View Poll Results: What do you think of the story?

Voters
21. You may not vote on this poll
  • LOVE IT!!! The New BestSeller!

    4 19.05%
  • Awesome Story!!

    7 33.33%
  • Great!

    6 28.57%
  • Not bad, young one!

    2 9.52%
  • Interesting.

    4 19.05%
  • OK.

    2 9.52%
  • Make it more interesting, but good plot overall.

    1 4.76%
  • Needs some tinkering on story...

    1 4.76%
  • Uhhhh, lots of work needed.

    4 19.05%
  • Learn how to write plots!!!

    3 14.29%
Multiple Choice Poll.
Results 1 to 16 of 16

Thread: End of the Pokemon World Series/ Book One: Jirachi And The Ritual

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Wyoming, USA
    Posts
    209

    Default End of the Pokemon World Series/ Book One: Jirachi And The Ritual

    Announcements:
    End of The Pokemon Series Book One: Jirachi and the Ritual is accomplished. Book 2 to come out soon on the forums as Book Two: Raikou's Fury


    The book is based on an enemy coming to earth, and the series will have the Pokemon Rescue Team Cystra try and find the legendaries to save the world. This is only for the main plot; other books might branch off this in the series. And don't worry, I'm not going to follow the crowd for this type of apolyptic series.

    ----------------------------------------------

    End of The Pokemon World Series



    BOOK ONE: JIRACHI AND THE RITUAL

    PG for slight violence and a couple deaths in the storyline (not really graphic or anything)


    ----------


    Table of Contents

    Chapter One: The Beast
    Chapter Two: An Old Memory
    Chapter 3: The Enemy Within
    Chapter 4: The Grove
    Chapter 5: To Meet Jirachi
    Chapter 6: Raikou and Trainers
    Chapter 7: Captured!
    Chapter 8: Ritual
    Chapter 9: New Paths
    ---------------------

    Cast

    Charizard: Leader of Team Cystra

    Wisp: Misdreavus/ On Team Cystra/ Mature and intelligent female with control over most of her emotions

    Floe: Swinub/ On Team Cystra/ shy male who is honest and not assertive

    Togetic: Strong leader of Kanto Cove City/ Wise and old.

    Zip: Pidgey/ Small friend of Charizard/ On Team FeatherBranch/Young bird bursting with energy

    Razor: Bayleef/ Friend of Charizard/ On Team FeatherBranch/ Swift and cunning



    --------------------------
    Cast from the Past
    Charizard/Future leader of Team Cystra
    Togekiss/Current Leader of Kanto Cove
    Miltank/Healing nurse at the healing grove
    Blissey/Head healer at healing grove
    Chimecho/ Assistant nurse
    Togepi/ Twentieth in Toge Lineage, future leader of town,
    Swalot/ Leader at Post Office


    -------------------------






        Spoiler:- Prologue-Chapter One:
    Last edited by Bonsly-Bud; 11th January 2007 at 5:44 AM. Reason: BOOK IS DONE! Please comment on the story

    Super Smash Brothers Brawl Friend Code: 3523-1844-5527
    only use AR for playing with different pokemon as a starter when i get bored of the same three types on pearl (Hey, sometimes it's fun playing pearl with the choice of raising a spheal or misdreavus early on and ditching the piplup I've used for the 20th time!)

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    347

    Default

    Well..... it seems pretty good to me..... but everyone says that I can't tell good fics apart from bad fics..... so I'm probably wrong. It seems good to me at least! I get tired of the rescue team scenario for fics, but it's pretty good, even for my taste! Can't wait for Chapter 2!

    All weaknesses have been anhialated!
    Mega Man? Pokémon? Final Fantasy? Left 4 Dead? We've got those covered.
    Street Fighter? Zelda? Sonic? Team Fortress 2? Plenty of that, too.
    Resident Evil? Mario? Metal Gear? Portal? Of course!
    Farmville? Zork? Cooking Mama? Space Quest VI? Yep, even those.


    Have a laugh and hunt for cameos every Sunday.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Wyoming, USA
    Posts
    209

    Default

    thank you. I will be putting on the plot who the rest of the cast are in up and coming chapters. I'll try and edit it so you won't have too much spelling error.

    Edit: Here is Chapter 2: An Old Memory. Still doesn't explain much, but no humans on earth and who Enemy is are partially solved. Reason the cast in the future has a Togetic as Town leader is explained in this memory too.

        Spoiler:- Chapter 2: An Old Memory:
    Last edited by Bonsly-Bud; 11th December 2006 at 3:38 PM. Reason: make it not centered on page

    Super Smash Brothers Brawl Friend Code: 3523-1844-5527
    only use AR for playing with different pokemon as a starter when i get bored of the same three types on pearl (Hey, sometimes it's fun playing pearl with the choice of raising a spheal or misdreavus early on and ditching the piplup I've used for the 20th time!)

