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Thread: Space, Time, and Dimension. Fortuneshipping and Fubatashipping. Rated PG

  1. #1
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    Default Space, Time, and Dimension. Fortuneshipping and Fubatashipping. Rated PG

    Well then, this is my second attempt at writing a fic, only this time, I now know what Shippings are in it, so I decided to put it in the shpping fic section. This fic is about Lukas, (The main boy character in Diamond and/or Pearl) Dawn, (The main girl in Diamond and/or Pearl), and Jun (The rival in Diamond and/or Pearl [The english name has not been anounced so i'm using the Japanese name, but I think i'll keep it the Japanese name]). The fic takes place in Sinnoh (I havn't seen any Sinnoh fics, so I think this is the first one, I said I think) and I think you can guess what the climax of the story can be by the title. So here is the first chapter of Space, Time, and Dimension, The dawn of a new journey. I'm keeping the fic in the default font of the forums in case some of you can't read my regularly used font. This chapter is rated "G"

    Chapter 1
    The dawn of a new journey!


    “Starly-star, Starly-star Starly Starly!” Ringed the light brown Starly alarm clock.

    “Ugh. Why’d I set that thing so early?! It’s barely 7:00 AM… where’s the snooze button?”

    He searched blindly for about a minute, while the clock just kept on chirping, then he remembered that the snooze button wasn’t a button; he had to push in its wing. It turned off.

    “Finally, some peace and…”

    “LUKAS!! WAKE UP!!” yelled a woman's voice.

    Lukas groaned. “Good ol’ mom to the rescue, if it’s not the Starly clock, its mom. Fine, I’ll get up!” Lukas shouted back at his mom. He climbed sleepily out of his pine-green sheets and headed towards his closet. He flicked on the lights, illuminating the closet in the process. He searched through his medium-sized closet in search for his favorite hat, it had been signed by Red about five years ago, when he first arrived in Sinnoh. Lukas had been a big fan of Red, and who wouldn’t be? He had already conquered the Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Orange leagues, defeated the Battle Frontier in Hoenn, and now he was going for Sinnoh. But that was a long time ago, now he was already in Orre, helping out with the Cipher crisis, it seemed like only yesterday he had arrived on the shores of Sinnoh waving his red and white hat at the crowd waiting to greet him when he got off the ferry. Lukas was one of the first, and since he had forgotten to bring his Signature Book, he had him sign his hat instead. He later thought that was better than signing some silly old book. He searched and he searched, but couldn’t find it anywhere. He started to panic, although when he panicked, he sometimes looked funny to other people.

    “WHERE’S MY HAT?!!!” After he had screamed that, a few Starlys and Bidoof ran away, frightened.

    Then his mom opened the door slowly, and came in with her hands behind her back. She had a warm smile on her face, when that happened, she usually had a surprise for him.

    “Alright, what is it?” asked Lukas curiously, and cocked an eyebrow.

    “Nothing, just a little Pokeball and a hat for my wonderful son. Happy birthday Lukas!” She walked over, placed the hat on his head, and hugged him.

    “Thanks mom! Where was my hat, I was looking all over for it!”

    “Really? I couldn’t tell, I washed it, you wear it everyday, it was getting kinda dirty.” It was true, he wore it everywhere, over to friends houses, to the store with his mom, when he helped his mom with her in the garden. That hat and him were inseparable, it was the only thing he has of his dad, he never met him, but his mom told him that he had gotten it for him when he was just a little baby, of course, it was too big for him then. “And stop screaming like that, you scared away my little helpers.” They both laughed, he felt kinda bad that he scared away the Starly’s and Bidoof that always helped his mom out in the garden. The Starly flew to places where they gathered berries for Johanna to plant, and the Bidoof dammed up a little stream by their house so that they could get clean water easily.

    “Thank you, so what’s inside the Pokeball? I’m dying to know!” asked Lukas excitedly, his eyes glowing and burning with curiousity.

    “That’s a secret, you can’t know until you go to Professor Rowan’s lab in about 30 more minutes.” replied his mother happily, and squeezed his cheek playfully.

    “Aaaww… I wanted to know now… oh well, thank you again!” said Lukas.

    “Oh! And there’s one more thing I forgot to give you, come down stairs.” his mother told him.

    Lukas followed his mom down the stairs and into the sunlit living room where they had many nice interiors that made the home look quite beautiful. His mother walked over to a desk and lifted a small parcel to Lukas.. “This came for you in the mail” She handed him a small postcard with three seperate pictures of different Pokemon.

    "Let's read it!" cried Lukas happily and tore the envelope to read the writing within.


    Dear Lukas,

    We have heard that you just turned twelve today, and would like to extend our happiest wishes to you for a wonderful birthday! But however, this is not why we are sending this letter. This is to remind you to come down to Professor Rowan’s Lab to receive your first Pokemon, we have also invited two other new trainers to the lab, so you may be able to make some new friends also, so please come down.

    Sincerely, Professor Rowan Staff.



    “So, you finally get to become a Pokemon Trainer, so have you decided what you’re going to do with your career?”

    “I think I’ll stick to a Pokemon Trainer.”

    “That’s a good choice; I was a Pokemon Coordinator when I started out, right Glameow?”

    “Glame!”

    “He he, well I guess we should eat breakfast now.”


    ~*~

    “DAWN! GET UP! YOU NEED TO GET TO PROFESSOR ROWAN’S LAB IN 30 MINUTES! GET UP!!” a womans voice roared.

    It was 9:00 in the morning. Dawn was startled and fell out of her bed and took all of the pink and light blue sheets and pillows along with her.

    Dawn was a tall girl, who had long navy blue hair, was quite girly and very determined to be the famous coordinator like her mother was, etc.”Oooww… that hurt.” She groaned. “Thanks mom…” She whispered to herself sarcastically. The wooden door to her room slowly opened and in came Dawn’s mother.

    ”Looks like you’re all ready to go, huh, Dawn?” asked her mother excitedly.

    “No… can I get dressed already?” Dawn retaliated sarcastically.

    “Of course sweetie.”

    “Thank you.” Dawn said kindly.

    Her mom left the room and she started to get dressed, she picked out a pink mini-skirt and a black tank top. Then she did her hair, she put two bright yellow hair clips to hold her hair back and then finally, she found a white and pink bandanna and made it into, what looked like, a hat. Finally she went downstairs, greeted Buneary and sat down to the table to eat breakfast.

    “So have you decided on what you’re going to do after you get your first Pokemon?” asked her mother, but she needn't, she knew Dawn would want to choose the same career path as she.

    “Yep! I’m gonna be a Pokemon Coordinator, like you were!” Dawn answered as she took a sip from her glass of orange juice. Her mother smiled at her warmly.

    “That’s a great idea. And have you decided on what Pokemon you’re going to get?”

    ”Of course, I’m going to get a Piplup, but if that’s already taken, I’ll get a Chimchar, they’re both very cute pokemon.” Dawn said, and started fidgeting with her fingers.

    “Yes, they are aren’t they?”

    “So what’s for breakfast?”

    ”I made some pancakes and blueberry syrup to go along with it.” The pancakes were golden brown and very fluffy, and the Blueberry syrup was nearly transparent, but still had a dark blue tinge to it.

    “They look delicious! How do you do it mom?” said Dawn, her mouth agape and could feel a trickle of salive dangling from her mouth.

    Well, you know how much I hate your father, so when I cook, I think of him getting burned, and cut...DUH!” She winked at Dawn and then started laughing, Dawn laughed as well. They ate their breakfast, and Dawn enjoyed every last bite.

    “Well, I have to leave, I have to get there in 10 minutes... 10 MINUTES! I’M LATE!” She grabbed her bag and gave her mother a massive hug and a kiss and ran out the door, she took her pink bike with her, as she pedaled furiously down route 201 her mother yelled, “Goodbye Dawn, and good luck, call me when you get there!” And very distantly, Dawn yelled back, “Don’t worry, I will!”

    Dawn could have betted that she heard a sob leave her mother, and her heart began to ache.


    ~*~

    “Well then, I guess I should get going now, it’s getting really late, and then they may not have any more Chimchar’s until who knows when, bye mom!” yelled Lukas.

    “Wait! Aren’t you forgetting something?” said his mother and her arms were crossed.

    “Like what?” Jun’s mom made a teeth brushing motion.

    “Huh?” She made another motion, this time pretending to comb her hair.

    “Ooohh. That something, gotcha.” He went upstairs to the bathroom to comb his hair and brush his teeth, his teeth were nearly flawless, perfectly white, and evenly spaced, except for the crooked one in the very back, but since it was in the back, and not a permanent one, he didn’t worry about it that much. He then combed his hair, His hair was silky smooth, but always curled upwards, much like his fathers. So he headed out the door and shouted back to his mom, “Bye mom! I’ll call you when I get there!.” Jun said as he walked out the door. His backpack was filled with important things for his journey, as well as the Pokeball that his mom had given him, she said that he couldn’t send it out until he got to Sandgem town, but he was dying to know. Before he left, he gave his mother a massive hug and a kiss. His curiosity was very overwhelming him, so he sent it out as soon as he was out of eyesight of his house and his mom couldn’t see what he was doing anymore. He threw It up in the air and a flashing white beam of light shot out from the center of the Pokeball. He could see a white silhouette of a beaver and when it came into light he could see it was a…

    “Bidoof, Bidoof, Bidoof-oof!” “A Bidoof? Why that?” Jun thought as he walked along side of his new companion.

    “So then, it looks like you’re my first pokemon then, huh?” asked Jun to the Bidoof.

    “Bid-oof!” It happily exclaimed. They walked along the dirt road on the way to Sandgem town, where all three People were to meet Professor Rowan in his lab.

    So then, that was the first chapter, I hope you enjoyed it! Thank you MistyLover for this great first chapter edit!

    ~PM LIST~
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    Last edited by once in a blue Mew; 29th May 2007 at 7:13 PM. Reason: Revamped first chapter thanks to MistyLover, and edited a few things on bottom comment.
    Stuff.

  2. #2
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    Corrections in bold! Dont forget to use space!

    Quote Originally Posted by once in a blue Mew View Post

    Chapter 1
    The dawn of a new journey!

    “Starly-star, Starly-star Starly Starly!” Ringed the light brown Starly alarm clock.

    “Ugh. Why’d I set that thing so early?! It’s barely 7:00 AM… where’s the snooze button?”

    He searched blindly for about a minute, while the clock just kept on chirping, “Starly-star, Starly-star Starly, Starly!” <--(No need for that again) then he remembered that the snooze button wasn’t a button; he had to push in its wing. “Starly-star, Staaarrrrrllllyyy…” <---(This is unnecessary as well.) It turned off.

    “Finally, some peace and…”

    “LUKAS!! WAKE UP!!” yelled a woman's voice.

    Lukas groaned. “Good ol’ mom to the rescue, if it’s not the Starly clock, its mom. Fine, I’ll get up!” Lukas shouted back at his mom. He climbed sleepily out of his pine-green sheets and headed towards his closet. He flicked on the lights, illuminating the closet in the process. He searched through his medium-sized closet in search for his favorite hat, it had been signed by Red about five years ago, when he first arrived in Sinnoh. Lukas had been a big fan of Red, and who wouldn’t be? He had already conquered the Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Orange leagues, defeated the Battle Frontier in Hoenn, and now he was going for Sinnoh. But that was a long time ago, now he was already in Orre, helping out with the Cipher crisis, it seemed like only yesterday he had arrived on the shores of Sinnoh waving his red and white hat at the crowd waiting to greet him when he got off the ferry. Lukas was one of the first, and since he had forgotten to bring his Signature Book, he had him sign his hat instead. He later thought that was better than signing some silly old book. He searched and he searched, but couldn’t find it anywhere. He started to panic, although when he panicked, he sometimes looked funny to other people.

    “WHERE’S MY HAT?!!!” After he had screamed that, a few Starlys and Bidoof ran away, frightened.

    Then his mom opened the door slowly, and came in with her hands behind her back. She had a warm smile on her face, when that happened, she usually had a surprise for him.

    “Alright, what is it?” asked Lucas curiously, and cocked an eyebrow.

    “Nothing, just a little Pokeball and a hat for my wonderful son. Happy birthday Lukas!” She walked over, placed the hat on his head, and hugged him.

    “Thanks mom! Where was my hat, I was looking all over for it!”

    “Really? I couldn’t tell, I washed it, you wear it everyday, it was getting kinda dirty.” It was true, he wore it everywhere, over to friends houses, to the store with his mom, when he helped his mom with her in the garden. That hat and him were inseparable, it was the only thing he has of his dad, he never met him, but his mom told him that he had gotten it for him when he was just a little baby, of course, it was too big for him then. “And stop screaming like that, you scared away my little helpers.” They both laughed, he felt kinda bad that he scared away the Starly’s and Bidoof that always helped his mom out in the garden. The Starly flew to places where they gathered berries for Johanna to plant, and the Bidoof dammed up a little stream by their house so that they could get clean water easily.

    “Thank you, so what’s inside the Pokeball? I’m dying to know!” asked Lucas excitedly, his eyes glowing and burning with curiousity.

    “That’s a secret, you can’t know until you go to Professor Rowan’s lab in about 30 more minutes.” replied his mother happily, and squeezed his cheek playfully.

    “Aaaww… I wanted to know now… oh well, thank you again!” said Lucas.

    “Oh! And there’s one more thing I forgot to give you, come down stairs.” his mother told him.

    Lukas followed his mom down the stairs and into the sunlit living room where they had many nice interiors that made the home look quite beautiful. His mother walked over to a desk and lifted a small parcel to Lucas.. “This came for you in the mail” She handed him a small postcard with three seperate pictures of different Pokemon.

    "Let's read it!" cried Lucas happily and tore the envelope to read the writing within.

    Dear Lukas,

    We have heard that you just turned twelve today, and would like to extend our happiest wishes to you for a wonderful birthday! But however, this is not why we are sending this letter. This is to remind you to come down to Professor Rowan’s Lab to receive your first Pokemon, we have also invited two other new trainers to the lab, so you may be able to make some new friends also, so please come down.

    Sincerely, Professor Rowan Staff.
    (NO QUOTATIONS IN A LETTER/NOTE, ETC. AND CHANGE THE FONT OF A LETTER SO THE READERS COULD KNOW.

    “So, you finally get to become a Pokemon Trainer, so have you decided what you’re going to do with your career?”

    “I think I’ll stick to a Pokemon Trainer.”

    “That’s a good choice; I was a Pokemon Coordinator when I started out, right Glameow?”

    “Glame!”

    “He he, well I guess we should eat breakfast now.”

    ~*~

    “DAWN! GET UP! YOU NEED TO GET TO PROFESSOR ROWAN’S LAB IN 30 MINUTES! GET UP!!” a womans voice roared.

    It was 9:00 in the morning. Dawn was startled and fell out of her bed and took all of the pink and light blue sheets and pillows along with her.

    Dawn was a tall girl, who had long navy blue hair, was quite girly and very determined to be the famous coordinator like her mother was, etc.”Oooww… that hurt.” She groaned. “Thanks mom…” She whispered to herself sarcastically. The wooden door to her room slowly opened and in came Dawn’s mother.

    ”Looks like you’re all ready to go, huh, Dawn?” asked her mother excitedly.

    “No… can I get dressed already?” Dawn retaliated sarcastically.

    “Of course sweetie.”

    “Thank you.” Dawn said kindly.

    Her mom left the room and she started to get dressed, she picked out a pink mini-skirt and a black tank top. Then she did her hair, she put two bright yellow hair clips to hold her hair back and then finally, she found a white and pink bandanna and made it into, what looked like, a hat. Finally she went downstairs, greeted Buneary and sat down to the table to eat breakfast.

    “So have you decided on what you’re going to do after you get your first Pokemon?” asked her mother, but she needn't, she knew Dawn would want to choose the same career path as she.

    “Yep! I’m gonna be a Pokemon Coordinator, like you were!” Dawn answered as she took a sip from her glass of orange juice. Her mother smiled at her warmly.

    “That’s a great idea. And have you decided on what Pokemon you’re going to get?”

    ”Of course, I’m going to get a Piplup, but if that’s already taken, I’ll get a Chimchar, they’re both very cute pokemon.” Dawn said, and started fidgeting with her fingers.

    “Yes, they are aren’t they?”

    “So what’s for breakfast?”

    ”I made some pancakes and blueberry syrup to go along with it.” The pancakes were golden brown and very fluffy, and the Blueberry syrup was nearly transparent, but still had a dark blue tinge to it.

    “They look delicious! How do you do it mom?” said Dawn, her mouth agape and could feel a trickle of salive dangling from her mouth.

    Well, you know how much I hate your father, so when I cook, I think of him getting burned, and cut...DUH!” She winked at Dawn and then started laughing, Dawn laughed as well. They ate their breakfast, and Dawn enjoyed every last bite.

    “Well, I have to leave, I have to get there in 10 minutes... 10 MINUTES! I’M LATE!” She grabbed her bag and gave her mother a massive hug and a kiss and ran out the door, she took her pink bike with her, as she pedaled furiously down route 201 her mother yelled, “Goodbye Dawn, and good luck, call me when you get there!” And very distantly, Dawn yelled back, “Don’t worry, I will!”

    Dawn could have betted that she heard a sob leave her mother, and her heart began to ache.

    ~*~

    “Well then, I guess I should get going now, it’s getting really late, and then they may not have any more Chimchar’s until who knows when, bye mom!” yelled Lukas.

    “Wait! Aren’t you forgetting something?” said his mother and her arms were crossed.

    “Like what?” Jun’s mom made a teeth brushing motion.

    “Huh?” She made another motion, this time pretending to comb her hair.

    “Ooohh. That something, gotcha.” He went upstairs to the bathroom to comb his hair and brush his teeth, his teeth were nearly flawless, perfectly white, and evenly spaced, except for the crooked one in the very back, but since it was in the back, and not a permanent one, he didn’t worry about it that much. He then combed his hair, His hair was silky smooth, but always curled upwards, much like his fathers. So he headed out the door and shouted back to his mom, “Bye mom! I’ll call you when I get there!.” Jun said as he walked out the door. His backpack was filled with important things for his journey, as well as the Pokeball that his mom had given him, she said that he couldn’t send it out until he got to Sandgem town, but he was dying to know. Before he left, he gave his mother a massive hug and a kiss. His curiosity was very overwhelming him, so he sent it out as soon as he was out of eyesight of his house and his mom couldn’t see what he was doing anymore. He threw It up in the air and a flashing white beam of light shot out from the center of the Pokeball. He could see a white silhouette of a beaver and when it came into light he could see it was a…

    “Bidoof, Bidoof, Bidoof-oof!” “A Bidoof? Why that?” Jun thought as he walked along side of his new companion.

    “So then, it looks like you’re my first pokemon then, huh?” asked Jun to the Bidoof.

    “Bid-oof!” It happily exclaimed. They walked along the dirt road on the way to Sandgem town, where all three People were to meet Professor Rowan in his lab.

    So then, that was the first chapter, I hope you enjoyed it! I don't have any people in my PM list, but nether the less, i'll make one right here;

    Oh, I would have liked one of the starters better and so would the readers.

    ~PM LIST~
    No one so far...
    A lot of corrections are needed. Dialogue is your worst problem, you know. And you definitely need to describe stuff more! And Jun should get one of the trio starters, really! AND DONT FORGET TO SPACE! Other than that, it was quite an enjoyable read. Count me in the PM List.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by MistyLover View Post
    A lot of corrections are needed. Dialogue is your worst problem, you know. And you definitely need to describe stuff more! And Jun should get one of the trio starters, really! AND DONT FORGET TO SPACE! Other than that, it was quite an enjoyable read. Count me in the PM List.
    Thank you for all of the corrections, and I plan on giving Dawn Chimchar, Jun Piplup and Lukas Turtwig, and I know that I kinda stink at dialouge, i'm kinda new to writing, and what do you mean "DONT FORGET TO SPACE!"? I didn't understand that. Why'd ya write in bold? (Sorry for the somewhat random question there...) and i'll try to describe more things in the next chapter. Thank you for the Reveiw!
    Stuff.

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    Isn´t the shipping for all three Characters from DP is Scarfshipping?
    Pikachu!----->
    Name:Kayla
    FC:1332 4525 1060
    searching for shiny mudkip!have one?pm me!

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    Well then, since no one's reviewed, I NOW HAVE CHAPTER 2!! Yay for me! here it is, please read, review, and enjoy!
    EDIT; oh yeah, and this chapter is rated "G"


    Chapter 2
    Professor Rowan’s lab, all three people meet


    Lukas walked at a leisurely pace, in no rush at all, seeing as how Professor Rowan’s lab was about a block or so from his house. He daydreamed about becoming the champion of the Sinnoh League, and then going on to Kanto to conquer the League and then he kept going on and on to him self about that. It took him about 25 minutes to get there, but when he did he was awe struck. The building was massive. It had about 4 windmills in the back, possibly to supply energy to the lab, and any excess to the city. The front looked very sleek and advanced, it was mainly made of glass but there were also steel frames supporting the structure, also to hold the glass in place. The roof was made of steel, with wood mixed in; it made a very nice combination with it. Then, in the far back left corner, there was a simple brick chimney. Lukas thought that it may be just for decoration, but he wasn’t entirely sure about that. He entered the modern building and then a huge room opened up before him. Inside there were all sorts of machines and gizmos and gadgets, but he saw something that caught his eye, a very pretty girl standing by a table, she had on a pink mini-skirt along with a black tank top, he almost instantly fell in love with her, it was love at first sight. But Lukas wasn’t the kind of person that barged up to a girl and said “Hi you’re pretty, please go out with me!” Lukas liked to find out how the person felt about him before he told her any of his feelings for said person. He walked up to the table they were all standing around. Lukas saw a boy wearing a red scarf, who later introduced himself as Jun, standing with a Piplup and a Bidoof beside him. Jun was wearing a orange and white striped t-shirt and some blue jeans, he was also carrying a light brown, almost khaki bag, it looked like something that a professor would carry around binders in or something along the lines of that, but he already had a Pokedex, his first two Pokemon and five Pokeballs.

    “Ah, you must be Lukas, we’ve been expecting you for quite a while now.” Said a loud, hearty voice from behind the trainers.

    “Huh? Who’s there?” Asked Lukas slightly surprised.

    “Why it’s me, Professor Rowan, who else?” Said Professor Rowan, slightly chuckling. Professor Rowan emerged from behind the beginning trainers and stood right in front of Lukas. He wore a brown lab coat and a blue vest underneath the coat. He also wore a pair of black jeans with brown shoes.

    “Oh, sorry about that, anyways, the postcard that I got today said that I should come down and get my first Pokemon and necessary items for my journey.”

    “Ah, yes, you’re the only one who hasn’t gotten his starter, so did you have an idea of which one you’d like?”

    “Well actually I wanted a Piplup, but if there isn’t any then I was going to pick a Chimchar, but I want anything except a Turtwig, those things are weak.” Lukas told the Professor

    “Uh… well actually, the only Pokemon I have right now is Turtwig, so it looks like you’re stuck with him… Sorry about that.” Said the Professor, smiling slightly embarrassedly at Lukas. Lukas couldn’t believe what he was hearing, having to start out with a Turtwig, but he hates those things ever since he was a child… One time when he was a baby, his mom took him with her to one of her friend’s houses. There, she had a pet Turtwig, the Turtwig wasn’t afraid to show it’s feelings to another person or Pokemon, and when the Turtwig saw Lukas, being it’s self, jumped up and playfully bite him on the head. Lukas, being a baby, immediately started crying and had been terrified of them ever since, but he covers it up by saying that he thinks that Turtwig are weak.

    “Oh, really? Are you absolutely sure that you don’t have any other Chimchar’s, or Piplup?” Lukas worriedly asked.

    “I’m sure, 100% sure about that; there aren’t any more Chimchar’s or Piplup in this laboratory.” Professor Rowan confirmed for Lukas, who was having a hard time accepting the fact that there weren’t any other starters.

    “Oh, ok, well if that’s all you have. Well, could I at least see the Turtwig?” Lukas asked the slightly annoyed Professor.

    “If you want. Ronald, bring over the Turtwig I had waiting for a trainer, will ya?” Yelled the Professor across the large room. “It’s on the way.”

    “Thank you.” Lukas replied. He wasn’t very hopeful that the Turtwig wasn’t different than the other one that he had met. When ever he saw a Turtwig, he usually ran away, in fear that it would do something worse than what the other one had done to him about 11 or so years back. He had never gotten over that phobia until he met this Turtwig. The assistant arrived about a minute after the professor had called. He was dressed in a white lab coat with dark green glasses and carrying a green and yellow turtle with a brown and black shell.

    “Turtwig turt-turt! Turtwig happily cried when he saw Lukas.

    “Hi to you too…” Lukas hesitantly said to the turtle.

    “Turt-turt turtwig?” It cried inquisitively, trying to ask Lukas something.

    “What’s he saying?” Lukas quietly asked the Professor

    “I think he’s trying to ask you if you’re its new trainer.” Rowan whispered back to Lukas.

    “Yes, I am, and I have a question for you, do you like to bite things when you’re happy?” Lukas asked the little Turtwig. It paused to think about what he was asking him.

    “Turtwig turt-turt wig-turt?” He said to Lukas in a questioning tone, like he was asking a question. Lukas didn’t respond, waiting for what he was going to do next. He then bit the arm of Ronald, who was holding Turtwig, jumped down next to Lukas and started nuzzling him with his head.

    “Aaaww… how sweet of turtwig… that’s so cute…” Dawn said.

    “Hehe, ya think so? Well, he seems nice, well I guess Turtwig won’t be so bad for a starter, Turtwig it is then!” Turtwig jumped up to Lukas and he caught him in his arms, he started to lick his face with his tongue.

