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Thread: Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

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    Default Hoenn Insane: The Version of R/S/E You Didn't See

    Ever wonder what would happen if a cynical idiot joined up in a quest with an obnoxious Mary-Sue? You're about to find out. Rated PG-13 for language. Some crude humor involved.

    Hoenn Insane
    The Version of R/S/E You Didn’t See

    (A/N: To avoid confusion, please consider the following. First off, all the misspellings in this story are here on purpose. They have EVERYTHING to do with the plot, as does the script format of the story. Secondly, yes, this is a silly little parody meant to entertain, but it also carries a message within it that I believe you roleplayers out there will appreciate. Thirdly, you may feel a little lost right at the beginning. Relax, it’s intended to be that way and will clear up quite quickly. Thank you, and enjoy! ^_^)

    ***

    "ok this is an rpg u go arond fiting peeps n aim 2 be pokmon master of the honn regin!!!!!

    ruls dont sware dont dubl post hav fun"


    Hmm . . . something's gone terribly wrong. I just felt a mass-disturbance in the atmosphere . . . as though a great evil has just been unleashed from its restraints, to wreak terrible havoc upon the world as we know it. This could throw off the balance of the uni-

    nam: Kenta Macauttum, last I checked.
    age: Sixteen . . . wait a second, what the hell is this? Why the hell am I filling out some weird application sheet all of a sudden?!
    pokmon: What's a pokmon? Oh, they must mean Poke'Mon. Wait, why do I have to reveal this? It's none of your business!

    Doesn't have a- . . . -cause the god has awa- . . . osing connec-

    ***

    . . . this doesn't make sense. I'm trying to have an adventure here. Is some buttwipe trying to twist reality on me? Hey! Whoever you are, quit it!

    Quit it . . . quit it . . . . . . . quit it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

    ************************************************** *******
    Prologue . . .
    ************************************************** *******

    Dear Diary;

    Hey, nice to finally be talking to you, if you could call this talking. My name’s Kenta Macauttum, and I’m a Poke’Mon trainer. I just bought you at Walmart for six bucks. Why Walmart? Well, Walmart’s taking over the world, just like George Dubya Bush and his cronies, so there’s really nowhere else to shop nowadays. But that’s not the point- I’ve decided to keep a trainer’s journal so that I could have something to talk to. I already have a companion, but that’s precisely WHY I need someone to talk to; because there’s no way in Hell I’m gonna be able to keep my sanity speaking to this girl. Her name’s Mary-Sue, and she just started following me the other day, for no apparent reason.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Hey, look Combusken . . . there’s some girl following us for no apparent reason.

    *End flashback*

    Woah, I’m going too fast! Let's just start with the formal introductions. I’m a beginner trainer who’s just started off in the Hoenn region, and so far I’ve already gotten my first badge. I’m writing here in Rustboro City, Poke’Mon Center to be precise, and I guess I should add that I’ve got a team of four Poke’Mon so far. Combusken’s my starter, followed up by Ralts, Slakoth and Nincada. As for me personally, I’m a martial arts trainee. I’m sixteen years old, and I’ve already gotten my black belt in karate, along with my own sword (er, not too clear on why I have that, though.) Heh, not bad huh? Some of my friends call me an egotistical maniac, but who doesn't like talking about himself-? Well whatever, point is, I’m not like those other helpless little kid trainers, like that Brendan nut who likes the ‘white-haired old geezer’ look, and May what's-her-name, who seems to have two bent antennas poking out of her little bandana. They couldn’t defend themselves for crap. But speaking of which, and getting back to the story, that’s when I first met Mary-Sue . . . in Rustboro, a helpless-looking little eight-year-old girl.

    *Flashback*

    Mary-Sue: hi im marysu

    Kenta: Uh . . . hi.

    Mary-Sue: hey can I join u

    Kenta: What?

    Mary-Sue: ur a pokmon traner can I com with u

    Kenta: What’s with the bad grammar? And no, I’m going it alone.

    Mary-Sue: oh cmon I wont get in the way I proms

    Kenta: Um . . . you’re five-foot nothing, and you have no Poke’Mon.

    Mary-Sue: ya I do I hav a richu a sucune a espeon and a artcuno

    Kenta: Right, sure you do . . . look, your parents are probably worried about you, and they might think I’m a child-crazy pervert if they see me talking to you like this, so maybe it would be a good idea for you to go home now.

    Mary-Sue: I was abandoned as a schild I got rased by celebi and now im a pokmn traner

    Kenta: You’re not even old enough to be a trainer . . .

    Mary-Sue: whatever im going wit u ill help u in any battles agenst the badguys

    Kenta: What badguys?

    *End Flashback*

    I did eventually let Mary-Sue join me, but that was only because she had the Rustboro gym badge (she probably stole it) and a Raichu, like she said. But I asked that we call it a night first, since it was evening out at the time (it’s night now, even though the sky isn’t any darker than it would be in the day.) Anyway, now would be a good time to finish up the writing, since I'm tired, but I’ll input more tomorrow evening. Until then,

    -Kenta

    ************************************************** ******************************

    *** Chapter 1: Giv Us Al Ur Pokmon ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it’s me again (what, you were expecting Larry the Cable Guy?), and I’m writing tonight in the Poke’Mon Center of Dewford Island. You know . . . that place with all the weird trend-slaves. Yeah, that’s right, everyone here is nuts. But wait, I’m getting ahead of myself again. Let’s go back to where I left off yesterday; Rustboro City. Mary-Sue and I were just doubling back through the Petalburg Forest . . .

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Eww! I think I stepped in dog doo!

    Mary-Sue: dats totaly dicusting

    Combusken: Brawk-hak-hak-hak!

    Kenta: Laugh it up, chicken boy . . .

    *End Flashback*

    Anyway, we did a little training through the forest and pretty much slaughtered every Poke’Mon in the forest. Ah, heh-heh,
    (^_^; ) we kinda left a trail of Poke’Mon behind us.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Good job, Nincada! I think you’ve practiced enough for one day . . .

    *Scene shifts to a bunch of fainted Slakoth, Silcoon and Cascoon, Wurmple, and other Nincada, strewn all over the ground*

    Mary-Sue: hey look theres the exet *Points to a light in between the trees showing the way out, and sure enough, there’s an exit sign nailed to one of the trees for no apparent reason*

    Kenta: Freakin’ awesome! I was getting kinda hot and sweaty in that forest, and I’m pretty sure a Wurmple crawled up my pant leg back there . . . either that or he was crawling down, which frankly, I don’t even wanna think about.

    Mary-Sue: lets ask mr briteny for a rid 2 th iland

    Kenta: God, it’s hard to understand what the hell you’re saying! And how do you know there’s a guy named Mr. Britany that lives in that hut?

    Mary-Sue: i dont no lets ask him

    Kenta: Hmm . . . *Finds a sign glued to the door* “Sorry, my Wingull ran away from home again, so I’ll be back whenever.” . . . it ran?

    Mary-Sue: *Running inside* mr briteny?????? were r u we ned a rid

    Kenta: Were you listening to a word I just said? *Goes inside* Hey, we shouldn’t be breaking into this guy’s . . . er . . . ramshackled little piece of crap hut without permission . . .

    Mary-Sue: hey lok wat i found in the kichen *Holds up a cookbook*

    Kenta: “Happy Chef’s Guide: Twenty Ways to Cook a Sea Bird” . . . no wonder the Wingull made a break for it. Well, NOW how are we gonna get to Dewford Island?

    Mystery Voice 1: hahahaha lets grab that wingul

    Mystery Voice 2: hahaahaha ok

    Kenta: Hey, uh . . . Mary-Sue, what’s with the cheesy evil laughter?

    Mary-Sue: its not me i heer somthing outsid

    Kenta: Wait, you mean there are MORE people with bad grammar in their speeches? *Looks further up the dialogue script* Oh. The Mystery Voice people. I can’t believe I didn’t see their names. *Reads script again* Wait, they’re here to take this guy’s Wingull? Don’t those morons know how to READ? And since when has a Wingull been worth jack as a Poke’Mon anyway?

    *The door flies off its hinges and smashes down onto the ground, revealing two people in Team Aqua uniforms. Cue astonished gasp sound effect.*

    Mary-Sue: geez u dint hav 2 bang it open so hrd

    Kenta: Actually, I think he only pushed it open gently, and the sissy hinges just broke like graham crackers . . . either that, or he was too stupid to turn the doorknob.

    Aqua 2: shut up brat im leros

    Aqua 1: and im kaira and were teem aqwa

    Kenta: Uh-HUH . . . I thought Halloween had come a little too early this year.

    Leros: shut up brat and-

    Kenta: You just said that! I’m BORED already!

    Kaira: give us al ur pokmon

    Kenta: Okay, here you are . . . sike! *Flings Poke’Ball* You’re up, Slakoth! Combusken, you go kick their asses too!

    Leros: hahahahaha ur pokmon r week go mityena

    Kaira go crawdant

    Kenta: A Mightyena and Crawdaunt-? . . . oh, sh-

    *End Flashback*

    So I was screwed. Despite how dumb these Aquas were, they actually had pretty good Poke’Mon. Well . . . better than mine, anyway. Due to some random knowledge that I got from some unknown source, I've decided Crawdaunt and Mightyena suck, but they didn't suck right then. And I was just getting really beaten on when Mary-Sue did something that made me lose all confidence as a man. If you don't mind, I'm now gonna flash back for the third time in less than two minutes.

    *Flashback*

    Leros: mityena us crunch

    Kaira: crawdant vicegrip

    Kenta: Alright, even though you guys are hopelessly slower and will never get an attack out . . . Combusken, Double Kick, Slakoth . . . oh dammit, don't do that Traunt thing on me now!

    Slakoth: Slaaaaaa . . .

    Mary-Sue: ill save u kenta go sucun us surf

    Suicune: CUUUUUUUNE! *Surf*

    Leros/Kaira: aaaaaaaaaaaa we giv up ull pay 4 this next tim

    Mary-Sue: whew that was clos u ok kenta

    Kenta: . . . .

    Mary-Sue: wat

    Kenta: Is that Suicune?!

    Mary-Sue: ya

    Kenta: Where the @#$% did you get a SUICUNE??!!

    Mary-Sue: i told u i had it now lets go 2 iland

    Kenta: Wait! Woah, woah, woah! I've put up with a lot of your weirdness already; your underage possession of Poke'Mon, your odd bad-grammar dialect, and your story about being raised by Celebi, but this crosses the line! We're not taking another step until you tell me-

    Mary-Sue: *Already riding her Suicune on the water* u commin

    Kenta: *Blinks* H-hey, don't leave without me!

    *End Flashback*

    So with one Surf attack, Mary-Sue's Suicune (can those words even be used together in a sentence like that?) took out the Aquas, with their own element. I still don't get why they were stalking around old man Britany's hut in the first place, or where the water for Surf came, or why it knocked out both the Aquas' Poke'Mon (especially their Crawdaunt) but didn't even injure them. But you know what? If I thought the world was smoking pot by then, I had yet to see just how bad it was on Dewford Island. Despite the fact that it should've taken us four or five hours to get from the Petalburg beach shore to Dewford, we made it there in a little over a minute. And that's including the random Poke'Mon battles we had along the way.

    *Flashback*

    *Scene shifts to a whole line of Tentacool passed out in the water, looking like bobbers floating on the waves*

    Kenta: Alright Ralts, nice work. Take a breather.

    Mary-Sue: lok were here

    Kenta: Are you serious?? Man . . . that was fast. Hey, I never noticed it before, but you can see your reflection in the water. Heh, where have I been all my life?

    Mary-Sue: ya u can c urself

    Kenta: I never thought about it, but I have a giant head . . . I'm like a powerpuff girl, only not as bug-eyed. Heh, sometimes I wonder how they support all that weight.

    Mary-Sue: same way u do lets go fite braly

    Kenta: Wait, how did you know the gym leader here was named Brawly?

    Mary-Sue: hurry up

    Kenta: . . . why do I even bother?

    Random guy: Hi! I like what's hip, happening, and trendy! Listen, have you heard about these new Spoink Muffins? Of course you have!

    Kenta: Um, hello. Odd way to break the ice.

    Random guy: I mean come on, Spoink Muffins . . . it's the hottest thing in cool! No matter where you go, Spoink Muffins is the-

    Kenta: EXCUSE ME! Are you high or something? You're going on about . . . about some 'Spoink Muffins' . . . and I don't even know who the hell you are!

    Random guy: My name's Random Guy! Aren't you paying attention to the script?

    Kenta: I'm not sure I can trust the script anymore . . . I've already seen three people in it with the worst grammar in the history of language arts. And what idiot names their kid 'Random Guy'?

    Random Guy: Hey, if I had a name, the makers of this game would have given me one.

    Kenta: Game? What game? Are you @#$%ing insane??

    Random Guy: Spoink muffins, spoink muffins, spoink muffins, spoink muffins!!

    Mary-Sue: lol hes crazy

    Kenta: (Note to self . . . avoid eye contact with every civilian in this town . . . and maybe the gym leader, too.)

    *End Flashback*

    Okay, well anyway, the day ended right after we checked in to the local Poke'Mon Center, even though I didn't get to have any meals and we were supposed to still have a good thirteen hours of sunlight left. I've decided not to question it, because it's kind of pointless. But I'm calling it a night, and by tomorrow, my Poke'Mon should be healed enough to take on Brawly at the gym. Badge 2, here I come! . . . if I don't get eaten by a wild Krabby or some random event like that.

    -Kenta
    Last edited by Kenta147; 18th February 2007 at 12:24 AM.

  2. #2
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    *** Chapter 2: Rather Awkward ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Cookie Monster?), and I'm writing this entry late in the afternoon, with a towel wrapped around me. See, I sort of fell in the water when a huge blinding light burned my eyes, and . . . aw hell with it, I'll just show you what happened.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: I just noticed, there's no bathroom in this Poke'Mon Center.

    Nurse Joy: Well, nobody ever has to go, so it seemed pointless.

    Mary-Sue: thats tru redy 2 go now

    Kenta: Are you in some sort of hurry?

    *Five minutes later, at Brawly's Gym . . .*

    Kenta: Dude, what's with these lights? Alright, someone needs to call the electrician, because this gym's darker than a pig's butt after sitting in the mud all night.

    Mysterious Voice: y not justsay 'blak cat in a col mine'?????

    Kenta: Because it's not funny enough, Mary-Sue.

    Mary-Sue: i dint say anytin

    Kenta: You mean there's ANOTHER one? How many people with bad-grammar dialect are there??

    Mysterious Voice: im a randem guy but sinc u cant c me im mysteryus voice

    Kenta: I guess everyone of little or no importance is automatically entitled "random guy." This can't be Brawly. Still, I have an actual name, so I may as well gloat! Ahem . . . HAH, sucks to be you guys! *Sticks tongue out*

    Mysterious Voice: w/e the lite bulbs r broken and th repare peeps rnt commin

    Kenta: Where are they? Getting tipsy off of Spoink Muffins?

    Mysterious Voice: yes as a mater of fact they r

    Kenta: So how are we supposed to find Brawly in this gym? Do we just fumble around in the dark until someone grabs hold of his head?

    Mary-Sue: no u ned hm flash n teech it to ur pokmon

    Mystery Voice: ya wat marysu sed

    Kenta: How'd you know her name was Mary-Sue?

    Mystery Voice: i dont no go get flash

    Kenta: . . . I'm gonna start keeping a tally for every weird or stupid thing that I encounter. Whatever poor basterd scores the tenth one is going to get a boot kicked straight up his-

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Yeah . . . I entered Dewford Tunnel with the expectation that the Poke'Mon here would be slightly tougher than average. You know. Due to the hard rock surroundings and all. But I must say, I'm kind of disappointed.

    *Scene shifts to a bunch of Zubat and Makuhita, strewn out all over the cave floor*

    Kenta: Ah, well . . . return Ralts, good show! Man, you're so gonna evolve, and then you're gonna kick EVERYONE'S asses!

    Mary-Sue: lok thers the hiker who givs out flash hms

    Kenta: He's in that direction? Oh, alright, let me just climb over this boulder that's in the way.

    Boulder: Ah-hem . . . I'M THE HIKER!

    Kenta: Oh! Oh. Well. This is rather awkward.

    Hiker: Well get your right foot off my chest and your left hand out of my mouth, and maybe it will be a little less awkward. I mean, it'll still be a traumatizing experience that will haunt both of us for the rest of our lives, but you get what I'm saying.

    Mary-Sue: so can we have hm5

    Hiker: Sure! I love giving out free stuff that I'll never be remembered for! Maybe that's why I'm so poor. Here you go!

    Kenta: Wow, thanks dude! Let me shake your hand, so as to subtly wipe your spit off my fingers!

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Alright, I know what it means to flash someone, but I'm unfamiliar with how the move itself works . . .

    Mary-Sue: just us flash wid a pokmon ill us it on espon

    Kenta: Wait, you pull out the cd and you jam it into the Poke'Mon's head?

    Mary-Sue: bingo *Thrusts HM05 into Espeon's ear*

    Kenta: GAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!

    Espeon: Esp? *Flash*

    Kenta: Argh! The light! It burns! . . . hopefully, Brawly will react the same way, and I'll be able to win the gym match while his eyes are all screwed up. Now, where was I walking?

    Mary-Sue: kenta the gims not that wa ur gointo fal into the wa-

    Kenta: *Sploooooosh!*

    *End Flashback*

    So anyway, I fell into the sea after being dazzled by the intense shock of light emitted from Espeon's little Hindu forehead jewel. I remember emerging with a Magikarp halfway down my throat, and everything else is kind of a blur up to now. Whatever, screw the past, I'm about to face Brawly for my second badge. Badge 2, here I come! Wait, I said that last time, didn't I? You know what, don't trust anything I say anymore; I hardly do myself.

    -Kenta
    Last edited by Kenta147; 18th February 2007 at 12:45 AM.

  3. #3
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    *** Chapter 3: “The Voice” ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Seymour Teats?), and I've decided today that Mary-Sue is an alien. Or an ubermensch. Whatever the hell she is, this isn't your typical little ankle-biter in third grade. Ohhhhh no, she's a lot worse than that. I guess this is stating the obvious, considering she has a @#$%ing SUICUNE in her artillery, but let's just go over the rest of the day's events.

    *Flashback (Brawly's Gym)*

    Kenta: I've just thought of something.

    Mary-Sue: wat

    Kenta: I don't think the lights ever worked to begin with. The keepers of this gym are just a bunch of cheapass tightwads who live like college kids. This place isn't very sanitary at all.

    Brawly: What makes you say that?

    Kenta: *CRUNCH* . . . well, to start with, whatever I just stepped on was very large, and is still wriggling under my shoe.

    Mary-Sue: hey ur braly

    Brawly: Actually, my name's Brawly. It shouldn't be that hard to mistake for something else, considering probably nobody else on earth is named the same.

    Mary-Sue: wat abot bradly

    Brawly: I feel for whatever poor sucker has to live with a name like that. You know, little girl, you sound JUST like one of my underlings.

    Kenta: YES! I'm not crazy!

    Brawly: Hey, love to chat about that, but I've got a battle to lose.

    Kenta: Huh? Why do you think you're going to lose?

    Brawly: Well, no matter how much I train my Poke'Mon, they just don't seem to level up. It's as though some evil, outside god-force is preventing me from ever getting any better.

    Kenta: Aw, that's too bad, sorry to hear about that. (Sweet!! I'm gonna pulverize this bum all the way back to his mother's house!)

    *End flashback*

    So the battle began, and I valiently used whatever Poke'Mon was closest to Brawly's level, careful not to take advantage of his predicament in any way.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: ALRIGHT KIRLIA, WRING THAT MACHOP'S BRAIN LIKE A SPONGE! PSYCHIC ATTACK, FULL POWER!!

    *End flashback*

    Oh, and Ralts had evolved.

    *Flashback*

    Brawly: Oh no! My fighting-type Poke'Mon! My manliness is in shambles . . .

    Kenta: Haaaaa-ha! You got beaten by a ballerina!

    Brawly: That hurts, man. Maybe I'll just "accidentally" swallow your badge-

    Kenta: NO! No! I'm sorry! You're a strong trainer, now gimme my badge, dammit!

    Brawly: Here you are. By the way, now that you've beaten the crap out of me, I thought we could discuss The Voice.

    Kenta: "The Voice"?

    Mary-Sue: wats teh voic

    Brawly: It's . . . well, it's kind of what you just did. Failing to capitalize the first letter in your sentence, misspelling a majority of your words, and not using any grammar at all.

    Kenta: Wait, if we're standing here in a three-person circle just chatting with each other, how can there be any grammar involved?

    Mary-Sue: well how did u no ther was a skript ketna

    Kenta: For once, you've made a valid point.

    Brawly: Anyway, just like with your little sister here, I've had a lot of Random Guys in town suddenly start speaking in The Voice, and I must say, it's both odd and it's pissing me off.

    Kenta: (Sister?) Yep, it has the power to do that. Every time I see it, I just feel myself twitch, and I wanna rip somebody's eye sockets out.

    Brawly: True, but the WORST part-

    Mary-Sue: hey braly i batl u now

    *Five minutes later*

    Brawly: . . . is that they've got insane Poke'Mon skills from nowhere.

    *Scene switches to Brawly's Hariyama lying on the floor, with swirls in his eyes and a puddle of drool forming around his head*

    Kenta: (0_0) That was the quickest battle I've ever seen. One Thundershock from her Raichu just about killed him. Mary-Sue, where'd you get to be so good at this?

    Mary-Sue: i traned hrd

    Kenta: I've never seen you train even once . . . I trained hard! All those Poke'Mon back in Rustboro Woods must STILL be unconscious!

    *Scene shifts to Rustboro Forest, where a guy in a janitor outfit is sweeping fainted bug Poke'Mon off the path with a broom*

    Brawly: The point is, it's annoying to have these guys around, because they always win fights!! And when they face against each other, they always argue about who really beat who, even when both of their Poke'Mon are already out cold on the ground! You wouldn't believe some of the stuff they say- "My Poke'Mon dodged the attack." "No it didn't, attack hit anyway!" "Well your Poke'Mon got hit by my Poke'Mon's attack!" "But your Poke'Mon is already dead!" "No, your Poke'Mon is deader!"

    Kenta: "Deader"?

    Brawly: Well, actually, they pronounced it "dedr." See, I can't speak in The Voice.

    Mary-Sue: lets go ketna

    Kenta: Stop mispronouncing my name! And you haven't even gotten your badge yet!

    Mary-Sue: o ya

    Brawly: They're all like that . . . deemed legendary, yet dumb as rocks. They can win extreme battles with Beautifly, but somehow they don't know how to spell "to."

    Kenta: Oh, so that's why they always substitute it with "2"!

    Brawly: Exactly. Anyway, the same god-force that controls my Poke'Mon's frozen growth forbids me from leaving the gym, even to attend my best friend's wedding, so do me a favor, will you?

    Kenta: Sure, as long as it's no more strenuous than chewing a cookie, I'll be happy to help you with whatever you want.

    Brawly: In that case . . . this may seem too tough for you, but could you keep an eye out for me on the number of other people who've been affected by The Voice? Common symptoms of those taken by it . . . include overly-powerful Poke'Mon in their possession (which are usually also either very rare or very popular,) bad grammar and punctuation, a history of being raised without parents, an I.Q. supposedly above 130, but actually below 70, possession of a cloak or a cape, the need to save other people, and other people suddenly needing saved right about then, manipulation of reality, important people who are assoc-

    Kenta: All right, all right, take a breath before you pass out!

    Brawly: I'm just barely scratching the surface. But anyway, give me a call if you see more of that.

    Kenta: Will do. (Screw that! I haven't touched my phone for sixteen years, and I'm sure as hell not breaking that streak today! Same goes for the mailbox!)

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Ever notice how fast five-minute intervals go by whenever we're going from one place of significance to the next?

    Mary-Sue: not reely lok thers mr briteny

    Kenta: What, so your name really is Britany?? HAH-hahahaha! That’s a girl’s name!

    Britany: You don’t look much of a man yourself, sonny! At least I shave.

    Kenta: Not for the last thirty years, by the looks of it. And I’m counting your nose hair for that, too.

    Britany: Whippersnapper . . . *Cracks back*

    Kenta: Anyway, where the hell were you back when we needed you? Don't tell me you were getting a rush off of Spoink Muffins, too!

    Britany: Well, I was planning on having those for dessert after cooking my Wi- I mean, roast chicken dinner. But first I had to rescue it from Team Magma. Er, that is to say, my Wingull, Peeko.

    Kenta: . . . “Peeko”?

    Britany: Yeah, I decided on her name after she peed on my Treecko.

    Mary-Sue: dat maks sens

    Kenta: For once, it actually does. In a very disturbing way.

    Britany: Anyway, you kids want a ride on my boat? Now that I have Peeko back, I was just headed to Slateport City to buy some spice from their market. Or maybe some buffalo sauce; that always goes good with wings.

    Kenta: You're a bad, bad owner . . . I call shotgun!

    *End flashback*

    Even now as I write this, we're on Mr. Britany's boat, bound east for Slateport beach. It's sort of hard to get down a proper entry in this journal, because I have to keep grabbing the steering wheel. What for, you ask? That idiot sailor keeps running back to Peeko's cage to try and feed her a little more. You know. To fatten her up for the . . . winter. I'd better just say that, since Mary-Sue might sneak a peek in here. Anyway, I'd better wrap up, he's looking over his shoulder at the cage ag-

  4. #4
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    *** Chapter 4: Ten Proteins For Your Soul ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Ozzie Osborne?), and I'm keeping busy looking out for all those "The Voice" kids. They're pretty easy to recognize if you look for them, because like Brawly said, they all wear cloaks or really unusual clothing. Oh, by the way, this entry is a confirmation that we did not, in fact, wreck and drown. I mean, we almost did, but in sand, not water. If you don't understand what I mean, I'll explain; Mr. Britany once again let go of the wheel to fatten up his dinner, and I had to take it. But by that point in time, we were headed straight for the beach, and despite my warnings/screams of terror, Britany wasn't listening. So after nearly crushing two little kids in inner tubes, we crashed up onto the beach, and I went flying straight out of the boat and into the sand. I spent the next ten minutes trying to pull myself out of the sand hole I'd gotten stuck halfway down, and during that time, a little kid started smacking me on the butt with his plastic shovel. You know how Winnie-the-Pooh once got stuck in Rabbit's door-hole after eating too much honey? It felt like that, minus the brat with the sand shovel.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: *Pop!* GAH! Finally! Now where'd that little punk go?! I'm gonna strangle him!

    Mary-Sue: lol ketna u got stuk

    Kenta: Thank you, Captain Obvious. How come you didn't get pummelled into the ground?

    Mary-Sue: i jumpd off b 4 we crashd

    Kenta: Aw, no! There's no way you could have done that so easily without getting so much as a-! . . . urgh, never mind. Where's that senile old geezer that almost got us killed?

    Britany: *Chasing Peeko* Nooooooo! Peeko! Come back!

    Peeko: *Hopping along across the sand, too fat to fly* Gull, wingull!

    Mary-Sue: her cag brok lol

    Kenta: How come you always say "lol" rather than just laughing? No, don't answer that. Let's just get going.

    Beach kid 1: hey marysu ill batl u

    Beach kid 2: no i want2 battl marysu

    Beach kid 3: no marysu battl me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Kenta: Hey! How come you all want to fight Mary-Sue all of a sudden? . . . and not me?

    Beach kid 4: marysu fite my azuril

    Kenta: And how come you all know her name? Wait, what am I saying? I know why. It's The Voice.

    *Five minutes later*

    Beach kid 373: no marysu ill fite u

    Beach kid 374: hey batl me first marysu

    Kenta: This is insane. I gotta contact Brawly about this right away! . . . right after I get some doughnuts. Hey, Mary-Sue, whichever-numbered beach kid you've disappeared under, I'll meet you later at the Poke'Mon Center! C'mon, Combusken, let's see what's at the market today.

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Fifteen dollars for a hot dog?! Are you people out of your @#$%ing minds?? No wonder you never get any business!

