Future Fic/Comic

[SaigoKarasu]

This fic is currently in script format, the earliest stage in order to help me visualize the story and correct any problems with the dialogue. Chapter 1 is a full chapter but I am probably going to include another scene at the end, one that'll create some sort of plot (the first two chapters is introducing the characters). Chapter 2 is just a collection of unfinished scenes. Maybe I’ll just combine both chapters since it may help the story flow better. I'll finish up chapter 2 then revise it and fit in body language and actions to help bring them to life. Right now, Elyse is so damn static and completely lacking personality. Same can be said with a few other characters right now…

This will be turned into a manga only if the fic is well received. However, I might just skip to the comic. Right now, after the first scene, is just a collection of scenes. I’m trying to find the right balance of exposition and scenes and how to meld these scenes together while keeping a steady pace. I guess you can say I’m a bit of a perfectionist.

WARNING! It's still incomplete and there's a lot of rough edges to buff out.


http://saigokarasu.livejournal.com/1119.html


Any comments, constructive criticism, and suggestions are welcome. Don't hold back.

[SaigoKarasu]

Um...any comments?

[Yamato-san]

first off, don't double-post, be patient, and wait for replies. All stuff you should live by around here.

Anyway, I don't know what to make of it at this point, but I think in several situations, you were using cursing just for the hell of it. Sometimes, it fit, others... not so much. And why are you describing Serph from Celvice's point of view? When you're doing a script, I think you should just keep all your descriptions basic and to the point since they're not exactly blending in with the dialog.

Now, I've been in the same boat as you, trying to do a doujinshi but writing it in fanfic form as something of a draft. Let me tell you, first I wrote in a crappy narrative that I couldn't pull off well worth crap, then I revised it in a script format thinking it'd better fit with the manga format I intend for. Well, I don't know about you, but frankly, I don't think that worked as well as I'd hope. It was better than the narrative, certainly, but honestly, there's no predicting how it will all fit into a manga short of drafting each panel. Some things may be shorter than expected, others longer, you won't really know until it's drawn. Though I will say, if you read a bunch of shonen manga, you'd be surprised how quickly they manage to fill the pages with action scenes alone.

Oh, and if you're trying to post drafts of your story here for reviews and criticism before you do any drawing, you're seriously out of luck. Even if you manage to advertise decently enough, the sheer number of closet readers around here will drive you insane. It's not like some random n00b's opinion should mean much to you anyway. You're better off just planning out the manga in private and maybe keeping in touch with a few very trusted and well-opinionated individuals. If you insist on doing the script draft, you might wanna check out my old script version. I've since abandoned it and started planning directly for the manga, but several have told me that I pulled off the script format very well.