    “Well then, if that’s your final decision, what color Pokedex do you want?” Professor Rowan asked the puzzled Lukas.
    “Excuse me?” Lukas replied.

    “Yes, you can choose what color Pokedex you want for your Journey.” He showed him all of the colors that there were, there was red, yellow, green, blue, purple and black.

    “I think I want a green one.” He said to Professor Rowan. Rowan handed him the green pokedex from the ones on the table on which he had laid them out, and in addition to the Pokedex, he also received 5 red and white Pokeballs. Lukas had now become a full fledged Pokemon Trainer!
    ~*~
    On their way out of the lab Dawn asked the two boys to travel with her, mainly because she started to like Jun a little, but she didn’t say that, she said that she thought that it was dangerous for a girl to travel alone though the world, almost immediately Lukas agreed, Jun wasn’t really paying attention, so Dawn and Lukas both said, “So it’s a yes?”

    “Huh? Yeah, sure, whatever.” Jun reluctantly said.

    “Oh Jun, you’re so cool when you act like that…” said Dawn somewhat dreamily. Jun slightly moved a little farther away from Dawn, and Lukas sent out Turtwig. “Why’d ya send out Turtwig, Lukas?” Dawn asked Lukas.

    “Oh, um… so that he could get some fresh air, yeah that’s it!” Boy! That was a close one…

    “Hey, that’s a good idea! Go, Chimmy!” Dawn tossed out a Pokeball covered with a crystalline shell, with a little flame engraved on it, it also had a little heart sticker above the flame, but it was really called a seal. Out came another beam of light, but instead of it being white like normal Pokeballs, the light was pink.

    “Chim-chimchar chim!” Cried the little fire monkey. Chimchar was the fire type starter of Sinnoh, it’s the color orange with some pale yellow on its stomach and face, it also has a flame for a tail, and a little spiral on its stomach. When it came out, little pink heart circled around it briefly.

    “Why were there hearts around, err, “Chimmy” when she came out?” Lukas asked Dawn.

    “See, the day before I left, my mom had put six crystal covers in my bag, along with some stickers for the balls, or “Seals” as they’re commonly known as, but I call them stickers.” She replied.

    “Oh, that’s kinda cool, do you have any extras for, oh, I dunno, me perhaps?” Lukas asked Dawn.

    “No, I don’t think so… oh! Wait, yes, I do, she packed 12 for me, how odd. So I guess that you can have one… wait, never mind, you can have two.” She exclaimed.

    “Huh? How did you know that I already had another Pokemon with me?” Lukas asked her.

    “I didn’t, but now I do!”

    “Hehe, that was good. So can I have them or not?” Lukas asked Dawn impatiently.

    “Of course, here.” She handed him two crystalline orbs that looked like Pokeballs only that they didn’t have anything inside, they were only covers.

    “Um, excuse me, yeah, can you two stop your flirting and start moving towards Jubilife City or not?” Jun said impatiently. Lukas turned a light shade of pink and then it gradually got darker and the area it covered got bigger. And then they both yelled at Jun,

    “WE WERE NOT FLIRTING!!” Lukas blushed more and Dawn started to giggle at Lukas because he had turned cherry-red.

    “So then, how do we get to Jubilife City?” Lukas asked Jun, who was the map holder of the group.

    “Well, first we would have to get on route 202” He pointed west, “and then just keep going north until we get to Jubilife City. Sounds easy enough, right?” Jun explained to Lukas and Dawn.

    “Uh-uh, and another question, how are we going to get there with no food, I’m getting kinda hungry.” Lukas asked.

    “… uuh… good point, how ‘bout we stop in a restaurant?” Dawn suggested. Jun made his pockets shake a bit, and then pulled them inside-out

    “No money, great, how are we going to survive?” Dawn commented.

    “Wait a second, don’t Pokemon Centers have food that’s free for trainers?” Lukas thought up.

    “Yeah, we could stop there and have some lunch!” They all praised Lukas for a moment and went off in search for a Pokemon Center.

    I felt that this was a long chapter, but I also added some more details, and spaced out the dialouge, please review!
    Last edited by once in a blue Mew; 10th April 2007 at 4:18 AM. Reason: Made a edit :P
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    Talking I like it.

    Hello there! I realy like your fic once in a blue Mew. I particularly liked the part about Lukas's hat, cause I have a hat just like that! Though I think that this is clearly more of a Fortuneshipping fic than a Fubatashipping fic, but only time will tell. Oh yeah, may I please be on the PM list? Anyhow Great fic, I hope to read more soon.

    Sincerely,
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    Quote Originally Posted by Absol Master View Post
    Hello there! I realy like your fic once in a blue Mew. I particularly liked the part about Lukas's hat, cause I have a hat just like that! Though I think that this is clearly more of a Fortuneshipping fic than a Fubatashipping fic, but only time will tell. Oh yeah, may I please be on the PM list? Anyhow Great fic, I hope to read more soon.

    Sincerely,
    Absol Master
    Hehe, thank you! I just hope that more people like it, and I also hope that more people will review it... Yeah, all of the shippings are one-sided, as in, they're too blind to notice that another person likes them. Lukas is crazy about Dawn (And no one likes him :P). Dawn is crazy about Jun and is too blind to see that Lukas holds her very close to his heart. Again, please review!
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    i like ur story! it's pretty interesting. i like where it's going. it could use a bit more description (i didn't know what a Starly was) but that's okay. add me to the PM list please!
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    I like it so far but I did notice one thing. In the second chapter, "Uh-uh, and another question, how are we going to get there with no food, I’m getting kinda hungry.” Lukas asked.
    “… uuh… good point, how ‘bout we stop in a restaurant?” Lukas suggested.
    Unless Lukas likes to agree with himself in the second person and no one finds it wierd, you should fix that.
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    Quote Originally Posted by LordPancho View Post
    I like it so far but I did notice one thing. In the second chapter, "Uh-uh, and another question, how are we going to get there with no food, I’m getting kinda hungry.” Lukas asked.
    “… uuh… good point, how ‘bout we stop in a restaurant?” Lukas suggested.
    Unless Lukas likes to agree with himself in the second person and no one finds it wierd, you should fix that.
    Whops, sorry I didn't see that when I was writing, i'll fix that ASAP! (As soon as I finish my HW...)
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andren View Post
    Could you add me to the PM List? Thank you in advance!
    Do you think you could like, review or something?
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    Quote Originally Posted by David Beckham View Post
    Pretty good. I'd say 10/10
    Put me on the PM l;ist
    Thank you, I will, and Chapter 3 is coming soon, and I also have a question, was there any particular part that you liked or was it all good?

