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Thread: The Journey (R)

  1. #51
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    Finally a new chapter has been added. Wonder why the Steelix was looking for Sophie and Sebastian? One sentence towards the end needs a period or comma. It was Sebastian talking. Hopefully we won't have to wait another three months for the next chapter. Maybe two months this time
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  2. #52
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    At this rate, it might be a long wait . I will try and push myself for sooner though.
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

  3. #53
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    Default More story! Sweet!

    Bah, don't push yourself too much. That only leads to a hurried, incomplete story. Take your time, dude. It's great to see you're still going.

    Trainer card of my Pearl team done by me. Background found on Google images. Sprites courtesy of Pokemon Elite 2000

  4. #54
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    I just read the first chapter and I like the way you are going so far, but you -really- need to watch the tenses.

    Make sure everything is coherent and going in a past tense and it'll be gravy.

    I'm looking for the more grown up versions of fics, so I'm glad I've found yours.
    When a friend gets mortally wounded everything gets put into perspective. Its time to go find the cure: Lugia.
    Running Away From Dreams - A Fan fiction (complete)
    Jamie never wanted to be a trainer but Tom didn't like being dead. The adventures of Jamie and Deadman

  5. #55
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    Thank you very much, TC. The tense problem is something I fully admit I am not too good at. Grammar is not my specialty, which is bad since I want to be some type of writer in the future, but it used to be a LOT worse.

    Enjoy the other chapters, I look forward to a review of the overall storyline.
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

  6. #56
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    “And why is that?” Sophie asked. Damon just smirked for a second.
    ”I’m not a people person.” Damon said flatly.
    “No ****.” Muttered Ken under his breath.

    That made me laugh damn hard.. was thinking of Will Smith or someone say that at the time, good job.

    Damon seems like one messed up individual.. this could be interesting.
    When a friend gets mortally wounded everything gets put into perspective. Its time to go find the cure: Lugia.
    Running Away From Dreams - A Fan fiction (complete)
    Jamie never wanted to be a trainer but Tom didn't like being dead. The adventures of Jamie and Deadman

  7. #57
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    Advice:
    Just give things a quick read over before you post it, there's some really simple mistakes that could be corrected in no time at all. The tenses thing keeps leaping out at me.

    Critique:
    I've finally finished catching up and I really like it. Seriously, good job. The plot is lacking in the cliché department, so just keep it up. Don't take the easy way out of putting legendaries into the story (I'm guilty of this). This is a refreshing read because the characters are refreshing and the chapters don't begin with some ********
    "The world was created in seven days so says the book of Jimagrapha"

    Am I right in saying there might be a Damon/Sophie thing? Their characters seem like she could fall for his mysterious ways.

    We should be fic buddies, put me on the PM list
    When a friend gets mortally wounded everything gets put into perspective. Its time to go find the cure: Lugia.
    Running Away From Dreams - A Fan fiction (complete)
    Jamie never wanted to be a trainer but Tom didn't like being dead. The adventures of Jamie and Deadman

  8. #58
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    Sure.

    I never really made a PM list (which might be why I never get many readers, lol) but I can definitly start one if you, and anyone else is interested.

    Is there any way I can save names or something like that to make it easier though, I don't frequent these boards enough to know much about the system here.

    ETA: As for Damon/Sophie, I will reveal nothing.

    General rule of thumb for my writing; I am a fan of the narrative and secretive styles of Lost and Heroes, so I am trying to make my story more akin to that. So I won't be revealing much until the middle of the fic, and were no where near the end yet.
    Last edited by LinksOcarina; 16th April 2008 at 5:45 PM. Reason: Little things
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

  9. #59
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    A PM list? Add me to it! I just write my PM list down on a piece of paper and put it somewhere where I can find it.
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  10. #60
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    Default Quasi Bump

    Yes, I am sort of bumping my own fic into the open again, primarily because I have an announcement.

    With school finally winding down, and the summer coming, I should have some extra time, so in two weeks I can promise at least one chapter up for the story. I am hoping that the summer will yield some time to write a lot for the story, at the very least 3-5 chapters. This might, however, be the last time I get to write so much, primarily because of me graduating from college now, and searching for jobs/ graduate school. So I might close the story, kind of in a book 1 of a series fashion, after I get to a certain point in the narrative.

    I hope that the people who do like The Journey continue to read it and enjoy it, and if anyone wishes to be added to a PM list, I will happily put you in. Other than that, enjoy what I have for now.

    Links.
    Last edited by LinksOcarina; 5th May 2008 at 9:58 PM. Reason: Ammendum
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

  11. #61
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    Default Whoo!

    Can't wait to see more, Links. Also, congrats on the graduation and good luck on the job search!

    Trainer card of my Pearl team done by me. Background found on Google images. Sprites courtesy of Pokemon Elite 2000

  12. #62
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    Yeah, add me to the PM list. Congrats. By the way, you might like the film Out Law starring Sean Bean, Danny Dyer, Bob Hoskins. Its on youtube in 11 parts but the ending is very similar to a moment n your fic.
    When a friend gets mortally wounded everything gets put into perspective. Its time to go find the cure: Lugia.
    Running Away From Dreams - A Fan fiction (complete)
    Jamie never wanted to be a trainer but Tom didn't like being dead. The adventures of Jamie and Deadman

  13. #63
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    Default Your review is ready holmes.

    Well first things first. As I said in the PM, the title is so blunt its kinda funny. If no one else sees it that way, well at least it made me laugh. Even though it wasn’t probably meant for that.

    On first notice, the prologue was rather dark, in both senses of the word. First sense, it was in a pitch-black cave (darn Amp) and in the second sense it was kinda sinister. I mean dark shape, glowing eyes.

    Okay, the first chapter. One year later and there is a huge celebration in the town of Ganlon (Fake region, always fun. I find it increases the originality sevenfold, and it’s kind of an unspoken rule for me that there is lots of originality in a fic.) The celebration it seems is to see off the latest in a long line of trainers vying for supremacy.

    Kenneth Wesker and Sebastian Caine.
    (Now Wesker, Backstabbing *many expletives*, sorry but those memories of finally completing Resident Evil, by far the hardest one, still linger in my mind. And Caine, like Horatio Caine from CSI: Miami. One man and his sunglasses, the greatest love story ever written.)

    And you bring family ties into it, however frequent. It’s often the problem that it’s our hero(es) and only our hero(es) therefore you don’t get enough depth in there. Plus they don’t just go; right I’m on a journey so I’ll just leave unexpectedly.

    "Well..." he says, keeping his focus on the paper in front of him, "Rawst is closer, but Liechi is bigger, and also has a pokemon gym." He replied back.
    Yay. Towns named after Berries. I suppose it was easier than coming up with your own names for them.

    “No good!” Sebastian cried, “it just missed it.”
    “******** dude! He hit it, so it counts!” Ken called back. “Wooper, good job. Got to work on the aiming though, but that was awesome.”
    “Wwoopperr!” It cried back in excitement. “Your turn buddy.” Ken said, as he grabbed the stick and began to run back to where he was standing before. Sebastian then bent down, and looked at Cubone right in the eyes.
    This section could be cleaned up a lot nicer than it is. After each bit of speech double tap enter, it makes it look nicer like this.

    “No good!” Sebastian cried, “it just missed it.”

    “******** dude! He hit it, so it counts!” Ken called back. “Wooper, good job. Got to work on the aiming though, but that was awesome.”

    “Wwoopperr!” It cried back in excitement. “Your turn buddy.” Ken said, as he grabbed the stick and began to run back to where he was standing before. Sebastian then bent down, and looked at Cubone right in the eyes.


    It looks more presentable, and it gives your fic a cheating little length boost. ;]

    I won’t point out all the other sections but you get the idea by the example I just pointed out.

    Despite that it wasn’t that long, I suppose it was only the second chapter and usually you can’t do much about it plot wise, so they tend to turn up on the short side. Perhaps you could have fleshed it out a bit more, maybe got some character interactions in there perhaps one-on-ones between trainer and pokemon, getting to know one another. You could also bring the Pokémons personalities in as well.

    And a new Cubone knowing Bonemerang, that means it already level 28 at least (I like Marowak you see) a bit odd, by that standard it’s close to evolution.

    Gah. Evil Seedot. The water will be avenged.

    The Battle was nicely written and the Seedot got what was coming to it, Haha.

    Ken just laughed. “I thought so dude. That’s ok though.” He looked down at his Wooper and said to it, “Wooper, fill those bottles with your water gun attack.”
    Eww. Are you sure that stuff is safe to drink, I mean its been in something’s mouth.

    We get introduced to Damon, the owner of the Ampharos in the prologue that abandoned Seb. Apparently he is a pretty good trainer and wishes to give out some advice, tough older type character that will probably stay or return later.

    Tough older shady type guy, answers cell phone, it can only be bad. As I said, only bad. And I suppose the Magby and Elekid are the ‘merchandise’ Damon mentioned.

    Ken is to damn proud sometimes....and Damon is to strong willed…’
    That should be ‘too damn proud’ and too strong willed’

    Are these people all super surfers, I mean the over excessive use of the word ‘dude’ is getting annoying.

    Just then, there was a knock on the tent flap.
    How can you knock on a tent flap?

    HOW DARE YOU TALK TO MY FATHER LIKE THAT!
    Her dad is travelling with them as well? I’m sure you meant talk about my father.


    I do have a point to make, I mean I know you have an R rated fic here, but the amount of swearing in this thing is annoying, I don’t want to keep deciphering starred out words into possible swearwords they can be. I’m sure not all teens swear like drunken sailors.

    Gym battle was nicely described, and so was the fistfight in the alley. I must say that the overall goodness of this fic has improved, which makes sense.

    So you say this is kind of like Lost, in the way that everything is significant. Damn that show irritated me to no end with its unfinished storylines and unanswered questions and the fact it moved to Sky One, which I don’t have. Anyway, a fic like that could be good in ways, just have to make people want to come back for more.

    Oh. I happened to be at the end of your fic, I thought there were more chapters. Damn, I want to know what happens in the cave, I want to know more. Heroes FTW.

    The conclusion. AKA ‘the sum-up of all fears.’

    At the start, the story was kinda bland. Two kids journey from small town to prosper in the world of pokemon training. Gladly, you brought other stuff into it, the introduction of Damon. A pretty cool and quite believable character, the older been there, done that, bought the t-shirt kinda guy ready to share his knowledge. With his own secret agenda not forgetting. Then Sophie, the love interest in the story. Beautiful, strong and a bit short-fused, make sure she doesn’t fall into a Mary Sue trap and please make sure she doesn’t turn into a Misty clone.

    As for the main, main characters Ken and Seb, they too are believable, not too overly powerful and not too overly idiotic. However Ken does annoy me with his constant shouting and swearing. Like a character from Divinity’s fic ‘Shattered Pieces’ I really just want to slice off his head and store it on a pike in front of my house. Ken say hi to a Totodile.

    Seb is your typical nervous/nice guy, he likes to help people but isn’t too overly confident like one of their close friends is bound to be. However he does have a charm about him that makes him a likeable guy.

    As for the pokemon, I would like to see them make more of an appearance rather than just in battles or being used as tools to aid the trainers living. Its something about fics that I really like, nicely described and realistic pokemon. Dogs have their own personalities; I mean my family owns two West Highland Terriers, ones older (about 3-4) and quite placid, whilst the other one is quite young (1-2) and a bit hyperactive. Its just something nice to put in and is helpful for adding length and character development.

    Overall, It started out quite average but as it progressed, you yourself progressed as a writer and the chapters were better and more readable, whilst not amazing, your grammar has improved a lot. But I’ll leave Air Dragon to pick up all of those.

    I would give you a 7 out of 10 overall, but as it has only just started. For a journey fic anyway. It does have chance to improve which I’m sure it will do, have fun continuing writing your Heroes/Lost epic and I will have fun continuing reading.
    Skogsrĺ

    Gardenia never liked the Old Chateau, but what if the Old Chateau liked her?

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  14. #64
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    My logic is that the pokemon are accessable to all their moves for their level, just to make things easier.

    And thank you for the pointers in grammar and the good and bad criticism, it is much appreciated Diddy, I hope you keep reading as I sprinkle a chapter here and there from time to time. And hey, 7/10 is better than I expected (i'm too critical on myself.) Anyway thank you for the review, it is much appreciated!

    I must confess though, what do you mean by mary-sue? I hear that all over the forums, but never really understood what makes a mary-sue.
    Last edited by LinksOcarina; 7th May 2008 at 11:31 PM.
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

  15. #65
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    Hey man,
    Read all the chapters you wrote. There pretty good. I do see some grammer mistakes but to me thats no big deal cuse you can understand it anyway. But its a pretty good story. Can't wait for more chapters.
    "Everyone is a genius. But if your going to judge a fish on it's ability to climb a tree, it will always feel like an idiot." - Albert E.

  16. #66
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    Default Woah!

    Holy crap! I'm back!

    Well, sort of. I actually split the chapter up a bit, because I am so damn busy it is hard for me to write much now a days. This is a small portion of what the chapter was supposed to be, but it will do, so I am making it it's own chapter as of right now.

    With that said, I hope you all enjoy it. Not much happens here, but I had fun writing this bit when I did it.

    Same disclaimer applies, the story is rated R for violence, innuendos, etc.

    Chapter 16- Chase

    The Steelix’s gleeful roar echoed through the cavern’s granite walls, shaking them from the terrible, hollowed sound. Sebastian and Sophie covered their ears from the high pitched sound, one that could easily rupture their eardrums at such a close range. Sebastian could barely think with the sound echoing in his brain, but innately, he knew one thing he had to do in such a situation.

    “RUN!” He shouted, before grabbing Sophie’s slender wrist and pulling her away from the Steelix. The two teens began to sprint as fast as they could in the darkness, unsure of where to go in the blackness of the cave, but getting away from the shadowy figure of the Steelix behind them.

    The Steelix, however, would not have any of that. Snapping its mouth in the air madly, it tried to grab onto the teens, gripping them in a steel vice. Its massive jaws snapped the stagnant air around Sebastian and Sophie, barely missing the two in the darkness. Emitting a angry growl, it charged forward, squeezing through the hole it created at a faster pace.

    The two teens began running as fast as they could, their hearts pounding with each strident step, as if they would leap from their chests out of exhaustion. Their muscles turned into elastic jelly in their bodies and they pumped their legs to gather as much speed as possible. Their minds began to get cloudy, their breathing labored as they ran; the Steelix giving chase, moving swiftly enough through the caves to keep up with the teens.

    “WHERE ARE WE GOING?” Shouted Sebastian, as the two kept running away from the giant pokemon behind them.

    “WHO CARES….LETS GET OUT OF HERE!” Sophie shot back. Her voice was wavering slightly as she tried to breathe through the pain in her body.

    In the black, it was nearly impossible to see. The darkness of the cave obscured any vision the teens may have, and numerous times they nearly ran into a cavern wall, or tripped on a large stone. Luck was with them as they sprinted by, for they never lost much ground against the chasing Steelix. The Steelix kept chugging along at a close enough distance, making growling snarls to the teens and snapping it’s steel jaws towards them, hoping to capture something inside it besides the pungent cave air.

    “LOOK!” Sophie suddenly shouted,

    Finally, in the distance of a long tunnel, a faint light can be seen by the two.

    “IS…IT A….WAY OUT?” Sebastian shouted.
    “I DON’T KNOW.” Sophie shouted back.

    “ROOOOAAARR” The Steelix made, almost deafening the teens again. From that, the two trainers rushed towards the illuminated source, while the Steelix now pounding the cavern walls behind it with its tail, causing small tremors to shake the foundations of the cave.

    The tremors began to quake around the trainers, causing their already weakened legs to wobble even more on uneven ground. Their bodies were tired from having to run for what seemed like forever inside the cave. Sebastian, unable to hold his balance any longer, fell over on the quaking ground, his body giving out to exhaustion. Sophie stopped dead in her tracks, and turned back to grab Sebastian.

    “LEAVE ME!” He shouted. But Sophie just shook her head.

    “NO WAY, LETS GO!” She said, grabbing his arm and trying to lift his frame from the ground. The quaking of the cave made this difficult, but Sebastian just shoved her off of him.

    “GET OUT OF HERE! GO!” He said, and he reached for his belt and grabbed one of his pokeballs, tossing it onto the ground next to him. In a flash of red light, the round, shadowy shape of his Seedot was now next to him, it’s big doe eyes scanning the cave as its own body shook from the Seelix’s earthquakes.

    “I AM NOT GOING WITHOUT YOU!” She cried, but another loud ROOOAARR from the Steelix overpowered her voice.

    The iron snake finally stopped inches from Sebastian’s laying point, its giant head in the air, breathing somewhat heavily from the chase it participated in. The creatures face was tilted upwards in a grinning snarl, almost as if it was laughing at the foolishness of the two teens trying to escape. It brought its snout close to Sebastian’s face, almost sniffing the air around him, and breathing on him with full force. Sebastian didn’t move a muscle, his eyes wide in fear as the creature eyed him in the dark. Behind him, he felt more rumbling, but this time it was not from the earthquakes the Steelix made, but of his Seedot, cowering in fear from the massive pokemon before it.

    Sophie too, was frozen in terror, not moving anything except her hand, slowly reaching down to grab a pokeball at her side.

    “Make a move, Seb.” Whispered Sophie.

    The Seelix, inches from Sebastian’s head, jerked from the noise, its gaze now solely on the young female. Sebastian moved his hand, feeling for his Seedot, still shaking slightly from the Steelix’s presence.

    “Attack it, Seedot.” Sebastian said, but the grass type didn’t move, too petrified to do anything against the iron snake. Sebastian tried to push his pokemon in front of him, forcibly moving the Seedot towards the Steelix, but the acorn just stood its ground, too terrified to move.

    “Please….Seedot.” Sebastian pleaded. He began to hold the Seedot with his hand, trying to calm his pokemon down. The Seedot’s shakes began to slow, but it didn’t make any effort to move against the Steelix.

    The Steelix moved its head back and forth, sniffing the air around Sebastian some more before focusing its gaze on Sophie. It followed a similar pattern, moving slowly, as if playing with the two, toying with their rapidly depleting courage. Neither of them could see it, but in the darkness the Steelix’s beady black eyes were gleaming with delight at its actions, enjoying the slow torture it was placing on its prey.

    Like a curious predator, the Steelix tilted its head upwards, flexing its serpent body outwards as its head rose to the ceiling of the cave. It let out a triumphant growl, as it opened its large mouth and brought it closer towards Sebastian. Its teeth were like sharp steel needles, ready to grab and pierce its prey.

    The Steelix roared in delight as it closed in on Sebastian’s head, its great mouth almost the goalpost opened wide. Sebastian could do nothing but watch in horror, and scream in terror, as the pokemons jaws came crashing down on his body.
    Last edited by LinksOcarina; 1st July 2008 at 7:44 AM. Reason: Typo fixes
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

  17. #67
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    The Steelix’s gleeful roar echoed through the caverns granite walls
    Just a missing apostrophe here, for the word 'cavern's'.


    The two teens began to sprint as fast as they can in the darkness
    For the tense you tend to write in, this should say "as fast as they could".


    Emitting a angry growl, it charged itself forward, squeezing through the hole it created at a faster pace.
    Here, the word 'itself' isn't needed. It sounds a little odd with it in the sentence.

    The two teens began running as fast as they can, their hearts pounding with each strident step, as if they would leap from their chests out of exhaustion. Their muscles turned into elastic jelly in their bodies and they pumped their legs as gather as much speed as possible.
    Couple things here. First, not to be repetitive, it should read "as fast as they could". Second, the last part of it should read "they pumped their legs to gather...". Just small typos.

    making growling gnarls to the teens
    Just another typo looks like. I'm fairly certain you meant snarls, not gnarls

    “ROOOOAAARR” The Steelix made, almost deafening the teens ears again.
    The word 'ears' is extraneous here. Like the above example, the sentence just sounds awkward.

    Their bodies were tired, having to run for what seemed like forever inside the cave.
    Another awkward sounding sentence. If you put the word 'from' into it, i.e. "Their bodies were tired from having...", it just gives it an easier flow.

    The creatures face was tilted upwards in a grinning snarl,
    Another missed apostrophe. No biggie.

    Both of them couldn’t see it, but in the darkness the Steelix’s beady black eyes were gleaming with delight if its actions, enjoying the slow torture it is placing on its prey.
    Starting the sentence with "Neither of them could see it,..." is more proper. Also, "gleaming with delight at its actions,..." and "torture it was placing...". Just a couple more small typos.

    Otherwise, dude, well done again. I'm excited every time I see this fic update. Keep at it, just don't let it strees you. The rest of life does that just fine on its own.

    Edit: To fix my own typos *grin*
    Last edited by Huckleberry; 1st July 2008 at 1:11 AM.

    Trainer card of my Pearl team done by me. Background found on Google images. Sprites courtesy of Pokemon Elite 2000

  18. #68
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    Whats funny is I took out the apostraphes on most of the words because I thought they didn't fit. The typos though I didn't notice, thanks for once again proving that I suck at grammar, lol.

    And I am glad your enjoying the fic so far. As long as people keep reading, I will keep posting as much as I can, when I can.
    The Journey (Rated R)

    A pokemon adventure that will take you on a journey through the lives of budding trainers.

    3DS friend code: 2981-6128-1202

    Local Vivillon: Polar Pattern. If you want one I shall send it.

  19. #69
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    Hey man this is great, good on ya and keep up the good work!
    I'm just a big fan of beer and cricket.

  20. #70
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    Hey man this is great, good on ya and keep up the good work!
    I'm just a big fan of beer and cricket.

  21. #71
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    Emitting a angry growl,
    The a here should be an. That's mostly the only thing I noticed. A really big cliffhanger at the end. Will Sebastian live? Will Ken and Damon find Sophie and Sebastian? I cannot wait for the next chapter

    Until next time, this is Shadow Lucario signing off
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  22. #72
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    Emitting a angry growl,
    The a here should be an. That's mostly the only thing I noticed. A really big cliffhanger at the end. Will Sebastian live? Will Ken and Damon find Sophie and Sebastian? I cannot wait for the next chapter

    Until next time, this is Shadow Lucario signing off
    Credit goes to MagicMochi. Check out their shop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder
    While it is very reminiscent of a lot of journey trainer fics, it held my attention. It stands out among a lot of the other fics I've read lately and I'm excited to continue the story.

  23. #73
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    The typos though I didn't notice, thanks for once again proving that I suck at grammar, lol.


    Bah! *waves it away* Typos happen to everyone and no one has perfect grammar. You actually have much better grammar than a good majority of fan fic writers, which is something to be proud of.

    Edit to fix broken quote

    Trainer card of my Pearl team done by me. Background found on Google images. Sprites courtesy of Pokemon Elite 2000

  24. #74
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    Wow inspiring, truly inspireing.

    Could you please rate my thread? its not that good but ive got 2 people just attacking it and not helping me at all. they are: 'Yami Ryu' and 'storymasterb'. Please people i've just started it and these people are just attacking it
    http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=335224
    Please and thanks.

  25. #75
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Behind you...
    Posts
    1,292

    Talking Now for my two cents...

    “WHO CARES….LET’S GET OUT OF HERE!”
    its big doe eyes scanning the cave as its own body shook from the Steelix’s earthquakes.
    “Make a move, Seb.” Sophie whispered.
    as the pokemon’s jaws came crashing down on his body.
    Mmmmm, Sebastian... tastes like chicken.

    Wow, this had to be the shortest chapter you’ve written thus far. But it was certainly suspenseful.

    Well, all we can do now is wait.

    L@er!
    The Corei Quest's latest chapter: Chapter Forty Seven: Tricks of the Trade (24 April 2014)
    PROJECT C-SQUARE STATUS = 100.00% Complete (11-12-2010, ca. 2:40pm GMT)
    HEART OF SEVEN STONES IS ON INDEFINITE HIATUS (REAPED) UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE
    Butt-ugly Banner by Me
    (Still waiting on the excellent Saffire Persian for another awesome TCQ banner!)

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