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Thread: The Best Shot (Rated: PG) AAML

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    Talking The Best Shot (Rated: PG) AAML

    Okay guys, while I'm having writers block with my fic Hero, I'm going to indulge your boredom with this new fic. Anabel vs. Misty! Enjoy!!
    -XxM!styxX

    The Best Shot


    Chapter 1


    “Will you get the door Misty?” A dark haired boy with a party hat called from the living room, conversing with the guests.

    “No problem Ash!” Misty stood and headed to the Ketchum’s front door, Azurill skittering after her.

    It was Ash’s 14th birthday party and knowing his popularity, Misty was positive he had invited people all around the Pokemon Regions. Misty opened the door and faced a purple haired girl in lilac 18th Century clothing. The girl was but 2 years younger than Misty and was blushing deep red, looking at the ground. In her hands she held a pink box wrapped in ruffles.

    “Yes?” Misty smiled at the girl with a slight twitch, knowing who she was.

    “Oh hello, haven’t we met?” The gym leader looked up at Misty, but didn’t smile, “Misty right?”

    Misty just gave a curt nod, “I expect Ash invited you here?”

    “Oh course, I’m one of his closest friends,” Anabel the gym leader squeezed through the door past Misty, “now if you’ll excuse me, I’m here to see Ash, not you.”

    “Oh excuse me your highness,” Misty whispered under her breath, knowing what would happen, “Give it your best shot.”

    Anabel didn’t hear Misty as she continued to walk along the foyer, searching for Ash. Misty smirked as she quickly followed after her. Anabel caught sight of Ash talking to some of his guests and headed straight for him. She greeted him warmly as he turned in surprise to face her and smiled happily.

    “Well if it isn’t my gym leader friend!” Ash extended his hand to shake hers but instead received a deep hug from Anabel, “…Okay. That works too.”

    “Here’s your present,” Anabel smugly pushed the present into his hands.

    “Oh COOL!” Ash moved his hand to rip open the box but a voice behind him halted his movements.

    “Ash, what did I say about presents?” Misty stood with her arms folded and smiled at the expression on his face, “Now, now, we wait till later.”

    Misty reached over and took the box from his hands, “Aw but Misty!”

    Misty shook her head and headed to his room, where all his presents were stored away under lock.

    “That’s my best friend for you,” Ash laughed and turned back to Anabel, “so what’s up? How’s the gym?”

    “Oh, its fine,” Anabel glared after Misty and murmured, “best friend huh?”

    “What was that?” Ash leaned over to her, inches from her face and Anabel blushed multi-colors.

    “Nothing, hehe,” Anabel stepped back, “I have to use the bathroom… Where is it?”

    “Up the stairs and two doors to the right,” Misty responded, having returned from Ash’s room in swift steps, “I know my way around here.”

    Anabel shot her a look and pushed past Misty, “thank you, but I believe I was talking to Ash.”

    “Mhm,” Misty blew it away and stood by Ash, “Weren’t you going to the bathroom?”

    Anabel glared daggers into Misty’s face and spun on her heel, disappearing upstairs.

    Ash stood there, clueless of what was happening, “Uhh… What’s going on?”

    Brock appeared behind Ash, “oh you lucky guy, having girls fight over you!”
    Ash merely took of his party hat and scratched his head, “I think I’m going to check with mom about the cake and DJ.”

    As he left, he unconsciously placed the hat on Misty’s head and disappeared into the kitchen.

    “So clueless,” Brock admitted, “Misty, you should try harder.”

    Misty sighed and pointed in a random direction, “oh look, there’s Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny eating chips.”

    “Where?” Brock’s eyes turned into hearts and sprinted away from Misty, “I’m coming my loves! Brocko is here!”

    Misty simply shook her head and adjusted the party hat Ash had placed on her head, “This is going to be interesting.”

    Meanwhile Anabel was sitting on the floor of the Ketchum bathroom, thoughts flitting through her head. There had to be some way to attract Ash. Some kind of…

    Anabel smiled and stood, looking around for make up supplies. She knew about Ash’s encounter with Melody and “pretty” girls. Ash’s denseness could only go so far…

    Right? Anabel reached over to the eye shadow and began applying.
    --

    “Mom, where’s the cake?” Ash jumped up and down at his mother’s side, “And the DJ?”

    “It and the DJ will be here soon, Ash, be patient, there are only 10 people here, we have to wait until at least 30 get here,” Mrs. Ketchum smiled at her son, “go and play with your friends… Maybe a friendly battle?”

    “Good idea mom,” Ash brightened up and scampered out of the room.
    Mrs. Ketchum merely shook her head and continued rummaging through the kitchen.
    --

    “Hey guys!” Ash came back into the living room confidently where Misty and other guests stood and pointed at himself proudly, “Who wants to battle the Birthday Boy?”