    And finally for about a week, I give you... CHAPTER 3!!! please R&R!!


    Chapter 3
    Night at the Pokemon Center, why’d we have to wait?!

    Lukas and friends reached the nearest Pokemon Center in hopes of free food. They approached a somewhat large Building with a red roof. Something caught Dawn’s attention, a poster that indicated that there was a Pokemon Super Contest happening in Jubilife City.

    “Hey guys, come and check this out, a Super Contest in Jubilife, isn’t that where we’re heading too?” She asked.

    “Yeah, hey that looks like fun, maybe I’ll try!” Lukas replied.

    Or if I didn’t know better, you’re trying to get closer to Dawn, in which case… Jun thought quietly. Dawn waved a hand in front of Jun’s face, he slightly jumped.

    “Wha’d ya do that for?” Jun angrily said to Dawn.

    “It looked like you were daydreaming. You were, weren’t you?!” Dawn playfully taunted, trying to see how he would react.

    “I was not, I was thinking about… things.” Jun slightly hesitated to say things, but stayed calm through most of the sentence.

    “Yes you were, yes you were!” Dawn probed further into his patience. She also giggled after taunting him. Jun just ignored her; he knew that she was trying to figure him out. They also didn’t notice that Lukas had already gone inside to start eating, his Turtwig was eating with him, but he was on the floor.

    “HEY, LUKAS, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL IS THAT YOU WERE ALREADY EATING?!” Dawn and Jun screamed.

    “You didn’t ask, you were too busy flirting outside.” Lukas had made a slightly funny comeback, and on top of that, used Jun’s previous remark. They were obviously stunned, mostly Jun.

    “We weren’t flirting, she simply thought that I was daydreaming about her, which I wasn’t. I was thinking.” He turned to Dawn when he said “thinking”. But Dawn was sitting next to Lukas already, eating along with him.

    “Aha,” Dawn said with a slightly filled mouth, “So you do like me.” She started giggling to her self again.

    “No, I don’t.” Jun tried to argue with her but before he could;

    “If you say you don’t,” She winked at Lukas who was now looking up from his food at the both of them. “Then why’d you say that you weren’t daydreaming about me when I never even said that outside.” Jun was sitting down when she said that. He stopped right in mid-air.

    Dang! I didn’t expect this… what can I do? Maybe I should stop for now… Jun thought to himself. “So what’s for lunch? I’m hungry!” Jun happily exclaimed.

    Something’s not right… why’d he change the subject like that? Something’s up, does he have something planned? Dawn thought to her self. Oh well, it’s probably nothing.

    “It’s some type of sandwiches. I think it’s chicken, yeah, chicken with… mayonnaise, ketchup, and mustard.” Lukas answered. Nurse Joy came up to them and asked;

    “Is everything doing ok? Would your Pokemon like some rest?”

    “Well, I think that really depends on Bidoof and Piplup, how ‘bout you ask them?” Jun called out his Pokemon, out of the Pokeball shot out two beams of white light and then appeared Piplup, the water penguin, and Bidoof, the beaver. “Hey guy’s, do you wanna check it out??” Jun asked his little Pokemon.

    “Bid-oof!” Jun assumed that meant yes.
    “And you Piplup?” Jun then turned to the blue penguin standing on the pink tiled floor.

    “Pip pip, Piplup!” Jun also assumed that it meant yes, but then again, he didn’t really know.

    “I think that’s a yes, nurse.” Jun then turned to the pink haired nurse and she nodded.

    “I’ll need their Pokeballs before I take them, it’s standard procedure.” Jun handed her the Pokeballs and she left for the back, the sign with a little needle lighted up, it meant that there was a Pokemon being healed in there. About three or so minutes passed and then she came back to Jun, she handed him the Pokeballs and he sent them out.

    “Piplup-pip!” Cried the little light-blue penguin, flapping his arms like wings.

    “Bidoof-bid-bid!” Happily cried the light-dirt-brown beaver, proudly showing his teeth.

    “How adorable! They’re both so cute!” Dawn said. They all ate their lunch and then were on their way to the door when Turtwig spotted a playground for Pokemon and their trainers.

    “Turtwig! Turtwig! Turt-turtwig!!” Turtwig was biting at Lukas’s pants and tugging them.

    “What is it?” Lukas also noticed the playground and tapped the other trainers.

    “What…” They turned around and saw Turtwig with a longing face and looking towards the playground. The look on Turtwig’s face made them feel, almost bad for him. This was a thing that turtwig was very good at, when ever he made that face, they couldn’t help but give him what he wanted.

    “Hey,” Dawn whispered into Lukas’s ear, “How ‘bout we all play there, along with our Pokemon, it’ll help us bond with ‘em.” Lukas felt odd, he couldn’t describe it, but, in a way, it felt nice to him when she was whispering to him, like somewhat of a chill ran down his spine when she did that, after all, he face was really close to his cheek, nearly on top of him, of course, it lasted a few seconds, because it only took her a short while to say what she said.

    “Of course, yeah, that’s a good idea.” He whispered back. Dawn called out her Chimchar, or “Chimmy” as she called her. Like the last time, instead of the light being white, it was pink, like last time, and again, like last time, little hearts flew around it for a little bit and then faded away. Lukas threw his other Pokeball in the air, and it revealed… a Starly.

    Whoa! How cool, she gave me a Starly! Thanks mom! The light was yellow, combined with a light shade of blue. When Starly appeared, a few sparks surrounded it and then faded, and in it’s place, came a short flash of blue, kinda like a smoke bomb, but the gases nearly evaporated away when they finished. The Starly was a light shade of grey on it’s belly, it’s tail was black and then white, alternating the pattern for three feathers. It’s beak and feet were orange, and looked sharp, like they could cut clean through a watermelon. And on his head, was a little patch of feathers that looked like a cowlick, that never stayed down.

    “Starly, Starly! Starly!!” Starly was overjoyed to finally be out of the Pokeball for such a long time, it had been in there for two days. It flew around the roof of the Pokemon Center and then landed on Lukas’s shoulder. They then headed to the Playground. About three hours passed, they swung on the swing, they slid on the slide, and they ate again, by the time they had finished and their Pokemon were exhausted, they went outside, but it was too dark to go any further.

    “Aaww… it’s too dark, now we’ll never make it to Jubilife City this way…” Dawn was definitely disappointed.

    “Well then, we’ll just have to sleep here in the Pokemon Center.” Lukas said, also slightly sorrowful. They went in through the sliding doors into the brightness of the Pokemon Center’s inside.

