillian, how can I help you two out?” she asked sweetly.

    “Well,” said May, “we’d like to register for the contest, if it’s not to much to ask.”

    “Of course not. I’ll just need to see your Contest Passes.” May and Drew each handed over their passes. “My file says that your room got a Vulpix and Togepi, who’s using what?” Vulpix jumped up on the counter in front of Drew and caressed his chin with her tail. “I see, and I presume May is using Togepi?” Togepi jumped up onto the counter as well and smiled sweetly. “Ok, that’s what I needed to know! You’re both entered, just make sure you’re in the audience in one hour for the appeals round, we’ll call you down onto the stage.” May and Drew said ok and turned to leave. “Wait! I have something for you both!” They turned back and Lillian took out two pink Pokeballs, “These are specially designed for catching baby Pokemon. They’re yours, compliments of Scott and Julia.”

    “Wow! Thanks so much!” May and Drew took the Pokeballs and caught their new Pokemon with no problems. Drew spoke up, “We’ll be sure to be back in an hour. Wouldn’t want to miss the appeals!” The pair left the registration to enjoy the ship for an hour.

    ~~~~

    An hour later, May and Drew sat in the audience and watched the coordinators and their babies go up on stage and perform. Lillian walked out on stage, “May Maple, please come on down to the stage!” “Looks like I’m up!” said May. She stood and walked down the steps and onto the stage. She spun around and threw her Pokeball in the air, “Togepi, take the stage!” Out popped her adorable Togepi and it mimicked May’s twirl. “Togi, Togiii!!!” The crowd cheered in admiration of the adorable egg Pokemon. Suddenly, in unison, May and Togepi got serious. “Togepi, use Charm then use Metronome!” Togepi spun and wiggled its arms and conjured several dozen hearts, they began bouncing on the floor. Then its arms began rocking side to side and turned a bright white. Togepi and the hearts began glowing blue. “Confusion, awesome!” thought May. “Use Confusion to make that Charm dance! All the hearts started quick stepping around the stage. “Now use Growl!” Togepi growled cutely in the midst of the Charm and the crowd cheered.

    “Alright, nice job May!” congratulated Lillian. May headed back toward her seat. “Next on our list is Drew Willow! Come on down and show us what you’ve got!” yelled the blonde enthusiastically. Drew stood up just as May was getting back, “Good luck!” she said. “Luck has nothing to do with it,” he retorted “you’ll learn soon enough.” He flipped his hair and walked confidently onto the stage leaving May bewildered. Flames erupted in Drew’s eyes; a raging passion had been awoken. “Vulpix, let’s do it!” He threw out the Pokeball and Vulpix stood ready and confident. “Use Heat Wave on yourself!” Vulpix opened its mouth and a tomb of flames erupted, encasing Vulpix by its most powerful move. “What a bizarre move for Drew, I wonder what he’s got up his sleeve?” pondered Lillian. “Wait! Vulpix is glowing in an orange light! Is that Flash Fire? Wow, what a sight, Flash Fire boosts Vulpix’s fire power when hit by other fire moves. This is quite a treat!” “Now, Vulpix, use Ember!” Vulpix opened its mouth yet again but this time shot out a powerful Ember all over the stage producing raging spitfires. “Good, now take a nice long rest.” He returned Vulpix back to its ball. “What a great show of a Pokemon’s natural abilities! Great job, Drew!” commented Lillian. “Ok, now that the appeal round is over, it’s time for our top two coordinators to battle it out for the prize of 15 Contest Points! Of course, for this round, the coordinators will not use their baby Pokemon, they tire to easy and the appeal round is grueling enough for them. You will use a different Pokemon of your choosing. It’s time to announce the top coordinators, drum roll please!” A Poliwag in the audience used Belly Drum, which made Lillian giggle.

    A short man walked up to Lillian and handed over an envelope. Lillian opened it and read the names, “Drew Willow and Jason Lawrence! Please come down to the stage for the final battle!” Drew walked down to face a boy about 16 years old. He was about Drew’s height and had messy dirty-blonde hair topped with a pair of red sunglasses. He wore a light blue shirt and an open white jacket over the top of it. His pants were also white with several blue rectangles on the sides. His shoes were blue with white laces and he wore a red backpack with a single cross-chest strap. Apparently he had used a Ghastly in the appeal round. Te took a step forward and threw a Pokeball, “Snorlax, let’s rock the boat!” The large bear like monster materialized and its Pokeball flew back to its owner.

    “Wow, a Snorlax, that’s rare,” thought Drew. He masked his fear and casually threw a Pokeball out onto the field. “Butterfree, it’s all you.”