    Misty rolled her eyes, “No one wants to battle anyone with a loser name like ‘Birthday Boy’.”

    “Shut up.” Ash glared at her, “Besides, it’s my party.”

    “Yeah a party for a 10-year-old,” Misty took a step toward Ash.

    “You just think you’re so mature don’t you?” Ash folded his arms.

    “A lot more than you,” Misty nodded.

    “Well…” Ash tried to come up with a comeback but simply stuck his tongue out at Misty, “It’s my party so I say battle with nicknames.”

    “Fine,” Misty straightened up, “but not everyone has their Pokemon in hand, how are we supposed to battle? Mine are all at Cerulean except Azurill.”

    “Another rule then,” Ash improvised, “It’ll be one on ones using only the Birthday Boy’s Pokemon.”

    “But that’s not fair,” Misty argued, “besides all your Pokemon have been trained by someone named the ‘Birthday Boy’!”

    “That’s not a bad thing!” Ash countered.

    “Is too!”

    “Is not!”

    “Is too!”

    “Ahem,” a voice cleared her throat behind them, “Sorry I was gone so long Ash.”

    “Oh Ana—” Ash stopped and his jaw dropped.

    Anabel was now dressed in a blue gown that reached her ankles and her face glittered with make up.

    “Hey that’s my dress and Mrs. Ketchum’s make up!” Misty turned green with envy, so this girl knows how to play, I’ll show her play, “Alright, Pokemon battle, Anabel versus me, out by the lake—now.”

    Ash was still red from surprise and Anabel headed toward him, “hi Ash.”

    “You- you look different Anabel,” Ash blushed deeper as she approached him.

    Misty stepped in between Ash and Anabel, “I personally think the make up and dress looks better on the owner though.”

    Anabel sighed angrily, “Fine Misty, I’ll battle you.”

    “Good luck Anabel,” Ash sputtered out nervously.

    “Thank you Ash,” Anabel drifted past Misty and headed toward the door, “Well c’mon everyone, off to Professor Oak’s lab.”

    “Do you even know the way?” Misty smirked.

    “No but,” Anabel gave a small smile, “you can lead while I walk with Ash… Since you ‘know your way around’.”

    “Ouch Misty, one zero,” Tracey who was among the crowd admitted.

    Misty turned to him angrily, “What?!”

    Tracey shrugged and Misty sighed angrily, “Let’s just go.”
    --

    While the guests were idly choosing their Pokemon, scanning varieties from Ash’s Kingler to Ash’s Tauros, Misty was on Ash and Anabel’s heels who were chatting away happily.

    “So I hear you’re going to Sinnoh soon,” Anabel inquired, “there’s a lot of new Pokemon there.”

    “Yeah,” Ash brightened up, “I’m planning on heading out in a few days.”

    “Oh!” Anabel wrapped her arm around his, “that’s so cool, I hope you enjoy yourself!”

    Ash smiled and looked down as his arm intertwined with hers, “Uhh Anabel?”

    “What?”

    “Could you kinda… get off me?” Ash looked at her completely clueless to what it meant.

    Anabel simply gave him an annoyed smile and let go, receiving a giggle from behind them. Anabel spun around and faced a satisfied looking Misty.

    “Oh hey Misty,” Ash took a step closer to her, “did you find any Pokemon to your liking?”

    “Actually, I was wondering Ash,” Misty bit her lip, “I was wondering if I could use Azurill to battle…?”

    “Nope sorry, rules are rules—” Anabel began.

    “But,” Ash stopped her, “I’ve never seen Misty battle with her Azurill… I’d love to see that!”

    “Thanks Ash,” Misty grinned wider and turned, walking toward Tracey and Brock who were admiring the grass Pokemon, “Hurry up, Anabel, battle’s in 10 minutes!”

    “Oh right,” Anabel looked at Ash, “do you suggest any specific Pokemon I should use?”

    “Oh well the one Pokemon I suggest you DON’T ask me about is Pikachu,” Ash grinned and shrugged, “I only let Misty or Brock or Tracey use him.”

    “Why not me?”

    “Because… you’re not one of my closest friends, I barely really know you,” Ash answered truthfully.

    Anabel looked slightly taken aback but nodded nonetheless, “Well where is your Pikachu anyway?”

    “Oh Pikachu’s back at the house…” Ash looked around and whispered to Anabel, “He ate all of the ketchup last night as a midnight snack and mom found out… So he’s grounded.”

    “Grounded?” Anabel laughed, “Are you serious?”

    “Yes,” Ash nodded solemnly, “he’s doing the dishes as we speak.”

    “Hey, he deserved it,” Misty appeared once more at their side.

    “You’re just saying that because you told on him even though I asked you not to,” Ash argued.

    Misty huffed and looked up at the clock on the wall, “whatever, besides it’s time to go.”

    “But I haven’t chosen a Pokemon!” Anabel started.

    “Fine, here,” Misty grabbed three random Pokeballs lying around, recalled three random Pokemon sitting near them and turned to Anabel, “Enie meanie meinie mo.”

    Misty placed one of the Pokeballs in Anabel’s hands and tossed the others to the side, “Now, let’s battle.”

    Anabel looked at her bewildered and threw the Pokeball, “go?”

    Suddenly a large purple Pokemon appeared, slime dripping about it, “Muuk!”

    “Muk?” Anabel looked shocked and slightly disgusted, “I barely know what attacks a Muk knows and I’m much better with psychic Pokemon!”

    “Don’t worry, I’ll coach you through your battle,” Ash said helpfully.

    “But that’s not fair!” Misty said angrily and grabbed Brock’s arm, “fine, Brock will be my ‘coach’.”

    “But you already know how to handle your own Pokemon,” Ash argued, “Anabel needs help because she’s never used a Muk.”

    “First time for everything right Birthday Boy?” Misty smirked and turned on her heel, “No coach, just tell her some of its attacks and she’ll be fine… Now let’s go out to the lake.”
    --

    “Alright everyone, Frontier Brain Salon Maiden Anabel of the Battle Tower versus gym leader of the Cerulean City gym Misty Waterflower, this will be a one on one battle,” Brock called seriously standing on the side of a lake, “the last Pokemon standing is the winner.”

    Misty and Anabel were on opposite ends of the lake facing professor Oak’s lab. Rocks and platforms covered some areas of the lake to allow non-water Pokemon to battle. Misty’s Azurill jumped from her shoulder and landed on the platform nearest them, Muk did the same on Anabel’s side.

    “Wait a minute,” Ash halted him, wearing a circular cardboard shape on his head with the words ‘Birthday Boy’ on it. In his hands he held markers and many of the same odd shapes, “I said nicknames and I meant it.”

    Misty sweatdropped, “Ash you can’t be serious!”

    “I am,” Ash took one of the cardboard objects and a marker and handed one of each to every person in the crowd, Misty, and Anabel, “Go ahead; you have 10 seconds to think of a name.”

    In a matter of seconds everyone wore the hat-like object on their head. Brock’s was labeled ‘Lover Boy’, Tracey’s was labeled ‘The Sketchit’, Anabel’s was labeled ‘Salon Maiden’, and Misty…

    “Misty, think of a name and put that thing on your head,” Ash called angrily seeing Misty’s marker and hat on the floor, “it’s not that embarrassing.”

    “No, but it’s stupid,” Misty huffed, “I don’t wanna wear this stupid hat!”

    “Please Misty!” Ash made puppy eyes and sniffed, “for me?”

    Misty looked away from him and stared at the ground annoyed, “Fine, but I get to do one thing before I wear this silly thing…”

    “Anything,” Ash soon regretted saying that.

    BAM! Misty’s mallet landed on his head. Ash doubled over in pain and Misty smiled, satisfied. She reached for the marker and hat, writing on it quickly and placing it on her head. In cursive handwriting it read ‘Water Princess’.

    “Now let’s start the battle,” Misty rubbed her hands together and watched Ash out of the corner of her eye, rubbing his now bruised head.

    --
    Next chapter coming soon!! ^_^

    -.../\/\...
    Last edited by XxM!styxX; 3rd June 2007 at 3:18 PM.
    Pokeshipper
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    2two gifts, and 1one departure worth of emotions.

  2. #2
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    Cute. ^_^ Wow, I haven't reviewed a fic in AGES. XD It's weird being a critic again. Please do not be offended if my review is harsh, it is all in your best interests to make you a better writer. ^^

    Firstly, it sounds like you've got a cute plot so it's got me interested. The only two things that bugged me, I'm afraid, was the heaviness of the dialogue and the paragraphing. In places, it felt more like a script with stage directions, so to counteract that, maybe try a few of these techniques?

    “Oh excuse me your highness,” Misty whispered under her breath, knowing what would happen, “Give it your best shot.”

    Anabel didn’t hear Misty, she just continued into the foyer, searching for Ash. Misty followed after quickly, grinning.

    “Hello Ash!” Anabel headed straight to Ash, who turned and smiled happily.
    You can kill two birds with one stone (paragraphing and overloaded dialogue) by varying speech with description like so:

    “Oh excuse me your highness,” Misty whispered under her breath, knowing what would happen, “Give it your best shot.”

    Anabel didn’t hear Misty as she continued to walk along the foyer, searching for Ash. Misty smirked as she quickly followed after her. Anabel caught sight of Ash talking to some of his guests and headed straight for him. She greeted him warmly as he turned in surprise to face her and smiled happily.


    Something like that? ^^ It just makes it flow better and gives more variation and professionalism to your work. ^_^

    Apart from that, I like where this is going. ^_^ Keep up the good work!

    Take care

    WS
    XxX

    EDIT: I have to say that I absolutely LOVE your signature pic/message. <3 It's so cute! ^^ And you've got my pic as your user pic in your profile! XDD That pic is becoming annoyingly famous without my name on it. XD
    Last edited by Water Spirit; 3rd June 2007 at 12:14 PM.

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    AHHH WS IS THE FIRST TO COMMENT MY FIC!! ^_^ I'M HONORED!!!
    I totally know what you mean, with the review, I read it over again and it did sound kind of like stage directions lol. I'll make sure to change that right away!!
    And may I say your work inspires me!!
    PS: You should consider copywriting/signing your name on the bottom of stuff that's yours!! Hehe!
    Pokeshipper
    (n.): Because we don't forget 5five
    seasons, 4four cameos, 3three supporters,
    2two gifts, and 1one departure worth of emotions.

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    XD! You make it sound like I'm some sort of celebrity. XD Well I saw your plea for readers on the Pokeshipping Thread and thought that it wasn't fair that no one had made a comment about it. ^^

    Cool. ^_^ There's no problem with leaving the first chapter like it is if you want to, it's more for the following chapters so that you can improve. ^_^

    Awwwww, thank you! ^_^ I'm honoured to receive such kind words from you. ^^

    I really should copyright/sign. XD I'll have to send another one into circulation that's got my name on it. XD I've seen it on YouTube a few times and people say 'Where's that in the series?!' and I'm like 'Hello! I made that!" XD

    Not fair. XD But anyhoo, keep up the good work!

    Take care

    WS
    XxX
    Last edited by Water Spirit; 3rd June 2007 at 6:15 PM.

    Ferme tes yeux, et crois en tes ręves, ma cherie...parce que j'y suis toujours...

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    Thanks so much, when do you think you're going to bring out the next chapter of your fic?? ((I really wish more people would review this fic!!))
    Pokeshipper
    (n.): Because we don't forget 5five
    seasons, 4four cameos, 3three supporters,
    2two gifts, and 1one departure worth of emotions.

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    Quote Originally Posted by XxM!styxX View Post
    Thanks so much, when do you think you're going to bring out the next chapter of your fic?? ((I really wish more people would review this fic!!))
    Most likely after my exams. ^_^ I've updated with a message on the thread to let people know what's going on. ^_^

    Don't worry, they will and sea princess has left you a comment. ^^

    Ferme tes yeux, et crois en tes ręves, ma cherie...parce que j'y suis toujours...

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    @ sea princess: Thanks for the comment, I'm currently finishing up chapter 2 (i think the fic is only gonna have 2 chapters lol, I was going to make it a one-shot but it was wayyyyy too long!!)

    @ WS: Thanks so much again for commenting my fic!! I read your fic 1 year ago and totally loved it, it was addicting ^_^
    Pokeshipper
    (n.): Because we don't forget 5five
    seasons, 4four cameos, 3three supporters,
    2two gifts, and 1one departure worth of emotions.

  8. #8
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    So sorry I haven't reviewed, school and exams were killing me, you know!

    But this was great, I love it when fics have birthdays and parties in it, it makes it seem good for some reason. But nevertheless, I enjoyed it and adding Anabel was pure gold. You could have used more description, though. But aside from that, it has quite a lot of shining potential.

    Make sure you read my new fic, *points at sig*. Please review it as well.

    And you posted a whole post about me to post in your fic, please delete it.

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    Aw, this is so sweet! I love it so far. I like how you have Anabel as rival to Misty. To be honest, I can't really stand Anabel at all, she looks like a man! Anyways, I can't wait for the next chapter with the battle. Thanks for the PM by the way, I probuly wouldn't have found this story without you letting me know.
    =]
    Hah, I liked the line when I think Tracy or Brock said ooh zero to one to Misty. xD Classic.
    Update soon.
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  10. #10
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    D'oh! I meant to post a LOT sooner since I had read this fic last week, but it continued to slip my mind! >_< So sorry about that...

    Anyway, like Water Spirit said, it was a very cutesy story with a bubbly plot. The only major problem I have with this fic is the fact that everyone seems to be very...childish...in this fic. I don't mean that in a harsh way, I'm just saying what I think about it, I hope you don't get offended.

    Other than that, this is a pretty easy going fic where you can just read it without having to do a whole lot of thinking! XD (which can be a good thing in my opinion)

    I hope you make more!
    Read and Review my Fic:
    A Journey of Souls


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    Currently Posted: Chapter 18-The Venox Vanishings
    Currently Working On: Chapter 22

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    Well thats a good start, I like it a lot!
    I like the Anabel Character overall but im sure Misty will not loose without fighting.


    Im a Mewtwo fan

  12. #12
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    nice fic so far... going to post part 2? good luck.
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    HxP FTW ^_^

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