    Energy Guru: Hey kid, come back, I'm selling Protein for $9,800 each!

    Kenta: Highway robbery! Get bent, all of you! I suppose next you'll want me to sell you my soul!

    Satan: *Suddenly appearing* I'll give you ten Proteins for your soul.

    Kenta: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! *Dashes off*

    *Five minutes later, at the Poke'Mon Center*

    Kenta: And then this scary-looking dude with two horns and a pitchfork popped out of nowhere right in front of me, and he told me he'd give me ten Proteins if I sold him my soul, and then-

    Nurse Joy: *Sweatdrop* It was probably just Farmer Ben, hauling his Moomoo Milk into the market.

    Kenta: I don't think so, this guy had fire coming out of his butt . . .

    Nurse Joy: Alright, it was DEFINITELY Farmer Ben. He always stops by the local Mexican food stand along the road before coming here.

    Kenta: Lady, I don't think you understa-

    Two Familiar Voices: hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Kenta: Uh-oh. I'd know that cheesy evil laugh anywhere. They only had to do it once, and it's become firmly lodged in my brain for life.

    Leros: *Kicking the door to the Poke'Mon Center open* all rit peeps this is teem aqwa

    Kaira: ya giv us all ur pokmon

    Kenta: *Skeptical stare* Okay, I'm putting my foot down, right here, right now. *To the Aquas* YOU IDIOTS!

    Kaira: hey lok its tht brat agan

    Kenta: Um . . . you're calling me a brat? I'm taller than you. I think you need to work on your actions before you do them. *Points to crowd of Poke'Mon trainers* Take them for example. You just barged in to a Poke'Mon Center with about twenty trainers here who could gang up on you and kick your asses before you could say "wat".

    Leros: o ya

    Kenta: Yeah! *Turns around* Hey, everyone, give me a hand here, willya?

    *Entire crowd of trainers backs away apprehensively*

    Leros & Kaira: hahahahahahahahahaha theyr al 2 skared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    Kenta: H-hey! *Shakes fist* Cowards! Some "great masters" YOU are! Darn it, looks like this is up to me now . . . hey, where are Combusken and Kirlia? Dammit . . . they'd better have one hell of a good excuse for not being here right now when I need them!

    *Scene shifts to Combusken and Kirlia eating in the back room of the Poke'Mon Center. Combusken's gobbling his food like a pig while Kirlia's daintily eating with ten chews per bite. Eventually, she looks at Combusken in polite disdain, and slaps his paw as he reaches for another big handful*

    Kenta: I have to go with Slakoth and Nincada? Aw gawd, I'm so screwed . . . alright guys, let's try not to lose!

    Nincada: *Scratches at eye*

    Slakoth: Burrr-rrrrrrp!

    Kenta: *Slumping defeatedly* Kill me now.

    Leros: hahahahahahaha go mityena

    Kaira: crawdant get em

    Mary-Sue: go artcuno

    Leros: o no its marysu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Kenta: H-hey! Where did you come from?

    Mary-Sue: u ned help artuno ice beem!!!!!!!!!

    Articuno: Cuuuuuuu! *Ice Beam*

    Satan: *From further away* Man, I'm depressed . . . *Gets stricken by Ice Beam*

    Leros & Kaira: noooooooo we lost ull pay next tim *Fly off into the distance*

    Mary-Sue: ya we did it

    Kenta: Um . . . that's Articuno, isn't it . . .

    Mary-Sue: ya

    Kenta: Know what? I'm just going to save us some time, recall my weak little Poke'Mon, and go cry myself to sleep now.

    Mary-Sue: lok ur pokmon evovled

    Kenta: . . . what? HOLY- !!!!

    *End Flashback*

    Even though my Poke'Mon didn't do a thing in battle, according to the god-control of our world, they gained experience anyway. Enough to evolve, apparently. Actually, I still don't think they were ready . . . but hey, I'm not going to complain about suddenly having a Vigoroth, a Ninjask, and a Shedinja all in one swoop. Mary-Sue apparently wanted to make me feel good, so all weirdness aside, I guess she can be a nice girl. Annoying as hell to be around at times, but still nice. Anyway, my team's about as powerful as it can get at this point in time, so despite all my misfortune, at the end of the day I'm still better off. Hey, I count my blessings . . . my neck's not broken from the ship wreck, my soul's intact and not in the possession of Beezlebub, and Team Aqua doesn't have my hard-earned team of four- er- five. So I'm going to finish up my writing and go to bed now, here at the Poke'Mon Center, and try to ignore all the light that never stops seeping in through the window. I hate there being no night in this world. Poke'Mon G/S/C was way better.

    . . . sheesh, what kind of crack am I smoking?

    -Kenta

  5. #5
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    *** Chapter 5: Can’t Be Arsed ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it’s me again (what, you were expecting Batman?) and today I found someone I actually know. You remember how I was telling you about that guy who likes the “white-haired old geezer” look? His name’s Brendan. Anyway, I ran into him today, and like pretty much everyone else I know . . . that kid is nucking futs.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Urgh . . . aw man, I just had the most awful dream. It was about another evil team out there that was even stupider than Team Rocket and Team Aqua combined. Thank goodness it was only a-

    Nurse Joy: *Over the speakers* Attention, all trainers of the Poke’Mon Center! Please stay away from the Slateport museum for a while. There’s a bunch of thugs lined up out there who are attempting to get in for free. They’re trying to pass themselves off as werewolves or something so that maybe the person at the front desk will get scared and run away. I don’t know. Point is, just be good little kiddies and keep your butts seated until the cops come along and this tiny mess is sorted out.

    Kenta: Well. It could just be a coincidence. Hey, where’s Mary-Sue?

    Nurse Joy: *Barging into Kenta’s rented room without knocking* Isn’t it obvious? Now that I’ve just made the announcement that you shouldn’t go to the museum, of course Mary-Sue’s going to be there. Get with the program, boy!

    Kenta: *Still in his boxers* Do you typically do this?

    Nurse Joy: Just go to the museum that I told everyone to avoid.

    Kenta: But you told me to avoid it.

    Nurse Joy: Yes, but people with The Voice are easily influenced by reverse psychology. The more dire the consequences of their actions, and the more the reason not to do it, the more eager they are to get themselves abducted, mugged, killed, etc. See, unlike normal people, some way or another they’ll always come out of it okay.

    Kenta: But I am a normal person. Standing here in my underpants. And you still haven’t even so much as shut the door.

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: This sucks. You know, Combusken, every day I lose more and more of my sanity. But the worst part is, everyone else is losing it faster. Know what I’m saying?

    Combusken: *British accent* Of course I do, old chappie. *Takes a swig of tea*

    Kenta: Hah-?

    Combusken: Bus! Ken!

    Kenta: Damnright . . . okay, we’re here. Looks like the guy at the fare desk is bound and gagged pretty good. Hehe, we don’t have to pay the fifty-cent fee to get in here! I mean, it’s not like I would anyway . . . if I want to look at artifacts, I’ll just go home and start digging into the back of the freezer.

    Mary-Sue: hi ketna

    Kenta: You know, when you first started following me, you didn’t have that problem. Care explaining to me why we’re in here with all these hooded freaks who could mass-pummel us at any given moment?

    Mary-Sue: ther teem magma and tey want2 stel stuff

    Kenta: Now, these guys may look a little demented, but it’s not fair to judge a book by its-

    Mysterious voice: *From upstairs* We’re Team Magma and we’re here to steal stuff!

    Mary-Sue: c i told u cmon

    Kenta: *Following Mary-Sue up the steps* I’m not even going to question this. I just want to say that if it were me, I wouldn’t steal from a museum that’s got absolutely nothing to take. Oh no, I’d rob McDonald’s. And not for their money, either. I can picture it now . . . “FORK OVER ALL THE MCNUGGETS, BI*CHES!”

    *End flashback*

    You know, looking back, I’m having second thoughts about it. Robbing McDonald’s, I mean. I’m okay with holding the employees at gunpoint and all, rather than just paying five dollars for a twenty-piece Chicken Mcnuggets meal, it’s just . . . I might offend Combusken. Oh, sorry, where was I? Ah, right, we were running up to the second floor of that museum with a whopping TWO rooms. And that’s where I found Brendan. Two Magmas were fighting him, and he was kicking their asses to kingdom come with his Marshtomp. You know, they might have won if they’d taken him on together, but hey, you have to remember . . . these guys are stupid.

    *Flashback*

    Magma 1: Urgh . . . beaten . . .

    Magma 2: Hmph, worthless fool . . . let me handle this!

    Brendan: You want some more? Fine with me. Bring out your Zubat, or Poochyena, or whatever other stuffed animal you’ve got with you.

    Kenta: I like this guy already.

    Magma 2: I’ll show you! I’ll kick your butt with my all-powerful NUMEL!

    *Gasps of horror from all around*

    Brendan: Ooh, pitting a Fire-type against a Water-type. You sure know your stuff.

    Mary-Sue: wats he mean water typs r beter then fir

    Kenta: *Sigh* YES, Mary-Sue, but Brendan’s using a little something we normal people like to refer to as sarcasm. As dangerous as it is to use in this world anymore, it’s still good for craps and giggles now and again.

    Magma 2: Ugh . . . this kid’s tough . . .

    Kenta: No he’s not. You’re just a crappy trainer.

    Magma 2: Gee, that makes me feel LOADS better.

    Kenta: Always glad to be of help.

    Maxie: *Appearing at the steps* What the @#$% is TAKING so long? I come all the way up here, and you two simpletons are being held up by a mere child?

    Brendan: These Devon Goods are for Captain Stern! You can’t have ‘em!

    Kenta: And for the record, there are three “mere childs” here!

    Brendan: (That’s “mere children,” *******.)

    Kenta: (Tsk . . . and here I thought you were cool.)

    Maxie: AHEM . . . can we please get the attention back to me?

    Mary-Sue: o no its maxy

    Maxie: (Well, I suppose beggars can’t be choosers . . .) Yes, I am Maxie of Team Magma. And for reasons I can’t remember at the moment, I want those Devon Goods that the boy with the ‘white-haired old geezer’ style is holding.

    Kenta: I love being right!

    Brendan: Aw, c’mon, I just had two battles and I’m tired already! Can’t you ease off just a little?

    Maxie: Werrrllllll . . . I COULD just kick your asses now and snake the goods from you, but I just can’t be arsed to do it right now. So y’know what, just stay out of our way until you’re strong enough to beat the crap out of my Poke’Mon. Don’t worry, I won’t challenge you to a battle until I’m sure I’ll lose.

    Kenta: Wow . . . I don’t know whether to be grateful or disappointed.

    Brendan: Who cares? Bottom line is, he’s not going to beat us up.

    Kenta: Pfft, it’s not like he could, while Mary-Sue is with us.

    Maxie: True, true . . . well, I’ll just be gathering up my thugs now and going on my merry way, okey-doke?

    Kenta: Alright, seeya dude. I’m so glad we had this little chat . . .

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Well, that was perfectly pointless! What’d we GAIN out of that?

    Mary-Sue: we no dat teem magma is also tring 2 rul the wrld

    Brendan: That’s not what they told me. But whatever, I’m just gonna go head off to Maulville City now and aim to get my third badge. Kenta, you never introduced yourself or anything, and this may sound totally random . . .

    Kenta: Dude, it’s cool. I’m used to it by now.

    Brendan: Oh good, that saves a lot of explanation. Anyway, your Poke’Mon . . . they could use a little more training.

    Kenta: Uh . . . I don’t think there’s a Poke’Mon alive that my team hasn’t killed on sight yet.

    Mary-Sue: wat abot leros and kara

    Kenta: They have The Voice! That’s why they’ve got crazy-powerful Poke’Mon this early on in the adventure. I can’t be blamed for losing to them!

    Brendan: Oh, The Voice? I was wondering about that girl with you. Yeah, Brawly told me about The Voice too, and I’ve been careful to only fight people who don’t have it.

    Kenta: It’s terrible how you’ll still manage to run into idiots anyway.

    Brendan: Yeah, you’re living proof of that. Before you can decipher what that comment means, I just want to tell you quickly . . . buy some Harbor Mail.

    Kenta: Huh? Why?

    Brendan: I’ve got a walkthrough here; I printed it off the Internet. I know, it’s cheating, but otherwise nobody’d ever be able to capture the Regis.

    Kenta: Amen to that.

    Brendan: Yeah . . . anyway, it says we should buy Harbor Mail here, because in the next city some lady will trade us some coin cases for it.

    Kenta: How come we’d need coin cases?

    Brendan: Geez! So we can gamble underage, of course! Where have you been?

    Kenta: But won’t the security guys throw us out of any casino we go to?

    Brendan: You know how earlier, Maxie was saying “I just can’t be arsed”? Get used to hearing that a lot. That’s how things work in this world.

    Kenta: Heh, thanks. Oh, weren’t you saying you had to go about three minutes ago?

    Brendan: Oh yeah, about that . . . I forgot, I need to battle you. I probably should have done that first before telling you y’need to raise your Poke’Mon better.

    Kenta: But what if you’re the one who ends up losing?

    Brendan: Boy, that would suck, wouldn’t it?

    *Five minutes later*

    Mary-Sue: mrshtmp is unabl 2 batl winer is vigeroth

    Brendan: Did you understand a word she just said?

    Kenta: I got “is.” But I think she’s once again stating aloud the obvious. If you’ll notice, my Vigoroth just beat down your last Poke’Mon.

    Brendan: Oh. So it did. Man, I really need to get my rear in gear. Oh well, Wattson’s so easy to beat that it shouldn’t matter anyway. Okay, here, have this Itemfinder. I don’t have any money on me, so this’ll have to do.

    Kenta: But then, shouldn’t you keep it? I mean, seeing as to how you’re poor and all?

    Brendan: Well, the thing is, I found it. So it’s pointless to have one myself, since I’ve got a knack for spotting things already.

    Kenta: You “found” it, eh? (That sneaky little basterd, he definitely stole it.)

    Brendan: Well, I’m off, for real this time. If I stay much longer, Mary-Sue’s going to completely get kicked out of the script, and we can’t have that, can we?

    Mary-Sue: no dont leev me out

    *End flashback*

    And so, there was Brendan’s little contribution for the day. If you’re wondering where all the stuff is that I left out, like introductions and whatnot, just consider the *five minutes later* excuse to be the time which we exchange useless knowledge like our names. Come on, we’ve got a script, we can see who each other is. Well, I’m writing this entry as I’m walking to Maulville City, and Combusken’s leaving a trail of destruction behind us as we’re going. I should probably feel guilty about this, but . . . I don’t. Yeah. Okay, until next entry,

    -Kenta
    Last edited by Kenta147; 18th February 2007 at 12:46 AM.

  6. #6
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    *** Chapter 6: Oh My God! They Killed Wally! ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it’s me again (what, you were expecting Oliver Clothesoff?), and we’ve finally made it to Maulville City. I know so, because that bicycle guy Rhydel gives out free bikes here, and he’s notorious for it. Well, that and the fact that we passed some southern hick (thanks for the idea SBM) while walking down the road, who was fishing with his feet. He greeted us with a friendly, over-enthusiastic “Wel-a-come ter Mawlville Ciddy, ya-awl!”

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Urge to kill . . . rising . . .

    Mary-Sue: wll here we r lets find ridl

    Rhydel: No need, I’m right here! I couldn’t help but notice you kids have some dirty shoes . . . I take it you’ve been walking a long distance?

    Kenta: Actually, we rode a boat about half the way . . . and my shoes aren’t dirty! What is with people judging others by their shoes nowadays??

    Rhydel: Your shoes aren’t dirty, eh? Have you looked at them recently?

    Kenta: Well . . . I did step in dog doo about three days ago. *Checks shoes* Holy chihuahua crap, it’s STILL there?!

    Mary-Sue: ya

    Rhydel: I'm shocked the stench hasn't melted your soles by now . . . here, what you need is one of my bikes.

    Kenta: *Observing mach bike* Let's see here . . . "RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL, RHYDEL" . . . yep, I'm pretty sure this is your bike, all right.

    Mary-Sue: wat abot ths one *Gets on acro bike*

    Rhydel: Also mine! Look at all those decals on it.

    Kenta: Cool . . . well, thanks for the bikes, Mr.-

    Rhydel: *Demonic voice* Where do you think you're going with that, boy? *Suddenly holding a twin-barrel shotgun up to Kenta's face*

    Kenta: *Sweatdrop* Uhhh . . . you mean these aren't free?

    Rhydel: No, a white-haired guy who came through here earlier got the last one before I decided to quit being generous.

    Kenta: Damn that Brendan!

    Rhydel: However, I am holding a contest right now . . . if you can guess the number of decals on my bikes, you get it for free! (^_^) But if you guess wrong . . . *Pokes Kenta in the gut with the shotgun*

    Kenta: Uh- . . . huhuhuh . . . (I'm gonna die . . .)

    Rhydel: *Suddenly cheerful again* Then you get a wonderful consolation prize- a wad of taffy! So, care to try your luck?

    Kenta: Just as soon as you get that gun out of my face.

    Mary-Sue: ill go the nbmer of dcals on ur biks r-

    *End flashback*

    I forget what Mary-Sue's answer was, because I was a little preoccupied with staring down the twin dark barrels of death before me. But that doesn't matter- the end result was still the one we wanted.

    *Flashback (five minutes later . . .)*

    Kenta: Alright Mary-Sue, hop on, we're getting out of this town right now.

    Mary-Sue: but we jst got heer

    Kenta: I know, don't care, I'm putting this mach bike to full use right here and now. We're leaving, and nobody's getting in our-

    Mary-Sue: ketna wach out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    *End flashback*

    It's funny how things work out sometimes. Allow me to elaborate. If you're a crippled kid, even if you get hit head-on by a bicycle going eighty miles per hour, your status doesn't change- you're still a crippled kid.

    *Flashback*

    Wally's Guardian: OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED WALLY! You basterds!

    Kenta: Aw crap, I think I smell a lawsuit in this one . . .

    Wally: *Getting up, brushing himself off* Nah, that's okay, I'm fine.

    Kenta: But we just rammed straight into you at full speed!!

    Wally's Guardian: Aw, he's had worse. I once backed the moving van over him by mistake.

    Kenta: Some guardian you are! (See, Mary-Sue, THIS is why I wanted to leave town! The people here are psychotic!)

    Mary-Sue: but lok ware we r

    Kenta: *Looks up* Huh? Oh! Cool, this is the entrance to Wattson's gym!

    Wally: Yeah, and I'm gonna take him on with my Ralts.

    Kenta: . . . You're going to fight the third gym leader with a Ralts?

    Wally's Guardian: See, Wally, I told you your Poke'Mon suck! Now let's go home!

    Kenta: I have a Kirlia, and even I'm having doubts. You should listen to your completely-non-supportive guardian and-

    Wally: No! I know I can do this! . . . you! *Points at Mary-Sue* I challenge you to a battle! If I win, I prove that I'm man enough to take on Wattson!

    Kenta: Uhhhhmmmmm . . . you do realize, you've just declared war on God, right?

    Wally: What do you mean?

    *Five seconds later*

    Mary-Sue: hey wat hapend 2 minits

    Kenta: Your Espeon only needed five seconds to annihilate his Ralts.

    Wally: N . . . . n-no . . . oh fiddlesticks, I lost . . .

    Wally's Guardian: And you called me a crack-head for telling you y' weren't ready. Well, who's the crack-head now? Who's the crack-head now???

    Kenta: (Hey man, don't listen to that guy. You suck now, but I didn't capture a Ralts myself because it was a weak Poke'Mon. If you ever get her up strong enough, kick that asswipe's butt before you go out to fight anyone else.)

    Wally: (Will do, thanks Kenta.)

    Kenta: (How'd you know my name?)

    Wally: *Points up* (Script.)

    Kenta: (Oh, right, silly me. I wonder why we're still talking in a whisper?)

    Wally's Guardian: I wonder, too. After all, I'm standing right next to you. I can hear every word you're saying.

    Kenta: (@#$%!!)

    Wally's Guardian: That's it, young man, you're coming home this instant! Your mother won't like that you're listening to such language as his! Come, Wally!

    Mary-Sue: by waly now ware wer we

    Kenta: *Watching Wally get dragged away* Uh . . . about to beat Wattson, I guess.

    Wattson: *Opening the gym door.* Wahahahahahahahahaha! Not likely, scamp!

    Mary-Sue: santa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Kenta: Wattson! . . . Hi! . . . Uh, wanna battle?

    *End Flashback*

    Can you believe it only took one Poke'Mon to defeat all of Wattson's team? Because it did. All I had to do was tell Shedinja to use Fury Cutter, and the rest worked itself out quite nicely. Well . . . okay, his last Poke'Mon, Magneton, managed to confuse Shedinja with Supersonic. But when Shedinja punched himself out, his other self, Ninjask, went in and finished the job. I've decided to name them Daisuke and Dark. Anyone who's ever watched DN Angel will know why.

    *Flashback*

    Wattson: Wahahahahahaha! I lost! I'm a loser! Wahahahahahahaha! I want a Budweiser!

    Kenta: Wait, before you get drunk, Mary-Sue wants to battle you.

    Mary-Sue: ya brng out ur best pokmn

    Wattson: Wahahahahahaha! I think I'm having a stroke!

    Kenta: Wait until after the battle to have one.

    Wattson: Wahaha . . . hahahaha . . . seriously . . .

    *End flashback*

    Wattson had to be taken to the hospital halfway through the battle, but he's fine. It doesn't matter what Poke'Mon he would have used. Every single one of Mary-Sue's Poke'Mon I've seen thus far had a disadvantage over his Magneton, and she still crushed him. Oh well, that was sooooooo unexpected, I'm sick of writing, Vigoroth keeps trying to eat my pencil, I'm calling it a night. But tomorrow, we're still leaving this city at first light.

    Until the next entry,
    -Kenta
    Last edited by Kenta147; 18th February 2007 at 12:47 AM.

  7. #7
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    *** Chapter 7: Quit Stalking Us! ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it’s me again (what, you were expecting Osama bin Laden?), and I'm writing with my left hand today. If you want the reason, we'll just break the ice with that.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Well, that's just great . . . what genius decided to put two boulders in the path?!

    Mary-Sue: mayb its on tha not *Points to a slip of paper taped to the rock*

    Kenta: "Since I can't kick your butt at Poke'Mon battling, I'll just have to slow you down while I get ahead in training. Eat my dust, 'Ketna'! -Brendan." What the hell? Just how much trouble did he go through to heave these rocks in the way?!

    *Scene shifts to an earlier time in the morning, with Brendan gasping and puffing to haul the last 200-pound boulder into the road. He suddenly overbalances and accidentally drops it on his foot*

    Kenta: *Emo* Somebody's being a bad sport . . .

    Mary-Sue: thas ok ketna u just hm6 ned rok smah 2 brak rok

    Kenta: Rock Smash? Tsk . . . we never checked around to see if anyone just conveniently happened to be holding it. Oh well, time to display my mad karate skills! Please pay close attention . . . you'll need to if you plan on seeing this.

    Mary-Sue: ur goin2 brak teh rok????????????????????

    Kenta: *Brandishing knuckles* I've got this! Super-Ultra Dragon Fist!!

    *CRACK!*

    Mary-Sue: u ok

    Kenta: *Tears trailing from eyes* . . . I'll be fine . . . as soon as I get a super-ultra sling for my arm . . .

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Mega-Destructive Tiger Kick!!

    *CRACK!*

    Mary-Sue: heres a cruch for ur leg

    Kenta: *Twitching* Th-thanks . . .

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Ultimate-Awesome Head-

    Mary-Sue: wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! y dont we try sqwezing thru roks

    Kenta: Squeezing through them? *Blinks* Well, they are diagonal to each other, I guess that could work.

    *End flashback*

    Not only did it work, but I was able to effortlessly hobble through despite my delicate leg, arm, and crutch. Tsk. Outsmarted by a naive little girl half my age. That'll do wonders of damage to my ego.

    *Flashback*

    Mary-Sue: wow u sur heeld fast

    Kenta: *Limping* No, I haven't healed, a Machop just decided to swipe my crutch and use it as a barbell. If you want to try tugging it back away from him, be my guest.

    Gabby: Did you get that, Ty? "Trainer gets mugged by wild Poke'Mon." Love it! We'll make headlines!

    Kenta: *As cameraman gives the thumbs-up* Gah! Don't stalk us like that!

    Gabby: *To camera* And now the trainer is calling us stalkers! But who's the bigger stalker? Find out tonight at 8, on PKTV!

    Ty: It's you. I'm just the one who's always getting dragged around wherever.

    Kenta: Hey, I feel for you man. But seriously, if you don't get rid of that footage, I'm going to break your camera right now.

    Mary-Sue: blblblblblblblblblblblllllllllll *Makes faces at the camcorder*

    Gabby: I'm afraid that all the film's going to be used, buddy. (Ty! Cut the footage of that girl's ridiculous antics!) However, if you feel you need to redeem yourself, we can have a two-on-two Poke'Mon battle right here and now, for the whole world to see!

    ************************************************** ***************************************

    Later on . . .

    Kid Watching T.V. #1: omg its th chosen one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    *Somewhere else . . .*

    Kid Watching T.V. #2: wtf teh chosn ones on tv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

    *Somewhere else . . .*

    Kid Watching T.V. #3: wowowowowowowowowow r savor has showd at last

    *Somewhere else . . .*

    Kid Watching T.V. #4: omfg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1da chosen on ison th scrn

    *Somewhere else . . .*

    Kid Watching T.V. #5: omg the profesy is comming tru!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !

    ************************************************** ***************************************

    Back in the present . . .

    Kenta: Too late, you missed it, the battle's over.

    *Scene shifts to Kirlia and Suicune standing over a much-battered Whismur and a disassembled Magnemite*

    Mary-Sue: lol tha was 2 ez

    Kenta: It seriously was. Even for me. But Mary-Sue, next time, don't knock the reporters out.

    Mary-Sue: its ok teh sur fdint hit the camra

    Kenta: (How is that possible? No, don't ask questions. Everything is simpler when you don't ask questions.) Alright, well let's be off before the cops get here and decide to haul us to jail for that.

    Mary-Sue: ok lets go thru firy pah

    Kenta: What? Wait, that won't lead us to the next gym in . . . *Checks Poke'Nav* . . . Lavaridge Town.

    Mary-Sue: we just gota do it ok

    Kenta: . . . whatever . . . (I wanted to ride in the cable car . . .)

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Just a five minute walk to get through that hazardous hell-hole? Eh, what am I complaining about? Vigoroth still got a good workout.

    *Scene shifts to Fiery Path, where hoards of fainted Numel, Torkoal, Slugma, Grimer, and Koffing are all laying fainted on the ground, covered in claw marks. One Koffing is still barely conscious and slowly moving away from the others, when a jet of fire erupts from the ground, mixing with his gases and causing him to Selfdestruct*

    Kenta: Hear that? Spontaneous combustion. Someday, that's bound to be my fate.

    Random Guy: Hi there, travelers! I've never met either of you in my life, but for no reason, I'm going to give you this TM43, containing Secret Power! You can make a secret base with it, which really isn't secret at all since everyone can obviously see where you put it!

    Mary-Sue: ya thx

    Kenta: Now these are the kinds of people I like running into!

    Mysterious Voice: hahahahahahahahahaha prepar 4 trobl

    Kenta: Aaaand . . . those are the ones I don't.

    Leros & Kaira: lok its the brat agn

    Kenta: How do you guys keep finding me?

    Kaira: wer heded 2 mt chimney 2 do teem aqwa stuf

    Kenta: Oh! Okay. *Steps aside* Then by all means, don't let me hold you up.

    Leros: not sofast giv us al ur pokmon

    Kenta: Aren't you just a little daunted that Mary-Sue is here right now?

    Kaira: ware

    Kenta: Are you blind? She's right-! *Turns around* Huh? Mary-Sue? . . . M-Mary-Sue? Come on, this isn't funny . . .