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    4,501

    Default

    Um yeah you know maybe you should read the rules. then you'd know posting multiple chapters in a post is a BIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig NO NO. Even if you're using spoilers. And wtf is with centering them and abusing the enter button? There's not even stacked scentences here, it's all spaced out and hard to read even more so! Center isn't easy on the eyes anyways.

    First this looked good and then by the second chapter it had me thinking along the lines of that 'Dragonrider book' and how would charizard be able to fly through human towns unmolested? I mean alot of trainers would probably drool at the chance to catch a fully grown charizard.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Wyoming, USA
    Posts
    209

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Yami Ryu View Post
    Um yeah you know maybe you should read the rules. then you'd know posting multiple chapters in a post is a BIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig NO NO. Even if you're using spoilers. And wtf is with centering them and abusing the enter button? There's not even stacked scentences here, it's all spaced out and hard to read even more so! Center isn't easy on the eyes anyways.

    First this looked good and then by the second chapter it had me thinking along the lines of that 'Dragonrider book' and how would charizard be able to fly through human towns unmolested? I mean alot of trainers would probably drool at the chance to catch a fully grown charizard.
    Quote Originally Posted by Yami Ryu View Post
    And wtf is with centering them and abusing the enter button?
    Thank you for your criticism. Now have it on left side. By the way I just double spaced to make it easier to read the lines. It's something I have to do for school reports all the time, and it makes this easier to read I think.

    Super Smash Brothers Brawl Friend Code: 3523-1844-5527
    only use AR for playing with different pokemon as a starter when i get bored of the same three types on pearl (Hey, sometimes it's fun playing pearl with the choice of raising a spheal or misdreavus early on and ditching the piplup I've used for the 20th time!)

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    4,501

    Default

    Ug now you stacked the prologue!

    Do you

    really

    think

    people

    want

    to

    read

    a

    story

    like

    this?

    It

    gets

    really

    old

    really

    fast

    and

    people

    will

    probably

    not read

    because

    it's lined

    like this

    and spaced

    It's like reading a poor mans script that has potential. Oh it's good, but then you go and make it look like crap by spacing it out and destroying whatever potential you have at drawing people in.

    The Comet blazed across the sky, shining like a beacon of hope to the pokemon watching. The pokemon rescue team army marched onward, knowing that this comet was unique. It was the Millennium comet, last seen when humans still had walked the earth. That had all changed that one fateful day. Only the Legend pokemon remembered such times, all others pokemon dead or too old to remember. But one pokemon had remembered these times. Gifted by the blessing of a ninetails and Jirachi 1000 years ago, he’d have life as long as the Ritual was performed. The Full Moon before and after Jirachi awakens from slumber would be when the ceremony would be done, replenishing the Ritual taker's memory, and strength, and power based on his kind heart. But this time, even the Ritual might not save him from what might be the end of Pokemon life as well, for the army couldn’t last forever.
    Oh wow we have something properly formated and easy to read!

    Now get to work on your own :/ and make the damn things actual scentences or paragraphs and not chopped to hell things.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Wyoming, USA
    Posts
    209

    Default Chapter 3:The Enemy Within

    Made Chapter 3. Explains what might be the only weakness to these Shadow guys, and goes a bit more into the past. Chapter 4 still being worked on, so I'll have it today or tomorrow
        Spoiler:- Chapter 3: The Enemy Within:
    Last edited by Bonsly-Bud; 15th December 2006 at 1:35 AM.

    Super Smash Brothers Brawl Friend Code: 3523-1844-5527
    only use AR for playing with different pokemon as a starter when i get bored of the same three types on pearl (Hey, sometimes it's fun playing pearl with the choice of raising a spheal or misdreavus early on and ditching the piplup I've used for the 20th time!)

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Wyoming, USA
    Posts
    209

    Default Chapter 4

    Chapter 4 delves into the places around Kanto Cove, and a bit on the guy on the title of the book. Tell me what ya think on the stuff, and thank you all for telling me what you think so far by pots and poll.
        Spoiler:- Chapter 4:The Grove:
    Last edited by Bonsly-Bud; 16th December 2006 at 10:08 PM.

    Super Smash Brothers Brawl Friend Code: 3523-1844-5527
    only use AR for playing with different pokemon as a starter when i get bored of the same three types on pearl (Hey, sometimes it's fun playing pearl with the choice of raising a spheal or misdreavus early on and ditching the piplup I've used for the 20th time!)

