Thanks for your review, Draco Malfoy! I'll get my review of Under the Same Sky up as soon as possible.
Heh, you reviewed just the chapters I don't like. Oh, well. It's only fair.
On the swearing: yeah, I should probably go ahead and add in some tags to evade the censoring. It was laziness combined with the fact this isn't the main or only place I'm posting it so the uncensored version is on my site anyway, but it is distracting and over time has been bothering me more and more. Size tags actually aren't ideal, though, because not all the styles have the same default font size; in the Dark-type style (which I use), the ones you 'uncensored' show up with one larger letter, which is also distracting. I'm pretty sure it used to be possible to just insert something like an empty [i][/i] tag in the middle of the word, but last time I tried it that didn't work anymore, and I still haven't found a completely seamless replacement.
This is very much an ensemble story with POVs switching between most scenes, as you may have started to guess towards the end of what you read; Brian was only the POV character in the first chapter because he went to the talk show and the talk show was what I wanted to show. Since you appear to like Dave, you'll be happy to learn that he has more POV scenes than any other character in the fic overall.Originally Posted by Draco Malfoy
Overlong sentences are a problem of mine. I like to think I've gotten a bit better with that in the four years since I wrote the early chapters, but yeah.
Yeeeah, the thing is this pretty much is a drama fic, believe it or not. When I started it I thought it was going to be mostly black comedy, but it ended up being more of a dark deconstructionist drama taking silly premises and making them into serious business, because I appear to be incapable of writing anything longer than a one-shot that my mind doesn't eventually decide to make depressing. I am planning a rewrite which would make the genre shift less jarring, but if you continue, just... be prepared, because it's only going to get less funny from here. Except for the Dave and Mia extras.Originally Posted by Draco Malfoy
Deliberate. This fictional religion is pretty much a Christianity Expy with Pokémon sprinkled on, and the Book of Visions is its equivalent of Revelations.Originally Posted by Draco Malfoy
Mm, it's not quite in the same category as using "smiling" or "glaring" as a dialogue tag, because when sighing you are expelling a breath and if you move your tongue and lips while doing so, words are going to come out. I do agree with your criticism in that that's hardly going to be sufficient for three syllables, however.Originally Posted by Draco Malfoy
(Gabriel is also one of the most major characters, incidentally. If you like Jack too when he appears, I am going to be amused.)
Anyway, thanks again. These chapters are quite old and going to be very heavily changed in the rewrite anyway, but your comments are appreciated.