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Thread: The Sevii Islands Saga

  1. #751
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    I'll keep you posted on AIM. As for a preview...well I gotta select the right part of the chapter, copy and paste it, and post it here. So I dunno when it'll be up. Soon though...hopefully.


    Sorry guys, I hate to do this with 3/4 of a chapter done, but I gotta put this on its first ever official hiatus until June 14th. I am litterally collapsing from the workload at the end of the year. I promise to have the new chapter and at least one re-write for ya guys then ok? There is just way to much going on this month....its the home stretch, and I'll be back in action the 14th.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
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  2. #752
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    Awww.... okay. I'm taking a while for my Fic too, but for other reasons explained at my Fic. Can't wait until June 14 though!!

  3. #753
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    Oh yeah, I'm sorry BA. I have the usual end of the year workload, city, county and State track meets, SAT II Subject Tests, my girlfriend, Umpiring, and the lawn. I really have no time to write until Finals end on June 13th. So we'll be back up and running the 14th. Expect great things over the Summer.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
        Spoiler:- Review Policy and Image Credit:

  4. #754
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    Hiatus would mean postponing any more updates, right?

    I must say that I have a last-minute workload for eighth grade, too. Algebra exams soon. I'm kinda stressed.

    Good luck on your track meets (our track team just finished their season) and the SATs. I see you got another girlfriend (lol). Have fun umpiring (is that a word?) and mowing the lawn (fun; that's one of my dad's pastimes, lol).

    Yay, I just realized this is the first time I'm posting in like, months!!!!!

    Mmk, byeas for now!! Can't wait until SIS's hiatus thing goes void!
    ~Keep on truckin'!~


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  5. #755
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    BM22!!!! Hey. Thanks for all the well wishes, and yes, hiatus means postponing any updates. Lol yeah, I have another girlfriend...well its complicated, but we've been dating for a very long time. If you really wanna know specifics, pm me.

    I promise guys, June 14th.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
        Spoiler:- Review Policy and Image Credit:

  6. #756
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    Gah talk about the eviless of the end of the shool year >.< (getting pounded with work myself a little 0.0). Meh oh well at least the readers have a rewrite to look forward to^^
    My fic Inner Light
    Rated PG-15. Chapter 1 redone!.
    Chapter 15 A Rival to Come

    Banner credit to ubelieveblyorange ^_^
    (Yes I will actually continue the fic, and I am working on remake chapters at the moment)

  7. #757
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    Dude...this is awesome. I wish I had kept up with this before.

    Your style of writing has developed throughout this whole fic, it is easy to see that. It definetly has improved, let me tell you!

    Your description is good-it could use work, but nothing a little hard wok won't fix, eh?

    Can't wait to see more of what you have to offer, MM.

  8. #758
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    Haha, thanks Porygon! I'm glad your following it now, and your input is greatly appreciated.

    And yes LL, I am being pounded beyone belief, but dont worry, you'll have something to look foward to soon.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
        Spoiler:- Review Policy and Image Credit:

  9. #759

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    Quote Originally Posted by Manaphyman View Post
    BM22!!!! Hey. Thanks for all the well wishes, and yes, hiatus means postponing any updates. Lol yeah, I have another girlfriend...well its complicated, but we've been dating for a very long time. If you really wanna know specifics, pm me.

    I promise guys, June 14th.
    NOOOOOO, all the way until June 14th? I just started reading this last night and I was hooked. Please add me to the PM list. This is great fic, I hope another chapter appears before then! Good luck writing it!
    MICHAEL: 1976-8969-1555

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buraddo_Aipom View Post
    Lindsey is the only main character who is female. It's four guys and only one person in the group doesn't have (insert male genitals here)

  10. #760
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    Haha, its great to see a new reader, I'll add you asap. I'm actually flattered that your hooked, and I will try my very best to get a new chapter up soon, but for now, we're on hiatus.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
        Spoiler:- Review Policy and Image Credit:

  11. #761
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    Ok, I'm still only up to chapter 26 (I haven't read yours for a while until today), but I've noticed a few things. While you improve a lot through the course of the fiction, there're a few things that bug me even now.

    “I’m John Woodward, of Four Island.” He introduced, motioning to his friends. “That’s George, and Joey. Their last names are not important.”
    That right there sums up one of them. John and Lindsey are the only real characters in your fiction. Mike, Joey, and George are hardly there. They never do anything outstanding. They don't even have last names. I don't even remember who has what Pokemon among them.

    Basically, they're pointless. If you're gonna put a character in your fic, put enough effort into them to make them actually memorable.

    My second qualm about your writing is this: Don't make a new paragraph for every single sentence. It is insanely annoying. A paragraph should be at least 5 or 6 sentences long, unless of course people are talking, then each new person speaking should be a new paragraph.

    One last thing that I noticed particularly in chapter 26... you say Its'. When you're using the possessive form, just use its. If you're using the it is form, then use it's. Its' does not exist.

    That's all for now; I may add more once I catch all the way up.

    EDIT: By the way, I'm not trying to be Mr. Negative. I like your fic, just... fix some things...
    Last edited by Dresden; 19th May 2008 at 3:19 AM.


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  12. #762
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    That right there sums up one of them. John and Lindsey are the only real characters in your fiction. Mike, Joey, and George are hardly there. They never do anything outstanding. They don't even have last names. I don't even remember who has what Pokemon among them.

    Basically, they're pointless. If you're gonna put a character in your fic, put enough effort into them to make them actually memorable.
    They're John's friends, accompanying him on his journey. They qualify as main characters, and their last names are....not important. I didn't give Lindsey a last name until the latest chapter! Those three have gotten plenty of chapter time, Mike even got a whole chapter devoted to him. The One-Shot also features George and Joey a bit more. You should remember at least some of their pokemon, but since Joey and George dont battle, it may be hard.

    My second qualm about your writing is this: Don't make a new paragraph for every single sentence. It is insanely annoying. A paragraph should be at least 5 or 6 sentences long, unless of course people are talking, then each new person speaking should be a new paragraph.

    One last thing that I noticed particularly in chapter 26... you say Its'. When you're using the possessive form, just use its. If you're using the it is form, then use it's. Its' does not exist.
    Your relatively new to fanfiction, so I'll cut you some slack here. You add a new paragraph depending on the flow of the story. You dont just lump everything together like you did, or what I did in my older chapters. Flow is neccessary, and that's why I added a lot of new paragraphs.

    And yeah, I have horrible grammar. Thats why I got a beta.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
        Spoiler:- Review Policy and Image Credit:

  13. #763
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    Yes, I'm new to fanfiction, but I'm not new to books. You don't have dozens of one sentence paragraphs. Check any book you want, you will not see that. Please don't speak down to me, I'm five years older than you and have probably read a good deal more. I'm not just talking out of my ass here. No real author writes a book with an endless amount of one sentence paragraphs.

    And your beta must not be very good, because there's still a lot of grammatical errors I see.

    And how are their last names not important? If nothing else, that line makes John seem like an incredible *******. It's kind of like 'hey, here are my friends, just ignore them'. I am aware that those three have gotten some screen time, but not enough to really make them stand out at all. I realize John and Lindsey are the main characters, but as I said before, if you're gonna have secondary main characters, at least give them enough to make them memorable.
    Last edited by Dresden; 19th May 2008 at 4:48 PM.

  14. #764
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    Yes, I'm new to fanfiction, but I'm not new to books. You don't have dozens of one sentence paragraphs. Check any book you want, you will not see that. Please don't speak down to me, I'm five years older than you and have probably read a good deal more. I'm not just talking out of my *** here. No real author writes a book with an endless amount of one sentence paragraphs.
    Wow buddy. I'm allowed to do whatever I want here. I'm not speaking down to hear, I'm just stating a fact. I have more experience than you in this field. Read a good deal more? You may be older, but I can guarantee you have not. Fanfiction is completely different, and not to mention, you are exagerrating and being condescending.

    And your beta must not be very good, because there's still a lot of grammatical errors I see.
    Please leave duncan out of this. He is a fantastic beta and didnt pick up betaing my works until Chapter 25.

    And how are their last names not important? If nothing else, that line makes John seem like an incredible *******. It's kind of like 'hey, here are my friends, just ignore them'. I am aware that those three have gotten some screen time, but not enough to really make them stand out at all. I realize John and Lindsey are the main characters, but as I said before, if you're gonna have secondary main characters, at least give them enough to make them memorable.
    Your opinion. I have used John's last name twice in all 31 Chapters and my One shot. It isnt important. My secondary characters are memorable, they have reasonable screen time, just not as much as the main characters. Hence, secondary characters.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
        Spoiler:- Review Policy and Image Credit:

  15. #765
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    About the whole Joey/George/Mike thing: I wouldn't qualify them as main characters. I say that they are inportant, but to me they are more "people who are just 'there' " I don't feel as connected to them as I do with John and Lindsey. I actually don't remember all of their Pokémon off the top of my head, but I could think of at least half of their teams. I know one has an Aipom ^_^

    An I just realized something.... Lindsey is the only main character who is female. It's four guys and only one person in the group doesn't have (insert male genitals here) - Sorry bout that, but I had to type that.... couldn't have said it better.

  16. #766
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dresden View Post
    Yes, I'm new to fanfiction, but I'm not new to books. You don't have dozens of one sentence paragraphs. Check any book you want, you will not see that. Please don't speak down to me, I'm five years older than you and have probably read a good deal more. I'm not just talking out of my ass here. No real author writes a book with an endless amount of one sentence paragraphs.

    dude chill, seriously. And he's right, in fanfiction you can NOT have more than 3 to 4 LINES in one paragraph, except maybe when describing one single dome or house, and even so it is not advisable.


    And your beta must not be very good, because there's still a lot of grammatical errors I see.

    Real mature, bringing in a great beta to a discussion he is not even in through flaming

    And how are their last names not important? If nothing else, that line makes John seem like an incredible *******. It's kind of like 'hey, here are my friends, just ignore them'. I am aware that those three have gotten some screen time, but not enough to really make them stand out at all. I realize John and Lindsey are the main characters, but as I said before, if you're gonna have secondary main characters, at least give them enough to make them memorable.
    Easy dude, their last names should be stated, thats true, but its no reason to go all jack*** and "look at me I'm five years older than you". He is right, get over it and don't spam.

    Quote Originally Posted by Buraddo_Aipom View Post
    About the whole Joey/George/Mike thing: I wouldn't qualify them as main characters. I say that they are inportant, but to me they are more "people who are just 'there' " I don't feel as connected to them as I do with John and Lindsey. I actually don't remember all of their Pokémon off the top of my head, but I could think of at least half of their teams. I know one has an Aipom ^_^
    That is better than me. I know Mike has a bulbasaur, Joey has an aipom and George has a Rhydon.... Right?

    If anything, I'd make one of them a breeder and the other.......
    Right pokemon needs more jobs....

  17. #767
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nie
    That is better than me.
    Really??? (LOOK DOWN)

    Quote Originally Posted by Nie
    I know Mike has a Bulbasaur.
    I didn't even know this... when did it happen? I only know about Aipom cause I noticed it when they were talking about Joey training it. I knew George had a Rhyhorn cause of the chapter when it tried to swim, but miserably failed. I do remember it evolving now that I think of it.

  18. #768

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buraddo_Aipom View Post
    Lindsey is the only main character who is female. It's four guys and only one person in the group doesn't have (insert male genitals here)
    I am so sigging this.
    MICHAEL: 1976-8969-1555

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buraddo_Aipom View Post
    Lindsey is the only main character who is female. It's four guys and only one person in the group doesn't have (insert male genitals here)

  19. #769
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    Just going to throw this out there. I know about as much as MM's fic as he knows of mine seeing as we have cross over characters. The 3 secondary characters are a good part of this story and without them this story wont be as good, aswell as the for sequal, I can state that they will play a much bigger roll, but thats all I will say.

    Comming in as a new person to fanfiction you have no right to start picking apart someone who's been doing this for a year or more, you dont like the fic, dont read it.

    Anyway MM dont pay any attn to it, he doesnt know what he's talking about so just dont let it sit in your mind, anyway keep up the good work and keep me posted on chapter progress
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  20. #770
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    @Everyone. Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it. The teams are posted on the front post btw. Again, I really really appreciate it. Basically, everything you guys all said was 100% correct.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
        Spoiler:- Review Policy and Image Credit:

  21. #771
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dresden View Post
    Yes, I'm new to fanfiction, but I'm not new to books. You don't have dozens of one sentence paragraphs. Check any book you want, you will not see that. Please don't speak down to me, I'm five years older than you and have probably read a good deal more. I'm not just talking out of my ass here. No real author writes a book with an endless amount of one sentence paragraphs.

    And your beta must not be very good, because there's still a lot of grammatical errors I see.

    And how are their last names not important? If nothing else, that line makes John seem like an incredible *******. It's kind of like 'hey, here are my friends, just ignore them'. I am aware that those three have gotten some screen time, but not enough to really make them stand out at all. I realize John and Lindsey are the main characters, but as I said before, if you're gonna have secondary main characters, at least give them enough to make them memorable.
    I don't mean to stir something else up, but I feel I need to say something.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Fan Fiction Rules
    All chapters also must have the proper paragraphing; chapters consisting solely of large blocks of text will be asked to be edited immediately. Remember: a new paragraph begins every time a new person speaks or a new topic is discussed, and when starting a new paragraph you must press the Enter button twice (to skip one line since we can’t indent and it’s difficult to read otherwise).
    I do understand where you're coming from if you mean that sometimes the paragraphs are bit off, but in Fan Fiction sometimes that's necessary to avoid large blocks of text.

    And about me...while it's true I had only just started betaing him at the point where you are, I'll admit I really don't mess with the grammar all that much. Seeing as I'm probably worse than MM anyway, I only just pick out easy stuff I notice. I mainly go over description and dialogue. Still though, if you'd like to single me out feel free.

    Short of that, though the bridge is already probably burned, your review had some valid points. Keep in mind, of course, that much of this was written quite a while ago. Manaphyman continues to get better, and I doubt that will stop anytime soon.

  22. #772
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    Jeez MM, your fic certainly is attracting a lot of attention. ^_^

    Compared to the majority of the works here, I find it a relief to see small paragraphs. Makes it easier to read. It just goes to show how we each have our own original styles.

    Or whaever, meh. -_-

  23. #773

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    Yea, this makes it much easier to read. :P
    MICHAEL: 1976-8969-1555

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buraddo_Aipom View Post
    Lindsey is the only main character who is female. It's four guys and only one person in the group doesn't have (insert male genitals here)

  24. #774
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    And about me...while it's true I had only just started betaing him at the point where you are, I'll admit I really don't mess with the grammar all that much. Seeing as I'm probably worse than MM anyway, I only just pick out easy stuff I notice. I mainly go over description and dialogue. Still though, if you'd like to single me out feel free.

    Short of that, though the bridge is already probably burned, your review had some valid points. Keep in mind, of course, that much of this was written quite a while ago. Manaphyman continues to get better, and I doubt that will stop anytime soon.
    Thanks duncan. I apprecitate the defense, and it all means a lot comming from you. I don't really think your grammar could be possibly worse than mine, but hey, its no big deal. You beta what's important, and that's why my latest chapters have been so successful. I am continuing to improve with your betaing, and the aid of all my reviewers. Thank you all!

    @Porygon and bluedolphin- Lol, your input is appreciated.

    Latest Chapter- 5: Don't Pressure Us

    Chapter 6: Up All Night Current Status- First Draft in Progress.
        Spoiler:- Review Policy and Image Credit:

  25. #775
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    Wow, I didn't know that everyone in this thread had so little respect for reviewers. Remind me not to post my opinions in here again; don't want my head chewed off, too.
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