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Wyoming, USA
    Posts
    209

    Default

    Comment!
        Spoiler:- Chapter 5: To Meet Jirachi:
    Last edited by Bonsly-Bud; 17th December 2006 at 3:42 AM.

    Super Smash Brothers Brawl Friend Code: 3523-1844-5527
    only use AR for playing with different pokemon as a starter when i get bored of the same three types on pearl (Hey, sometimes it's fun playing pearl with the choice of raising a spheal or misdreavus early on and ditching the piplup I've used for the 20th time!)

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Wyoming, USA
    Posts
    209

    Lightbulb Chapter 6: Raikou and Trainers

    Comment on it! plot twist I hope you enjoy, and also a cameo appearance.
        Spoiler:- Chapter 6:
    Last edited by Bonsly-Bud; 3rd January 2007 at 12:32 AM.

    Super Smash Brothers Brawl Friend Code: 3523-1844-5527
    only use AR for playing with different pokemon as a starter when i get bored of the same three types on pearl (Hey, sometimes it's fun playing pearl with the choice of raising a spheal or misdreavus early on and ditching the piplup I've used for the 20th time!)

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    347

    Default

    Wow, good plot! I wonder if Charizard will escape..... Good for you! I can't wait for number 7! Man, I just can't type down how amazed I am! Have a great day!
    Mega Man? Pokémon? Final Fantasy? Left 4 Dead? We've got those covered.
    Street Fighter? Zelda? Sonic? Team Fortress 2? Plenty of that, too.
    Resident Evil? Mario? Metal Gear? Portal? Of course!
    Farmville? Zork? Cooking Mama? Space Quest VI? Yep, even those.


    Have a laugh and hunt for cameos every Sunday.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Wyoming, USA
    Posts
    209

    Default

    thanks for the support! Chapter 7 to come out in a week or so, depending on if I finish The Odyssey soon or not. Homework is a drag...

    Oh well. I'm going to try and get to the main part of the story I made, but sometimes stories go on their own ways for a bit. Fervently working on the plots of the other books in the series as well, but only are rough, rough drafts. Next post coming up from me will be Chapter 7:Captured!
    Last edited by Bonsly-Bud; 29th December 2006 at 6:24 AM.

    Super Smash Brothers Brawl Friend Code: 3523-1844-5527
    only use AR for playing with different pokemon as a starter when i get bored of the same three types on pearl (Hey, sometimes it's fun playing pearl with the choice of raising a spheal or misdreavus early on and ditching the piplup I've used for the 20th time!)

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Wyoming, USA
    Posts
    209

    Default

    Please comment so far on my book, I love to hear opinions. Hopefully the plot is beginning to make sense now for people, so hopefully more people will enjoy this. Chapter 8 still working on, since it will have major components to the book.    Spoiler:- Chapter 7: Captured!:

    Super Smash Brothers Brawl Friend Code: 3523-1844-5527
    only use AR for playing with different pokemon as a starter when i get bored of the same three types on pearl (Hey, sometimes it's fun playing pearl with the choice of raising a spheal or misdreavus early on and ditching the piplup I've used for the 20th time!)

  14. #14

    Default

    like the plot. Seems to me that the Ritual could be those major components you're talking about. Hope to enjoy the book, and remember there's always room for improvement!
    My friend's story site
    I am the Tamer of Masquerain!
    (credit to Bonsly-Bud and SHOP OF PROFFESIONALS for banner)

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Wyoming, USA
    Posts
    209

    Default Chapter 8: Ritual

    Comment on what you think! The end of this book is coming, so hope this chapter helps! PM any questions
        Spoiler:- Chapter 8: Ritual:

    Super Smash Brothers Brawl Friend Code: 3523-1844-5527
    only use AR for playing with different pokemon as a starter when i get bored of the same three types on pearl (Hey, sometimes it's fun playing pearl with the choice of raising a spheal or misdreavus early on and ditching the piplup I've used for the 20th time!)

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Wyoming, USA
    Posts
    209

    Default End of Book One!/ Chapter 9: New Paths

    And now, the conclusion the first of many epics: Jirachi and the Ritual. Please Comment on the book, or at least do the poll. Book 2, by the way, is being written, so check my sig or the top of the page for link.
        Spoiler:- Chapter 9: New Paths:
    Last edited by Bonsly-Bud; 11th January 2007 at 3:15 PM.

    Super Smash Brothers Brawl Friend Code: 3523-1844-5527
    only use AR for playing with different pokemon as a starter when i get bored of the same three types on pearl (Hey, sometimes it's fun playing pearl with the choice of raising a spheal or misdreavus early on and ditching the piplup I've used for the 20th time!)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •