Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Ai Kotoba [PG - Franticshipping]

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    On the event horizon
    Posts
    407

    Default Ai Kotoba [PG - Franticshipping]

    Hey there, it's Rider. Rider, as in, Bell/MiniMinun/Aquarius or whatever other names I've had. xD; It's been a looong time, and at one point, I completely lost interest in pokemon, and my two favorite manga ships, Franticshipping and Oldrivalshipping. So you'll see a lot of FranticOldRival goodness in this story.

    Anyone who's read my past stories knows that I like making character's other then the ones in the main ships interact more often then ones in the actual shipping, so I'm sorry if that's not quite what you're looking for. This takes place in a more medival setting, and I'm very very sorry if everything seems strange, because I'm trying to get back into writing Fanfiction, something I haven't done for Pokemon in a long time.

    And I'm also trying to remember the things about Frantic and Oldrival I don't remember anymore. xD; So please, bear with me, and if you decide to read this story, all I ask is a little review. And if you get really bored of my story, then my Author notes, which are always ridiculously long, are always interesting. xD It's good to be back, ladies and gents.

    (If I've done anything wrong, please PM me!)

    - - - - -

    Proluge: Royal Pains




    “OW! What do you think you’re doing???”

    “Please Miss, I’m almost done!”

    I heaved an unladylike sigh, and the old snot-nosed ancient piece of flesh who was watching me get tortured clucked her tongue like a chicken.

    “Do not sigh like so, you will simply make the job harder for Marionette. It’s your own fault you eat so recklessly that you need wear a corset.” She snapped at me. I made a face at her in the mirror, forgetting that mirrors reflected things. Seline clucked her tongue again and I rolled my eyes.

    “Young lady, please do not make such faces. It will stretch your delicate skin. And please do not roll your eyes. It is completely devoid of all good manners.”

    “Yeah, well I think you’re just spewing a load of-“ I inhaled sharply in surprise and shrieked a word which made Seline stamp her foot.

    The old woman seemingly found the energy to nitpick at everything I said and did, her gray hair turning greyer with each passing day. The more wrinkles and gray hairs I saw atop her girafarig-like neck, the more satisfied I was. She was currently lecturing me on lady-like speech, which didn’t include profane and unpleasing words. Everyday she wore the same thing; a gray dress that matched her gray hair and eyes. Seline had sharp, unpleasant features, and her fingers were like a Murkrow’s talons, constantly reaching out at me and making me sit still, or making me sit straight, or even making me stand up straight. Honestly, she was like a ruler!

    “All finished Miss.” Marionette said, asking me to sit at the vanity so she could brush out my hair.

    I’m supposed to sit with this piece of wood around me???

    “Sit!” Seline snapped sharply.

    I sat.

    Marionette was usually the girl who helped me get ready when important people were coming. Like the Nobleman that was coming from Kanto to discuss the raging war that Jhoto had waged with the desert of Orre. Hoenn, my home, was lead by a peaceful and jolly King. That was, my father King Birch. Seline was constantly complaining about him letting me run free, about him not stopping me when I ran in the mud and swung around on the tree branches in the forest that surrounded the grand stone castle I had always lived within.

    Seline complained constantly about me being 15 and not having a fiancee yet.

    I was 15, not 50 like her. I mean, Jesus Christ, I wasn’t one of those girls who wore maybe two pieces of cloth that were just wide enough to cover the important parts down in the pubs where Father’s control had never been able to reach.

    “Please raise your head Miss.” Marionette said politely in her light feathery voice that was possibly the complete opposite of my own, a bold tone that screamed with each passing word, ‘You got a problem with me? No, I didn’t think so.’ But whenever someone was doing something to my head, I had a habit of lowering my head for some reason. It was so mysterious, but Seline thought I was trying to forsake my title as Princess.

    Yeah, I wouldn’t mind that at all.