    Leros & Kaira: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha ur al alon

    Kenta: *Glint in eye* You know what? I'm tired of relying on a preschooler for protection all the time. I couldn't take you before. *Raises two Poke'Balls* But now, I think it's time you learned what it means to lay the @#$% off!

    *End flashback*

    Against all the warnings, against all logic, against the recommendations of anyone with a brain, I took a stand against the Aquas. I'd tell you how it turned out, but right now, I'm congested with ashes. That's right, volcano ash. I'll tell you how it ended in the next entry, for now, I need a tissue. Dammit, Ninjask/Daisuke is ripping up the last one, I need to stop him-

    -Kenta

  8. #8
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    *** Chapter 8: Assblowing ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it’s me again (what, you were expecting Cap’n Crunch?), and since I left you off on an awful cliffhanger, I guess I may as well finish the whole battle thingy. I brought out Daisuke, and I was going to send out Vigoroth, but his Ball was empty. Oh crap. Well, I threw out Kirlia instead, and had Daisuke start by blinding Mightyena with a Sand Attack. Mightyena blindly tried to Bite back, and missed. Then Crawdaunt attacked Kirlia with Water Gun, and she responded by sending 200 volts of Shock Wave through his brain. Yeah, that’s right, Wattson gave me a little something to remember him by, probably so I’d really just keep my mouth shut about him losing to a little girl. Anyway, Mightyena tackled Daisuke and hit him that time, and Crawdaunt did Kirlia in with an Irongrip attack.

    So in a double switch, Combusken substituted for Kirlia, and Daisuke also showed himself out with a Baton Pass. And who should come prancing in to the picture, but Vigoroth, out of nowhere. I found out later that Mary-Sue had stolen him temporarily to teach him Secret Power, but hey, he nailed Crawdaunt pretty good with that move. Combusken finished the job by Double-Kicking Kaira’s stupid lobster into oblivion, and then Mightyena butted in and chomped Vigoroth on the rear.

    By the way, THIS is why I don’t go over battles. They’re BORING. If you weren’t a book, you’d be snoozing like an old coot on the toilet during a drizzly day.

    *Flashback*

    Kaira: noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Kenta: YES! We got one of them! Alright guys, gang up on the Mightyena now and pound the crap out of him! (Why didn’t I just use all five of my Poke’Mon at once?)

    Mary-Sue: ill sav u ket-

    Kenta: Oh, no you don’t! I can handle it this time. I’m gonna beat these stalkers once and for all, and do it on my own!

    Vigoroth & Combusken: *Looking up from Mightyena* Ah-HEM!

    Kenta: Ah, yeah, and you guys too. *Turns back to the battle, then double-takes at Mary-Sue* Hey! Where have you been, anyway?

    Mary-Sue: makin a scret bas

    Leros: mityena us bit

    Kenta: Um . . . *Points to the battlefield, where Combusken is striking various poses, and Vigoroth is hopping up and down on top of Mightyena’s fallen body*

    Leros: nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Kenta: Hah! . . . whew-! *Pant, pant* . . . we finally . . . beat you. What do you have to say to that, chumps?

    Leros: ill teech u brat go trantar

    Kaira: go gardos

    *Gyarados and Tyranitar appear on the field. Kenta passes out*

    Mary-Sue: ketna u ok??????????? u bullys u wer meen 2 ketna ill tech u get em artuno

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Uhhhh . . . urrrgh . . . where am I? *Looks up at the script* And I’ve only been down for five minutes?

    Old Fart: Huff-puff, you’re at my house, kid! This little girl’s Raichu dragged you here, huff-puff!

    Mary-Sue: ya

    Kenta: Oh. Um . . . thanks. Again. (DAMN IT! Why does this keep happening to me?!) Well, for the sake of changing away from an embarrassing subject, why does it smell so bad in here?

    Old Fart: Huff-puff, good question! And the reason is, I fart a lot. *Brrt!* That’s probably why I’m called the Old Fart, huff-puff. Farting just feels so good . . . so I breathe like this so I’ll fart more often, huff-puff. And to earn a little profit from doing this, I’ve started a profession in glassblowing-

    Kenta: *Holding nose* Don’t you mean assblowing?

    Old Fart: I get that a lot, huff-puff. And if you cheek me like that again- *brrt!* - not only will I fart some more, but I won’t make you a Blue Flute either, huff-puff.

    Mary-Sue: u mak stuf frm ashs

    Old Fart: Yeah, huff-puff, just take these ash sacks and start collecting. If you take 200 steps, I’ll make you a Blue Flute, whatever that means, huff-puff. *Brrt!*

    Kenta: Anything to get out of this place! Let’s GO!

    Old Fart: In case you were wondering why I live alone-

    Kenta: Don’t bother telling me, I already know.

    Mary-Sue: ok so we fil up ahs saks n tak em bak 2 him

    Kenta: You can do it. I’m never going in there again.

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Alright, I haven’t been counting my steps, but I know we ran into a good deal of Poke’Mon back there. Nice workout, Combusken.

    *Scene shifts to the whole of the field, where scattered bodies of Spinda, Skarmory, Sandshrew, and even a few ninja kids that Combusken mistook for Poke’Mon are lying around*

    Mary-Sue: ok i got som ash 2 ill tak ur bag bak in

    Kenta: We are going to shower after this, right? As soon as we get to the next city. And if you’re wondering, not just because of the ash, either.

    *Five minutes later*

    Mary-Sue: her u go ketna

    Kenta: Wow, a Blue Flute AND a Yellow Flute?? Cool! I must have really gotten a lot of ashes! What about-? *Stops and stares at Mary-Sue’s glass item*

    Mary-Sue: ths is 4 scrt bas *Hauling away a Crystal Sofa*

    Kenta: . . . . . . I’ll say this. Nobody had dare better light a match in Old Fart’s house after all the blowing he’s probably been doing. Out of both ends.

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: I swear, these five-minute intervals are getting more and more frequent.

    Mary-Sue: wel her we r fallber tonw

    Kenta: Seems like a tranquil enough neighborhood.

    Professor Cozmo: *Skipping down the street in the direction of Meteor Falls* Wee-hee-hee! I love science! Here I come, my precious meteorite! I feel pretty, oh so pretty . . .

    Kenta: That does it, time to go!

    Mary-Sue: wait lets heel r pokmon at cetner firs

    Kenta: Tsk . . . fine.

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Ten million bottles of beer on the wall, ten million bottles of beer . . .

    Mary-Sue: tn milin??????????????/

    Kenta: Look, if we need to hike up the mountain to get to the next destination, Meteor Falls, we may as well pass the time singing songs that make no sense. If everything else doesn't, why should they?

    Mary-Sue: but tne milin botls of ber wood brak teh wal

    Kenta: Not to mention, they'd get you very drunk. Niiiiiiiiiine-million-nine-hundred-ninety-nine-thousand-nine-hundred-ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, nine-million-nine hundred-ninety-nine-thousand-nine-hundred-ninety-nine bottles of beer . . .

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Twenty-one bottles of beer on the wall, twenty-one bottles of . . . wait a second, how'd I get from ten million to this in five minutes? Aw whatever, we're here.

    Mary-Sue: lok over ther its prof csomo n teem magma

    Kenta: Holy crap! Look at how many of them there are! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

    Mary-Sue: ya lets get em

    Kenta: Exac- *Freezes* What?! Are you @#$%ing insane? I'm thinking we should run for our lives!!

    Mary-Sue: no lets c war ths iss goin

    Kenta: . . . fine, but if they find us and decide to mass-attack us with all of their Poke'Mon . . . wait a minute, what am I saying? What are they going to do, sic their Zubat, Numel, and Poochyena on us? Ooh, so scary!

    Maxie: Professor Cozmo . . . man you have a gay name. But that's not important right now. *Ahem!* We need that meteorite you're studying. For some sort of evil, twisted land-expanding scheme that only makes sense to our scientists involved. I never got past the third grade, so I don't understand these physics-related things, but we're not really here to talk about me. Look, the point is, hand it over or else!

    Cozmo: Or else what? You're going make your little four-pound Poochyena tackle me?

    Maxie: Worse than that. I'll pinch your nose!

    Cozmo: I'm slightly more intimidated now, but I'm still not going to hand this priceless wonder of nature over to you thugs!

    Maxie: Not cooperating, eh? Alright boys, roll up one of his pant legs!

    Cozmo: Hey! Hey! Wait, what are you going to do to me, you fiend??

    Maxie: We're going to pull on your leg hairs, one at a time! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

    Cozmo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I'll cooperate, you win, just take the stupid meteorite and don't hurt me!

    Maxie: I knew you'd see it our way. Okay boys, let's get that Meteorite up to Mt. Chimney pronto! Get around it and lift with your legs, not with your backs, that's the ticket . . .

    Archie: Stop! Team Aqua is taking over this operation!

    Kenta: (Ooh, the plot thickens. Hey, Combusken, pass me the popcorn.)

    Combusken: (Bus-ken.)

    Kenta: (Hey! You already ate the whole bag! Thanks a lot, you gluttonous pig!)

    Maxie: Archie . . . what the hell do YOU want? . . . Besides a tic-tac?

    Archie: A dentist is what you'll want if you keep making puns about my breath. We're here for the meteorite.

    Cozmo: This day keeps getting crappier and crappier.

    Maxie: And what if I don't want to give it to you?

    Archie: Um . . . hello, we've got a whole team of Water-type Poke'Mon ready to demolish your little pack of Fire-type Poke'Mon. Just how stupid are you?

    Maxie: Hey, you never got past the third grade either!

    Archie: Only because you held me back. Now quit stalling and give us the damn meteorite already!

    Mary-Sue: (they rely shudnt b cussin)

    Kenta: (You @#&$%, don't be spouting that @#$%, telling other people how to @#$%ing run their @#$%ing lives! @#$%!)

    Archie: Hah, you were going to carry it on your backs all the way to Mt. Chimney? Well, WE had a little red wagon to put it in instead. Be seeing you, team Magma dingbats!

    Mary-Sue: (wats a dinbat)

    Kenta: (Who cares? Looks like they're wrapping it up down there, let's get out of here before they notice us.)

    *End Flashback*

    There are two ways to approach a situation such as this: the morally correct way, and the smart way. We got the hell out of there as fast as we could, and crashed for the night back in Fallabor Poke'Mon Center. While I've been writing, Professor Cozmo has come back in the door, looking awfully depressed. Judging by his obvious depression, I'm thinking he's going to get to work on those ten million bottles of beer on the wall. He's already had twenty-one.

    Clueless on what to do next,
    -Kenta

  9. #9
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    *** Chapter 9: Anger Problems on Mt. Chimney ***

    Hey, it’s me again (what, you were expecting Hugh Jass?), and things have gotten (if possible) even wierder than usual. Let's start from right off the bat.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Ughhhh . . . another bad sleep . . . *opens eyes* Huh? Mary-Sue?

    Anti-Sue: No, it is I, Anti-Sue, Mary-Sue's rival and alter ego!

    Kenta: Very funn- . . . WHAT?!

    Anti-Sue: Didn't you hear me? Do I sound like Mary-Sue to you?

    Kenta: *Pokes above text* Wow . . . not one spelling error. You really are different! But you look exactly the same as her.

    Anti-Sue: Whatever, where's Mary-Sue?

    Kenta: No, the real question is, what the hell are you doing in my bedroom? And more importantly, since this is the top bunk, how are you suspending yourself in midair like that?

    Anti-Sue: I'm holding onto the edge of your bed really tight. You're the one everyone calls Ketna, correct?

    Kenta: Only Mary-Sue calls me Ketna. And it pisses me off!

    Anti-Sue: Well you need anger management, then . . . look, quit getting off the subject, I asked you where Mary-Sue was!

    Kenta: I don't know! Didn't you bother to check the bottom bunk??

    Anti-Sue: Yes, actually, I did. Unlike those who surround you, I am not an idiot.

    Kenta: I don't know whether to be thankful or scared crapless.

    Anti-Sue: Well if you see Mary-Sue, tell her that Merlin has sent me to take her down!

    Kenta: Merlin? Who's Merlin?

    Anti-Sue: Merlin "The Magi" Durai? The guy who beat Magmar with a Weedle? He's the world's strongest trainer!

    Kenta: He must have The Voice!

    Anti-Sue: Ah, but he doesn't. He's leading a small band of underground fighters in a revolt against The Voice. And my orders are to capture their Chosen One . . . Mary-Sue. Cut off the head, and the body can't live.

    Kenta: You're creepy. Get away from me!

    Anti-Sue: Hey, we're not evil or anything. What's your deal, anyway? You're one of us, too.

    Kenta: I don't wanna be mixed up in it! I want out of here!

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Huh-? Hey, we're on the road . . . Mary-Sue? Is that you?

    Mary-Sue: ya

    Kenta: Uh . . . did you just use the Five Minutes Later to get me out of that awkward situation?

    Mary-Sue: ya

    (Anti-Sue: *Somewhere else in the space-time continuum* Damn it! She used her godmod powers! I knew this would be a tough opponent to deal with!)

    Kenta: Hey, um, Mary-Sue . . . by chance, you're not some grand messiah of your people, are you?

    Mary-Sue: no

    Kenta: Oh, okay, just checking. Because someone named Anti-Sue was asking about you.

    Mary-Sue: o no antisu is ver ybad she wats 2 tak me 2 lab n do expirmints on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    Kenta: What?? What makes you say that? She's only eight years old, just like you!

    Mary-Sue: shes my aler ego and alwys trys 2 fite me

    Kenta: How come I've never seen this happen before?

    Mary-Sue: i dont no lets go on cabl car

    Kenta: *Finally paying attention to his surroundings* Woah! We're at the cable car? . . . Cool! I'm not going to ask any questions, lest it ruin the moment, let's just ride up!

    Brendan: *From inside the cable car* No, no, ask away, because I'm already ruining it for you. Ho-ho-ho and away we go!

    Kenta: *Watching Brendan get hoisted away in the cable car; explodes in rage* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

    Mary-Sue: darn loks lik were goin 2 hav 2 hik it

    Kenta: I'm going to slaughter that kid the next time I get a hold of him . . .

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: I'm getting a blister! Are we almost there?

    Mary-Sue: nto yet

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: It's getting awfully windy up here! And I just got some ashes in my eyes . . .

    Mary-Sue: keep goin

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: F-finally! *Huff, gasp* We . . . made it . . .

    Mary-Sue: uh ketna *Points up*

    Kenta: What? *Notices they only made it up to a small outcrop protruding from the volcano's side; about 1/10 of the way up* D'OH!

    Mary-Sue: *Holds up Articuno's Poke'Ball* thsl spd thigs up

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: We should have done that in the first place. But my butt's cold now! Hey, what's going on up here?

    *End flashback*

    After riding Articuno up to the top of Mt. Chimney, we found Brendan there, along with the scattered bodies of a bunch of Aquas and Magmas. Archie and Maxie were sending the last waves of their troops at each other while Archie's strange meteorite machine was powering-up to do something to the volcano. Needless to say, there was no getting out of this one. And by that, I mean Brendan and Mary-Sue wouldn't let me jump frantically into the cable car and ride for my life back down.

    *Flashback*

    Brendan: Where the @#$% have you BEEN, Kenta?! You're fifteen minutes late!

    Kenta: Well sor-ry! Someone decided to take the trolly up without waiting for us . . .

    Brendan: That was before I knew what was going on up here! Now hurry up and help me defeat this Aqua.

    Kenta: Huh? Why are you getting involved? Both teams are crooks, let them beat each other to death!

    Brendan: Nope, I'm taking the Magmas' side. They're trying to get us more land.

    Kenta: So? What's that got to do with anything?

    Brendan: With all this global warming and the melting of the polar ice caps, what idiot would want to try expanding the water now? Look, it's a lesser of two evils, now get your butt over here and help me already!

    Mary-Sue: but u alredy beet him now

    Brendan: What-? *Looks at the fainted Aqua* Oh yeah. I did. Okay, well, who's next?

    Kenta: Um . . . only Archie and Maxie are left now.

    *Brendan and Kenta look at each other*

    Brendan/Kenta: You get Maxie, I'll get Archie.
    Brendan/Kenta: You get Archie, I'll get Maxie!
    Brendan/Kenta: You get Marchy, I'll get Axey!

    Brendan: Screw this, I'm just going after Archie!

    Kenta: Fine, I'll fight Maxie!

    Brendan: Fine!

    Kenta: FINE!

    Mary-Sue: w/e hury up alredy

    Kenta: What's the hurry?

    Mary-Sue: leros n kira r climig up lege of mt chimny 2 get us

    Kenta: Why? Oh, they must have missed the cable car. (Man, we got ahead of them fast.) Meh, let's just get this done.

    Maxie: So . . . it's you again. What have you got against me, boy?

    Kenta: Uh . . . *sweatdrop* you know what, I really don't know. It's the Aquas I'm mad at. But for whatever reason, I'm supposed to fight you.

    Maxie: Well, I am a criminal overlord . . . say, do you recall what I said a couple days ago, back when I was trying to rob the white-haired-old-geezer kid of his junk?

    Kenta: You mean about how you wouldn't fight me until you were sure you'd lose?

    Maxie: Yeah, that. Well, I'm feeling pretty wimpy right about now, so let's have at it!

    Kenta: Wait! I have a better idea.

    Maxie: What is it?

    Kenta: *Rushing forward, giving Maxie a shove* It's so much easier to just push you over the ledge!

    Maxie: Gaaahhhhhhh! *Tumbles over*

    Leros: whew almos ther

    Kaira: hey wats tha- *Maxie bangs into them, causing all three to roll the rest of the way down the side of Mt. Chimney* aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

    Kenta: *Brushing hands off* Now that's what I call getting the job done!

    Archie: *From the other side* No! My machine! What are you doing to my machine??

    Brendan: *After removing the meteorite* What do you think, numbnuts? I'm doing what Kenta just did, only I'm using this ledge! *Kicks weird machine into the lava at the volcano's center*

    Kenta: Thanks for stealing my idea, fat-head!

    Brendan: Your head's just as fat!

    Archie: Hey. Hey! Will you two fatheads knock it off long enough for me to mourn over the loss of my mechanical contraption?

    Brendan: Fine, mourn away. Well Kenta, Mary-Sue, I'm off to Fallarbor Town now. *Waves meteorite in his hand* I'm gonna collect my reward from Professor Cozmo.

    Kenta: Hey, wasn't that a huge rock the last time we saw it?

    Brendan: Hmm . . . was it? I guess the ******* who's writing this story must not have been paying attention.

    Kenta: Oh god, I hope he didn't name me after himself . . .

    Brendan: Yep, that would sure blow. Well, 'later dude, dudette. *Takes the cable car down*

    Mary-Sue: ok lets tak jaged pas down 2 lavarig twn

    Kenta: It's just down that pass? Cool! What a convenience, I'm glad we didn't head all the way through Meteor Falls only to wind up getting lost.

    *End flashback*

    There's a reason that place is called Jagged Pass, y'know. In other words, I'm not sitting down as I write this at the Lavaridge Poke'Mon Center. Tomorrow I'm going to do the relaxation stuff in this town until my poor, tender butt feels better. If only I hadn't slipped and fallen . . . but Mary-Sue just HAD to be in her usual hurry.

    Badge 4, here I come! . . . I hope!
    -Kenta

  10. #10
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    *** Chapter 10: Relaxation ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it’s me again (what, you were expecting Benedict Arnold?), and today's been a pain in the butt. Just like yesterday's fall in Jagged Pass. You know how everyone likes a good relaxation spa? Well, that's under the assumption it's good.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Ohhhh . . . my back hurts. Probably from all that climbing I did yesterday. Maybe I oughta visit the hot spring and melt off some tension. *Goofy grin* And there'll probably be girls there . . . normal, pretty, not-eight-years-old girls . . . *Nosebleed*

    Combusken: *Translation* What was that all about?

    Kirlia: *Translation* I just read his mind. He's having some sort of erotic fantasy. *Sigh* Men . . .

    Mary-Sue: hey ketna wan 2 chek out teh sand beds

    Kenta: Right after I use the hot springs. And even though my shoes are filthy and my gi and pants are all sweaty, I'm going to walk in fully clothed. I'm so S-M-R-T!

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Ahh . . . so warm. I'm going to catch ptnemonia as soon as I get out . . .

    Old Lady 1: Hey, you charming young man . . . want me to scrub your back?

    Kenta: *Gack-!*

    Old Lady 2: Oh, how I love the young people! Undo his ponytail, and I'll brush his hair!

    Kenta: (Oh no . . . two old ladies are hitting on me! I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!)

    *End Flashback*

    You think that's bad? Wait until you hear what happened when I tried the sand beds.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: That was the scariest experience of my life! I really need to relax now!

    Combusken: *Translation* I couldn't get into the water, so I didn't see . . . how'd it go for him?

    Kirlia: *Translation* Well, the pervert got his wish. He sure met some girls, all right.

    Mary-Sue: hey ketna th san beds r soooooooo nic u shod try it

    Old Geezer: Yeah! All of the tension just fades away!

    Kenta: Alright, I'll give it a shot. (What could possibly go wrong?)

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Ow! A Poke'Mon just nipped my backside!

    Old Geezer: Yeah, that happened to me just the other day. Thankfully it was just a Sandshrew.

    Kenta: *Tears streaming from eyes* This doesn't feel like any Sandshrew jaw grip . . . YOW!

    Old Geezer: Woah! I've never seen a human jump so high.

    Mary-Sue: Woa a trapnch

    Kenta: GEEEET IIIIIT OOOOOFFFFFFF! Get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off-

    *End Flashback*

    Well, I ran around for about twenty minutes, with that little ant lion holding a death grip on my butt. Did Mary-Sue get bitten by anything? Oh no, she was just peachy! When Combusken, Vigoroth, Kirlia, Dark and Daisuke couldn't pull the Trapinch off, I ended up using the only other method I knew . . .

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: I'm never opening this Ball again.

    Mary-Sue: u cached it?????????/

    Kenta: Yes, I "catched" it. And if you ever let him out- *Demonic face* all Hell will break loose.

    Old woman: Oh, you poor young boy! I saw what happened. Here, have a Lava Cookie.

    Kenta: It’s not really made of lava is it?

    Old woman: *Handing Kenta a cookie* Heavens no! Lava is molten rock.

    *Crunch!*

    Old woman: That’s just what the lava hardened into.

    Kenta: Fanks. Shumbody gaver up ma teef sho dat da doctuh can gwlue dehm back in.

    Old woman: If you want to, you can borrow my dentures! I've got a spare set at home.

    Kenta/Mary-Sue/Combusken: *Shudder*

    *Five minutes later*

    Mary-Sue: u sur ur don relaxng

    Kenta: Let me ponder that for a minute . . . hmmmmmm . . . YES!!

    Mary-Sue: well her we r flanerys gim

    Kenta: Good . . . hey, Flannery, get out here!

    Flannery: *Muffled voice from inside the gym* No can-do, you've gotta make it to me!

    Kenta: What?! Come on! Haven't I suffered enough?

    Flannery: Look, I'm a sucky gym leader, so I'm kinda scared to battle anyone . . . why do you think it's so hard to get to me?

    Kenta: You pansy . . .

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: F . . . finally . . .

    Flannery: *Shocked* No way! How did you reach my room so fast?! I've got about ten bodyguards hidden all around the gym in the sand!

    Kenta: Yep. *Tosses a Poke'Ball to himself* And right now, they're all getting butt-stitches. I've decided this guy would come in handy after all.

    Mary-Sue: but ketna u sed tht all h-e-dobl-hocky-stiks wood brak los if trapnc got let out

    Kenta: Well, this town IS Hell! Or at least, it's hot as hell in here.

    Satan: *Suddenly appearing* Whew! You're right about that. Hey, kid, I'm still on for the whole ten proteins for your soul deal, y'know . . .

    Kenta: Ha-? . . . go away, Satan . . .

    Satan: Your loss. *Vanishes in a burst of fire*

    Kenta: Anyway, now that I've finally reached you, let's battle already!

    Flannery: Geez, what's your rush? You need to relax more.

    Kenta: I . . . never . . . EVER . . . want . . . to . . . relax . . . again . . . *eye twitches*

    *End Flashback*

    So, I fought Flannery, and all she had were two Slugmas and a Torkoal. During the match, Kirlia evolved into Gardevoir, and from there Flannery got wasted. Easy win.

    *Flashback*

    Flannery: No! My Torkoal!

    Kenta: Wow. Note to self: don't ever get on Gardevoir's bad side.

    Mary-Sue: woa jst 1 pokmon got her

    Kenta: What're you getting all worked up about, Mary-Sue? You always dominate gym matches with just one Poke'Mon.

    Flannery: Aren't you even the slightest bit relieved that you won? I get the feeling you weren't very worried when you fought me.

    Kenta: Well, you COULD have used slightly more challenging Poke'Mon than Slugma and Torkoal . . .

    Flannery: I do, but that's for second-round matches.

    Kenta: Alright Mary-Sue, that's your cue. I'm going to turn around and pick my nose now, and when I turn back, it oughta be over.

    Mary-Sue: ew gros

    *End flashback*

    Disturbing as that comment was, it was nevertheless quite accurate. Mary-Sue had Suicune come out, and that was all it took to win the match. I didn't even pay attention, I knew how it was going to turn out. What I'm wondering (even though I know I shouldn't) is how she does it. The Voice is one @#$%ed-up concept. Meh, thinking's for smart people, I'm gonna wrap up now. Until the next entry,

    -Kenta

  11. #11
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    *** Chapter 11: Random Kids With The Voice ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Big Bird?) and today I'm off to face my past. No, I'm not going to be digging up my time capsule that's full of ten-year old drawings of Pikachu being stabbed through the skull by a lance (boy, was I ever a violent kid.) Instead, I'm going to face the first Gym Leader I ever fought, in a rematch. Ehehehehe . . . I kinda lost to him the first time we fought.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: *Singing* I know a song that get's on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, every-

    Mary-Sue: stop it ketna ur bein anoyig

    Kenta: Sorry, but I'm feeling a bit apprehensive. After all, we didn't take the shortcut through Wally's hometown and through that ten-foot-long cave just to buy Krispy-Kreme doughnuts at Rustboro's local gas station . . .

    Mary-Sue: we wernt??????????/?

    Kenta: NO! Why would they even have a Co-Go's? Cars don't exist in this world!

    Mary-Sue: o darn

    Kenta: *Sigh* We have to go all the way back to Petalburg City because I lost to Norman there. Frankly, I don't even know why such a tough gym leader is the FIRST ONE along the road. Maybe they just do it to piss you off.

    Mary-Sue: mabye

    Kenta: Alright . . . now, I don't know if this is allowed, but I'm going to have a flashback within a flashback. Mary-Sue, if the world suddenly explodes because of this, I blame you.

    Mary-Sue: w/e

    Kenta: Okay, here I go . . .

    *Flashback within a flashback*



    *End flashback within a flashback*

    Mary-Sue: did it wokr

    Kenta: Didn't you just see that dimensional vortex that nearly swallowed us both up?! No, it did not work! We're lucky the universe didn't collapse in upon itself. *Sigh* Looks like I'll just have to do it this way. Alright, it was back when I was only sixteen years old . . .

    Mary-Sue: ur 16 now

    Kenta: So? Anyway, back when I was sixteen and about a week younger than I am right now, I fought Norman in a gym battle, two-on-two style. He threw out his Vigoroth and a Slaking, and I sent Torchic and Ralts on him.

    Mary-Sue: wat hapned

    Kenta: Well . . . let's see if this'll work.

    *Scene shifts back seven days ago, with Vigoroth having Ralts in a headlock, and Slaking loafing around on top of a struggling Torchic. The swirlies are obvious in both Poke'Mons' eyes*

    Kenta: Ahhhhh . . . not a scene I care to recall. But there you go; we got beaten to a pulp.

    Mary-Sue: wow u thik ur up 2 it

    Kenta: I don't know. *Envisions Norman's Vigoroth having Gardevoir in a headlock, and Slaking loafing around on top of a struggling Combusken* Oog, I don't feel so good.

    *End Flashback*

    So we headed south from Rustboro through Petalburg Forest, where upon catching sight of us, every Poke'Mon in the vicinity fell over themselves trying to get away in a mad dash. As you might imagine, not a whole lot went on with that. However, when I saw that pile of dog doo again, I immediately had Combusken incinerate it on the spot. THAT's showing 'em what for! We passed the exit sign out of the forest, and just before heading east to Petalburg City, we made a brief stop at Mr. Britany's house.

    *Flashback*

    Mary-Sue: wats al tht nois??????????????

    Kenta: It's coming from Mr. Britany's ramshackled little hut! Let's check it out.

    *Sounds of pots and pans banging around can be heard inside. Kenta and Mary-Sue crack open the door and peek in*

    Mary-Sue: omg

    Kenta: What the hell??

    Mr. Britany: *Chasing Wingull* Come back here, Peeko! I've prepared . . . a nice . . . hot . . . bath . . . for . . . you!

    Peeko: *Squawking desperately, zooming around the kitchen* Wingull! Wingull!

    Kenta: *Shutting the door* C'mon. It's better we don't get involved.

    Mary-Sue: but wat if he cachs peko

    Kenta: He won't. Britany will probably trip over something eventually and break his leg.

    *BOOM! "Ow! @#$%!!" *

    Kenta: Feeling better yet?

    Mary-Sue: not realy

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Well, here we are! Petalburg City! Badge 5, here I come!

    Random Kid: hey u i chalng u 2 a batl

    Kenta: Huh? Oh, someone wants your attention, Mary-Sue.

    Random Kid: no i chaleng u!!!! i no abot marysu alredy

    Mary-Sue: u shod fite him ketna b4 ur jim batl

    Kenta: (How'd he know who Mary-Sue was? No, don't ask questions.) Alright, I don't know who you are, or why you just randomly decided to challenge me . . . well, wait, if you're a random kid, it's only natural you'd do stuff randomly.

    Random Kid: hury up go zigzoon *Tosses out a Zigzagoon*

    Kenta: . . . are you serious? That thing's maybe level 3. This isn't even worth it.

    Random Kid: hury up

    Kenta: Alright, fine! I'll humor you. Daisuke, go get that Zigzagoon with Fury Swipes, and try not to kill it by accident.

    Random Kid: doge it n us body slm

    *Zigzagoon darts out of the way as the Ninjask shoots at it at 150-some mph. Then in the blink of an eye, it slams Daisuke to the ground*

    Random Kid: yawn borning

    Kenta: *Blinks* . . . . no @#$%ing way. That's not fair!

    Random Kid: sedn out ur nex pokmon

    Kenta: You've got The Voice! That's how you're doing it . . . you're cheating!

    Random Kid: hury up

    Mary-Sue: cmon ketna u can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    Kenta: (Little basterd . . . I'm gonna rip his face off . . .) Combusken, it's all you! Double Kick! Mae geiri chudan, miwosho geiri jodan!

    Mary-Sue: wtf

    Kenta: (It's Japanese.)

    Random Kid: doge n us mega pucnh

    *Zigzagoon jumps over Combusken's first kick, but then the second kick comes down and plows its face into the ground*

    Kenta: YES! If we can get around this stupid "dodge" thing, we'll get him just like we got the Aquas!

    Random Kid: rrrrrr zigoon us hiper beem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    *Zigzagoon straightens up, looking completely replenished, then fires a Hyper Beam attack at Combusken that sends him flying all the way back into Rustboro Forest*

    Random Kid: lol tht was ez

    Kenta: . . . . . no . . . . not after all that training we did . . . not after all the crap I've gone through . . . I will NOT lose to you!

    Random Kid: lol u r god traner but im beter *Zigzagoon growls at Kenta*

    Kenta: *Getting an idea* Heh . . . you'd like to think that, wouldn't you? But there's one thing you overlooked.

    Random Kid: o ya

    Kenta: Dark! Finish the job! *Sends out Shedinja*

    Random Kid: lol shednja oly has 1 hp ur gon donw

    Kenta: Oh, I beg to differ. A Poke'Mon can only have a maximum of four moves, and you just gave Body Slam, Mega Punch, Hyper Beam, and Growl. You let that last one slip when you allowed Zigzagoon to growl at me.

    Random Kid: so wat zigzoon hiper beem

    Kenta: That's not going to work. *Hyper Beam shoots straight through Shedinja and blasts Kenta instead*

    *End Flashback*

    I woke up later in the Petalburg hospital to find out that I'd won the match. The kid, as utterly unbeatable as his Zigzagoon was, couldn't think up any moves other than Normal-type ones to use. I mean, don't get me wrong, he tried hitting Shedinja with everything from Tackle to Double-Edge, but due to both Shedinja being a Ghost-type and the effects of Wonder Guard, nothing he did worked. Mary-Sue told me she'd taken over for me while two medics ran me to the hospital on a stretcher (where'd they come from, I wonder?), but technically, since it was my Poke'Mon, it was my win. The Random Kid was in total denial of losing, and kept screaming that even though Zigzagoon was his only Poke'Mon, he was the real winner since he took down two of mine whereas I only took down his one. People these days . . .

    *Flashback*

    Mary-Sue: how r u feelin ketna

    Kenta: *In the hospital bed, covered in wraps* Well . . . I can't feel my legs, I can't feel my arms, and I can't feel my face. I guess that's a good thing, because it'd probably hurt like hell if I could.

    Brendan: *Banging in through the door to Kenta's room* Hey, Kenta! I had a bunch of people hired to take you down as soon as you set foot in Norman's gym, but as it turns out, they thought I was you instead . . . (I knew I should've met with them in person beforehand . . .) Whatever, point is, you would have ended up looking like that anyway.

    Kenta: Aww, thanks asswipe. Would you be so kind as to stand there for a couple seconds longer so that I can reach this flowerpot and chuck it at your head?

    Brendan: Tidings of love and joy to you, too. Oh, by the way, I beat Norman and now have my fifth badge, so I've pulled ahead of ya, dude. But don't worry, I didn't just come here to laugh at your injuries and thumb my nose at you . . .

    Kenta: (Ah, he's so thoughtful. I can almost reach that flowerpot, just a couple more inches . . .)

    Brendan: I also came to let you have this HM03, Surf. Wally's uncle gave it to me just for the hell of it, but now that I've made use of it, I don't feel like hauling it around. If you want it, I'll give it to you if you turn around three times and say "Pikachu."

    Kenta: You totally stole that from the T.V. show!

    Brendan: So? I've always wanted to say that. I guess you don't want-

    Mary-Sue: *Completing the third turn* pikchu

    *End Flashback*

    As you might imagine, it took me a couple of days to write this entry in, but hey, it was well worth it. Technically, I beat a person with The Voice, and more importantly, I lived through a Hyper Beam attack. When was the last time you did that? Anyway! I'm going to face Norman tomorrow, and hopefully this time around he'll be the one getting served.

    Until the next entry,
    -Kenta
    Last edited by Kenta147; 18th February 2007 at 12:49 AM.

  12. #12
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    *** Chapter 12: Hey Ur Ash ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Harry Armpet?), and today something really weird happened. Um, weird-ER. Than usual. It was the day of my gym battle with Norman, and I was all pumped to kick his arse, and then an unfortunate event went and screwed everything up. We'd just arrived at the gym . . .

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: All right, Norman, prepare to- *Bangs into someone* owwww!

    Ash: hey watr u doig wach wer ur goin

    Kenta: Ohhhh . . . WHA-?!

    Mary-Sue: hey ur ash

    Ash: ya i am hi marysu

    Kenta: *Looking back and forth from Mary-Sue to Ash* What? What? What?

    Film Crew Guy: Hey, kid! You're in the way! Now we've gotta re-do this scene!

    Brock, Max, May: Awwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Kenta: Uh . . . wait, so you're a real person, Ash?

    Ash: duh

    Kenta: . . . you're not Ash. You don't sound anything like him.

    Film Crew Guy: That's because right now, his voice-actor is out, busy putting on her make-up . . . for the seventh time this hour. I swear, one of these days we're going to fire her, and then replace her with an even WORSE voice actor like the smart people we are!

    Kenta: Wait, you mean to tell me Ash lip-syncs to some lady reading a script when the camera's rolling, rather than just using his own voice? . . . WHY?

    Film Crew Guy: Well, uh . . . when we found out he had The Voice, we thought it might annoy the audience, so we just had him move his mouth while someone else spoke his lines, whenever we were producing the show.

    Kenta: Oh my god . . . YOU'RE the moro- er- people who run Poke'Mon Company?!

    Film Crew Guy: Yeah, and everything was going peachy-keen until you had to show up and slam into our star. Now we have to re-do the whole scene over again! *To the rest of the film crew* Okay everyone, take twenty! *Immediately twenty boxes of doughnuts are pulled out*

    Brock: *As the film crew starts chomping away* Your name's Kenta?

    Kenta: How'd you know?

    Brock: *Points up* Script.

    Kenta: I really need to get used to that. Anyway, yeah . . . you sound okay.

    Brock: Eh, heh-heh-heh-heh . . . yeah, that phenomenon didn't affect me. But when Ash showed up in my gym and beat me in our second match using his weird god-powers, I just had to join him! It's not everyday you get a chance to be a T.V. star! They accepted me too . . . they must have liked my talent. Of being able to see where I'm going even with my eyes closed all the time.

    Kenta: And you were okay with walking around with a film crew constantly buzzing around you, and Ash being a total nitwit all the time? And . . . *shudder* . . . Misty always running her mouth?

    Brock: I didn't mind their arguing . . . back then, The Voice was totally new, and I just wanted to check it out. If a person could be affected by something that powerful, imagine if a Poke'Mon had the same thing . . . as a Poke'Mon breeder, naturally that interested me. I wanted to learn more. You, Kenta, you don't seem to mind following someone with The Voice around.

    Kenta: Hey, Mary-Sue follows ME.

    *End flashback*

    I couldn't believe it. Ash Ketchum, whom I'd always thought was just an animation character, was an actual REAL person! And he had The Voice! I guess I should've seen that one coming though, especially after all those times he beat gym leaders using completely illogical tactics. The time his Pikachu beat Blaine's Rhydon with a Thunderbolt to the horn comes to mind. Now that I think about it, it makes total sense.

    Anyway, there we were, in Norman's gym, with Ash, his friends, and all those film crew people from Poke'Mon Company. I thought I smelled burning tires in the air, and the scent appeared to be coming from a guy with a strange smoking pipe of some sort in his mouth. He had the tag "producer" on his shirt, and he looked kind of dazed. I mean, he wasn't surprised or anything, just . . . spaced out. In his own little world.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Hey, what's that guy smoking?

    Max: I'm not sure what's in there, but it certainly takes its effect on him. But hey, we just do what they tell us. They're the bosses.

    Kenta: So they tried to cover up Ash's having The Voice by having a bad voice actor speak for him?

    May: ya thats wat we sed my voic acter is bizy rite now

    Brock: I suppose they were trying to motivate their viewers by suggesting anything was possible for any normal person, if you tried hard enough.

    Kenta: It doesn't count if you have a handicap.

    Max: Hey, these guys PAY us. If they didn't finance our journeying, do you think we could really afford all that food, when none of us have a day job? Look, as long as we keep our dirty little secret covered up, we can keep on winning and entertaining the audience . . . and not starving.

    Kenta: Don't you think it becomes a little obvious to the viewers that something's wrong, when Jasmine's Steelix loses to Ash's pipsqueak little Cyndaquil?

    Brock: Yes, and that's why Ash loses every now and then . . . the producers bribe people like Gym Leader Brawly and Drake of the Elite Four to stage a victory against him. Who wouldn't accept a bribe like that? To win on television . . . and be PAID for it! Nobody would think he's really an invincible godmod. Uh, I mean, trainer.

    Kenta: That's dishonest and deceitfull!

    Film Crew Guy: "Dishonest and deceitful" . . . double d's. I like it! Corny, yet catchy! Let's use that for the next Team Rocket incident, which oughta be . . . hey Larry, which one are we on now?

    Larry: Let's see, uh . . . Rocket Encounter #3,298,572.

    Producer: Ho-ho-ho-ho! I just love those Rocket encounters! I can never get enough of it! Just like this weed! Put in more, MORE I say!

    Film Crew Guy: More Rocket encounters, or more weed, sir?

    Producer: Both! *Huuuuufffffffff!*

    Kenta: So . . . if I were to tell the world about Ash's true self . . .

    Brock: Who would listen to you? We've got most of the Poke'Mon fans convinced that all of Ash's battles are totally fair and square. Even the "School of Hard Knocks" Cubone battle, and we went WAY overboard on that one.

    Kenta: *Getting an idea* Heh . . . hey, film crew guy, I've just thought up a new episode for you.

    Film Crew Guy: So? That's no great charity. We only spend about 40 seconds of planning and thinking out our episodes anyway.

    Kenta: (He's probably right . . .) But what would you guys say to having an actual GOOD episode for once?

    Entire Film Crew: *Muttering amongst themselves* "A good episode, eh . . . it's been ages since we last had a good episode . . . it would sure be nice for our audience if they got an actual decent show once in a while . . . maybe we should give it a shot . . .

    Kenta: Alright then! Hey, Mary-Sue!

    Mary-Sue: *Who's been chatting with Ash the entire time* wat

    Kenta: You've got Poke'Mon that defy the logic of this world. But Ash here has the ability to manipulate reality to turn the match in his favor. Whadda ya say? How about we stage a match between the two greatest trainers with The Voice ever to exist, right here and now?

    May: but i dont batl i win pokmn constest

    Kenta: I'M TALKING ABOUT MARY-SUE!

    May: o

    Mary-Sue: u watn 2 batl ash

    Ash: ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 r u redy pikchu

    Pikachu: Pi-ka!

    Kenta: (Oh my god . . . there it is . . . the infamous beast that destroyed our Poke'fan reputation, standing right in front of me! For so long, I've dreamed of killing it, and I've never been so close as I am now! This could be my only chance! I've got a sword, I could probably stab the little rat and get away before anyone can react quick enough. I must do it. I must! I-)

    Max: Huh? Look, Brock, Kenta's twitching for some reason. And he's got a strange look in his eye . . . a lot like the one our producer has, only more sober!

    Brock: I can't deny I'm worried . . .

    Kenta: (Oh no! They're on to me. But . . . maybe, with luck, Mary-Sue will be able to destroy that foul monster during the match! Yes, I'll wait. When Pikachu's gotten weak, that's when I'll do it . . . *insane giggle* he-he-he-he-he-he-! . . . that's when I'll move in for the kill . . .)

    Camera Guy: Okay, film crew, get ready! We're rolling in five, four, three . . .

    Brock: Woah! I'd better grab my flags to referee this match!

    Ash's Voice Actor: Hey! Don't start without me! Whew . . . I made it!

    Camera Guy: Okay, rolling!

    Ash's Voice Actor: So, Mary-Sue, at last we can battle! I hope you realize, I'm not going to hold back!

    Mary-Sue: ya me nether go espon

    Ash's Voice Actor: (As Ash throws his Poke'Ball) Get 'em Corphish!

    Brock: The first match! Corphish versus Espeon!

    Kenta: (Thanks for stating the obvious-)

    Film Crew Guy: (Shhhhhh-uddup!)

    Brock: Begin!

    *Five minutes later*

    Ash's Voice Actor: Uhhhh-ugghhhh . . . grrrrr . . .

    Kenta: (Sounds like she's constipated, hehehe-)

    Film Crew Guy: (Dammit, will you please be quiet?!)

    Brock: Ash is down to one Poke'Mon left! Meanwhile, Mary-Sue still has all of hers in top shape, with Espeon still out on the field!

    Camera Guy: (This isn't turning out to be much of an episode, boss . . .)

    Producer: (That's all right, let's just do what we always do and have Team Rocket come in now and take up like 70% of the episode's time!)

    Camera Guy: (Roger that. Hey, Charlie, tell Jessie and James to get ready!)

    Ash's Voice Actor: It's all up to you Pikachu! I believe in you, buddy! No matter how bad the odds get, we'll never give up until we win! Someday, I'm gonna be a Poke'Mon master, and uh . . . and do Poke'Mon master stuff! So go and make me proud!

    Pikachu: Pika-chu!

    Kenta: Go Mary-Sue! Take no prisoners! You promised Ash you wouldn't hold back, so seriously, DON'T hold back.

    May: hey u shodnt cher 4 her we gota root 4 teh uderdog go ash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

    Kenta: Pfft. This should take about five seconds.

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Hey, I said seconds! What's going on here?!

    Brock: With Espeon, Raichu, Articuno and Suicune all knocked out, Mary-Sue's now down to HER last Poke'Mon!

    Kenta: Wait, she had another one?

    Pikachu: Pi . . . . ka . . . . pi . . . . *gasping for breath*

    Camera Guy: (Uh-oh, this isn't looking good, man . . . Ash is about to lose, and for the first time, for real! He might have a total breakdown if that were to happen . . . where the hell are Jessie and James?!)

    Film Crew Guy: (They just got here this minute. They're warming up that mechanical hand of theirs to grab Pikachu, just have him hang in there a little bit longer until they can grab him. Then the match will be declared indecisive, and we can halfass our way out of this!)

    Mary-Sue: okay its my las chanc.....go pika!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!

    *Kenta falls over*

    Brock: And! The final match . . . Pikachu versus Pikachu!

    Kenta: (What the @#$% kind of a name is "Pika" for a Pikachu?!)

    Film Crew Guy: (Do I need to gag you?)

    Mary-Sue: go pika us tunderbolt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Ash's Voice Actor: You can do it Pikachu! Go, Quick Attack!

    Camera Guy: (Do it! Now!)

    *A mechanical hand flies in through the window of Norman's gym and snags Pikachu, then begins to pull it away*

    Producer: (Idiots! They grabbed the wrong Pikachu!)

    Kenta: (Actually though, to be honest they probably got the stronger one anyway.)

    Mary-Sue: o no pika fite bak!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    *Pika somehow roots herself to the floor and gives the hand-contraption a mighty yank, pulling the villains on the other hand into the picture*

    Ash's Voice Actor: It's Team-!

    Kenta: -Aqua!

    Leros: grr foild agan

    Kaira: o wel well stil steel all ther pokmon

    Ash: huh who r u

    Producer: *Thrown into panic* Oh no! He spoke! Cut the film, cut the film, for @#$% sakes, CUT THE FILM!

    Leros: wer teem aqwa

    Kaira: ya giv us all ur pokmon

    Norman: *Coming into the gym* Ah, nothing like a nice cup of coffee to- *Stops* What the hell? Ugh . . . May, I TOLD you this sort of stuff would happen if you hung around with these people . . .

    *End Flashback*

    When I started writing this entry, I had a full-lengthed pencil. Now I'm down to a stub, right next to the eraser. Just to be a basterd, I'm gonna end it right here and now, and continue sometime later. Heh, luckily this is only a diary, and nobody's actually reading it. Otherwise, they'd be extraordinarily pee'd off right about now.

    Until the next entry,
    -Kenta
    Last edited by Kenta147; 18th February 2007 at 1:10 AM.

  13. #13
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    *** Chapter 13: Screw What The Viewers Want ***
    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Richard Nixon?), and now that I've got a new pencil and my hand isn't cramping up anymore, we can pick up where we left off. Uh . . . where was that? Oh right, we were in Norman's gym, and everything was happening at once.

    *Flashback*

    Ash: hey u r tos tem aqa peeps ur bad

    Producer: What the @#$% are you doing here? You're not supposed to appear again for another twenty or so episodes! God, I'm so stressed . . . where's my crack-pipe? I want my crack-pipe!

    Kenta: Leros and Kaira? Okay, if you guys were the ones at the end of the mechanical hand, then where's Team Rocket?

    *Scene shifts to Jessie, James, and Meowth, who are bound and gagged, and tied to a tree. Cassidy and Butch, who happen to be passing through the area at the time (on their way to pose as villains for the current Poke'Mon Chronicles episode) stop to laugh at them. "So, all dressed up and nowhere to go, eh?"*

    May: ther notso bad then

    Kenta: Oh, right, getting rid of a couple of rats by using poisonous snakes is a REAL good method. We're so much better off now.

    Brock: This is bad! The Aquas have The Voice, and right now the only goodguys with The Voice are down to just one Poke'Mon left!

    Leros/Kaira: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    Norman: Um . . . has everyone forgotten I'm here?

    Kenta: Shuddup Norman, we're kind of in the middle of a crisis here!

    Leros: u beter surender now or wel beet u al up wit r pokmon

    Kaira: ya go cradant

    Leros: go mityena

    Camera Guy: I stopped the film, boss. Should I rev 'er back up again?

    Producer: *All the way on the other side of the gym with the rest of the film crew* Oh! Uh, sure! Go ahead, if you need us we'll all be back here where godmod Poke'Mon can't mangle us up.

    *Mary-Sue, Ash, the Aquas, and May all simultaneously twitch*

    Kenta: (What was that all about?)

    Ash's Voice Actor: Um . . . (shoot, Pikachu's weak, I'd better get him back up to full strength again.) Pikachu! You can do it, buddy! I believe in you! Let's beat those no-good thieves!

    Pikachu: *Miraculously replenished* Pika-CHU!

    Mary-Sue: getem pika!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Pika: Pikachu! *Breaks free of mechanical hand*

    Leros: uh oh um go tyrantar

    Kaira: wer in trobl go gardos

    Norman: *As Tyranitar and Gyarados appear beside Mightyena and Crawdaunt* Four against two, that's cheating! Come on, Kenta, let's even the odds!

    Kenta: *Lowering Norman's arm* Ummmm . . . relax, dude, that won't be necessary.

    Norman: What do you mean?

    Mary-Sue/Ash: DOBL PIKCHU TUNDRBLT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 *Both Pikachu gather electrical energy, then blow the entire side out of Norman's gym, obviously sending the Aquas and the Rockets flying off into the distance. Insert "ding" star.*

    Everyone (except Kenta) : Yay! They did it!

    Norman: But who's going to pay for the thousands of dollars of damage done to my gym?

    Kenta: Tsk . . . that was anticlimactic. The Aquas were beaten so fast, why'd they even bother coming?

    Producer: *Now that it's safe to come out* Hey, we do that all the time, kid. We put Team Rocket into the episode, if only to show that they're still alive, then blow them away even if they've done nothing wrong that particular episode. *huffffffff!* I'm so smart I scare myself sometimes.

    Kenta: . . . you're a freak.

    Ash's Voice Actor: So . . . uh . . . does this episode count? And more importantly, do I get paid for it?

    Film Crew Guy: We can't afford to air this crap as an episode! Ash spoke in his own voice WAY too much, and Pikachu pulled the miraculous-revival-from-pep-talk stunt five times in a row.

    Mary-Sue: o cmon

    Kenta: Yeah, cut us some slack! Except for overdoing the stuff you usually try, this ought to be good enough. What about the time Charizard broke his wings when fighting Falkner's Pidgeot, and then was STILL able to fly? That was intolerable!

    Producer: No, what's intolerable was the banned Dratini Safari Zone episode, where the warden pulled a gun on Ash.

    Kenta: Right, because missile launchers and flamethrowers, exposure to children of James's obvious gayness, and the episodes zooming in on Lorelei's enormous boobs are sooooo much more appropriate.

    Producer: I stand by my decision. Screw what the viewers want, as long as we keep making good money off them. Pack up boys, we're goin' home!

    Mary-Sue: wait cn we finsh r batl

    Ash: no pikchus week now btu mabye wel batle agn somday

    Pikachu: Kaaa . . . *suddenly battered up*

    Kenta: (Now . . . I'm gonna do it now!)

    Ash: by marysu i stil lov u

    Mary-Sue: i lov u 2 ash

    Kenta: (A/N: This is well-worth viewing.)

    Max: WHAT did you just say?!

    Brock: Ash! Was that what you were talking with Mary-Sue about the whole time?

    Ash: ye-

    Kenta: I can't hear you! I can't hear you! *Holds hands to ears* La-la-la-la-la-la-la!

    Camera Guy: Aww, that's sweet . . . and totally disasterous for our show. *Grabs Ash by the leg and drags him out of the gym* Goodbye everybody! I hope you all drop dead!

    Kenta: . . . nice people . . .

    Norman: My gym's ruined . . .

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Okay . . . that's an incident I'm going to regret having for the rest of my life. But getting back to business at hand, how about a battle, Norman?

    Norman: Are you serious? My wall's in shambles, I just found out my kids were traveling with a bunch of psychotic morons, my wife is going to kill me, and to sum it all up, I spilled coffee down the front of my shirt.

    Kenta: So that's a yes?

    Norman: *Sigh* Oh, why not? My day can't possibly get any worse.

    *Five minutes later*

    Mary-Sue: i tink ur da just got wors

    *Combusken has Slaking in a headlock (and is giving him a wet willy,) and Gardevoir is meditating on top of a flattened-out Vigoroth*

    Kenta: Ready to quit? Or ya thirsty for more?

    Norman: You cheated.

    Kenta: No I didn't.

    Norman: Your Combusken hit Slaking in the eye with one of the film crew's microphone poles!

    Kenta: All's fair in the love and war! Now gimme a badge!

    Norman: Tsk . . . I hate kids. I never should have allowed myself to be lumped with them.

    Kenta: *Pushing Mary-Sue out in front of him* You still have one to go!

    Norman: Screw this, just take the badge. Take the whole damn shoe box of badges if you want!

    Mary-Sue: wow ty

    Kenta: No "ty." We got what we came here for, now let's celebrate and go out for root beers! And NEVER mention you loving Ash again.

    Mary-Sue: but its t-

    Kenta: *Singing loudly, hands on ears* I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves . . .

    *End flashback*

    Something bugs me about what happened earlier, before everyone left as fast as they came . . . what was with that sudden odd behavior from those guys earlier?

    *Mini-flashback*

    Producer: *All the way on the other side of the gym with the rest of the film crew* Oh! Uh, sure! Go ahead, if you need us we'll all be back here where godmod Poke'Mon can't mangle us up.

    *Mary-Sue, Ash, the Aquas, and May all simultaneously twitch*

    Kenta: (What was that all about?)

    *End mini-flashback*

    No. Don't ask questions. Everything's better when you don't ask questions. Alright, moving swiftly along, we'll be surfing the waves tomorrow, and I just now remembered that Mary-Sue's got Suicune, so I don't need to use my Surf HM. Oh well . . . maybe I can sell it to someone. Anyway, we're gonna set out for that shipwreck place, and maybe we'll find sunken treasure! Or ghosts! Or more likely, absolutely nothing! Woo-hoo!

    Oh, and in case you were wondering, the reason I'm so shocked at Ash liking Mary-Sue is because . . . well, if Ash exists, Misty apparently exists, and have you seen the size of her mallet? Wherever that mallet goes, pain and destruction follow, and I do NOT wanna be caught in the cross-fire. Come to think of it, I wonder if Mary-Sue has a mallet. Boy would that suck.

    Forever last to know what's going on,
    -Kenta

  14. #14
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    *** Chapter 14: Is This Legal? ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Puff the Magic Dragon? Because that's what the Director was doing- puffin' the magic dragon.) Anyway, he lives by the sea, and that's where I'll initiate today, I guess. I wonder if I can do that annoying narrator's voice . . . ahem: "Once again, we find our heroes out on their continued journey to one day become great Poke'Mon masters! Who knows what kind of exciting adventure awaits them today?"

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: God, I'm so BORED! There's nothing around us but sea, water, and more ocean. What genius decided we'd take the sea route??

    Mary-Sue: u did

    Kenta: I figured we'd run into people swimming way out here where they could drown and die if they got tired or experienced a cramp. But there's nobody anywhere!

    Mary-Sue: mabye their smrt

    Kenta: That doesn't sound like the world we live in. Hey, look, there's a guy swimming over there! I knew I was right!

    Mary-Sue: ok sucun go 2 him

    Random Guy: hi im a swimr i chaleng u 2 a batl

    Kenta: No thanks.

    Random Guy: wat????????????????????/ but i hav exclmatin makr over my hed

    Kenta: But you also have The Voice. I'd rather keep my Poke'Mon alive long enough to get to the next city.

    Random Guy: u hav 2 fit me

    Kenta: Okay, you keep thinking that. Let's go, Mary-Sue.

    Random Guy: o hi marysu

    Mary-Sue: hi

    Random Guy: u shur mov fast i thot i c u in suknen shp

    Mary-Sue: wat?????? i dint go in der yet

    Kenta: Sunken ship? Where? *Mary-Sue and Random Guy both point to the half-submerged wreck about twenty yards away* Oh. Well, that's not really a sunken ship, is it? It's only a crapped-up vessel that's only part-way waterlogged.

    Mary-Sue: w/e lets go chek it ot

    Kenta: Alright, we've got nothing better to do. I wonder why that random guy thought he saw you in the ship?

    Random Guy: u wer in der and u guy nevr batld me!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: What a dump! Nobody lives like this except college kids.

    Mary-Sue: nobdy livs her

    Tourist: Uh . . . y-yeah, nobody. I'm just visiting this ship. Really! That's why I'm a tourist!

    Kenta: Riiiight . . . okay, I've got the feeling you've been here for a while, so would you mind telling me how dangerous this place is, on a scale from 1-10?

    Tourist: I'll do better than that! There's a sign over there telling you all the places on the ship that are dangerous.

    Kenta: "Welcome to the S.S. Sunken! (What a retarded name.) Here are some happy guidelines to follow so that you don't leave in a casket! Rule 1: No jumping on the deck, unless you want to poke yet ANOTHER hole in this wreck and fall through three floors below deck. Rule 2: No using Dive. Yes, there are wild Sharpedo further down there still devouring the last ******* to try it."

    Mary-Sue: dos it rely say tht

    Kenta: Word-for-word. "Rule 3: No breaking down the doors to locked rooms. Violators will be prosecuted. We don't know who's going to enforce this yet, if anyone, so please just behave. Rule 4: No visiting the ship's wine cellar." Hmm . . . looks like this one was added.

    Tourist: *Hiding a jug behind his back* Aaaaah! W-wasn't me! But, uh . . . don't go down there! It's behind a locked door, and a vicious Sharpedo guards the entrance!

    Mary-Sue: kool!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    Kenta: Okay, you know what, let's just go below deck and barge into the rooms, like we would if this were a working ship. *Goofy grin* Maybe some of the guests left behind their wallets.

    *Five minutes later*

    Mary-Sue: ths dors lokd 2

    Kenta: Grrr . . . *pulls out a hairpin* That does it, I'm picking the lock!

    Mary-Sue: but teh ruls sed th-

    Kenta: They said not to break down the doors. Well, I'm just gonna cheat it a little, and . . . presto! We're in!

    Mary-Sue: y do u hav a harpin

    Kenta: *Pointing to the back of his head* Long hair. Okay, let's raid the dressers . . . shoot, no panties! Someone beat me to them. Mary-Sue, check the closet and tell me if you find anything worthwhile.

    Mary-Sue: is ths legl

    Kenta: It's legal enough. Go, Combusken! *Flash!* You help, too. Seach under the beds, tell me if you find a gold watch or something.

    Combusken: *Translation* I know I just saw a crab claw poke out from under there . . . YOU check!

    Mary-Sue: hey ketna i fond a secrt paseg

    Kenta: (That didn't sound like "wallet") . . . wait, what?

    Mary-Sue: thers som stares goin donw

    Kenta: COOL! I wonder if it leads to a room full of smuggled goods . . .

    Mary-Sue: *As they start to walk down* mabye it gos 2 teh win celer war the garding sharpdo is

    Kenta: Are you telling me you believed that drunkard? There's a reason he was here with no boat to get home, y'know. Hey, uh, it's getting dark, give us a little light, Combusken.

    Mary-Sue: wer at botom of stares now war r we

    Mysterious Voice: Welcome, Mary-Sue. I've been waiting for you. *Lights click on*

    Kenta: WOAH! . . . this ship WAS illegally smuggling stuff! It's the banned Dratini episode, stacks and stacks of it! And here's the banned Porgyon episode, and this is the original Raikou movie, and here's some top-secret junk about Poke'Mon D/P, and-

    Anti-Sue: Dammit Kenta, you completely ruined my dramatic entrance!

    Mary-Sue: o no its antisu

    Anti-Sue: (That's better.) Yes, Mary-Sue, it's been a while. I knew your curiosity would draw you down here.

    Kenta: *In the background* 'Scuse me! Does anyone have a working T.V., a DVD player, and some batteries?

    Anti-Sue: Kenta, will you shut up for a second?! Ahem . . . as I was saying, I knew your curiosity would draw you down here, and now I'm going to take you back to where you belong- the lab!

    Mary-Sue: nevr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ! go espon

    Anti-Sue: Resistance is futile! Come out, Umbreon!

    Kenta: *Holding the plug to a television he's found* I need to find an outlet-eon!

    Mary-Sue/Anti-Sue: ATTACK!!

    *End Flashback*

    So, for the second time, we encountered Anti-Sue, and this time she was determined to take down Mary-Sue right then and there. If I wasn't so busy looking for the remote control, I would have been a bit more concerned about it. I don't know why there's a grudge between them, or why there's a laboratory involved in the matter, but for now, I'm just going to do what I always do and not ask questions. It's not like they ever get answered.

    Until the next entry,
    -Kenta

  15. #15
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    *** Chapter 15: RPG = Realm of Prediction Governing ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Amanda Huggenkiss?), and I've just noticed that we're about halfway through this diary. I'm such a persistant writer, bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Er, actually, I just tore out half the pages in this book since they were soaked beyond recovery. Yeah, that's right, we had a little trouble with the ship.

    *Flashback*

    Anti-Sue: Umbreon, Bite!

    Mary-Sue: epson flsh now u cant c

    Anti-Sue: Going for the typical dodging tactic? I don't think so. Your precious God Mod won't save your butt this time! Faint Attack, Umbreon!

    Kenta: *As Espeon's getting hit by the super-effective guaranteed strike move* Pipe down over there, I can't hear the T.V.!

    T.V.: "Misty you stupid *bleep!*, you're always in the way!" "*Bleep!* you, Ash! I saw it first, so I'm *bleep!*ing well gonna capture it!" "Ash! Misty! If the both of you don't shut the *bleep!* up, you're going to scare it away!" "Toto-toto-toto-toto!" *Shooting the bird*

    Kenta: Woah. No wonder this episode never aired. *Reads label* "Fandub." I THOUGHT this sounded different from the original Johto Totodile episode.

    Mary-Sue: ketna hlp

    Kenta: *Finally pulling his eyes away from the television* Huh? *Rubs eyes* She's actually BEATING you?!

    Anti-Sue: Even those under God Mod have their limitations! Now, Lapras, Body Slam!

    Mary-Sue: no suicun surf

    Anti-Sue: Ha ha ha! That's not going to work! My Lapras has Water Absorb.

    Mary-Sue: *As Suicune's getting pummeled* nooooooooooooooo ketna hlp me plz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!

    Kenta: Guess I can't ignore that many exclamation marks. All right, Anti-Sue, I don't see what your grudge against Mary-Sue is, but as weird as she is, I've kinda gotten attatched to her! So if you're going to attack her for no reason like this, I'm going to step in!

    Anti-Sue: You keep out of this. If anything, you should be on my side!

    Kenta: You're as evil . . . well, semi-evil as the Aquas! I don't trust you. Dark, c'mon out!

    Anti-Sue: . . . you would side with God Mod?

    Kenta: Alright, what the hell is God Mod anyway?

    Mary-Sue: dont lisin 2 her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Anti-Sue: God Mod is exactly what He sounds like. In this Realm of Prediction Governing, and in every other RPG like it, He is always there to lead fallen ones astray.

    Kenta . . . what?

    Mary-Sue: dont lisin 2 her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Anti-Sue: There are multiple universes beyond the one we live in, and very few of them actually have Poke'Mon in them. But every RPG, Realm of Prediction Governing, has one thing in common: God Mod. He invokes negative actions in all participants, pride, greed, bunnying, spotlight hogging . . .

    Kenta: You're making no sense. There's no god like that out there! And what the @#$% is prediction governing?

    Anti-Sue: Your actions are guided by fate. You do not decide them. Prediction governing is done by a higher being than yourself, who decides what happens to you. Not necessarily God Mod, but usually the author and his friends.

    Kenta: Okay, you're completely insane. Dark, use Fury Cutter!

    Anti-Sue: You're not listening to me! God Mod invokes chaos in every Realm of Prediction Governing! And Mary-Sue is His Chosen One! Haven't you ever wondered why anyone and everyone infected with The Voice knew her name??

    Kenta: . . .

    *End Flashback*

    All of a sudden it was clear as day. Have you ever once felt this experience? You're sleeping peacefully in bed, and all of a sudden one of your parents barges in and flicks the light on so that the brightness burns your eyes. Yeah . . . it felt like that.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Is this true, Mary-Sue?

    Mary-Sue: no its not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Anti-Sue: But of couse she denies it. After all, she's the Chosen One.

    Kenta: I thought Ash was the Chosen One. You know, from Revelation Lugia?

    Anti-Sue: God Mod doesn't just pick one. Anyone under His influence has but to say he or she is a chosen one, and all the other people in the RPG with The Voice will bow down before that person. Well . . . most of the time. It doesn't always work that way.

    Kenta: So what has Mary-Sue done wrong? What's the problem with being the Chosen One?

    Anti-Sue: A world cannot function in chaos! And if Mary-Sue follows through with the prophecy-

    Kenta: Prophecy?! What prophecy?? Who writes those things anyway?

    Anti-Sue: Kenta, you keep shattering the mystical atmosphere I'm trying to create! If you just pipe down and listen for a second, you'll understand why I have to take Mary-Sue into custody!

    Kenta: Hey, I'm just stalling for time.

    Anti-Sue: WHAT? *Turns to see that Lapras is fainted*

    Kenta: Dark wasn't just sitting around twiddling his thumbs this whole time. Fury Cutter keeps getting stronger with every turn, and your Lapras had nothing to throw back at him.

    Anti-Sue: N-no way . . . she was Durai's Poke'Mon . . .

    Mary-Sue: cmon we ned 2 get ota her

    Kenta: You've got a lot of explaining to do later. *Turns to run, then doubles back and grabs a small stack of illegally-dubbed Poke'Mon merchandise before taking off again*

    Anti-Sue: I will not allow you to escape! I've let you slip away too many times already, Mary-Sue! Go Salamence, HYPER BEAM!

    Kenta: Cool! I want a Salamence!

    Mary-Sue: *As Hyper Beam is fired at them* hury up dont stp

    Kenta: Aw @#$%! It's gonna hit us! I still haven't fully recovered from the last-

    *End Flashback*

    Believe it or not, this one didn't hurt as bad as the one from that level infinity Zigzagoon. Don't get me wrong, it blew a hole in the inside hull of the ship, but I only got nicked in the leg. For the next minute or two, I played army dodgeball on my other good leg all the way up the stairs, with that maniac Anti-Sue screaming like a retarded crow the entire time behind us. Ironically, we didn't get hit with Hyper Beam again after bursting out of the closet again. Instead, a gigantic wave of water drenched us, and we realized the ship was sinking from that hole in the hull.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Gah! Mary-Sue, this is no time to be splashing me with a bucket!

    Mary-Sue: i dint teh ships skinkin we gota go

    Kenta: But what about Anti-Sue? Won't she drown down there?

    Mary-Sue: no

    Kenta: . . . you sure? *The wall explodes from behind, and Anti-Sue and Salamence gush out on a wave of sal****er* Okay, I'm sure too. Abandon shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip!

    Anti-Sue: You're on our blacklist for this, Kenta!

    Tourist: *From outside the ship* Boy, this ship's making funny noises all of a sudden. I wonder if-

    Kenta: *Bursting past him and knocking him over* Outta the way, coming through, crazy girl with a Salamence after us!

    Mary-Sue: go artuno fly

    Kenta: We're running away? Why can't we fight? Articuno can kick Salamence's arse anyday!

    Mary-Sue: we got 2 escap get on

    Anti-Sue: I will not fail again! I will never let your reign come to pass! *Salamence knocks over the tourist guy again just as he's getting up*

    Kenta: Crap, she's catching up! What do we do?

    Mary-Sue: thro somtin at hr

    Kenta: Huh? But what should I-? *Looks down at his stuff* Oh no. Not my beautiful scavenged illegal merchandise! Never! *Salamence shoots out Flamethrower from behind and singes the top of Kenta's head* All right, all right, I'll do it! *Turns around* Take that, you homicidal maniacs!

    Anti-Sue: DVD discs aren't going to- *Gets hit in the nose* Ow! That hur- OW! Argh! Pull back, Salamence!

    *End Flasback*

    We didn't stop for anything. As soon as Anti-Sue withdrew a little, Articuno used Reflect, blocking her and Salamence from coming back at us. Then we winged it into the clouds, and didn't come back down again until we were flying over Maulville City. That fat old coot Wattson was waiting for us down there (don't ask me why,) and when I gasped out to him that we needed a place to hide temporarily, he told us we could go down to New Maulville IF we agreed to shut off the power generator down there. I said yes without thinking, and here I am, a half hour later, writing in the pages of a damp diary as we prowl the dusty corridors of this rat-hole. With any luck, Mary-Sue and I won't get attacked by another Magnemite or Voltorb. It seems that every time I start to ask her about this whole God Mod or Chosen One thing, another electric Poke'Mon comes up to me and either zaps me or explodes on my foot. So my status? Back to not asking questions. Everything's better when you don't ask questions.

    I will find out more about this, whether I want to or not. I can't escape that anymore. But until then, I'll count my band-aids . . . er, blessings.
    -Kenta
    Last edited by Kenta147; 18th February 2007 at 1:12 AM.

  16. #16
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    *** Chapter 16: Pika Casts Thundaga ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Martha Stewart?), and I'm hurting all over again. Yeah. You see, we got into a big fight today with one of the strongest basterds ever created, and I don't mean Mewtwo either. This guy was much worse. Look, whenever you go as far underground as we did, you can full well expect to run into mega-bosses like these. Groudon, Ifrit, Anti-Sue, etc.

    *Flashback*

    Mary-Sue: ths is takin 4evr

    Kenta: What are you complaining about? You're not the one who's gotten thundershocked for the 1,237th time now.

    Mary-Sue: wait i heer somtin

    Kenta: Hey . . . me too. Sounds like a distant banging and thumping. Reminds me of the time the cat barfed a hairball in my lap, so I threw him in the drier machine and started 'er up.

    Mary-Sue: ur meen

    Kenta: Well, the stupid cat never puked his fur on me again, I'll say that much. Anyway . . . that's the generator, right? Once we get down there, we can shut it off and get out of here already.

    Combusken: *Translation* Huh? Did it stop?

    Mary-Sue: wait i cant her teh genrater enymor

    Kenta: Really? Maybe it ran out of gas. In that case, let's get out of- *Distant scream* Oh my gosh! Did you hear that?! It sounded like a damsel in distress!

    Mary-Sue: wat wod a womn be doig donw heer

    Kenta: *Deep, heroic voice* Don't know, but it's up to me to save her! Let's go, Combusken!

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: *Huff, huff* Up . . . to me . . . to save her . . . phew! These hallways just keep on going!

    Mary-Sue: *Somehow caught up* thers genrater we mad it

    Kenta: Yeah, but where's the damsel?

    Brendan: *Hidden in the corner, in fetal position* D-don't let it get me! Don't let it come any closer!

    Kenta: Huh? Brendan! What are you doing down here??

    Brendan: Kenta! Mary-Sue! Stay back, or it'll come for you too!

    Mary-Sue: wat wil

    Brendan: Him! He lives off the power of that crappy generator! He wasn't happy when I shut it off!

    Kenta: Wait, Wattson sent you down here to shut down the generator too?

    Brendan: Yeah, Wattson. If I live to see daylight again, I'm going to wring that sissy's neck for sending me down here to where that *shudder* thing is!

    Kenta: WHAT thing?! And where's the woman?

    *End flashback*

    I probably shouldn't have yelled so loud. But suddenly, the thing appeared out of nowhere, slamming down in front of the generator on its four legs. That's when Brendan screamed, and I realized who the "damsel" was. Ugh, it's going to take me weeks to shake off that horrible thought. Anyway, the thing that had terrified Brendan so much was none other than-

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Ultima Weapon?!

    Mary-Sue: omg

    Brendan: Aaaaaaaaah! It's the second-most-powerful creature in all of Final Fantasy 8!

    Kenta: But this is Poke'Mon! What the hell is Ultima Weapon doing here?

    Weapon: Look, I don't know what's going on here either, but apparently now that you've entered my lair, you have to fight me.

    Kenta: Huh? You can talk?

    Weapon: Well, duh.

    Kenta: How come you never talked in the games?

    Weapon: There wasn't a whole lot of time for that. Everyone just started attacking me for no reason as soon as they caught sight of me. Either that, or they ran like hell. I never meant to cause mass-panic and terror. All I wanted was some ice cream!

    Kenta: Oh. Well, uh . . . anyone have some ice cream?

    *Mary-Sue and Brendan both shake their heads*

    Weapon: Then we're just going to have to fight! Prepare for the wrath of Ultima Weapon!

    *Scene gets all fuzzy, then clears up to show the background for a full minute and a half. Then finally, you see Kenta standing before Weapon with his sword out, and on his right is Combusken, while on the left is Pika, Mary-Sue's Pikachu. Three bars pop up at the bottom of the screen, filling up quickly, and Pika's is the first one to reach the full. Pika selects "Magic."*

    Kenta: What in the name of Arnold Schwarzenegger am I doing??

    Mary-Sue: pika us tundr

    *Pika casts Thundaga! 3,453 damage*

    Kenta: Huh? My bar's filled up. Let's see, I wonder how you work this thing?

    *Kenta selects "Summon" and chooses "Suicune."*

    Kenta: Hey! Now it's making me wait! Tsk . . . oh well, torch his arse, Combusken!

    *Combusken selects "Magic" and casts Meltdown! Ultima Weapon's defense drops to 0!*

    Weapon: I'll teach you to screw around with my stats! *Weapon casts "Ultima"! 6,780 damage to Combusken, 9,998 damage to Kenta, 1 damage to Pika*

    Kenta: Owww . . . hey, how come Pika only gets one damage done to him?! As if I have to ask . . . oh, cool, my summon's complete! *Mary-Sue throws out Suicune, who blasts Ultima Weapon with Tsunami! 9,999 damage*

    Weapon: Ow. That hurt a bit. I've only got about nine million hitpoints left.

    Kenta: Dammit!

    Mary-Sue: pika chrg

    *Pika casts "Haste"*

    Kenta: Combusken, Double Kick!

    *Combusken selects "Attack" and beats Ultima Weapon across the face twice with his feet! 1,240 damage*

    Weapon: Not the face! You're going to pay for that!

    Brendan: Boy is he getting mad. You gotta do something, Mary-Sue!

    Mary-Sue: i gota pln

    Kenta: All right, I have to make this next attack count . . . huh? *Kenta selects "Attack" and sees a little arrow jutting out* I wonder what this is? *Sees "Lion Heart"*

    Brendan: Yeah! Hit him with Lion Heart! That's like, twenty 9,999's!

    *Kenta accidentally hits "Attack" instead of "Limit Break"! 874 damage*

    Kenta: Oops.

    Brendan: Kenta, you idiot!

    Weapon: All right, now all of you are toast! *Weapon turns the ground into bubbling magma, which somehow misses both Brendan and Mary-Sue, and depletes Kenta and Combusken to 0 hp. They both jerk dramatically for a moment, then fall down. 1 damage to Pika.*

    Mary-Sue: ok pika us zap canin on genrater

    Weapon: Noooooooooo! Not only is that my source of power, but if you hit it, it'll blow up and destroy me!

    Brendan: You say that like it's a bad thing.

    Weapon: *Subtly* It'll destroy your little friends, too. They're fainted. You'll never drag them out in time.

    Kenta: *Bouncing to his feet* Aw, hell no! I'm not gonna hang around here and go boom! Let's get the @#$% out of here!

    Weapon: *As everyone hightails it out of there and the generator starts to spark and rattle violently* No way! How did you-?!

    Kenta: *Over his shoulder* 'Cause this is Poke'Mon! The trainer never gets hurt! (Unless he's hit by Hyper Beams and electrical shocks all over the place . . .)

    Weapon: NOOOOOOOOOO! I want ice creeaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmm!!

    *Five minutes later, after a very loud boom*

    Wattson: Wahahahahahahaha! You blew up the generator?! You kids weren't supposed to do that!

    Brendan: How come you're laughing if you're angry?

    Wattson: Wahahahahahahaha! It's a bad habit of mine! Now get outta here before I call the cops on you! Wahahahahahaha!

    Kenta: Hey! If anything, we should be ****** at you! You sent us down there to where a bunch of angry Magnemite and Voltorb were stalking the hallways looking for people to electrocute. Not to mention, there was a monster at the generator ready to rip our heads off!

    Wattson: Wahahahahahahaha! That's right, Ultima Weapon was the reason I was too scared to go down there myself. Now that you kids have some dirt on me as well, I won't have you arrested for destroying the generator, and we can all pretend like this never happened. Okay?

    Brendan: *Exploding* Kenta heard me scream like a girl because of this! I'm gonna to massacre you! *Brendan selects "Magic" and casts Meteor!*

    Wattson: Wahahahaha- *Sees a bunch of burning rocks flying down from the sky straight at him* Uh-oh.

    Kenta: We'll be going now. Best wishes, and I hope you live through that.

    Mary-Sue: by santa

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: *Face buried in the map* Okay, according to this, we're now on route 811.

    Mary-Sue: ur holdin it upsidown its rowt 118

    Kenta: . . . oh. Yeah. My mind's somewhere else. You see, this is the first time in this whole RPG that I've actually used my sword, only to discover that it's a piece of crap. I wish I had a better weapon.

    Fisherman-Guy: Then you're in luck! For no apparent reason, I've just decided this instant that fishing sucks, and there are better things to do with my life. So here, have my Good Rod!

    Kenta: Wow! Thanks dude! This is probably much more effective than a steel blade! *Casts the rod in a random direction, which turns out to be the bushes to the north* Whoopsie. Hey, I think I got something!

    Steven: *As he's being pulled through the hedges* Ah, greetings again Brendan, I thought I'd- *Stops* Hey, you're not Brendan!

    Kenta: Nope. My name's Kenta, and this is Mary-

    Steven: Woah, hold it! Look, first of all, I'm bad with names, so you may as well not even bother. Secondly, you just stabbed a hook into the back of my neck and dragged me through a bunch of prickly brambles without even saying sorry. And thirdly, I've been hiding here for six full hours to jump out at Brendan whenever he comes along, so I can't have you blowing my cover now. So seeya, so-long, sayonara!

    Kenta: *As Steven jumps back into the bushes* Even after all the things I've been through, I still marvel at how weird and creepy some people are.

    *End flashback*

    See, this is why I don't like side-quests. They turn out to be more of a pain than the adventure at hand. But there's some last-minute good news in all this mayhem. I'm writing this passage at the Berry Master's house, and I love this guy. He gives out free stuff. Need I say more? But it's started raining out, which is very mysterious considering how suddenly it started, so I probably won't be able to write again until we reach the next dry place, wherever that may be.

    Until the next entry,
    -Kenta

  17. #17
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    Oct 2006
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    *** Chapter 17: STILL Can’t Be Arsed ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it’s me again (what, you were expecting Ronald Mcdonald?) and as usual, we’ve been diligently moving right along. Wow, this was a short introduction.

    *Flashback*

    Berry Master: Say, um . . . do you plan on continuing your quest anytime soon, Kenta?

    Kenta: Errrr . . . are you trying to tell me something?

    Berry Master: Well not to be rude or anything, but you’ve been lounging about my place here for three days in a row now, you’ve eaten all my berries, and since you’ve arrived, this couch has become terribly unpleasant to sit on.

    Mary-Sue: we gota stay undrcovor utnil antisu gos awa

    Kenta: Yeah, you should have seen her go crazy like she did. And how’s it my fault for your couch being uncomfortable?

    *Berry Master gets up and turns around, and Trapinch can be seen hanging off his butt with his teeth*

    Kenta: *Sweatdrop* Oh.

    Berry Master’s Wife: You know, there’s a daycare back near Maulville City where you can just put in your Poke’Mon for a while. And when you come back to pick them up, they’ll be at a much higher level.

    Kenta: Really?! Cool! I wonder how they do it?

    *Scene shifts to the Poke’Mon Daycare, where the caretaker has every Poke’Mon in there tied to a chair in front of the T.V. with their eyes taped open*

    Caretaker: All right, maggots, the only way you’ll ever get any stronger is by enduring the toughest torture of your freakin’ lives! So here’s today’s schedule . . . from 6:00-8:55, you’re going to watch nonstop episodes of Barney & Friends! From 9:00 to 11:55, it’s time for the badly-dubbed English version of Slayers! And after lunch comes the greatest torment of all . . . a complete marathon of Poke’Mon Mystery Dungeon, the T.V. series!

    *Tormented screams and wails of various Poke’Mon resound. Scene shifts back to the present*

    Kenta: I could just let someone else train my Poke’Mon?? Kickass! Why didn’t anyone tell me this sooner? *Grabs Trapinch and rushes out the door. As Kenta’s running back towards Maulville City, he passes Brendan just in time to see Steven jump out at him and yell “BOO!” Five minutes later, he’s back at the Berry Master’s house*

    Mary-Sue: tht was fast

    Kenta: Well, I can run fast. I would have been back sooner, but I had to get around Wattson. He was buried under a big pile of meteorites, laughing and muttering to himself. Something about “sticks and stones.”

    Berry Master: Hey, how’d you get across the water without a surfing Poke’Mon?

    Kenta: OY! Questioning things that don’t make sense is MY job!

    Berry Master: Well you’ve been doing a pretty crappy job of it lately.

    Kenta: True . . . hey, Mary-Sue, let’s get going. I didn’t see Anti-Sue anywhere, and it’s stopped raining.

    Berry Master: Wait, you never answered my question-

    Kenta: I SWAM, okay? Geez, what is with this unspoken pact between trainers about always having to ride a surfing Poke’Mon? Not everyone has lead bricks tied to their feet, you know!

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: *Feeling a drop* @#$%! It’s raining again. . . . and now we have to go through tall grass? That’s just great. Now I can be wet and miserable, AND have gnats and grasshoppers clinging to me for hours.

    Mary-Sue: wer at mimic circel peeps her try 2 copy ur movmints

    Kenta: Hey, you’re right . . . there’s a guy now! Who’s he mimicking?

    Mary-Sue: bot of us

    Kenta: Heh, then let’s just split up and meet back again when we get out of here. I’d like to see him mimic that. (Maybe he’ll blow up.)

    Mary-Sue: fin cya l8r

    Kenta: Bye. Darn, that mimicking monkey didn’t explode . . . he’s just going after Mary-Sue. Oh well. Less trouble for me.

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: *As a wild Tropius hits the ground, fainted* Woo-hoo! Nice punch, Vigoroth! I wonder . . . after all these wild Poke’Mon we’ve been knocking out, shouldn’t I be feeling some kind of remorse? *Thinks for a second, then waves hand* . . . nah.

    Random Girl: *Also waving hand in Kenta’s fashion.*

    Kenta: Huh? Oh. Another monkey. Monkey see, monkey do, monkey make a fool of you. *Pretends to pick his nose. Random Girl pretends to pick her nose.* Hmm . . . *pokes himself in the eye. Random Girl pokes herself in the eye.* Oh, I see how it is. Well then . . . *Starts to take off his gi shirt*

    Random Girl: H-hey! That’s playing dirty!

    Kenta: (Meh, it was worth a shot.) *Snaps fingers*

    Random Girl: You pervert! I’m going to get you for this in a battle! Let’s go Roselia!

    Kenta: This’ll be easy . . .

    *Five minutes later*

    Mary-Sue: wat tok u so log

    Kenta: *All bruised and beaten* I had a little battle with one of those mimics.

    Mary-Sue: and u lsot?????????????????/

    Kenta: Oh no, I won. But then she beat me up afterwards.

    Mary-Sue: lol

    Kenta: Aw, shuddup. Hey, is this rain getting even worse?

    Mary-Sue: ya lok thers a bildig up ahed its teh wether instut

    Kenta: What would a Weather Institute be doing in the middle of nowhere like this? Although I guess it does make sense, with all this random raining going on. Well, who gives a crap anyway, let's just cross this bridge and hurry up to the next city.

    Team Magma Guy: Hey! You two brats had better stay away from the Weather Institute!

    Mary-Sue: its teem aqwa

    Kenta: No, it's Team MAGMA.

    Mary-Sue: sry i got usd 2 sayig aqwa

    Team Magma Guy: Team Aqua sucks! We're much cooler than them, what with our cultist hooded uniforms with the artificial horns sticking out . . . anyway, don't go near that Weather Institute.

    Kenta: Um . . . we heard you the first time.

    Team Magma Guy: But you're still near it!

    Kenta: Well you are kinda blocking the bridge and keeping us from going past!

    Team Magma Guy: I have to make sure nobody gets in from this direction.

    Kenta: And it never occurred to you that someone might come up from the other side?

    Team Magma Guy: It did, but you know what Maxie says . . . I just can't be arsed.

    Kenta: (This guy's pissing me off. I know, just for spite, let's go into the Weather Institute even though he told us not to!)

    Mary-Sue: (ya)

    Team Magma Guy: (To himself) I'm just going to stand here looking the other way, because I know those kids won't dare go into there when I just told them not to, even if only to dry off. Yuk-yuk-yuk, I'm so intimidating!

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: I can't believe it took us five whole minutes to walk twenty feet from the bridge to the door of this building.

    Random Kid: hay wat r u big kidz doig her teem magas taked ovr

    Kenta: Hey, this kid's got The Voice! Why don't you run all of the Magmas out of here with your god-invincible Poke'Mon?

    Random Kid: i dont hav no pokmn

    Kenta: Ah. Crap. Well then, guess we'll have to run right into their midst like suicidal morons and get gang-mugged.

    Magma #1: Oh, you don't have to worry about that. We of Team Magma believe that attacking strangers one at a time with our weak little lower-evolution Poke'Mon is much more efficient!

    Kenta: *As he and Mary-Sue widen their Poke'Balls* Really? I love this policy!

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Woo-hoo! My Vigoroth evolved into Slaking!

    Mary-Sue: but hes blokig teh stares

    Kenta: What? You mean we've gotta move him?!

    *Five hours later*

    Kenta: *Huff, huff, huff* I think . . . we finally . . . got an opening.

    Mary-Sue: u coud hav just recald him in2 ur pokball

    Kenta: I-! . . . okay, moving swiftly along, let's go up to the second floor already!

    *Kenta and Mary-Sue run up the stairs and are greeted by the sight of about a dozen Team Magma members typing away at desktop computers, while one Magma Admin is standing in the back of the room, holding four employees hostage*

    Magma Admin: Woah, woah, woah, what's this?! How did two little children manage to get past our guards on the bottom floor with their Numels, Poochyenas, and Zubats??

    Kenta: (Gee, I can't imagine how . . .)

    Magma Admin: Get them, team! Destroy those two kids who probably just innocently came in here by accident!

    *The entire Magma force holds up their own hand-signs, which read "Busy: can't be arsed" on them.*

    Kenta: Woah, busy is right! Pornography, pornography . . . MySpace, YouTube . . . more pornography . . . Facebook, BlueOctane forums . . . child pornography . . . are any of these guys even working?

    Brendan: Mary-Sue! Kenta! What took you guys so long??

    Kenta: Brendan?! How the hell did you end up getting tied up with the other employees?

    Brendan: I don't know . . . my Poke'Mon rule! But hurry up and beat this stupid wench already, I'm all stiff and cramped from being tied to these ropes!

    Magma Admin: Who're you calling stupid, stupid? I mauled up your Poke'Mon, didn't I?

    Brendan: And yet you couldn't figure out why you keep making it rain out instead of having the sun shine brightly . . . did you even LOOK at that Castform you've hooked this weather system of yours up to?

    Mary-Sue: wat????????/? this casfom is watr typ

    Kenta: . . . you're joking, right? These people honestly couldn't figure out that because Castform is in rain mode, it would consequently rain outside?

    Magma #14: *The only one who's actually been diligently working the whole time* You mean in sunny mode, Castform could make the sun shine instead?? *Sincerely* Amazing! You're a genius, kid!

    Kenta: No, you're just a complete idiot. This is what people get for joining a retarded gang of criminals rather than just finishing high school. C'mon, Mary-Sue, let's wipe this Magma Admin out.

    Magma Admin: Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! You'll find that I shall not fall so easily! I've got a Mightyena, a Golbat, and a much stronger Numel than the others! Quake with fear at my unstoppable Poke'Mon!

    *Five seconds later*

    Mary-Sue: god job richu

    Kenta: You too, Daisuke. Although really, there was zero challenge here.

    Magma Admin: No way . . . i-impossible . . . how did you-?

    Kenta: Just go away, please. This is embarrassing to have to listen to.

    *End flashback*

    Honestly, how do these teams manage to hold together? They speak and act all serious, yet they're all really just a bunch of deer-in-the-headlights looking dimwits. Anyway, the Magmas all took off in terror of Mary-Sue's overgrown rat and my genetically-modified cicada, and then we untied all of the grateful Weather Institute workers. They offered us the Castform as a reward for saving them, but I refused, since Castform isn't much of a Poke'Mon. Well, that and the fact that they needed Castform to complete whatever research they had going on. I untied Brendan last just to piss him off.

    *Flashback*

    Brendan: I can't believe it took you five hours to get to the second floor just because your new Slaking was blocking the stairs and you were too dumb to recall it!

    Kenta: I can't believe you lost to those braindead crack-heads who were too busy looking up porn on the Internet to even realize the water Castform was the reason it was raining!

    Brendan: You're as stupid as they are!

    Kenta: You're even weaker than they are!

    Brendan: Ooh, that DOES it! You are goin' down! Poke'Mon battle!

    Kenta: Come on, ya pansy!

    *Five minutes later*

    Brendan: Noooooo! My Shroomish, Numel, and Marshtomp lost to your Combusken, Gardevoir, and Slaking! I can't decipher how that could've happened!

    Kenta: You've been around those Magmas too long.

    Mary-Sue: ya dont u hav somtin 4 us

    Brendan: Oh, yeah. Here, have this HM02 Fly, which you'll probably never use since you've already got a flying Articuno.

    Kenta: Wow, thanks dude!

    Brendan: Uh-huh. Well, I'm off to Fortree City to heal up my Poke'Mon and then take on Winona the Flying-type gym leader. I couldn't beat you or even the Magma Admin that lost to you, but I still have complete confidence that I'll knock the stuffing out of her! 'Later dude!

    Mary-Sue: hes goin 2 los

    Kenta: He can sure think positively though, I'll give him that. Anyway, let's get going before the Weather Institute causes a second Hurricane Katrina.

    *End flashback*

    You may think I'm writing this from Fortree City right now, but I'm actually at the edge of some stream, fishing. I found out that I couldn't use my Good Rod as a sword after all, so I'm making due with using it as it was supposed to be used instead. Fishing's as boring as hell, and- oh crap, the rod's jerking, I gotta go!

    -Kenta

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    *** Chapter 18: The Least Funny Chapter In The Story ***

    Dear Diary:

    Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Noah Shett?), and today I found one of the few people in this world who has more experience with The Voice than I do. But wow . . . he had a whole buttload more than me! Well, here's what I mean by that . . .

    *Flashback*

    Mary-Sue: how much logner r u gona kep fishig

    Kenta: Until I finally hook something! This darn Good Rod . . . I'm not used to having to press the "A" button every time I get a bite!

    Mary-Sue: wat???????????????????????????

    Kenta: *Points to a little button on the Good Rod with the letter "A" carved into it*

    Mary-Sue: wel im goin ahed teh next towns fotre city n ther r treehoses their

    Kenta: *Completely oblivious, just got a bite* That's nice, seeya later- ah! I've got you now, you slippery little pipsqueak . . . oop, time to press the "A" button again. Another tug- "A" button!

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: *Slouched over, dark shades under his eyes* "A" button . . . "A" button . . .

    Silhouette: Must be one heck of a whopper you've got there, stranger. Keep tugging, you've almost got it.

    Kenta: Ah? You're not Mary-Sue!

    Silhouette: Mary-Sue? (Hmm . . .) Concentrate! After all the work you've put into it, your prize will certainly be rewarding if you hang in there a little bit longer.

    Kenta: Really? *Pulls up* GOT IT!

    Feebas: Ooger-krooger . . .

    Kenta: Waaaaaaaaaah! It's contaminated!

    Silhouette: ^_^ No, no, that's how Feebas are supposed to look. I'd advise you capture it- having a Milotic later on will serve your team extraordinarily well.

    Kenta: This ugly thing? Well . . . okay. I don't want to knock it out then . . . what'll I do?

    *End flashback*

    All of my Poke'Mon would have wiped out that Feebas in one blow. So I ended up just hitting it on the head with the hilt of my sword. Then I caught the fish in a Poke'Ball with no trouble whatsoever. Seems to me like this was the biggest waste of a perfectly good Poke'Ball I've ever made. Oh well. I caught my cat food, and afterwards the stranger took the time to talk to me. God knows why . . . turns out he was riding a Lapras, while I was some kid pulling up an ugly fish. I had no idea what he could have wanted of me.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Woah! Lapras!

    Silhouette: Beautiful, isn't she? I see Alora is hesitant to get close to you, though. I'm sorry, usually she's warmer than this around people.

    Kenta: I guess . . . how long did it take you to catch her?

    Silhouette: Well . . . I wouldn't call it "catching" her, but about as long as it took you to get your Feebas. You seem more interested in my Poke'Mon than your own recently-acquired one.

    Kenta: Can you blame me? I only caught it to make this fishing worthwhile. Seriously though, what am I going to do with a weak, ugly little anchovy?

    Silhouette: That's a bit harsh, don't you think?

    Kenta: I guess . . . but with all these godmod Poke'Mon around nowadays, I can't really afford to have less than second-evolution Poke'Mon.

    Silhouette: Godmod? Where did you hear this terminology, stranger?

    Kenta: It's a long story. Never mind. Oh, and my name's Kenta by the way. I'm surprised you didn't refer to the script for that.

    Silhouette: Oh, I knew about that, but I was waiting for you to introduce yourself. Rather hypocritical of me though, isn't it, that I haven't done the same. My name's Bob.

    Kenta: Bob?

    "Bob": You were expecting something fantastic from a man who's got a Lapras? I assure you, just like with your Feebas, people can start off low and still change dramatically. One day it will be a beautiful Milotic, but you'll remember that it was a Feebas first.

    Kenta: My friend Mary-Sue didn't start off an amateur. She had two legendary Poke'Mon and three other strong ones from the get-go.

    "Bob": I take it she has The Voice?

    Kenta: Yeah. How did you know about that?

    "Bob": You're surprised? It's getting to be common knowledge nowadays. More and more frequently, cloak-wearing trainers are coming out of nowhere with third-evolution Poke'Mon by the time they've won their second badges. I'm not talking Beautifly and Dustox here. I mean creatures like Flygon and Charizard.

    Kenta: Charizard don't even inhabit this region!

    "Bob": Apparently they do now. However, the only people that have them are trainers with The Voice. And that's not all- like your friend, they've also got legendary Poke'Mon as part of their team. Have you ever viewed the sight of two cloaked girls pitting their Mew against each other?

    Kenta: Are you BSing me??? There's only one Mew! And nobody's ever caught it!

    "Bob": I don't see any gain from lying to you about something like this. I've seen incredible things, Kenta. Rayquaza versus Lugia, Palkia up against Groudon, even Jirachi versus Celebi. Do you understand where I'm coming from? This goes a lot further than ten-year-old greenhorns with Aerodactyl!

    Kenta: Holy . . . holy @#$% . . .

    "Bob": This would be fine and dandy if it weren't for the fact that not all trainers with The Voice are good. In fact, most of them are terribly irresponsible and attack their foes at full force without regard to their surroundings, or how badly anyone involved could be injured. And can you imagine the devastation an evil man with The Voice could create?

    Kenta: Well we could always have other good people with The Voice team up-

    "Bob": Pitting trainers with The Voice against each other is like trying to put out a bonfire with gasoline. Chaos is inevitable, Kenta. You're aware of the human ego, aren't you? Everyone wants glory. No matter how long it may take, eventually someone will seek to rise above the others. This was difficult enough to restrain before, when everyone was at least in the same league of power. But now we've got gym leaders- qualified, certified gym leaders- losing battles in two or three hits! Think what may happen when someone with The Voice challenges the Elite Four, and then the current Champion! As soon as the first one paves the way, the rest will follow in a swarm. Then we'll end up having only two classes of people: Poke'Mon masters with ultimate, unstoppable power, and average trainers, who may as well be slaves to them all.

    Kenta: Oh no! It's just like with the United States government, where all the greedy rich basterds are getting richer, and everyone else is struggling to make ends meet!

    "Bob": However, this time it isn't Bush's fault. This time it's much worse. Everything will be blown out of proportion. It will no longer matter whether you've got a Dragonite or a Rattata, or whether it's level 100 or level 2! All that matters will be whether you have The Voice or not. Battles won't be competitive. Fights between normal people will be too small to ever matter again, and fights between trainers with The Voice will be inconclusive.

    Kenta: That's not true! Mary-Sue beat Ash in a Poke'Mon battle!

    "Bob": Did she, really? Did Ash lose all of his Poke'Mon?

    Kenta: Well . . . no, his Pikachu (the little basterd!) was still on the field, in very weak condition.

    "Bob": Ash didn't lose then. All Ash would have had to do would be to give his Pikachu a fifteen-second pep talk, and it would be as good as new. If that battle hadn't been interrupted, it would've gone on forever.

    Kenta: But . . . but . . . I beat a kid with The Voice once! I remember Mary-Sue telling me that, as one of the first things I heard when I woke up in the hospital! My Shedinja wiped the floor with his Zigzagoon!

    "Bob": Did you actually witness the Zigzagoon fainting?

    Kenta: Uh . . . no, I got knocked out before that . . . but Mary-Sue told me I beat it!

    "Bob": Do you know what a coiled spring looks like, Kenta?

    Kenta: Yeah.

    "Bob": Picture one now, in your hand. Pretend there's a cement wall in front of you. What happens if you try to push that coiled spring in all the way?

    Kenta: Well, it'd go easy at first . . . what does this have to do with the matter at hand?

    "Bob": You'll see in a second. And you're right, the spring would squash into itself without much trouble in the beginning. But then as you continued to push, it would put up more and more resistance. Right?

    Kenta: Yeah . . .

    "Bob": You might be able to miraculously defeat a few godmod Poke'Mon thrown at you by trainers with The Voice, but as they lose more Poke'Mon, their remaining Poke'Mon suddenly gain a lot more endurance. Just when you think you might actually be able to beat them, they'll become almost invincible. I know. I've fought them. This has become my profession.

    Kenta: Can you beat them, Bob?

    "Bob": Theoretically, it can be done. Alora here knows Perish Song, which automatically faints any Poke'Mon affected by it if they remain on the field for three turns in a row. Direct attacks have minimal effect on godmod Poke'Mon, but indirect ones happen to be their weak point. It is a perilous feat, though.

    Kenta: Woah . . .

    "Bob": Well, I'd better be off. My daughter's at the Mimic Circle, and she'll be wondering where I am.

    Kenta: (Could that be-?)

    "Bob": I asked her not to go, since you never know what some pervy people might "force" her to mimic, but she insisted on trying it out anyway- huh?

    Kenta: *Sprinting away, almost a quarter of a mile into the distance* Yeah, freaky people huh? Well, pleasure to meet you Bob, I gotta go now!

    *End Flashback*

    Little by little, I'm getting the idea that Anti-Sue isn't just a demented freak, but she may actually have been on to something. From how Bob put it, the presence of people with The Voice and godmod Poke'Mon really does seem like a threat, and I'm starting to wonder which side I belong with. How I wish I could just get back to being blissfully ignorant of all this . . . oh well, to Fortree City I go. Maybe a nice gym battle will distract me.

    Until the next entry,
    -Kenta

  19. #19
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    *** Chapter 19: Yeahhhh . . . Real Elegant ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting the Dali Lama?), and I thought I'd be fighting Winona's gym today. Wrong-o . . . as I soon found out, there were a few complications to take care of. I found Brendan just a few yards away from the Fortree City gym, on his knees and yelling profanities to the high heavens. My first impression was that he must have somehow dropped another boulder on his foot.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Brendan? What happened to you . . . is that black-and-blue little thing your Marshtomp?

    Brendan: K-Kenta! Uh-! Go away, I'm busy cussing right now!

    Kenta: Why, just because you feel like it? . . . or did Winona pound the crap out of your Poke'Mon?

    *A little green gecko-thingy suddenly flashes into sight for a moment and kicks Brendan in the back of his head, making him crash face-first into the ground and form a crater the size of his head in the earth. The gecko-thingy disappears*

    Kenta: What the hell-?

    Brendan: mat mibble baffer! (Translation: That little basterd!)

    Kenta: *Lightbulb* So you didn't lose to Winona . . . you just plain lost to this Kecleon!

    Brendan: It's not what you think! He cheats! He keeps doing his little chameleon-blend invisibility trick and beating us up before we're even able to step forward.

    Kenta: . . . it's a level 30 Kecleon. I can't believe one Poke'Mon is holding up your entire team.

    Brendan: All right then, mister smart guy, let's see you get by him.

    Kenta: With pleasure. Mokushi no jutsu! The art of sight!

    Brendan: Oh right, like you really have the byakugan . . .

    *Five minutes later*

    Brendan: Ready to call it quits yet?

    Kenta: *All battered up on the ground* Urgh . . . make him quit stabbing my butt with my own sword . . .

    *Five minutes later, on the other side of Fortree City*

    Mary-Sue: hi ketna n bredan

    Kenta: Hey Mary-Sue . . . did you get your badge?

    Mary-Sue: ya

    Kenta & Brendan: WHAT?! How'd you get past that Kecleon??

    Mary-Sue: i jumpd over it

    Kenta: . . . you did? Crap. We tried that too, but I guess you must have caught him while he was napping.

    Gabby: Ooh, fantastic! Brilliant scoop! "Kecleon-ed: Two Stupid Boys Get Clobbered By Kecleon"!

    Brendan: Wha-? How long have you been following us?

    Ty: Long enough. Your delightful incompetence will keep the viewers hooked for sure!

    Kenta: Damn it, will you creepy stalkers just quit broadcasting our personal lives to the world already?

    Gabby: Sorry, your antics put food on the table for us at night.

    Kenta: Well we're not going to put up with this anymore! Right, Brendan? . . . Brendan?

    Brendan: (Off in the distance) I'll be back later! I just have this strange feeling that someone will miraculously come to our aid, and he's a little further ahead! In the meantime, kick those newscasters' asses for me, will ya?

    Mary-Sue: he alwys maks us do al his wokr

    Kenta: Aw, that's okay. I've been looking for someone to fight for a while, anyway.

    Ty: This time we'll win for sure . . . I've got a Magneton! And Gabby has an Exploud!

    Mary-Sue: go artuno

    Kenta: Combusken! Let's get that big-mouth! Er, the Exploud, not Gabby.

    *Five minutes later*

    Brendan: Hey guys, I'm back! I met Steven again, and he gave me this- huh?

    Kenta: RAUGHHHH! BLAZE KICK!

    *Brendan only sees a flash of fire, followed by Gabby and Ty being thrown off into the ionosphere*

    Kenta: Woo-hoo! Now it's Winona's turn. We're gonna rock that gym!

    Brendan: Blaziken? Are you freakin' serious? He has a Blaziken now?

    Blaziken: (Translation: ) Oh yeah! You are really @#$%ed now!

    *Five minutes later*

    Winona: *On the ground, cleaning the floor with a rag* Bad Skarmory! Very bad! What have I told you about using the newspaper? You use the newspaper when you have to do that!

    Brendan: *Deep in discussion with Kenta* Yeah, and she's even stronger than Falkner! Flying-type gym leaders pride themselves in elegance, and-

    *Kenta, Brendan, and Mary-Sue all stop, being greeted by the sight of Winona cleaning a rather large pile of bird droppings off the floor with a rag*

    Kenta: Yeahhhh . . . real elegant.

    Winona: Th-that was only a bad first impression! How'd you kids get past that Kecleon outside?

    Kenta: *Shrug* We jumped over it. Except for Brendan, who stepped on it.

    Brendan: Maybe it was an accident, but after all that Kecleon did, he had that coming.

    Winona: (I knew I should've posted a guard Poke'Mon that wasn't a measly two feet tall . . .) All right then, since you've gotten this far, which one of you would like to lose to me first?

    Brendan: I would! Uh . . . hey, wait, that wasn't fair!

    Kenta: Forgive him, he's not too bright . . . I'll go first.

    Brendan: Like hell you will!

    Kenta: Precisely. Now that I've got Blaziken, it's going to be exactly like Hell in here.

    *End flashback*

    Remember how I said I thought I'd be fighting Winona today? Well, as it turns out, the complications didn't end with Kecleon. Winona and I were just taking our places on opposite sides of the battlefield when a sudden burst of debris showered down from the roof. Then through the hole came my two least favorite people in the world. No, it wasn't Barney and Pikachu, it was-

    *Flashback*

    Mary-Sue: o no loros n kara

    Leros: *Sliding down a dangling rope from the roof* hahahahahahahaha wer teem aqwa

    Kaira: ya giv us all ur pokmon

    Kenta: Ugh . . . deja vu. These little things get old so fast.

    Brendan: Are you people mad?! You don't just blow up the roof of a gym and charge in like that!

    Leros: we do watevr we wan brat

    Kaira: u all doomd bowdown 2 r mite

    Winona: Um . . . excuse me . . . *points down*

    Kaira: huh *Realizes she's landed in bird droppings* u punx

    Kenta: Retarded as ever, I see. Well then, let's get this thing over wi-

    Winona: *Dialing her cell phone* Hello, police? This is Winona. I'm in Fortree City Gym right now, and two rogues just burst into my battlefield through the roof. They're armed and dangerous, so please bring in the SWAT Team, will you?

    Leros: teh swat teem???????????????????????????????????

    Kenta: I suggest you guys leave. Like, now. Those guys tend to have really big guns.

    Kaira: well nevr surender go cradant

    Leros: go mityena

    Brendan: Double team, Kenta?

    Kenta: I thought you'd never ask. Although I don't think you've got much of a chance against these Poke'Mon.

    Brendan: Screw you! Let's go, Breloom!

    Kaira: o no u dont go gardos

    Leros: i chos tyrantar

    Mary-Sue: want 2 teem up winoa

    Winona: You take the Gyarados. I'll go after the Tyranitar! Let's show these punks what flying-type Poke'Mon are capable of, Skarmory!

    *Five minutes later*

    Winona: Un . . . unbelievable . . .

    Brendan: What a surprise. I lost.

    Kenta: Come on, Blaziken, give it just a little bit more . . .

    Mary-Sue: nic job espon

    *The gym doors bang open and the SWAT Team swarms in with their guns doing the little click-click noises*

    SWAT Team #1: Don't move! You're under- huh?

    SWAT Team #2: Aw gawd, don't tell me we have to go through all these friggin' rotating doors . . .

    SWAT Team #3: Never mind that! Let's just kick them all down! We kick everything down anyway.

    SWAT Team #4: Yee-haw! I love kicking down doors!

    Bird Tamer: Challengers! All right! Let's battle!

    SWAT Team #5: Stand down boy, or we'll take you into custody too.

    Bird Tamer: G-gah! Y-y-yes sir! Carry on! (. . . you stupid prick.)

    SWAT Team #5: (Hey, Mason, arrest that kid over there on the way out. I heard him call me a prick.)

    SWAT Team #6: Yeah, and arrest that guy with the Breloom as well! He has stupid hair.

    SWAT Team Boss: Never mind the minors, men. Let's just do what we came here to do!

    Kenta: Yay! The SWAT Team is here! . . . and it looks like they're making even more a mess of this gym than the Aquas did.

    Brendan: See, this is why nobody calls the cops in most animes. From now on, we take the law into our own hands.

    Winona: All right, all right, point taken!

    *Five minutes later*

    Leros: u cant handcuf me im from teem aqwa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111 1

    Kaira: let go u jerks

    SWAT Team #2: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do or say will be held against you. You have the . . . blah, blah, blah, blah . . .

    Kenta: *Putting on a Leros mask* "And I would've gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for you rotten kids!"

    Brendan: That phrase is used waaaaaaaaaaay too much.

    Kenta: Well, that's kinda why I did it. That got drilled into my brain after a while. But anyway, getting back to the present . . . shall we battle now, Winona?

    Winona: Are you kidding me? Look at this gym, it's a disaster area! There's broken glass everywhere, and chunks of cement are still falling from the ceiling!

    Kenta: Ah, heh-heh-heh . . . yeah, we seem to be destroying a lot of gyms lately, eh?

    Mary-Sue: ya

    Winona: Come back tomorrow. As of now, the gym is closed for renovations. And those SWAT guys are probably going to want me to answer a thousand questions now.

    Kenta: Pffft . . . fine.

    *End flashback*

    So tomorrow's the big day. Just when I thought Leros and Kaira were gone, they come rampaging back into the picture. Oh well . . . when you have a bad day, usually that means the next one can only be better. C'mon, it has to be, I'm going into my next match with Blaziken!

    Fingers hurt from writing,
    -Kenta

  20. #20
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    *** Chapter 20: Bad Luck ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Frosty the Snowman?), and you know what? People I've met along my journey are starting to come back and haunt me. Just one showed up early on in the day, but a bit later they all came in a wave. And as you can probably predict, these are NOT people I care to be re-acquainted with.

    *Flashback*

    *Scene opens with Kenta sitting up in his bunkbed at the Poke'Mon Center. He bangs his head off the top bunk, yells out a few profanities, then gets a hold of himself.*

    Kenta: Today's the big day! Uh . . . I said that yesterday, but this time I'm really sure! Let's go kick Winona's- hey, where's Brendan?

    Mary-Sue: (Top bunk) i dont no

    Kenta: I thought he was sleeping just outside the window . . . ever notice how NOBODY ever seems to sleep in this RPG?

    Mary-Sue: slepigs borin lets fite winona

    Kenta: I, uh . . . guess we're not having breakfast again. Or lunch. Or supper. No sleep, no food . . . you know what, sometimes I wonder why I'm still even alive.

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Knock-knock! Hey Winona, I'm back! Do you have some nachos or something? I'm hungry.

    Winona: Gaaaaaah! Somebody's been in the badge supply! I'm down one flying-badge-thingy . . . whatever they're named.

    Kenta: It's times like these that you really gotta tsk-tsk the author for being so damn lazy as to not remember what things are called.

    Mary-Sue: somon stol ur bages????????????????????????????????????????????? ??

    Kenta: You've still got some left, right?

    Winona: Yes, but-

    Kenta: Then it's not my problem! Let's battle!

    Winona: (Lousy Aquas, wrecking my gym so that any little thief can loot and pillage my stuff . . . anyone could just stroll on in now.) Fine, if you're so anxious for pain, I'll let my Pelliper start things off!

    *End flashback*

    What happened next caught me completely off-guard. As soon as that Pelliper had materialized out of the Poke'Ball, something big and dark flew through a hole in the wall that used to be a window and brought Pelliper down straight out of the air. I hadn't even released Gardevoir yet.

    *Flashback*

    Winona: Hey! What the @#$% are you doing to my Poke'Mon?!

    Britany: *Chewing on Pelliper's tail feathers* I'VE GOT YOU, PEEKO! I finally caught you! No more messing with stoves, microwaves, cooking pots or frying pans, I'm having me some bird meat now!

    Pelliper: *Flapping desperately* Brawk! Brawk!

    Kenta: Not again . . . Mr. Britany, will you kindly stop trying to eat my opponent?

    Britany: *Mouth full* Muh? Mooh meem miff mivmph meebo?

    Kenta: No! That isn't Peeko! Now spit him out this instant!

    Britany: Aww . . . I'm so hungry . . . *turns and leaves*

    Kenta: So am I, but you don't see me- *Thinks for a moment* Hey, wait a minute . . .

    Winona: Kenta? *As an evil grin spreads over Kenta's face* Why . . . why are you looking at me like that?

    Kenta: *Pulling out a fork and a knife* Oh, I just got this dreamy vision. Of stuffed pelican on the Thanksgiving table. It just makes me water at the mouth.

    Mary-Sue: ketna wat r u sayig thaksgivigs ovr

    Kenta: I'm saying I COULD just win this battle by beating up her Poke'Mon. Or . . . rather than beat them up, I could eat them u-

    Winona: Not you too! Don't you dare eat my Pelliper!

    Kenta: *Drooling, wearing a bib around his neck with a roasted Pelliper image on it* It's that or a badge, lady!

    Winona: Y-you won't d-do it, I know you won't d-do it . . .

    *Five minutes later, at the hospital*

    Kenta: I seem to wind up here a lot these days . . .

    Nurse: We've just received the gym leader's request, doctor. She wishes for you to surgically remove her Poke'Mon from this boy's stomach.

    Mary-Sue: i cant beliv u reely did it

    Kenta: And I can't believe that Pelliper's still alive. I thought the acid wouldn't taken care of him by now.

    Doctor: Hey, who's paying for this operation?

    Nurse: The gym leader said to charge the bill to the boy's credit.

    Kenta: What?! @#$% that! I'll stick my finger down my throat first! Ga-aaack!

    Doctor: *Repulsed* Oh-! OH!

    *Five minutes later, back on the road*

    Kenta: I'm hungry again . . .

    Mary-Sue: At lest u got a bage

    Kenta: That's only because I threatened to swallow Winona's Pelliper again if she didn't give me one. And I would've done it, too. I'll tell you one thing though, Mr. Britany's combined hunger and lack of brains really helped out a lot this time.

    Mary-Sue: ya woa omg a absol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!

    Kenta: Huh? Oh. Cranky-looking bugger, isn't he?

    Mary-Sue: absols giv pepl bad luk who see dem wer in big trobl

    Kenta: He'd give me bad luck?! What'd I ever do to him?

    Mary-Sue: u jus cald him a craky lokig buger

    Kenta: I did? Oh, I did. I wonder if heard me?

    *A double-decker tourist bus comes along the road and the tour guide lady waves her hand in Kenta's direction.*

    Tour Guide Lady: And if you look to your left, you'll see the living flesh description of the guy you all told me you hated so much . . . right over there!

    Kenta: *As he notices all the people on board the bus* Uh-oh.

    Random Kid: hey ur tat jerk hoo beeted up my zigzoon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    Leros: wer teem aqwa

    Kaira: ya giv us all ur pokmon

    Wally's Guardian: You're that foul-mouthed boy from before! Just you wait, I'm going to stop this bus, come out, and bichslap you all the way back to Littleroot Town!

    Old Fart: Huff-puff, hi Kenta! Let's reminisce for hours about that time we had back at my house while I finish eating this can of baked beans, huff-puff! *Brrt!*

    Ultima Weapon: Ice cream . . . or death . . .

    Maxie: There you are! You're that brat who shoved me off the volcano . . . how about I throw YOU into one, huh? Just you wait, I'm gonna set my goons on you as soon as I've recharged my cell phone!

    Old Ladies From The Hot Spring: Hey, sweetie! *Blow kisses at Kenta*

    Satan: Ten proteins, Kenta! Ten proteins!

    Anti-Sue: Hello, fools.

    Bus Driver: Oh crap, I think we just blew a tire . . . I'm gonna have to pull over.

    *Absol smirks*

    Kenta: MOTHER FU-

    Mary-Sue: run ketna!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Kenta: *Pointing back at Absol as he's running* You're dead for this, you asswipe! Y' hear?! I know where you live!!

    *Five minutes later*

    Mary-Sue: r ne of tem stil folowig us

    Kenta: *huff, huff, huff* Uh . . . *looks behind him* Just Wally's guardian now.

    Wally's Guardian: Come here and take your medicine!

    Kenta: Gah! Where'd he get that croquet mallet from?!

    Mary-Sue: thers a bildin up ahed lets hid in ther

    *End flashback*

    We ran into the building and right past the staff at the far desk, who yelled back to us about something. "Money," "Safari Zone," and "shotgun" or whatever. It seems like everyone's after our skin nowadays; why? One thing's for sure though, we're making excellent progress from all this running.

    Still running as I write this,
    -Kenta

  21. #21
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    Oct 2006
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    *** Chapter 21: Brendan, What Are You DOING Here?! ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting I.P. Freely?), and I'm writing with my left hand again today. No, I did not get shot in the arm by the Safari faculty, but it did get its share of abuse. If somebody were ever to read you, I'd tell them to cherish their arms and not shove them into meat grinders, heavy machinery, etc . . . because it's REALLY inconvenient being a lefty. Except for you people out there who are naturally left-handed.

    *Flashback*

    Feebas: Ooger-krooger! *Snatches a Poke'Block out of the Safari Zone feeder*

    Kenta: Doggonit, that's the tenth time she's done that! Bad Feebas! Very bad!

    Mary-Sue: ketna u shodnt be steelig frm teh fedrs theyr 4 oter traners 2 lur pokmon wit

    Kenta: It's not my fault . . . ugly fish here keeps popping out of her Poke'Ball and chomping down all the blue ones, every single time we walk past.

    Mary-Sue: wer gon 2 get in trobl

    Kenta: Hah! "Going to"? Look, Mary-Sue, if trouble were an underground cave, by this point we'd be halfway to Hel-

    Sonic: HELLO! Have you guys seen a chaos emerald around here anywhere?

    Kenta: Holy crap in a pita . . . Sonic the Hedgehog! What're you doing here?

    Sonic: Well, this is the Emerald Hill Zone, Act 2, right?

    Kenta: Uh . . . no . . . this is the Safari Zone, Act we're-in-the-@#$%ing-HOENN-REGION!

    Sonic: Is that so? I thought I might've sped through a time warp back there . . . well anyway, if you see a shiny yellow gem of sorts, it's the topaz chaos emerald. I need it to defeat Doctor Eggman, aka Doctor Robotnik, aka Doctor Fatass (I made that one up, he-he-he-he,) and save the world for the trillionth time. Man, where does the Doctor find the money to fund all his twisted little projects?? Well, I guess the same could be asked about Santa Claus . . .

    Kenta: Erm, 'scuse me . . . how could a topaz gem be an emerald? Emeralds are green.

    Sonic: Look, I didn't come up with the names for them, blame the damn producer for that . . .

    Kenta: I feel for you, dude. Poke'Mon's got a pretty stoned producer too-

    Random Kid: hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur tht guy whos febas keps eetin all mi pokbloks im calin the safri zon peeps on u

    Kenta: Uh-oh.

    Mary-Sue: we hav 2 get ot of her

    Kenta: We'll never be able to run fast enough to make it out before they catch us!

    Sonic: AHEM!

    Kenta: . . . oh.

    *End Flashback*

    Sonic took hold of both our arms and shot forward so fast that I thought for sure he'd rip my arm off. But hey, you gotta remember, I'm an anime character. And if you've ever watched animes like Yu-Yu Hakusho, Ranma 1/2, Naruto, Inuyahsa, etc, you'll know that humans are the most durable things on the screen. Buildings may collapse, trees may uproot, and concrete floors might break, but the people are always somehow perfectly intact.
    Now, this isn't to say I didn't get injured. That would be asking too much. I spent the next twenty minutes of my day at the Lilycove chiropractor's office, where Sonic took delight in telling me stories of all the races he'd ever been in.

    *Flashback*

    Sonic: - And so then he said, "Run, run, as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!" Boy, that was a big mistake on his part.

    Mary-Sue: i thot a fox at him

    Sonic: Yeah, a fox did end up eating him. And Tails told me later on that his feet didn't taste very good.

    Kenta: Well he had been running for miles, hadn't- OUCH!

    Chiropractor: Okay, I think that did it. How does it feel now?

    Kenta: Oh! Uh . . . much better.

    Chiropractor: Great! That'll be $200, please.

    Kenta: WHAT?! Hey Sonic, since you did this to me, I think you should chip in a- Sonic? *Turns to face an empty chair* Oh, is that how it is? Well, FINE! Nintendo kicks Sega's arse any day, so there!

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Running out on me so he doesn't have to cough up a few dollars, the cheap little hedge-pig . . .

    Mary-Sue: wel he did sav r livs n u hav plety of mony frm winin al tos jim batls

    Kenta: Yes, but you need to remember, I'm a greedy little basterd and I've been saving up the moola for something anyway.

    Mary-Sue: wat somtin

    Kenta: It's here, in the Lilycove Department Store! I read about it in a magazine once. And we'll be able to buy it as soon as- *catches sight of someone and groans* -Brendan stops blocking the door . . . Brendan, what are you doing there?

    Brendan: Huh? Oh, hi Kenta, Mary-Sue. I just felt like standing here for a while.

    Kenta: Did it ever occur to you that someone might come out the double-doors behind you and plow you into the ground?

    Brendan: Oh please, what are the odds of that? Everyone's too busy shopping at Wal-Mart. I've stood here for hours now, and nobody's come out yet.

    Kenta: . . . do you have any life whatsoever?

    Brendan: *Indignantly* Yes, I do! I'm a daredevil . . . unlike you, I didn't have to earn my Feather Badge. *Holds up the Feather Badge* I just stole it when Winona wasn't looking.

    Mary-Sue: so ti was u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!11111111

    Kenta: Pfft. I didn't have to earn my badge either. All I had to do was eat her Pelliper and force her to make a trade-off.

    Brendan: . . . you're disgusting!

    Kenta: You're a sissy!

    Brendan: Am not! Poke'Mon battle!

    Kenta: Wait, hold on a minute.

    *End flashback*

    Before Brendan could protest, I rushed past him into the department store, traveled straight up to the 4th floor and purchased Slaking's unstoppable weapon, along with a couple other TMs. When we finally did get to battling, I just about blew Brendan's face off with Slaking's Hyper Beam. It sure was nice to have the beam pointed in someone else's direction for a change. When Brendan's last Poke'Mon was defeated, injury was added to insult. By that, I mean a lady with a shopping cart burst out of the doors, knocked Brendan down, then ran him over with the shopping cart. It was fully loaded, too. I'd probably have felt more sorry for the dimwit if I hadn't warned him about it already.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Had enough, or ya thirsty for more?

    Brendan: Mmp, mmm-mmr-mrgph, ma-mrorm?! ("Why am I always the one who ends up kissing the ground!?")

    Kenta: Seriously, Brendan, that battle really sucked. I think you need start using other Poke'Mon than just Swellow, Breloom, Camerupt and Marshtomp. Otherwise you'll never get to the Poke'Mon league.

    (*Author's note: Yes, I realize he was supposed to just have Shroomish and Numel, but come on . . . how could he have even beaten Norman with just those?)

    Brendan: I could always just keep stealing badges from gyms like I've been doing, right?

    Kenta: You might somehow get past Liza and Tate for the Mind Badge, but I doubt you'll ever be able to swipe the Rain Badge. That's the last key to the Poke'Mon League; it'll easily be the most guarded one. But even then, how do you ever plan on beating the League if you can't even beat me?

    *End flashback*

    Brendan didn't say anything, but glanced very suddenly at Mary-Sue and rushed off. I've got no idea what that's about, but I don't think it really matters now. What does matter is that I was just starting to write in this diary when a news announcement came on, discussing how the bay was blocked by some stupid jerk's pack of Wailmer. I was still watching when a trainer in the water appeared on the screen, trying to pass the wall of Wailmer on his Poke'Mon. When he couldn't push by, he captured one of them and made a temporary hole. If I'd known that there was no gym in this city, I would have taken advantage of that gap, but by the time I found out, it had been filled again by another Wailmer. I don't know what's up with all these Wailmer all of a sudden, but I'm starting to think that there might not be a way to go on any further for as long as they're there. I suppose I COULD just pound my way through, or have Mary-Sue fly us to the next city, but you know what this RPG is like . . . you can't do crap if it doesn't want you to.

    Still wondering what the next move should be,
    -Kenta

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    *** Chapter 22: Involved In Their Twisted Little Prophecy ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting the Bill Clinton?), and if you'll recall, a week or so back I met Anti-Sue for the first time. Before she completely revealed her godmod-hating extremist side, she got on to telling me something about how Mary-Sue was some "Chosen One" of all people with The Voice. Hmm, Chosen One, where have I heard that before-? Oh yeah, Ash was the Chosen One for Revelation Lugia, Homer Simpson was the Chosen One for the Stonecutter's Club, Anakin Skywalker was the Chosen One for beating up those Sith pricks, Harry Potter was the Chosen One for taking down that whacked-out nut job, Voldemort . . . just how many @#$%ing Chosen Ones ARE there anyway?! But getting back on subject, the reason I'm harping about this now is because of a little incident we had in the Lilycove Trainer's Club . . .

    *Flashback*

    Mary-Sue: y r we stoppin agan

    Kenta: Because we're stuck here in this stupid city and have absolutely no idea where to go now. I figured a trainer's club would be a fairly intelligent place to go, since the people there are bound to have some smarts about what to do-

    Random Kid #1: *As Kenta's opening the door to the club* omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its marysu

    Random Kid #2: reely????????????????????????????????????????????? ???//////////

    Random Kid #3: its teh chosne on omgomgomgomg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    All The Other Trainer's Club Residents: ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

    Kenta: *Blinks and revolves on the spot* That does it, we're leaving.

    All The Other Trainer's Club Residents: y????????????????????????????????????????????????? ??????????/

    Kenta: Because right now you're all asserting a very convincing argument that humans evolved from apes. "ooooooo"? Sounded just like a bunch of constipated chimps.

    Random Kid #2: but r savor is heer we r so glad wer not worty

    *End flashback*

    And you know what those cloak-wearing kids did? They all fell on their faces and bowed before Mary-Sue, who just stood there beside me looking all confused. Then #1 grabbed up a chair, and he and #2 lifted Mary-Sue up in it and walked her inside the club. Meanwhile, #3 suddenly vanished into the back of the room, then reappeared with rolled-up paper of some sort in his arms. At first I thought it was toilet paper (hey, when there are residents here named #1 and #2, can you really blame me for impulsively thinking that?), but it turned out to be an ancient scroll. It wasn't yellowed with age or torn up or anything, someone had just written the words "anchint scrol" on it with a crayon, but that's what I had to go by.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Why did you guys just haul Mary-Sue in a chair for ten feet? She could've just walked it.

    Random Kid #2: we mus respeckt the choen on

    Random Kid #3: acordig 2 teh anchint profisy the chosens onewil leed us 2 a new rain fo godmods

    Kenta: Huh? Here, lemme see that. *Rolls the ancient prophecy open, takes about five minutes to read the near-incomprehensible scribbling in it* "It will come to be, in the Year of the Pikachu, that under the protective presence of the Support, the Chosen One will rise to glory. Three giants shall bar the path: the gray, the black, and the white, but the Chosen One shall emerge victorious in the end and reverse the current reality as it is at present." . . . year of the Pikachu?!

    All The Other Trainer's Club Residents: al hale teh chosed on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111

    Mary-Sue: wow am i reely the chosn on

    Kenta: What the hell would you be doing with me if you were? These guys are full of crap, just like Anti-Sue. Except for you having The Voice, we're really just another couple of losers collecting Poke'Mon and badges just because we feel like it.

    Random Kid: #3: ur teh chosen on u hav legindary pokmon n we al no ur nam

    Random Kid #1: and tat guys ur suport *points at Kenta*

    Kenta: Huh? HEY! Don't get me involved in your twisted little prophecy! Look Mary-Sue, if you want to stay here with this pack of gypsy wannabes, fine, but I'm going to find someplace with a computer and print out the walkthrough to this game. Brendan was right, it's better to just cheat and look ahead.

    Random Kid #2: wait dont go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Blocks the door*

    Kenta: What do you think you're doing-? I don't want to play your game of "guess the fate of the world," I just wanna get my seventh badge! Now quit blocking the door.

    Random Kid #2: u cant leev ur the suport 4 r chosen on u hav 2 sta wid marysu

    Kenta: I wasn't always with her before, and things were still just peachy. *Gasps all around* Oh, knock it off! I'm out of here, that's final, and nothing you say is going to convince me to take you seriously.

    Random Kid #3: u hav 2 go 2 mont pyr 2 get ne furtur in ur qwest

    Kenta: *Stops in mid-step* . . . really? I'm not convinced . . . care to explain why?

    Random Kid #3: teem aqwas ther

    Kenta: Isn't that reason to AVOID going?

    Mary-Sue: wait we hav 2 go ther goin 2 steel teh orbs 4 controlin kyogr n grodon

    Kenta: What?! Why did you wait to tell me that, Mary-Sue?

    Mary-Sue: i jus rememmemberd

    Kenta: . . . you just remembered? What kind of a Chosen One forgets stuff like this? And where do you pick it up from anyway?

    Anti-Sue's-Voice-In-Kenta's-Head: God Mod.

    Kenta: Shut up. *Punches himself in the head* Ow!

    Mary-Sue: we hav 2 hury 2 mont pyr

    Kenta: Hold! Not yet . . . I want to know right here and now, who wrote that prophecy? You guys might as well tell me now, because otherwise I'm just going to ask Anti-Sue the next time I meet her anyway. She knows about it too.

    All The Other Trainer's Club Residents: phertop

    Kenta: "Phertop"?

    Random Kid #1: shes liza n tats oldr sistre

    Kenta: What pot-head names their kid "Phertop"?! Well, then again, who names their kid "Tate"?

    Mary-Sue: hury keta we gottago

    Kenta: Hey, at least leave the "n" in my name!

    *Five minutes later*

    *Still at the Trainer's Club scene*

    All The Other Trainer's Club Residents: wow marysu did hur chsen on magick

    *Scene shifts to the peak of Mt. Pyre, where Archie and Maxie each have a toy gun to the other's head, and the Magmas and the Aquas are slapping each other in a compilation of sissy-fights, figuring they'll do more damage to each other that way than by setting their Poke'Mon against one another. Which is probably true.*

    Archie: You'll never take my orb! It's mine, you hear, MINE!

    Maxie: Oh yeah? Let's see how you feel about that when I blow your head to kingdom come! *Pulls the trigger, a flag with the word "Pop!" shoots out. Archie rubs his ear*

    Archie: That hurt, you orb-stealing toilet-kisser! Fine, feel the wrath of my- *Pulls his own trigger* . . . bubbles.

    Maxie: You know what, we're not getting very far with this. If only this weren't a kiddie game, we could get our hands on some REAL lethal weapons.

    Archie: Yep, bummer isn't it . . . so whadda we do now? I'd really like to get my hands on Kyogre.

    Maxie: And me, Groudon. Screw the whole "land expansion" idea, I just want me a Poke'Mon that doesn't die in two hits for once.

    Archie: Me too! Why're we fighting, anyway? You take the red orb, I take the blue orb, we go our separate ways! Sound good?

    Maxie: Excellent, old buddy old pal! Hey everyone, quit slapping each other for a minute and listen up! From this second onward, Team Magma and Team Aqua are friends . . . let's all call ourselves Team Magqua!

    Archie: I like it. Well then, with that resolved, shall we proceed to snatch those orbs from that defenseless old couple? -HEY!

    Kenta: *Hiding an orb he stole behind his back* Uh-oh. They saw us.

    Maxie: It's him again! Everywhere we go, it seems this little punk wants to meddle!

    Archie: And that little girl that's with him . . . she just snatched the other orb, I saw her!

    Kenta: (I told you this was a bad idea, Mary-Sue!)

    Mary-Sue: dont wory lets run frm tem theyl nevr cach us

    *Five minutes later*

    *Kenta and Mary-Sue are tied together, back-to-back, perched at the top of the steps leading down the mountain*

    Kenta: Mmmph, mrmughmrmurrrrgph! *Behind the gag:* I can't believe we had five whole minutes to throw our Poke'Balls and didn't do it!

    Archie: Serves you right for trying to steal what we were stealing!

    Maxie: Gimme those orbs! *Stows them in his backpack* Now you'll get what's been coming to you for weeks!

    Archie: Oh boy! I love kicking people down the stairs!

    Maxie: They're mine, Archie! That brat with the ponytail shoved me off a mountain before . . . now let's see how HE likes it! How I savor this moment!

    Archie: While you're busy savoring the moment, give me those orbs.

    Maxie: Huh? Why?

    Archie: Hey, I should get to hold them, you're the one who gets to kick the kids down the stairs!

    Maxie: Where's your sense of trust, Archie? Whatever happened to Team Magqua?

    Mary-Sue: mughmrmughpmmmp!!!!!!!!!!!!1 (hers wats hapenng 2 tem magqua!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1) *Kicks Maxie in the delicate place*

    Maxie: *Keeling over* ARRRGH! MY-

    Archie: Balls! Get them from him, Aquas!

    Random Aqua: You mean "orbs," right sir?

    Archie: Yes, but the other way sounded funnier.

    *End flashback*

    Maxie was in fetal position by this time, so the red and blue orbs just rolled out of his backpack. The Aquas (Leros and Kaira, to be exact) pounced on them before the Magmas could make a move, and then ever-so-conveniently, an Aqua helicopter just happened to fly down overhead, dropping a rope ladder. The whole of Team Aqua all followed Mary-Sue's example on the Magmas, before climbing up the rope ladder and into the overhead helicopter. Mary-Sue and I were still tied up, but the rope ladder somehow got tangled in my ponytail and Team Aqua lifted off without noticing. Needless to say, I screamed all the way to Slateport City.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: WAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHH- oh, hi Peeko- AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

    *End flashback*

    When the helicopter finally landed, Mary-Sue and I got away undetected, and we hurried to find a way to foil the Aquas' scheme, whatever it was. However, we ended up actually helping them instead. Cap'n Crunch-er, Stern, who was on duty guarding Slateport's one and only submarine, agreed to untie us, and while he wasn't looking, Team Aqua hijacked it. Stern had just cut the last bit of rope binding us when he found out, and for the next whole three minutes, he chased us with his scissors . . . even though I told him running with scissors is bad. I'm writing this entry in the hospital . . . YES, I'm in the hospital AGAIN. Mary-Sue insisted that I go, although the doctors were a bit hesitant to let me in. I guess I can't blame them. I mean, how would you react if you were the doctor in this situation?

    *Flashback*

    Doctor: What seems to be the problem, boy?

    Kenta: Uhhh . . . my hair hurts.

    *End flashback*

    As punishment, they put me in the exact same room as Cap'n Stern, who did, in fact, hurt himself from running with scissors. Well, I told him not to. So far I've been writing to distract myself from the constant harping he's doing at me about how much that submarine cost, what he was going to do to me after his hand heals, what else he was going to do to me if it has to be cut off and he replaced it with a hook, etc. What a grump.

    Stayin' alive,
    -Kenta

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    31

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    *** Chapter 23: Temporary Alliance ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Count Chocula?), and before I go anywhere with my update, I've finally realized how important those orbs really are. Who would've guessed that they had the power to manipulate Kyogre and Groudon? Oh right, we've gotta remember, this is Poke'Mon; most of the round objects in this world have unfathomable power locked away in them. Speaking of unfathomable power, today we met up with the legendary trainer whom Mary-Sue had spoken of . . . Merlin "the Magi" Durai. Mary-Sue and I were just walking out of the hospital that morning . . .

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: They must've wrapped the bandages on my head too tight. I'm seeing double.

    Mary-Sue: ur not sein dobl ist antisu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Anti-Sue: So, what did you think of your prophecy, Chosen One?

    Kenta: Hey, wait, how'd you know we've seen the prophecy? . . . and how'd you find us at this hospital?

    Mysterious Silhouette: Surely you've considered by now, I would hope, that in knowing how much abuse you regularly take, we could naturally expect to find you here, Kenta.

    Kenta: Man, that was a complicated sentence! Which means . . . is that you, Bob?

    Anti-Sue: "Bob"?? This man's no "Bob", he's The Magi! *Proudly* Say hello to Merlin Durai!

    Mary-Sue: helo

    Kenta: Holy crap! (Hey, what's with that dramatic music ‘Kresnik’ playing in the background?)

    Mary-Sue: o no uv com 2 tak me awa havnt u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    Merlin: Not quite, Mary-Sue. While it is true we don't . . . ahem . . . see eye-to-eye on everything, I ask that we push aside our differences for the time being. I am offering you a temporary alliance-

    Mary-Sue: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!111

    Merlin: . . . so that we may work together to keep the balance of the world in check. As you have seen firsthand, Team Aqua has stolen the two orbs necessary for restraining Kyogre and Groudon, and in order to get them back, we must work together-

    Mary-Sue: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!1111111

    Merlin: . . . so that the world as we know it doesn't collapse in upon itself and we don't all die from flooding or a massive draught-

    Mary-Sue: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!

    Merlin: CAN I PLEASE FINISH?! This is very important! We've got six billion lives on the line here!

    Kenta: C'mon, Mary-Sue, let's at least hear him out. If he's against the Aquas, he can’t be a total buttwipe. You were saying?

    Merlin: Er, actually, I was finished. But Mary-Sue's constant repetition was getting on my nerves.

    Anti-Sue: That's The Voice for ya.

    Mary-Sue: i dont trus u u juts want2 tak away my pokmon n put me inthe lab

    Kenta: Where are you getting that paranoid idea from? He hasn't said anything like that!

    Anti-Sue: I have, though. And I stand by it. Mary-Sue's a danger to the Earth.

    Merlin: -But there are more pressing matters at the present that demand our immediate attention. Come, let us fly back to Lilycove. We'll discuss terms as we go.

    *End flashback*

    Some way or another, we all managed to fit on Mary-Sue's Articuno, and Merlin and Anti-Sue unveiled exactly what they had planned for the Aquas. The four of us would infiltrate their base and quietly make our way around in search for the submarine they'd stolen from Slateport. Once we found it, one of us would stow away inside and wait for the Aquas to take it away. Merlin explained that Team Aqua wouldn't just select the first random guys who got into the sub, to pilot it all the way to wherever Kyogre and Groudon slept. No, first they'd get out and stretch their legs (and get all their farting done right then, so they wouldn't be stinking up that cramped little sub later,) then select a small group of mission men to get the job done. That would give us little time in-between to sneak a spy in. That was where Mary-Sue came in. For our own little plan to work, we'd need to cut down the Aqua members holding the Red and Blue orbs. Merlin had anticipated that it would be Leros and Kaira, and the only way to take down someone with The Voice was with someone else who also had The Voice. And who better for the job than the Chosen One? Anyway, we landed right outside the Aquas’ “secret” base, which turned out to be a gigantic cave in a hollowed-out mountain. I had but to look at the Aqua crest on the entrance to know where we were.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: “Welcome to the Aquas’ Super-Secret Hideout. Don’t tell anyone we’re here! Shhh!” . . . how can anyone this stupid still be so organized?

    Merlin: *Whispering* Okay, it’s of utmost importance from here that we keep from being spotted. If even one Aqua sees us, he’ll no doubt raise the alarms and send the whole pack of them on us.

    Anti-Sue: So what? You’re the legendary Magi. What could they hope to do to you?

    Merlin: They could stall for time until the submarine is able to get away from here. We’re pressed for time enough as is-

    Mary-Sue: so letsgo alredy

    Kenta: (Shh, quiet!)

    Aqua #1: *Running around the corner* Huff, huff, huff . . . that’s twenty laps down, fifty left to go! Man, I hate exercising. When are they going to come out with a diet that actually @#$%ing works?

    Kenta: (He’s running laps?)

    Anti-Sue: (Nobody ever comes into this base, what’s he supposed to do to kill time?)

    Merlin: (As soon as he rounds the other corner, let’s make a run for-)

    Mary-Sue: die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 *Attacks Aqua thug with Raichu, frying him on the spot* ok caost is cleer

    Merlin: . . . that works too . . .

    Kenta: Alrighty then . . . what’s that up ahead?

    Merlin: It’s a teleport panel! Liza and Tate recently had their gym robbed, it was in the newspaper. It must’ve been the Aquas who did it, since they’re here now.

    Kenta: So what do we do?

    Anti-Sue: We step on it, duh. And hope to God that there isn’t someone posted on the other end waiting to take on intruders.

    *ZAP!*

    Kenta: *As everyone reappears on the other panel* I surrender! . . . oh. Looks like nobody’s here.

    Merlin: Hold. Look, there’s an Aqua on the floor. But it looks like he’s taking a nap or something . . . wait, he’s passed out! Something’s already attacked him!

    Anti-Sue: Someone beat us to the job?

    Mary-Sue: wasnt me

    Kenta: Obviously. Hey look, there’s two other teleport panels in this room! What now?

    Merlin: Okay, we’d better split up into two teams. Mary-Sue will come with me. Anti-Sue, you go with Kenta.

    Mary-Sue: hey y dont i get 2 b wit ketna

    Anti-Sue: *At the same time* Why do I have to be with this weakling?

    Kenta: Hey!

    Merlin: Both teams need one expert at spying like this, Anti-Sue. I’m the one for my team. You’re the one for your team. Kenta, do exactly what she tells you, no questions.

    Kenta: Are you freaking serious?! This is the same girl that tried to torch my butt off with her Salamence back on the S.S. Sunken!

    Merlin: We don’t have time to argue! World’s at stake, remember?

    Kenta: *Pouting* Fine . . .

    Anti-Sue: Whatever. We’ll take this panel. Godspeed, you two. *Pauses* Get over here, Kenta! Why are you just standing there with that slack-jawed vacant expression on your face?

    Kenta: I’m coming, geez!

    *End flashback*

    If you thought I was the one who’d find the Aqua submarine since I’m the main character, you thought wrong. However, I did manage to come across something even better: the Master Ball! There was a price to pay, though . . .

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: *Burned black* Urgh . . . damn self-destructing Electrodes . . .

    Anti-Sue: Oh, don’t be such a baby.

    Kenta: Easy for you to say. You’re the one who used me as a human shield!

    Anti-Sue: So?

    Kenta: Just for that, I’m going to take this sissy-looking purple ball here and not let you have it.

    Anti-Sue: Oh my god . . . that’s the Master Ball! What’s a crowned jewel of the Poke’Ball collection like that doing in a den of thieves like this?

    Kenta: Well gee, I dunno . . . maybe they STOLE IT? . . . hey, what’s that annoying beeping to the tune of “Gotta Catch ‘Em All”?

    Anti-Sue: Cell phone. It’s from the leader. *Flips open phone* Talk to me, Merlin.

    Phone: We’ve found where they docked the sub. I’ve mapped out the base as we’ve gone along, from the first portal. I’ll send you the picture in a moment. In the meantime, get back to where we started. We need you over here right away! The Aquas are starting to board now.

    Anti-Sue: Alright, we’re coming. Kenta, get over here!

    Kenta: Geez, you’re bossy!

    *Five minutes later*

    Anti-Sue: What’s taking so long for that map to come up? Merlin said he was sending us an image!

    Kenta: *Snatching away Anti-Sue’s phone* Gimme that. Let’s see, hit re-dial and . . . hey, it’s us again. Where’s that picture you said you were sending?

    Phone: Oh, I’m sorry . . . here you go.

    Kenta & Anti-Sue: O_O;

    Phone: We’ve got your snooping buddy tied up here, amongst the rest of our Aquas. And if you’re wondering what that picture is-

    Kenta: Yes, we REALIZE it’s somebody’s butt!

    Phone: Bingo. To add insult to injury, Leros decided to sit on the photocopy machine and send an image of his butt to you. He also has this to say: “i frt in ur genral dereckshin”

    Anti-Sue: You’re all a bunch of animals.

    Phone: Well, I don’t know about us, but our pack of Mightyena will be more than happy to devour Mister . . . uh, hang on a second . . . (what’s his name? Deri? Dorie? Oh! Okay.) Mister Durai for lunch. So hurry on down here . . . heh, heh, heh . . . and prepare to disarm. After all, Miss Kaira has a message for you too: “giv us all ur pokmon”

    Kenta: I hate it when she says that!

    Phone: Don’t keep us waiting . . . we may decide to just lower him over our pond of Sharpedo instead. Legendary Magi indeed . . . *Click*

    Kenta: Wait, who is thi-? Crap, he hung up.

    Anti-Sue: Dammit! How on earth did Merlin manage to get himself tied up by a bunch of Poochyena/Carvanha-wielding numbskulls like the Aquas??

    Kenta: You know, I don’t think he’s really been beaten at all . . .

    Anti-Sue: Huh? Why?

    Kenta: Because nobody’s mentioned anything about Mary-Sue being with him.

    *End flashback*

    Since I’m currently writing a journal entry, I suppose you’ve figured out that we’re okay. But I’m writing this a day after it already happened, and all of my Poke’Mon (except Dark) are still recovering from their injuries. Gotta finish up for now though, that little light that looks like a needle just went on.

    Always griping about something,
    -Kenta

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    31

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    *** Chapter 24: Nukyooler ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it's me again (what, you were expecting Mike Rotch?), and I'll just say right now that we're STILL not to my present day as I write this. As it turns out, the author wasn't being lazy at all; merely a lot of crap happened before I got another chance to write in here. You don't know how long I've been waiting for the pages to dry out.

    *Flashback*

    Aqua With Merlin's Cell Phone: Finally! What were you brats doing all this time?! I've been waiting on you for twenty minutes!

    Anti-Sue: Kenta got bored and challenged me to a game of Yu-Gi-Oh cards halfway along the way. What do you care? . . . and where the heck are all of your cronies?

    Aqua With Merlin's Cell Phone: THEY got bored and just decided to cram into the submarine. They said-

    Kenta: "They couldn't be arsed." We know.

    Aqua With Merlin's Cell Phone: Yeah . . . anyhoo, we've got Durai tied up over there, and I'm supposed to tell you to disarm, or else.

    Kenta: . . . or else what?

    Aqua With Merlin's Cell Phone: Or else I make fun of his glasses and call him four-eyes . . . hell, I don't know! Look, the only real reason we captured him was to get you punks over here so that we could go.

    Anti-Sue: You couldn't just leave without us being here?

    Aqua With Merlin's Cell Phone: Archie's orders. "Just wait there until those kids come, then challenge them to a battle, and when you lose, laugh and say you were just stalling for time. Don't let the sub leave until then."

    Kenta: Why the crap would he give an order like that??

    Aqua With Merlin's Cell Phone: I guess he just fancies himself as callous. Either that or it's the @#$%ing god-force at work again. You know, the one that prevents gym leaders from ever leaving their spots, or keeping Aqua Admins like me from leveling up my Poke'Mon any higher.

    Kenta: Whatever! Either way, I'm bored again! Let's battle!

    Anti-Sue: You're always bored . . .

    Kenta: No denial here. This battle would put me to sleep anyway. How about we just try the shoving tactic again?

    Aqua With Merlin's Cell Phone: Shoving tactic?

    *Kenta pounces at the Admin and gives him a hard push, knocking him backwards into the water. All the Team Aqua Carvanha and Sharpedo gather around and start chomping away at his clothes*

    Aqua With Merlin's Cell Phone: Oh, my bottom! Oh, my top! Greedies, don't you ever stop?

    Anti-Sue: *Turning to the author* QUIT STEALING LINES FROM OTHER MOVIES ALREADY!

    Merlin: Mmmph, mrrrgh mmpgh!

    Kenta: *Ripping off the duct tape over Merlin's mouth* What?

    Merlin: The submarine's getting away! And my Verizon Wireless is getting waterlogged!

    Anti-Sue: Didn't we want the submarine to escape? You managed to sneak Mary-Sue on there, right?

    Merlin: Almost, but-

    Anti-Sue: But what??

    Merlin: Some other kid with a white-haired old geezer look kicked her off and took her place. I couldn't do anything about it, or I would've blown Mary-Sue's cover.

    Kenta: White-haired old geezer . . . uh-oh.

    Mary-Sue: *Climbing out of the water* watd i mis

    Anti-Sue: Your ride, that's what you missed! Dammit Mary-Sue, you screwed up our whole plan!

    Mary-Sue: sory lets get ot of her

    Kenta: Yeah, I'm getting sick of this repetitive "secret mission" background music.

    *Five minutes later*

    Merlin: Well, we failed to accomplish what we wanted to, but for the record- *He points to the Aquas' Secret Hideout; his Machamp blasts it to smithereens with one Dynamicpunch* - I could have done that at any time. This is payback for abusing my phone!

    Mary-Sue: hey i wantd 2 do tht

    Kenta: Are you quite sure this guy doesn't just have a voice actor covering for his godmod-ness?

    Anti-Sue: If you've ever read the Poke'dex's description of Machamp, you'll know that for him, ultimate destruction is perfectly allowed. *Glaring at Mary-Sue* Now, getting back to business . . .

    Mary-Sue: u want2 fite??????????????????????????????????????????!!!! !!!!!!!!!1

    Kenta: Oh, not this again! Can't we all just get along and not kill each other? And by that, I mean not throwing attacks at each other and getting me mauled up in the crossfire.

    Merlin: *Beep-beep-beep!* No time! I just got a signal from Mossdeep's Poke'Mon Center-

    Mary-Sue: o no teem magmas tryig 2 steel teh spac centrs rokct shipz

    Merlin: Oh come on, I'm the legendary trainer here, at least let me gasp out the dramatic bad news! . . . properly!

    Kenta: I guess it's a Chosen One thing to be the glory-hog. So . . . Mossdeep? Great, I need to earn my seventh badge there anyway.

    Anti-Sue: Mary-Sue's being an obnoxious twit again, Team Aqua is one step away from controlling Groudon and Kyogre, and Team Magma may well blow up Mossdeep City if rocket fuel is put in their incompetent hands. How can you think about badges at a time like this?

    Kenta: *Pokes head* One-track mind.

    Mary-Sue: lets go alredy go artuno

    *Five minutes later*

    Anti-Sue: Okay, to the Space Center! . . . huh? Why's there a limo parked in front of it?

    Bodyguard: We've reached the site, Mr. President.

    Dubya: *Southern accent* Those terrorists and their nukyooler weapons of mass destruction! I knew Japan would come back fer another shot at Amurrica!

    Kenta: Oh lord . . . it's the biggest threat to out lives yet! George W. Bush, in Mossdeep City!

    Merlin: He must think Team Magma is using the Rocket fuel to make weapons of mass destruction! But . . . how is rocket fuel nuclear?

    Dubya: This city is full of terrorists! Terrorists hellbent on harming Amurrica! *Pointing at an old lady carrying groceries* You're a terrorist! *Pointing at a construction worker heading towards a port-a-potty* You're a terrorist! *Pointing at Merlin and Anti-Sue* You're both terrorists! *Pointing at Mary-Sue* Aww, what a cute little girl.

    Anti-Sue: Oh, I'm a terrorist, but she's a cute little girl?!

    Dubya: *Ignoring Anti-Sue* Hey, lil' missie, which do you like more, donkeys or elephants?

    Mary-Sue: uh

    Kenta: (Say elephant!)

    Mary-Sue: elphant

    Dubya: *Flying into a rage* She misspelled "elephant!" Everyone knows that there's an "a" after the "l", it's as obvious as the fact that "Dubya" starts with a "d"! Just like my grades in high school. There's only one logical explanation for this. She must be a terrorist!

    Kenta: (Way to go, Mary-Sue. Now we're probably going to be sentenced to hang like Saddam!)

    Anti-Sue: Do something, Merlin!

    Merlin: I can't. If I defy the president, he'll have America invade Japan, too. Dammit, this is all Team Magma's fault!

    Mary-Sue: hey lok its phertop

    Phertop: *Appearing out of Mossdeep Gym* hi marysu ill get u out of her i gota proteckt the chosen on starmi us div

    Dubya: *As Starmie appears* Chosen one? What in tarnation . . . she must be the new leader of Al Qaeda! Don't let her escape! Freedom and Amurrica forever!

    Bodyguard: Um . . . she and those other two children are already gone, sir. They were underwater by the time you'd finished saying "tarnation."

    Dubya: Dang it! Well, put this city on lockdown, and search every house for any weapons of mass destruction. Bring all the playboy magazines you find immediately to me, so I can personally inspect them.

    Bodyguard: Should we install hidden cameras throughout their houses as well, sir? Just in case?

    Dubya: Yessir-ee, especially the bedrooms and bathrooms. On the double, now! You can't take the high horse and claim the low road!

    Bodyguard: Yes sir! Uh . . . should we tap their phone lines as well?

    Dubya: Nah, I'm tired of listening to teenage girls whining for hours about how their boyfriends are cheating on them. Just stick with the cameras.

    *Five minutes later*

    Steven: *Landing on Mossdeep beach* Ah, it's so nice to be home for the weekend after a long, grueling week at the Poke'Mon League- *Catches sight of Bush commanding waves of soldiers to the Space Center and peoples' houses* What the hell-?

    *Underwater*

    Kenta: Glub glub, glub glub glub! (Can't breathe . . . need air!)

    Mary-Sue: cant udnerstad u ketna sory

    Kenta: Glub glub glub. (Ha, shoe's on the other foot now, eh?)

    Phertop: im glad ur ok chosen on

    Mary-Sue: ur teh on who rote th profesy

    Phertop: ya im a profit

    Kenta: Glub glub glub glub . . . (That's "prophet." Hey, wait a minute. Rearraged, Phertop's name spells "prophet!" Boy, what a dumb plot twist.)

    Mary-Sue: who r the gients ill be facing latr on????????????????????????????//////

    Phertop: ull find ot but meenwil i hav 2 tak u 2 teh aqwas submerin

    Kenta: Glub, glub glub glub, glub. (Since you're Liza and Tate's sister, can I have a badge? I deserve one just for holding my breath this long without dying!)

    Mary-Sue: o ya ketna wantd a bage

    Phertop: if he cn beet my pokmon ill let him hav it

    Kenta: Glub glub glub glub glub! (Right time, wrong place! Tsk . . . how come people with The Voice get to talk perfectly normal underwater? Aren't they spoiled enough?)

    Phertop: hers teh sub we mad it

    *End flashback*

    And now you know how you got all soggy. Sorry, Diary, we had to stop the Aquas somehow. Wait until you hear what happened next. It'll be the biggest shock yet! . . . but I'm too tired to write about it now.

    Lazy and proud of it,
    -Kenta
    Last edited by Kenta147; 18th February 2007 at 8:38 PM.

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    31

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    *** Chapter 25: So Immature ***

    Dear Diary,

    Hey, it’s me again (what, you were expecting Mr. T?), and we’re on the third and final part of all this crap that’s happened since I last got a decent chance to write. Mary-Sue, Phertop and I had just gotten to the underwater cavern where the Aquas had parked their submarine . . .

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: *Reading the posted sign on the cavern beach* “No parking between the hours of 10:00 P.M. and 6:00 A.M., violators will be prosecuted.” . . . who puts up these signs?!

    Mary-Sue: ok lets go stp the aqwas

    Phertop: ya

    Kenta: *Sigh* Time to face yet another fresh batch of Aquas and win some more pointlessly easy battles . . .

    *Five pointlessly easy battles later*

    Mary-Sue: uhoh wer in puzl romm

    Kenta: *Distracted* Sharpedo, Mightyena, and Crobat . . . these guys are actually getting tougher. Huh? Oh! What do you mean, puzzle room? All I see is a bunch of tides going in a bunch of random directions for no apparent reason. Which by now, after all I’ve been through, seems totally logical.

    Phertop: wat r we gona do

    Kenta: You’re the elder sister of two psychics! Gym leaders, no less! Can’t you think of something?

    Phertop: no

    Mary-Sue: ths is hrd

    Kenta: Urgh . . . shoulda known having people with The Voice would mean a lack of brainpower. Well, now what? . . . hello, what’s this?

    *End flashback*

    It turned out that there was something floating in the water, and when I went to pick it up, I realized that it was a thoroughly-soaked wad of papers stapled together. The first page read “Poke’Mon R/s/e Walkthrough,” and as I flipped through it, I saw all the stuff I’d done throughout my adventure, or could have done. Now THIS was a prophecy!

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Sweet, I found a walkthrough of the RPG! This thing even tells me what’s going to happen in the future!

    Phertop: coll

    Mary-Sue: wats it say abot ths room

    Kenta: Uh, let’s see here . . . “In this area, you have to choose the current that will take you to the top. Go all the way right and surf thru the current that takes you to the other
    side. Then go to the current that goes all the way to the top, and you will then have to choose three paths. Choose the upper one, then it will leave you in normal water. Then go up to the current that takes you to the right. Soon it will leave you in normal water again. Go left then all the way up to reach the door.” *Blinks* Wow. Who wrote this?

    Mary-Sue: som guy namd arolugia64

    Phertop: wel lets do it

    Kenta: Yeah! Three cheers for trusting complete strangers!

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: Great, now we have to move these boulders in a specific order or else we won’t be able to go any further. Did anyone remember to bring the TM Strength?

    Phertop: no but mi medcham nos strangth

    Kenta: Good . . . that means we won’t have to jam any more CDs into a Poke’Mon’s head.

    Phertop: ok medcham us strangth

    Mary-Sue: o no u mesd up

    Kenta: Dammit! On the first try, too! Now what are we going to do?

    Phertop: its ok jus leev rom n com bak

    Mary-Sue: o ya

    Kenta: Based on all that I’ve seen, I’m inclined to believe a lot of stuff, but there’s no way in Hell that these rocks are going to be back in their original spots when we- *Stops and stares* . . . oh my @#$%ing god.

    *The rock Phertop’s Medicham pushed is back in place*

    Kenta: Right, if anyone needs me, I’ll be in that corner over there, curled up in fetal position and sucking my thumb.

    Phertop: *Ignoring him* medcham us strangth

    Mary-Sue: darn u mesd up agan

    *Five minutes later*

    Kenta: *Returning from his corner* Have you gotten anywhere?

    Mary-Sue & Phertop: no

    Kenta: Hey, wait a second, you’ve got godmod Poke’Mon, haven’t you?

    Phertop: ya

    Kenta: Well, DUH! Just use Strength on the boulder in front of you, and push all the ones behind it out of the way, too! All at once!

    Mary-Sue: wow good pln

    Phertop: medcham us strangth

    *Medicham rams its palm into the boulder before it. The boulder slams into the ones behind it and continues until they’re all nicely aligned. Then, simultaneously, they all crack down the middle and make a nice, straight pathway*

    Kenta: *Sweatdrop* I’m a frickin’ genius. Well, on to the next room we go.

    *Five minutes later*

    Mary-Sue: her we r

    Kenta: *Looking at his watch* Five minutes, on the dot. Should it really have taken us this long?

    Archie: *Singing cheerfully to himself* La-la-la-la-la . . . gonna raise Kyogre . . . gonna kick everyone’s asses . . . gonna take over the world . . . dum-de-doo-de-dum . . .

    Phertop: wat a moron

    Kenta: Even Dubya could do a better job ruling the world than this guy . . . we can’t let him awaken Kyogre!

    Mary-Sue: u no ho kogr is????????????????????????????????/

    Kenta: I’m not completely clueless! Just . . . ninety percent. Anyway, let’s go beat the crap out of him!

    Archie: Who said that?! *Turning towards Kenta and the two girls* You again! How the hell did you find me this time?

    Kenta: I heard you singing, or rather, wailing like a banshee. And believe me, if the world wasn’t at stake, I would have gone running in the opposite direction. *Looks around* So, where are your goons? Or did we already beat all of them?

    Archie: Ha ha ha ha ha ha . . . take care of ‘em, Leros! Kaira!

    Leros: *Jumping out from behind a rock* wer teem aqwa

    Kaira: *Also jumping out and tripping over her shoelace before scrambling to her feet again* ya giv us all ur pokmon

    Mary-Sue: o no its teem aqwa

    Kenta: Uh, Earth to Mary-Sue! It’s BEEN Team Aqua for the last few hours!

    Archie: Hey, only I get to say “Earth to Mary-Sue!” Because the Earth is as good as mine now!

    Phertop: no way well tak lers n kara

    Mary-Sue: u get archi ketna

    Kenta: Stop calling me that!

    Archie: I’ll never lose to you! Not when I’m so close to final victory. Mightyena, take care of this punk!

    Kenta: Oh please, this is like the seventh time I’ve faced one of these. Beat ‘em up, Daisuke! *Ninjask is fainted* Uh . . . Daisuke? *Sweatdrop* Aw, crap. Sorry, sorry, let’s do this again. Beat ‘em up, Slaking! . . . no? Ah, heh, heh, I really oughta pay more attention to my battles . . . beat ‘em up, Gardevoir! . . . again-? DAMN it! (This is bad . . . if I use Blaziken now, he’s gonna Intimidate it and screw up the Attack stat, but if I send out Dark, that mangy flea-bag over there will kill him in one hit . . . I’m out of options.) One choice! Go, ugly fish! *Kenta tosses Feebas’s Poke’Ball, something enormous pops out*

    Archie: What-? No way . . . except for Kyogre, that’s the best water Poke’Mon in the Hoenn region!

    Kenta: *Blinks* Uh . . . ugly fish?

    “Ugly fish”: Milotic!!

    Kenta: (Well, as long as Archie is gaping in stunned silence, I may as well take advantage . . .) Milotic, Surf!

    *End flashback*

    At the time, I didn’t realize it, but after eating all those blue Poke’Blocks, Feebas must have evolved into Milotic. What I don’t get is how she could have done it without fighting any Poke’Mon first. Well . . . on the T.V. show, Ash’s Primeape evolved from Mankey when it got mad at James for kicking it. Perhaps Feebas got p.o.'d at me for calling it ugly fish all the time . . . whatever, point is, I suddenly had another kickass Poke’Mon at my disposal. And Milotic mowed down both Mightyena and Crobat, and it would have also destroyed Archie’s Sharpedo if it had known Recover . . . but it didn’t.

    *Flashback*

    Kenta: Noooooooooooooo, ugly fish! Er, I mean, Milotic. Yeah. Noooooooooooooo, Milotic!

    Archie: Well, had enough yet brat?

    Kenta: It all comes down to this . . . it might not have though, if Dark had more than one @#$%ing hitpoint. Blaziken, let’s finish him off!

    Archie: Ooh, a deadlock. While my Water-type beats your Fire-type, at the same time your Fighting-type has the upper hand on my Dark-type.

    Kenta: I think it’s only fair to warn you, while you’re busy talking to yourself, a Fire Blast is headed straight at your weird shark floating in midair.

    Archie: GAAAAAH! Sharpedo, Hydro Pump!

    *End flashback*

    I’m interrupting the story a lot this time, aren’t I? Well, nyeh-nyeh. Okay, this time it’s just to clear up any confusion that may arise. I didn’t notice this until it was too late, but Groudon was sleeping in the same chamber as Kyogre. They were in their own separate holes, of course, but the same dorm room, y’know? Think of it that way. Anyway, with its 85% hit rate, Fire Blast still missed Sharpedo and hit the sleeping Kyogre instead. At the same time, Hydro Pump, with its mere 80% hit rate, failed to strike Blaziken and blasted Groudon instead. That jarred ‘em awake pretty quick, and what happened next was not pleasant.

    *Flashback*

    Kyogre: *Translated* Groudon, you asswipe, what’d you do that for?!

    Groudon: *Translated* Likewise, jerk-hole! You know I’m allergic to water, you insensitive anchovy!

    Kyogre: *Translated* Ooh, you take that back, you rake-tailed Gila monster!

    Groudon: *Translated* Yeah, once you take back that water you just spat at me! You’re so immature!

    Kyogre: *Translated* I didn’t spit any water at you, you liar, you just breathed fire on me!

    Groudon: *Translated* Now you’re calling me a liar?! Basterd . . . I’ve always hated being roommates with you!

    Kyogre: *Translated* Yeah, well, I hate you even more! I’d shoot you the bird right now if I could raise my middle claw.

    Groudon: *Translated* Ha . . . you can’t, but I can! *Gives Kyogre two middle fingers* Have another one!

    Kyogre: *Translated* All right, that does it! We’re taking this outside, right now!

    Groudon: *Translated* Fine! Let’s rumble . . . I’ll teach you to spit water at me!

    *Groudon and Kyogre somehow magically fly out of the underwater chamber and all is silent*

    Archie: . . . uh . . . *long pause* . . . ‘kay! What was that all about?

    Kenta: I dunno, but Groudon gave Kyogre the finger. With both hands. That can only be bad news.

    Mary-Sue: u guys mad kogr n grodon angy at eech otr

    Leros: now there goin 2 fite

    Phertop: u mite hav just destoyd teh world

    Kaira: nic goin archy

    Archie: Errr . . . I can fix it! Just let me find those orbs that control Groudon and Kyogre . . . dammit, now where’d I put them . . . give me a second, I’ll find them . . .

    Kenta: *Tapping his foot* We’re waaaaaaiting . . .

    Archie: Crap! I know I had them just a minute ago! Unless I left them in my jacket pockets before putting it into the wash . . . no, no, I checked first! @#$%! @#$%, @#$%, @#$%!!

    Kenta: Ha! Even I’m not so irresponsible as to lose orbs that precious! Speaking of which, check out this Master Ball I stole from your hideout! Now let’s see, where is it . . . uh-oh.

    Mary-Sue: u los teh materbal?????????????????????????????????????????///

    Kenta: No! I had it with me right here! It’s gotta be in my backpack or something . . . *unconsciously mimics Archie’s frantic searching, move-for-move* GAAAAAAH!!

    Steven: *Looking down from the Kyogre/Groudon shaped hole in the ceiling* Hey, you guys are late! I was supposed to chew you out about letting the weather spiral outta control two minutes ago!

    Mary-Sue: sory wer comin

    *Five minutes later*

    Phertop: an thats wat hapend

    Steven: Wait a second. I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying.

    Kenta: There’s a part you don’t understand? I thought Phertop just told you the whole story.

    Steven: Actually, she merely climbed out of that hole and said “an thats wat hapend” to me.

    Kenta: . . . and we’re supposed to be the heroes? Alright, the world is officially doomed.

    *Five minutes later*

    Steven: So, you and Archie are the idiots responsible for unleashing Kyogre and Groudon’s fury upon the land, and potentially bringing about our ultimate destruction?

    Kenta: This rapidly-switching rain and sunshine isn’t just the crew of the Weather Institute goofing off, then?

    Steven: NO! And where’d Archie go? I want to yell at him, too!

    Mary-Sue: he left wit loros n kara

    Kenta: That stupid prick! Leaving us to take care of things . . .

    Phertop: we gota stop grodon an kogr

    Steven: State the obvious. Look, I’d LOVE to help save humanity from drowning or being buried in landslides due to earthquakes, buuuuut I just can’t be arsed.

    Kenta: Oh, come ON! We’re all going to die! What is wrong with you adults?! Can’t you give a crap about what happens, just this once?

    Steven: *Sigh* Alright, fine . . . pull out your flying Poke’Mon and follow me, I’ll take you to Sootopolis City Poke’Mon Center. If you want to remedy the situation, you might want to have more than two Poke’Mon left in your inventory that can even battle.

    *End flashback*

    And so here I am, writing this entry in Sootopolis Poke’Mon Center as stormwater continues to lash the windows, followed by bursts of sunlight intense enough to cook any ants on the floor. Mary-Sue and Phertop assured me that I could take my time, and that nothing bad would happen to anyone as long as I did something eventually. God-force again, no doubt. So now that I’ve taken my sweet time to write three journal entries and take two naps in between, I guess it’s time for me to get off my lazy butt and sort out this whole conflict between the legendary Poke’Mon with Mary-Sue. Phertop said she’s not coming. Coward. Well, let’s hope all turns out for the best.

    Until next time (if I live through this,)
    -Kenta

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