    “Nurse Joy, do there happen to be any rooms left for us?” Jun asked politely.
    “Well, we do have a room left, but there’re only 2 beds left.” The nurse looked slightly disappointed that they didn’t have any room for all three of them.

    “Aw, that’s ok, I’ll sleep on the floor, it’s no big deal.” Offered Lukas.

    “Really, are you sure, if you want you could bunk with me, I don’t mind” Dawn offered. Lukas thought about it for a second.

    Well, it is really nice of her to do that, but then again… Lukas thought, almost regretting saying what he said next...

    “You’re absolutely sure about that?” Lukas confirmed.

    ”Yeah, don’t worry, we’ll fit, it’s not like you’re fat or anything.” She joked. After agreeing, they headed through the double doors and got to room 013. They entered the room and turned on the lights. There were 2 medium beds, one on each side. The covers were light blue, almost like Dawn’s pillows. Lukas headed towards the door in the room, inside was a small-one person bathroom, he pulled out a pair of pajama pants and a grey shirt. He swapped the clothes quickly and zipped up his bag. He exited the room quickly and went to the door called 'LAUNDRY' down the hall. The nurse had said that they do laundry every day at night, and so they told him that they should leave their clothes in there and that they’ll wash them, but that they had to put the clothes in a bag with their room number and name. He placed them in and set them on the top of the large pile, there were about 20 bags in all, including his, but there would be at least 22, if not more, if he told the others. He headed down the hall and entered the room.

    “Hey guys, the laundry room’s down the hall, the nurse told me that you should leave your clothes in a bag with your room number and your name on it and that they’ll wash it during the night.” They both nodded, they were both in their sleep ware. They both headed down the hall.

    “I like your shirt. It has nice colors on it.” Dawn commented.

    “Thanks, yours too. You also have really nice eyes.” It was true; she had beautiful light blue eyes. Dawn started to turn light pink. “Oh, why do you always do that, I say something nice about you and then you turn pink or sometimes red. It looks kinda funny.” She instantly turned back to her regular skin color and then got mad.

    “Are you insulting me? Why do you think that I look funny when ever I do that? And I can’t control what color I turn, I could turn the color orange, and I probably wouldn’t notice until I passed a mirror.” Jun started laughing when she said, “…turn the color orange…” Then Dawn started laughing too. They reached the room, placed their bags on there and then left, they resumed talking, but mainly it was Dawn talking, she yammered on and on about how she’s going to train really hard for the contest so that she could win her first ribbon. Jun was walking, and he hardly said anything on the way back. Then they entered the room and Lukas nearly jumped from the bed.

    “AAAHH!!!” He screamed. “Oh, it’s you guys, you nearly gave me a heart attack.”

    “You too, what’s your problem, screaming like that, ya know, there’s other people here besides you.” Dawn scolded him. Lukas probably couldn’t say anything, seeing as how Dawn had made a very generous offer.

    “Ok, ok, I understand, I’ll try to not do that anymore, it’s a bad habit of mine.” After that, they all got into bed, and watched a little TV and then all fell asleep.

    So? What'd ya think?! It took me a long time to write this, but I made it long to make up for lack of updates! Please R&R!!
    Last edited by once in a blue Mew; 15th April 2007 at 3:56 PM. Reason: Made some adjustments.
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    This is great! Quite funny, I just love how Dawn makes fun of the two boys! I am starting to love Dawn quite a lot now. This is seriously great and you have been improving greatly! Good job.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MistyLover View Post
    This is great! Quite funny, I just love how Dawn makes fun of the two boys! I am starting to love Dawn quite a lot now. This is seriously great and you have been improving greatly! Good job.
    Wait, you mean my character, Dawn, or the other one, the Anime one? And thank you!
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    Man, Dawn is like a professional at Mind Games. Doesn't she have any other Pokemon besides "Chimmy?"

    Lukas is kind of forgetful...Poor Starly, being stuck in a PokeBall for 2 days...

    And Turtwig already controls Lukas with it's face. Poor Lukas.

    And finally Jun. He walks into every mind trap Dawn sets. He seems like me, not able to think things through before he says them.

    By the way, you capitalized "watermelon" in the paragraph where Starly appears.

  16. #16

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    I like Dawn (The one in your fiction ) quite a lot now.She's....smart.I like smart people a lot.I wish she had a second pokemon like the other trainers.Does she ?It should be the first stage of Luxray.

    Lucas gives me an impression of Ash.The main male Protagonist, apparently likes to eat.I can't believe he didn't let out his Starly for two entire days.He must be forgetful.

    Jun is the person who is most subject to endure Dawn's smartness.And he says things without thinking.The other two are going to become a trainer and a co-ordinater, so what will he become ?

    One thing unoriginal is that the female always go for the contests and the males always go for the Gyms.I've found this in most fics.In the other few fics, all 3(sometimes 2)of them are trainers.Also there should be a little humour in the fiction.
    Mistakes:
    He swapped the clothes quickly and zipped up his bag. He exited the room quickly and went to the door called “LAUNDRY” down the hall. The nurse had said that they do laundry every day at night, and so they told him that they should leave their clothes in there and that they’ll wash them, but that they had to put the clothes in a bag with their room number and name. He placed them in and set them on the top of the large pile, there were about 20 bags in all, including his, but there would be at least 22, if not more, if he told the others. He headed down the hall and entered the room.
    Double colons(") indicate that someone is saying something ,you should put a single colon(').
    It’s beak and feet were orange, and looked sharp, like they could cut clean through a Watermelon.
    It should be capitalized.
    Last edited by ultimate_pokemaster; 15th April 2007 at 3:53 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ultimate_pokemaster View Post
    I like Dawn (The one in your fiction ) quite a lot now.She's....smart.I like smart people a lot.I wish she had a second pokemon like the other trainers.Does she ?It should be the first stage of Luxray.

    Lucas gives me an impression of Ash.The main male Protagonist, apparently likes to eat.I can't believe he didn't let out his Starly for two entire days.He must be forgetful.

    Jun is the person who is most subject to endure Dawn's smartness.And he says things without thinking.The other two are going to become a trainer and a co-ordinater, so what will he become ?

    One thing unoriginal is that the female always go for the contests and the males always go for the Gyms.I've found this in most fics.In the other few fics, all 3 3 (sometimes 2)of them are trainers.Also there should be a little humour in the fiction.
    Mistakes:

    Double colons(") indicate that someone is saying something ,you should put a single colon(').

    Watermelon shuold not be capitalized.I'm capitalizing it here because it is the start of a sentence.
    Ah, thank you.

        Spoiler:- BIG STORYLINE SPOILERS!!! DON'T CLICK UNLESS YOU WANT TO SPOIL THE STORY!!!:
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    I like it... so far it has a nice plot...
    for me it's like this...

    Lukas is like Ash ... always eating and stuff

    Dawn is like May ... such a Girly-girl ... ugh...i hate girly-girls

    and Jun is somewhat like Gary ... well sorta...

    i was expecting Dawn to get Piplup ... but if you say so...

    oh and bTw can you add me to the PM list...? tnx in advance

    //:sparkie
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    Quote Originally Posted by pika_angel View Post
    I like it... so far it has a nice plot...
    for me it's like this...

    Lukas is like Ash ... always eating and stuff

    Dawn is like May ... such a Girly-girl ... ugh...i hate girly-girls

    and Jun is somewhat like Gary ... well sorta...

    i was expecting Dawn to get Piplup ... but if you say so...

    oh and bTw can you add me to the PM list...? tnx in advance

    //:sparkie
    Thank you, and I will! And who said that Lukas eats all of the time? But you've given me a good idea as to present my funny thing for chapter 4... to the top of the Micosoft Word page!!
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    You did a great job.^w^ohh...lukas is gonna sleep with Dawn in the same bed.>.>
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    Default Happy!!

    A NEW CHAPTER!!! YAY!!SO HAPPY! (clears throat) ahem, ya, as I was saying, I liked the character developement a lot, especially for Jun, and the description was better too. Over all you're doing great, please, pleaseeeee write more soon! Oh yeah here's the parts I wanted to comment on:


    “HEY, LUKAS, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL IS THAT YOU WERE ALREADY EATING?!” Dawn and Jun screamed.

    “You didn’t ask, you were too busy flirting outside.” Lukas had made a slightly funny comeback, and on top of that, used Jun’s previous remark. They were obviously stunned, mostly Jun.

    “We weren’t flirting, she simply thought that I was daydreaming about her, which I wasn’t. I was thinking.” He turned to Dawn when he said “thinking”. But Dawn was sitting next to Lukas already, eating along with him.

    “Aha,” Dawn said with a slightly filled mouth, “So you do like me.” She started giggling to her self again.

    “No, I don’t.” Jun tried to argue with her but before he could;

    “If you say you don’t,” She winked at Lukas who was now looking up from his food at the both of them. “Then why’d you say that you weren’t daydreaming about me when I never even said that outside.” Jun was sitting down when she said that. He stopped right in mid-air.


    LOL, I loved that part, it's so funny!


    “Turtwig! Turtwig! Turt-turtwig!!” Turtwig was biting at Lukas’s pants and tugging them.

    “What is it?” Lukas also noticed the playground and tapped the other trainers.

    “What…” They turned around and saw Turtwig with a longing face and looking towards the playground. The look on Turtwig’s face made them feel, almost bad for him. This was a thing that turtwig was very good at, when ever he made that face, they couldn’t help but give him what he wanted.


    Another funny part! You just gotta love those sad puppy dog eyes!


    Whoa! How cool, she gave me a Starly! Thanks mom! The light was yellow, combined with a light shade of blue. When Starly appeared, a few sparks surrounded it and then faded, and in it’s place, came a short flash of blue, kinda like a smoke bomb, but the gases nearly evaporated away when they finished. The Starly was a light shade of grey on it’s belly, it’s tail was black and then white, alternating the pattern for three feathers. It’s beak and feet were orange, and looked sharp, like they could cut clean through a watermelon. And on his head, was a little patch of feathers that looked like a cowlick, that never stayed down.


    Good description,


    “Nurse Joy, do there happen to be any rooms left for us?” Jun asked politely.
    “Well, we do have a room left, but there’re only 2 beds left.” The nurse looked slightly disappointed that they didn’t have any room for all three of them.

    “Aw, that’s ok, I’ll sleep on the floor, it’s no big deal.” Offered Lukas.

    “Really, are you sure, if you want you could bunk with me, I don’t mind” Dawn offered. Lukas thought about it for a second.

    Well, it is really nice of her to do that, but then again… Lukas thought, almost regretting saying what he said next...

    “You’re absolutely sure about that?” Lukas confirmed.

    ”Yeah, don’t worry, we’ll fit, it’s not like you’re fat or anything.” She joked.


    Woah! what is this fic rated again? You really had me worried there, but you kept it "G", hooray for you!


    “Thanks, yours too. You also have really nice eyes.” It was true; she had beautiful light blue eyes. Dawn started to turn light pink. “Oh, why do you always do that, I say something nice about you and then you turn pink or sometimes red. It looks kinda funny.” She instantly turned back to her regular skin color and then got mad.

    “Are you insulting me? Why do you think that I look funny when ever I do that? And I can’t control what color I turn, I could turn the color orange, and I probably wouldn’t notice until I passed a mirror.” Jun started laughing when she said, “…turn the color orange…” Then Dawn started laughing too.


    The eyes are very important, if you ask me, and another funny part!

    Sincerely,
    Absol Master

    P.S. I tried to use quotes but it didn't work... oh well I'll figure it out sometime!
    Last edited by Absol Master; 17th April 2007 at 6:30 AM.
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    Oh well, thank you for the review, and yeah, I really didn't struggle to keep it "G", I thought for a slight millisecond that I might, but then again, they're pre-teens, WTF are they capable of, right? And yeah, I have about half of the chapter done, but the stupid TAKS test are getting in my way... (Those are really big tests in the whole state of Texas) I plan on finishing it on Friday or maybe post it on Sunday or Saturday. Please keep reviewing!
    Stuff.

  23. #23
    Join Date
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    another great chapter! it's pretty funny. dawn knows what she's doing!
    and you have TAKS too? So do I, it's tough huh. One more tomorrow! anyways, i hope to read more soon!
    Check out my new website for information on CC and future fics.


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  24. #24
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    In a gerbil cage
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    705

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    Quote Originally Posted by ellie-chan View Post
    another great chapter! it's pretty funny. dawn knows what she's doing!
    and you have TAKS too? So do I, it's tough huh. One more tomorrow! anyways, i hope to read more soon!
    Thank you! Also, THANK GOD THE TAKS IS OVER!!! I just have to brace myself for the Writing TAKS next year in 7th... *shudders* I can never write what the prompt tells me too... how bad. Will someone else please review, I plan on posting the new chapter this weekend (Seeing as how I get D/P on Monday...)
    Stuff.

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    my own little world
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    540

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    i'm just gonna ask but...why am i not on the PM list??

    just askin because maybe you just forgot to add me ...heehee

    //:Sparkie Electrii & ChuChu
    s a y o n a r a
    29/10/2013

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