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Thread: The Journey (R)

  1. #26
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    You got some talent I must admit. Grammar mistakes, who cares? Actually looking for them and memorizing where they are ruins your experience as a reader. As long as you run it through Word, and it is for the most part, readable, a few grammar mistakes do not bother me. But you got a great story and good imagination going. Keep it up.

  2. #27
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    Woot for Ken's battle! Portrayed very well! Adn Damon offing Gabriel was cold dude. A couple of errors caught my eyes, and Judai-and-sho, i care. if someone like J>K Rowling, K.A. Applegate and John Grisham started making spelling mistakes in their books, they wouldn't be as enjoyable. Anyways:

    its movements and slamming right into the Wooper
    That error happened several times in the fic, like here:

    giant Pidgeot statues marking its presence with ease.
    Well, til next post!

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  3. #28
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    Air Dragon got most of the errors, so I ain't gotta get into that. Sorry it took so long... i got through ch-1-10. (funny how the story was posted on my b-day.) It took me hours. (I'm a slow reada.)

    Only thing I gotta say ta you about grammar, besides the typos, is what Negrek told me:

    whenever you refer to someone by name in direct speech you have to set their name off with commas. In some cases this means that their name will be surrounded by commas.

    Anyway, I like the story. The only problem I had was Seb's flashback ta one year ago, cuz the flashback took ova the whole story. So we dunno if Seb's about ta die or not, but it's ok. Story's interestin. I like the characters. Ch.8 gave us good development with the dreams, like everyone else said. I thought Damon was just gon be evil, but there's more to 'em than that... I woulda left his phone convo's secret ta give him a lil more mystery though, even though you doin it right anyway.

    There was a lotta funny moments in the story. Sophie callin Seb a virgin was one of the ones that made me lol loud. Same thing when she thought he wanted ta take a bath with her.

    I'll get ta ch.11-12 tomm when i get the time. Keep up the writin and neva give up on it. Even when you feel that no one's readin the story. I know how depressin it can feel...

  4. #29
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    Because of familily coming in from Ohio soon, and because of the 4th of July, I might not be able to update the story for two weeks. I will do my best to put something in for the Journey, hopefully chapter 13, but as of right now, I will not be able to update once a week like I promised. For now, enjoy what we have.


    Also, thank you for the nominations in the Fanfiction Awards, it is much appreciated.
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

  5. #30
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    Yay...I finished another chapter!

    I apologize for the long wait for this one, I had trouble writing it, as well as trouble editting, because of the holiday and what not occupying my time. I also have family coming in next week, as well as a trip to Puerto Rico in two weeks, so I might squeeze out one more chapter before the end of July, no promises, however.

    I hope that you guys are still interested in this story, as it's only going to get better, in my mind, as we go along. Keep posting anything you like, or don't like, in here, and remember to nominate and read the stories of my fellow authors, whom were nominated for the Summer Fanfic Awards. I myself am up for two awards: Most Improved Author, and Most Overlooked Author, so keep track guys and if you feel I deserve those, vote for me .

    Disclaimer: This story is rated R (Restricted) for Violence language and Adult Situations.

    Enjoy

    Chapter 13- A Race Against Time

    The sun was beginning to set as the afternoon dragged onwards. After nearly a full day of waiting, playing, and watching spectacular battles being preformed before him, Sebastian was finally ready for his first gym match.

    He has seen his best friend survive his match, and hopes to do the same, grabbing his first ever gym badge in the process. His stomach was in knots; his throat was dry in anticipation as he walked onto the stage and faced down Tobias for the first time. The long day was about to end for the eager teen.

    The crowd had turned into nothing but a group of faithful trainers, some two-dozen hopefuls that have stuck out since the beginning of the day, including Sophie and Ken. The group was clapping loudly and cheering on Sebastian, hoping to see the powerful gym leader in defeat one more time.

    “Ok now, ya ready, Sebastian?” Yelled Tobias.

    Sebastian just nodded warily, his hands to his sides like an old cowboy in a showdown, ready to grab for his weapon.
    ‘This is it,’ He thought to himself. ‘I can do this. I know I can. I know I can...”

    “LETS DO IT!” Yelled Tobias, as he threw his pokeball onto the ground. Sebastian likewise did the same, grasping his pokeball and tossing it to the ground beneath his feet. In a flash, his Cubone revealed itself, brandishing its club like a steel sword. Across from it, a small, violet colored pokemon was forming, as the creature did minor bounces in place until its shape was created. The purple and black features were strong contrasts to the splotches of sickly orange, and around its whole body was a thin sheen of slime, coating it like and extra set of armor.

    The Croagunk chirped in small ribbits, it’s webbed hands forming little fists as it lifted them upwards towards his face like a boxer. It’s large yellow eyes showed remarkable calm however, contrasting the fighting stance the slimy frog was in.

    ‘That Croagunk looks tough…’Sebastian thought to himself. He kept eyeing his Cubone, still holding his club upwards, it’s eyes focused entirely on the poison fighter in front of him.

    “You think you can take it down, Cubone?” Sebastian asked his pokemon. The ground type looked up to it’s master, and just nodded, whimpering a slight “Cuuu.” Sebastian smiled, and took a deep breath to alleviate his own stress.

    “Let’s do it, Cubone, Give it a headbutt!” Sebastian ordered. The ground type tucked it’s head down, leaving the bony white tips of it’s skull helmet outwards like sharp spikes. The Croagunk’s yellow eyes kept gazing lazily toward Cubone, not even making a move to evade any attack, as Cubone began to run towards it at full speed.
    Tobias was smiling, waiting for just the right moment to give his first order. As Cubone gained speed, Tobias grinned some more. Now less than thirty yards away, Tobias was ready to make a move.

    “Sucker punch it!” Tobias cried, as the Croagunk brought its right fist backward to its side, waiting for the ground type to get close.

    “Oh no! Cubone WAIT!” Cried Sebastian, but it was too late, as his ground type was close enough to receive a quick smack from Croagunk, who hit it right in the stomach of the beast, avoiding the skull all together.

    Cubone winced in pain, and fall on it’s knees, the wind knocked out of it by the blow. It dropped it’s club to the ground, and had both arms crossed onto his stomach, holding the spot where Croagunk punched. It was breathing heavily, and stopped dead in it’s track just a few inches away from the frogs location.

    “Now let’s even the odds a bit ‘ere, Poison Jab it!” Tobias cried. Croagunk, wound it’s fist up again, but this time, the middle finger had a small spike, neon orange and coated in thick purple slime, protruding from it’s fist, and in one swift motion, it jabbed right into Cubones coarse furry skin, sticking it with it’s poisonous barb. The impact alone from the punch knocked Cubone down to the ground, away from it’s own bone club, as it rolled backwards from the blow. Sticking out of the side of it’s chest was the orange spike, covered in the slime and no doubt making it’s way into Cubone’s bloodstream.

    “Oh shit…” Sebastian said out loud. He looked at his pokemon, beaten down and now poisoned, and now yards away from it’s own bone club.

    “Cubone, get up! Don’t give up!” Sebastian cried. Cubone was struggling to stand, shaking violently and beginning to sweat under it’s skull. It kept crying in pain, but was not ready to give up yet. Without it’s club, it just raised it’s tiny claws together into smaller fists, and was ready to get back into the fray, albeit weakened by the poison.

    “Throw some bullet punches at it!” Tobias ordered! The Croagunk nodded, and began hopping towards Cubone, winding both fists backwards, as the sheen of slime covering them began to harden into a steel like substance.

    “Cubone, thrash at it!” Sebastian cried. His pokemon ran forward, wailing like a madman, arms out stretched and flailing madly, the skull head swinging back and forth like a chime in the wind, charging the poison fighter in front of it. The two collided in the center, the Croagunk striking first, punching Cubone in it’s skull with it’s steel like hand, before Cubone smashed it’s whole body into the slimy assailant. Croagunk was knocked off it’s webbed feet, as Cubone began kicking and stomping on top of it, out of desperation. The frog had it’s hands up in guard, protecting it’s face from the onslaught, but it could not hold this position much longer.

    ‘He’s jes delayin…’Tobias thought to himself, as he got ready for his next order. Sebastian, meanwhile, was not sure what to do next.

    ‘I can’t get any serious damage without it hitting me, and the poison will sap more energy if I prolong this..’ He thought to himself. He looked around the rocky field, eyeing the boulders and the stream to see if he can find an advantage somewhere. He then eyed Cubones club, tucked onto the side of the field collecting dust. ‘We need that back first…’ thought Sebastian, until he came back to reality when Tobias broke his concentration.

    “Faint attack!” Tobias yelled, and in an instant, Croagunk shifted away, disappearing at the speed of light. Cubone stopped thrashing about, and began looking around, rather tired and confused as to where it’s assailant went. He then was pushed from behind, as the Croagunk was able to sneak up on the ground type and smack it back onto the rocky surface of the field.

    “Cubone, go for your club!” Sebastian yelled!
    “On no ya don’t.” retorted Tobias, “Keep up the faint attacks Croagunk!”

    Every time Cubone got up, the Croagunk would push it back down from behind, slinking back into the shadows from the faint attack. The continuous pattern began angering Sebastian, as his pokemon couldn’t even move, let alone land a punch on the frog that was harassing it. This, coupled with the poison that was coursing through Cubone’s body, made the inevitable a near reality.

    ‘What..what can I do?’ Sebastian thought to himself. He was beginning to panic, gritting his teeth and worrying about his pokemon.
    ‘Maybe I should just give up…’ he kept thinking to himself. He was so tempted to reach for the pokeball and return his Cubone, so tempted to end this right now, so tempted….

    “COME ON SEB!” Shouted Ken from the sidelines. He was trying to cheer his buddy on, despite the odds before him. “ KICK HIS ***! DO IT DUDE! I KNOW YOU CAN!” He kept wailing, over the rest of the crowd, giving Sebastian encouragement.

    ‘How…’ he kept thinking to himself. How can he win? The only way is to get the Croagunk to stop hitting him, but how to get it away from him.
    ‘Wait…maybe that can work…’ Sebastian thought to himself.

    “Cubone, False Swipe!” Sebastian cried. Across the field, Cubone lifted it’s tiny fists, and swung a left jab towards the Croagunk, anticipating where it may have attacked. The ruse worked, and the Croagunk hesitated for a moment, stopping it’s faint attack in mid speed before receiving a light tap from Cubones punch. This gave the pokemon enough time to retreat, right back to where it dropped it’s bone club.

    “Chase it down! Use a cross chop n’ finish it off!” ordered Tobias. Croagunk, shaking it’s head, began charging at the sprinting Cubone, crossing it’s webbed hands into two sturdy open palms used by karate experts, and rushing with great speed towards the lumbering Cubone. Cubone was running as fast as it can go, despite nearly stumbling a few times due to the poison in it’s body, which was no doubt making the most menial tasks now more unbearable and painful.

    Croagunk was right behind Cubone when he reached it’s club. Quickly sensing danger, the ground type grasped the thin end of it’s weapon, and brought it up to defend itself, just as the cross chop was coming down onto it’s body.

    “BONE RUSH!” Sebastian cried. And Cubone thrusted it’s club towards the abdomen of it’s opponent. The thick end of the bone went right into Croagunk’s stomach. Cubone pushed in with as much strength it could spare, as the Croagunk was nearly stunned, unable to move or breathe due to the club that pounded it’s body. It’s cross chop let loose, and it’s arms feel to it’s sides, as the Croagunk croaked in pain, a high sounding shriek of a cry being uttered from it’s slimy lips.

    “That’s it Cubone, keep pushing it! Keep putting pressure on it!” Sebastian cried. Tobias, however, was not to be outdone.

    “Get away from ‘dere Croagunk! Use a body slam!” He shouted, but the ground type was now in control, as the Croagunk could barely breathe, let alone comprehend, what it should do. Cubone, still shaking from the poison invading it’s body, kept pushing, with waning strength each time, until it let go, heaving deep breaths on it’s own.

    “Finish it off, Cubone. Smack it with bone club!” shouted Sebastian. The ground type raised it’s club as high as it can, it’s body in a tremor as it used what would likely be the last ounce of strength it could muster, and slammed it’s club downwards, right onto Croagunk’s head, landing a direct hit between it’s yellow eyes. The frog staggered for a moment, letting out another, this time low pitched, cry, before falling to the ground for the first time in the match.

    Tobias’s mouth was open with shock, his eyes showing great amazement to what he just witnessed. Likewise, the crowd was totally silent, waiting to see if Croagunk would begin stirring, showing any signs of continuing the battle. When it became clear that the poison frog was not getting up, Tobias conceded, recalling his fainted pokemon, as the crowd erupted once again, in excitement.

    “YES!” Shouted Sebastian, who ran over to his pokemon in the center of the field, and picking it up for a tight hug.

    “You did it, Cubone.” He whispered into the pokemons ear. The Cubone, shaking violently in his arms, only nodded and said a faint “cuuu..”barely conscious because of the poison. Quickly thinking, Sebastian recalled him to it’s pokeball, buying his ground type some time to get to the pokecenter in town as quickly as possible.

    “I wanna congratulate you, Sebastian, n’ everyone else I faced today.” Tobias said on his microphone, his words hushing the crowd. “It’s been a while since I got swept like this, so I hope ya’ll who beat me today continue yer journeys as trainers, yer good ones in my book. I want the four trainers to line up, so I can present ya’ll with the badges. Once again, congratulation’s, and hope to see ya’ll soon.”

    With that, Tobias ushered for the four trainers to go back onto the dusted arena floor, and began one final ceremony, presenting the winners with their new badges.


    It was nearly dusk now, the hot sun setting quickly in the magenta colored clouds, as Sebastian, Sophie, and Ken waited outside of the pokecenter for Damon. All three trainers have not seen him since this morning, when he left on his personal business, and some of them were starting to worry about their counterpart at this stage. Ken was sitting on the steps leading to the center, while Sebastian kept his gaze on the street corner closest to him, scanning the darkening horizon for the familiar leather jacket.

    “I bet he ditched us.” Sophie kept complaining, as she paced back and forth between the marble steps of the pokecenter.
    “I could only hope.” Muttered Ken.
    “Oh come on,” Sebastian said, “I bet he just got caught up in whatever he was doing.”
    “Why do you keep defending him?” Ken asked. “The guy is an *******, you know?”
    “Dude, calm down. He is not an *******. Yeah he’s kind of harsh at times, but he means well.”
    “You trust him to much.” Ken retorted.
    “Still, if he did try to rob you or something, he would of already.” Sophie said.
    “See, thank you Sophie.”
    “Doesn’t mean I don’t like him much either.” She said back. Sebastian just rolled his eyes, giving up the fight to defend Damon. It was futile at this point to argue.
    “I say we wait a fifteen more minutes, and if he doesn’t show up, we go in to rest, and leave tomorrow.” Sophie said.
    “Sounds good to me.” Replied Ken. He then turned his gaze to Sebastian, who kept looking vigilantly outwards towards the street. “That ok with you buddy?”

    Without moving his head, Sebastian just sighed, and slowly nodded. “Ok, Ken. We can do that.”

    “You guys waiting up for me, I like that!” said a familiar voice behind them all.

    The three trainers turned around towards the alleyway, and all three nearly screamed in horror by the sight of Damon. His entire body, head to toe, was dirty and disheveled, his neck was as red as a tomato, and his clothing were ragged and smelly.

    “What the **** happened to you?” Ken asked.
    “I got mugged by some idiot who thought it would be nice to steal from me.” Damon said coolly.
    “Oh crap, are you ok?” Sebastian asked.
    “Oh yeah I’m fine. You should see the other guy though.” Damon said, smiling.
    “You should take a shower then.” Sophie said, smiling lightly and holding her nose with her fingers, trying to prevent the lingering odor of the dumpsters on Damon’s body from bothering her.

    “I planned to, thank you. After that, we should leave.” Damon said, brushing past the teens and heading right for the pokecenter door.

    “Wait, why leave so quickly?” Sebastian asked. “I mean we just won our first badges and…”
    “Ah, you both won huh?” Damon asked.
    “Yeah!” Sebastian said enthusiastically, his face grinning “They were great matches too. Ken’s came down to a…”

    “Tell me about it when were on the road again, and we should just go because the quicker we leave, the quicker we can get to the next city.”
    “Um, what is the next city, then?” Ken said sarcastically.
    “Figure it out, Ken. I am sure you have somewhere to go to now.” Damon said back, giving a slight wink to the teen as his face blushed with some anger, before opening the pokecenter doors and heading straight for the shower area.

    “Anyone else find that weird?” Sophie said.
    “How so?” Sebastian asked.
    “Well, he gets mugged, but doesn’t mention cops or anything, and by the looks of it, he didn’t get stopped by them. It was as if he was hiding in the alleys the whole time.”
    Ken just shrugged his shoulders, before giving off a small yawn.
    “Who cares.” He said. “I just wish the guy who mugged him succeeded, damn ******* he is.”

    “How evil of you, Ken.” Sophie said sarcastically.
    “Yeah dude, that wasn’t funny.” Sebastian said back. Ken’s smile turned into a frown quickly.
    “Oh come on, it was just a joke!” he said back to his friend.
    “Yeah yeah…”

    As the three trainers argued outside the pokecenter, none of them were paying any attention to the nearby buildings. High on top of one of the large skyscrapers, a large, green Xatu was listening to their trivial plights, and watching them as keenly as possible, waiting for them to go on the move once more.
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

  6. #31
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    Alright, I'm finally back from my long vacation and, to my enjoyment, have found several chapters to read. To get started, I didn't see any huge grammar mistakes, but I was never that great at finding them anyway. Both Ken's and Sebastian's battles were great and I enjoyed them a great deal. They were very well described and I'm glad that both battles turned out well for both of our two heroes. I'll be waiting for the new chapters of this great story.

    Silverdragoon X out



  7. #32
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    Bleargh. I wrote a full review last night, but Serebii crashed before I posted it. Anyway, I'll give it to you in short. This is quite good. My main problem is that the characters interaction is a bit lacking. (yes, I know you wrote this a long time ago). But the fact that you started your own region is a nice touch (though you could add more description to it). Besides that, the only thing I noticed is that some cursing is sensored while others is not. Annoying, no? Anyway, keep rewriting (or whatever you do to old chapters). I'll definitely be reading.

  8. #33
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    Thanks for the advice Duncan.

    I apologize for this, however, but I don't know if I will be able to write anymore of the story any time soon. I have a vacation coming up in less than a week, and after that i'm back to school.

    What I will do is attempt to post one more chapter before I go away, but after that, theres no pomises as to what will happen next, and i'm sorry for that guys.

    So we will see what goes on, expect a new chapter this week.
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

  9. #34
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    Quick update.

    I'm sorry guys, but there is no way I can finish this before my vacation...so the story is on a minor hiatus for the next two weeks, until I have time to continue. So to the five people who liked reading the story, i'm sorry for the long wait..im just to busy right now and the vacation coming up is another factor.
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

  10. #35
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    i just read through the first two pages, and this is an awesome fic.

    cant wait to read more

  11. #36
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    Well, im back from vacation, but real lifes coming in too...school is starting soon, which means student teaching, which means less time to write and edit. So chapters will be slow.

    I will, however, let you know what is going to happen next. In the coming chapters, we will get some more backstory on Sebastian and Ken, and why they want to be trainers so much. We will also see Sebastian, Ken, AND Sophie capture some pokemon.

    More of Damon's story will be revealed, as well as the his pursuers.

    They will reach the second gym as well.

    So thats what you can look forward too, so hopefully I get it done in the coming months. Until then, enjoy whats up here.

    Link
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

  12. #37
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    I've been skimming, and it looks like pretty interesting stuff. A couple pet peeves:

    “Ok now, ya ready, Sebastian?” Yelled Tobias.
    The speaking verb shouldn't be capitalized; I noticed that a few other times. *yelled* Tobias

    Also, when speaking in possessive, it shouldn't be "it's" but "its". I know, I hate that word soooo much, but that's grammar for ya.

    BTW, you have a flair for names. I don't know why, they just seemed to suit the characters.

    ~Mix

  13. #38
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    Default Crestfallen

    I am suddenly incredibly sad, there isn't anymore to read.

    Very good fic, Links. I hope you're still planning to continue it as well. I'm sad to see no one has posted here since the middle of last month. It's hard for me to find a fanfic this engaging (I'm a little picky) and I was rather excited when I started reading this one. I think you have wonderful descriptive style but you only seem to use it for certain things. The gym battles, for example, were well described, but I found that many times I really didn't have a feel for other situations. Overall, however, I think it's very well done, dude. I really hope to see more when you have the time.

    Trainer card of my Pearl team done by me. Background found on Google images. Sprites courtesy of Pokemon Elite 2000

  14. #39
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    Default Chapter Fourteen Is Up

    Oh my, it's a return to "The Journey", I belive it is!

    Yes, after a long hiatus I actually wrote a chapter and edited it.

    Same rules apply, and chances are, this might be the last chapter in a while, unless I get bored again and not do school work like I should. So enjoy.

    Chapter 14- The Great Schism

    Dusk was setting in over the maroon sky, as the sunsets for the night once more. The moon was visible, but distant and dull as the sun’s final rays hold it at bay for a few hours longer. Sebastian couldn't help but look up at the pinkish hue that covers the sky, a thing of beauty in his mind as he and his friends travel across a wooded path.

    Damon has been leading them deep into the woods ever since leaving Leichi. “We need to toughen up a bit.” He remarked as the reasoning behind this. Even though the roads are more direct to the nearest towns, Damon persisted this is a better plan.

    Now, Sebastian is beginning to question his judgment. Ken and Sophie have already expressed how ridiculous this idea was, and in true fashion, used a lot of yelling and arguments to make their cases. Sebastian was hoping to get a good view of some pokemon, but thus far only weak leveled Cateripes and Pidgeys have been seen. Now in their fourth day in the wild, he too is getting restless.

    ‘Maybe Ken is right this time.’ Sebastian pondered. ‘Maybe we should of stayed on the roads.’

    “So, fearless leader.” Ken remarked sarcastically, breaking Sebastian’s own thoughts.
    Damon sighed before facing Ken eye to eye. “Yes, Ken? Another complaint, like always?” he said nonchalantly.

    “Oh no…I don’t mean to complain at all.” Chided Ken.
    “In fact, I want to thank you, because this has been a great waste of time and if it wasn’t for you, we could of made great progress in the past four days.”
    “Oh but we are…”

    “Not this again!” snapped Ken. “Not this whole “for the experience” crap! I know it’s a lie, your probably just leading us out into the woods so we can rot or something like that.”
    “Ken, don’t be stupid.” Damon replied calmly. “If I wanted to do that, I would of never given you pokemon when we met. Plus, I would of abandoned you in Ridge Woods and in Liechi. You really need to stop the drama, Ken. It gets you nowhere.”

    Sophie began giggling a bit, while Ken shot her a hasty glare of anger. He then turned to Sebastian, who was just shaking his head in disgust.

    “You really need to calm down, Ken.” Sophie said, breaking the awkward silence.
    “Ok, ok. You wouldn’t do that.” Conceded Ken. “But where are you leading us then?”
    “Well…” Damon began, before Ken cut him off.
    “Stop with the secrets already! That annoys me more.” Ken said in disgust.

    Damon was no longer calm. His face scrunched up, his hands clenched into tight fists as his lip quivered to the rhythm of his beating heart. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.
    Sebastian, for the first time, knew Damon was going to snap.

    “Um guys…” Sebastian said finally. He was hoping that another petty argument would just blow over, but it seems like this one might lead to unnecessary violence in his eyes.

    “No, Sebastian. Too late for some peace.” Damon said harshly.
    “Is that so?” Ken remarked.
    “You think I keep secrets from you?” Damon asked.
    “Yes.”
    “Then how hypocritical are you then, Ken?”

    Ken thought for a moment, but before he could answer, Damon started again.
    “No need to answer, because I know what you will say.” Ken looked more confused.
    “You do?” he asked softly.
    “Oh, I do.” Damon said, before moving so close to Ken his face was now inches from Ken’s. Ken now was wide eyed, and he began to shake in nervousness with Damon’s advanced.

    “Damon don’t…” started Sebastian, but Damon just shot him a dirty look, which quickly repelled any reply. Damon quickly turned back to Ken, who was still shaking out of anticipation of what he likely deserved.
    “Everyone harbors secrets, Ken. Desires, problems, even things that are just left unsaid. Sometimes it is for a good cause, and other times it can do harm to someone, even yourself if you leave it closed for too long. I suggest that you stop making quick accusations towards people, because one day someone won’t hold back when they feel like punching you in the gut!”
    Damon raised his fists up, as Ken jerked his head, flinching downwards. Damon kept an icy gaze on him, before claming himself and walking away. Ken was now sitting on the ground, his head buried in his arms. Sophie and Sebastian, both onlookers towards the exchange, were relieved it was over.

    “Ok, guys.” Sophie said, easing the tension some more. “I think we have had enough. The sun is almost gone and stuff, and we should set up camp.”

    “Good idea.” Replied Damon in his usual, emotionless tone.

    BOOM!

    Before anyone could unpack their sleeping bags, a large crack of thunder erupted in the sky. Everyone jumped in freight by the sudden noise. Shortly after, a brilliant flash of light, like a supernova, filled the sky and covered the pinkish hue with nothing but white, before receding away from it’s source; a large, scraggly lightning bolt that likely touch downed in the woods nearby.

    “Forget the camp, follow me.” Damon said quickly, grabbing his pack and lightly jogging to the east. Sophie followed suit, while Sebastian repacked his supplied. Ken, still sitting on the ground, seemed oblivious to the entire scenario. Sebastian noticed this, as he began rocking his friend in the arm, hoping to wake him up from this trance-like state.
    “Come on Ken. We gotta go.” Sebastian pleaded, but Ken never looked up at his friend, he kept his head downwards past his knees, wallowing in his own shame.

    “Leave me.” He said weakly.
    “Don’t be dumb, just come on…”
    “I SAID LEAVE ME!” Ken shouted back, this time moving his head upwards.

    BOOM!

    “Why should I leave my friend?” Sebastian asked.
    “I am not a good friend. I am just causing trouble.” Ken said back.
    “Dude it’s ok, everyone gets frustrated at times…”
    “NO! It’s not ok. I keep doing this to you guys because I don’t trust him at all. It’s obvious that he is not leaving, so he can take my place. So just leave me!”

    BOOM!

    “Dude, stop it. No one can take your place here! Please come on, there’s a thunderstorm coming. We need to get out of here.”
    “Id rather stay here.”
    “Stop this self-pity ****!” snapped Sebastian. “Just stop it! You’re a better guy than this Ken, you need to just calm down a bit.”
    “How the hell can I calm down when my BEST FRIEND is going off with some jerk and a girl he likes over ME?” Ken shouted back.

    BOOM!

    Sebastian was taken back by Ken’s words, but now was worried because the thunder was coming closer every minute they waste. He could feel a few droplets of fresh rain sprinkle on his head; he needs to hurry.

    “That is not what this is about, Ken. I made a promise that we would do this together!”
    “Why aren’t you keeping it then?” Ken asked, as tears were visibly forming in his eyes. “Why bring these guys onto what we wanted to do together? This was all about you and me, best friends toughing it out! Why the **** are strangers with us? What happened dude? What happened?”

    BOOM!

    Sebastian didn’t know what to say. He sniffled a bit, before rubbing his eyes to wipe away the visible tears as well. By now the rain was fully coming down, soaking the two teens. In the distance, Sebastian can hear Sophie calling them to hurry up.

    “I am sorry, Ken.” Was all Sebastian said, as Ken wiped his wet face of the salty tears and cascading rainwater. Ken just looked up and nodded, before Sebastian grabbed his arm and helped him up from the now flooded ground.

    “I just wanted it to be us, dude.” Ken said softly.

    BOOM!

    “Let’s talk about this later.” Sebastian said, before running off to the east. Ken followed suit, running behind him, the two hoping to out chase the oncoming storm.

    They finally caught up to Sophie and Damon, who were starting to shiver from the cold rain that was falling over their heads. Wet and tired, the two teens were in awe of what was before them; a stone structure, charcoal gray in color and fittingly irregular in shape. Boulders the size of giant houses were strewn on the ground, with moss overgrown on the sides and weeds found all over the gray backs of the rough stone. In the center was a giant hole, like a mouth gaping open in a frozen yawn, beckoning, or frightening, anyone who may dare enter inside.

    “What is this place?” Sebastian asked.
    “It’s a cave I discovered a few years back!” Damon replied. “It’s pretty big inside, a lot of tunnels, I think some Onix lived in here, but I never saw one.”
    “Hurry up, I’m getting chills now!” Sophie cried.

    BOOM!

    The four dashed into the cavern’s entrance, as darkness fully engulfed them. Outside, they can see the droplets of rain and the flashes of lightning through their opening, giving some brief light to where they are going.

    Damon was the first to grab his pokeball, before releasing it onto the cavern’s floor. In a flash, his Flaaffy, Amp, emitted a light, soothing baa before lighting the cavern with its tail. Sebastian shielded his eyes briefly, before adjusting to the grisly sight before him. The cave was bare and cold; it’s caverns deep and dull, oval in shape and perfectly formed. The group moved inside the cave, getting as far as they can from the entrance and the flashes of light, before the cave’s mouth was a distant sight to them.

    “Ok, we should camp here.” Damon said.
    “Good idea, I’m still shivering.” Sophie remarked, rubbing her arms around her body, her clothing drenched from the rain.

    Ken released his Magby from his pokeball, as he gathered some sticks strewn inside the cave. Few they were, but sufficient enough to make a small fire. The baby pokemon burped a tiny ember onto the dry wood, which was quickly engulfed in a roaring flame, warming the trainers immensely.

    “Good job, Magby.” Ken complimented his pokemon. The baby duck cooed as Ken returned it to it’s home. Sebastian sat down near the fire, extending his arms outward to warm his body up.

    “That was real sudden, wasn’t it?” Sebastian remarked.
    “Very much so.” Sophie said, sitting next to Sebastian and emulating his actions.
    “That’s the way the weather is. All a part of being prepared and expecting the unexpected.” Damon chimed in.
    “Although, it would have been better if we were on the main road.” Ken said.
    Sophie just began giggling. “Stop, Ken. No need for this again.” She said.
    Ken just laughed. “I’m over it. I was just saying guys…”
    “It’s fine.” Said Damon, as he put his backpack down and took off his leather jacket, placing it on an overturned rock next to the fire. He unzipped the backpack and began rummaging through it’s hidden contents, before grabbing a dry shirt and pants set from the overstuffed bag.

    “I suggest we all get something warm on, so we don’t freeze.” Damon said, before taking hit drenched shirt off. He sat down on the floor and unlaced his black boots and peeled his dirty socks off as well.

    “WOAH, hold on a second!” Sophie said, jumping up as Damon removed his socks.
    “What is it?”
    “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that your all guys and I’m a girl?”
    Ken began to laugh. “It’s no big deal, Sophie. I didn’t plan on stripping naked or anything.” Ken, like Damon, already had his sneakers and socks off, and was beginning lift his shirt up.

    “THAT’S NOT THE PROBLEM!” Sophie angirly shouted .”What the hell am I going to do, I am not getting dressed in front of you all!”

    “Relax.” Sebastian said calmly. “Just walk down in the cave a bit and come back. I promise we won’t look.”
    “Speak for yourself.” Ken said softly.
    “I HEARD THAT!”
    Ken just laughed a bit more. “It’s a joke, Sophie. Calm down. I promise I will stay here.”

    Sophie was clearly agitated, grabbing her backpack with anger and removing her wet sandals from her feet.

    “How will I see though?” She asked.
    “Amp, go with her so she can see.” Damon said. The sheep pokemon nodded its pink head, before standing next to Sophie’s side, ready to depart.

    “You all better stay here.” She said angrily, before walking deeper into the cave, Amp following close behind.

    The three boys began to laugh a bit. By now, Damon and Ken were now in their boxers and throwing their fresh clothes on, while Sebastian has just begun to remove his wet shirt.

    “I am surprised about that.” Damon said heartily.
    “Why?” Sebastian asked.
    “She act’s like tomboy, but is so modest when we are around.”
    “She’s a girl. That’s the way girls are.” Remarked Ken.
    “Not true at all.” Replied Sebastian. “Remember Alisa Janis back in Ganlon? She was always climbing trees and playing tag with the guys. She was also topless when we went swimming together.”
    “Dude that was when we were ten. It was innocent back then.”
    “I know, but still…” Sebastian began.
    “You guys must have had a good childhood with your friends.” Damon asked.
    “Yeah, we had fun back then. It was somewhat simple back then too. School, and games around the town.” Sebastian said. Sighing a bit.
    “Homesick yet, Seb?” Ken chided him.
    “ No, and I doubt you ever will be too.” Sebastian shot back.

    Ken laughed weakly, before grabbing his sleeping bag from the soaked backpack and rolling it out, ready for bed. Damon was already lying down on his back, looking at the coarse ceiling above him as the fire flickered the shadows in the crevices. Sebastian, now fully dressed and welcome dry, kept his hands near the fire, warming his body up some more before laying down.

    “I wonder what is taking Sophie so long?” Ken said.
    “Yeah, she has been gone for a while now.” Sebastian said.
    “Go check on her, Sebastian.” Suggested Damon.

    Sebastian looked up at Damon, who was still looking at the ceiling of the cavern.

    “Why me?”
    “I can think of many reasons.” Ken said, chuckling.
    “Shut up, Ken!” Sebastian said, his face turning red. “ I am sure she’s fine, I mean I would be invading her privacy if I went to get her.”
    “True, I guess. Give her a few minutes though.” Said Damon.
    “Oh hell, I’ll go look for her.” Ken said, standing up from his sleeping bag.

    “No, just leave her….” Damon began. Before loud rumble quaked the cavern. The three teens sat up immediately, looking around their dimly lit area for a source of the sound.

    “What the hell was that?” Sebastian asked.
    “I don’t know and I don’t want to find out, Seb.” Ken replied.

    Another tremor shook the cavern, this time making small pebbles fall to the ground. Then a loud shriek was heard.

    “AAAAIHHHH!”

    “SOPHIE!” Sebastian shouted, before he grabbed his backpack and headed towards Sophie’s direction.

    “SEBASTIAN, WAIT!” Damon shouted, but it was too late. As the teen was already off into the dark cave on his own.

    “Let’s go, we got to follow him.” Ken said. The two grabbed their packs and began to run after him, but another, more sinister shriek emitted from the cavern, before the ceiling of the pathway Sebastian ran down collapsed in front of them. Ken and Damon covered their heads with their arms as the rocks fell downward, inches from their location as boulders that would easily crush them tumbled from the top.

    The cave in was quick and continued to shake the foundations. Ken and Damon ran back to their campsite, the dimly lit fire almost eradicated by falling dust from the rocks above. Another tremor rocked the two trainers, and this time, the side of the cavern bursted open, like a blast from a demolition. Rocks flew everywhere, one striking Ken in the stomach and hurling him to the ground. As Damon rushed to help the fallen teen, out of the corner of his eye he could see something, a dark shape, moving near them.
    Last edited by LinksOcarina; 10th December 2007 at 6:29 AM. Reason: Grammatical mistakes
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

  15. #40
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    About time! XD Heh, just kidding. Actually I'd take a shot in the dark and say that this ended up being your best chapter yet. A little on the short side, but that's fine. I read too many long chapters. XD

    However, there are some problems. First of all, your tense are wrong. Take this for example:

    Sebastian can’t help but look up at the pinkish hue that covers the sky, a thing of beauty in his mind as he and his friends travel across a wooded path.
    Remember, when writing in third person always used past tenses.

    “So, fearless leader.” Ken remarked sarcastically, breaking Sebastian’s own thoughts.
    Damon sighed before facing Ken eye to eye. “Yes, Ken? Another complaint, like always?” he said nonchalantly.
    “Oh no…I don’t mean to complain at all.” Chided Ken.
    “In fact, I want to thank you, because this has been a great waste of time and if it wasn’t for you, we could of made great progress in the past four days.”
    “Oh but we are…”
    “Not this again!” snapped Ken. “Not this whole “for the experience” crap!” I know it’s a lie, your probably just leading us out into the woods so we can rot or something like that.”
    “Ken, don’t be stupid.” Damon replied calmly. “If I wanted to do that, I would of never given you pokemon when we met. Plus, I would of abandoned you in Ridge Woods and in Liechi. You really need to stop the drama, Ken. It gets you nowhere.”
    You also need to start using the enter button more. Double space after every paragraph. You do it sometimes, but not all the time. It makes it look like you weren't paying attention or something, and I know you were.

    “ That’s the way the weather is. All a part of being prepared and expecting the unexpected.” Damon chimed in.
    Extra space between the quotation mark and the word.

    Description is still lacking some. I know it might seem funny coming from me, but you really didn't describe enough here. You know what I mean. Just work on that some, okay?

    “THAT’S NOT THE PROBLEM!” Sophie shouted in anger.
    I've seen this a lot lately. Try "shouted Sophie angrily." or something like that.

    Meh, now that I've got that out of the way I can get on to the good.

    It's a new chapter! ...What? Okay, I'll do the real thing...

    I liked the storm. Weather really adds an extra dimension to a fic, and I'm a big fan of it everywhere. Well, almost everywhere.

    The cave scene was also pretty interesting. I really don't know what's going on or anything (like I would) but my bet is that it's an Onix or something. Must have been pretty strong to get Amp out of the way.

    Yeah...well I guess that's about it. Good chapter, but please don't make me wait another three months for the next chapter, okay?

  16. #41
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    A new chapter!I was wondering when you were going to bring this back and now you did! I like how Ken thought he was useless after almost getting in a fight with Damon. Shows that he is human. Hopefully there won't be another long wait for the next chapter

    Shadow Lucario out
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  17. #42
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    Yeah I know it's been a while, so enjoy while it's here.

    As for the grammar, it's not my strong suit but I will do what I can with it as I go along. At least it's not glaring gramatical msitakes.

    Enjoy for now.
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

  18. #43
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    Hey, dude. Welcome back! I'm glad to see this story hasn't died off before its time!

    Trainer card of my Pearl team done by me. Background found on Google images. Sprites courtesy of Pokemon Elite 2000

  19. #44
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    Well, I had a major death in the family this week, and school starts up again in two weeks, so there is a good chance that no new chapter will come about until the summer. But I am not putting the story on a definite hold as of right now, you just got to be patient .

    Keep talking though, talking about the story keeps it alive, in a way.
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

  20. #45
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    I hope Sebastian and company will make it to the second gym.

    Also I am very sorry. Two years ago there was also a major death in my family.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  21. #46
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    Thank you.
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

  22. #47

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    i must say this is one of my favorite fictions on here! cant wait for the next chapter dude.
    hey check out my fiction!
    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthr...26#post7408226
    these are the characters!


  23. #48
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    I had some extra time between my classwork and a speech preperation to write up Chapter 15! Go me! Next chapter is coming soon (hopefully) so for now, enjoy what I got.


    Chapter 15- Intrusion



    The granite walls rumbled as dust and pebbles danced on the dirt floor. The tremors were long and violent; knocking Sebastian to his knees. As the ground shook, the ceiling began to crumble; small chunks of hardened granite plunged towards the ground, nearly striking the teen in the head. Sebastian kept his body as low as possible, shielding his face with his arms. He rose from his knees, wobbling with the turbulent quakes and struggling to hold his balance.

    “SOPHIE!” Sebastian cried out, but the sounds of the failing cave drowned out his voice. Even if Sophie was in front of him, she wouldn’t be able to hear him now.

    He kept shouting her name in vain attempts to contact her, all the while running as carefully as possible through the treacherous terrain around him. He didn’t care about his own safety; all he cared about was reaching Sophie.


    Ken was franticly clawing at the loose stones blocking his path. He dug through the rocks, his hands scraping along the sharpened edges of the fallen stones, trying to reach the other side where Sebastian and Sophie were. The caves rumblings have died out, giving way to the calm, rustling sounds of the rainstorm outside, the sounds of thunder now distant to their ears.

    “I wouldn’t do that, Ken.” Damon said tactfully.

    Unlike Ken, Damon was staring at the newly created tunnel, carved with great precision by whatever creature inhabits the cave.

    “Not now, Damon!” snapped Ken, as he lugged a boulder the size of his head from the pile.

    Ken’s Magby looked on in awe, it’s large eyes widened by the strange behavior of his master. It’s tail flickered like a dim candle, providing the only light for the desperate trainer.

    “You can only cause another cave in….”
    “THEN I WILL! We got to get to Seb and Sophie somehow, so stop talking and start digging!”

    Damon sighed, before turning towards Ken. He quickly grabbed his shoulder and pulled him from the pile of rubble. Ken struggled, flailing his arms around as Damon pulled him back, but Damon’s grip never loosened, and with sufficient strength he held onto Ken with little effort.

    “Get the **** off me!” cried Ken.

    His Magby looked horrified, its small hands covering parts of his eyes in fear. The young creature was too freightened to make a move. Out of the corner of Ken’s eye, he saw why. A large, purple ghost with glowing red eyes was staring at the baby pokemon, a ghastly grin on its face as it glared directly at the baby Magby. Ken kept struggling, before Damon, finally loosened his grip on Ken’s shoulder and let him go. Ken quickly jumped to his feet, and began cursing wildly at Damon.

    “WHO THE **** DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!” Ken shouted angrily.

    He has had it with Damon. Ever since meeting him he has despised his presence, this tall, mysterious stranger who insulted his intentions and invaded his personal space. He has wanted to defeat him, somehow, in anything. Be it a contest of strength, with his pokemon, or with his fists if he had to. The anger in him was rising, like hot magma through a volcano, now on the brink of eruption. He has held his anger back for weeks against him. Now, in this dark cave with his best friend in danger or possibly worse, he is at the breaking point.

    Clenching his hand together in a fist, he swings madly at Damon, but only catches air. He turns around and throws another punch, but again misses his target. Damon, not want to get Ken hurt, just dodges the attacks with ease; moving out of the range of Ken’s wild advances.

    “Come on, fight back you pussy!” sneered Ken, but Damon would have none of it.

    “Stop this, Ken. It’s not even worth it.” He said, the calmness of his voice a augmenter of the swift movements to avoid the altercation all together.

    “Yeah it is!” Ken snapped back, throwing another punch.

    This time, Damon didn’t dodge the attack, instead he countered it by grabbing Ken's arm and, with a quick twist of his body, pulled it behind Ken's own back. Ken began to struggle, but could not break from the hold. Damon brought the hold in more, twisting Ken's arm as far back as he can without breaking it in two.

    “Oww! Oww…you *******!” Ken said, in pain but still struggling. Damon just sighed once more before forcing Ken to one of the sides of the cavern wall, thrusting his face and body hard on the rough, granite surface; pushing his head down with his free hand.

    “Why don’t you EVER listen?” said Damon. Any calmness in his voice is now long gone, but Ken kept struggling.

    “**** you!” was all he said, before being pushed back into the wall. His face was now bruised, his head throbbing madly with pain, his thoughts becoming hazy and convoluted.

    “Listen to me, Ken…” Damon began harshly. “I know want to help Sebastian…”
    “YOU KNOW NOTHING!” cried Ken, as Damon pushed him into the wall once more.

    “Stop interrupting and LISTEN!” he snapped back in anger. “We can help Sebastian and Sophie, but going through a blocked tunnel piece by piece is NOT the answer. That tunnel could collapse on us at any minute if we move the wrong stone. It’s stupid to even try.”

    Ken, his head now cut from the multiple blows by Damon’s hold, only sighed loudly. He knew he wanted to kill Damon for getting in his way, but he also knew that he was right.

    “So what do you suggest, then?” Ken asked harshly.
    “You promise to stop swinging and start listening?”
    “No guarantees.” Ken began, only to yelp in pain by Damon’s tightening grip.

    “OW! Ok! Ok, I’m sorry, let me go!” Ken pleaded. Damon shrugged and loosened his grip on the teen. He quickly began to address his wounds; rubbing the red cuts on his forehead, feeling the warm blood rush to the surface of his skin. His breath was labored, his body exhausted by the damage caused from Damon’s simple restraints.

    “Why are you so hotheaded?” Damon asked him.
    “Because…I care about….my friend…”
    “That’s good, but you do need to calm a bid in the end.”

    Ken rolled his eyes, taking a deep breath and relaxing himself.
    “You just don’t get it, huh?”

    Damon raised his eyebrows at that reply.
    “Explain to me, then, what I don’t get, Ken.” Ken kept shaking his head in disgust.

    “You and Sophie intruded on us BOTH! Seb and I were supposed to do this together, best friends working to go through the league on our own! It was OUR dream together. We were planning this since we were kids; we always knew we would want to be pokemon trainers, we even discussed what pokemon we wanted to ****ing catch! This was going to be our time together! OUR TIME! But since you came into the picture, Seb has been
    trying to follow YOU around and do what you do.”

    Damon didn’t know what to say or do this time. His usual stoic thoughts were replaced with remorse for the teen in front of him. He was bruised and bloodied, but it took a few words instead of his fists to finally induce some emotional response from Damon.

    “He never said anything to me about it, believe me, I never wanted to intrude.”
    “I know.” Ken said softly, hating to admit his own mistakes. “I know you are trying to help, and I appreciate it, but it didn’t matter. Seb would hide his intentions from anyone, even me. He is too damn shy for his own good.”

    Damon just smiled a bit. “I see why you're friends then, opposites attract.” For the first time since the cave in, Ken grinned with mild embarrassment.
    “Yeah, we are good friends. But when you got involved, I felt like you were trying to take him away from our plans…” he sighed, “and away from me. This is why I have been so hostile towards you.”
    “You don’t need to be.” Said Damon, his voice warmer and calm once more. “I was just helping fellow trainers out. I was never trying to break you up.”
    “Look, let’s stop the self-pity fest for now, and pick this up LATER please?” Ken said suddenly. He looked directly into Damon’s dark eyes before taking a deep breath, trying to calm his aching body.
    “You said before you had a plan to find them?” He asked Damon.

    The older teen just nodded, before turning and recalling his Gengar back into its pokeball. In an instant, Ken’s Magby was alleviated from its fearful state, free from the glaring stare of Damon’s pokemon. Damon then reached for his belt, grabbing another pokeball and tossing it gently to the floor. The tunnel filled with a crimson light for a moment, before subsiding, revealing his Sandslash in the flickering light of Ken’s Magby.

    “Ken, bring your Magby to the new opening here.” Ken only nodded, before motioning his baby pokemon to follow him. The small baby cooed for moment, and waddled in front of Ken towards Damon, who was busy leading the small group towards the new tunnel that was created by the creature that began this entire scenario.

    The tunnel, now brightened slightly by Magby, was wide yet coarse. Easily bigger than the entrance tunnel of the cave, but not as smooth; large, jagged marks are scrawled on the walls and strewn around the floor are large, sharp boulders that were gouged from the walls, making any trek through the tunnel difficult at best. Damon’s look went from concern to downright fear; his spine tingled as his eyes scanned this scene of absolute destruction. This time though, Ken noticed the change in Damon’s eyes.

    “What’s the matter?”
    “This is going to be a bit more difficult than I thought.” Damon said. He then turned to his Sandslash.

    “Crush, take the boulders out long the pathway please.” He said calmly. The creature nodded and charged the closest rock, its body curled up in a ball and spinning rapidly towards the fallen chunk in front of it. With one quick strike, the boulder shattered into dust and mini fragments, as the Sandslash double backed before rolling towards another target.

    “So what made this?” Ken asked, as they passed by the deep gash marks along the cavern walls. Damon’s Sandslash leading the way, clearing the big boulders as they went, while the two trainers and Ken’s Magby trailed behind, slowly but carefully.

    “Only one creature could have made this tunnel.” Damon said.
    “Onix?"
    “No. It would have been smaller and the marks on the walls would be smoother. There is no way an Onix did this.”
    “Then what did it?”

    Damon kept wondering to himself ‘It can’t be here. Did they release it?’ His thoughts were racing again.
    “I can only think of one thing….but it’s not possible…at least here it can’t be…”
    “Well, whatever the hell it is, we should move faster.”
    “For once, I agree with you, Ken.” Damon said, smiling in the pale light. He then called out,

    “CRUSH, DOUBLE TIME! Move as quickly as you can so we can run!”

    The pokemon likely nodded within it’s spherical shape; with remarkable speed it began plowing through the sharpened rocks like a wrecking ball, leaving an indented pathway gouged in the dirt from the increasing speed that is accumulated.

    “Let's go, we got to move, NOW!” Cried Damon who began running after his Sandslash, Ken and Magby followed suit, Ken grabbing the baby pokemon and cradling it in his arms as he accelerated himself to catch up with Damon.


    Sebastian couldn’t see in the darkness. The sounds of cave dissipated to minor rumbles around him, and the constant tapping of the rain along the caverns outer walls. His voice was coarse from yelling, his body exhausted from the lack of rest, but he kept moving north, or at least he thought it was north, to find her.

    “Sophie!” he cried out again, but to no avail.

    He slowly walked towards the nearest wall, and in one swift motion sat himself down on the ground, leaning against the cold stone. He kicked the dirt at his feet and gritted his teeth out of frustration.

    ‘Where are you, Sophie. And more importantly, how the **** do I get out of here?’ He thought to himself. ‘I HAVE to find you. I can’t…I can’t just leave you here.’

    “Hello?”

    It was a faint sound, echoing through the cave like a whisper in the wind, but it was enough to catch Sebastian’s ears.

    “SOPHIE?” Sebastian called out, his voice nearly cracking.
    “SEB? WHERE ARE YOU!”
    “Sophie! Thank god it’s you! FOLLOW MY VOICE, OK!”
    “I can’t if you don’t TALK!”

    Sebastian just laughed, a bit.

    “Ok, can you hear me now!”
    “I ****ing hate this cave.”
    “So do I, no worries once were together.”
    “You see me yet?”

    Sebastian looked to his right, and in the darkness spotted a silhouetted figure.

    “Sophie!?” He called out to the figure.
    “Seb?” it replied!

    In a flash Sebastian jumped up from his resting place, and ran towards the figure, colliding with her and giving her a big hug.

    “Ok, ok, let go, I’m glad to see you too.” Sophie said, pushing the teen off of her.

    “Oh..erm…sorry Sophie. I was just so worried I lost you” Said Sebastian nervously, in the darkness his face reddened with embarrassment.

    “Well, you didn’t. Now we gotta get the hell out of here before this cave collapses’.”
    “The only way back to the entrance is blocked now though, it’s this way!” Sebastian said, grabbing Sophie’s arm and pulling her towards the opposite way. He then looked around quickly, noticing something he didn't realize before.

    "Where is Amp?" Sebastian asked, as he and Sophie began to race towards the collapased tunnel.
    "I don't know, we got seperated because of the tremors."
    "We got to get to Damon so he can find it, then."

    CRACK!

    The cave began to rumble roughly once again, causing the two teens to stop and duck down close to the ground. The wall to their right bursted open in a magnificent explosion of flying rubble; some of the smaller contents striking the teen’s as they crouched low to the ground to avoid contact with the larger rocks.

    “What the….” Was all Sebastian could say before a giant ROAR vibrated from the new hole in the cavern wall, the creature inside slowly revealing itself like a snake to the trainers. Its massive jaws looked cut from stainless steel, it’s entire body was a gleaming sheen of metal in the darkness.

    The Steelix emitted another loud ROAR, this time for joy, as it finally found what it was looking for.
    Last edited by LinksOcarina; 8th April 2008 at 5:53 PM. Reason: grammatical errors and continuity
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

  24. #49
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Behind you...
    Posts
    1,292

    Post Review time!

    Hey, you're finally back...

    First Review FTW!

    The Grammar Check:

    The young creature was too frightened to make a move.
    a ghastly grin on its face as it glared directly at the baby Magby
    instead he countered it by grabbing Ken’s arm and, with a quick twist of his body, pulled it behind Ken’s own back. Ken began to struggle, but could not break from the hold. Damon brought the hold in more, twisting Ken’s arm as far back as he can without breaking it in two.
    “I see why you’re friends then, opposites attract.”
    “Only one creature could have made this tunnel.”
    “Onix?
    Let’s go, we got to move, NOW!”
    Its massive jaws looked cut from stainless steel,
    The Chapter Check:

    Cute. Ken finally gets along with Damon and Seb has a hug-me spree with Sophie. Plus a Steelix that looks happy to see Seb or Sophie adds a lot of curiosity to the chapter.

    Just don't keep us waiting for too long to see what happens next. It's getting interesting.

    L@er!
    The Corei Quest's latest chapter: Chapter Forty Seven: Tricks of the Trade (24 April 2014)
    PROJECT C-SQUARE STATUS = 100.00% Complete (11-12-2010, ca. 2:40pm GMT)
    HEART OF SEVEN STONES IS ON INDEFINITE HIATUS (REAPED) UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE
    Butt-ugly Banner by Me
    (Still waiting on the excellent Saffire Persian for another awesome TCQ banner!)

  25. #50
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    New York, NY
    Posts
    249

    Default

    First im sorry about the grammar, I posted it at 12 AM after writing it for three hours.

    Second, it may be a while, because I have a LOT of work I should be doing. Patience is a great virtue, and i'm glad your enjoying the fic enough to deal with the long waits.

    And as always, thank you for cleaning up my grammar, I still need some work on that department I guess.
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

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