    “Snorlax, use Ice Beam,” said Jason. “Arial Ace, Butterfree!” The butterfly darted upwards and barely dodged the Ice Beam. Butterfree reappeared infront of Snorlax and struck it with amazing force. As Snorlax fell, Jason called out, “Mega Punch!” Snorlax’s hand turned blue and made contact with Butterfree. It flew backwards but regained control. Drew shouted, “Psychic!” Jason was quick though, “You too, Snorlax!” Both Pokemon were illuminated in a purple glow and floated above the ground, immobile. “Butterfree, throw it against the wall!” “Snorlax, use Body Slam on the wall!” Snorlax hurdled towards the wall but puffed up its belly and used it to rebound off of the wall. “Now use Flamethrower!” Flames erupted from Snorlax’s mouth and slammed Butterfree against the wall. A buzzer sounded signaling that Butterfree had been KOed.

    Lillian walked to the center of the stage and signaled for Jason to join her. “And Jason is the winner! Congratulations, Jason! You’ve earned 15 Contest Points! Your Contest Pass will be scanned and the points will be downloaded at the front counter. As for the rest of you, I suggest you go back to your cabins and get some rest, we arrive in Savoya tomorrow morning!” The crowd cheered for Jason as May and Drew headed to the on-board Pokemon Center. May turned to Drew, “Sorry about the loss. You must be taking it hard.” “I’m fine, really. I just want to get some sleep.” “Ok…” said May, defeated. She could tell that he was upset but decided to let it go.

    ~The next morning~

    May and Drew stood at the stern of the ship as they pulled into port. A sign read, “Welcome to Slidell, the roots of the Savoya Region!” “You ready, May?” asked Drew. “I am if you are.” She challenged. “Good, let’s get going.” They walked down the gangplank onto the dock and started their new journey.

    ~End~

    So, what do you think? I know, it sounds a bit rushed, but I'm learning. But either way, I think it was better than the first chapter, don't you? I'd give you a spoiler, but i'm not exactly sure what happens in the next chapter. I'll figure it out as I go. Until... later? Bye!

    corsolakid
    Currently working on a new Contestshipping story, and intrest, ideas or questions, just shoot me a pm!

    Currently looking for and

    If you have ANY of them and are willing to trade, send me a pm and we'll haggle over price. :] Thanks!

  7. #7
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    wow. nice chapter. so cute when they were in the cabin. horray for may and drew for getting such cute pokemon. also i loved it for the appeal round cute. but at the end it can;t believe drew lost. i guess there always someone better.

    can't wait for the next chapter
    pm me
    Always and forever be a Pokemon fan no matter wht happens or how old I am.
    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm is there any point of being happy?



    Which character are you test by Naruto - Kun.com

  8. #8
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    It's much better, but not perfect. You need to lengthen your chapters.

    ~Ayra~
    "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevent, it is what you do with the gift of life, that determines who you are." -Mewtwo
    "The only thing we can be is ourselves, we can't be someone else, and someone else can't be us." -Kelly Smith
    3DS FC 1048-8196-8009
    Type:Flying
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    ^Click to go to my Ribbon Sprites thread, in need of some ideas^
    Currently working on:
        Spoiler:- Ribbons I'm working on:
    [img]http://i44.*******.com/23t2pg8.png[/img]
    Credit to AWildMew for the Shinjoh Connection userbar

  9. #9
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    Ok, length, that's something i can work on. I think I'll have a somewhat filler episode next, but it'll be ok cause someone gets a new Pokemon!

    corsolakid


        Spoiler:- Who will get what Pokemon?:
    Currently working on a new Contestshipping story, and intrest, ideas or questions, just shoot me a pm!

    Currently looking for and

    If you have ANY of them and are willing to trade, send me a pm and we'll haggle over price. :] Thanks!

  10. #10
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    Not a bad story. I like the plot, but your chapters could definitely use some length.

    In the second chapter I really liked the whole thing with the eggs. It was creative and cute.

    Add me to the PM list? :]
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  11. #11
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    Thanks, i like all feedback, even if it's negative. How am i supposed to get better if i don't know what's wrong? That's my philosiphy (sp?). and yes, I'll add you.

    corsolakid
    Currently working on a new Contestshipping story, and intrest, ideas or questions, just shoot me a pm!

    Currently looking for and

    If you have ANY of them and are willing to trade, send me a pm and we'll haggle over price. :] Thanks!

  12. #12
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    I'm REALLY sorry everyone! corsolakid's writing the new chapter right now. It should be done by next week. PLEASE be patient!

    ~Ayra~
    "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevent, it is what you do with the gift of life, that determines who you are." -Mewtwo
    "The only thing we can be is ourselves, we can't be someone else, and someone else can't be us." -Kelly Smith
    3DS FC 1048-8196-8009
    Type:Flying
    Spearow, Woobat, Hawlucha
    ^Click to go to my Ribbon Sprites thread, in need of some ideas^
    Currently working on:
        Spoiler:- Ribbons I'm working on:
    [img]http://i44.*******.com/23t2pg8.png[/img]
    Credit to AWildMew for the Shinjoh Connection userbar

  13. #13
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    Thanks Ayra, and yes, it's almost done. I just have a few pages left to write and then i have to type it, so at the latest it will be up by sunday. The Chapter's Title is: Double, Double, Toil and Trouble! here's a spoiler for you.

        Spoiler:- May and Drew catch...:


        Spoiler:- New...:


        Spoiler:- A new Character:


        Spoiler:- Special Chapter:


    so yea, sorry for all of the spoilers, but they release different things and some people only want to know a few things, if any. so i thought i'd divide them. sorry if this angers any mods! please don't yell at me! i have good intentions!

    corsolakid
    Currently working on a new Contestshipping story, and intrest, ideas or questions, just shoot me a pm!

    Currently looking for and

    If you have ANY of them and are willing to trade, send me a pm and we'll haggle over price. :] Thanks!

  14. #14
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    Everyone, I also help with the story, so when a new chapter comes out I'll PM you.

    ~Ayra~
    "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevent, it is what you do with the gift of life, that determines who you are." -Mewtwo
    "The only thing we can be is ourselves, we can't be someone else, and someone else can't be us." -Kelly Smith
    3DS FC 1048-8196-8009
    Type:Flying
    Spearow, Woobat, Hawlucha
    ^Click to go to my Ribbon Sprites thread, in need of some ideas^
    Currently working on:
        Spoiler:- Ribbons I'm working on:
    [img]http://i44.*******.com/23t2pg8.png[/img]
    Credit to AWildMew for the Shinjoh Connection userbar

  15. #15
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    Unfortunetly, i'm running a little behind with Chapter three. I'll probably be able to finish writing it today but I doubt it will be typed until tomorrow night. and that's if i don't have alot of homework. So it will for SURE be out by Wednesday. That's a garantee.(sp?) Thanks so much for understanding! I just hate to keep people waiting, I'll get this done ASAP!!

    corsolakid


    Edit: RANK CHANGE!!! WOOT!!! it's been so long since i had a rank change! exciting!
    Currently working on a new Contestshipping story, and intrest, ideas or questions, just shoot me a pm!

    Currently looking for and

    If you have ANY of them and are willing to trade, send me a pm and we'll haggle over price. :] Thanks!

  16. #16
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    Yeah congratulations Johto Champion! That aside, don't worry about deadlines, just make sure it's the best it can be!

    ~Ayra~
    "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevent, it is what you do with the gift of life, that determines who you are." -Mewtwo
    "The only thing we can be is ourselves, we can't be someone else, and someone else can't be us." -Kelly Smith
    3DS FC 1048-8196-8009
    Type:Flying
    Spearow, Woobat, Hawlucha
    ^Click to go to my Ribbon Sprites thread, in need of some ideas^
    Currently working on:
        Spoiler:- Ribbons I'm working on:
    [img]http://i44.*******.com/23t2pg8.png[/img]
    Credit to AWildMew for the Shinjoh Connection userbar

  17. #17
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    I have it written, it's an 11 pager, at least in my notebook it is, so it'll work out to about... 8ish on the comp. I'll try to type it today after school, but if i have to much work, it'll only half get done. Hopefully today, there's a chance it comes out thursday and another chance for friday. I don't think i'll get much work though, we're doing reviews for the chapter tests in most classes. Just remember, As soon as I post it, you could recieve a pm from either me, or Ayra. if she's not online, me, if she is, her. Sorry to keep y'all waiting so long but i think you'll like this chapter.

    corsolakid

    oh, and for the next chapter, don't be afraid to be critical. I'm not afraid of judgement.
    Currently working on a new Contestshipping story, and intrest, ideas or questions, just shoot me a pm!

    Currently looking for and

    If you have ANY of them and are willing to trade, send me a pm and we'll haggle over price. :] Thanks!

  18. #18
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    Don't worry everyone! corsolakid should have it done today!

    ~Ayra~
    "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevent, it is what you do with the gift of life, that determines who you are." -Mewtwo
    "The only thing we can be is ourselves, we can't be someone else, and someone else can't be us." -Kelly Smith
    3DS FC 1048-8196-8009
    Type:Flying
    Spearow, Woobat, Hawlucha
    ^Click to go to my Ribbon Sprites thread, in need of some ideas^
    Currently working on:
        Spoiler:- Ribbons I'm working on:
    [img]http://i44.*******.com/23t2pg8.png[/img]
    Credit to AWildMew for the Shinjoh Connection userbar

  19. #19
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    I'm sorry that it took so long to get this out, really I am. I've just had a lot of stuff goin' on lately. But the important thing is that it's out now. so read and enjoy, reviews good and bad appreciated.
    ~~~

    Chapter Three: double, double, Toil and Trouble! Rating: PG 13 (language)

    May and Drew walked through the bustling city of Slidell. Most of the buildings were two stories while some were three. May ran from store window to store window, as any teenage girl would. Drew walked slowly down the sidewalk watching her with a smile. The way she runs around, it’s so cute. Her hips, her legs her hair… Drew caught himself just as May turned around. He whipped around and tried to pretend that he hadn’t been watching her. She sipped running and walked to him. “What’s the matter?” she asked in a chipper voice. He was able to turn to her but couldn’t look her in the eyes, “It’s nothing,” he replied, “really.” She pouted and put her hands on her hips in a sly sort of way. Just as she was about to begin arguing with him, a loud crack came from behind them as if something had just been whipped. They both jerked their heads in the direction of the noise and ran towards it. They rounded a corner and peered down the alleyway. They saw two trainers dressed in purple with a yellow lightening bolt design on the chest. The woman was saying something to the man, “If they aren’t ready for the contest tomorrow, we won’t win. The boss instructed us to win contests so we can pull an inside job at the Grand Festival.” The man got fidgety, “But do you need to use the whip? It seems a little bit…” The woman interrupted in a stern voice, “yes, and if you don’t stop wining about it, YOU’LL be at the other end of it!!!” by the end of the sentence, she was nearly screaming. The woman regained her composure having obviously won the debate. She turned to face something that was obstructed by a large dumpster. May and Drew listened hard, they heard what seemed to be a desperate crying. The woman spoke again, “Ralts, Abra, use Confusion!” As she spoke the command, she whipped the ground. Slowly, an Abra floated up in the air surrounded by the Confusion from its comrade. It seemed to be in a lot of pain as it began to use Confusion as well. A Ralts levitated next to the Abra, but it wasn’t an ordinary Ralts, wherever there was supposed to be green, it seemed to be blue. May rubbed her eyes. Nope, it was real. A blue Ralts. The woman got angry, “No, no, NO!!!” She whipped Abra and it lost its concentration and dropped Ralts, which in turn cause Ralts to drop Abra. “It’s all WRONG!” She lifted the whip again when suddenly two Pokeballs flew into the air. “Bulbasaur, use your vines to grab that whip! Beautifly, use String Shot to tie up these horrible people!” Bulbasaur slung its vines at the woman and stole her whip just before Beautifly shot a silver thread at the pair. Drew grabbed the whip from Bulbasaur and stormed over to them. “What the hell is wrong with you?! You’re a damned fool if you think that you can get away with this ****!” Even though May had found the courage to stand up to the pair, she was frightened by Drew’s reaction. But there was no way in hell that she could show her fear while he was so close… it wouldn’t seem right. Drew continued to yell, “What the hell did they do to you?” he gestured at the baby psychics. “You can’t treat them like that! As a concerned coordinator, I’m confiscating these Pokemon from you!” May touched his shoulder and quietly asked, “Can we do that?” The woman sneered at her. Drew took out their new Pokedex and read the law under Pokemon Misconduct.

    He looked up at May with a smile, “As long as we don’t have a criminal record, it’s legal. We just have to report it at our next registration for a contest.” He crouched in front of the psychic Pokemon, “would you like to come with us?” Tears welled in Ralts’ eyes and it nodded its head. Abra did the same. A huge grin stretched across May’s face, “Cool!” She took a Pokeball from her bag and pressed the button against the blue Ralts’ head. The button flashed red a couple times and stopped. As May stood up, the ball began spinning and lifted into the air. The ball spun faster and faster and slowly, a hint of green was seen on the ball. Once the ball stopped spinning, the whole thing was bright neon green. May caught it as it fell and seemed quite confused. (thought) “It must have something to do with its odd color. Oh well, it’s unique, I like it!” She put the ball in her bag just as Drew stood up. They turned to the tied up pair and Drew asked, “Who are you, anyway?” “I’m Toil,” said the woman in a smooth voice. “And I’m Trouble!” added the man nervously. “Let us go!” commanded Toil, “Yea!” added Trouble. Toil shot him a nasty look. He sweat dropped and turned away. She had quite a temper and he didn’t want to make her mad. “Well,” said May, “we DO have the Pokemon, they can’t hurt them anymore…” “… Fine,” whispered Drew. May nodded her head at Bulbasaur and it used Razor Leaf to cut them loose and then was recalled, as was Beautifly. “You haven’t seen the last of us,” snarled Toil. “I’m sure we’ll see you at tomorrow’s contest, and then, we’ll take you down! Until then,” she threw a black rose at May’s feet and released a Fearow from its ball, climbed on and flew away. Trouble got scared and followed suit. Hmm, thought May, it’s obvious that Toil’s in charge.

    May looked down at the rose and then at Drew. He too was staring at the rose as a flood of emotions poured into his body. Fear, anger, sadness… all of the things that had made his childhood a living hell. May took his hand as if to comfort him. He finally spoke, “we should get to the contest hall and get some information about this contest.” He pulled his hand from hers and started walking. Odd, thought May. She caught up to him and they walked in silence to the Slidell Contest Hall. The lobby had plain yellow walls with red benches lining the walls and green tables scatter around the room. Hanging on the walls were pictures of couples and their Pokemon. They seemed to have won the contest. May and Drew walked in the door. There was a woman behind the registration counter. She seemed to be young, in her twenties. Her hair was an icy blue and was curled. She had on a neon pink short-sleeved shirt.

    Drew marched up to the counter. The woman looked up and smiled, “Hello! Can I help you with anything?” Drew’s emotionless expression didn’t change, “A pair of creeps were mistreating an Abra and a Ralts so we took them. Their names are Toil and Trouble.”

    “Wow, it’s been a while since this has happened here. All right, I’ll need your contest passes to check your records.” They handed over their cards. She tapped away at the keyboard. “Ok, you’re both clear! Who’s got Abra?” she asked. “I do,” said Drew. “And that means that May got the Ralts, right?” “Uh-huh,” answered May. The woman hit a few keys, “Hmmm, it’s not an ordinary Ralts, is it?” “No,” said May, “it’s blue where it should be green. And what’s odder is that when I caught it,” she took out the Pokeball, “the Pokeball turned green!” The receptionist smiled, “That Ralts is what’s called a Shiny Pokemon. It’s a Pokemon that’s abnormally colored. Nothing’s wrong with them, they actually seem to be stronger than most of their kind. But they’re very rare. You’re very lucky to have one.” “Oh… ok!” She put away the Pokeball. “By the way, we’d like some information about today’s contest.” “Actually,” said the woman, “it’s tomorrow, and it’s going to be a doubles contest.” “A what?” asked May, dumbfounded. “Two coordinators team up for the contest. Your Pokemon will work together in appeals and then two others will be used in a double battle round between the top two couples. Both winning coordinators will win 3 points. Registration will close in one hour and the contest will begin tomorrow at noon. Would you like to register?” Drew took this question, “No, we need to decide who to use. We’ll be back later.” He turned and left the building with May close on his heels.

    They sat on a bench at a nearby fountain and Drew asked, “Who should we use?” May thought for a minute and then said, “Well, for the appeal round, we just HAVE to use Abra and Ralts, just to teach Toil and Trouble a lesson.” “Ok, but what if we make it to the battle round?” “Hmm… I think we should go with Munchlax and Flygon.” “Hmm… ok, they’d make a nice team. He stood up and looked down at May. He held out his hand to help her up. He was a gentleman and it showed, “C’mon, let’s go get registered.”

    ~Backstage before the contest~

    May and Drew were sitting on a bench going over some tactics for the contest when Jason, (the winner of the Baby Pokemon Contest), and a gorgeous female friend of his walked up. May and Drew looked up. The girl was wearing a white tank top and a blue mini skirt. She wore blue, high top sandals with straps that criss-crossed up her legs stopping at her knee. Her belt was dark blue and had small latches to hold her Pokeballs. She had a gold wristband on each arm that went well with her wavy blonde hair. She wore a Beautifly pin; it was obvious that it was her favorite Pokemon. One of the most intriguing things about her was her barrette. It had a blue clasp, which wasn’t that abnormal. What was abnormal was that it had a Pokeball attached to it. Jason put out his hand, “We haven’t been formally introduced. I’m Jason, and this is my good friend, Ayra.” They shook hands and began talking about Jason’s win on the ship against Drew. Throughout the whole thing, Drew was quiet. Finally, to Drew’s relief, Vivian said, “Please welcome Jason, Ayra, and their Corsola Couple!” Ayra spoke in a calm, soothing voice, “That’s us! Let’s go Jason!” The pair jogged onto the stage side by side and each pulled out a Pokeball. They looked at each other, nodded, and threw them into the air. J: “Corsola!” A: “Pink Lady!” In unison: “Let’s do it!” Two Corsolas popped out in front of the couple. They held hands and leaned outward. J: “Corsola use Rock Blast at the ceiling!” Rocks blasted towards the ceiling and shattered on impact. A: “Pink Lady, Bubble!” The second Corsola shot bubbles at the falling rubble. The bubbles engulfed the rocks and floated around the stage, bouncing off of walls. J: “Use Sandstorm and Sunny Day combo!” A sandy tornado whipped all of the bubbles around until they merged and took some sand with them creating a large, brownish bubble that floated above the stage. A fake sun then appeared giving the orb an orangey-brown look. A: “Use Toxic!” Pink Lady Shot a purple acid, which added purple swirls to the floating mass of mess. J: “Get next to Pink Lady and use Spike Cannon!” A: “After it fires use Protect!” Corsola fired pins at the bubble, bursting it into a large pile of colored rocks falling to the ground. Just as the pink pair was about to be pummeled, Pink Lady conjured a protective green orb around them. The rocks bounced off of the orb and finally stopped falling and the Protect faded. Two Corsolas stood in the midst of rainbow rubble and in unison they said, “Corsolaaa!” The crowd erupted in a tsunami of cheers. Everyone was on their feet congratulating the couple on an amazing show of color and near death experience. To show their respect, Jason and Ayra had their Corsolas use Psychic to clear the stage for the next pair of performers. Once Jason and Ayra had gotten offstage, they sat with May and Drew and watched the monitor. Vivian walked onstage and announced, “Toil and Trouble, please come down onto the stage!” Nobody made a move to go onto the stage. Vivian got a little nervous, “Umm, Toil? Trouble? Are you here? I think you’d be better off onstage!” The crowd laughed a little at this. Suddenly, Vivian heard an odd noise and she looked up. Toil and Trouble were repelling from the ceiling! Vivian ran off to the side of the stage. Without speaking, oil released a Murkrow and Trouble released a Seviper. In unison, they shouted, “Haze!” The Pokemon emitted a black smoke that rolled across the stage and soon clogged the whole stage with the painful black fog.
    To: “Double, double, Toil and Trouble. Lightening flash and thunder rumble.”
    Tr: “Run away, flee the scene. From here to the stars and all in between.”
    To: “Toil!” She jumped out of the smoke.
    TR: “Trouble!” He too leapt from the black abyss.
    To: “Team Lightening,”
    Both: “Is crashing down!” They jumped to the sides of the stage. In unison, they yelled, “Scary Face!” Two pairs of red eyes began glowing from within the haze. To: “Faint Attack!” A purple silhouette could be seen of Murkrow as it shot out of the haze. Tr: “Seviper, use Poison Tail!” Seviper’s tail started glowing purple and it spun around making a large, purple, glowing circle in the middle of the abyss. The Murkrow, still in Faint Attack mode, flew to the center of the ring. The Crowd clapped but wasn’t very amused. They were clapping more out of pity than anything else. Toil wasn’t pleased. She recalled her Murkrow and stamped off stage. Trouble got scared and Called back his Seviper and followed her.

    Toil got back stage and walked up to May, “You had better watch you back because someday, I’ll get you, and it’ll hurt… a lot.” Trouble appeared next to her and was greeted with a, “C’mon, we’d better report to the boss.” “What about the battle round?” “We didn’t make it. Let’s go.” They turned and left the building. Drew turned to May, “Don’t listen to her. She’s just mad ‘cause they had a crappy appeal.” May looked indecisive, “…ok, I guess you’re right.” Vivian’s voice came over the speaker once more, “May and Drew, you’re up!” “Ok,” said Drew, “let’s go.” The pair walked out onto the stage and waved to the cheering audience, they had built up some popularity over the years. They threw their Pokeballs and each did their signature spins and hair flicks. Drew’s Pokeball revealed an Abra while May’s neon green Pokeball revealed her blue Ralts. The audience ooed and awed at the marvel. Vivian spoke, “Wow! Isn’t that amazing? It’s a blue Ralts!” May smiled and called out her first move, “Ralts, use Confusion on Abra!” Abra was engulfed by a blue aura and lifted into the air. It was Drew’s turn, “Abra, use a Teleport and Ice Punch combo.” Abra disappeared and reappeared. The confusion created blue streaks of light behind it and ice pillars erected wherever the Abra struck. Next came May, “Double Team and Shadow Ball combo!” Many blue Ralts began materializing around the stage and all of them shot black wads of pure energy at the ice pillars. The Shadow Balls made contact and shattered the pillars into thousands of icicle spears with little black flames hurdling toward the stage. “Abra, Psychic!” Abra Teleported in front of Ralts and waved its hands. The icicles stopped and moved down in front of Ralts with a purple glow. They were shot into the ground and seemed to form words. From above, it depicted a rose. The crowd rose to their feet to cheer loudly with their entire heart and soul. May and Drew waved as they walked off the stage.

    A few more trainers appealed and the time came to announce the top two pairs of coordinators. As soon as all of the audience votes were in, Vivian came out with the answer. “Our first pair of coordinators is Jason and Ayra!” The crowd cheered violently… in a good way. “And for our final pair, May and Drew!” The crowd cheered once again as the four coordinators made their way to the stage. The couples took opposite sides of the stage and took out their Pokeballs accept for Ayra. She stood with her hands on her hips, waiting. May noticed that Jason had taken out a neon green Pokeball, just like the one with her abnormally colored Ralts. Jason threw the ball and released a Ponyta with blue flames. “My, well isn’t that a horse of a different color?” commented Vivian. Ayra smiled and took off her barrette, pushed the button on the Pokeball that it held and shouted, “Belle, it’s your time to shine!” The Pokeball barrette popped open to reveal a Beautifly, it looked quite powerful and seemed to have lots of confidence from past experience. Drew sent out his Flygon, which naturally had a tendency to do an aerial back flip once released. Next was May, she threw her ball, spun, and revealed an adorable eater, Munchlax.

    May made the first move, “Munchlax, get in close and use Focus Punch on that Ponyta!” Drew followed her lead, “Flygon, Flamethrower!” Orange flames erupted from its mouth and licked the air as they blasted towards the Beautifly. A: “Belle, Gust!”

    Munchlax had closed in on Ponyta with its fist glowing white. J: “Bounce!” The blue flamed Ponyta leapt high into the air, causing the Focus Punch to be driven into the ground.

    The butterfly flapped its wings vigorously and a tornado was conjured just before the Flamethrower hit. In the center of the battlefield, a spinning vortex of air combined with the flames, which in turn created a spinning spiral of death.

    Ponyta began to fall from the sky, but rather than falling towards Munchlax, it fell to the center of the flaming vortex. Ponyta seemed to grow stronger from the flames that had engulfed it. May recovered from the distraction and yelled, “Solarbeam! Aim for the ceiling!” A: “Belle, stop it with a Silver Wind!” D: “Protect Munchlax with a Crunch attack!” J: “Fire Blast on Flygon!” Flygon was able to get in a Crunch attack on Belle, which stopped it from using Silver Wind. Bur unfortunately for Drew, Ponyta was quick as well. From within the flames, it blasted powerful flames the made painful contact with Flygon. Just as that happened, Munchlax loosed its Solarbeam at the ceiling. Large chunks of cement came hurdling to the stage. D: “Flygon, Dig!” M: “Follow Flygon!” J: “You too, Ponyta!” Flygon dove into the ground and was fallowed by Munchlax as well as Ponyta. Lucky for Belle that Ayra was a quick thinker, “Use Protect!” A green orb surrounded Belle, which barely was conjured in time because right as it happened, the rocks pummeled the Protect, ready to tear anything they could to shreds. A nice side effect of the falling death trap was that it dispelled the flaming vortex completely. Once the rocks stopped falling, Ponyta leaped from out from the rubble and seemed to be quite exhausted. May and Drew got nervous, maybe it wasn’t such a great idea after all. Just then, Flygon burst from the fallen rocks with Munchlax perched on its back. M: “Metronome!” Drew shot her a nasty look but decided to trust her. After all, she did know what she was doing… didn’t she?

    Munchlax’s pointer fingers started glowing as he rocked them from side to side. After a few seconds, the glowing subsided and a watery blue sphere formed in front o Munchlax. Drew smiled in relief, Water Pulse, which was very lucky. He turned to May, “Look at Ponyta. It’s to tired to move. She nodded, “Shoot the Water Pulse at Ponyta!” Jason got scared, “DODGE IT!” Ponyta tried to move but was stopped by a horrible pang in its front legs, jumping down a hole wasn’t such a smart idea after all. Water Pulse hit and Ponyta was struck down and was declared unable to battle. Just as this distracted them, Belle hurled itself into Munchlax. Ayra must have ordered a Tackle when nobody was paying attention. Munchlax was thrown off of Flygon and fell to the ground. Munchlax was then deemed unable to battle, as well. It was down to Drew and Ayra. Drew glared and yelled, “Rock Tomb!” Slabs of rocks jutted out of the stage and one hit Belle quite hard, but Belle was a fighter and was ready for more. “Belle, String Shot!” A silver stream of thread shot towards Flygon. “Dig!” Just as the string was about to hit, Flygon plummeted into the ground. “Damn,” muttered Ayra. They waited for what seemed like forever until finally, Flygon shot out of the ground and struck Belle. “Flygon, hit it with a Flamethrower. Before it recovers!” Flames, once again, shot from Flygon’s mouth. It hit Belle hard and slammer her into the wall. Ayra screamed, “BELLE!” She ran to her butterfly and whispered, “It’s ok! You did a great job, now get some rest.” Belle turned a transparent red and disappeared into the barrette ball. Ayra put the barrette back in her hair, stood up and walked over to Drew. “Nice job,” she whispered. She obviously wasn’t used to losing. “You were great too. For a minute, I thought you had us.” They shook hands ad the crowd erupted into a sea of clapping and cheering. The couples all shook hands and Vivian took Drew and May to the front of the stage. “Our winners are May and Drew! Congratulations! Both of you have earned 3 points. They will be added to your total and downloaded at the front counter.” She took on a new tone although stayed uncannily cheery, “Well folks, there you have it. A great battle from great coordinators. From the Slidell Contest Hall, Good night!” She waved and the crowd began to clear the auditorium.

    May and Drew had won and were able to make a few friends, and enemies, in the process. Was this the beginning to a winning streak or was it a strange fluke? Do they even have a chance in this new land? Keep reading and find out!

    ~~~

    So, what do you think? better? May and Drew have a win under their belts, nice confidence booster.

        Spoiler:- Chapter Four:


    corsolakid
    Last edited by corsolakid; 24th March 2007 at 1:38 PM.
    Currently working on a new Contestshipping story, and intrest, ideas or questions, just shoot me a pm!

    Currently looking for and

    If you have ANY of them and are willing to trade, send me a pm and we'll haggle over price. :] Thanks!

  20. #20
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    It was pretty good. Toil and Trouble kind of remind me of Harley in away. Except, Harley is nice to his pokemon.

    I like the shiny pokemon, it kept things interesting. I like May having a ralts anyway, it reminds me of the episode with Max and the ralts.

    It was good to have May and Drew win. Like you said, nice ego booster for them.

    Good chapter, one tip though, try spacing it out even more. I know you seperated it into paragraphs, but it was still fairly hard to read.

    Next chapter should be good. =)
    [IMG]http://i26.*******.com/246057s.jpg[/IMG]
    kyo sohma is my bishie (:

    &*heres__ to the note |she| wrote
    well RAISE a finger
    obscene g e s t u r e s , so she said
    but i only said sweet things to get you in b e d;

    touch me, tease me - a day away
    drew club + couples claimed ___.

  21. #21
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    Actually, i kinda did want Toil and Trouble to be the new Harley, i'm still not sure if i want him in the story. but he might come back later. if he's lucky. idk, it could be fun. maybe he'll make an appearence soon... like, in the next epi? just maybe...

    yea, i wanted May to have a shiny, it goes with her, "everything is beautiful" way of seeing things.

    I wanted May and Drew to win and i wanted their first win to be together. just kinda adds to the "are they in love?" thing.

    yes, spacing is deffinetly a problem for me. I'm learning though. Actually, it used to be worse, most of it was combined and i had to break it up multiple times and this is what i ended up with.

    Hopefully the next chapter isn't to boring, i'm not used to filler episodes. yea, i'm sorry, i said filler. maybe i can think of a way to make it a little more important than a filler... hmm, the gears are a turnin'! OH! i know what i'm gonna do! yay! *grabs pen and paper and starts scribbling notes*

    corsolakid
    Currently working on a new Contestshipping story, and intrest, ideas or questions, just shoot me a pm!

    Currently looking for and

    If you have ANY of them and are willing to trade, send me a pm and we'll haggle over price. :] Thanks!

  22. #22
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    wow great chapter. it wasen't boring. it has a lot description and show their skills. great chapter. yet it was funny of the names trouble and toil. but next time space it out. kind of hard to read.

    can't wait for the next chapter.
    keep on going.
    Always and forever be a Pokemon fan no matter wht happens or how old I am.
    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm is there any point of being happy?



    Which character are you test by Naruto - Kun.com

  23. #23
    Join Date
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    yup, spacing. seems to be the problem. Deff something to work on. will do.

    yea, the names are kinda odd, but I like them just the same. I had the poem stuck in my head and thought, duh, call them Toil and Trouble! yea, pretty much.

    corsolakid
    Currently working on a new Contestshipping story, and intrest, ideas or questions, just shoot me a pm!

    Currently looking for and

    If you have ANY of them and are willing to trade, send me a pm and we'll haggle over price. :] Thanks!

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
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    Great chapter! Spacing problems and slight spelling problems but that's all. Well, all I can say here.

    ~Ayra~
    "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevent, it is what you do with the gift of life, that determines who you are." -Mewtwo
    "The only thing we can be is ourselves, we can't be someone else, and someone else can't be us." -Kelly Smith
    3DS FC 1048-8196-8009
    Type:Flying
    Spearow, Woobat, Hawlucha
    ^Click to go to my Ribbon Sprites thread, in need of some ideas^
    Currently working on:
        Spoiler:- Ribbons I'm working on:
    [img]http://i44.*******.com/23t2pg8.png[/img]
    Credit to AWildMew for the Shinjoh Connection userbar

  25. #25
    Join Date
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    ok, time for spoilers. I've got the chapter maped out, it's just the matter of writing it now. Sorry to say it's kinda a filler. Only kinda 'cause someone is introduced that you won't know the sigificance of for another couple of chapters.

        Spoiler:- An old friend returns:


        Spoiler:- May gets:


        Spoiler:- Skitty:


        Spoiler:- Harley owns:


    corsolakid
    Currently working on a new Contestshipping story, and intrest, ideas or questions, just shoot me a pm!

    Currently looking for and

    If you have ANY of them and are willing to trade, send me a pm and we'll haggle over price. :] Thanks!

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