    I certainly didn’t look like a princess. I usually used the tree wax and combed my chesnut hair into two clumps on either side of my head to keep them out of my way, and was usually clad in a brown leather skirt that was much shorter then mid-thigh, and a white peasant shirt. Seline said a leather belt racked with pokeballs and a sword would complete my look and make sure that I got attacked downtown for looking like a pirate’s woman. Not to mention, she would always add, my eyes were a sapphire blue that looked like drops of the ocean in the sunlight.

    She never said that my eyes looked just plain blue when they weren’t in the sun, because that was not a ladylike comment.

    Today, that Nobleman I mentioned earlier would be having dinner with my small family of me, Mother, and Father. That’s why Seline was so intent on making me look proper.

    “Look at what that wax has done to your hair!” Seline was crying out, “So dry!! So crinkly! Are you really a Princess?!”

    “Why,” I started in a ladylike tone, “No, I don’t believe I am.”

    Seline glared at me and I smiled a small, satisfied smile.

    “There you go Miss.” Marionette put the silver brush back onto the vanity and I stood abruptly.

    “Can I go now?”

    “Of course not.” Seline snapped, “Not in your underdress with your corset for the world to see! I should die the day you do so!”

    I made for the door, but Seline stopped me with her talons.

    “Now, I think a rich blue dress should do for tonight. Marionette! Fetch the lantern sleeved dress, the one that reaches the knees. You know which one. A pair of plain black slippers and the black and white choker should also do nicely. Quickly now, you bumbling girl!”

    I ground my teeth together, but was swiftly corrected by Seline who flicked my cheek with her sharp fingernails. Any harder and she would’ve ripped my skin off, I swear.

    After all the hectic catfighting and protest, Seline finally forced me into the blue dress, which was thankfully lace free, and much plainer then what she usually chose.

    “I heard that the Nobleman from Kanto dislikes women, so I needn’t make you stand out too much. He will stay and discuss with your Father the dilemma of which side Kanto and Hoenn should take in the War of the East. Thus, for the next month or so, you are forbidden from wearing anything that will attract anyone’s attention.”

    “This blue is like, a hideous blue! You don’t think he’ll notice?!” I snapped bitterly at the old ***.

    “It’s a very plain blue. You’re late, now hurry!” Seline replied snippily and pushed me out of my chambers. I stomped through the halls into the Grand Hall, screaming over my shoulder at Seline, “MISS ***, DON’T BOTHER TRYING TO FIND ME AFTERWARDS!!!”

    I escaped into the Grand Hall just to find Father smiling wryly at me and Mother holding back a laugh.

    And an unknown man dressed in black pants and a loose linen fisherman’s shirt with flowing sleeves, save for the fishy smell and the fishy stains. His tawny hair jut out in all directions, and his steely blue eyes stared at me, and only me.

    “She’s not very educated in her manners, is she?” He finally said in a calm voice after five minutes of embarassing silence.

    I turned beet red and forgot all dignity, as usual, storming down the stairs and putting my hands on my hips as I stood right in front of him, yelling, “Excuse me?? It’s not like I don’t talk about people, but at the very least, I do it behind their backs!!”

    He didn’t seem amused in the slightest. What a stiff man. Perfect for Seline.

    “I see. Very well, I shall refrain from criticizing your barbaric actions in public. Forgive my lack of knowledge on how to behave about Princess’ like yourself.” He bowed, sarcasm imminent in every flat tone of his speech, mockery obvious in his half-bow, and complete indifference in the way he stood and spoke.

    “She has a short temper.” Mother smiled and the man nodded.

    “I haven’t the slightest doubt.”

    I was about to shout at him again but he stopped me by holding his hand up, saying, “You need not shout. I have excellent hearing, and I am indeed, listening to your words.”

    For once in my life, I, Sapphire Birch, was at a loss as to what to say. Should I yell and lose my pride? Talk normally and not get my annoyance across?

    “Would you like to be shown to your room before we start the meal?” Mother asked pleasantly.

    “It would be preferrable, if it doesn’t impede on the schedule Your Highness.” He said bowing politely, “But I have yet to introduce myself. I would not feel right, trespassing on your hospitality without at least your knowledge of my name. I am Green Oak. I thank you for welcoming my prescence in your home.”

    I raised an eyebrow and hissed at him so my parents wouldn’t hear, “Polite little snit aren’t you?”

    He ignored me and listened to my parents introduce themselves, before he turned his eyes on me. I blinked and glared at him before I realized he was silently inquiring for my name.

    “Sapphire.” I said plainly and he looked to Father as if uninterested.

    “Now then, I should much appreciate it if I could put my things down and change into something more suitable for a meal. I apologize to have presented myself before you in my riding clothes.”

    “No apologies, one of the servants will show you to your room.” Said Father.

    Green shook his head and said, “That will be unesseccary. I’m sure Sapphire will consent to showing me there herself.” I stiffened and widened my gaze at him. The minute we were out of Father’s sight, I would give him a good slug and show him who he was messing with. How dare he suggest that I would consent to anything that included him being anywhere near me?! A hypocrite like him. I wouldn’t deny I was arrogant, but himself! He was repulsively arrogant! Manners my butt, his personality cut like a sharp butcher’s knife!

    I grumbled curse words as we ascended the stairs that led to the sleeping chambers. As soon as we turned the corner, I clenched my fist to dish out his punishment, but he interuppted me, saying in a voice that was soft enough so that it didn’t reach Father and Mother, “I met a girl on my way here.”

    I blinked. So what?

    “She is incredibly similar to yourself.”
    Get to the point.

    “I was wondering if…” He paused. It was a first, as he seemed the type to always be bold and sure with his words and plow through a speech as if it were topsoil.

    “If you knew her name.”

    I raised my eyebrow and said, “Green,” Notice, I gave him no title, “I know not of anyone who resides outside of the castle, as I am a Princess, not a merchant’s daughter. I’m sure you could find yourself a name in the library, but I must dare to ask, why you need the name of a commoner?”

    “Ah,” Green shrugged, his blank face staying stark blank, “She stole my sword.”

    I stopped.

    “Whatever did she do that for??”

    He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, disinterested in the topic now, “I may have unconciously called her something that was less then complimenting. Or maybe something in my manner offended her. I’m not quite sure.”

    I rolled my eyes, “You are surely the most sensitive man I have ever met.” I plowed through the halls and whipped open the door to the room that had been designated to the less-than-noble nobleman, and announced, “This is where you will stay. If you have any questions or need anything, you need only send the Minun sleeping on the nightstand searching for it’s partner, who will lead a servant to you.”

    Green nodded and entered the room. The last thing I saw before I shut the door was him throwing a leather drawstring bag onto the bed. It was a miniscule pack, and I wondered if that was all he had really brought.

    Or maybe that girl he’d mentioned earlier stole more then just his sword…








    - - - - -

    I'm very very sorry that Green or Sapphire may be out of character. This is just a sort of proluge, so I can feel out what I'm doing. Criticism is very much appreciated! Unfortunately, since I'm a busy person, I won't be doing a PM List, but it's not like this is all that great a story, so I might be being a little presumptious, thinking anyone would want to be on a PM List. >.<

    Thanks to patrickstar for PMing me so much and inspiring me to do another fanfiction. ^^ This fanfiction is dedicated to patrickstar~

    Please tell me if you like the way this fanfiction is going so far, as I'm personally a little iffy on it. xD;

    (Spelling errors are always corrected, so be sure to glare a hole in your monitor looking for them! *shot*)
    Last edited by Rider; 26th April 2007 at 10:49 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Switzerland, Europe
    Posts
    1,469

    Default

    hey, Frantic and OldRival...my two favourite Manga ships...God bless you for writing this. God bless you patrickstar for making her write this !

    I am going to enjoy this, that's a guarantee

    Quote Originally Posted by Rider View Post
    her light feathery voice that was possibly the complete opposite of my own, a bold tone that screamed with each passing word, ‘You got a problem with me? No, I didn’t think so.’
    ok, so the description until that point is "vivid" to say the least, a very clear conception of what people Sapphire sees every day.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rider View Post
    “Of course not.” Seline snapped, “Not in your underdress with your corset for the world to see! I should die the day you do so!”

    I made for the door, but Seline stopped me with her talons.
    ...she does have an evil side...

    Quote Originally Posted by Rider View Post
    And an unknown man dress in black pants and a loose linen fisherman’s shirt with flowing sleeves, save for the fishy smell and the fishy stains. His tawny hair jut out in all directions, and his steely blue eyes stared at me, and only me.

    “She’s not very educated in her manners, is she?” He finally said in a calm voice after five minutes of embarassing silence.
    oh...that's one way to brake the silence

    Quote Originally Posted by Rider View Post
    For once in my life, me, Sapphire Birch, was at a loss as to what to say. Should I yell and lose me pride? Talk normally and not get my annoyance across?
    there's a first for everything...especially when the person you're arguing with is Green...(I prefer to call him Green, original raw has always had a higher place in my heart than dubs, you'll excuse me for that ^_^')

    Quote Originally Posted by Rider View Post
    I wouldn’t deny I was arrogant, but himself!
    I think you should use a "he" instead of "himself" it sounds more...natural ?...dunno..I'm not too sure right now xD

    Quote Originally Posted by Rider View Post
    “If you knew her name.”

    I raised my eyebrow and said, “Blue,” Notice, I gave him no title, “I know not of anyone who resides outside of the castle, as I am a Princess, not a merchant’s daughter. I’m sure you could find yourself a name in the library, but I must dare to ask, why you need the name of a commoner?”

    “Ah,” Blue shrugged, his blank face staying stark blank, “She stole my sword.”
    oho...typical for Blue (Green in the US version...)

    Quote Originally Posted by Rider View Post
    Or maybe that girl he’d mentioned earlier stole more then just his sword…
    this is the kind of lines I love, you don't know if it's some item she's talking about, or she did steal something more important...his heart...

    double entendre..figure of speach I admire and use most of all...


    Well this fic is very promising, I'm definately going to want to read more of it

    if you're doing a PM list, don't bother putting me on it, as I kind of often pop up in these parts, so I see when an update's up...plus it will save you some time xD

    keep up the great work !
    Last edited by shadow_shipper; 25th April 2007 at 7:10 PM.
    Because of serebiiforums, my Life has been put on hold...

    ...wait, that sounds wrong...
    ...yeah, it's the other way around.

    My Works : A, B, C, D, E

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    On the event horizon
    Posts
    407

    Default

    xDD Thank you so much, I certainly wasn't expecting a review in one day! (I tend to end up in review droughts.)

    Oh gosh!! I totally didn't realize that I was addressing him wrong! I used to call Green by his Japanese name as well, but I haven't read Pokespecial in such a long time I've completely forgotten! xD; I'll be changing that up, so I hope that doesn't confuse you!

    Blue= Girl
    Green= Guy.

    I've got it down now. xD;

    As for that last sentence, wow, you're right! xD; I actually wasn't going for that, but you make a very good point! However, it's a bit early in the story for someone like Green to be liking anyone, he just wants his stuff back. You'll see in the next chapter how Blue managed to nab his stuff~

    For the third to last quote, I'm not sure myself. Now that I re-read it, it sounds really awkward. xD;

    Thank you for reviewing! (Remember, reviews make Rider motivated to write upcoming chapters!)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    In A House
    Posts
    7

    Default

    I’m not surprised to learn that it’s not as much of a bad story as you said it was. Your writing is decent on a whole, pretty straight forward, nothing too flashy or complicated going on. I wonder if the lack of elegance in the writing was intentional. Perhaps, meant to symbolize Sapphire’s own lack of elegance? Even if that’s the case, the metaphors and general attitude Sapphire holds towards Seline is enough to get the point across. She hates Seline. I don’t feel like profanity was entirely necessary, not to mention unsuitable for a forum like this. It’s a bit distracting to see “***” all of the sudden in the middle of text. Note that I’m not familiar with any of the characters in this story, so if she uses that kind of language often in the manga, then you can ignore my statement.

    It’s not so bad though, as you didn’t overdo it, and generally portrayed Sapphire’s character very well; a rebellious, immature, rude, ungrateful little brat ... a royal pain the arse to sum it up. She’s not particularly a likeable character in my eyes. Using the first person narrative, and weighing such heavy negative characteristics with little to no positives in the main character, would make it hard for someone like me to continue reading on. I’m not saying she should be a goody-two-shoes, Ashy-washy, type of character, but maybe you should’ve focused more attention on why she behaves the way she does. It would help me understand her better and give me the opportunity to empathise with her. Right now she’s just the stereotypical rebellious princess. Seen too many of those. Meh, but that’s only my opinion on Sapphire. Seline, I didn’t like either. It would be practically impossible to like her through Sapphire’s eyes. But Green’s cool, big up to him for dealing with someone like Sapphire in a rational and calm way.

    Oh yeah! I picked up a few grammatical errors but didn’t bother to take note of them while I was reading. D:

    -- I raised an eyebrow and hissed at him so my parent wouldn’t hear, “Polite little snit aren’t you?” --

    Think you meant to say parents ?

    -- For once in my life, me, Sapphire Birch, was at a loss as to what to say. Should I yell and lose me pride? Talk normally and not get my annoyance across? --

    Strictly speaking, that should be “I” and “my” respectively. There were a little more minor errors here and there but I’m too lazy to scroll back up and start searching for them. =x

    Woot, Woot! Go on with the second chapter then!

    “Remember, reviews make Rider motivated to write upcoming chapters!”

    I thought you didn’t care about stuff like that. XD;

    "You know, I once read that in a fortune cookie."

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Switzerland, Europe
    Posts
    1,469

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rider View Post
    xDD Thank you so much, I certainly wasn't expecting a review in one day! (I tend to end up in review droughts.)

    Thank you for reviewing! (Remember, reviews make Rider motivated to write upcoming chapters!)
    don't worry, I don't leave a fic I like reading, so you'll see me around

    Quote Originally Posted by Rider View Post
    As for that last sentence, wow, you're right! xD; I actually wasn't going for that, but you make a very good point! However, it's a bit early in the story for someone like Green to be liking anyone, he just wants his stuff back. You'll see in the next chapter how Blue managed to nab his stuff~
    hah, so I saw something you didn't see ? for some reason, I find it hard to believe, as that line turned out so well, Green's "dreamy" attitude when talking to Sapphire about that girl, makes you think of foreshadowing makes me think of foreshadowing for some reason

    hoping to read more of this soon ^_^
    Because of serebiiforums, my Life has been put on hold...

    ...wait, that sounds wrong...
    ...yeah, it's the other way around.

    My Works : A, B, C, D, E

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    On the event horizon
    Posts
    407

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Krafty Quill View Post
    “Remember, reviews make Rider motivated to write upcoming chapters!”

    I thought you didn’t care about stuff like that. XD;
    Oh forget you. D: Meanie butt face.

    I dunno, I think it would've been effective had you known who the characters were in the first place before reading, but you know, that's just me. < <; Thanks for finding those errors, I'll fix it. >.<;

    Edit-Ching: Oh, and the asterisks, that's not the word you think it is. < <; I thought it was a completely harmless word, and I'll tell you what it is on MSN or something. xD; I wasn't planning on cussing in this fanfiction, but SPPF apparently censors even the lightest of words....

    shadow_shipper: I could easily turn that into foreshadowing. ;D And I think I will~ Thanks! (The line turned out well? That's good! Very very good. x3)
    Last edited by Rider; 26th April 2007 at 11:11 PM.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Tomorrow's yesterday.
    Posts
    1,219

    Default

    You made an Franticshipping fic and you didn't pm me?
    Shame on you Rider, SHAME ON YOU!!!

    Anyways, very good description and interesting plot line, as always expected from someone like you. The length was good, I never liked long fics anyways. One little problem is the OC characters, it is okay to have a few OC to elevate the story a bit, but try not to have too much.

    Anyways, great work (its good to have you back). And I demand to be on the top of your Pm list or whatever you use.

    Your Awsome Franticshipping Buddy.
    Patrickstar
    Some times I like to
    Touch myself during the night
    Before I go to bed!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •